The Reunion

[Anauri Rabeak]

A mug of cold stimcaff sat on Chief Engineer Anauri Rabeak’s office desk, beside a half-eaten buiberry-filled donut. Flimsiplast paperwork ruffled with each slow pass of an oscillating fan, but there was no other movement to be found in the office, and Anauri was nowhere in sight.

The drinking fountain in Engineering no longer made a strange ticking sound once an hour, and the Nehantite engineer’s pipe wrench lay across the top of his toolbox, a testament to his triumph. And yet he was not there to gloat about it, or bask in the thanks of his fellow engineers who had been annoyed by the ticking for months. No, Anauri had retreated to his private quarters where he was currently digging through his closet.

Dress uniform? Too formal. Cotton check shirt? Maybe for a Sunday dinner. New work shirt? Too shiny and clean, it would show too much thought had been put into things. In the end, Anauri looked in his mirror at the work clothes he was already wearing, and Jovan Station uniform jacket, and decided it was good enough. After all, he wasn’t trying to impress a date, it was so much more important that that; he was going to meet his son for the first time in eight years. Honesty meant so much more than appearance.

Millions of questions ran through Anauri’s mind as he looked down at his wrist chrono, while his heart raced in his broad chest. A shot of whiskey would calm his nerves, he was sure, but Joey would smell it on his breath immediately, and then he’d look like the kind of father who drinks before noon during his work shift, and that just wouldn’t do at all.

Should he get Joey something? A gift? Maybe something he used to like? No, the risk of changing tastes was too high, or Joey might think Anauri still thought of him as a kid, which was even worse. Would it be polite to ask if Joey was seeing anyone?

A deathly pall came over Anauri as another thought crossed his mind, forcing the Nehantite to drop into his easy chair. What if Joey was already married? And if it was to a female, what if they had kids? Could Anauri be a grandfather and was never told.

Perhaps some whiskey would be okay after all. Just a sip.

No.

No, Anauri shook the thoughts from his head. It was too easy to let fear creep into every facet of possibility where it could linger and spread until it became overwhelming. The truth was the only remedy, and so Anauri hauled himself to his feet and straightened his jacket. Another glance at his wrist chrono and he took a deep breath. It was time to go meet his son.

[Joey Rabeak]

Joey Rabeak’s duffle bag hit the floor of his single-bed room with a solid whump, and he made a similar sound himself as he flopped onto his new bed.

Immediately he regretted the decision, as his overly-full stomach sloshed and jostled in painful reminder that it had been gravely mistreated by a liberal application of food and far too much chocolate cake. Stifling its riots with a belch, Joey rubbed his tummy before taking a deep breath and reflecting on his new life.

In a matter of hours he had arrived at Jovan Station, met the station Commander, had a tour, ate way too much meat, nearly killed himself with cake, and had been shown to his first individual quarters since he’d lived on Nehantish. At last, he didn’t have to put a sock on the door access panel, he could simply lock the door!

Not that it was much of a room to speak of. About ten feet by ten feet, it contained a bed, dresser, closet and a desk with a built-in holovision projector. Refresher stalls were down the hall, and the communal showers a bit further down from that. Hardly the lap of luxury, but it was his, all his, to do with and decorate as he pleased – within reason and Alliance cleanliness standards, of course.

The sobering thought of a room inspection pulled Joey from his mattress, and he slumped over to unzip his duffel. A majority of his clothes were already folded, so they went into drawers immediately, along with socks and underthings, while shirts and dress uniform found hangers in the closet. All told, the process took less than two minutes, and the duffel itself was rolled and placed on the floor of his closet after he’d removed his box of personal items.

Part of the box’s contents were standard grooming equipment. Combs, brushes, claw files, toothbrush, deodorant, fur oil: a typical Nehantite’s toiletries kit, and the pouch containing those was set aside so that he could withdraw something far more precious.

