The Akurian Queen

25 years ago

There were some times in life that never quite ended in the conclusion that you expected. There are also times when you have a longer go at life than you thought, and so when death finally did come it was certainly not an upsetting surprise, but a surprise none-the-less. Sometimes life was cut off too short. Sometimes it lasted forever. Sometimes it just dealt cruel hands all around with no thought to the poor soul trapped within the living body. Sometimes it was simply one of those things that was never meant to be understood.

When you held congress with death for so many years, yet was never granted that long sleep, you somewhat became used to the presence of risk and 'one-way-ticket' missions. You didn't really question why you came back from those types of sorties when you weren't supposed to; you just went on about your life, waiting for the next set of sealed transmissions saying where you were to go next.

It was an existence, and one that had become almost normal.

It stood to reason however, that when you found yourself staring at the wrong end of a line of blasters, you had to surmise that your number was up, and the Force was ready to take you back.

Of course, when your partner continually felt the need to natter on about certain issues instead of the one glaring problem of a stormtrooper firing squad, life and the act of living was quick to become annoying.

Not many people could say that they wished each finger would pull those triggers right now, but Loklorien s'Ilancy was ready. She glared straight ahead, her face set in a stony scowl, her breath visible as she exhaled, ignoring the incessant badgering that Dan kept on with.

Why couldn't the blaster bolts be fired yet? Why did Imperial procedure need to be followed? It was cold, she was tired, and she was moments away from yelling at each stormtrooper for this inconvenience. Instead, the Lupine settled for giving a snarl to Dan.

"Stop asking me. This is not something I wish to discuss right now. And frankly, I would think that you wouldn't want to discuss it right now, either."

Her jaw set, and she shifted her wrists in the binders she now so grumpily wore.

"Considering the circumstances and all of that."

"Some other time you'd rather talk about it?"

Dan laughed a bit, the stim in his mouth shaking from the act of doing so. Stubborn heiffer to the end, she was. And worst of all, he loved that. The stormtroopers waited for the order, like aloof statues bearing only passing witness to this very personal moment.

"This is the part in the sabacc round where you lay all your cards on the table, so that's what I'm doing."

He glanced back at s'Il, as they both stood ready to die.

"Marry me."

Another smile and a shrug.

"You'd deny a dying man's last wish?"

She brought her glare from the stormtroopers to Dan, giving him a venomous sideways look. He seemed so nonchalant about it all - so uncaring in the face of their execution, and she made a face.

"You've gone mad in the head."

24 hours earlier

For the fourth night in a row, her duties had been nothing but procedure. Or at the very least, as procedural as the Rebellion chose to make things. She read over reports filed, requests made, and contacted those that could possibly help to get the supplies Novgorod needed. With any amount of luck, those supplies would be waiting for them when they next pulled into safe harbor. That in and of itself was always give or take, so she had found herself repeating the now-familiar mantra of 'I will see what I can get'.

So four days of quiet. Four days to rest. It was a welcome change, and one that the crew most assuredly deserved.

It was nothing that would last however, and as she made her way back to the quarters that she shared with Dan, s'Il idly scratched at the upper tip of her scar, a new set of orders in her other hand. They'd come from General Brecklin, and she had yet to open. She'd allow Dan that courtesy.

A quick few motions to enter the locking code of their door, and the Lupine waited until the door had opened fully before stepping inside. It closed behind her, and she gave a light groan of exhaustion.

Dan was in the small kitchenette, and she gave him a tired smile.

There was a small box on the raised countertop that separated them, but she ignored it for the moment.

"New orders," she mumbled, holding the dataslip out for him to take.

"And so the blissful calm comes to an end."

Dan turned to face her fully, leaning against the counter as he took the dataslip.

"I was beginning to think they'd let us run of to a sunny and secluded wherever. Guess someone remembered there's a war on."

The Rebel leader tossed the dataslip onto the counter, unread.

"The General can wait, at least a few minutes. Hungry?"

She watched him cautiously, unsure if it was a trick question that he was asking, and after a few seconds of careful pondering, the Lupine finally nodded.

"I am, yes."

Though, being hungry often depended upon the galley stocks they'd been able to acquire, and while she was indeed rather starved, s'Il knew better than to expect any sort of culinary fare that would be to her liking. She had grudgingly become used to ration packs and vita-suppliments. It was the nature of their continued survival, though it was certainly nowhere near appetizing even in the best of times.

Her eye fell to the dataslip that he'd dropped to the counter.

"What sort of brick-like substance are we having for dinner tonight, then?"

Dan cast a proud expression her way.

"For you? Only the best brick will do!"

He passed her a utilitarian plate, decked out with something vaguely amorphous piled on top of it. Surprisingly, it didn't smell as bad as it looked.

"Now...with flavor!"

They were living hand-to-mouth, but sometimes you didn't want to feel like an animal. Dan could certainly understand that. Serving himself, he sat at the table and waited for her to sit opposite.

"So, let's enjoy our last moments of reprieve, no?"

