Without Honor or Humanity - 10.242

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Draiya lay quiet in the infirmary on a semi-elevated bed, eyes closed in deep repose. It would seem peaceful if not for the trappings of deep trauma she now wore. Her head was swaddled thick with bandages. Her jaw packed with a cool pouch similarly wrapped from the top of her head to the base of her throat. One arm lay across her chest, frozen in place by a cast.

If one looked closer, they could see the Syragori's eyes moving under peacefully-closed lids. Back and forth without end. Her fingers twitched, an echo of her subconscious. Inside the mind of Draiya Naaianeya, the war wasn't over.

...Abarai Loki stood poised against her with unflappable cool confident poise. She moved again and again. Faster, stronger. Each moment in time frozen and analyzed. Each miss could be corrected. She watched how he moved. Not just his speed but his intent and his technique. Abarai Loki was the bar which she would measure herself against. Each time found wanting. Maybe it wasn't him she was fighting at all.

Maybe Draiya Naaianeya fought Draiya Naaianeya.

Another loosed fist. Draiya's determined face moved just past as she always did. Always a little faster. Always a little stronger. The Syragori dug up the bottom of her insides to find one last handful of grit and resolve and win.

This wasn't a battle of disagreements. This wasn't a battle over points. This was survival. If she didn't rise above, and if she didn't improve...

...then who was she? Not a Jedi. Without honor. Without purpose. Without victory.

Focus. Faster. Stronger. Drive. Win. Win. Win. Win.

[Serena Laran]

Serena sat quietly at the bedside of her patched up padawan, waiting for her to wake up. They had much to talk about.

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Draiya felt warmth through her dreamscape. More than a feeling and beyond sight or sound yet occupying everything. More real than a dream. A familiar formless brilliance coalesced into her mind.

"...masterr..."

The Syragori felt impossibly small. She'd failed. Abarai Loki made clear the price of her failure and that truth burned like a branding iron into her heart.

Still somewhere between sleeping and waking, Draiya followed her senses, her right hand sliding to the edge of her bed, small hand open hopefully.

[Serena Laran]

Serena reached out and took the thirteen year old's hand, squeezing gently. "How do you feel, Draiya?"

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Physical warmth and touch to confirm everything she knew. Familiar words spoken.

Heavy eyes opened to stare at the ceiling. She was in the infirmary. Surprise slowly seeped into Draiya's features. Had it been that bad? The Syragori's head turned to where Serena sat.

How do you feel, Draiya?

Water grew beneath her eyes and her bottom lip trembled as she squeezed her eyes tight again.

"I'm sorrry..."

Her words of contrition heaved in her chest in a soft sob.

She had failed

[Serena Laran]

"And why are you sorry?" she asked softly. Draiya's face was starting to contort in the beginnings of a deep, sorrowful sob, and Serena rubbed her thumb across the top of the girl's hand. The emotions inside the padawan were deep and plentiful, hard to separate into categories. Shame was in there, for some reason.

[Draiya Naaianeya]

This was her confession. Draiya knew she had to confront her master with this. Not with water in her eyes like a child! She didn't want to leave Serena's warm embrace, but her hand found determination to part from the Jedi Master to blot out the weakness from her eyes with a swipe.

"I have failed the Jedi Orrderr. I have failed my masterr. I have failed myself."

Everything she had built upon and everything she had believed reduced to rubble at her feet. Draiya desperately searched for the first unblemished brick to begin again.

[Serena Laran]

"Because you were beaten by a much stronger opponent? A fully trained Jedi Knight? There is no failure there, Draiya." Serena kept her comments succinct, trying to draw out of the girl what she truly felt. She had heard Abarai's side of the story, and now she would hear Draiya's. "Why were you fighting Knight Loki, Draiya?"

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Draiya recited the mantra burned into her soul by Abarai.

"A Jedi must be as sharrp as theirr weapon. If they arre not then they dishonorr it, themselves, and the Jedi."

More introspective, the Padawan paused.

"Knight Loki put to me a challenge to rretrrieve my name."

She shook her head.

"And I failed."

[Serena Laran]

"Knight Loki comes from a very...martial way of thinking, Draiya. I fear that your ego is threatening to overwhelm any shred of good sense you have left." Serena sighed. "He should not have taken your weapons. Any lesson you need taught, it is my place to teach it to you. He overstepped the bounds of his authority, and is being punished accordingly.

"You, on the other hand, are a padawan. To fail against the Knight who teaches combat to others...is no failure at all. To expect to win, on the other hand, is the height of arrogance. Arrogance, ego - these have no place in a Jedi's heart."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Arrogance

She'd been struck as savagely by Serena's words and felled more assuredly than any pummeling Abarai Loki could ever give. Draiya thought back on Loki's words before the end.

Draiya Naaianeya, you have found your limit. And that is the beginning.

Sudden realization on her face, and horror. He wasn't talking about mere physicality. He was seeing something more. He saw exactly what Serena now laid plain at her feet. A flaw more cancerous and fatal than any deficiency in her combat technique or physical weakness.