Leaving home and spending four years at the alliance Academy had left him little room for personal items in his pack, but he’d kept and maintained a scrapbook which reached all the way back to his childhood. Flipping through it, he smiled at the holoprint of his squad from the Academy, knowing the rest of them were now off on their own assignments. The scrapbook was his connection to those he’d had to say goodbye to, so he’d never forget them, and it was granted the coveted shelf space on top of his dresser. Next to it was placed a ring of old-fashioned keys. One was to a residence, the other two had once belonged to a classic Nehantite automobile. Joey paused to rub his finger pads over their well-worn ridges before turning his attention to the final items in his box.

With far less ceremony and reverence, a black velvet drawstring bag was stuffed into his underthings drawer, where it was carefully covered by, well, underthings. Sure, he might have his own room, but there were some things best not left out in the open.

[Anauri Rabeak]

Anauri glanced down at the piece of paper in his paw, knowing the fastest route to the location listed upon it. And yet he was not going the quickest way, instead letting his footpaws carry himself on a roundabout path toward his destination, as if afraid he might reach it at all. Around him, the sights, sounds and smells of Jovan Station were omnipresent, yet he failed to sense them in any way, blinders of worry thrown up to block them out. Worry and doubt riddled every one of his thoughts, poisoning his joy until even fond memories became difficult to bear, lest he be found out for even having them.

On Nehantite soil, Anauri could be arrested for seeing his son again, so to simply say hello meant that he could never return home, if they ever found out. Anauri hated the law, he hated what it had done to his family and his career, but there seemed to be no change in sight, and so he would have to accept the ramifications of his actions, and hide behind an Alliance lawyer should it ever become a known issue. So afraid was he that he found himself veering to the right to duck down an alcove for escape before the love buried deep in his heart broke out and set him back on course. Even if it meant prison, he would see his son again.

A glance at his watch. Twenty seven minutes had elapsed for a walk which should have taken less than ten, but he had arrived. One door looked much like the next, distinguishable only by the numbers painted on their surface - an issue which Anauri had raised in the past as a fire or acid damage would take the paint off, leaving rooms unidentified vs. using debossed lettering into the durasteel itself. Budget constraints and priorities, he had been told, denied his suggestion.

Before he could replay the entire argument of debossed vs. painted numbers, Anauri had arrived, staring at the designation "A-19" painted on the door in front of him. This was it, his last chance to back out, to run off like a coward, and he could already feel himself pulling away. It was only trough some strange magic that he felt his right paw reach out and press the door buzzer, thus committing himself to a decision which could change his life, and the life of his son. forever.

[Joey Rabeak]

No sooner had Joey tucked his bag of unmentionable items under his... unmentionables, than his door buzzer bleeped at him. The dresser drawer slammed shut and he went bolt upright, pink eyes flaring wide in panic. Was this some surprise inspection by his new squad commander? Had to be. Flinging his closet door open to access the mirror on its inside, he checked the fit of his uniform, hastily tucking his shirt in better with one paw while fixing his headfur with the other. Ideally he should have run to brush his teeth, but it was too late, he'd already expended all the time which would be reasonable to take in order to answer a door less than two steps away. Sliding to attention, Joey pressed accept on the door control just as his closet door finished swinging closed.

Nothing could have prepared him for waited for him on the other side of his doorway. Attention turned to shock as his eyes went wide once more, mouth falling open as his ears cocked in different directions. Words failed the movement of his lips at least three times before a voice emerged, broken as a teenager in puberty. "D-dad?"

[Anauri Rabeak]

A lump was stuck halfway down Anauri's throat, preventing words as his face warmed up in the proud smile of a father. Garfife, how Joey had grown! The lanky teenager had swollen into a clean-cut, proud and confident young man, trim and fit in ways Anauri hadn't been for over thirty years, but there, in that face, was the unmistakable image of his son. Forcing the lump down, Anauri let his smile grow a bit wider, and he replied, "Hi, Joey."

