Rest for the Wicked

[Xanatos Etanial]

It felt like eons had past since he had first been made a guest of the Whaladon, the Jedi ship that served as brig and for the current time - his home. It had actually been some time since he'd seen anyone from the Alliance, he was left to assume that particular bit of inquiry had finished. Either that or he was lost in the wheels of bureaucracy. If it were anything like the Empire's inner workings it could be that, though he sincerely hoped it wasn't the case. Red tape was slow to clear and could see him kept in his single room home for a good long while. Where the cell had just some months prior been turned into a madman's den of notes and studies it had slowly worked its way back to a semblance of normalcy. Gone were the intricate web of notes pinned to the walls, the mountainous stacks of books and the makeshift desk he had turned his cot into.

He hadn't given up on studying, on learning. Far from it. His last significant conversation with Master Solomon had refocused his ideas however. It wasn't about forcing himself to a conclusion or finding the great secret that had eluded him up to that point. No. The point, he thought as he opened his eyes and sat up on the bed from where he had been relaxing in his own thoughts, deep in meditation.

"The point is that I have to surrender." He laughed under his breath. Almost wanted to burst a gut with laughter echoing down the hall. He'd fought so long and hard to do the right thing. He'd tried to force himself down a path and lost the way so many times, and what he'd needed all along. What he had missed in his obsession was... letting the Force guide him. He couldn't undo any of his decisions or actions. He couldn't really even make amends for them, but he could serve. The Force had brought him here. He'd taken the long way, but he was sure he was finally walking a path he had been meant to take all along. He crossed his legs and leaned his back against the cool metal wall of his cell.

Letting out a long sigh he felt tension run out of his body, content for possibly the first time he could ever recall.

[Karkoon]

Within the corridors of the Whaladon a soft thump could be heard, echoing down the halls and off the bulkheads. It grew steadily louder as the source drew closer to the brig until it finally arrived with a clamor. The door latch spun, unsealing it's edges and allowing it to be pushed open to reveal a large metallic hand against it's inside surface. From beyond the portal emerged Karkoon, who folded himself through the opening while keeping a bowl and tray balanced in his hand. Golden optic receptors looked like torches in the dimly lit prison. Those eyes searched the room from one end to the other, examining every cell in turn.

All empty. Only one occupied. Must be target.

The droid chassis moved with surprising agility for something so large. It was still clumsy and noisy by organic standards, but a marvel of engineering in itself in how it moved with a very natural grace that commonly found among the limiting chassis designs of most droids. Moving right up against the cell Karkoon pressed his head against the bars and looked down at the human in the cell.

"Greetings. Master Vymes asked me to provide a meal to the prisoner today. I apologize if it is unsatisfactory. I have not had much practice with cooking, and I cannot taste. I do not even understand what taste it. Regardless, I have given it my best attempt."

The meal hatch was daintily pulled open, as if afraid to break it, and the tray was pushed through container naught but a bowl of what was clearly an aromatic soup, spoon, and a single napkin. A glass vial with a single wildflower acted as the only garnish to the otherwise sterile presentation.

"I am Karkoon. Who are you?"

Karkoon would admit that he was surprised to learn there was a man being held captive aboard the Whaladon. It was not a place he ever ventured; preferring the green wilds to even the modest domiciles afforded to the padawans. He was ever looking out and rarely looking in. Spending time with Wei at his Forge or Kazahan at his camp. He found their company more welcoming than the much busier encampment or landing zone. The Whaladon felt important and off limits. Still, when Master Vymes asked for a volunteer to help him out with a task, Karkoon had been first to offer. He was always open to new experiences.

[Xanatos Etanial]

His meditation had been broken by the ever nearing thumping which as it finally drew to just outside his cell door seemed to shake the bulkheads themselves. When the figure finally came into view it raised more questions than answers. Even more when it spoke, offered him his meal and then asked his introduction.

He turned his head to one side absolutely enthralled by the tall droid? Was it a droid? It was tall, and had apparently made him soup. He looked down at the proffered tray with a sniff and raised an eyebrow in curious appraisal and appreciation. "I can already tell, Karkoon - was it? That this is a step up from I've been getting. Prison rations aren't great, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise." He took the tray back to the cot and sat it down more curious than hungry.

"You're a big one." He said under his breath before shaking himself free from the shock he had found himself in. "Where are my manners? Xanatos Etanial, at your service."

[Karkoon]

Tilting his head slightly, as if the motion would give him a better point of observation, the optics in his head rotated back and forth; focusing and unfocusing. The rest of his body remained very still.

