Superman Can't Be Late!

[Superman]

"Thanks Superman!"

"Wow, he's so cool!"

"Did you see the way he whooshed?"

Superman smiled and waved at the kids and teachers gathered outside the elementary school, touching down and generally feeling on top of the world. He didn't get to help out much with everyday problems anymore, but he loved doing so. The whole point to Superman was to help people after all.

"Okay kids, after all that excitement it'll be difficult to get back to work, but we've still got a couple hours left before classes are out," one of the teachers said, and Superman felt an uncharacteristic chill run down his back.

"Excuse me?" he called. The teacher looked up and smiled. "Sorry to bother you, but could you tell me the time?"

"Of course!" the teacher said, pulling out a watch. "It's almost two."

Superman's eyes widened.

"Superman? Are you okay?"

"Gotta go!" the super hero said, and was a dot in the sky a second later.


***


Five minutes later, Superman was in a grocery store, staring at the various ice cream flavors and sizes, ignoring the people peeking around the corners looking at him.

"...What flavor did she want again?" He couldn't call her; he'd left his cell phone with his suit back on that roof. Now that he thought about it, he should probably go get that before someone else... no. No. "Remain focused. It's only ice cream. Ice cream. You can do this. You're Superman."

[Supergirl]

Kara hadn't really been planning on running in to her cousin as she soared across the city skyline. In fact, bumping in to Kal El was the furthest thing from her mind. She was enjoying her time away from his watchful eye, her time as Supergirl without constantly being criticised or being told to behave, but at the same time she did miss her family, both adoptive and real, and as she tore through the air she felt a slight buzz as her hearing detected one word being repeated.

Superman.

She focused her hearing, and it seemed the gossip was coming from a nearby store. There was no doubt that no matter what it was, Kal would have it. Heck, General Zod himself could have shown up to rob the store and Kal would have it under control, but Kara couldn't resist dropping in to offer help.

Floating down and landing delicately, she strode through the doors...

...only to see Kal, in full costume, confronted by a whole range of ice creams.
".............Uh, Kal?" She asked, having no idea what else she could possibly say.

[The Spirit]

In the supermarket of justice, there was always that one bad cart. Oh, it looked like all the others, but this cart was evil. It waited, preying upon the unsuspecting. When you approached it, you would never know, like a casually dressed mugger in the park. You think nothing is out of the ordinary, you think life is going swell, and then you find it. It comes out easily from the stack, a smooth operator, this one, but once you've righted it and take a few steps forward, its trap is sprung. One wheel, always the front right, skips, judders and drags, causing you to stumble as you push two hundred pounds of chromed steel mesh and pipe. You think you can simply put it back with the others, but by then, it's too late.

New customers have come in, they see you. If you put the cart back now, you'd look like a jerk, laying a trap for the next poor Joe, so you're stuck with it. Sure, it's just a cart, not a mugger, and sure, it's a real supermarket, not a metaphorical representation of your crime-filled city, but it's still a damn nuisance.

I push the cart from hell along, that right, front wheel mocking me as I go. It drags, it lifts, it shakes, it spins. It defies the laws of physics, and all the while it mocks me while I shop. Milk, bread, eggs, potatoes, cans of baked beans, all the essentials wind up in my cart; a pair of prime steaks waiting for me at the butcher's counter, as I called ahead. It pays to plan, and to be on a first-name basis with the butcher. Well, at least as far as I call him Mateo and he calls me The Spirit, which is about as first-name as a fellow like me can get. Sure, I turn heads, a bit, in my trademark blue suit, blue gloves, blue fedora, and my red tie and black domino mask, but not that many people stare, anymore. I've been doing this vigilante gig for five years; I'm almost as famous as that big vampire, Batman. Almost. He's got Batman toaster pastries. I've got The Spirit celery. I'm really not sure how that one worked, or continues to work, but if it's got my face on the bag, it's going in my cart.

Veggies taken care of, meat on the way, I decide to indulge myself a bit. Fighting crime doesn't mean you have to be serious, all the time, and a fella can always find a reason for ice cream. So, I heave into the push-bar of my hateful cart, and force it down to the frozen foods section. Rocky Road Fudge Ripple Delight, here I come.