It seemed that was all his mouth could manage in that moment, with Joey similarly speechless as the pair simply looked at each other. Anauri desperately wished to sweep Joey up in his arms, hug him and never let go, yet first he had to get over the fact that it was real. Feeling his lower lip begin to tremble, the older Nehantite covered for it with more words. "I... I hear you've been posted to Titan Squadron. That's impressive."

They weren't the words he wanted to say, but in the catastrophe of tangled emotions tearing his heart and mind in different directions, they were the only words to come out.

[Joey Rabeak]

On the other side of the door, Joey felt similarly frozen. The shock of seeing his father - a man he never thought he'd ever see again - suddenly turned up at his door rendered him almost thoroughly speechless as his eyes scanned over the man in front of him. Anauri seemed shorter, though Joey had to remind himself that was because he had also grown in the eight years they'd been apart. Lines had formed on his father's face where they hadn't been before, brows had become bushier, and there was an unmistakable mist of grey peppered into his muzzle, but it was Dad, no doubt about it. That broad build, powerful shoulders, thick legs, the...

Dude, you seriously are not checking our our DAD are you? A little voice inside his head scoffed.

Can't help it, man, Dad's still a hunk. Replied his base natures.

His better reasoning cringed, firing back, That is gross, dude. Stop it. Just stop.

I know, I know, I wasn't actually going to do anything, it's just... I mean, we're totally going to look like that when we're older, and that is badass for us!

Forcing his internal conflict aside, Joey smiled, blushing so hard the insides of his ears flushed a brighter shade of pink. "Y-yeah," he replied. "I just arrived today." It was only then that he noticed the uniform jacket his father wore, and the words "Chief Engineer" listed over his name tag. "Holy shit, you work here?!" he blurted out.

[Anauri Rabeak]

"Language," Anauri grumped instinctively, even before he realized he said it. It was his turn to blush, and he nodded. "Yeah, been here a bit over a year. Commander came down to Engineering this morning to tell me you were posted here. I... I know I'm not supposed to, but I had to come see you, Joey, I..."

All self-control was lost as Anauri stepped in and threw his arms around his son, hugging him tight and holding him as if he'd come back from the dead. "Oh, Garfife, it's really you, Joey!" he said, emotion racking his voice as he couldn't keep himself from crying with joy. "I thought I'd lost you forever, son! I've missed you so much!"

[Joey Rabeak]

The hug squeezed Joey so hard it nearly took his breath away, and while he was supposed to show a certain level of decorum, the power of the moment was so strong that he threw protocol to the wind and hugged his father back with all his might. Sniffles turned to sobs as dearly a decade of separation and loss came to an abrupt end, and both grown men stood holding each other in the doorway, tears running down the fur of their cheeks.

"I've missed you too, Dad," Joey choked. "I can't believe you're here!"

Ten seconds passed before either male could find it in their heart to break their embrace, and Joey beckoned his father into his room so they could at least sit. Joey took the bed while Anauri spun around the desk chair, allowing them to face each other, thousands of questions and admissions waiting on the tip of their tongues.

[Anauri Rabeak]

The door closed behind them, sealing off the world beyond the 90 square feet Joey now called home and leaving both father and son to focus solely on each other. Before Anauri sat a man, but he could still see the boy within him, and for a moment it felt like no time had passed at all. Then that moment was gone, the crushing reality weighing upon his shoulders once more like bricks of iron which could not be shifted.

Welling ears blurred the outer edges of Anauri's vision, but his pink eyes stared clearly at his son, the smile on his face enough to offset the emotion he could feel wetting his eyes. "Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about you, Joey," he said. Already his throat rumbled and cracked, and he fought it back with a hard swallow. "I wanted to fight it, I tried, but there wasn't a single lawyer willing to back me. I'm so sorry, Joey. I should have been there for you, I should have fought harder, but I... I abandoned you."

At that admission, Anauri's face fell into his paw, trying to hide his shame.