Bewildered eyes met Serena's.

"Help me. Please."

[Serena Laran]

Serena's eyes softened. "Of course, Draiya. That is what I am here for, to teach and guide you on your journey." She patted the padawan's leg. "You should rest. You may stay in the Center overnight, but I think you have some friends who'd like to visit."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

There was something strangely renewing about Serena's words. Draiya expected admonishment and blame for everything she had sullied and lost. Was this arrogance as well? Her entire worldview had been built upon something singular and driven. She'd devoted everything into honing the razor's edge. Far too much if she'd lost her grasp on what truth was and her understanding of reality. The most dangerous trap of an illusionist is to become lost in the illusion one creates.

"Masterr."

Draiya bade Serena to stop before she left. There was something important to be said.

"Rregarrding Knight Loki. You mentioned he was to be punished."

The Syragori drew her hand into her lap alongside it's opposite that rested in a cast.

"Beforre that punishment is rrenderred, may I speak on his behalf?"

[Serena Laran]

"There will be a Council meeting about the matter tomorrow. You may speak on his behalf...and your own." Serena smiled a little sadly. "Rest, Draiya Naaianeya. Your body needs to heal."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

The times that found her in the infirmary were usually to visit her brother, but now was different. Now found her slowly making her way through the main reception area, and on deeper into the treatment rooms. Which, to be honest were laid out in an open plan, with beds and trays of medical equipment dotting the interior landscape like islands of pain relief.

Clutched in her hands wasn't a small fistful of flowers, but something a bit more substantial; or at least, she hoped it was. It was a modestly wrapped, small box. The paper was left over from her own Life Day gift, that'd been meticulously unwrapped before being folded up and stored away for a time that she thought it'd be necessary. Now was one of those times, and the young Lupine had willingly cut out the necessary amount of bright red wrapping paper to wrap her gift.

Spying Master Laran, Teagan drew up in hesitation, unsure if she was intruding.

[Draiya Naaianeya]

"Teagan?"

Draiya replied drowsily as Master Laran made her departure. Again, her right hand rubbed at her eyes fastidiously.

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

"Hey."

Sidling up next to Draiya's bedside, Teagan looked down at her friend, making sure to speak in a hushed voice. A tentative smile was given, and she placed her free hand on the edge of the bed.

"You look like you got eaten by a Hutt."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Draiya's free hand reached up, suddenly aware of the heavy bandages around her head. She already knew how bad the arm was.

"That bad, huh?"

She hadn't even considered the possibility of looking ghastly and disfigured at the end of it all. Insult literally upon injury.

"Teagan, I think I've made a mistake."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

She blinked, and setting the brightly wrapped gift on the side of the bed, Teagan gave a helpless shrug.

"Well, we all mess up sometimes."

She'd heard through the inevitable grapevine, about the fight between Draiya and Knight Loki. And while she herself would never consider doing such a thing, she also knew that the raven-haired Syragori girl was stubborn as a mule ox. The young Lupine tried to focus on the positive, small though it was.

"Least you can get a new gold tooth now, eh?"

[Draiya Naaianeya]

The Syragori's expression turned thoughtful. In her mind, there was a gulf between messing up and making a mistake. Master Serena's words still hung fresh on her mind.

To expect to win, on the other hand, is the height of arrogance. Arrogance, ego - these have no place in a Jedi's heart.

Her pride had impelled her on this collision course and had nearly undone every effort she'd made. Worse, it had involved Abarai Loki, a paragon of discipline and warrior's virtue who should be blameless.

At the mention of a tooth missing, Draiya's right hand moved to the swollen side of her face, a bit of surprise registering.

"That would explain the wadding."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

A smile, and Teagan shifted her gift so that it was more easily seen, and within reach as well.

"I brought you something. It's not much, but I wanted you to have something while you were stuck in here."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Draiya's dark eyes settled on the gift and the paper.

"You saved this frrom Life Day?"

There was no mistaking the adornment. It was beautiful. No wonder she saved the paper. With her latchkey sensibilities, Draiya would have done the same. Her right hand moved it to where her left lay, fingers spreading around the contours as she looked back to Teagan with confusion. Old prideful misgivings were easy to find. Was this pity? Some bone tossed to a broken down dog too inept to fetch it for themselves?

The proper thing to do was to thank her, yet something familiar slowed her response. Something that Draiya had to push aside.

Draiya pulled the gift further into her lap, crinkling the paper slightly.

"You'rre the only perrson herre who's everr given me anything beforre."

Master Serena had shown generosity to her student, but in Draiya's mind that was a different sort of relationship. The generosity wasn't lessened, but perhaps tempered by obligation.

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

"Well... "

In the past, their interactions hadn't been the best, and had once resulted in Teagan succumbing to tears. But, time always had a way of changing people, and after their shared Life Day, the girl had found an unlikely friend in Draiya. It was still a careful friendship, but it was there all the same.

