Unraveling

Edited foreword: This thread is mainly drabbles about scenes and ideas I have and had about Ben; about where he's been and where he's going. They're not in chronological order.

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If there was one thing Ben Merasska hadn’t quite understood about prison, it was how boring it could get. Hours upon hours spent simply staring at a wall, until hallucinated colors swirled across the surface like the haunting colors of a hyperspace jump

Also relevant to your interests and general well-being is the fact that equivalent retribution is in your very near future

and his mind wandered, which was (at least now) something he desperately tried to avoid.

It was lonely. The silence was so unbearably intense (not loud, never loud, not that old cliché) that he’d remember how Alderaan sounded in those long hours in hyperspace

So, how come you’re running hot? Did you kill someone or something?

and Albatross, and sometimes he could swear he heard Lyanie humming a tune from far away like he could sometimes hear on the Knightfall.

Exercise quickly dominated his time, though even then those damn traitorous thoughts would pop into his head and he’d remember oh stars he’d remember and it would hurt so much someone say something

Stop. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out.

At times he’d wished he was in the regular prison (regular prison? Kriff that sounded stupid he must have spent too much time in this solitary cell) so that at least he wouldn’t have to live with just himself. And no one visited. Even his food was delivered via tube, not even a droid to speak to and it was stifling unbearable I’m sorry I’m sorry it shouldn’t have been me to live so many people dead dead dead dead

He started crying uncontrollably three weeks into his sentence, and tears kept falling until he’d lost track of time. Time. He smiled, running a hand over his beard, scratching an itch and then running a hand through his hair, unkempt and greasy and Palara wouldn’t likely have anything to do with him like this.

Esther.

He was honestly surprised with himself when he realized he hadn’t thought of her for some time, considering. But now, now he remembered something that didn’t hurt, and he focused, remembering her short hair, the way she’d smiled that first time he’d made her laugh, and how much she looked like no no no don’t go there

Suddenly, even though he knew he was still unraveling like a cheaply made jacket, he didn’t feel so bad about this place, and the silence. It was like dying, but then, he’d already died before, hadn’t he? The Galaxy had simply forgot to finish the job, until now.

She knew something was wrong when she saw tear tracks on Palara’s face. Palara never cried. The woman was an amazing actress. Esther wanted to be like her.

“Esther,” the twi’lek said in her exotic accent, breathing the ‘h’ after enunciating the ‘t’, instead of melding them together like everyone else. Fresh tears started to drip down her exotic cheekbones. Esther felt tears begin to sting her own eyes, she wondered why; she wasn’t particularly empathetic. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” she replied, wiping her eyes. Palara’s lekku drooped.

“Ben,” she started, and Esther bit her lip, but now that the knowledge was finally there in the front of her brain, she could recognize the hurting in her chest and her eyes dammed the tears, just like when Grandfather Den had died.

Esther shook her head to stop Palara from speaking those final words. Palara looked grateful.

She walked away, knowing that Palara would no longer be visiting every now and again like she had been. The stars blanketed the sky, and it struck her that she now understood; among all those stars, she was alone.

Transmission TOP SECRET encryption Aurek 00-43 Cresh decryption successful password accepted message follows

Madam Secretary
In accordance with your directive to keep you informed as to the ‘prisoner’ and his well being, I regret to inform you that the prison database has him listed as deceased one hundred and thirty days from the time key on this message. Cause and date and time are included in the attached files. It was difficult getting this. Destroy this message and the files after reading.

The blaster was still smoking when he and Palara stalked back aboard Alderaan. He couldn't remember when he last felt murderous. Wyl was saying something, but at catching sight of the Captain's expression, he was understandably quiet and kept out of the way.

Esther.

His niece. His niece. Damn it Den, how hard was it to send word that he and Esther had lived? How hard was it? Not that damn hard at all.

He hadn't recognized her from the holostills. Or even her voice from the holorecordings. He'd only seen her once when she was a tiny little thing, barely the size of his forearm. He'd needed to hear her name, from Salivan. Salivan. That old bantha shit professor who'd worked with Den.

"Ben! You're alive! Well of course you are. Heard about what you and Den have done. Good show. Though how is little Esther doing? I imagine being his granddaughter, raised by him for years as she was, she was quite hurt. But he died for a good cause I suppose. That should be some small comfort..."

And what the hell was she doing? Running around with bounty hunters? Stars. He dropped his blaster on his bunk before he started shooting holes in Alderaan.

"Ben. We need to go."

He glanced up, still feeling his hate and frustration and anger pulling his mouth into a thin downward arcing line, blurring Palara and Wyl until he could barely see them.

"Right," he said, finally, his voice warbling. Hearing his own voice made him quiet, surprised at the amount of anger still oozing out of him. "Let's go. I've got someone to catch up with."

"La la la," she was singing. Humming, actually. But humming was basically just a different kind of singing, wasn't it? "La, la la la."

Ben idly debated joining in with Lyanie, but after a second, he only continued on his way up into the cockpit. Cap'n Henning was sitting in the communications suite, staring at the screens which denoted frequency and emission strength.

"Ben," the Cap'n greeted, leaning back in his seat.

"Hey Cap'n," Ben returned, stopping for a moment. "Something interesting going on in the wild world of subspace?"

The Cap'n smiled his Captain-y smile, the one that made Ben wonder if he was trying to learn how to smile again, and shook his head.

"Not much, it seems. But hyperspace tends to do that."

Ben grinned and shrugged in embarrassment. He'd forgotten that they were in transit. With a weak laugh and mumbled nonsense, the Knightfall pilot made his way into the cockpit and pulled out the paneling that covered the ship's main computer. The colors and light of hyperspace cast an eerie sort of ambiance in the small space of pressure that was the part of the ship Ben was kneeling in. With a quick glance at the mess of wires and circuits he was working in, he pulled out a little soldering tool and a couple spare circuit nodes, and dove into the computer's innards. When he pulled himself out a few seconds later, he saw that the Cap'n had seated himself in the co-pilot's seat, and was looking out into hyperspace.

Ben replaced the paneling and pushed the spare electronic parts back into their little nook, and plopped himself into the pilot's seat. He leaned back and watched as they flew through reality far faster than light. The faux silence (there was still the background noise of the engine, the soft blinking of lights and short beeps from the consoles, which kept it from being truly silent) stretched over him like a warm blanket. It was comfortable, a bed he could sleep in.

"Ahem," a voice broke the silence, and both he and the Cap'n jumped and looked back, to see a grinning Lyanie standing there with her hands in her pockets. "Sorry to break up this oh so important conversation, but it's about chow time. My turn to cook, so we're having some of that soup that we picked up on Eriadu."

"Need help?" the Cap'n asked, and Ben grinned in anticipation of a meal that wasn't ration bars and nutrient water. The Cap'n stood and exited the cockpit, talking with Lyanie about how it was Ben's turn to do dishes after. Ben glanced down at the nav-display and tweaked it a bit, noting that the lane had shifted slightly due to a pulsar's emissions slowly tapering off. Ben leaned back and sighed in contentment, the comfortable silence once more settling down. The noises of Lyanie and Cap'n setting up the meal didn't break the soft blanket of tranquility rather than wrinkled it.

Ben didn't mind.

"Set the instruments for a slow interrogation. We have plenty of time."

Ben couldn't get the searing light out of his eyes. It was painful, even when his eyes were closed. Then instead of darkness there was a dark red tinge over the blackness of the inside of his eyelids, like a curtain of blood. He didn't appreciate the imagery he was conjuring up.

Ned was sitting in her cell, he was sure. He hoped. As much as he wished their places were switched — she was stronger, he wasn't brave or could keep his cool in these sorts of situations, she could, it wasn't cold or cruel to wish she was being tortured instead — he also felt a small bit of relief in the hope that at least she wasn't being tortured too. It was a small station.

He could feel a pair of speakers being pushed into his ears, prompting a thrill of terror. Small applicators were being placed on his body, wires leading from them to a machine off to the side.

"Where were you heading?" the Imperial asked, and Ben kept himself from looking at the man. The machine lit up and small charges from the applicators caused his muscles to spasm painfully, his back arching off the table and his whimpers of pain drowned out by that very pain itself. "Who were you smuggling for?"

The speakers began blaring three tones into his ears. He couldn't tell how long the sound battered at his brain, but when the stimuli finally stopped, he was still spasming, and he was happy that he couldn't hear himself telling them everything. Cirr, Lyanie, the Rebellion, the Wheel, all of it came tumbling out of his mouth. The pain came again.

They used everything, like they were children who were playing with toys they hadn't been able to touch for months. Branding, drugs, agony inducers, even an IT-O droid with all of its impersonal terror.

Ben just wanted it to stop. So he screamed out how to find the Wheel, where they were last he'd heard, the name of the Alliance officer who'd given him the goods on his ship.

He'd worry about the guilt after the pain ended.

And then the lights went out.

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"Ben! Where were you?"

He glanced up, making sure his clothes hid the signs. The weakness of his limbs, and the way his eyes couldn't focus on her probably alerted Ned to the truth anyway.

"Put me in a different cell from yours," he replied. "Isolation's the first thing they go for, it looks like."

She opened her mouth, her eyes, dark and brown and strong and perceptive...

"We gotta get out of here," he said, cutting her off. "This place doesn't seem like it's going to last much longer."

The Imperial station shuddered around them and Ben shoved the memory of Rafine laying on the floor (smiling, but there was nothing in her eyes at all) away. Instead he focused on Ned, and how she was stepping toward him. He shook his head. Screams were echoing through the station as soldiers desperately tried to get in touch with anyone.

"This is TK-673, we're on deck four. Hostile creatures are seemingly immune to blaster fire. We'll try to hold them off, but we need reinforcements."

The Stormtrooper turned towards them, and then back around, instead going back to where four other troopers were flanking a door. Ben saw the door burst open and all of a sudden he was back on that ship and Ssi Ruuk were tearing through the troopers. He screamed, but Ned, glorious cool Ned, smacked the door control and it closed on them.

They got to the Albatross just in time to see it taking off and leaving them behind.

Ben screamed again.

"Here."

Esther looked up, and then quickly looked away. Ben didn't say anything. He just pushed the little wide-screened tablet over to her. The galley was quiet. She took the tablet and powered it on, her eyes widening as a two dimensional picture of Grandfather Denton was displayed. He looked young. He had dark hair and eyes. He wasn't wearing a beard, but Esther couldn't mistake the way his eyebrows curved, how his eyes were always that dark, making him look incredibly serious, even in his rare playful moods. He was wearing a jersey of some sort, and was standing in a field. She looked up. Ben was tracing a pattern into the tabletop.

"Uncle Den used to be an athlete."

"What did he play?" she asked, realizing that perhaps she hadn't known as much about her grandfather as she had thought. Ben shrugged, sitting down next to her.

"Something like smashball, only without a lot of the technology. High class sport."

She moved on to the next picture, and there were two people holding a baby. She glanced up at Ben, who looked at her with a tremulous smile.

"My cousin Ren. His wife Aredde. And their daughter, Esther," he said. Esther's eyes widened, and she looked at her parents, and was that her? "This was taken in front of their house at the time, about a week after you were born."

She stared at the picture for a few moments longer, and then swiped the screen to get to the next picture. A reddish-blond haired man was holding a baby while sitting on a sofa. "Is that...?"

"Yeah. Same day as the last picture. I was helping them move in. Your mother was still recovering, so she went to take a nap. Your dad was taking holos of everything. He was so excited. Kept going on about making your room space-themed."

"Why?"

"Your name. It means 'Star'."

She glanced up at Ben, who wasn't even looking at the picture. He was staring down at the table, his face a mix of emotions Esther couldn't even begin to decipher. She put the tablet down and hugged him. Ben went rigid for a moment before relaxing and letting an arm drape over her.

"Hey, Uncle Ben? Would you, um, tell me more about them? My parents. Our family, I mean."

"Well, technically I'm your cousin, but Ren introduced me to you the first time as your Uncle Ben..."

The messages stared at him from the console, aurebesh letters in a green color just sitting there, frozen.

You must know that she isn't what she seems.

Target is searching for missile platforms. Motives unknown, but potential for sparking a conflict between our Empire and the Alliance is high.

"Ben?"

"I do know where they are, you know," he said. She didn't say anything. "You've been hinting at it for a while now. I'm not too quick on the uptake, yeah, but things like that aren't hard to miss."

Palara sat down in the co-pilot's chair, and looked at him intently.

"They're trying to get to me. I know it. I know it. So why does it stick like this?" Palara made to speak, but he shook his head, looking at her for the first time. "I've kept my nose out of your business. I always knew you were doing something, but it wasn't my place. I figured that whatever you were doing, I knew you well enough that... I don't know. That you wouldn't... betray is too stuck up a word. It's not like you swore an oath to me or anything."

Palara leaned back, looking like she'd been fed bad seafood and it was playing hell with her stomach.

"But now you know. I know where they are. They know I know. You know I know," he looked at her, and she was, for once, completely open. "Am I your target? Was all of it so you could start a war?"

"No," she answered. "You are not my target."

"You're Imperial."

"Yes. Zough, sometimes... I wish I was not."

"Will you turn me in to your boss?"

Palara leaned forward and placed her hands on his knees.

"No."

And in spite of the relief he felt, in spite of the fact that he believed her, he knew that she was still dangerous. To him. To Wyl. To Esther. Because in any event, he didn't know what she was after, all the way out here, so far from the Empire. Why she had joined up with him in the first place, and how much of what he felt was due to her manipulating him.

He didn't know why he would keep her on Alderaan for as long as she would stay.

Ben had the holo-receiver on. It was playing a classic, with plenty of strings and a piano beating out a tune accompanying a crooner's voice. Ben preferred crooners, and rhythmic jazz. Esther was following it to the starboard forward engine block, where she could hear them talking.

"You know 'ow to dance?" That was Palara. The sound of a ratchet echoed through the ship.

"Used to do it all the time," Ben's muffled voice indicated he was at least neck deep in an access panel. "All the classics are great for it. And while I wasn't and am not the most handsome man, a good dancer is always in demand."

Palara laughed. Esther smiled. She didn't think Ben wasn't all that bad looking. But maybe she was biased.

"Aren't you good at it? I mean you're graceful and all," he continued.

"Only a few certain kind of dances. Not ones with partners 'oo would be dancing with you," Palara said in amusement. Ben laughed.

"I bet you're a natural," he said, "Ow! Damn it! Kriffing thing."

Esther came up on them, but said nothing, watching as Ben pulled himself out of an access shaking his hand. He was dirty, covered in grease and there were a few burn marks on his shirt.

"Is zis a comment on my species being naturally graceful," Palara asked in a deceptively light tone. Ben only grinned and nodded while sucking on the tip of his finger. She laughed then. "Show me zen. I don't know 'ow to dance to zis sort of music."

