Malleable

[Lilaena De'Ville]

The moors of Terephon were unchanged from the last time Lilaena De’Ville had visited. These were much different circumstances, however.

The large house rose out of the mists as her speeder approached. Rather than driving
to the front doors, she stopped and dismounted at the edge of the property.

He was home. That, at least, she knew.

She wore a simple black and red jumpsuit with her Mandalorian armor strapped on. Not a full Acolyte suit, and she was not wearing a helmet, but it had become so much a part of her identity that it felt strange to wear none at all.

The mist swirled around her boots, and she waited.

[Darth Callidus]

It was not long before a long figure approached from the Villa Solis. There was no cloak billowing at his feet as there had been on the black cliffs above Ta'a Chume'dan (https://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?55383-Abandonment-10-045). Instead, Callidus wore something more functional: dark blue and cut in the style of the Hapan military. His lightsaber hung at his hip and his face was concealed beneath a mask that Lilaena De'Ville knew all too well.

“Malleus. Have you come to try and finish what you started on Hapes?”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She had spent a lot of time considering what might happen if and when she met Callidus again. Would there be a battle? Would he expect her to be submissive, or beg for him to take her back? What did she expect out of any such confrontation? And so, when he asked his question, she had an answer ready.

"I was not myself on Hapes. I do remember what happened, though I was not in control, and I neither expect you to believe me, nor to offer any shades of forgiveness."

Lilaena took a few steps to the left, making sure that the speeder was not between them as they faced each other. Her lightsaber jutted out from a custom built compartment on the side of her leg, but she made no move toward it.

"I thought, at first, you might have believed I had died on Hapes, but obviously there was no body to be found," she gestured at herself. "It would not have been difficult for a man with your connections to determine where I was, where I have been for these past months."

For all his masks, posturing, and power, Salem Ave was just a man. Wasn't he? Lilaena had once thought that she could see through his layers of disguise and deceit to what he was at his core, but perhaps it had been just another smokescreen.

Maybe he did not pursue her because he'd always known that she would come to him. An irresistible impulse to stick her hand in the fire.

She asked anyway.

"Why have you not sought revenge for my actions?"

[Darth Callidus]

“Revenge? What revenge could I take that would hurt you more than the suffering you’ve brought on yourself?”

Mirroring Lilaena by making no motion to draw his lightsaber, Callidus continued to walk with slow steps towards her.

”I helped you to rid yourself of our master, of her madness, and you… you took her back into you. Allowed her to commit acts of reckless self-sabotage in your name.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Lilaena narrowed her eyes, a spark of anger glowing beside the tinderbox of hatred that she still held for their former master. He walked closer and she held her ground, her body as taut as a violin string despite her relaxed posture.

"An old narrative - that a weakness on my part might cause me to return to her, to draw her back out. The truth, on the other hand, reveals your shortcomings, Callidus. You thought you had purged her, but you failed.

"She bested us both. Yet, I was able to destroy her (https://www.sw-fans.net/forum/showthread.php?55448-In-the-Forge-10-045) after my fall from the cliff."

Lilaena hesitated. This was the difficult part. He had no reason to believe that she was telling the truth. Perhaps he thought that she was A'na, even now, and that was why he had kept his distance.

"I burned her away, her and all her lies. I will not bow to another and admit weakness where there is none."

[Darth Callidus]

“You destroyed her, but not before you tried to kill me.”

Another step forward and his mask rippled away, vanishing like smoke, to reveal the face beneath. His brows were furrowed in something almost like confusion, perhaps even disappointment.

“I've told you before: I am not your enemy (https://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?21815-The-Hammer-Falls-8-326&p=362294&viewfull=1#post362294), and yet… you continue to fight me.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Lilaena took a deep breath as he showed his true face, closing her eyes for a moment as she collected herself. When she opened them the spark of anger had subsided.

"I did not -" her voice cracked, betraying her, and she swallowed hard. "I did not come here to fight. I did not come to grovel, either. I want to know... where we stand."

They were no longer master and apprentice, but surely he could still feel the connection between them.

[Salem Ave]

When Salem stretched his awareness into the Force, what he felt confirmed his suspicions about Lilaena’s intentions: she was sincere. More than that, he could feel nothing of the maelstrom that had surrounded her during A’na’s possession of her mind.

“What do you want me to say?”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

“It has been over a year,” she replied. “Why have you not tried to have me killed, to finish what was started on Hapes?”

