The Imperial Knights - Service Guarantees Citizenship

[Matatek Sel Vissica]

...and a motherfuckin' white lightsaber!

Hi.

I'm Matatek Sel Vissica.

Are you force sensitive?

A shade on the dark side of things?

Feeling blue because the Sith are either dead, half-dead, or all-the-way dead depending on which faction you're referring to?

Not quite NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME DAD enough for those Eluetheria pussies?

Do you want practical job experience?

Do you want competitive pay and extensive benefits?

Do you want college tuition and continued education opportunities.

"Do you wanna serve an Empreeessss?"

Then maybe the Knights of the Imperial Throne are for you. Join the Knights, the elite corps of force-sensitive agents that answer only to Empress Miranda Tarkin. Be a part of Galactic Change you can believe in.

The Imperial Knights are always looking for new recruits. Training and employment opportunities are extensive. You will learn lightsaber combat! High level strategic planning! Interrogation! Tarkin Doctrine!

So don't delay. The first step in a New Order is You!

[Halajiin Rabeak]

Hi, I'm Kyle Rayner. I used to be a nobody, a high-school dropout who got half-trained by some Jedi hippy before he died. I was going nowhere with my life, until the Imperial Knights found me.

Now I have a job, an apartment, three literally square meals a day, and I'm finally going to get my GED, and learn useful life skills! People used to say that I, Kyle Rayner, was a useless, no-talent assclown who was a stain on the great legacy he was meant to uphold, but thanks to the Imperial Knights, I'm really going places! Thanks, Imperial Knights!

[Miranda Tarkin]

My name is Miranda Tarkin and I endorse this advert.

[Halajiin Rabeak]

(Psst! This is an Imperial Knight or Cadet recruitment drive thread! If you want to join all the Imperial fun as the Imperial equivalent of a padawan, join up here!)

[Lúka Jibral]

Based on the chat I had with Vince last night, it seems like Lúka is probably gonna end up being a sort of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor type thing.

Lúka used to oversee/curate secret projects and prototypes at a facility in the Maw for the Inquisitors/ISB/Intel/etc, so he has a lot of Mad Scientist type knowledge related to Force users. He's the kind of guy who can help teach non-adepts how to neutralise/subdue Force users, who can maybe help coach adepts in using their powers in unorthodox/atypical ways, and that kind of thing. He's not so big on the spirituality side of things... he's kinda got an Arthur C Clarke attitude to Force magic stuff. He's a little bit Agent Mulder, and a little bit Walter Bishop, with some Doctor Jones tossed on the top for good measure.

I should probably work out some threads, or where to join in, or something on that front. :uhoh

[Firenne Khapst]

Also, we have the best cookies. *nod*

[Khoovi Wan]

I will make my mark upon the Galaxy! If I can do this in the Empire, you can too!

[Rigel Bismarck]

*recording begins*

Greetings, old beans and beanettes...

(what? what is this utter drivel, I would never say...

...fine)

I am Admiral Rigel Bismarck of her Majesty's Navy. I served under the late Emperor Palpatine and had direct experience with his former Majesty's Inquisitors. While occasionally effective, they were usually destructive and reckless. Anyone unlucky enough to cross an Inquisitor often found themselves at the center of an impact crater, along with any friends or bystanders who happened to be present.

By comparison, her Majesty's Imperial Knights are courageous, honorable, and efficient. The organization is a proud and meaningful component of the Empire, helping to bolster the cause of Order at levels both great and small. And, while they do not shy from combat, they also do not resort to simple-minded murder at the slightest provocation. Why, they've even been spotted befriending young Imperial citizens!

(... really? the only clip you have is one where Kyle Rayner ate the candy he was supposed to be giving to a small child and then complained directly to the camera that he hadn't eaten real food in days?

Are. You. Mad?

This is an advertisement for a cause, not an expose on hunger and homelessness on the streets of Coruscant?

... yes, DO KINDLY fix that in post. this will have my name on it and all.)

As you can see, the Imperial Knights are quickly becoming one of the pre-eminent organizations under Empress Tarkin's rule. If you've been considering the application test, now is the time! Join today and become a key part of the Empire's grand future!

(there, it's done. now will you put that ridiculous weapon away? it's so uncivilized.

... what do you mean, you've picked up my commentary on the recording and need to do it again!? you dithering twat!

no, you stand aside! I apparently need to show this ridiculous sound engineer the meaning of competency!)

*recording ends amid the sound someone being beaten with a cane*

[Miranda Tarkin]

Also to reiterate, the one who brings me my sister, the fugitive Jedi Master Navaria Tarkin, alive will be greatly rewarded.