"Master Vymes neglected to inform me what sort of meal to prepare. I took liberties in my choice. I have never fed prisoners before. I appreciate these opportunities to learn."

Slowly one of his hands unfolded and grab a bar of the cell, squeezing it between his fingers to try and get a feel for it's strength and composition. His sensors picked up the energy field just within. A prison of steel and light.

"I know what it is like to be in there. I was a slave once. My box was different. More simple. With no means of locomotion I could not escape. My master did not even know I was alive. I nearly starved to death. I do not like prisons. Are they taking adequate care of you, Xanatos Etanial?"

[Xanatos Etanial]

"They are, thank you for asking. I'm not particularly fond of prisons myself. As they go, this is one of the better ones I've been held in." He suddenly realized he had actually spent a significant amount of time in them before. The Inquistoriate had held him in one. There was the brief stay on Bespin some time before that for public intoxication.

The Jedi who had brought his meal was definitely not a droid, not with how he talked - maybe the droid like body was a suit of some kind? He was absolutely fascinating at any rate.

"I'm sorry to hear about your time stuck in prison yourself, though grateful to find someone who can sympathize with my situation. Hopefully I'm not stuck in here too much longer, but for that... I fear I'm at the whim of the Council. Possibly the Alliance as well, though I haven't heard from them in a while."

[Karkoon]

The bars that bound the man, they reminded Karkoon very much of the similar circumstances he had found his own brothers and sisters. Their cells were different but they were just as much trapped and incapable of escape. Illegally stripped from Orax and taken to be sold as mere gemstones. If their captors knew any better they had chosen to ignore the rights of the sentient minerals they had stolen. That made them all the more guilty, and made him all the more justified when he brought judgement upon their heads. Those who survived learned a valuable lesson; the Shard could protect themselves now and Orax was not to be trifled with.

"In time, my prison became an incredibly blessing." Pulling his hand from the bars he pressed it against his chest, rapping against the droid chassis. Deep within, he could feel the reverberations upon his crystalline form. "I hope that you can find similar enlightenment despite your situation. I would not be the same as I have become without my trials."

It was so strange to find a prisoner here. He would have thought the Jedi were above prisoners, that they had reached some higher form of enlightenment where this situation would be somehow avoided. There was more to this man than he knew. There had to be a very good reason for him to be held in a cell. Still, he hated to see any creature captive behind bars.

~I can feel your radiant heart, Xanatos Etanial. The Jedi call it the Force. What have you done to deserve such a sentence? Should you not be welcome here as others have?~

He spoke not with the audio projectors in the unmoving mouth of the droid head, but rather projected with his radiant heart, the force, to speak to Xanatos directly. Here his voice had a tinkling to it, like diamonds dancing in moonlight. It hummed and thrummed like thunder and lightning behind the clouds at dusk.

[Xanatos Etanial]

The music that entered his mind made his eyes light up. It was the only word that adequately described Karkoon's voice. Definitely not a droid, then. He smiled a bit brighter at the kind words. There was so much kindness to this one that it took him a moment not to openly weep in response to it all.

"I too am hoping that this prison will one day turn into a blessing." He said in response, aware of how much the silence was broken by his verbal response. He did not possess the training to speak directly to his new friend in the same way that he had been spoken to. He very much wished he did, and still hoped that one day he would.

"I've committed more sins than I'd like to admit, frankly." He gave a soft shrug, there was nothing he could do to change that fact. All he could do is continue to press forward. "This particular sentence is, hopefully at least, just a precaution. I served the Empire before I arrived here, so the Jedi and the Alliance are being careful to make sure that my intentions are pure before letting me walk around freely. It's a good idea, even if it means I suffer a bit of cabin fever in the meantime."

[Karkoon]

"This is a place for second chances, Xanatos Etanial. Many have I observed coming to planet Ossus with heavy hearts. They seek freedom from their past, and a brighter future. Some find it. I did. With this body I have killed many men. I did it to save my people. I do not feel guilt. Rather, I feel a need to do more. To be more. The Jedi have given me greater purpose. Now I protect the entire galaxy."

There had been a long night spent at the Forge with Master Wei about how exactly Karkoon felt about the lives he had ended. He indeed felt no guilt. Those men had deserved their end. For kidnapping, murder, and slavery they were deserving of the most harsh punishment. That was not to say that he had not given them the chance to change their ways. There had been a moment for salvation; although incredibly brief before he began tearing them limb from limb and running them through on his pike. Orax was safe now, and he felt that there was more that he could do with the gift he had been given.