With a hrmph that could have been a sign of resignation at her sustenance situation, s'Il sat opposite him, staring down at her plate with a healthy amount of skepticism. It was sweet of him to try, but they both knew that the food Novgorod usually pulled in was barely tolerable in the best of times.

She almost cringed, even, as she poked the mass with a fork.

"It looks... delightful."

Of course, any chance to ignore their food woes was taken with no small amount of hurried desperation, and s'Il leaned back in her seat. She turned to look at the small box that was still resting on the counter, and lifting a hand, called to it through the Force. It slid from the fabricated surface, sliding through the air before smacking into her palm.

Without opening the lid, the Lupine turned it over in her fingers, curious at its' velvet texturing.

"What is this?"

As soon as it was in her hand, it was out, as Dan took it back from her.

"Nothing."

Punctuating his terse comment, he gestured with his fork at her plate.

"Eat."

He quickly tucked the box away into a pants pocket, ready to bury it away from her attention.

Food had suddenly become a thing of the past, and the Lupine settled an inquisitive look to him. This new behavior was very different, and s'Il narrowed her gaze at him as she watched him take up a mess of ration slop onto his fork.

Whatever it was, it was certainly not 'nothing'. That much she had instantly determined by his actions.

She blinked.

Her fork was daintily set upon her plate.

"I can always just go brain-dipping, you know."

The threat of using the Force to probe his thoughts always yielded the desired results, and with a look that told him she was poised to slip ethereal fingers into his mind, s'Il crossed her arms.

He grimaced at her threat. Normally, he'd play along, but the stakes here were a bit higher.

"You're being a bully."

To punish her, he took a bite from her plate. Of course, he had to give her something, or else she wouldn't just drop it.

"It's a surprise. It's just not ready yet."

A frown, and the young Lupine scrunched her face up into a look of dissatisfaction. That it was a 'surprise' meant nothing. She wanted to know what it was, not that it was simply something to be shown to her at a later time.

Changing tactics then, s'Il let her shoulders sag slightly as her features fell into a softer expression of curiosity.

"How can it not be ready? It's just a little box."

Her hands came down, fingers resting over the edge of the table as she leaned forward and looked at him from over the tops of her eyes.

"Please?"

Dan shifted in his seat, uneasy at the needling.

"It's something I wanted to give you, but the circumstances are all wrong. We're eating a plate of gussied up rations here. I'd hoped to wait for a better moment."

Of course, it didn't look like he'd get the chance now. The box came out of his pocket, and he slid it across the table without saying anything.

She took the box, but kept her eye on him.

"Well, we're both alive and still breathing, so I'd say those are fairly good circumstances, wouldn't you?"

Turning it over one last time, the Lupine furrowed her brow as her gaze pulled away from Dan and focused on the box. Carefully she opened the lid.

Now her confusion was genuine.

"It's a... ring... ?"

Dan pushed his plate away, clasping both hands before him on the table.

"An engagement ring."

He let the gravity of what he said take time to have the proper impact, then followed up.

"You're right. We're still alive and breathing. Maybe tomorrow we won't be. Doesn't change the way I feel about you and about me."

Going on one knee was kitsch and he knew she wouldn't be for that. Still, the question begged asking.

"Loklorien s'Ilancy, will you marry me?"

The word 'engagement' meant nothing to her; it was a foreign concept that she'd never been aware of.

Marriage, however, was not such an unknown, and the Lupine slowly set the box back on the table, the ring still safely tucked inside. She stared at it, blinked, then looked up at him. Her hands folded together in her lap, and her face held a strange mix of emotions that were unreadable even in the best of circumstances.

She pursed her lips, drew in a long breath, and let it out through her nose.

"No."

No.

There was a long silence that followed. He didn't look at her. Eventually he reached forward, took the box, and slowly slid it back to his side of the table. Closing it up, Dan rose from his seat, and left the room.

For the very first time that she had known him, there was no further questioning. It was enough make the Lupine stare after him in disbelief. There was no argument, no question as to why she'd given the answer that she had. He had always had further words to speak, but now there was nothing.

Turning to give one last look to her plate of food, s'Il pushed back from the table while rising to her feet in one smooth motion. She followed after Dan, and stopped in the doorway to their small bedroom.

When she spoke, her voice was partially stilted, as conflicting interests battled within her mind - was she supposed to console him... ? Or was she supposed to explain her answer... ?

"I don't understand what is wrong with our current arrangement."

"Our current arrangement."

He played with her turn of phrase, and it sounded so laughably artificial to him. His back still facing her, he stood in the common room, looking out the viewport.

"You make it sound like we've been working on a business deal."

Dan turned the box over in his hands, out of sight from her.

"Of course we haven't."

She could at least tell that her choice of words had not been the best, but still she pressed on.

"What you and I are is not what you and Nena were."

A look to the dataslip that still rested on the counter, and s'Il found herself somewhat angry at this new situation.

"It is nowhere near the same, and I'll not be her replacement."

"No, you're not a replacement for Nena. She was her own kind of special, and that'll always be with me."

Dan turned to face her, as he weighed his words carefully.

"But what we have, this arrangement you call it, what else do you think that is? You can try all you want to call it another name, but that cheapens it, and it insults us both."