"It's not much, since there's not much around here to dress up, but it's something at least."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Fingers moving slowly, Draiya carefully negotiated the tape binding the wrapping together, peeling it free with the minimum of tearing or discoloration against the adhesive. It was a long process, but the Syragori wouldn't cheapen Teagan's gift with anything less. One corner was freed, then another. Draiya repositioned the gift to better make use of her one fully-moveable arm, and finished the job on the last two squares of tape. The paper opened up to reveal a black rectangular shape. She felt the material. It was backing for a frame. Draiya's right hand ran to the edge, finding purchase of a frame edge.

Her eyes looked up at Tak for any hint of what lay beneath before she turned the picture over.

What she saw took her breath away. A vision of her past taking her across light years.

"It's the firrefly grrove in Daitha'ka Na'Forrdahyu."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

"I went looking on the 'net for pictures of Syragor," came the explanation. "That one was so pretty, I had to print it out. I got the frame from the miner's camp."

Teagan couldn't help but smile at the look on Draiya's face.

"Pictures of my home always make me feel better, so I thought that a picture of yours would help you, too."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

A wistful expression took over, and Draiya ran her fingers over the image. The city lights behind looping graceful An'daalli trees lit up by an impossibly dense population of Syragori fireflies.

"I kissed my firrst boy herre."

She could still remember the night. It was late spring, and finally the nights had gotten long enough to stay out later and you didn't need a coat. She'd brought him Cathar sweetmeats and they lay under the tree next to the fountain and watched fireflies for hours.

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Another smile.

"Seems a good place for your first kiss. Better than mine, at least."

A hand went up to rub at the back of her neck.

"Me an' Wyl were playing 'No Apologies', and for some reason I thought that I was dying. Had a cough and weird headaches all day long. I don't even remember why now, but I convinced him that if we kissed I'd be cured. We tried to do it like they do in the holofilms. That was when my... "

She drew up then, unsure if she should go on. She did anyway.

"So, yeah. My Dad walked in on us, and I got sent to my room and Wyl got a long talk."

A rueful smile.

"Two days later me and Wyll both had full blown Hutt Pox."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

A disgusted look blossomed on Draiya's face.

"Hutt Pox?!"

She tried to picture the mental image of Tak and Wyl in an agonized week of pink cream-splotched misery. She giggled, an uncharacteristically goofy deviance from her usual state of mind.

And she realized that felt good. Draiya sat up a little.

"My firrst was a boy named T'yendaarro. Girrls went to differrent schools and all the boys werre home-taught and stuff, but all the kids came to the parrk to play durring equinox festival. We had a week off. He was Meerra'in, um..."

Teagan maybe didn't understand the significance, and Draiya explained.

"Cizerack, but frrom home. That's complicated. Anyway, my frriends all told me I should tell him I liked him. We werre nine."

Draiya made a face.

"Boys werre still kinda grross."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Her smile grew, and Teagan nodded in understanding.

"Some of them haven't grown out of being gross, I think," she pulled her hands away from the bedside.

"I'm glad you like the picture, though."

She bit her lip. "I should probably go now, or I'll be late for class. I just wanted to check in on you."

An encouraging grin was sent to Draiya.

"See you soon though, yeah?"

[Draiya Naaianeya]

See you soon though, yeah?

Draiya considered Teagan's words, framed with the near-certain consequences of her fight with Loki. She was under no illusions. Her punishment may very well involve her banishment from the Order. Fear persistently tried to encroach on her and paralyze her with the notion, but Draiya could find no solace in fear.

See you soon were also words T'yendaarro had said all those years ago. Equinox ended, and all the children said their goodbye to unbroken days of fun. She never saw her first kiss again. His parents didn't like the ruddy-faced human he tagged along with. Too human. Too poor. They didn't waste their time giving her an excuse. T'yendaarro simply went away.

Draiya clutched at her picture as Tak left.

"See you soon."

[MA7-E4]

// Draiya Naaianeya - Syragori - Jedi Padathingy //
// Primary caregiver: Serena Laran //

While this patient was not under her direct care, the droid felt she would be remiss to not offer medical assistance if necessary. There were always ways to improve the quality of care experienced by the facilities charges. The heavy sound of padded metallic feet echoed as the the blue framed droid entered the room, adorned in nurses scrubs and a set of blue loafers, a recent addition to her uniform, its facial servos moved upward into a warm and cheerful smile as she gave a small bow.

This unit is Matea, Medical Assistant Series 7 droid. Do you require a change of bedding, perhaps an additional pillow? This unit would like to see your stay with us be as comfortable and pleasant as it can be.

She walked into the room, moving to stand beside Draiya's bedside. Perhaps you would like to hear our available dining options as your chart indicates you will be staying with us overnight?

[Draiya Naaianeya]

"I'm fine."

Draiya watched the strange droid guardedly, holding her picture frame close as it approached. Ever since her senses had been tempered by training as a Jedi, she'd become attuned to living energies and the way they interacted with the world around her. Droids were mysterious enough to a lay person. When you saw the living in a scale even more alive than others did, the non-living became doubly inscrutable. The radiance she saw around Serena and Teagan was replaced by a disquieting absence in Matea's presence. That it smiled and wore clothes and spoke in a comforting way just seemed to make the encounter more eerie.

