Lines you'll never hear in Star Wars

[Kale]

Took the idea from a thread on another board. Unfortunately, only a few people came up with anything clever. Here are the highlights:

Vader: I am your father!
Luke: No! That's not true! That's impossible!
Vader: Actually, no, it's not true, but you should have seen your face.

Tarkin: You're absolutely correct, those fighters do pose a threat. Launch all fighters, triple the anti-fighter fire, and get those Star Destroyers out there right now. Also, forget waiting to orbit Yavin, nuke both planets now.

Any Stormtrooper: Got 'im!

Han: Snakes... why'd it have to be snakes?

Vader to Admiral Piett: You look stressed. Why don't you take the week off?

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Luke: And my... sister has it. Yes, Leia, you are my sister. (can't remember exact quote)
Leia: WHAT?!?!

[Shade Magus]

Yoda: I cannot teach him. IQ of 30 has he. Hangs upside down in ice caves, he does.

Edit: This isn't a quote but something I found rather amusing

Y.O.D.A.

Sung by Yoda upon meeting Luke.

(To the theme of Y.M.C.A.)

YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down.
I said YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown.
I said YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I
*MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
YOUNG MAN, there's no need to feel fear.
I am WONDERIN', tell me why are you here?
How you GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say
*WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
He's 900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
Come and get yourself clean!
Come and have a good meal!
Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel!

YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into
SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this
TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got
*SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM*
YOUNG MAN, welcome to Dagobah. He is
COMIN', Master Yoda not far. I'll be
HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is
*MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT*

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
He's 900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
Don't just stand in the rain!
You're all covered with mud!
come and sample my homemade crud!

OLD BEN, are you listenin' to me? I can't
TEACH HIM, he's so reckless you see! Like his
OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha
*HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE*
YOUNG MAN, if you start will you end, or be
GOING, off to save all your friends? To be
TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you
*WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK*

You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
You should stay here and train!
You don't have to save Han!
If you do so, you'll lose your hand!



You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
(repeat and fade...)

[Rhea Kaylen]

Ben Kenobi: No, really, I'd rather stay here where it's safe. It's more than possible that we could be killed out there.

C-3P0: Honestly, R2-D2, you're being paranoid about this...

Luke: My sister has it...Yes, Leia. It's you.
Leia: ...So? *smooooooch*

Qui-Gon: Well, you know, Obi-Wan--rules are rules. We can't possibly go against the Council on this.

Give me a little time, I'm sure I can come up with some better ones...*ducks flying rotten tomatoes*

[Mitch]

Admiral Ackbar: No, there's no chance that could be a trap.

[Liam Jinn]

Back to the Luke and Leia part..

Luke finishes telling Leia that she's his sister and Leia says, "That can't be, I was born a man."

[Lion El' Jonson]

Admiral Ackbar: It's a trap! Mon Karren, hold open our escape vector. All ships retreat!
Lando: We're not going to get another chance at this, Admiral!
Admiral Ackbar: A pity. Going to hyperspace in 5.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

love that one Lion!!

[Draken Chakara]

Vader: Luke... I am your father.
Luke: Really? Can I borrow the Star Destroyer?

Crap, but figured I'd contribute.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Threepio: Artoo says that there's no chance in hell Luke's getting out of this one.

Any main character: Actually, I feel pretty good about this.

[Draken Chakara]

Anyone in a ship: My shields are holding up great... how about yours?

[Kieran Devaneaux]

Mace Windu: Feel the Force, mofo! (SHAFT!!! )

Anakin: Where can I learn how to get all the chicks, not just one?
Palpatine: Not from a Jedi.

[Nathanial K'cansce]

Emperor: There is a great disturbance in the Force.
Vader: I have felt it, Master.
Emperor: Whoever felt it, delt it...

[Mitch]

Luke: Kaaaameeeeeaaaaahhhhmeeeaaaahhh! (DBZ)

Lando: Sorry, m'am, I'm married.

Yoda: Want you to want me, I do.

[Torn Dlo]

Obi-Wan: I will train the boy.
Yoda: Backtalk me you will not. *Backhand*

[Kale]

Anakin: Don't call me "Ani." It makes me sound like a little boy.
Padme: Do you want me to be painfully honest about this?

Dooku: Join with me, Obi-Wan, and together, we can destroy Sauron!

Palpatine: Anakin... Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father...

Dooku: It's obvious this contest cannot be decided by our knowledge of the Force. But our skill with a lighsaber...
Yoda: Tell you something I should. Left-handed I am not.

[Rhea Kaylen]

Oh, Kale, those are great.

Originally posted by Mitch
Luke: Kaaaameeeeeaaaaahhhhmeeeaaaahhh! (DBZ)

Very funny. But you misspelled Kamehameha.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Originally posted by Kale
Dooku: It's obvious this contest cannot be decided by our knowledge of the Force. But our skill with a lighsaber...
Yoda: Tell you something I should. Left-handed I am not.

Winner!!

[Lion El' Jonson]

Yes, that takes it. Well done, Kale.