Stealing This...Review!

[Miranda Tarkin]

So as Vince is using this for... I would like to do the same to inspire me to get back into writing here.

Miranda Tarkin
Navaria Tarkin
Nikole Nystrom
Grace Van-Derveld

If you want to comment on another character I have that you want me to bring back, that's cool too :)

[Charley]

All I can say is that I want to see more of Miranda and Navaria. It's been waaaay too long, and frankly I've been wanting to see those two and their place in the galaxy. Miranda especially, since there's no shortage of intrigues in the Empire, and she has a loyal cadre of Imperial Knights at her beck and call.

After all Miranda has to meet her number one fangirl.

[Vince]

Miranda I think has a wonderful story ahead of her, though one might think that ascending the throne of the Empire is a good way to tie a bow on a storyline, what comes after is looking to be as rich and fruitful for a good story as any. The Empire is quaking, and will the Purges make the Empire weaker, or stronger? The outcome is very much in doubt, and having Miranda helming a foundering ship with no clear sky in sight is just as delicious and amazing opportunity to write any sort of political intrigue or classic authority and might making right. She has villains and antagonists everywhere and allies in the Imperial Knights and Starfleet and among the Bureaucracy, setting the stage for an epic tale of ambition and determination to forge a society that conforms to her will, but of course people may not react favourably to that, and with the Alliance becoming more powerful and influential as time passes, will she be able to set up a lasting legacy?

[Miranda Tarkin]

Charley - Those two are my goal :) It is just getting back into things is the struggle after being gone for so long, but I do! And Miranda has a number one fan besides Sanya?

Vince - That post really was inspiring! Damn you ;)

[Dasquian Belargic]

I was gonna say, I thought *I* was your number one fan :D

[Aurelias Kazaar]

I love Grace's distain for Kazaar, and I'd love to see more of the Tarkins.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I really want to see more of Miranda and what she makes of the new cold war situation between the Empire and the Alliance. It sort of happened while you were away, so finding out her side of things would be really interesting?

Just miss your face, please write more, thanks. ;)

[Pierce Tondry]

I hate to say it, but I haven't seen Navaria/Miranda/other Dani characters post-reset. Is there anything you'd consider quintessential reading for your characters that I can look at and give you feedback on?

[Loklorien s'Ilancy]

Everything you were doing with Miranda in terms of your writing style for her was so precise and ordered, just like you'd expect from a woman in her position. I'm not sure if that's how intended to write for her, but it really drew me in with her threads. It was incredibly immersive, and I really REALLY want to see more of her.

Nav I'm afraid I still don't know too much about, but I know I want to see more of her :)

Grace is another I'd like to see more of. The way you fleshed her out in the Years From Now thread was fantastic, and her familiarity with s'Il was fun to have. Wherever she's been in the present timeline, I'd like to see her make a comeback.

[Miranda Tarkin]

Brian - I'll have to go looky around for threads :)

In regards to Miranda, I have a thread with Anar and cooking up something with Sanya! Yay.

Not sure what to do with Navaria right now. As for Grace... she'll be back. Rebooting and old thread to find an old friend

[Miranda Tarkin]

Okies ... here's a couple for Sniper Dude ...

http://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?22290-Elegy-for-Young-Lovers-%28Sanya-Tagge%29

http://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?22052-How-to-Expect-the-Unexpected&highlight=navaria+tarkin

[Captain Untouchable]

Dang it, I thought I had posted in this already! :uhoh

Miranda and Navaria are definitely up there at the top of the list for me. Partly, it's because I can't see Eliza Dushku without thinking of you any more :P, but also there's a lot of interesting potential for parallels and such between them. How is Navaria's role and relationship with the Jedi Council going to echo or contrast with Miranda's role and relationship with the Imperial Knights? How is Miranda going to cope with transitioning from an Empress who wants to crush the Rebellion to one who is forced to accept the Alliance as a political equal? What changes (if any) will Miranda make to her Empire in response to the Alliance: will she tighten her grip, or will she try and reverse some of Palpatine's changes so that people are less afraid / more willing to stay in the Empire?

I'd love to see what Grace is up to as well. Now that the Alliance has transformed from a Rebellion into a legitimate government, how is Grace handling her role as the spy boss? Has she embraced a more political role now that she's under more government scrutiny? Has she evolved into Judy Dench from James Bond? Or, is she resisting that urge, trying to keep things the way that they used to be even though spy game is completely different now? Is she even still with the Alliance, or is she one of the many people who resigned in protest of the Treaty with the Empire, and has found some other avenue to keep striking at the Empire and/or cashing in on her awesome skills?