"I'm not hungrry."

Which was surprising, given the amount of exertion she'd given up in her duel with Loki. Normally she ate like a starving horse, but the scope of events around her had absolutely ruined her appetite.

Watching Matea with a mixture of curiosity and discomfort, the Syragori scratched an itch just at the periphery of her cast.

[MA7-E4]

Ah, my apologies for the intrusion, this unit...

Her head tilted slightly to one side, coding burning through both systems as she watched the motions, the body language. The Jedi had denied needing anything, her primary systems told her that the job was complete, continue on. The secondary systems, growing more invasive by the day insisted that was an error. Both battled for control of the situation, and finally she spoke again, before the atmosphere in the room turned cooler from the awkward pause.

...wonders if you are alright. Beyond your immediate physical concerns, miss. This unit does not wish to speak improperly, or above her station, but your appearance indicates that perhaps you are experiencing a level of emotional discomfort.

She lowered her head slightly, taking the seat next to the bed. I am not programed for psychological evaluation, but it is my understanding that it may improve the status of your emotional condition if you were to discuss your feelings with another. This unit would not impose herself into this role, but offers the assurance that if you do require any level of assistance, I am available.

She rested a hand gently on Draiya's shoulder, warm to the touch - temperature readings showing an optimal level for comfort, and smiled, before standing slowly a moment later and taking several steps back to give the patient appropriate personal space.

If you should decide you require anything, please press the call button, and I will make myself available to you. She bowed slightly, walking back toward the door with the same muffled metallic footfalls.

[Draiya Naaianeya]

"Wait."

It felt like someone else's voice asked Matea to stay rather than Draiya's own. She was surprised she said anything, as there was certainly something uncomfortable about the droid's presence. Someone wrote her to say that. And yet, Matea might be the closest thing to an impartial audience she had. The Syragori studied the droid intently with a serious expression, at last putting her picture frame on the stand beside her bed.

"A Jedi is supposed to contrrol theirr emotions, Matea. Not to be contrroled by them."

Draiya averted her eyes to the blanket.

"I've lost something along the way that's fundamental. I don't even know wherre I lost it."

[MA7-E4]

The droid found its way back to the seat and sat down, considering the weight of the words that had been shared. Her primary systems were at a total loss as to the situation that was now occurring, running through potential psychological services she could recommend, or specialists that could be called upon. That was the correct course of action, the admittance of expert care for such concerns. The primary systems were being widely ignored in this instance, resulting in what was best described as lag, perhaps it was more appropriately giving the appearance of a thoughtful pause, but that was not a condition a droid would engage in.

Emotions can be a source of confusion for all life forms, miss. More so for Jedi, this unit would assume.

Her own recent foray into confusing coding, not matching appropriately to any known subroutines or systems had resulted in difficult results. As a droid, MA7-E4 was not meant to experience such sensations, whether attributed to emotion, or to faulty programming. The difficulty a Jedi would be many times greater than what her limited experience was. The concept that one had lost something vital to themselves though struck a chord she did not understand, a register of understanding deep inside. The file she had encountered, her father, or the man who had at the very least called her, his daughter.

One must be whole. She said somberly, a soft tone escaping as if it were difficult for her to speak of. The pieces of oneself are vital, and worth any cost to maintain. Coding echoed through her subsystems, her primary systems eerily silent in their actions and processes. This loss must be painful, miss. I cannot presume to understand how you must feel. This unit does note, that you recognize that something is amiss; Self observation is a helpful step toward recovery.

She froze again, oculars distant as her secondary systems ran subroutines and pathways. May this unit inquire as to what you have lost?

[Draiya Naaianeya]

The question was on it's head a logical question. It was quantitative and seemed exactly what a droid would ask when she'd offered herself up. The context prior, however, was completely unexpected. Draiya's expression was one of muted incredulity.

"I've been so wound up in small steps. Pushing myself. Brreaking limits. I wanted to be the best - the top of my class."

The Syragori stared into the distance, seemingly focusing on something not there, as if she were watching unseen events turn before her.

"It neverr occurred to me that my drrive could actually worrk against me and sabotage my discipline."

That was it. Realization marked the young girl's face.

"I lost discipline. I didn't rrealize it until just now. I was rready to do anything to win."

The fight replayed again in Draiya's mind. This time she watched not as a cajoling and demanding observer, but as one watched a speeder accident happening in slow motion. With time now to consider exactly what happened, one thing was clear. Draiya would have committed everything to winning. Even her life.

"Does a drroid feel prride?"

[MA7-E4]

This unit experiences satisfaction in accomplishing it's purpose. She said rather as if reading it by rote. I am not programmed to be proud.

She was not programmed for a great many things that she experienced however, and the question registered within her, she would need to examine her datalogs for further evidence into any occurrences of pride.