[Salem Ave]

“I knew (https://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?55383-Abandonment-10-045&p=1026137&viewfull=1#post1026137) you had survived the fall. I could have killed you myself, there and then, if that was what I'd wanted. I…”

His mouth pressed into a hard line. There had been moments on Hapes when he had been furious with her, so much so that his anger had become a hard, cold and unfeeling thing. How had he allowed her to become so… unhinged? So needlessly destructive. Every tentative step they had taken to repair the broken trust between them, and it had been shattered in a single, explosive encounter.

Salem’s chest rose and fell with a deep breath.

”I’ve never wanted you dead, Lilaena.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She didn’t smile, or relax, or take a deep breath. Lilaena merely nodded, slightly. Almost imperceptibly.

“I did not want to attack you that day. It was always A’na’s way to pit us against each other. And she... she blamed me for her death. She wanted to punish me by destroying ...the connections I had made. To gloat over me before taking over my body for her own.”

Lilaena shook her head as words continued to spill out of her. “When I was too injured to go on A’na tried to reach for you, but I stopped her.”

She shook out her hair, raising her chin that had fallen as she spoke. “I was weak. I am not anymore.”

[Salem Ave]

There was no denying that A’na had been a vicious woman. Deceitful, manipulative, callous. In life and in death, her methods had left an indelible mark on her former apprentices, shaping them into harsh echoes of herself. Yet, looking at Lilaena now, Salem saw something almost like pride in the lift of her chin and squaring of her shoulders. She had overcome whatever part of A’na still clung to her.

Salem held her gaze. “There’s more I could teach you. We could accomplish so much more together than we ever will apart.”

A step closer. “Come back to me.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

He was so much closer now, just out of arms reach. Part of her wanted to agree, to say yes and all that that meant...

Lilaena took a step back, a shiver of fear crawling up her spine at how much she had wanted him to ask her to return. How close she was to agreeing with him.

”We would tear the galaxy apart, if we wanted to.” Her mouth was dry.

“I cannot bow to you, Salem. That I am even considering it is a sign that I need more time alone.”

[Salem Ave]

Salem could almost feel the conflict bubbling beneath the surface of her. He didn’t blink or look away, his white eyes fixed to hers.

A faint shake of his head. “Too much time has been wasted already.”

He reached out with one hand, palm upturned, an invitation. “Search your feelings. You know this is where you belong.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

It felt true. She lifted a hand before she could stop herself, and caught sight of the Mandalorian gauntlet that enclosed her forearm.

Lilaena lowered her arm.

“I swore I would not again be put under the heel of another. I am not a stepping stone to be used to reach greater heights.”

[Salem Ave]

“You needn’t bow to me to learn from me! I’m offering you the chance to become something greater. To be uplifted, not stood upon!”

Rather than lowering his hand, Salem thrust it further forward.

“Give me your loyalty and I will give you the Galaxy."

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Even without using the Force Lilaena could read frustration on his face, and her ability confirmed it. She couldn’t remember a time when Salem had allowed his feelings to exhibit like this - certainly never in her presence.

Perhaps he did, in front of others. With her.

“Give me your loyalty,” she whispered, slowly extending her hand toward his.

[Salem Ave]

He could feel it, Lilaena’s fear and doubts warring with something almost like… hope. Though she was afraid, she wanted to trust him, to believe that he was sincere, that he would not abuse her trust and abandon her as he had done before. Salem made no move, instead waiting for her to come to him.

“You have it.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Oh how she wanted it to be true!

Lilaena could not sense any deception in him, but then he was usually difficult to read. Yet, as she took a moment to extend her senses with the Force... this was different. He was not inscrutable, but open.

She stepped toward him, green eyes locked onto white, and her hand slipped into his.

[Salem Ave]

As her fingers touched his claws, Salem squeezed Lilaena’s hand tightly and pulled her towards him. “You’ve made the right decision.”

It was possible that panic had exploded inside her at that moment, at the potential of the uncaring death's-head mask swimming back into place as Callidus stepped into her arms and buried a blade between the plates of her armor. Instead of an ambush, however, Salem threw an arm around her shoulders and drew Lilaena into an embrace.

“I’m proud of you.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Her breath caught as he pulled her close, and she reflexively stiffened as he put an arm around her.

Lilaena's mind supplied memories - of the first time she had been this close to Salem, and not in training or combat with him. The masquerade on Onderon (https://www.sw-fans.net/forum/showthread.php?14614-Masquerade-Dark-Side-Soiree&p=190147&viewfull=1#post190147), when she was new to the planet, and they shared a dance. It felt like three lifetimes ago.

