Heart of Darkness

[Ezra Na'chtion]

I have become restless. It is my hope that the creation of this journal will better help me put my thoughts in order. I have never before felt the impulse to record my thoughts for any reason and prefer to only record facts and processes; and yet there are many studies that have proven that this is a helpful process to some. I shall make the endeavor. It has been but a single day since my return from Korriban and I have not been able to shake this feeling I've had since the meeting with Michael Cline. During our meeting he was stoic in his belief that Baralai Lotus, the man after whom I have based the entirety of my research, was a sham and a man not worth emulating. He concluded with the idea that I had accomplished far more than Master Lotus ever had. This is the concept that I find myself struggling with. On the one hand I firmly believe that Lotus has accomplished far more than what can be shown in the physical; e.g. inspiring his apprentices such as myself and setting into motion numerous projects and processes that are yet unrevealed. It is true that I have successfully created complex Sithspawn, a feat that Lotus also accomplished although in much smaller numbers. I have successfully created self sustained organisms to the point that they could almost pass as natural. While not yet perfected, the broodmothers are more than capable of producing new offspring although I would compare this process more to cloning than natural birth. To my knowledge Lotus has never achieved this level of complexity with Sithspawn, but I have no doubts that he was more than capable of such. What Michael Cline has failed to realize is that Lotus was incredibly inhibited by the resources and materials available to him while secluded away on Korriban; a planet famously barren. I have near unlimited resources at the Academy on Tanaab, with plentiful livestock to experiment on and heavy support from the Tanaab government body to support the Academy and therefore my work. The only resource I lack is time. The Academy requires a great deal of my time and energy ever since the founder, who refers to herself only as Lady Frygt, has gone into what can only be described as a force induced coma. She is alive but comatose. While never our original agreement, I have nonetheless taken a leading role in the Academy. A sacrifice of my own achievement to carry on Frygt's legacy in the hopes that she would one day wake up and carry on the torch. In this dark hour I have come to the conclusion that she may never wake. I fear a tough decision is upon me to make, and I am unsure which path to take. I will meditate in my chambers. Perhaps the force will show me the answer.