My understanding of the concept indicates that it can be both a positive and negative experience. She looked away distantly the silence falling between them a few minutes longer than would expect in a conversation with a droid. Are you uncertain of the nature of your own experience with this sensation? She ran the conversation's structure through her systems again, the mention of being ready to do anything to win standing out as a potential red flag, systems marking it as hazardous speech, injury to others or self could occur under such a scenario.

If it is vital for oneself to be whole, is one aspect - pride as an example - worth sacrificing another over?

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Again a supposition in the form of cold analysis. Draiya almost suspended disbelief that she was talking to a machine.

"If prride werre just a varriable in an equation, we wouldn't be having this converrsation."

If she'd died, nothing would have been made whole. Her very actions were the antithesis of what it meant to be a Jedi. She would have gained no honor. She would have put blood on Abarai Loki's hands that should never have existed. She would have destroyed herself and destroyed another for nothing.

"Unchecked, it becomes the equation. It's easy to believe everrything you arre rrests upon it. And then you become yourr prride."

It was a painful lesson that Draiya was fortunate enough to learn. She wondered how many people never got the chance.

"How long until I heal?"

[MA7-E4]

I cannot answer that. She said solemnly. Your introspection, however, indicates that you are on that path.

She froze up again, head lilting as if suddenly shifting from one script to another, icy oculars blinking several times, head turning back to examine Draiya. This unit apologizes, your query was regarding your physical status and not your emotional condition. She stood and moved to the foot of Draiya's bed, picking up a datapad and examining it.

Your caregiver, Master Serena Laran indicates that you will be able to leave tomorrow if you desire it. She swiped a fingertip across the pad, oculars scanning the information. Your treatment calls for several days of limited physical activity, and we will be scheduling the removal of your cast 2 weeks from your release. She raised her head, smile returning, cheerful, programmed tone accompanying it. Your injuries should recover within the next few days if you follow the orders prescribed, though we will need to examine your arm next week before confirming your appointment for the cast's removal the week after.

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Two weeks.

An eternity. Draiya frowned at the news. Two weeks removed from physical training - to feel less than her utmost. Two weeks of a permanent reminder of what she'd done. It was easy to feel shame.

The Padawan nodded.

"Thank you, Matea. That will be all."

[MA7-E4]

The droid bowed slightly and returned the medical pad to the foot of the bed, she turned to exit and stopped at the door, smiling warmly. If you require anything further, please feel free to press the call button. Be well, Draiya.

The droid exited, the same padded metallic footsteps echoing down the hall away from the door that had originally announced her arrival until they faded into the distance.

[Kazahan]

Kazahan hummed while he led Raji's three little pit droids through the halls of the healing building, or 'hospital', as he'd heard others call it. Kaz, Jeb, and Zu were carrying bags and trying to keep up with him while he walked, and in the process were knocking into each other and into walls. He didn't think it was such a problem until Zu pushed Jeb into a door which was awry, sending him spilling into the door's room, where Jeb and the bag it had been carrying spilled onto the floor. Little figurines carved from wood, flew from the bag and clattered onto the floor and bounced softly on the bed.

"This one may have to tell Raji that no longer will you be able to come along on outings with Kazahan," the big Trianii said in reproach to Zu and Kaz, who both looked down bashfully at the floor. He entered the room, and bowed when he noticed that it was in fact occupied.

"This one apologizes," Kazahan said. "No interruption of your rest was meant."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Kazahan klutzed his way into the room, and Draiya watched with some medicated degree of dullness as he made a mess of things. The Syragori reached her right hand to one of the carved totems that landed on her blanket. Maybe it was rude, but Draiya opted to inspect it more in depth before returning it to it's owner. It looked like a person with a dog's head, with an arched back and hands raised up as if to hug a cloud.

Draiya tossed a skeptical glance to the Trianii. The cousin races as the Cizerack often politely yet impolitely called other felinoids, were usually spoken of as rock worshipers who hammered bones through their noses. Kazahan often times didn't do his people any favors, and she wondered what sort of heathen offering these might be a part of.

"It's okay, Kazahan. I'm not rresting much."

More like restless. The last thing Draiya wanted was to spend another day in the infirmary. The only thing keeping her tethered here were the wishes of her master.

"Sorrry I messed up yourr...yourr..."

Don't say anything offensive, Draiya...

"...dolls."

[Kazahan]

"Oh no," Kazahan said patiently. "These are not at all dolls. Dolls can move along their joints, have some sort of stuffing within them. These are simple carvings of the main myth of my people."

Kazahan shifted on his feet, almost as if he were embarrassed.

"This one carves them when out far from the Sanctuary, keeping an eye on the Ysanna and scouting out the lands, searching for the most dangerous areas. This planet still heals from its great wound, and there is much radiation yet lingering. Yet this one may have found some fruit groves further south. The air begins to smell sweet and wet there."

The Trianii stepped to the side and allowed the droids to pick up the mess they'd made in Draiya's room.