"It's easy," he said, standing up completely and wiping his hands on his shirt. "Here. Hand on my shoulder. My hand goes here, and our feet should be like this. Now take my hand."

Esther's smile widened as she watched Ben hold Palara close, his left hand on the small of her back, and his right holding her left.

"Now start moving to the beat of the music. Sway," he said, and Palara moved like she was dancing all her life. They swayed, shifting their weight from one foot to the other. "See? Like you've been born for this. Not a lot of room for turns in here though. Oh! Esther!"

Ben disengaged from Palara and backed away, a bit flushed. Palara seemed only amused.

"Oh, don't stop for me," Esther said, needling Ben with a smile. "I'll just leave you two your privacy."

Ben leaned back, looking embarrassed.

"I'm glad," Palara said. "'E was doing a very good job. Sweeping me off my feet, you might say."

"Ha ha ha," Ben answered. "Wait. I was? Esther, gimme a few minutes."

Esther didn't, but Ben stepped back up to a widely grinning Palara and they started dancing again. The song changed, and Ben deftly led Palara over to Esther where he taught her a jig sort of dance, and Palara joined in. It reminded Esther of another laughing man and woman showing her how to dance under a bright sky.

She felt like she was home again.

Homestead, Somov Rit

"This ship is a piece of shit."

Ben winced, but had to admit that she was right. It wasn't just dated, it was old, older than the huge barn it was sitting in and that was saying something as the duracrete and wooden structure was well over two hundred years old, and more than anything else, it looked a bit silly. But he had to defend it.

"Tell me where you're going to find a ship we can get for free."

That shut her up. He felt guilty for not actually defending it. Instead of saying anything else, he gestured to her and stomped up the ramp. Inside, her eyes widened.

"Okay. How does it look worse on the inside? That shouldn't be possible."

"She hasn't been flown in a while."

Her eyes narrowed. "He."

"I'm captain. This is my ship. Unless you kill me for it, which I really hope you won't do." He was somewhat gratified to see her look more than a bit put off by the suggestion. "So we're following my naming conventions, alright? Sorta like your family did."

"Clan. And there's a reason for that," she said, glaring at him. He nodded, not looking at her.

"Exactly. And that's why."

They tromped through the ship, finding that though it definitely didn't look new, it had definitely seen its fair share of work done to it. He especially like the repair bay, and the cubby holes of tools designated 'Good', 'Bad', and 'Shit'. She liked that the weapons systems weren't completely outdated. The cargo bays were large, and if he knew anything about this ship, it had plenty of great hiding places. The more he walked in it, the more natural it felt to be there. It was like his jacket. Lots of work done to it, but it had a lot of history.

They sat down in the dusty cockpit, and tried not breathe too deeply. She sneezed delicately, which embarrassed her, and tickled him to no end. Taataani Onashi, sneezing like a well bred city girl.

They couldn't see out of the viewports, but that wasn't too bad of a problem to fix.

"What's his — her — name?" she asked. "Captain Ben Hadrana?"

He grinned. He liked the sound of that.

"Alderaan."

He staggered from the chamber the moment he found his feet, though disoriented from the snowy haze that had enveloped his mind. It was like that concussion he'd experienced back when he first met Mama Taa. He could hear the patter of boots in the corridors, and hid himself behind a corner.

The booted people didn't pass him. They stopped, and some voices filtered through his foggy mind.

"Is this the door?"

"Yes."

"When can I blow something up? Sure, I've killed quite a few of these lizard things, but..."

"Onashi, shut up."

The booted feet entered the chamber, and it took Ben a moment to realize where they had gone.

"Hey, hey wait," he called, weakly, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. Why did every part of him ache? "Don't go in there. They'll... they'll rip you out."

The sound of boots on the floor filled his ears again. He looked up. A man stared down at him with a neutral expression on his face, and his hair, tied back loosely, fell down off his shoulder. Ben couldn't help but laugh.

"They'll rip you out," he laughed. "Lay you down and rip you out of yourself."

The man stood and raised a hand to his ear, but his action was halted by a voice coming from down the hall.

"Onashi! Come on! We're getting out of here!"

The man's hand dropped slightly, but rose again. Ben tried to mimic the motion, but found his body was almost completely unresponsive.

"Onashi!"

"I can't move," Ben giggled. The man's hand dropped and he stepped away towards the other voices, which faded away after a moment. A moment later, Ben tried moving again, and despite the sluggishness and otherness of his limbs, he found his feet and staggered off in a random direction. Even though the ship was huge, and before there'd been an uncountable number of the monsters, now there was nothing. He could hear voices in the distance, but no one, not even a droid, crossed his path.

The heat began to die down, and Ben found his head clearing as the temperature dropped. The concussion didn't fade completely, and the headache that replaced it was horrible, but Ben found himself able to piece together what had happened, and swore. He pushed himself to go on, and finally found a lift, of a sort; the platform was much larger than anything he recognized as an interior lift. He pressed a button and panted, feeling the slight jolts as the lift passed the moorings on each floor. When the lift door opened, he staggered out onto what seemed like a bridge of some kind, though it was just as deserted as the rest of the ship he'd seen so far. He staggered over to a viewport and gasped.

An Imperial cruiser and an Alliance frigate were caught in the midst of a raging battle, though Ben couldn't tell if they were fighting each other or the monsters on the ship. That question was answered a moment later as the cruiser's turbolasers unleashed hell on him, causing the entire ship to shudder. Another, larger explosion ripped through the interior, and Ben was thrown forward onto a panel. He pressed some buttons, only to see unreadable displays and hear nightmarish growls and calls. He continued to press buttons, his fingers shaking, as the cruiser fired again. This salvo hit much closer, and the viewport cracked ominously. Finally something intelligible echoed through the speakers.

"Novgorod prepared to fire missiles."

"Very good Novgorod. Fire missiles on mark three."

"Mark three, understood."

"One..."

Ben's eyes widened.

"Wait!" he screamed, staring up at the two distant starships. "Wait! Don't shoot! I'm still here!"

"Two. Arm missiles. Lock in targets."

"Missiles armed, targets locked in."

He glanced down and pressed what he hoped was the outbound comm switch.

"Three. Fire."

"Novgorod firing."

"WAIT! I don't wanna die!" he shouted, watching as a volley of missiles wound their way from the frigate. "No!"

"...Ben?!"

It sounded like Cirr. Ben was entranced though, staring at the missiles as they flew straight through the intervening space and toward him.

"I don't wanna die," he panted. His body shook, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the glare of the missiles' exhausts. Those spots of light were getting larger.

"...Ben! Ben, are you on the Ssi Ruuk ship? Ben? Ben!"

"I don't wanna die," he shouted. "Help me —"

There was a brief moment of searing heat and intense pain, and then nothing.

Ren Hadrana opened the door, inordinately pleased at the whirring sound it made.

"Where's Ben?" Aredde asked, shifting Esther gently in her arms. The little girl had just calmed down. "He hasn't left, has he?"

Ren shrugged, stepping into the living room, and grinned.

"Found him."

Ben was sleeping on the sofa, one foot propped up on the armrest, the other planted on the floor, mirrored by his arms.

Aredde huffed out a soft laugh, looking around at the room and the empty moving boxes tossed in a corner.

"He must have worked hard to get all this in here before we got here," she noted. Ren nodded, and poked his cousin's shoulder. Ben spasmed and sat up quickly, his eyes bleary.

"Hey there sleepy," Ren greeted. Ben nodded, rubbing his eyes.

"Oh, uh, hi," he said, wakefulness finally catching up with him. His eyes drifted to Aredde, and then to the bundle in her arms, where they stopped and widened.

"What's her name?" he breathed. Aredde smiled, and offered the newborn to him. He gently took her.

"Esther," Aredde answered, while Ren grabbed the holocamera and snapped a quick shot. Ben looked down at the little newborn girl and smiled.

"Hey there, Esther," he said. "I'm your Uncle Ben. I'm looking forward to seeing you grow up and spoiling you rotten every step of the way."

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"You like it?" Shuvin asked, grinning at how Esther's eyes seemed transfixed on the slim dress. Esther nodded.

"Yeah," she said. "But it wouldn't work on me."

"I don't think so," Shuvin answered. "I think you'd look right fancy in it."

Ben waited until they walked farther on, before looking at the price of the dress. He glanced down at the credit chits in his hand, and frowned.

"Next time," he promised under his breath. "I'll have enough."

"I dunno," he said. Esther glared. "Fine. Fine."

Esther knew her husband disliked coming here. She could even understand it. But she owed Ben too much to not come.

They made their way up the long path to the house. The door opened as they approached, showing a young male Cizerack servant.

"Welcome," he said. "The mjistrress jis awajitjing you with the master in the garden."

Esther nodded, and the group followed the servant through the house, which was actually smaller than the Alderaani woman would have expected from Ben's benefactor.

"jI asked hjim," Taataani had said simply when Esther asked why she'd not made a mansion during a previous visit. "And he said he just wanted a small house. He was verjy clear that he djidn't want a mansjion."

She pouted at that last bit, making Esther laugh.

"When did you ask him?" Esther asked. Taataani smiled.

"Before he met jyou, darljing," she said, laying a hand on her arm. "jI had to add the garden. Thjis place needed some taste."

This time, the aging Meorrrei Matriarch was sitting next to Ben on a bench in the small garden she'd added onto the property without Ben's permission. Both looked old, which struck Esther as being wrong somehow. It had taken Taataani a while before she'd begun showing it enough to make cosmetics and surgeries a waste of time. Ben had begun stooping and going grey much sooner than her. Or maybe she'd just allowed him to see her grey as he'd begun to show. Esther wasn't quite sure.

Taa smiled and nodded at her as they drew up on the old Alderaani pilot and Cizerack senator.

"Hey Ben," Esther said, kneeling in front of him. He smiled a bit, and his eyes travelled over her face. "I've brought someone for you to meet."

Ben's eyes drifted down to the bundle in her arms. His mouth opened, and he breathed a few words.

"Hmm?"

"What's her name?" he asked again. Esther smiled.

"Denton. It's a boy," she explained. Ben looked down at the little baby in one arm, though the weight was mostly in his lap. Esther's hands kept her child steady in his place. His free hand gently traced the contours of little Denton's face before gently resting on his chest.

"Hey there, Esther," he murmured.

"Yes?" she asked.

"I'm your uncle Ben. I look forward to seeing you grow up..."

"Ben?" Esther asked after a moment. She'd waited for him to continue, and used the time wipe her moist eyes. "Ben?"

She bent further to look at his downturned face, and saw his closed eyes and mouth. It could have been her imagination, but she thought there was a smile on his face too.

"Ben?" she asked once more, her voice warbling a bit. She placed a hand on his chest, and after a few moments, pulled away. She picked up little Den, and pressed a small kiss to Ben's temple. "Bye, Ben."

"Hey there!" he said. "Sorry, but I had to run. Leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Bye now!"

No matter how many times she watched it, she couldn't believe what it meant.

"Hey there! Sorry, but I had to run. Leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Bye now!"

The other woman had already gone off to find him, leaving Iscandar to watch a face she'd thought long gone, inscribing all the details she could glean from the horrible hologram that was stuck on repeat in this dank and filthy prison cell. He looked gaunt, and his expression was too malleable, as if it were a putty mask in the process of constantly changing. His hair was longer, and he was unshaven and unkempt. But there was no doubt.

"Hey there!" he said. "Sorry, but I had to run. Leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Bye now!"

It was Ben Merasska.

Her introspection was cut short by a coughing fit coming from right next to her. Completely taken by surprise, she jumped back and tripped into a wall, sliding down into a sitting position as the coughing fit continued. There, underneath the extended cell bunk...

Palara couldn't help but laugh.

"Ben," she whispered, crawling over to where he was curled up beneath the bunk. "Ben. Let's go, yes?"

His eyes opened.

"It worked?" he asked, his eyes not quite focused on her. "Ha! Hiding under your bed does save you from monsters."

"I'm sure zat you are ze only one who could 'ave ever pulled off such an escape, Ben," Iscandar replied. Ben grinned tremulously. "I am surprised at 'ow lucid you are zough."

"Hey there! Sorry, but I had to run. Leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Bye now!"

"Who said I was lucid?" he shot back, one arm wrapping around her shoulder. Palara laughed, and stood, hefting the incredibly light man up to his feet. Ben only turned to look at her straight on, squinting.

"Seriously. Are you real?"

Soundtrack

Esther didn’t know how long she’d been standing by the river, just staring at the water as it flowed sluggishly past. It could have been hours, but time was strange here. It seemed to eddy and slow down, and thicken such that she could almost feel it entering her lungs like a thick humidity.

She turned, and Ben was there, hands jammed into his pockets, staring at her like one of those eerie bas-reliefs that covered the halls of the Asteroid. Her breath caught in her throat.

“Ben?” she whispered.

“Esther,” he said, his voice strangely calm, like a placid lake under the stars. It wasn’t what she was used to at all; his voice should warble, thrum with an anxious energy that was all his own.

“I miss you so much,” she whispered, taking a few steps toward him. “I’m so... I’m so sorry. It should have been...”

“Esther,” Ben said again in that odd voice, calm and relaxed and so serene it made her hurt with relief. “I’d have died a thousand million times over for you. We all would have.”

“We?” she asked tremulously, taking another slow step to him. Ben smiled, and all at once around her people faded into view, like holograms, but opaque and in highly saturated color. Her breath caught in her throat as a familiar form appeared next to Ben.

“Grandfather?” she asked, and Denton’s smile had her wiping her eyes as she looked around. There were so many people. A young girl on her father’s side smiled brightly and waved from where she stood next to a young man. It was everything she’d ever dreamed. And behind those who’d appeared first she could feel somehow the presences of many other people, all full of love and a comfortable warmth.

“We’re so proud of you darling,” a woman said, a man standing next to her. Esther had only seen them in holos shown to her by Grandfather Denton and knew of them only through stories told by Ben.

“Mum? Dad?” Esther walked closer, and reach out. Her hand stopped on warm flesh and soft fabric. Her heart was beating like it would burst out of her chest. She hugged them.

“We’re so sorry baby,” her mother murmured, Esther’s hair fluttering from her breath. Her father’s hand rested on her shoulder. “We love you so much.”

She pulled back, and turned to Ben and her Grandfather, both of whom looked hale, and healthy; not at all like they had appeared when she’d last seen them. She ran to them and wrapped her arms around Ben. He returned the embrace, and she could feel her family gathering around, faintly glowing in the twilight, and a warmth spread through her, from the tips of her toes up and even through her hair.

“We all love you so very much, Esther,” Ben said, and Esther hugged him even more tightly, wishing that she’d done this more often. He had seemed to need a hug so badly then...