"Some do not find what they were looking for. Some take their cell and carry it with them. Forever a prisoner. Never able to let go. Do not be like that, Xanatos Etanial. It will create a chasm inside. Leave you hollow. Then we lose you, just like Knight Krogan."

[Xanatos Etanial]

He had nodded along with the large Jedi's words, understanding all to well the necessities of actions like that. He had helped take the life of Baastian Cain in the service of others. He wasn't sure he regretted that himself, either. He got no joy from it, but he was certain if the situation were the same he'd still do it again in such a circumstance.

"...Then we lose you, just like Knight Krogan."

That caught him off guard, his attention snapping sharply to the droid-like force user as he leaned forward more intently. "Krogan? Kyle Krogan?"

The last word on the man he had received was that he were a member of the Jedi's order. When he had first been brought here and interviewed by the council. Had things changed? He had still hoped to one day thank him for his attempt, all those years ago on Coruscant, of pointing him in the right direction. He'd gotten here eventually, even if it had taken awhile.

[Karkoon]

Caught off guard by the man's sudden response, Karkoon took a moment before replying.

"Yes. Knight Krogan. He left unexpectedly. I could feel the fissure in his core. He did not find peace here. He is still in his cell. Knight Krogan left for Corellia. To fight the Empire."

[Xanatos Etanial]

"I... see."

That disappointed Xanatos rather deeply. He had still hoped when all of this was sorted he'd be able to find Krogan and speak to him. It had been his chance encounter with the man on Coruscant that had set him, even if in a round about way, on the path he finally found himself on. Perhaps it would still happen one day, though he found some humor in the fact that they always seemed to just miss one another.

"I met him once. Some years ago on Coruscant." He finally explained to the towering Jedi. "It would have been nice to see him again."

[Karkoon]

"You may see him someday. He may return to Ossus. We cannot know what the future holds."

Karkoon remembered spending some time with the troubled human Jedi Knight. Both of them spent time at the forge with Master Wei. Karkoon had felt the divide within the man, like a festering wound deep inside. He had watched the man recover, felt his soul heal, and then everything changed when the rebellion broke out on Corellia. Knight Krogan wished to intercede. He wanted the Jedi to reclaim their place as the vanguard of the galaxy. A noble aspiration, Karkoon had thought. He too wished he could fight to defend those who could not help themselves. The Council said no, and Knight Krogan left to fight alone.

"This is where I must leave you, Xanatos Etanial. I hope I will someday see you free of your cell. Until then, do not let your light go out. Goodbye."

With that said the droid straightened up and headed back out the door he had entered through. Leaving Xanatos alone with his soup and his thoughts.

[Xanatos Etanial]

Xanatos stared down at his soup, lost momentarily in his own mind while the large, mechanical Jedi left him to his silence. The analogy of being trapped in a prison, even if not actually behind bars was not lost on him. How long had he let his own obsession with his past keep him locked onto one, incorrect, path? He'd have to be careful to rely on the Force to guide him as it seemed even Jedi could find themselves trapped if what Karkoon had told him was the truth. He shook the thoughts from his head for now and finally took a sip of his soup, pleasantly surprised with the flavor. For someone who could not taste, Karkoon was a surprisingly qualified chef.

-- Some months later --

Xanatos continued to sit in his cell, his eyes lidded as he meditate to himself. There really wasn't much to do beyond that. He had read nearly everything that the council had felt comfortable letting him borrow from the library at least twice now. A copy of a recent fiction novel, supposedly a best seller, sit dog eared on the floor beside his cot. He had read this one twice already, but it was a decent piece of literature - it not a touch pulpy. Alex Khine and the Case of the Singing Sarlacc sounded like the Cheesy title of a young adult series, but it had a surprising amount of depth to it's main character. A hard luck detective who more stumbled into good fortune than actually solved crimes through intuition and skill. It was a unique read that bucked the trends of the genre.

One of the usual guards had passed along to him that he may want to be prepared for a visitor sometime soon. Though soon was subjective. It could be today, it could be next week. He had to hope that he was finally getting a response on his request for an audience with Jedi Master Serena Laran. Master Vymes had brought him to Ossus and been by at least once to check on him since they had settled him into his cell. He'd had a chance for an excellent walk and conversation with Knight Solomon. Other than their interaction when he had initially arrived, however, he had not spoken to Master Laran. He was hoping to change that.