[Joey Rabeak]

In a heartbeat Joey was off the bed, dropping to a knee before his father and lifting the older Nehantite's muzzle to look him in the face again. There was no anger upon Joey's visage, no resentment or bitterness, nor did any lace his voice as he replied, "Dad, you didn't abandon me, you were chased away. There's nothing you could do, you would have been arrested, I know that."

The pain and anguish of so many years of self-loathing was easy to read upon his father's face, and Joey responded with a smile and a hug before sitting back on the bed. "The law's not fair. I tried to fight it, too, but they wouldn't even hear me because I... well, you know. You were there for me, though. You always were, and you kept being there for me in my heart even when you were gone."

[Anauri Rabeak]

"I did?" Anauri blinked. His brow furrowed in confusion and curiosity, though with more wrinkles than Joey recalled it having possessed before.

[Joey Rabeak]

"Well, yeah," Joey replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You taught me how to be strong, how to think for myself and how to approach a problem with a goal in mind. Whenever I wasn't sure what to do, I'd imagine we were talking about it in the car or something, and you'd help me realize that the hard choice is often the right one. You kept me on track through my degree back home, and what I remember of your army days helped me through the Academy. I couldn't have done it without you, Dad. I love you, Dad. I've never stopped loving you."

[Anauri Rabeak]

Joey's words washed over Anauri like a soothing balm over the blistering rage of self-loathing Anauri had put himself through ever since he was separated from his son. A tear rolled down his cheek and he made no move to wipe it away as he sniffled and smiled, heart nearly bursting with pride for his boy.

"And I've never stopped loving you, Joey," he managed, barely holding himself together. "You went to college? Where'd you go? What'd you get your degree in?"

[Joey Rabeak]

"I tested high enough to go to the Royal University, but they wouldn't let me in because my... preference was known," Joey replied. "So I went to Dinesh instead. Graduated with a 3.8, degree propulsion physics. But no one would hire me, despite being near the top of my class, and after six months of being unemployed, I knew I had no future on Nehantish, so I applied for the Alliance Academy, thinking I could get involved in their tech program. I did, at first, until I got to do some flying in a real starfighter, and from then on I knew what I wanted to do, so I switched tracks and became a pilot."

He smiled broadly, trim chest bouncing a bit as he chuckled. "I guess Garfife was watching out for me, because it put me on the path to here. If I'd stayed in propulsion design, you wouldn't have shown up at my door."

[Anauri Rabeak]

"I... I almost didn't here, either," Anauri admitted.

Like the first cold chill of night, the air changed in the small room, and Anauri stared down at his tail. "The law says I can't see you, can't contact you, ever. And Alliance or not, it doesn't change that. Garfife, Joey, I'm putting your career in danger by being here with you. If our government ever finds out, they'll make sure we never see each other again because I'll go to prison. Forgive me, Joey, but I almost didn't come here to see you. I even offered to resign my post and be transferred, because it was the only way I knew to protect you."

[Joey Rabeak]

"That law is bullshit, Dad, and you know it!" Joey answered back, rising to a stand. "I hate what it's done to you, to me, to our family and families like ours throughout the kingdom! We're grown men, we should be able to make our own decisions, and-"

[Anauri Rabeak]

"But you weren't a grown man when it happened, Joey!" Anauri roared back. "You were fifteen! And he worked for me! And I let it happen! I caught the two of you in bed, and instead of stopping it I walked back out and gave you time to finish!"

Anauri shoved his chair back, attempting to pace within the tiny room, only to come face to face with Joey after a single turn. "And then, afterward, you and I talked about it, and you said you loved him, and damn it I couldn't break your heart, so I told you to be more careful about it. You were fifteen, having sex with another male, and I didn't do anything to stop it, so there's no defense in the world that could have saved us! Damn it, if you'd just been a year older when your mother caught you and him, we might have been able to work something out!"

[Joey Rabeak]

Joey flinched as if he had just been whipped in the face by briar strands, his pink eyes flecking red with anger. He did not back down, holding his ground as his own voice raised within the uncomfortably tight confines.