All their voices murmuring their love for her hummed through her; she felt full, as if she could burst. She could tell that she was crying. She opened her eyes and could see them all fading; she could say nothing, as all that were left were Grandfather Denton, and Ben. Soon, it was just her and Ben.

“Don’t leave,” she said tiredly. “Not yet, please. Don’t leave.”

“I’ll stay here with you like this until the morning,” Ben said. “But I’ll always be with you, Esther. Always.”

“I’m sorry Ben,” she breathed softly, as if any words more loudly spoken would disperse Ben like smoke. She could still him falling...

“Esther,” he said, and she looked into his face. “I spent my whole life running from that emptiness that came from losing Alderaan. And the only thing that filled it was you. Even if I had known I was going to die going after you, I would do it again.”

He threaded his fingers through her hair.

“Because you’re my niece. The only part of me left in the universe is in you now.”

They sat on the banks of the river, and Ben hummed a tune, one arm around her.


I run on summer grass
No cares for me today
It might be cold tomorrow
But I’ll run again someday.


“What song is that?” Esther asked; but even as she did, her eyes closed, and she fell asleep, basking in the warmth and feel and sound of Ben.


When she awoke, he was gone, and she was curled up on the riverbank alone.

A dark, yet still lit landing pad. And she walks up, with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a smile. Cina, she says her name is. He's been around long enough to be cynical of almost anything. Especially women. Sexist? Maybe. But, after all he's been through, it's sadly just experience.



"Eluna," she says her name is, after they all almost die.

"Nice to meetcha Eluna. My name's Ben. Ben Merasska."



"Cap'n Ben," she says in her message. "I was thinking I could use a lift next time you're around."

She comes back. This time she has red hair. He still has questions in his mind about her, suspicious little thoughts that burrow in and bury themselves deep. She's sweet, though.


She sends messages. Small little things, really. Sometimes just a holostill of a Nubian ship she's seen, or of her standing on various planets. She started sneaking in 'wish you were here' and 'thinking about you', and he barely noticed. Once, he sent a message back. She answered, putting a small question about a freighter class into the end of it. He replied, and before he knows it, he's waiting for her messages. He doesn't understand it, maybe it's a sense of security in not having her right there, but he tells her about Alderaan (the planet). His family. His Uncle.



They kiss on Ryloth. She tears the slave collar from his neck (he's a bit out of it, but he doesn't question the fact she can tear it off with just her hands — she is a droid, if not the most human droid he's ever seen — after all), and looks at him. When his eyes clear, she's there, and she looks so relieved and happy, and presses her lips to his. To his surprise, he responds to it.



Going to the doctor for a bruised pelvis the first time they try knocking boots was funny. Even if he'd only admit it later. But at the moment, Eluna laughing at him and herself made him laugh too. Shuvin didn't let him forget it for years; asking him and Eluna whether they had worked out how to have her on top yet.



Getting married was ridiculous. He'd expected them to just have some small ceremony on some backwater planet. Somehow Taa found out, and suddenly there's dignitaries, Cirr, Lyanie, Palara — how she could move about as if she wasn't the sworn enemy of at least half of the attending guests was beyond him, though he couldn't imagine any of them, even Eluna, actually managing to kill her — that Marron kid and his wife, Ned and Shuvin both packing heat and threatening death to any and everyone that even contemplated ruining the occasion, and the official doing the ceremony thought they were playing a trick on him when he walked in to see it all. He resolved to just get through it when the Alderaani King gave him some medal. King or not, though, giving Esther those looks annoyed him. Sure, the King was her age. Still, it was the principle of the thing.



They keep flying. It's Eluna's idea to start saving up for a place on a planet. He doesn't quite feel like it. But he agrees. He captains the ship, she captains him. It works well enough. And it keeps her from getting angry at him. Stars, one tap from her and he'd be done. One thing they can't really agree on is what planet. Every once in a while she comes up with a planet, describing it to him, and he listens. He turns down New Alderaan without even thinking about it. Esther seems pretty annoyed at that. Sometimes he gets a bit down that he won't have kids with Eluna. And then Esther acts like a brat and he's so very glad he doesn't have to worry about raising a teenager more than once. Eluna reminds him of Shuvin, and he amends the previous statement to twice. They continue.



Shuvin dies. It's a quick death, a life given to save a life. Noble. Ben buries her, and keeps flying.



Esther leaves. Ben puts up a brave, happy face; he knew it was going to happen. When her shadow is gone and the ramp is back in place he sits in the galley and stares at the tabletop, feeling like he's lost his way. It annoys him, because Esther didn't give meaning to the tramp freighting life any more than it gave meaning to her. For the first time in a long time, he examines his life and wonders if he's been living it the way he should be. Did he do right by Esther? By Shuvin? Eluna sits next to him and after some time, she looks at him and says, "Let's go exploring."

They do. The Unknown Regions, Wild Space, the Trianii Colonies. He sees wonderful things. Eluna makes sure to take holographs and send them to Esther and Lyanie. It's probably the first time he's actually felt at peace since Yavin, even including marrying Eluna. They don't ask for news. Ben's left it all behind. It's not his galaxy anymore. But he notices in the messages and images they send to Shuvin and Esther. The lines in his face grow more prominent. His hair thins and fades. Eluna remains as youthful as ever, though. He can see it start to trouble her. He keeps up his exercises. He eats the food she gives him, filled with all the materials and calories he needs. It keeps him going for quite a while.



But he can't keep going forever. Each day he gets up gets more difficult on his bones, on his body. One night, he lays down next to her, smiles at her, sees her smile back, and closes his eyes. He doesn't wake up.



For a long time, Eluna doesn't either. She cremates him, shuts down, and is unresponsive.



Eluna cleans the ship. Odds and ends are everywhere. A thigh bone from one of the best fried avians Ben's ever had. A ball, given by a small boy. In this process she finds a note, and documents. Alderaan is hers. Or Esther's if she doesn't want it. If neither of them want it, they can sell it. And a picture of a house on a hillside, surrounded by fields. It's Esther's home.

I like the look of this place is written in Ben's messy scrawl in the corner. I want to end up here. Thanks for the happiest days of my life. Here's looking forward to yours.



Esther's son looks on in awe at the ship as it lands. Esther and Eluna build a large barn over it to keep it protected from the elements. And when it's finished, Esther looks on in appreciation and satisfaction, and turns to Eluna to share those feelings with her.

Eluna is gone.

Esther closes the door to the barn.

"What's up, queer?"

Ben looked up, an easy smile on his face.

"So! Haven't seen you in a while. What've you been up to?"

Solvan Merasska shrugged his bony shoulders negligently.

"Eh. Work. Though I do have some pretty wizard things going on. Here, take a look," the third Merasska sibling said. Ben stood, and followed him out into the speeder garage, which as usual was piled in a noticeably organized but still messy and haphazard manner; the structure was underneath, and the mess was visibly more recent. The middle was cleared and had a large tarp spread over duracrete slab, on which were multiple spray cans of paint and used stencils. Set in the middle of the tarp and surrounded by the paint and stencils was a large canvas spread over a wood frame. A woman was painted on it in shimmering colors contrasted against the white of the canvas and somehow, using the same colors and only using that contrast, had a flower in bloom behind her. Each blended into the other and was still clearly distinguishable.

Ben's eyes widened.

"Stars and sky, that's amazing," he said, leaning forward. "You mapped out each color and cut the stencils for it yourself?"

So shrugged, nodding.

"Got a couple others. Made this one for a friend. Getting paid for it. Others I just had the thought for."

"This is damn good," Ben observed. Normally he was more reserved in his praise for his brothers, as they all had rocky relationships with each other. So owed him a good deal of money still.

So smiled quickly, the expression sliding on and off his face like a shifting sand dune.

The alarm sounded.

"Ben! How long are we going to be... wherever we're going again?"

Ben didn't answer, his voice stuck in his throat, and the colors of hyperspace played out on his face ethereally like a tunnel of stencil painted roses.

Ben shifted in his seat, feeling the air of Dantooine ruffle his hair and run through his short beard. It felt odd, not having a beard. He'd walked up to the mirror in his cabin and picked up the razor, but he put it down without even raising it to his gaunt face. He stared down at his hands most of the time, when he caught himself staring at Palara, who let him stare with an unruffled aplomb. Shuvin had grown up so much. She wasn't a gangly sixteen year old anymore, she was a lithe woman with graceful curves. And Esther...

"Hey, Ben."

He turned, seeing Esther looking at him intently. Ben flushed a little bit under the attention. He still saw the ten year old girl from the holo, not this mature fourteen year old who didn't even need him to watch over her that much. He needed her more, he felt, and he hated feeling like he couldn't run. He'd missed so much of her life.

"Esther," he answered, his voice still raspy from disuse. She smiled, and he felt a little bit better. He could see a lot of Ren in her.

"There it is," she said, and Ben looked up. He could see what looked like a nice sized compound sitting off the main road, with plenty of swoops and speeders sitting around cheery cream and white colored domed roofed buildings. A large figure stood up as they approached and Ben's eyes widened.

Cirr was bigger than he remembered. Not just in height; he was also more heavyset and less intimidating out of his Alliance uniform. Ben shakily stepped out of the speeder and watched as the big Cizerack gave Shuvin a hug and asked her about her pistol. When his eyes met Cirr's he could see them widen slightly and travel up and down his frame. He was suddenly very aware of how skinny he'd become, almost skin and bone; his clothing hung off his body tellingly. His beard and face weren't anything to really smile about either. But Cirr smiled and then some. There were even tears in his eyes as he slowly rested his hands on Ben's shoulders and drew him in for a hug. Ben winced and started, but wrapped his arms around the bigger man too.

"jI'm sorrjy, Ben," Cirr murmured.

"It's okay, Cirr," Ben said, patting Cirr's shoulder lamely.

"No, jI knew jyou betterr than that. jI should have known."

Ben shook his head.

"And all this would have been avoided if I hadn't avoided you. I still don't like the Alliance much, but I should have been an adult and talked to you."

"And jI should have used my brrajin and asked some questjions. jYou would neverr have done those thjings. jYou would have asked jyourr questjions and rran."

They parted awkwardly, and Cirr led them back to the house.

"Lyanie!" he shouted. "Lyanie! Wje got companjy!"

"You know damn well you need to warn me before having your friends..." Lyanie trailed off as she stormed up to the front and caught sight of him. He shifted from foot to foot, and then turned to Palara.

"We shouldn't have come —"

"Don't you dare say that Ben Merasska," Lyanie hissed into his ear, her arms wrapped around him tighter than anything. "Don't you dare say that."

"Hey Lyanie," he said, lamely patting her shoulder. She squeezed him, and he hissed a bit. She backed off, and looked at Cirr tellingly, tears beading in her eyes.

"Mama, mama, look!" a small voice piped up from the house and everyone turned to see a little girl toddling up the steps from the house. Ben's eyes widened and Cirr smiled.

"Ben, meet ourr daughterr. Amarra."

The girl stared at him warily, with wide eyes, her little flimsy with a picture drawn on it forgotten. Ben stared back and backed away, stumbling over to the speeder.

Ben picked up a small, badly wrapped package and shuffled over to Lyanie and Amarra.

"I heard about you," he said, ignoring the whispered conversation. "I got you something."

The little girl stared at him for a moment and then turned, wrapping her arms around Lyanie and burying her face in her mother's neck. Lyanie took the package with a smile.

"Thanks, Ben."

"Come on jinsjide and we'll get ourrselves somethjing to drrjink," Cirr said, and gently led him into the house. Ben couldn't deny the relief he'd felt from sitting down, but he remembered he'd only been standing for a few moments. His hands shook as he took hold of the plastoid tumbler Cirr poured alcohol into and they looked at each other without saying much.

"Cirr," he rasped, coughing a bit as the whiskey burned down into his stomach. "Stop looking at me like I'll disappear. I'm not going anywhere."

"Damn rrjight," Cirr murmured, causing Ben to laugh.

"Pour me another," the pilot said. "We got some catching up to do, don't we?"

The Quez homestead was just as she remembered it, if a bit dirtier.

Cirr looked older, and his prosthetic still caused him some discomfort if the way he liked to complain about it said anything. Lyanie was still as pretty as ever, if a bit curvier due to having a couple children. Little Sanis was crawling around with a verve, trying to get into any and everything. Amarra was turning into a little beauty, if a bit of a father's girl. It was clear that Lyanie did the discipline in the household, and Cirr was as doting a father as could be asked for.

"So you're still working on that hunk of junk?" she asked teasingly when Cirr showed her the still he'd made in the large garage. Cirr smiled and ruffled her hair.

"Don't see jyou complajinjing," was his response, and the teen couldn't say anything to that. On Dantooine at least she was still too young to drink legally. "jI'm gojing to starrt brrewjing some ales and beerrs. Maybe even sell them. Then Lyanie wouldn't have mjy leg to stand on when she complajins about how much tjime jI spend out herre."

She smiled as Cirr visibly enjoyed his joke. Planetary life was suiting him well.

"How about jyou? No plans to settle down jyet?" he asked as he closed the garage doors. Esther grimaced.

"Not yet. Still got a bit of wanderlust I suppose."

"Therre's tjime jyet," he said with a smile. "But don't trry to ljive Ben's ljife forr him. He had a good rrun out therre. Betterr than most."

"Estherr! Estherr!" Amarra called, running up with her hair flying about messily.

"Amarra!" she said, picking the girl up and swinging her about. She was the only one who called Amarra by her full given name. "Well look at you! You'll be taller'n me in a year, and that's the truth!"

Amarra rolled her eyes. "No jI won't! jI'm only..."

She started counting on her fingers.

"Fine, I'll give it a good three years and you'll be as tall as me. You're not giving Sanis a hard time, are you?"

Amarra pouted. "He's stupjid."

"Now now," Cirr said, keeping his smile off his face somehow.

"He's just growing up, Amarra. How's he supposed to know what to do without a smart big sister like you to show him the way?"

Amarra nodded and grinned.

"jI'll make surre he's not so dumb!" she said with childish determination.

"That's the spirit!" Esther laughed. "I guess since you've been good I'll have to give you the extra nice present I brought from Dac!"

"Oooh! What is it?" she asked, clapping her hands, her tail swishing about.

"It's a secret," Esther said, dropping her voice to a whisper. Cirr could still hear every word though. "It's super mega amazing awesome though. I had to hide it so those greedy Customs officers didn't try to take it for their little girls."

Amarra's eyes glittered.

"Your mum has it," Esther said, and laughed again as the little girl shimmied out of the teen's arms and blasted into the house shouting for her mother.

"What jis jit?" Cirr asked curiously. Esther grinned.

"Toy lightsaber. little transparent tube with glowing lights inside it. Sound effects and everything."

Cirr's eyebrows rose in interest.

"It's your daughter's!" Esther scolded.

"Have to make surre jit's safe jyou know," Cirr said, letting Esther down into the house first. "Wouldn't be a good dad jif jI djidn't."