"You are holding Ngrûngu, also known as Hrongr, the most legendary of legendary figures of the Trianii. He was a Singer, and the reason the Trianii called his people singers, because no one composed song as he did. His people were known for song, but it was said that he was the best. He could pitch his voice so powerfully that he could make enemies soil themselves. We have few tales left of him though, save for his role in the Tale of Raji. There are no more Singers on Trian, and the Tale of Raji explains why."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Draiya held the singer in her hands, not expecting to get a deep introduction into Trianii paganism. It seemed ridiculous and interesting all at the same time. Usually when Kazahan talked, Draiya was never sure whether he was staying on topic in a very lethargic way or getting distracted like he often did when a butterfly crossed his field of vision. That usually meant Draiya never listened. Maybe she ought to start.

"I neverr knew you werre rreligious."

The young girl quirked an eyebrow at him as she picked up another figurine. She tried to balance it on her knee, but it fell over.

[Kazahan]

"Most Trianii are, though our pantheon is quite diverse. Some Trianii may have a family deity that belongs to no one else. Long ago, after much bloodshed, all the religious leaders on Trian joined together to make a common moral code and a coalition. It is still in effect today, and despite the differences in some religious beliefs, there is little religious strife on Trian or the Colonies."

Kazahan picked up the figurine of Raji that had fallen over from Draiya's knee.

"O Hrongr, O Ngrûngu, most faithful of friends
That I could take your curse of loyalty
And be punished for such a virtue,
I would, I would, I would.
For this world is lessened without your song
And my heart, it weeps that you will die."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

There was an unknown sad poignancy in Kazahan's metered verse. It made Draiya think back of home and the prayer call at funerals. Normally the daily prayers were lilting and uplifting, but Nomaani's dirge was a keening plea that haunted even an unbeliever like herself.

"Why did Ngrrûngu die?"

Today was a heavy day of lessons, and Draiya followed her senses toward reverie she normally did not confront.

[Kazahan]

"He and his people loved deeply the masters that had raised them up," Kazahan answered. "Even when the Elder Children looked to raise themselves up before their time. And even when they had been humbled, they sought to overthrow the gods, chafing at their restraints, to the point that in the end, the gods allowed their self-destruction to utterly consume them, and the Singers which stayed beside them to the end."

Kazahan had grown quiet during his paraphrasing of the legend.

"This one knows what it is to miss what one has never had. It is a strange longing."

He glanced from the figurine of Raji to Draiya.

"This one can tell it to you, if you wish. Or just a small part of the tale, perhaps?"

[Draiya Naaianeya]

There was a tinge of sadness in Kazahan's voice. Draiya's skeptical bent fell to suspended disbelief. The strange feeling the Trianii described, she could easily feel within him. It was a strange flavor of melancholy that echoed her own feelings in the present.

"Is therre a happy ending?"

[Kazahan]

"Many happy tales there are, but no, it does not end happily for Hrongr, or Raji," Kazahan answered. "But as it is said in the Tale: 'All stories end sadly, with tears. For every soul leaves this place, everything that breathes has a last breath, and every story must end.'"

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Every story must end.

But not today.

"I grrew up hearring storries about Jedi as a child." Draiya's voice spoke low as she ran careful fingers along Kazahan's little gods and helpers.

"We grrew up in a worrld without a happy ending, and with no hope of salvation. Forrgotten childrren of forrgotten people, ourr Cizerack betterrs would say. The hope they sold us only let us look at heaven behind a window. Look but don't touch. I wanted so much to have faith in something, because nobody rreally lives without belief in something."

The Syragori's hand closed gently over Hrongr.

"The Jedi of old died beforre I was borrn. But I neverr stopped believing."

[Kazahan]

"Believing what, Draiya?" Kazahan asked. In truth, her description of a second hand heaven was quite similar to many Trianii beliefs, but since she had not elaborated on them, he could not quite compare them. "Believing in the Jedi? Or believing that they offered a way to lift you above those who would denigrate you and your people?"

Kazahan watched as she ran careful fingers over the face of a Crafter.

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Draiya smiled weakly at the Trianii's rapt and odd way of conversing. She wondered if it was as innocent as he made it seem, or if he carefully drew his words to coax other participants into saying what they otherwise wouldn't.

"Believing that the Jedi would come save me. And I guess in a way they did."

She looked back at Hrongr.

"I wonder how many otherr sets of eyes look in the night sky forr ourr starr and hope the same hope I had. I came to the Jedi because I had talent and ability. I took the name Jedi because I still believe."

The Syragori's eyes looked down to the little carving.

"Maybe it's no sad ending at all."

[Kazahan]

"No," Kazahan answered. "That is no sad ending at all. Perhaps we Trianii are simply pessimists, always finding something to dull our spirits."

He place Raji into Draiya's hand, along with the carving of Hrongr, and gently curled her fingers over the two.

"But the main theme of the story is the power of friendship and love, against all odds, giving one a strength beyond all others to accomplish things thought impossible. Raji accomplished many things in his attempts to save, and above all, be worthy of his friendship with Hrongr, things which awe and astound us even now. And we honour him for it, even if he could not save Hrongr at the end. This one does not know if it applies to your situation, but keep Raji and Hrongr, for this one wishes you to have at least one, but one should never be without the other."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

A simple and sweet analogy to the tumult within her soul. Draiya realized she could not find her own prosaic voice to match Kazahan's telling, but she felt much the better for being his audience. She carefully placed the keepsake god and servant alongside Teagan's photograph by her bed, making sure each figurine was aligned with each other in parade.