"We had been careful about it, Dad! Hamesh and I had been messing around since I was fourteen, but neither you or Mom ever knew!" he shot back. "And I said I loved him because I did, and he loved me, too! Do you have any idea how hard it was to go to high school and not be able to go to any of the dances with the person you love? We hid it as well as we could, Dad, but we couldn't hide forever! You kept it a secret, and I love you for that! You supported me, you made me... not feel like I was a freak. Nothing changed between us, and that was the most awesome thing. And, yeah, if Mom had walked in on Hamesh and I when I was eighteen instead of seventeen, there wouldn't have been an investigation, and you have no idea how sorry I am for getting caught! I destroyed our family, Dad! I did that! Not you! It was never you!"

[Anauri Rabeak]

The older Nehantite recoiled, struck by a side of things he hadn't fully considered. Tense breaths echoed within the chamber as both realized how much the other blamed themselves, and the floodgate of understanding began to show cracks in its structure.

"No, Joey," Anauri shook his head. "You were in love. A teenager in love," he said, voice calm once more. "How could anyone possibly blame you for that, or say it's the wrong kind of love. It may not be what I had hoped for you, but I was never ashamed of you for it, never. You're your own man, and only you know what moves your heart, and there's nothing I could ever do to change that, even if that damned law says I should have."

[Joey Rabeak]

"Mom fired Hamesh the moment she got control of your company, during the divorce," Joey sighed. "She wouldn't let him in the house anymore, and he didn't have his own place because his parents threw him out of their house when they found out. I... I tried to lend him money for an apartment, but no one would rent to him, so he wound up on the street. We... we tried to make it work, we talked about leaving Nehantish and we even made plans to escape together on a freighter, and go be techs, seeing the stars together. Having adventures like you did when you were younger."

Slumping down onto his bed once more, Joey's ears drooped and he could not make eye contact.

[Anauri Rabeak]

There was something about the sadness in Joey's words that pulled Anauri back to a seat as well, though not upon the desk chair. Instead he sat down beside his son on the bed, and for a moment it felt like they were back on the bench seat of his old work truck, talking about life as they so often had those many years ago.

Though he feared to say it, Anauri had to know the rest of the story, no matter how painful it might be. Placing a paw on Joey's knee, he rubbed it lightly, a reassuring touch to let him know that Anauri was there for him.

"Why didn't you go, then?"

[Joey Rabeak]

Silence. Joey sat still, not even his tail twitching as he stared at someplace far beyond the floor. He could still feel the pain in his heart as if it were fresh and new, jagged gashes rent by the red-hot claws of some infernal hellbeast.

"Because he killed himself," the younger male replied at last. The paw on his knee squeezed tighter, partially from shock, but also from compassion, and Joey fought through the ancient pain to elaborate. "He was living on the street or in shelters, and the only comfort he could seem to find was drugs. I didn't like him doing them, but I couldn't stop him either. I wanted him to go to rehab, but he wouldn't go, insisting he could handle it, and like a fool I believed him. About six months after mom caught us, he overdosed. His parents wouldn't accept his ashes, so I did, and I scattered them over our favorite places."

His head fell, and he cradled it between his paws. "I should have done more for him, Dad. I should have mad Mom take him in, or I should have gone to live with him wherever he was, to protect him from himself. He didn't do anything wrong. Neither of us did anything wrong!"

[Anauri Rabeak]

Anauri did not even have to think about his next action, simply acting on the instinct of a father as he moved his paw from his son's knee to wrap around his shoulders and pull him close. Joey's arms threw themselves around Anauri's middle, hugging him tightly as hot tears were shed into the chest of his father's thee shirt where Joey buried his head.

"I know you didn't, Jo-jo," Anauri reassured him. "You loved him, there's nothing wrong with that."

As Joey cried out the pain and anguish which had been so deeply buried, Anauri simply held his son, hugging him close with one arm while the other rubbed the small of his back like he used to when Joey was a young child and had suffered a nightmare.