"Knight Iscandar. We have begun the jump to Jakku."

"Very well."

The door slid closed, and Palara sighed, looking down at the mix of crystal and machinery; her first holocron. Or at least it was a close approximation of one. All the information and records of the Knights had gone into it, as well as the records of her time as an Inquisitor, her training, and her missions as a Knight, and the records of the missions of hundreds' of others, also. Encoded in light, and encrypted, and guarded by an impression of herself. She stared at the small crystal held in her hands, before quickly placing it inside the apparatus. She closed her eyes and meditated, concentrating on leading the essence within the crystal into the holocron, ensconcing it within a cocoon of warmth and safety and welcome.

She opened her eyes to see a small holographic figure atop the device.

"Ben," she said. Ben's echo smiled back at her.

"Palara," it said.

"I will speak with you for a while, if you wouldn't mind," she asked. Ben's smile widened.

"Any time."

***

"Palara. What brings you around here?"

Ben was wearing a thin dark jacket over a white tunic and dark trousers and boots; all of them looked about as worn as he did, but also maintained a façade of presentation. They were far nicer than anything she'd seen him wear before, which suggested that Lyanie and Cirr were in charge of his wardrobe now. He smiled, but his face was still gaunt and his eyes still somewhat ringed with sleeplessness, and he was less sure on his feet than he had been before. He was standing on the back porch of his little addition to the Quez family compound; a small two bedroom affair that at least had a view of the open plains of Dantooine; Cirr had told her he spent most of his time not putting together models of Nubian spacecraft together just sitting on the back porch and watching the wind in the stalks of grained grass.

"You, Ben," she answered with a smile.

"I hope Cirr and Lyanie were nice to you," he asked, though it was framed more as a statement.

"Zey always are, Ben. I assume you 'ad somezing to do with zat, yes?"

Ben smiled wanly.

"Maybe a little."

"'Ow are you? You 'ave been eating well?" Palara stood next to him and felt his arms. Ben, for his part, didn't shrug her off, though she did notice the quick shuttering sense of panic that flashed through him.

"Yes, yes," he said, returning her embrace. He held her at arms' length, looked at her a moment, and gestured to a seat. "Lyanie doesn't seem to understand what 'no thank you, I'm full,' means. Sit, sit."

She sat, and adjusted the seat so it was closer to him. They sat there with moments of silence and speech as the afternoon wore into evening.

"Ben, would you mind if I asked a favour of you?"

"Of course. If I can do something for you, I will." Ben turned to her, a curious look on his face.

"I would like for you to wear zis," she said, holding out a crystal affixed to a leather strap. He took it, and looked at it for a moment. "It is a special crystal. It can, under ze right circumstances, take an impression of you in ze Force."

Ben's eyebrow rose slightly, his innate wariness of the Force rising with it. She laid a hand on his arm.

"Do you trust me?" she asked. He nodded in bemusement.

"Of course. With my life." He looked at the crystal again. "Okay. How do I... do whatever it is you said?"

She smiled, warmed by the readiness of his sentiment, and leaned towards him.

She didn’t know what she wanted, but she knew it wasn’t this.

She was fifteen, going on sixteen in two weeks, and she was a slave. She had been a slave, and it was beginning to dawn on her that she might always be a slave, to horrible thoughtless people. She could feel the horror slipping down her spine and into her gut.

And then, one day, everything changed.

The door opened, and a human man walked in, with red-blond hair, light eyes and a face that made her want to laugh. He looked at her like he wasn’t really seeing her, like he was still looking at something he’d left behind, and asked her:

“I’m looking for a ship.”

She took him out back and to the lot, and ignored the Corellian ships. He, interestingly, ignored them too.

“Ah, I was told to get anything but Corellian. I’d rather not push the issue, y’know?”

She giggled.

The Ghtroc-720 sat there near the back, solid and her baby; she’d built her up ever since she’d shown up. Looking at the man, she knew he’d love her.

“What’s her name?” he asked, his hands in his pockets.

“I never named her,” she answered, crossing her arms. “She’s not mine.”

The man smiled.

“She’s as much yours as anyone’s given the amount of love you’ve put into her.”

She blinked and the man’s smile grew even wider into a genuine expression.

“I can tell,” he said. “How much?”

“You’re not going to look inside?”

“I can tell.”

She told him.

“Good thing I don’t need to worry about the price so much.”

“Take me with you,” she said. He blinked and looked at her in confusion for a second, but then he smoothed over.

“All right.”

“I’m great with mechanics and engines and all sorts of useful stuff, right? I’ll definitely earn my keep and since you’d be buying me you won’t need to worry about paying me...”

He kept smiling.

“And I’m not big and fat so I won’t need a lot of room or anything. And well, if you wanted I know how to do other stuff too. I mean, if it’ll get me away from here, I’ll do anything, you know?”

He stopped smiling.

“Hold up, hold up,” he said. “I’m no slaveholder. If I buy you, it’ll be to set you free right after. And though a mechanic would probably work wonders for me, I won’t keep you where you won’t be, understood? Nor will I ask you... You know... for anything you aren’t willing to give.”

“Really?” she asked. Was this a dream? If so, she didn’t want to wake up. His smile returned a bit.

“Yeah. Go get your boss or whatever. No sense in waiting.”

She skipped off, lekku bouncing off her back and shoulders as if buoyed by excitement and happiness emanating from her.

She was always a pragmatic girl, despite the dreams she dreamed. She always thought of it like a staircase; the aspiration was the landing at the top, and each step was an obstacle or goal that needed to be surmounted to get to it.

She loved being free, and for better or worse, she’d come to see her freedom personified in bumbling, cowardly Ben Merasska. As long as he was around, she wasn’t so worried about things going bad. It was an emotional judgment, she knew it, but she couldn’t care. The only thing that really worried her was that one day he’d either get himself killed, or he’d fire her.

And then where would she be? She needed to hedge her bets, and rather than risk the galaxy on another kind soul, she’d rather bank on the one she’d managed to find.





When Ned left, she’d made her move, and it backfired badly.

“Shuvin,” Ben said, visibly trying to get a handle on himself. “What was that?”

“Ben,” she answered with what she felt was a cute impish grin. “That was a kiss. Pretty good, huh? There’s more where that came from.”

She waggled her brows. Ben couldn’t help himself — he laughed.

“You’re what, sixteen? Shuvin, I’m almost thirty. Did you forget? Cause I sure haven’t.”

“Aw, what? ‘Fraid you’re robbing the cradle? Abusing your position as Captain to get sexytimes from your young and beautiful and exotic mechanic? ‘Cause you totally can, you know. I’m down for it.”

“Lyanie’s gonna kill me,” Ben sighed. “I know it. I haven’t even done anything but I’m still gonna die. Shuvin, do you know the dating rule?”

Shuvin frowned.

“It’s the standard by which any healthy age gap can be measured. Cut your age in half, and add seven. You’re sixteen. Right now, by this time-honored and most equitable method, the lowest I can go is...”

His eyes unfocused.

“Sixteen,” she answered in a matter-of-fact tone, jarring him from his mental calculations.

“Really? Wait, no, no. It’s twenty-one. Two and a One. Put them together and they make twenty-one, which is the lowest I can go without calling myself a deviant.”

“So it works the other way too, right? Twice my age plus seven? I could go for guys as old as thirty-nine? Wow, you’re looking a lot less creepy when it’s put like that, huh?”

“No, Shuvin. That’s not how it works.”

“Nope!” she sang. “Can’t have it one way without having it both!”

“Shuvin!” he said, and she stopped. He let out a deep breath. “No. Even if you wanted this, which I don’t think you do,” he raised his voice to drown out her attempted ‘I do want it!’ “It would be wrong. I’d be taking advantage of you. All right? Not to mention I think you’re selling yourself short. There’s much better, younger guys out there for you.”

He’d walked off, and she’d been left feeling like she’d taken a couple steps backward on the path to security and freedom for her cute tight ass.

But looking back on it later, she realized he’d never looked at her like she was a child since that moment.

Thankfully, that little incident had blown over; but then there was Sarin, who was perhaps to the teen one of the more creepy guys she’d ever met. Still cool, but creepy. Creepy-cool. Like the main character of one of those holofilms that all the girls say, ‘he’s so intense and passionate but he keeps it inside, squee!’

Shuvin never tried to talk about holoflicks with any girls her age ever again.

But Sarin seemed to see right away the tension and never said a word about it; but he looked at her, and she knew he knew. All he did was quirk his mouth and tilt his head to the side, and Shuvin didn’t want to know what he meant by that.

After that they’d got into a rhythm of work that was both thrilling and boring at the same time. A hair-raising cargo-heist from a competitor freighter lost out in the black against another ship gunning for the same cargo, a smooth and incidentless journey from Dac to Carshoulis and back again.

And then came the Slave Necklace Incident.

Ben called it the Children Race for the Murder Marathon, but since she was one of the ones under the spell of the Necklaces (at least until the Mayor’s palace, where somehow Ben got the damn thing off), for her it was the Necklace Incident.

That was when they’d met Cerie.

A month after that, Shuvin had asked her for advice on how to properly net Ben as a nightly warm fleshy body pillow. The conversation went like this:

"Hey, Cerie. What do you think of Ben?"

"Oh, I s'pose he's nice enough."

"Mhm. So, if I wanted to... you know, use him as a warm fleshy body pillow every night, that wouldn't bother you?"

"Umm... well... no?"

"Right. Good. I'm glad. So, you can tell he's kinda skittish, right? I tried before and was shot down. Said I was too young and to stop sneaking into his cabin. So, how would you break him down?"

"If you tried before and didn't get anywhere, how do you know he's changed his mind by now?"

"Cerie, it's less about him changing his mind and more about him realizing that he's wasting time when he could be happily bedding me."

"Gods woman, don't say those things while I'm drinking, aight? To be honest, I'm just not sure. The man has a bunch of issues, I think."

"That's underselling it I think."

"I suppose you could just start by talking to him."

"...We already talk. Cerie, come on. I'm asking for advice here."

"Yeah, but about what? Have you ever asked him what he likes to do in his spare time? Find out what interests him."

"He likes to build models of Nubian ships. His favorite music is Jazz. In his spare time he fiddles with controls and readouts in the cockpit and asks me what needs fixing the most and then what's the cheapest thing to fix after I tell him that."

"Oof. That's a tough one. Maybe you should buy tickets to a jazz festival or something on the next planet we visit?"

"...That's... that's a good idea. Except for the whole buying thing. We didn't make out too well from the job we were on when you joined, and since then, Ben's been a bit leery of starports, if you haven't noticed."

"...I don't blame him."

"Parked on a carved mountain and nearly started a war. Left marks in some farmer's maize and was passed off as an unregistered UFO... Don't forget the Lambda Shuttle Incident."

"Ugh, don't remind me. You know, if money is an issue, I bet you could get by with little things. Like a Jazz datadisc, a box of Cheez-O's, and other stuff like that."

"Mmmm... Cheez-O's... But I suppose. It's not supposed to be this difficult. Do you really think I should just... wait until he's comfortable with it? What if he dies, or I die, or something happens to Alderaan?"

"My mom once asked me a question when she found out about a boy I used to have a crush on. She said, 'Now you lissen 'ere, Rie-Rie. I wan' you to pay close 'tention, ok? Do you LIKE, or LOVE dat boy?' So, I s'pose I'll ask you the same. Do you like Ben? Or do you love him?"

"I dunno. Never thought about it like that. Ben's here, I like him, let's make this a thing, you know? Is it really that important?"

"You can't love a person if you don't like them, but you can like a person and never love them. Least, that was what my mom always told me. Some sort of old lady wisdom I guess. But honestly? it might not be important to you, but it might be the most important thing to him."

"Huh. I guess. Well, I'll get going. Thanks Cerie. Oh yeah, Ben hid that last box of Cheez-O's in the cockpit under the scanner panel."

"That womprat fink!"

Love. That word rattled around her head such that she thought she could hear it bouncing against the inside of her montrals. Finally, she couldn't take it.

"Ben?"

"Hm? What?" he glanced back at her from where he leaned back in the pilot's seat, a mug of something in his hand and up to his mouth.

"Do you love me?"

He choked, and spasmed in the seat, spitting out his drink and coughing for a good thirty seconds before finally calming down. He looked at her warily.

"What?"

"Ha, Ben."

"Shuvin," the human answered, leaning back in his seat and glancing at her, a mug of caf in his hand. Outside, Jovan Station hummed with activity, ships both large and small jockeying into position around it. "What's on your mind? Bein' serious, here."

Shuvin giggled, but let the Captain off the hook.

"Could you teach me how to fly? Alderaan, I mean."

Ben blinked, but didn't seem against the idea.

"Don't see a problem in it, but I didn't think there was any interest in learnin' to fly."

"Didn't think I ever could," Shuvin answered, sitting down in the co-pilot's seat. "One of the worst things 'bout slavery: kinda kills your aspirations. I wanted to be a singer, dancer. Yeah, I know. But ain't no one teachin' a little girl how to fly, 'specially if she's a slave. I learned to wash and mend. Clothes. Fetched drinks and cleaned. After a while, I just... well, it just became a part of who I was. I was a washer, a cleaner. Plenty of good people, but there's a difference 'tween choosin' to wash and clean, and being told that's all you're worth to train."

She glanced over at Ben, feeling a little jolt in her belly at the way he looked at her. He was listening to her. He was looking at her, and wasn't saying a word, wasn't thinking of anything else. She wouldn't have been mad if he had been; stars knew he had plenty to think about, even while doing something else. A sudden sense of anxiety, boldness, and panic washed over her, but she pushed it aside and just enjoyed his full attention, looking at her hands just sitting in her lap. Ben didn't do prolonged direct communication; he'd always avert his eyes and focus on something else in a conversation.

"So I just started to believe it. Nah, not believe... more like I hoped that I could be better'n that."

Shuvin stopped, and glanced up. Ben was looking down at the floor, past the mug of caf he held close to his mouth. His eyes cleared and met hers.

"Spent years bein' someone else's thing. But now, now I'm free, and I can do anything, and it's all kinda scary. So I'm thinkin' to myself 'bout just learnin' to do somethin' new. And I think about how you just love flyin', an' how nice it'd be if I could learn that. Maybe I'd love it too."

"Suppose I do love it," Ben hummed to himself thoughtfully, looking off to the side and scratching his chin. "Flyin's pretty much all I've ever done. How old're you now?"

"Seventeen," Shuvin answered.

"When I was seventeen, I was learning how to fly too," Ben said, standing up. "Come on, then. Best to get familiar with everything."

"Kwe!" Shuvin gasped, and jumped into the pilot's seat.

Ben leaned against the seat, pointing out the controls and explaining the layout, and Shuvin once more felt free.