[Serena Laran]

Part of the reason the Alliance still had boots on the ground on Ossus was the solitary prisoner they were holding on board the Whaladon. Solitary confinement was, of course, tantamount to torture in some civil actions, and Serena wasn’t keen on how long Xanatos Etanial had been held on in such a state.

He had had not been forbidden visitors, and Alliance Intel has certainly had as much access to him as they wished. A supervised walk around the big cruiser once a day had been implemented on Serena’s wishes, and he had had weekly health checks - though performed by another doctor.

He had not been mistreated during his stay.

Today, however, she was visiting him for the first time since Zem had brought the former Imperial Inquisitor/Knight to Ossus and brought him before the Council.

Serena waited for the guard to unlock the door, and knocked.

[Xanatos Etanial]

"And that," Alex erupted with a cracked tone to his voice, "Is why you are the killer!" His finger lowered like a drawbridge creating a connection from his deductions to the believed murderer. An audible gasp went up from the congregated group as he was left pointing at

A knock at the cell door interrupted Xanatos, who had just picked up the copy of the novel he had been reading to go over the final reveal again and brought his attention back to the real world.

"Enter."

[Serena Laran]

The door slid open and Serena stepped just inside the room. As the door closed behind her, she looked for a place to sit.

"I... have needed to speak with you for some time. If you don't mind?"

She paused. "How about a walk outside?"

[Xanatos Etanial]

He watched Master Laran enter and smiled cordially, ready to stand and offer her the sitting area, until she had suggested a walk instead.

"I could do with some air, yes. Thank you." He stood and stretched slightly a loud pop echoing in the small room as his brows knit into a wince. "Definitely could use a walk."

[Serena Laran]

"Excellent." Serena opened the door, and let Xanatos walk out in front of her. The tension was mild, but grew as they walked through the Whaladon in silence. Serena still wasn't sure what she wanted to say, and it wasn't until the sun was hitting both of them that she was able to find her voice.

"The Alliance has told us that they have all they are going to get from you."

[Xanatos Etanial]

He'd fallen into step behind the Jedi Master, uncertain if he should break the silence, awkward lack of conversation between them growing until she spoke first.

"The Alliance has told us that they have all they are going to get from you."

She'd beaten him to the question he'd intended to ask, and it felt like a stone had been pulled off his chest in that moment. Considering the slow turn of politics he had been concerned that this would drag on for a substantial length longer. Yet... she'd hesitated in telling him. He stopped walking for a moment, the air standing still between them for a moment.

"What happens to me next, then, Master Jedi?"

He'd too quickly let his elation take hold. Just because the Alliance was done asking him questions didn't mean he was free.

[Serena Laran]

"Your parole is in the hands of the Council. And as the others have all decided you should be freed, to pursue a life in the Light as you desire, this conversation is just that. A conversation."

Serena walked slowly along the length of the Action IV transport, the grasses cropped short enough that they were no bother as they continued on their way. "Perhaps that was an insensitive way to break the news. Xanatos Etanial, you are, as of this moment, free to do as you wish. Though your actions on Ossus will never be without consequences, should you stray from the Light.

"Of course, you are also free to leave." A slight emphasis on the last word seemed to indicate what Serena would still prefer. She took a deep breath, and let it out slowly.

Any one can be redeemed.

[Xanatos Etanial]

There was a lot to unpack in what had just been told to him, more yet he wanted to say or ask in response, but first he found his footing falter as she told him plainly, directly, that he was free.

"I'm sorry its just..." He took a deep breath really taking in the air, the grasses around them the sounds of the outside. There was a bird call somewhere in the distance. He simply stood for a moment and relished it. He finally let out one of the longest breaths of his life and managed to find his pace to fall in step behind her again.

"Thank you." It was all he could think to really say in the moment, even if it wasn't entirely appropriate. He'd chosen to go through this, to wait. Still the words she'd used started to roll back in his mind. He'd actually wondered, having little to do in the days and weeks initially following his meeting with the council, about his interactions with Master Laran. When the others had come to speak to him over, but not her, it had grown into a larger question.

"You don't want me here, do you?" He wasn't going to beat around the bush, not after so long. He'd been chewing on that question almost the entire length of time he'd been aboard the Whaladon. He couldn't fault her, but it was a point of contention that even if they couldn't reach an understanding, he didn't want to let sit quietly until it festered into something rotten.

[Serena Laran]

Serena didn’t reply immediately, continuing their slow walk around the Whaladon.

”Ever since you arrived, the only thing I wanted was for you to leave. I have a personal history with the Inquisitorate. As you were a member of that group, I had focused my emotions from that time upon you.