As he embraced her she slowly relaxed, her face against his shoulder as her arms crept up and around him as well. Could this be what she had waited so long for? A true partnership with someone who saw her as an equal?

[Salem Ave]

Though they had slept mere feet away from one another during their time as runaways from the Empire (https://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?20967-Innocence-Betrayed), there had never been any affection between Lilaena and Salem. In different circumstances, they might have come to think of each other as friends, or siblings even, if Salem had not taken the first opportunity to escape their grief-addled master. As adults, they’d kept one another at arms length, wary and cautious, but now... Lilaena leaned into him. She had only ever seemed this open and vulnerable once (https://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?21815-The-Hammer-Falls-8-326&p=362499&viewfull=1#post362499) before.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you destroy her."

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Lilaena closed her eyes for a moment, inhaling his clean scent.

"I had to do it on my own." She tightened her arms around him, allowing herself a long moment to just be there, encircled in his embrace. "Now I know how strong I am."

She exhaled slowly, part of her aware of how badly she wanted this, and how he must also be aware. When was the last time someone had held her like this? She couldn't remember.

[Salem Ave]

For a long while, Salem said nothing and was still. He stared out at the distant moors, covered in an ever-shifting blanket of fog. Then, he lifted one hand to the back of Lilaena’s neck, claws running up through the fine hair there. Where her head lay against his shoulder, his heartbeat was a faint but reassuringly steady rhythm.

“Where have you been, since then?”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She didn't answer for a long moment, not wishing to break whatever spell it was that had been cast on them.

"Finding the lost and the broken. Giving them a place, and a voice." Lilaena hesitated, and added, "Unless you mean literally, in which case everywhere from Corellia to Dantooine."

She chuckled against his shoulder, shifting a bit in his arms. "We even went to Hoth, recently."

[Salem Ave]

“Mm,” was all the reply Salem made at first, a murmur of acknowledgement. Thinking on what she had said, he continued to stroke the back of her head. The lost and the broken. She was drawn to those who had been betrayed and abandoned, as she had. It was clear from the armor she wore, the breastplate partly pressed against his chest, that she continued to travel with the Mandalorian's of Onderon.

“Do they live on board the Hammerhead with you?”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"Some do. Others have gone their own way." His clawtips against her scalp were sending tingles down her spine. He could probably feel her heart thumping through her breastplate.

"I want those gifted with the Force to be able to choose their own paths, with their eyes wide open to the possibilities." Lilaena stared out at the shifting mists, before reluctantly pulling back from him, enough so she could look up at his face. She did not want to ask what he had been up to. She knew he had spent a lot of time here in the Hapes Cluster.

"What happens now?"

[Salem Ave]

Aware of being watched, Salem glanced down, his head tipped to the side so that his white eyes could meet the green looking up at him.

“What do you want to happen?”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Before, she would have heard A'na's teaching in the back of her mind. Remain separate. Be strong. Do not give yourself to others, they will only hurt you. Lilaena remembered those teachings, but did not place undue weight on them. Her eyes were open now, and this was her life.

She lifted her face to his and kissed him lightly on the lips, almost warily.

[Salem Ave]

Their lips touched for a moment, the taut thread of tension between them at last giving way - but Salem pulled away, without returning the kiss. He looked almost caught off guard.

“Lilaena, I -” Drawing out of the embrace, his hands settled on her upper arms. Salem shook his head.

“I'm sorry. This... isn’t going to happen between us. I want to help you, to teach you, but this is something I can’t give you.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

If she didn’t know better, she would have said he was flustered.

Lilaena bit her lip, looking down just for a moment before meeting his eyes again. One question was answered, at least.

”Of course,” she said, her hands on his forearms. “I understand.”

She was sure that she had felt affection from him, but perhaps it was not the right kind of affection. Or maybe she was only seeing what she wanted to. Lilaena willed her pulse to steady. Even if she couldn’t put it into words, surely now he knew what she felt.

[Salem Ave]

With practised ease, Salem chased away the hint of surprise from his expression.

If he felt how her heart hammered against her chest, like a bird beating its wings against a cage in vain, he did not let on. “We have a lot of.. time apart to catch up on.”

He gave Lilaena's upper arms a squeeze and then, with a brief, tight smile, let go of his hold on her. “I’m no longer bound by any duty to the Alliance. I can dedicate all of my time to training with you, and Anxia.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Anxia.

For half a moment she felt as though she might fall down a familiar path to sullen jealousy. Lilaena looked at his shoulder, where a moment before she had rested her head, his hand in her hair.