"Ah, done for the day?" Ben asked, seeing an exhausted looking Shuvin sitting at the galley table. She sighed and leaned back, pushing her empty plate away to the center of the table.

"Got the landing gear working again," the seventeen year old said. "Some of the hydraulics and servos were in bad need of some care. Got the cargo crane working in the bays. We should be able to load up the lift without leaving the console now. The blast doors in the port fin screech sumthen fierce. Wasn't able to get to that. Dunno whither it's a lubrication issue or if somethin's seizing. All I wanna do is sit down and watch some Black Throne."

"Dunno what that is," Ben said, sitting down some distance away.

"Holodrama," Shuvin responded, her enthusiasm making her more alert. "It's this great show about Empress Teta and the Unification Wars against the mining guilds. Lots o' tits and fighting. Not at all how it actually went down, but oh man it's good. You wanna watch with?"

Ben snorted, and was about to turn the girl down, but stopped.

"Wait, how're you getting a signal? We're in hyperspace."

Shuvin grinned, her face lighting up in glee.

"I got me a little thing," she said. "Deemo, you good?"

Ben grimaced and watched as the S19 unit trundled into the galley, wubbing and turning its domepiece to regard Shuvin and the captain.

"Every time Deemo jacks into a system with holonet access, I programmed him to sift through the traffic and download some shows. I had to rig a separate drive for it, and then connect that drive to the holoprojector and main processor with some cables and a lot of coding to make sure everything played nice together."

"Damn," Ben murmured. "That's impressive. What, you're gonna watch it in here?"

"Unless you wanna watch it with me in my bunk," Shuvin glanced over at the Captain. Ben looked at her awkwardly. "Naked."

The look on Ben's face made her laugh hard enough that her stomach hurt.

"Out here's fine," he managed.

"Fine, but sit next to me you awkward dolt," she said, pulling him over. "I need something more comfy than the bench to lay on when I pass out."

Deemo wubbed a little tune as the holoprojector flared to life, filtering from blue to green to red and back to blue. As the opening credits flickered into shape atop the galley table, Shuvin leaned against Ben and smiled.

"Last time, on Black Throne..."

"Okay, problem."

Ben put the bottle down on the galley tabletop. Cerie looked at it, and then back at him, an expression of dawning horror on her face.

"This is the last beer."

A bead of sweat formed and ran down the bottle's sleek side, tantalizing and beckoning.

"Obviously we have to figure out who gets it."

Cerie nodded seriously, proposing her terms: "A game. Winner gets it."

Ben crossed his arms, "What game though? We need something fair, whose results are indisputable."

So began the Game Hunt. A search through the drawers and cabinets in the galley turned up a sabacc set, a dejarik board, a beat looking box with the words 'Galactic Expansion' written on it in black marker, a little metallic Triga box, and finally a larger box with a Victory and a Providence Star Destroyer facing each other, with other myriad ships surrounding them.

"Didn't think we had so many," Ben sighed. "Go ahead and pick."

Cerie frowned, and then pointed at the Star Destroyer box. "Prepare to lose, Merasska."

"Not when the stakes are so high, Cerie."

Cerie handed him the Separatist board. He lifted the top, setting it as a shield against peeking, and watched as a holographic cube flickered into existence above it. Ben settled in and began placing his ships.

"Whatchall doin'? Playin' a game?" Ben jumped and glanced up. Shuvin looked at him, and then Cerie with curious eyes. "What is it?"

"Star Destroyer," Ben answered, placing his Recusant diagonally and pointing down. Hopefully the odd orientation would trip her up. "Never heard of it?"

"Nope," Shuvin answered, leaning over and looking at the box.

"Basic premise is that we each have five ships. We set them up in our field, which is ten by ten by ten. Then we call out coordinates, trying to destroy the other person's ships."

"Huh," Shuvin hummed.

"Ready to watch me enjoy this beer, Merasska?"

"No," Ben answered. "But I'm ready to have it myself."

"Fat chance. Let's play. X:4, Y:4, Z:4."

"...Miss! X:5, Y:3, Z:-2."

"Damn you! Hit. X:6, Y:4, Z:3."

"...hit. Really? Damn it."

They played for thirty minutes, but in the end, Cerie managed to eke out a victory, her little attack shuttle one hit away from being space dust. Ben leaned back and closed his eyes, unwilling to watch Cerie enjoy her victory. The bottle was opened, and sound of drinking and smacked lips echoed.

"We should have put it back in the cooler, Ben. It's warm."

Ben smirked. "We? It's your beer, Cerie."

"Sore loser." She drank some more and loudly gasped in satisfaction, followed by a slight sound of distaste.

"Sure am," Ben sighed, accepting Shuvin's consolation prize of a soft drink.

It started with a hum.

He was back in the little shuttle, kneeling next to a cizerack whose blankets were becoming darker red with blood. On the floor next to the bed was a woman with a beanie and short curls of hair reaching around its edges.

He felt cold, reaching down into his bones.

“Don’t use your energy,” he said through shivers. “You’ll die.”

“I’ll run again someday,” the cizerack hummed softly. Rafine smiled at him.

He looked at his fingers. They were blue.

“We’re gonna die.”

“...someday.”

He was strapped down onto a table, shivering, though not cold. His hands were fists, but he couldn’t feel them. A bright light was shining in his face, burning through his lids and making spots appear.

“No, not this again!” he gasped. He could hear the growls of the monsters as they settled the instrument in place and activated it. “No!”

Pain, far greater than anything he’d ever experienced, lanced through him and settled deep in his marrow, in his skull, behind his eyes, and stayed there. It was tearing into him, tearing him apart, away from himself. He glanced over, turning his face away from the light, and saw the bodies of those before him tossed carelessly onto the floor.

Shuvin is in a chair nearby, her features waxen and still, blood oozing out into the cushion.

He could feel himself being ripped into pieces.

He screams.

He wakes, feeling cold and pain, and sees a familiar ceiling. It takes a minute for him to register that he’s not freezing to death or watching someone die. He’s in Alderaan.

He’s alive.

It started with a mumble.

She was sitting at the galley table with a couple of datapads, looking at readouts with a hologram of Alderaan’s deckplan casting a glow over the area.

“Ben, whaddaya think e’ —” She turned and stopped mid sentence. Ben was asleep, his head awkwardly lolling to the side. For a moment, she just looked at him, fascinated by the peaceful air around her normally nervous captain.

She went back to work soon enough, this time with a small smile on her face.

She didn’t know how much time had passed since then, but she was in the middle of a flimsi long equation describing heat diffusion in the cradles when Ben gasped.

She looked over again.

Ben was shivering, curling up into himself and sliding to lay down on the bench, murmuring indistinctly to himself. She felt shy and hesitant now. This was definitely something Ben wouldn’t want her to see. She pressed a hand to his cheek.

“You’re freezing,” she said to the sleeping man, her hand drifting back to scratch in his hair.

Ben shivered.

Shuvin hummed to herself and reached under the bench seat for a woven blanket she knew Ben kept there.

“Rafine,” Ben gasped, tears trailing down his cheekbones. Shuvin draped the blanket over the man.

‘Panic, I’ve found, rarely helps the situation, which the Gamorrean learned a bit too late. A few deep breaths and a calm demeanor go a long way.’

“Thanks, Uncle Neesh,” Shuvin murmured to herself, before again addressing the sleeping man:

“Bad dreams, eh Cappie?” She hummed. “Bitcha don’t have a shortage of those, do you? I can live with it, long as you wake up.”

She went back to work, but with only half a mind and one hand. The other wiped the tears from his face. She almost cried herself when he started screaming. She wondered how Cerie was sleeping through it, and then saw the woman standing just beyond the doorway into the ring corridor.

Neither of them said anything to each other. Cerie walked in when she realized she was seen, and grabbed herself a tin of water.

Ben stopped screaming and settled for a moment.

“Don’t stay up too late, Shuvin,” Cerie whispered, giving Ben a quick look over before going back to her bunk.

She only moved her hand when he began spasming, sometimes violently enough to fall off the bench only to stop just before slipping.

Ben woke a couple hours later, jerking awake with a gasp, panting as if he’d been sprinting. Shuvin blinked at him and gave him a sleepy grin.

“Will, looks like sleepyhead woke up. Glad to have you back, Cappie.”

She kept her tone light, but the tear tracks on her own face and her own relief must have given her away. She avoided his eyes by getting up and pouring two tins of caf.

“What’d I say?” Ben asked, wrapping his hands around the tin.

“Can’t quite recall,” Shuvin responded, sitting back down next to him. He looked down at the steaming caf, and laughed shortly to himself. “Just bad dreams, y’know? Ain’t none of my business ‘liss your tillin’ me all wakeful-like.”

He smiled.

“I did git a bit worried, but dreams are dreams. Long as you wake up from ‘im.”

Ben said nothing for a moment, just looking at his caf and the steam rising from it.

“Go to sleep, Shuvin,” he said finally.

“Still got work to do,” she answered, trying to force back a yawn.

“Your Syragor’s coming out. Only does when you’re too tired to not.”

She grimaced.

“Right. Sleepy-time then. Night, Cappie.”

“G’night, Shuvin.”

She leaned in and pecked him on the cheek, stumbling off to her bunk and leaving a silent man behind.

sarin — i got your message. keeping it a secret from ben. i want it to be a surprise. don’t tell him! <3 shuvin


“What’ve we got, Shuvin?”

She jumped and spun around, nearly falling over the comm seat.

“Stars, Ben!” She gasped, and fell back into the seat. “Would’ve scared the chrome off a battle droid, sneaking up like that!”

Ben smiled and looked her over. She smiled back.

“You alright? Normally you’re the one doing the frightening.”

“Just got a message from Sarin and wasn’t listening,” she said, waving his concern away with a hand. She turned and sent the message and closed the comm suite.

Ben sat down in the pilot’s chair and turned to face her.

“Everything good?”

“Oh yeah Cappie, just shiny!”

“So did Sarin send anything related to work?”

“Sure did, Cap’n!” she cheered. “Got a nice payin’ job just waiting. Something about you being first choice.”

“Really?” he asked, looking pleased if a bit disbelieving.

“No lie,” she promised. Ben leaned back in the chair and smiled wider, nodding.

“Alright. After this there’s something over by Tatooine I want to take a look at.”

Shuvin settled herself in the copilot’s chair and began a diagnostic scan.

“Sounds like a plan,” was all she said. “Something solid?”

“Hope so,” Ben said, watching her prep the ship. “That’s not too bad. Don’t try and be fast. Get it right, get a flow. You’ll get quicker as you go along.”

She nodded, stifling a grin.

“What is it?” he asked; apparently she hadn’t kept a good lid on that grin.

He asked for it.

“Bet that’s what you say to all the girls,” she snickered. “’Get a good flow going. You’ll get quicker as you go on.’”

Ben grimaced. “That’s not what I said.”

“Close enough,” she laughed.

“Yeah, yeah.”

She leaned back and watched Ben take over, inputting coordinates and calculations for the trip to Contruum. He glanced at her as he worked.

“Got something on me?”

“Yep. Your face.”

“Something’s got you real chipper. Suppose I’ll find out what it is soon enough.”

She smiled. “I think it’s gonna be a good day.”

“Here’s hoping you’re right,” Ben grinned back.

Contruum in its browns and greens loomed before them.


“Alderaan, you’re cleared for landing pad 7. Welcome back.”




Sarinton looked to be bustling and lively, in a frontier sort of way. Shuvin found it nicer than its Core World counterpart. Less flashy, more alive.


In a change from the norm, Sarin was waiting for them at the pad. He gave them his usual opaque smile.

“Welcome back, Captain Merasska,” he said, perhaps trying to be friendly, but it came across as more distant and aloof.

“Sarin,” Ben returned, shaking the man’s hand.

“I hope everything is well,” the oligarch asked.

“Well as can be, I suppose,” Ben answered, glancing back to his ship as Cerie, Esther, and Shuvin walked down the ramp, with Deemo close behind.

“Sarin!” Shuvin cheered. Sarin’s smile seemed to become a little more natural.

“Miss Undhi. Miss Moreau. Miss Hadrana.”

“We’re all ready, Sarin,” Shuvin said. Sarin nodded.

“Very well. I’ll leave it to you.”

Shuvin saluted the man and turned to find Ben looking at her warily, Cerie regarding her with amusement and curiosity, and Esther with plain curiosity. Not too far from the normal way of things, truth be told.

“It’s a surprise,” Shuvin explained. “I heard about it and knew it was right up our hyperlane.”

Ben nodded, mollified. “Okay.”

“And I know you’ll absolutely love it, Ben… eh? Okay?”

“Okay, Shuvin. I trust you.”

“Ah, right,” she said, shifting on her feet and giving a silly smile. “Right. Well, this way!”

“Landing pad 14, Miss Undhi,” Sarin supplied. Shuvin spun on one foot to face the opposite direction.

“Right!”

“Shuvin,” Esther trotted up to walk beside the older girl. “What’re we going to do?”

“You’ll see! It’s a surprise!” Shuvin smiled and pressed he index finger to her nose. With a glance back at Ben, she leaned closer to Esther. “A good one.”

The trek from 7 to 14 wasn’t a short one. After about ten minutes and some futile wheedling from Esther, they arrived.

“Okay,” Shuvin said, keying in a code for the enclosed and roofed landing bay. She turned to face her three most important people in the galaxy. “Get ready to feast your eyes!”

The doors opened and with a loud cry of motors and hydraulics, revealing only darkness.

“Amazing,” Ben said in wonder.

“I can’t believe it,” Cerie gasped.

“It’s just dark,” Esther said.

Shuvin turned and frowned.

“No automatic lights, come on!” She grumbled. “Wait, wait just a second. The lights have to be here somewhere.”

“Nah, I figure I’ll just walk right on in there,” Ben said. Cerie snickered, and Esther just stepped forward and peered into the darkness curiously.

Shuvin shot him a glare, and stomped into the entrance, reaching along the wall for the light controls.

“There! Now, feast your eyes!”

The Lights turned on with echoing clacks as the circuits engaged.

“Yes, come on, let’s go!” Shuvin grabbed Ben’s hand and pulled him into the bay.

“Okay, okay, what’s the hurry, the light’s aren’t warmed up… yet…”

Ben stopped and squeezed Shuvin’s hand. She squeezed back, a smile threatening to split her face completely as she watched him.

“Shuvin. That’s a…”

“Yep.”

“I’m not dreaming?”

“Nope.”

“Well, would you look at that,” Cerie breathed, an impressed smile on her lips.

“...It’s a ship,” Esther said, underwhelmed. “It’s a really broken ship.”

“I’ll forgive you this once for lack of knowledge,” Ben said to his niece. “This is a Nubian Type T-23. A transport or yacht that could operate and travel in more dangerous space.”