There might be some fun stuff to do with some of your smuggly type characters too. We're throwing up a blockade around the Corellian Sector, and we're going to have smuggling routes operated by Black Sun and others funnelling stuff from Cloud City to Corellia, so if you have a hankering to get your feet wet with some of your more legally/morally ambiguous characters, that might be a good option. There's Jovan Station too, which is a great place for shenanigans type stuff, if you have the urge to get your John Barrowman on again. :mischief

[Matatek Sel Vissica]

I was gonna say, I thought *I* was your number one fan :D

I challenge Sanya to a battle to the death. The winner gets to sleep curled up at the empress's feet!

[Miranda Tarkin]

What madness is this?! A battle to the death to snuggle at my feet?

[Miranda Tarkin]

All I can say is that I want to see more of Miranda and Navaria. It's been waaaay too long, and frankly I've been wanting to see those two and their place in the galaxy. Miranda especially, since there's no shortage of intrigues in the Empire, and she has a loyal cadre of Imperial Knights at her beck and call.

After all Miranda has to meet her number one fangirl.


You! I've messaged you to talk about ... posting. Answer pwease here or there because I need to drum up ideas for Navaria.

Or ... anyone really.

[Charley]

Just replied to you ur PM. We should talk tonight :-)

[Rossos Atrapes]

What madness is this?! A battle to the death to snuggle at my feet?

Madness?

THIS! IS! THE EMPIRE!

[Captain Untouchable]

Madness?

THIS! IS! THE EMPIRE!

http://cdn.makeagif.com/media/7-09-2015/2uDw9h.gif

[Pierce Tondry]

Okies ... here's a couple for Sniper Dude ...
http://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?22052-How-to-Expect-the-Unexpected&highlight=navaria+tarkin

So I read through this thread and I have a few comments.

1) Passive Voice.
On occasion, you write sentences in passive voice (ex: using "was running" instead of "ran") which could usually be tweaked into a more revealing active voice version. Here are a couple of examples:

The tool requested was placed in her hand.
VS
The requested tool plopped satisfyingly into her hand.

and

She was hoping to salvage the components with a thorough cleaning but there were so many fried wires in this section that she was replacing more then repairing.
VS
She hoped to salvage the components with a thorough cleaning, though the her hope dimmed with each fried wire she replaced.


What I notice about those old posts is: you also write in active voice, sometime in the same paragraph, and the switch in tenses creates awkward reading sometimes. While this is more of a technical critique, not a character one, a well-structured sentence often gives you more room to express who your character is.

I myself lean on passive voice at times, so please don't read this as an "I'M JUDGING YOU" kind of criticism. However, I noticed that you avoided passive voice in your recent (http://sw-fans.net/forum/showthread.php?56567-Party-Faces&p=1044335&viewfull=1#post1044335)Miranda post and it became a much more satisfying read to me. I bring this up as encouragement to stay on the direction you're currently traveling, because it works well.

2) Navaria's character expression feels missing.

On the one hand, Navaria seems a very "from-the-mold" style of Jedi. When presented with a possible visitor from the future with direct personal information about the fate of her and her loved ones, her main concern is future paradoxes and the will of the Force. In that setting, she's direct, but nonconfrontational; cautious, but unafraid.

On the other hand, I have trouble understanding who Navaria is outside the way she handles overarching, grand matters. She seems to love Daria, but in this thread that relationship is more painted as her accepting Daria's love rather than offering her own. In the current day, are the two of them together? Has there been a falling out, or have they grown closer, and either way, how has that shaped Navaria?

Another thing I notice is the small bits of personality most individuals have seem missing. Navaria is in a simple tunic and trousers, that seems clear. But does she have absolutely zero ornaments on her? If so, is that because she doesn't own any, or they're back in her quarters? If they're in her quarters, is there a particular earring or bracelet she misses? Is she doesn't own any, does she feel happy or satisfied at going without frills? Is the question of ornamentation even one she considers?

And lastly, how similar or different is Miranda to Navaria in all these small ways?

One thing I'd be interested in seeing is a scenario where Navaria is forced to participate, but not lead, to see how she handles not being in any form of control.

I hope that helps! If I have time, I'll try to look at that second thread you linked and offer feedback then, too.

[Miranda Tarkin]

Again, thank you Brian for that lovely input <3 and everyone else too. As you noticed, I have 5 characters running around now with Saricia coming back in some form. Just what is the question.

Is there anyone else I should bring back? Even in the General Roleplaying setting too. Or anyone have anything they need help with that I can reinsert someone?