But there, there is something I don't expect. Two more blue suits, but this time with red capes, and the same letter on each of their chests. Superman and Supergirl? In my corner grocery store? No, can't be. Must be some marketing gimmick. Batman has his toaster pastries, guess Supes wanted to trump him with ice cream. Toffee, Mocha, and the American Way! or some cockamamie, overwrought name like that. Executives think you buy stuff because it's got a funny name. Well, not if you're smart, you don't.

"New product launch?" I ask, casually leaning on my cart. I've got my trademark smug smile going on, hat tilted just so. These two cosplayers were going to go ape when they turned to see a real hero standing right next to them. Good work on the costumes, though. Not perfect, but better than most I see at Gotham ComiCon. Far less gut on both, too, which is a bonus, I might add.

[Superman]

"Kara," Superman said, lifting one carton of ice cream up. "What is Pink Mocha Chocolate Frappucino? And why is it seven dollars for a half gallon?"

Would Lois even like Pink Mocha Chocolate Frappucino? Or would she rather have Fudge Supremo? Or Moose Chocolate Chip? Did he just say those out loud?

She stared for a second too long as another voice joined in.

"New product launch?"

Superman turned to see a man, or he was reasonably sure it was a man (he wasn't about to use his x-ray vision just to be sure either), standing there with a fedora jauntily perched atop his head and a domino mask obscuring his face.

"Is there?" Superman asked, sounding a little too relieved. "Don't they have sales on those?"

[Supergirl]

Kara had a bemused look that suggested she was utterly baffled by the current side of her cousin she was seeing. And also by the ice cream he had just mentioned.
"Kal, I was born and raised on the other side of the galaxy. How am I meant to know? I've only bee here a year. Isn't this the stuff you're meant to be teaching me?" She asked, pointing out that Kal was meant to be her mentor in all things human, not the other way around. Ma and Pa Kent usually only invested in three flavours of ice cream.

This was way beyond her pay grade.

She looked back over at the weird man in blue with the mask, and sighed. Humans had such weird dress senses sometimes.
"No, it's fine, he's just... confused." Kara said dismissively, unaware of course that The Spirit thought they were just humans in costumes. "Kal, how were you going to pay for this anyway? You're in costume. We don't have pockets." She pointed out.

[Superman]

Superman's face went blank as Kara's voice of reason blasted into his worry hazed brain.

Money.

Superman put the ice cream cartons back into the freezer and then began patting himself down.

"'No,' I said," he murmured under his breath. "'I don't need gadgets, so pockets would only get in the way,' I said."

His face brightened as he dug underneath the right shoulder of his cape and pulled out some folded bills and counted them.

"Phew," he breathed in relief. "Sorry Kara. Lois and I have a little thing going on this afternoon and I was worried about being late. And there's no way, except experience I suppose, that anyone would know about..."

Superman looked back through the frosted glass of the freezers.

"...Pink Mocha Chocolate Frappucino."

[The Spirit]

I held my pose a moment longer. Surely they'd recognize me, I thought. I mean, if they went to all that trouble to make such good costumes, surely they were familiar with the hero scene, and I'd been on that scene no less than half a decade. Who didn't know The Spirit? My face was on the celery!

Then it dawns on me. I'm so wrapped up in thinking they don't recognize me, I don't stop to think it's me not recognizing them. My eyes dart from one to the other, and back again. These aren't just some couple playing dress-up, no, these two are the real deal! And in my supermarket, no less! If I were one of those modern teenages, I'd surely have my qPhone out by now, snapping pictures and selfies and memes and whatever the kids called those stupid photographs, these days. Being a grown man, I merely straighten my posture, and my tie, and smile. It's Superman, how can you not smile? It's like having a corndog; the smile just happens.

"If you're buying it for a ladyfriend, I'd say it's a safe bet," I say. Of course I have no idea, I don't buy that froo-froo stuff, and most of the women I take on dates wind up trying to kill me even before we get to dessert, but it sounded like the right thing to say. "You two are the real deal, aren't you?" I then add. Can't help it. Corndog smile rules, as well, I suppose.

Of course, I've met Supes, before, but he doesn't remember me. Busy guy, and all that, can't expect him to remember all us little guys. Still, I extend a gloved hand for a shake. "The Spirit. Welcome to my town, big guy. And you too, Miss."