“It’s called the T-23 because twenty-three mid-rim worlds went in together on the order for a personal transport for high profile people, you know, politicians and what not. They ordered two hundred of these beauties and split the order based on the percentage they paid,” Shuvin explained. “A couple worlds couldn’t make their payments though and ten went to the open market.”

“How did Sarin get his hands on one of these?” Ben asked, walking forward and resting his hands on the hull.

“I don’t know how Sarin found one, but I convinced him to get her. He wasn’t sure about the price on top of the repairs needed. I promised him I’d fix her up and get her to fly again. I knew you’d jump at the chance to test fly her.”

Ben tore his eyes from the ship and turned back to Shuvin, sweeping her into a tight hug.

“You are my favorite person in the whole galaxy, Shuvin Undhi,” he breathed, his face in the crook of her neck. Shuvin felt it on her skin and she tingled, kicking her feet a bit where they dangled over the floor.

“Enough to kiss?” Shuvin asked.

“Don’t push your luck,” Ben answered, but didn’t release her.

“So, what’s wrong with her?” Cerie asked.

“Well, I know she can’t fly, which could be any number of things honestly,” Shuvin said, keeping a lid on her disappointment when Ben set her back to the ground.

“We’ll have to do a diagnostic then,” Ben said. “Figure out what’s wrong before we start peerin’ in her innards.”

He rubbed his hands together.


15 minutes

“Let’s get this started,” Ben smiled, and started up the ship.

Nothing happened.

Ben didn’t stop smiling.

“Ben, are you gonna start her up?”

“Nuts.”



2 hours

“Try it now,” Shuvin called, running up to the cockpit and sliding to a stop next to Esther. Ben and Cerie were in the pilot’s and copilot’s chairs, with panels and accesses opened and spilling wires in front of them.

“Here it goes,” Ben said, and pushed the button.

The ship’s core warmed up, slowly, and with audible grinding.

“Shutting her down,” Ben called. The core’s whine petered to nothing, and Ben turned to regard his crew. They filed out into the ship proper, avoiding piled deck-plating and tool boxes.

“Sounds like dirty turbines,” Ben sighed, kneeling down to look at the dusty interior of the core. Shuvin nodded and wiped her hands with a rag.

“Wiring looks pretty shot in places too,” she said. Cerie pulled out a datapad and began marking on it.

“Engines and thrusters look to be in good condition though,” the blonde said. “At least the multimeter’s showing they have good connections.”

“Well, looks like we got ourselves some work to do. Shuvin, mind taking Esther to clean out the turbines? I’ll get starting on hunting down the bad connections; Cerie, help me out and keep checking currents and voltages. Once we get a full diagnostic scan done, I expect we’ll have much more to do.”

“Sarin left us some supplies out there,” Shuvin said. “Come on Esther, let’s get crackin’, ha?”

“Right,” the thirteen year old said.

“It shouldn’t take too long to finish up voltages and all that,” Cerie mused as they tromped down the entry ramp. “I’ll go along the harness to the core and check from there to the cockpit. Hopefully that’s the issue and it’s not in the crawlspaces.”


“She don’t seem that beat,” Ben noted. “I’m thinking that there was an upgrade or a replacement when she started having issues and they didn’t want to pay extra for Nubia to repair it.”

They loaded a hoversled with spools of wire gauges, cutters, insulated gloves, multimeters, and tool boxes. Shuvin and Esther loaded another with masks, buckets, rags, cleaning solutions and spray bottles, as well as spray insulation and nozzles for air and water hoses. Both sleds took copies of the deckplans and specifications.

“We’ll work a few hours, break for lunch, and see where that gets us,” Ben said, smiling at the Nubian transport.



5 hours


“Turbines are clear,” Shuvin said, crouching down with Esther by the open decking and peering in. Ben poked his head out and grinned. Shuvin thought he looked nice, even with smudges of grease and dirt on his face.

“Nice,” he said. “Go ahead and tell Cerie we’re gonna break for now. We’ll eat and get some rest before we get back to it.”

“I’ll tell her,” Esther volunteered, standing up and running off to the cockpit.

Shuvin sat down, letting her legs dangle down into Ben’s workspace.

“Doin’ all this makes me a bit antsy about Alderaan,” Ben grunted, returning to his work stripping a wire and twisting a connector to it. He checked the voltage once more before pushing the connector into a slot in the wiring panel. “Not worried, but… when was the last time we did somethin’ like this for her?”

“Been a while,” Shuvin agreed, swinging her legs in short arcs to keep from hitting Ben. “Maybe after this then. Payout should be nice.”

Ben nodded, setting the multimeter and strippers in a toolbox by his feet and turning around, nearly getting a foot in his face in the process. Shuvin scrambled back to her feet and reached down to help Ben out.

“What’re we eating?” Cerie asked while walking back to them, Esther on her heels. She stopped and Esther barely kept from walking into the woman. Cerie raised her eyebrow at the sight of Ben and Shuvin’s joined hands. “Need some privacy?”

“Just helping Ben out of the access,” Shuvin said without a shred of shame. “So yes.”

Ben pulled his hands away.

“Wasn’t there an Atrisian place on the way here?” he asked, pulling the insulated gloves off.


“Yeah, I remember that,” Cerie said, still amused but letting him change the subject.

“Ooh, that sounds good!” Shuvin jumped and looked around for a flimsipad. “I want fried noodles, with meat!”

“I know what I want. Ben, Esther?”

“I’ve never had Atrisian food before,” Esther admitted.

“Go ahead, take Esther. I’m fine with whatever. Just get a lot,” Ben said. “I’ll stay here with the ship and clean up.”

Cerie shrugged and grinned at Esther, who smiled back and followed the woman out. Shuvin lagged behind them, unusually quiet.

“Hey,” she said at the bottom of the entry ramp. “I’ll, uh, I’ll stay here with Ben. Knowin’ him, he’ll probably do some more work while we’re gone instead of cleaning up.”

Cerie smirked at the Togruta knowingly.

“All right,” she said. “Good luck.”

Shuvin laughed weakly, and watched them walk off.

“Hokay,” she breathed, wiping her palms on her trousers. “Hokay. Nothin’ to be nervous about.”

True to her predicition, Ben was back in the darkened access, continuing to wire and replace connection plates. She watched him for a moment, unsure of what to say.

“Back to it, then?” Shuvin said, drawing a blank on anything else.

“Thought you’d be out there with them. I know you like to see the sights,” Ben said in a non-answer. “I don’t have that much left right here to do. Thought I could finish it up before you all came back.”

“Didn’t feel right, leaving you here by your lonesome.”

She dropped down into the access and slipping on a pair of gloves herself, started to work on another set of wires.

“Hey, Ben,” she said after a minute or two of silence.

“Hm?” he grunted, focused on his work. Shuvin turned and watched as he kept at it until the connector was tightened and secure.

“I, uh,” she paused, and he turned around.

“You all right?” he asked.

“Ben,” she tried again. “Damn it. Why’s this so difficult?”

“Shuvin, it’s okay,” Ben said with an understanding smile.

“What?” Shuvin felt curiously light and heavy at the same time.

“I get it. It’s fine.”

Now she felt like she’d run into a wall. Not pain, but simply sheer dizziness and incomprehension. He understood? He could tell? She flushed.

Of course he could tell, it wasn’t like she’d been subtle about it these past few years! But this was the first time he said he understood! Was he, were they, did she…

“I’m glad,” she breathed. He turned back to the wires, making her a little confused.

“You don’t need to worry about it, Shuvin. I understand. It’s hard to say.”

“I didn’t think it would be,” she said.

“You don’t need to be scared about it.”

“I know, but I was!” she laughed in relief. He knew! Of course he knew, but he knew!

“Do you have something lined up then?”

What?

Continued from here.

Ben sat across from her, drumming his fingers on the table. A pot of caf sat on the table between them, a stray curl of steam wafting into the air.

Her eyes focused on that curl, instead of on him. His face was almost stern, an expression that didn't fit him.

"What brought this on, again?" He asked, finally, grabbing the kettle and pouring the stimulant into his tin tumbler. The movement disrupted the steam and brought her eyes to focus on him again.

"Well, I was talking with Cerie, and…" she flushed, uncharacteristically embarrassed and not quite sure why. "Well, she said that there's a difference between like and love, and well I never really thought about it before, you know?"

"I could've guessed, yeah," Ben answered, pouring the powder creamer, sweetener, and a bit of cocoa into his tin.

"I think I'm in love with you," she said, watching him. Ben jerked, almost spilling his caf while stirring it. "I wanted to know if you love me too."

"I don't think you are," Ben said, stirring his caf some more and studiously keeping his eyes on the swirling liquid. "In love with me, I mean."

Shuvin frowned. "Well, how would you know? You ain't me."

"I think you're scared, and I ain't a scary guy, so you want to hold on to something you can, uh, take comfort in, or something like that."

There was something in that collection of words that felt like a punch to her gut.

"I think you love me, but you ain't in love with me, you know?"

"What the kriff is the difference?" She bit out, feeling defensive and off balance. Ben winced and kept stirring his caf.

"Well? Cause I think I'm crazy for you, got all sorts of things I'd like to do, and I'm not gettin' it. These feelings are love, it's said in the books and films and all over the place."

Ben stopped stirring and looked at her. She flushed and stared back. He typed in a few queries into the data pad and a few moments later a hologram flickered to life over the table.

'Life stages of a Nuna' was underneath the diagram.

"Now I'm not too good at talkin' things through, so just bear with me, all right? Just listen for a sec. So, we got a nuna here. All the stages of a nuna."

Shuvin rolled her eyes, but stayed quiet.

"Just, just bear with me. So all along, the nuna don't look the same at all, right? You got the egg, the chick, and then the younglin' stage, and then full grown nuna. But they're all the nuna, just not the nuna they're gonna be, and not the nuna they were.

"And even then, unless it's fertilized, that egg ain't never gonna become a nuna. When it is, it's a nuna in an egg, and it stays a nuna when it hatches. It might look different, but it's just as much a nuna then as when it's grown. But they ain't the same, you get me? That chick is a nuna, but it ain't a nuna in the same way as in the egg or when it's full grown."

Shuvin looked at him blankly.

Ben sighed.

"Look, love's like a nuna like that too. You likin' the way someone looks, the way their body fill their clothes and wonderin' how they look out of them, that's love like the unfertilized egg is still a nuna. It's a part of it, maybe the most undeveloped and easy to turn away from, but when you look back on it, you can say, 'yeah it was love'. But it ain't the same as when they talk and you start smilin' and laughing, even at the bits that ain't funny. Cause it's them, and they make you happy, and it just spills out. That's love too, but it's got nothing to do with you wantin' to see 'em in their glory."

She turned her eyes from the holo to look at Ben again. He looked tired, and was stirring his caf again.

"Then there's the kind of love where you just have to do something. Where you go and help 'em, or shout at 'em, or they tick you off cause you know they can be better or you've just been around 'em too much, but there's something there that keeps you from just turning away completely.

"Some people just won't get along with you, but you share something, got something, that complicates it. You might not like 'em, you might even hate 'em sometimes, but even then, you still love them. You won't talk to them for years and years, but you miss them all the same, you want the best for 'em, and when you get back together you remember why you stopped talking to 'em in the first place."

Shuvin didn't say anything. Ben looked misty-eyed, and his voice was thick, but he stopped stirring the caf and took a long drink. He breathed deep after swallowing, and set the tin down.

"All of those're love, even if they're all different, it's all the same animal. Like a nuna."

"That's the weirdest thing I have ever heard, Ben."

"Shuvin, I ain't dumb."

She frowned.

"I don't know why you think you can do all this, or if you're even thinking it through at all and just doing what come natural to you. While it's troubling, you don't mean to be cruel; at least I don't think so."

"What?" She asked, but any other words were lost and swallowed when Ben bulled on through.

"It looks like you're trying to game me, Shuvin. Like you think I'm going to toss you the first chance I have, so you're trying to hook me and game it so that don't happen. You're scared, and you're trying to gain control in some way so you don't have to be scared anymore.

"I'm not blind either, Shuvin. We joke, but I know you go out, get your comfort where you can, with who you like. And I'm not going to lecture you on that. You've earned the right to be with who you want. But I see those trinkets, the prizes, the things you bring back…"

"I ain't no whore, Ben," she hissed, hands clenched into white knuckled fists.

"No, but you know how to warm a guy up to get what you want. And I know that you don't care for them at all. You use them and walk off with a smile and a thanks. They know you aren't making any promises, you know it too; there's nothing more to it, and that's between you and them."

Shuvin felt tears welling up in her eyes, a sudden and overwhelming need to shout and defend herself, to drown out the feeling of judgement coming from Ben. But then he looked at her, and she knew there wasn't any judgement. He looked tired, and also clear.

"You're acting the same way, doing the same things, with me. You're all smiles and cheer, whispering sweet words and promises, but there ain't no feeling in it. Ain't no tomorrow in it, if you get my meaning. You're saying what you need to say to get what you want. And ain't a single person in the galaxy likes having their heart toyed with like that."

She was overwhelmed and shocked that such words could come from her Captain; each one a blaster bolt splashing white hot pain all over her, making her scar itch and psychosomatically burn.

"Shuvin, I'm sorry," he sighed, and through her tears she could see his hands wrapped around the caf tin, rubbing on it as if to glean heat from the drink. "But this has to stop. I ain't threatening to kick you off. This place is your home, more than it's mine, even. But this has to stop."

She hiccuped and wiped her eyes, and without another word, she fled the galley and locked the door to her cabin behind her.

SCENE OPEN

BEN and CERIE are laying in the bunk, obviously naked, awake and studiously not looking at each other.

BEN
(drumming on his belly)
You know, I'm not too sure how I feel about this.

CERIE
(looks a bit queasy, almost constipated)
Oh?

BEN
Y'know, on one hand, I feel gross and like I just screwed my sister.

CERIE
(turns to face BEN, eyes wide)
Right?! It's like, you're not UNattractive, but…

BEN
(nodding, still refuses to look at CERIE)
Exactly. But, I still feel a little cheated that I can't remember it. You're not ugly, and really, I don't think it would have been so traumatic that I would have scrubbed it from my mind, but this sort of mistake, spell, whatever... it's the sort of thing you think 'man, I wish I never do that again!', but if you don't remember it, how can you not do it again?

CERIE
(looking thoughtful, almost begrudgingly so)
...now that you mention it, yeah. It's almost disappointing that I can't remember screwing you? Ugh. I can't believe I just said that.

BEN
(nodding wisely)
I know. I can't either.

CERIE
(looking frustrated)
Don't take it the wrong way! It's just... you're more like a brother to me than anything else.

BEN
(looking almost serene)
You'll never be able to say 'oh brother' to me again, will you?

CERIE
(covering her eyes and groaning)
Now I won't!