She laughed.

Not a crazed, maniacal peal, but a relaxed chuckle. His refusal had released the final hold he had held over her. She felt lighter, more in control.

”And what will you teach me?”

[Salem Ave]

The laughter earned her raised eyebrow and a smile that tugged at one corner of Salem’s mouth.

He parted both hands, palms upturned. “Whatever I can. Perhaps you could even teach me something in return.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

“There is something I would like to discuss with you.” Lilaena pressed her lips together, and then put the last five minutes behind her, to be examined later.

”This last year, since I defeated A’na, I have found that I can access new abilities that I could not before. My mental blocks are gone.”

I can do this, she whispered to his mind, watching his face for any reaction.

[Salem Ave]

The last time Lilaena had come to Terephon (https://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?21826-Out-of-the-Shadows-8-326&p=362831&viewfull=1#post362831), Salem had experienced how difficult it was for her to connect to someone else telepathically. It would be a relief for her to be free of that painful shackle on her powers, at last. To feel that she was regaining control of her mind in it's totality.

Well done, he replied, then said aloud: “Whatever hold she had on you must have been… inhibiting your power.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"I thought that as well." Lilaena paused. "Before her... first death, she often told me that she practiced Battle Meditation. I think... I think I may have this gift now, as well.

"Perhaps when she possessed me, and I destroyed her," she couldn't help a small, satisfied smile, "I absorbed some of her talents?"

Lilaena shrugged. "I have not found anything similar to my situation in any records. There might be some on Coruscant, in the old Temple, if the Empire did not burn down the library. Or Ossus? I don't think either of those places would be particularly safe for me to go researching."

[Salem Ave]

For everything A’na had done wrong, there was no denying that she had been a powerful Jedi. Salem didn’t doubt that Lilaena would discover other powers, previously unknown to her, that their former master had passed to her as a final, parting gift.

“If you’re serious about Ossus, I’m confident I could get both of us into the great library.”

He turned a fraction, the shape of Villa Solis visible in the distance behind him.

“I have a small library inside… as I’m sure you remember (https://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?21815-The-Hammer-Falls-8-326&p=362254&viewfull=1#post362254). Nothing comparable to Ossus, but there may be something relevant.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She looked past him to the house looming in the mist. Memories of the first time she’d been there flooded into her mind. After those the memory of her last visit slipped past, like something she might have watched once in a holovid.

There could be information that will help me in there, she reasoned to herself. He was inviting her in.

Lilaena took a deep breath.

”Sure, why not,” she said, a touch too lightly.

[Salem Ave]

Her hesitation and resulting deep breath made Salem smirk.

“Not everything is a trap, Lilaena,” he said, before turning and beginning to walk the short distance back towards the Villa Solis.

From the outside, little appeared to have change about the isolated house since her last visit. The windows were dark, a sign that - as before - Salem was visiting the world, remote as it was to the Hapans, alone.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She followed him to the house, no hesitation as she walked through the doors behind him. The wall A’na had defaced was in pristine condition. Lilaena could still see the jagged letters (https://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?55383-Abandonment-10-045&p=1024335&viewfull=1#post1024335) in her mind that she had carved into the wood.

This wasn’t going to be the same as before. She wasn’t going to blindly follow him, only to be disappointed by his indifference. Salem was always outwardly cool and calculating, and his almost clinical response to her kiss was completely in character, even if she had wished it could be different.

Lilaena followed him into his study, stopping just inside the doorway.

No, she had felt something from him, in that brief moment before he had regained his composure. Perhaps it was just a reflection of the bond they shared as survivors of the Purge and an insane Jedi master. Whatever it was, he had said he couldn’t give her what she wanted, not that he didn’t want to, which was a very fine distinction that she was not going to dwell on.

[Salem Ave]

The low glow of lamps illuminated the study. Salem moved through the dim light to one of the shelves and traced a claw over the spines of the volumes there, as he scanned each of their titles.

“Are you waiting for me to command you to come in?” he asked, his back to her.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She snorted quietly, and took one big step further into the room. “I didn’t think that shouldering you aside to paw at your shelves would have been a good look.”

Lilaena watched him look over his books, still hesitating to join him at the bookcases. The memory of him tossing her into them... the pair of them tearing this office asunder... Whoever had repaired the damage had done a good job.

Their relationship could not be master and apprentice any more than it could be mere childhood acquaintances.

Their bond was malleable. When tested it had not shattered, but bent. Where this new direction would take them... only the Force knew.