[Supergirl]

"Then buy it for her and say it's a new treat?" Kara suggested with a bright smile to encourage her cousin. After all, Kara might not know about ice cream, but she did know all about what her dream boyfriend would bring her (inbetween being muscular, dreamy, handsome, and a Green Lan- wait, did she think that?). "Better than getting a favourite wrong, right?" She said brightly. She also thought she might have to ask her cousin about why he'd decided to go shopping not in his secret identity. That seemed... kind of defeating the point of having one.

"Oh, hi." She smiled, shaking the Spirit's hand, looking him over and taking him in. "Actually, I've been in town for a few weeks now, but-" Then she paused. "Wait a minute! Blue trenchcoat, suit... I know you!" She suddenly said with a big smile. "You're that Question guy! I heard about you! Your mask looks different in real life. What's with the new name?" She asked in a friendly tone, oblivious to her mistake.

[The Spirit]

So the dame takes my hand instead of her big brother, but I'm not about to complain about that. The moment you start complaining about attention from a pretty, young woman, is the moment you need to check yourself into the old folks home. And then she recognizes me. I can see it in her face, that widening smile, the large, attentive eyes, the bounce of her golden hair; that's right, I'm famous, and she... thinks I'm someone else.

My face and shoulders slump harder and faster than a tech company's stocks after a failed product launch. If my hat could droop, surely it would be as I give my best, "Are you kidding me?" look under one dismally arched eyebrow. So much for famous.

"Uh, no. That's another guy," correct her. My posture finds its way back to normal, showing off how much better my suit fits me than that knockoff's suit fits him. I know the importance of a good tailor, and you need lips to kiss a pretty girl. From what I've seen, that guy's gone none of the above. "I'm The Spirit; Gotham's premiere detective and practitioner of the sweet science. Been keeping Gotham safe for five years, now."

Yeah, sure, there's that Batman guy, but he's got powers and stuff, being a vampire and all. He might have beaten me to the scene, but in sheer guts, I got his leather-winged ass beat, hands-down. I force my smile to return; ladies enjoy a bit of charm, after all, and Supes seemed preoccupied with frozen dairy products. "So, you just in town helping out, a bit, or have you decided to take up residence in our fair city?"

[Superman]

Mask it as just being a new treat? Superman mulled over that thought, its attractiveness all in the way it was an easy out; but at the same time, he felt that he should remember Lois's favorite ice cream flavor. It just seemed right, and though it wasn't important in the larger scheme of things, people lived in the big world and their own small worlds at the same time, and each connected with the other in innumerable ways.

Besides, it was about the only thing he had to pick up for their date, and if he got the only thing he had to do wrong, he'd never hear the end of it.

"Nice to meet you," Superman said from behind Supergirl, a friendly smile on his face. "It's always good to meet someone else committed to making the world a better place. And for the record, I don't consider myself any more of the real deal than you."

[The Spirit]

"We've met before, actually," I say. It feels good to say that, and even better to know it's the truth. Three years back, smuggling ring operating out of the docks, sending weapons to Metropolis. I'd been tailing them for weeks, and finally got the drop on those low-lives. Then, low and behold, the big blue cheese tosses their boat back from the pier onto land, and the lot give up. Well, the ones I hadn't laid out with a good right jab or left cross, that is.

Press showed up, took our picture together in front of the impromptu dry-docked ship. Still have that front page framed and hung on my wall. Black and white, but who cares? Timeless, they call it.

No recognition on the big guy's face. No big deal, he goes through a lot, probably just needs his memory jogged. "Gotham pier, few years back. Gun-runners," I say. Should be more than enough. Don't want to make the man look silly in front of his little sister, and all, that'd be just mean.

[Supergirl]

"Ohhh! Sorry..." Kara laughed lightly, trying to make light of her little goof up, but feeling awful. It probably wasn't much fun to be mistaken for another superhero. "You should, you know, get a logo or something. They help!" She said cheerily, because, well, they did. Nobody would mistake Kal for Batman with a big 'S' on his chest, right?

She paused, and realised actually that was maybe a little insulting to an established big hero like this guy was claiming to be (even though Kal had never mentioned him...).

"Uh, if it helps, I'm literally from another planet?" She said optimistically, hoping that would justify why she hadn't heard of him.