CERIE
(turns to look at BEN intently, says nothing)


BEN
(still won't look at CERIE, but is clearly aware that she's staring at him)


CERIE
...nope.


BEN
What?


CERIE
I was just thinking for a moment that maybe there was something there and that maybe I just wasn't seeing it, but we're here and I'm looking and... nope.


BEN
(frowning)
I feel like I should be offended, but I'm only experiencing a profound sense of relief. Maybe we didn't do anything, though. Maybe we just somehow managed to strip naked and fall asleep in the same bed and there's no chance we have any sort of subconscious carnal knowledge of each other. Maybe there's another reason I'm feeling sticky and sore right now, other than that we... we...


Both CERIE and BEN stare at the ceiling for a moment hopefully before lifting the blanket and looking down underneath it.


CERIE
Nope. We did it.


CERIE and BEN drop the blanket and go back to looking at the ceiling.


BEN
(sighs)
Shuvin can never know.


Cerie
(stone faced)
Agreed.

Contruum was almost bustling now, she noted idly. While not sprawling or dense on a galactic scale, it was a far cry from what it had been once. The Old Town, which had been the main street of a sleepy little village where she and Shuvin had played and been horribly bored in, was now a gentrified and exclusive and expensive section of town, especially due to its proximity to Sarin's mansion, which dominated the aptly named Manse Street.

Esther shuddered to think of what the place might look like in a hundred, or two hundred years, if the city lasted that long at all.

"Madame Hadrana, we've almost arrived," the driver said, glancing back at her. She nodded, and double checked all her belongings while the speeder turned down a side street. She smiled. Bay Street was another name she thought fondly of, and not only for the memories that this place brought back to her.

"We've arrived, Madame."

She stepped out of the speeder and looked over the truly immodest one story home. The front door slid open and out spilled Idra, a wide smile on her face.

"Auntie Esther! You made it!"

"Oh course I did, Idra darling," she answered, kissing Idra's dimples. "I've also brought some gifts for you and your mother. In fact, we're fairly loaded down."

Another speeder pulled up, and Idra glanced over, her smile widening more as the small family stepped out.

"Marra!" Idra cried, almost jumping into the other girl's arms. The two screeched loudly for a moment, before Idra turned to the rest. "Uncle Cirr, Auntie Lyanie. It's so good to see you!"

"Look at you!" Lyanie gushed, kissing the teen's forehead. "You're beautiful, dear."

"Come on, Sanjis, say hello to Idra now," Cirr said, hugging the girl himself. Idra smiled at the twelve year old. He flushed and shyly hugged the older girl.

"Where's your mother?" Lyanie asked, tasking her children to pick up the luggage and gifts from the back of their rental speeder.

"Inside," Idra answered. "With Shuvin and Granny Taa. Sarin begged off, the coward. Said something about business, but so many people at once like this makes him uncomfortable."

The group drifted inside messily, like a clump of meteoroids, climbing the stairs and entering the landing bay turned home. The noise and volume pulled the two women inside back out to them. Her mother, ever the stoic, remained staid and controlled in the same way Esther remembered Taa admiring about her a long time in the past. Cirr greeted his mother dutifully, and not without awkwardness while Amarra and Sanis both tugged on the old woman's elegant dress and hugged her without reserve.

The whole thing felt like family, like a memory she should have had with those she'd lost before she even could form memories.

"Sanjis has been rred ever sjince he saw jyou. jI thjink he has a crrush," Amarra giggled, whispering into Idra's ear. Esther swallowed her own laughter at Idra's response:

"Who'd crush on me when Shuvin's here?"

"Everyone, everyone!" the woman in question cried over the din, looking as fit and naturally elegant as ever. Her late adolescence had been especially kind to her, though she'd often remarked that the height was something she didn't need. "Please take your luggage to the rooms, and get settled in, we've got a party to start!"

She cheered and pumped her fist in the air; despite the willowy and elegant looks, Shuvin was still as much herself as she ever was.

Esther made her way after Shuvin and Taa into the main room and sat with them.

"It's good to see you again, Esther."

"I missed you, Ned," Esther said in response. The woman's smile was tight, but full of emotion. "Idra's getting more beautiful each passing year."

"Didn't get much of her father, that's for sure," Enedra said, her smile much more natural and less stoic. "Maybe 'round her eyes. I think even his genes were too shy to show themselves save for her mannerisms. The way she frowns when she's thinkin' about something. That tilt to her head when she's reading something that has her whole attention. And the way she jumps when you surprise her."

"Doesn't sound too shy to me," Esther responded. "Sounds like Ben, to be honest. Did you hear the news?"

Enedra nodded.

"What do you want to do? There's rumors flying everywhere, and no one's sure of what to think."

Enedra Myrrhe hummed.

"The Trianii called, offered to inter him in their war graveyard. Queen of New Alderaan called me too, you know," she said, a wry smile on her face. "Said that my man deserved to be laid with the rest of the heroes of Alderaan."

Enedra laughed.

"I said to her, 'Hero? Your Majesty, if you're calling Ben Merasska a hero, then you don't know a thing about him.' But I like the idea. Seems right, that he'd finally get buried... there."

"What about Idra?"

Enedra remained silent for a moment.

"We'll go, for sure. Can't let my daughter go without seeing her daddy in the flesh, now that we've finally found him."

The children and Cirr and Lyanie tumbled out of the living quarters in a rush of noise and voices, Shuvin standing almost inch for inch with Cirr and talking with him and Lyanie about some business with Nubia.

"Auntjie Esther!" Amarra called, rushing over to the sofa where she sat with Ned and Taa, and wiggling into a cushion next to her.

"Amarra," Taa scolded lightly. "Yourr tajil."

The sixteen year old primly wrapped her tail into a loose coil and settled it in her lap. "Yes, Grandmotherr."

The old woman smiled warmly and took her granddaughter's hands into her own.

"Now, tell me. How has mjy son been on that backwaterr planet he jinsjists jis a grreat place to ljive?"

Cirr grimaced, but underneath was a smile, and he rested his hand on Sanis's shoulder. Amarra laughed, her hair swaying lightly. She got her hair from Lyanie, Esther noted idly, before her attention was taken by Idra and Shuvin standing in front of her wearing flowing dresses, most likely Chandrilan by the styling, somehow remaining elegant and dressy without being ostentatious. Both raised their noses and sniffed in unison.

"Madame Hadrana," they said, bowing. Esther laughed.

"How long did it take you to practice that?" she asked. Idra Merasska pulled her aunt up and away from the now crowded main room.

"So we've decided," Idra said. Esther tilted her head, asking the question without words. Idra nodded. "It all works out. I'll get some hands-on experience, and since I'll be working for Sarin essentially, it'll keep me out of too much trouble."

"That's excellent. Congratulations, dear. I just have one question," Esther responded. Idra cocked her head, and at once Esther was struck with the resemblance that Enedra was talking about earlier. "Why are you telling me, and not your mother?"

Shuvin laughed and Idra looked nervous, grimacing and shifting on her feet. Esther and Shuvin shared a look, both acknowledging and yet keeping the sentiment unsaid.

"Well," Idra began, "I was hoping you could help convince Mom about the idea."

Esther shook her head and sighed. That resemblance to her father was clearer every time they met.

Set during Float On

They found Sarin’s shop near the center of the town. Sarin Von Metzger Arms and Munitions was painted over the awning which overhung a walkway that kept most free from the bright and glaring sun. A window showcased a number of blasters and slug-throwers, and small signs were interspersed along: Will Modify Your Blaster, and Try A Modular Weapons System were prominent, with a shiny blaster pistol underneath, framed by a number of different components one could ostensibly attach and reconfigure the pistol with, including a long barrel and grip to make it a rifle, and a power pack addition to charge the bolts. VM-9 Weapons Platform, be Prepared for ANYTHING was displayed in a static-filled hologram beneath it.

Sarin wasn’t there, but conducted the interview via hologram while the Alderaani shopkeeper watched with a disinterested air. Sarin himself treated the interview as a formality as well, only needing to hear that Nichavara had been a Hutt’s accountant and financial controller for a number of businesses before making his decision and telling the former slave that they would talk more later about his plans and ideas for business in the former Corporate Sector.

Ben didn’t stick around for long into the interview even despite its brevity.

“I’ll just walk around and wait for you at the ship, Shuvin,” he said. She shrugged and waved him off, somewhat interested in the shop and how it was run.

Cerie followed him out, glancing at him curiously as he stared at the town and its people. They’d come in the middle of a festival, it seemed, as there were people milling around everywhere, with streamers and banners and holographic signs filling their vision.

“I need a drink,” he said finally, his expression drawn and closed off like a shuttered viewport.

They didn’t make it far before the sounds of a holofilm drew their attention. In a small plaza a holoprojector was showing an older man in a ripped vac-suit running through a corridor holding a datadisc. Klaxons were blaring.

“Doctor Hadrana! Shields are failing!” the speakers underneath the projector echoed, despite the outdoor setting and fairly crowded area. “The station will be subsumed in less than five standard minutes!”

The man removed his helmet and glanced out of a convenient viewport, where a sun could be seen glowing ominously in the distance. He ducked into the umbilical corridor connecting his ship to the station and smashed the button to open the door leading to the umbilical itself, but the station shuddered and lights flickered. He engaged the manual control of the door and began to heave, turning it slowly.

“Two minutes, doctor!” A droid’s buzzing vocalizations echoed. “Thirty seconds!” The door slowly opened.

The station shuddered again, and the man, Doctor Hadrana, began to float. He pulled himself through the door, and to his ship.

“Doctor, you must seek medical attention immediately. The station’s shields failed, and you have been subjected to a lethal amount of solar radiation from the Proton Event.”

“That can wait,” Hadrana said firmly. “We need to get this to a safe place first.”

Ben sat down heavily, his eyes glued on the hologram.

“ALDERAAN’S GRAVEYARD, 0.011 ABY”
(to the sound of an x wing coming out of hyperspace)

BEN GASPS AND BREATHES HEAVILY.

OPEN TO X WING IN GRAVEYARD, FLOATING AMIDST THE ASTEROIDS.

CUT TO BEN INSIDE X WING.

BEN, shaking and panting, pulls off his helmet and looks around in shock at the debris. All we can hear is BEN, and his breathing deepens, but doesn’t even out. He is hyperventilating.

BEN(stuttering and gasping, turning to moans)
No. No. No.

BEN starts wheezing and looking faint. The ASTROMECH warbles, sounding worried.

BEN
This—it’s gone. Gone.

BEN starts weeping, curling into himself and shuddering. It is a visceral cry, coming from his gut and his chest; he is shattering. He opens his eyes and is unable to tear his eyes away from the sight of Alderaan’s remains around him. His weeping turns to moans and screams. He starts reaching out to the canopy, as if to touch the floating rocks through it. He is still all we hear.

BEN(whimpering through his sobs)
I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe! It’s g-gone. No. I can’t...

BEN wipes his eyes and continues whispering to himself, and looks for a button. The ASTROMECH screeches and its headpiece spins around in fright as BEN jabs the button to open the canopy, and the sounds of the canopy locking into place echo. BEN jabs the button again, and starts punching and smashing it when the canopy doesn’t open.

BEN
No! Let me out! I can’t breathe! N-no! It’s—they’re gone! Let me out! LET ME OUT! I can’t, I can’t, I can’t—

BEN cuts himself off and starts trying to pry the canopy open with his bare hands, still shouting and weeping. Unable to budge the glass, he starts punching and slapping it, his strikes getting harder and more violent with each one. The canopy starts shaking and the ASTROMECH shrieks. BEN slows and stops, gasping and gripping the console in desperation.

BEN(whispering through his sobs)
Just let me out. Let me out.

The ASTROMECH spits out a denial, and beeps some more.

BEN
I know! I know what it’ll do! JUST LET ME OUT! Damn it, let me—

BEN collapses back into his seat, looking up through the canopy. We see the stars with him as BEN’s sobs and weeping slowly quiet and soon there is silence.

CUT to view of X WING from above, BEN clearly visible through the canopy. The view slowly zooms in, showing BEN looking at us and the GRAVEYARD with dead eyes and no expression, and completely still. His eyes fill the screen until they are all we see, and then the view zooms out, this time showing BEN looking at the stars out of the viewport of JOVAN where S’ILANCY left him.

BEN’S expression is the same, and the implication is clear: He is still in that cockpit, and is staring at the galaxy and everyone in it with the same eyes.

"Shall I tell you a story, Palara?"

Her mother sat beside the bed, smoothing the rough blankets with graceful, slow motions. Palara was tired, her eyes drooping, but nodded.

"Yes mama, please," she said, feeling her sore, aching body relaxing.

"Do you have a preference?" her mother asked, smiling softly at her daughter. Her hand came up to caress the young girl's face, her fingertips tracing the cheekbone and jawline with slow, gentle touches. Palara smiled sleepily in return, nuzzling the hand.

"Tell me of the Knight, mama."

Her mother laughed softly, her smile as gentle as her touch.

---

A long time ago, there was a kingdom. It wasn't a large kingdom, nor was it small. It was ruled by a Queen, who had three beautiful daughters, and two handsome sons. She ruled well, with care to both her position as Queen, and to her subjects. But not all was well, as there were kingdoms around them, and there was constant strife for land and water, for metal and for prestige. So for her kingdom's defense, she had brave knights, trained from their youth to fight and war. They were strong men, and their code called for them to be gentle in peace, and merciful in war, to fight for glory and honour and renown.

Her knights were men, of course, so not all adhered to this code as well as others. Some were brutal in peace and war, others not so brave, and yet others were filled with greed, desiring wealth and land for themselves and their families. Not all held land, and were sustained by the Queen's own wealth. Among them was the Knight, a poor man from no great family, whose name was not descended from heroes of old. He was honourable and kind, strong and brave. Because of his origins, the other knights did not hold him in great esteem, though his conduct and rigorous training told all of his character.

He was good friends with the Princesses and Princes of the kingdom, who admired him and learned from him, hearing tales of his travels and the people he had met before becoming a knight. In no small part due to his influence, they grew to be humble and kind, and aware that the simple folk who were ruled by their mother had lives of their own, with dreams and love and sadness. He was not considerably older than they, but the gap was noticeable, and his maturity and kindness, his strength and mien endeared him to the youngest princess, no more than a child. She loved him with all the innocence of her youth, a pure and wholesome love, not less than that she held for her brothers, but of a different kind; the kind that woman holds for a man she wished to marry and bear children for, an idealistic admiration, for the young Princess knew that he would care for her and treat her well. She then put herself to her lessons in governance and maths, in mediation and speech, and most of all in caring for a household, managing the wealth and resources she would one day come into by virtue of her birth. She carried herself as a woman, hoping to gain his attention. She knew she was young, and knew that the Knight would one day marry, and her hope remained as the years passed and he remained unwed and the star of her admiration.