"Thank you, Kazahan."

Her smiles were small and fleeting, but Draiya willed this one a little longer for him.

[Akasha Khan]

The hours passed slowly. Draiya received more well-wishers at the afternoon wore on - Jamis Kerr, Kestra Martell, even Drax fumbled by for a few nervous and awkward minutes. Dinner came and went, a tray assembled from the mess tent by an orderly, somehow made blander and less appetizing by the medical surroundings. Then the suns began to set, beating slanted beams of golden light through the slats of the window blinds, and throwing the room into complicated shadows.

Akasha Khan approached the room on silent, padding feet and cautiously leaned through the curtain separating Draiya's recovery room from the corridor. The Orryxian couldn't tell if the Syragori girl was sleeping or awake, but either way she could tell Draiya's mind was millions of parsecs away. Carefully, Akasha reached up a paw and rapped her claws on the side of the doorframe. She was rewarded with a stirring beneath the untidy mop of black hair and a glinting of dark eyes in the half-light.

"Hi," the felinoid said at a whisper.

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Feeling somewhat betrayed by her body's lethargy, Draiya existed in a state of being too stubborn to sleep and too exhausted to do much else. She'd had a day of well wishes come her way. And though they each had salved her tortured state in some way or another, the Syragori felt a long way from catharsis. The Orryxian was a difficult person to engage with, but they'd somehow found themselves in a state of understanding through competitive drive. The same competitive drive that had threatened to cloud her vision, Draiya waxed introspective.

"Akasha."

Draiya gave a slight grimace in sitting up. The initial painkillers had worn off, leaving her in a dull ache, though leaving her senses sharp. She hoped not to rely on a pill to solve any more troubles than she had to.

[Akasha Khan]

While she hadn't been snarled away, it wasn't exactly a warm welcome, either. Akasha normally wasn't one to tiptoe around another person's feelings, but now she did just that as she silently entered the room and found a seat on a rolling stool at a respectful distance from the bed. She tucked her feet on the casters underneath her and let her tail sway slowly from side to side as she took stock of Draiya's sorry state.

"You look... um... restful?"

Even that couldn't be said with conviction, given the dark circles under the Syragori's eyes.

[Draiya Naaianeya]

"I wish I was doing anything but rresting."

Draiya blinked residual drowsiness from her eyes as she addressed the Orryxian at her bedside.

"I suppose some lessons arre morre painful than otherrs."

She was certain by now that Akasha had discerned the macabre details. She likely knew even more than Draiya did of the sorry outcome of the affair. In the Syragori's mind, it was all a flash of pregnant action. The consequences were just now being felt.

[Akasha Khan]

"I suppose," Akasha replied. "We've certainly given each other our share of painful knocks."

She glanced to the doorway, and when she turned back to face Draiya her right ear stayed pivoted in that direction, as if to keep watch. All was quiet.

The Orryian leaned in as close as the stool would allow and asked, in a tone of hushed disbelief, "Did he really take your sabers?"

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Draiya could not bring herself to answer that question. She wore her shame heavy on her heart. The only response Akasha got was a sink of her head and downturned eyes.

[Akasha Khan]

Akasha slowly rose up in her seat, ears peeled back and eyes wide as sparring remotes - a pure portrait of feline shock. "Maiur's eyes, she murmured. "I mean, I'd heard, but I wasn't sure I believed it. Are you..."

She left the question unasked, because it didn't need to be answered. All the Orryxian needed to do was imagine how she would feel if someone absconded with her beloved lightstaff, and she were unable to answer. She gently sank back into the cushioned stool.

"I'm sorry," she said. And she actually, truly meant it.

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Draiya's dark eyes looked up, surprised to hear those words out of her Orryxian colleague. The Syragori wasn't sure if she was comfortable being the object of pity for the famously fussy and vain felinoid. Yet, they seemed to travel in very familiar circles. Both pushed their limits and took pride in setting the bar high for their own terms.

"Akasha, I think I've lost my way. I used to be so surre that as long as I trrained to be the best that everrything else would sorrt itself out."

[Akasha Khan]

Akasha blinked owlishly at this strange confession. It was like Hwooroc saying it was time to invest in a good conditioner.

"And won't it?"

[Draiya Naaianeya]

"I was rready to die to prrove a point."

Invoking it in spoken words made Draiya grimace in disgust at exactly how ludicrous she'd strayed. The intoxication of pride pulling at her contrary to the higher calling she'd pledged. Draiya licked dry lips, and scratched the periphery of the bandage on her head.

"That I wouldn't give up. That's it. I would've thrrown it all away rright therre. How can I call myself a Jedi when I know in my hearrt I fell so shorrt in that moment?"

[Akasha Khan]

"So?" Akasha replied. "From what I heard, Loki was ready to kill you to prove a point."