"It's not your fault. It's that stupid law, and your stupid mother. But it's okay. You're here now, and so am I, and I need you to know that I still love you. Just cry it out; crying isn't weakness, Joey, it's natural."

[Joey Rabeak]

And so Joey did cry. He cried out the pain of loss, of his family torn apart, and opportunities denied him. He cried out the years of living without the father he admired so much, the struggle which had taken him off-world, and he cried out the anger he harbored for his mother who had ripped their family apart. It was a display of emotion he'd needed to vent for years, to someone who understood, and Anauri accepted the burden of his son's anguish while holding him up, assuring him things would be okay.

In the end, Joey disentangled himself from his father, wiping his eyes dry as he struggled to regain composure. "Thanks, Dad," he said with a sniffle. "I... hadn't told anyone else about Hamesh. I was too ashamed. He deserved better, and I still miss him."

[Anauri Rabeak]

"You always miss your first love, son," Anauri replied, rubbing Joey's back once more. "There's times I still pine for Rostelana F'sharr, but I know I had to move on. If I hadn't, I'd have never met your mother, and I wouldn't have you."

A playful hug pulled Joey into his side again, before letting him go. "But, surely you've met someone else since then. Are you seeing someone now? Is he nice? Or she, if you've become interested in females?" Anauri's bushy eyebrows went up in a bit of hopeful worry. "I'm not a grandfather yet, am I?"

[Joey Rabeak]

Joey laughed, and it was a most needed laugh at that point, as it brought a smile back to his face. Shaking his head, he looked back to his dad through tear-reddened eyes. "No, Dad, I'm still just into guys," he chuckled. "I've had a few boyfriends, and... more than a few lovers since Hamesh, but I'm single right now. It was hard to form that kind of relationship at the Academy, as you never knew where you might get sent. I've not been in an actual relationship in about two years."

It was awkward to talk about things like that with his dad, which seemed funny now that he looked back on it. Anauri had, as he said, permitted him and Hamesh time to finish after catching them in the act that first time, and had made himself scarce when he knew that Joey and Hamesh had wanted 'alone time' in the past, even permitting them their own tent on the two or three camping trips they'd taken as a trio. To most, Hamesh was simply Joey's best friend, but since that fateful day, Anauri had known better. Yet despite the awkwardness, it also felt cathartic, being able to be so open with his father now, knowing there were no prying ears which might hear, or care.

"What about you? Have you seen anyone since Mom?" Joey turned the tables on his father.

[Anauri Rabeak]

The blush on Anauri's face was impossible to hide, his inner ears burning red as he gave a sheepish smile. "Well... not a lot, really. Yeah, there were some flings, but I didn't seem to connect with anyone until, well, until recently, actually." He shifted in his seat, attempting to find the best words.

"Only thing is, I'm not sure it wasn't just a fling, itself," he attempted to explain. "A few months back I met someone, a Kroskovan gal, and, well... we kind of hit it off right away in a manner I wasn't expecting. But, she's now a long way from here, and she's also, um... about your age."

[Joey Rabeak]

Joey's ears and eyebrows both went up in surprise before he laughed and gave his father a playful punch in the arm. "You sly dog, you," he chuckled. "Does this mean I should be expecting a little brother or sister before long?"

It was difficult to think of his father as still having a sex life, but thanks to Joey's often fertile imagination, an image was quickly conjured before his better judgment blocked it out entirely.

[Anauri Rabeak]

"No," Anauri chuckled as he shook his head. "Though it wasn't for lack of trying!"

The expression on Joey's face at that was worth a good, hearty laugh, and so Anauri indulged himself completely.

"Ahhh, but seriously, no, I was smart enough to use protection. I already had one son I wasn't able to see, it'd kill me to have another," he explained. "But we haven't spoken in a little while, and she's busy, so... I'm not sure much more's going to come out of that relationship. But enough about that, I want to know about you. Tell me everything that's happened in your life since we've been apart. We've got a lot of catching up to do."