The Knight was aware of her regard, but did not think of her in such a way. He was flattered and touched that he was seen by her so, and so firmed himself to be what she saw him as, so that when the day would come that she would choose to wed if she desired, she would choose someone worthy. He treated her with patience and kindness, but not as a child, for he knew that when she was grown, she would need her own strength, and would remember him and use his conduct as the measure of her husband. Her taught her well, for she grew into a wise woman despite her youth. Her beauty and kindness endeared all the people to her, and her wisdom and intelligence made her the object of admiration of foreign princes and brave knights.

Peace reigned in the kingdom, and the Queen took ill, and died. Her first born son became King. But not all were happy with this, as they felt that his youth made him weak, and their greed overcame their restraint. Conflict arose as they tested the young king for weakness and vied for power and influence either over the king himself or to challenge him for the throne of the Kingdom. The princesses, his sisters, were married to suitable men for alliances and to secure the peace of the kingdom. The young king, remembering the Knight, made sure to choose kind men, strong and just, who would be chivalrous to his sisters, and also was sure to ask of them their opinions. They loved their brother, and after deliberation, assented to some of his choices for their husbands. All of them did so, save for the youngest, who still yearned for the Knight. He respected her desire, but warned her that the Knight was far too aware of his station to deem himself worthy of her favor. She was saddened, and decided that she would not turn down a suitor that was everything her kind and just Knight was. For some time, the alliances secured in this way peace and stability.

A disease swept through the kingdom, and one of the Princesses' husbands died, leaving her with children. Though her late husband was a good and kind man, his family sought more wealth and influence, and thought that they could supplant the King with his sister's son, and so rose in rebellion with their friends and allies. They locked away the princess and her children and rode to war against the King.

---

"Why did they do that? It's wrong," Palara asked, her mind conjuring images of the princess and her children locked away and sad that they were being used as reasons for war against their own family.

"Darling, greed and envy overcame their restraint. Everyone has these desires for more within them. Everyone wants to be safe, or happy. When they are afraid that what they have is not enough to give them happiness, they try for more, and some do not have the strength to restrain themselves from taking from others for this security."

"Is that why we're here? Why we can't leave?"

Her mother smiled sadly and nodded.

"Yes, darling. People allow their fear and desire for more to blind themselves to others, or to not care for others beyond those they already care for. The people who own us do not see us as people, but as things to be used, like the tools farmers use to grow food, or the wrenches and spanners mechanics use to repair starships. They have grown up this way, and so it is difficult for them to change. One day we will be free, my dear little one. But not yet. Shall I continue?"

Palara nodded.

---

The Knight stood with the young King, and fought bravely for the Kingdom. He gained renown and glory, and led soldiers and knights alike, and was given accolades and the trust of his young King, but his lack of wealth and influence meant that he did not lead large armies and was always commanded. In the meantime, the youngest Princess worked for peace, attempting to mediate the conflict and shorten the war. She sent letters and spoke with many, her words and intelligence bringing many of the Rebels' Alliance away from them. However, the cruelty of war, and the barbarism of the soldiers fighting it, soured her, and she became cynical and weary. She still held regard for her Knight, but despaired that he was either the only one of his kind, or held a dark secret within him. The King's enemies grew to fear her, and so sent men to kidnap her, and take her away.

She was intelligent and wise, but she was not a violent woman, and did not know how to defend herself against such men, nor did she have the will to kill them if she could. She had relied on the Knight and her brothers for her safety, and they had gone off to battle. The Alliance's men stole into the castle and killed her guards and fled with her. They mistreated her badly, binding her and touching her without ruining her virginity, as they were greedy men, and thought that a despoiled princess would be worthless to her brother the King. The survivors of the Castle guard sent word to her brother the King, and the Knight was with him. Upon hearing of her capture, the Knight swore to find her and bring her to safety. The King allowed it, but could not send men with him because of the war. So the Knight left, alone, to save the Princess.

He knew of the paths and roads, and used his own money and influence to set up a search for the men and the Princess. He knew the men would want to return to their own castle and stronghold as soon as possible to secure her and use her to force the King to abdicate his throne, to step down from it, and allow them to name his infant nephew as King.

The Princess, having learned from the Knight, was intelligent and smart. He had taught her to remain calm in dangerous times, and to think rationally and clearly in the face of panic. She left clues for anyone who would search for her, and convinced her captors that she was no threat to them and could not survive on her own, and so gained a small bit of freedom. Her clues were carvings in trees, and quick messages send to those she could recall were loyal to her brother and her family. In one village, she met a young boy, who was captivated by her beauty and strength in the face of her trials. He was not much younger than she, but he was a builder and farmer and laborer, and was strong. He promised her that he would take her message to the Knight. Despite his regard for her, and knowing he was brave and kind and true, her own despair and wariness of the darkness of men, and his status as a commoner and hers as a princess, kept her from seeing him as she saw her Knight.

The Boy found the Knight, and told him all he knew, and swore to be the Knight's companion in saving the Princess. The Knight, knowing how limited his resources were, agreed, and trained the boy in the sword as they chased after the men who had taken the Princess.

They caught up with the men in the wilderness, and seeing how many there were, came up with a plan. The Knight would challenge the men, and while they were busy with him, the Boy would steal in and carry the Princess away. The Knight made his challenge, and the men debated whether to run or fight. Seeing the Knight was alone, they all faced him, sure that their numbers would overcome him. They fought, and the Knight was wounded, but he continued on.

The Boy had come to admire the Knight during their travels, and cut the bindings of the Princess but did not flee with her. He was assured of her safety and hid her, bidding her to remain quiet and stealthy, as the men would not be able to find her if the fight went badly and the Knight and himself died. He went to aid the Knight, and the Princess watched as the Knight and the Boy fought the men, forcing them to flee. The fight was not quiet though, and they were near to their own lands and castles, and would return shortly with more men to kill them and retake the Princess.

The Princess was overcome by the sight of the blood and the fear of the battlefield, and fell to the ground as if dead. The Boy bound the Knight's injuries, and waited for him to awaken, as he had fallen asleep and would not wake. The Boy told the Princess of his love and admiration for her, and she saw how akin to the Knight he was, and was endeared to him, but did not return his feelings. The Boy, though saddened, respected her choice. So, the boy awakened the Knight with salts. The Knight and Boy stole away, with the Boy carrying the Knight's sword and shield, and the Knight carrying the Princess, who awakened in his arms. She saw the Knight, his face and eyes, and smelled his scent, and felt him carry her despite his wounds; she knew then that she would have no other for her husband. She told the Knight this, and he, though still cautious, promised her that if he survived the war, he would make her his bride. She kissed him, a sign of her regard and love, and knew the Knight was hurt grievously, and told him that she would be his bride before he died. The Knight assented finally, as the Boy promised to care for her in his stead should he die.

The Princess and the Knight wed in the dark of night, finding a magistrate in the town, and returned to the Castle. The Knight was abed for weeks, as he recovered. The Princess remained at his side, and the Boy donned the Knight's armour and sword and shield in his place.

---

Palara sighed as her eyes closed, imagining being held in her Knight's arms and cared for so fiercely.

"Perhaps one day I will find a Knight, mother," she said as she fell asleep. The woman smiled and watched her daughter succumb to her dreams.

"I am sure, one day, you will," she said. "Goodnight, Palara."

Palara never found her Knight, and though she held the memory of her mother dear, she thought nothing of the story aside of it being childish and naive.

Trian Orbit, ??.???

"I have to go," Ben said, his face red and his breathing labored. He was panting over the speakers, as he'd found a fighter to steal. "There are prisoners here. I can get them out; I know the codes and commands. I can stop the launches with them."

Palara looked at him, as Alderaan followed the fighter to the fleet ahead of them. The ship's alarms sounded, and the decking underneath them shuddered.

"Non," she answered. "Zere eez no time. We must flee."

"Palara," he said. "I can't let this happen again. Not again. I... folded last time. I have to make my family proud of me. They were disappointed, you know? I never amounted to much. But even if I'm not much, I'm here right now. I'm... I'm alive. And here. I have to do something. Maybe... maybe I can keep it from happening, you know? Keep someone from waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares and remembering there aren't any graves, because the planet's gone. I have to try, Palara. I've been almost dead for so long. I feel like... I feel like I'm actually breathing right now."

Palara could see it. In the Force, Ben felt aglow, even if he was rail thin and gaunt, his cheeks hollow and shadowed in the hologram. He felt more alive than she had ever felt. It was soothing, and painful for her.

"Zen go. I will go and cause a distraction for you. Vel Aath eez 'ere. I will keep her eyes from you."

"As will I," Loklorien s'Ilancy said beside her. "If Vel Aath is the presence I feel here, she is... powerful."

Ben's lips thinned as he looked at her intently.

"I'm sorry Palara. I knew you. It hurt too much."

Palara smiled at him.

"You silly man. You knew I understood." She said. "Atrapes is on his way. If anyone can defeat 'er, 'e can. We just need to survive."

"We've always been pretty good at that, huh?" he smiled. She nodded.

"We 'ave," she agreed. "Now go, 'urry!"

---

Ben flew like a man possessed, his voice echoing over the speakers in breathless exhilaration. Vel Aath's flagship loomed ever closer, as the clouds of fighters and warships obscured it from their own returning fire. They managed to make it. Somehow. Ben landed in a bay his fighter too damaged and broken to fly again, and Alderaan docked at a hatch nearby.

"Damn, hubby!" She heard Jesse Buchanan shout in glee as the man appeared with a pistol. "Too bad we're in rush, because I could just eat you up. I knew you could fly, but... damn."

The woman licked her lips. Ben looked at her, some of his customary skittishness on display, but largely unphased.

"I got lucky," he said. "Down girl. Save the thirst for when we get out of here, yeah?"

"You know where we're going, Ben?" Cerie asked. Ben nodded, and looked at Esther.

"I'm not going back without you, Ben," the girl said, her face resolute. Ben looked exasperated.

"Of course not. Can't let me be even a little less stressed right now, huh? Fine. Stay in the middle. I'll lead; I know the way." He turned to her. "Stay safe, Palara."

"Non. Eef I wanted to stay safe, I would 'ave never come 'ere."

"Suppose that's true. Then take care."

He, and the rest of the party save for s'Ilancy, rushed off. They proceeded to carve their way through the main corridors to the bridge turbolift, killing every soldier and guard along the way. The death and their Force presences would distract Vel Aath from Ben and the rescue party. No words were said until they reached the bridge.

"I... I am glad you are 'ere, s'Ilancy," the twi'lek said, taking a deep breath. Vel Aath's menace and will oozed around them like a cloying, oily smoke in the Force. "I am glad to 'ave met you."

s'Ilancy smiled tightly, and nodded, aware that Iscandar's growth over the course of the war was in no small part due to the time they had spent together. Both had studied and healed from time with Solomon, and had continued the process with each other.

They stepped inside.

---

Palara awoke. Pain lanced through her body, and she hissed, aware of the burning in her side and gut. She couldn't feel her legs. She opened her eyes, and saw skin. She took a breath, and immediately knew Ben was holding her. She looked up, and saw his jaw, the heavy stubble and the lack of healthy fat. She looked up further and saw his ragged, longer hair, and he looked down, and her breath caught in her throat as she looked him in the eyes.

"Maman," she breathed. "Ze Knight. My Knight."

"You'll be all right, Palara!" He gasped, shifting her in his arms and pointing his blaster behind them. "We're getting you out of here, and you'll be fine! Don't give up!"

"Ben," she breathed, and smiled. "Brilliant. I 'ave found 'im, maman. Ze Knight."

She was vaguely aware of what was going on around her, but her focus was on Ben. They'd stopped; Shuvin and Cerie were opening a door.

"Palara," Ben gasped, leaning against a wall. Palara simply smiled, a soft expression she was sure had never graced her face before. Her hand came up, and traced his jaw, and his cheekbones. Her fingertips ghosted over his face as he looked at her.

"My Knight," she breathed, feeling the pain in her side go numb. "My brave Knight. You 'ave saved me."

Ben's face warped, and she could feel the grief tearing through him. She giggled, her fingertips tracing his lips. A jolt passed through her.

"Zank you, Ben," she breathed. "Oh, I did not zink I could ever feel zis. Zis... zis is what it feels like."

He didn't seem to understand, but he did as well, as he shifted her to cradle her head against his neck. He stood.

"I've found 'im, maman," she breathed. "I did not zink I ever would."

She held him tightly, feeling ever more like she was dreaming.

"Palara!"

She reached up, tilting his face to her.

"A kiss, for my brave knight," she breathed, and she felt Ben's lips pressing to hers, soft and chaste. A true kiss from a Knight to his princess, or a prince to his beloved Knight. "Zis was a good dream, maman. Ben. I love..."

Darkness fell over her. And then there was light.

Palara arrived with a younger girl, about fifteen years old, if she had to guess. She looked like a Zeltron slightly, with pinkish skin and dark brown hair. She seemed graceful until you looked at Palara beside her; she stood stiffly, walked stiffly, and spoke stiffly as well. It was suspicious to Ben Merasska, the captain of Alderaan, Shuvin could tell. His eyes narrowed and his face took on a weird expression. It wasn't something Shuvin Undhi, mechanic and engineer for their little tramp freighter, could describe. She didn't know the words. The concepts slipped from her mind when she tried to think about them beyond the instinctual sort of knowing that came to her when she looked at a deck plan or an engine diagram.

Palara herself was gorgeous, as always. Twi'leks usually were, as far as she had seen, though she knew there had to be an objectively ugly woman twi'lek out there somewhere. It was the guys that were definitely hit and miss. It raised questions for her; why were all the girls super hot and the dudes usually pretty scary? Did Twi'lek women like ugly dudes?

"Ben," Palara said with a smile. "Zis is Onika. She is... a student, of sorts."

"Nice to meetcha, Onika. Name's Ben. This here is Shuvin. Cerie's inside."

Ben walked up to them, opening his arms slightly. Palara embraced him (hug didn't seem to be the right sort of word for her; too ordinary). Onika seemed to be super surprised or something about it too.

"'Ow are you?" Palara asked. "Any word on...?"

Ben shook his head. "No, but thank you, Palara. Just... thanks."

Shuvin and Onika both watched the interaction with quite bemused expressions.

"This ain't normal for her either, I'm guessing," She whispered to the other girl, who shook her head.

"Do... do you know what... uh, what Palara does?" Onika asked. Shuvin raised an eyebrow.

"Not really," she answered. "Don't really care either. Some sort of investigator or something? Probably super secret, I'm guessing."

Onika smiled weirdly, like a grimace, but also surprise, and a little knowingness. If that was a word. Was it?

"Well, let's get on, then," Ben said. "You've got the coordinates and travel route?"

"I do," Palara said, picking up her pack and gesturing to Onika. The girl took a deep breath and followed them onto the ship.