”Unfairly,” she added. “I know you were not personally responsible for any of that. I know you are trying to embrace the Light - as I am also trying. As are we all. To expect perfection from you would just set you up for failure, as no one is perfect.”

Serena stopped walking, looking toward a tree rustling in the warm breeze. “A part of me would like you to leave, but it would only be for a selfish reason. If you left, I would not have to confront the part of me that needs to practice forgiveness.”

[Xanatos Etanial]

He nodded slowly as she spoke of her interaction with the Inquisitoriate. He'd wondered. He let a sigh wander off his lips, he wanted to move past that part of what he'd been as well. He wanted to walk in the light, even if a part of him would always be convinced it wasn't where he belonged.

"It... it honestly doesn't matter if I was personally responsible or not." He said a bit sourly, his thoughts inward at the person he had been. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, not all of which happened after I joined the Empire. I won't make excuses for myself, to what I've done and what I've been guilty of. I am truly sorry for those things. I am sorry for the things that I was privy to and those that I wasn't, but still helped cause with my silent compliance. I'm sorry for what you've been through."

He found a shade tree to lean against briefly, stalling their walk. "I can't take any of that back. This is... I honestly don't know which chance I'm on. Too many, but I have to learn to let go of that. I have to trust the Force." He looked around the compound from his vantage point, the grass, the trees, the life that moved around them.

"It is really beautiful here."

[Serena Laran]

“It is,’’ she replied mildly, letting Xanatos take his time.

“There are many people I can blame for what happened to me. For what the Empire, or the Inquisitorate, has done to me, and others like me. For what they did to you.

”Holding onto my hurt has only made it worse.” Serena faced the former prisoner. “I appreciate your apology. But it would never be enough for the part of me that demanded it. That’s how insidious the Dark side is. It wiggles in as a justifiable feeling of pain, and takes root.”

She smiled sadly, one hand holding onto the long red braid that hung over her shoulder. “So I am working on forgiveness. And I forgive you​, Xanatos Etanial.”

[Xanatos Etanial]

A lump formed in his throat as a voice inside told him firmly, assuredly he hadn't earned this. The words Master Laran spoke of the insidious nature of the darkside echoed what Knight Solomon had spoken to him of on their walk some time ago. How if he thought he could find penance in walking in the light it risked destroying him further, that the old had to pass away to become the new.

"Thank you, Master Jedi. And I will do my best to find a way to forgive myself, and walk forward in the light."

He managed a slightly broken smile, a chuckle catching in his throat as the sound hitched on his lips. "It does seem though.... that I'm going to have to have been a liar, Master Laran," thinking back to the first day he had arrived here - of first learning there was a difference, a true difference, between light and dark in the Force. Of standing before the council and asking to study the materials of the Jedi, while also saying... "When I first arrived. When I was told you'd let me read and learn, I said I wouldn't ask to join this Order as I didn't feel I deserved to. I know now, that what matters is where the Force has led me. Here. To this moment, and this request."

He let a breath fill his lungs and released it slowly, clearing his mind to help and calm himself. "Master Laran, if I may be allowed, I'd like to become a Jedi Padawan."

[Jamis Kerr]

* * *
The Next Day



He sat outside the main entry hatch of the Whaladon, sitting on one of the woodcarved benches that had been set up on either side. The last three months had seen a growth spurt, and Jamis now stood more than a few inches taller than he had previous.

He'd been told that it was important for him to be here, and meet the man with the blue hair. The man that Master Vymes had brought back from a mission.

It was an hour past sunrise, and idly, he picked at the edge of his tabard.

He wondered if the blue-haired man would ever come out.

[Xanatos Etanial]

The conversation with Master Laran had gone better than he'd hoped, though it had still ended on vague terms. They would look into a Master for him, when there was time and resources available. Plenty of students, but not nearly enough teachers - though didn't that seem typical of all places of learning? Still she had treated him with more kindness than he'd expected, or really felt he deserved. Now, now - he had promised to work on forgiving himself, and it was no time to mope about.

Hopefully, if Ossus couldn't provide him with a teacher right away, he could at least find more suitable housing than the cell aboard the Whaladon, even if now he found his cell door open and no guards left to keep him under observation. Oh they were still around, he'd have been a terrible former Intelligence officer not to notice the glances and eyes that kept track of him. He was free, but trust would take time. He understood that.

At least he could walk the compound and that was just what he planned to do this morning. He raised his hand to shield his eyes from the glinting reflection of the morning sun off nearby scaffolding as they adjusted to being outside. An absolutely beautiful day.