She shifted in her seat, her tail curling in earnest now. "Don't get me wrong, you're still hard-headed as a reek, and there's something to be said for choosing your battles, but... seems to me like you were lucky."

The Orryxian looked to the doorway again and scooted her stool closer to Draiya's bedside. "I hear the Council is furious."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

"No." Draiya was decidedly firm on the point, her jaw tightening with an ounce of resolve. "He wouldn't do that. I know he wouldn't. I know I'll stand beforre the Council forr what happened, but Knight Loki is blameless."

[Akasha Khan]

"My tail, he is," Akasha scoffed. "Draiya, he broke your arm. And I don't mean you were fighting, and your arm broke. I mean, you were there on the ground, he came up behind you, and snapped it like a twig."

The Orryxian's ears splayed back in dismay. "Maiur's fangs, I can't believe you're defending him."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

It had to be for a reason. Draiya tucked her legs under her covers, holding her knees with her good arm. A Jedi should trust their instincts. Did Loki know exactly how far she was ready to push the brink? He had to have known.

"If Abarrai Loki falls shorrt of the marrk we'rre aiming forr, then what does that say about us, Akasha? I don't want to believe what you'rre thinking."

[Akasha Khan]

"Who says Loki's the mark we're aiming for?"

She hunched forward, elbows on knees, her large, earnest eyes catching the fading sunslight.

"He treats the old ways of the Jedi like they're an end in themselves, like there's nothing more to life than meditation, and saber katas, and mastering the Force. But you don't become a Jedi just so you can be a Jedi. There has to be a point to it - a battle to win, a task to complete. A reason. I've never sensed anything like that from him."

Akasha let her eyes droop, as if embarrassed by her sudden turn of transparency. She'd never spoken to Draiya this way before - she'd always felt her actions spoke for themselves.

"I guess what I'm saying is... what do you want to be a Jedi for, Draiya?"

[Draiya Naaianeya]

It was a question designed to cut to the quick, and Draiya's defensless expression was all that was needed to confirm to the Orryxian that she'd found her mark.

"I have always believed that by staying in peak forrm and at the best I could be, that I would be prreparred to answerr that question when asked. I want to be the solution, but I neverr botherred to ask what the question was. I thought that would come of it's own accorrd."

Draiya shook her head in wounded admission.

"Maybe I'm wrrong."

[Akasha Khan]

Akasha looked up again with a curious tilt to her head. "Huh. So that's what it sounds like."

One corner of her feline mouth twitched into a grin, and the Orryxian stretched out her legs and rolled herself back away from Draiya's bedside.

"Not to get all mushy on you, but you really are one of the most talented learners here," she said. "You're the only one in our class who can actually challenge me, let alone defeat me. Once in a while."

Ugh, she really hadn't meant to go there. Draiya had better really appreciate the gesture.

"If you didn't measure up to whatever Loki was trying to test you on, then maybe... just maybe... it wasn't the right test."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Draiya's eyebrows raised at the Orryxian's humility a stranger fit on the Orryxian than if she were wear a day's worth of dirt and speak in Shyriiwook. Of course, the flattery hid the medicine, or the poison depending on point of view. Akasha gave her Syragori counterpart more to think about than she was prepared to deal with.

If Abarai Loki was wrong, then who was right?

"I'm not the one who can answerr that. Maybe Masterr Larran can."

[Akasha Khan]

"Hopefully she can," Akasha replied, in an equally low voice. For a moment she found herself pining for Tionne's own brand of chaotic but pragmatic wisdom, on this and on many other things. But she chased those sentiments away in the very next moment as she might scatter a flock of birds from a field. She could stand on her own.

"You're fortunate to have someone like her to talk to. I've had to try and figure these things out on my own."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Akasha alluded to her absentee master. Draiya only knew of Knight Thanewulf in passing reference from the Orryxian's own mouth. She'd gone on an extended mission far from Ossus. That it had been some time since she'd checked in was worrying.

"Have you thought about petitioning the Council forr a new masterr, Akasha?"

Though the Orryxian Padawan was indeed advanced in her courses, what was becoming painfully obvious to Draiya was that one could find themselves of passing marks and yet being thoroughly ill-equipped to make the next step. In this, the Syragori girl was fortunate indeed.

[Akasha Khan]

"The Council's spoken to me, actually," Akasha replied. "I've had some lessons with Master Wei in the meantime. But..."

She averted her gaze, flattened her ears. Her agitation was as plain as the curling tip of her tail.

"I don't want just more training. I want to be tested. I want a challenge that's going to mean something. Sometimes a master's approval doesn't mean as much as your own."

Akasha slid off her stool and moved for the door. "Don't stay in here too long, will you? I don't want you complaining you're rusty when I beat you next time."

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Akasha's parting words were an appeal back to pride. It was still there inside her. Acknowledging the danger inherent didn't shear it away from her soul. Draiya yearned to compete, and to find herself in the crucible, whether it meant to face others, or as Akasha alluded - herself.

The Syragori girl was left wondering about her path, still as many questions as when she'd woke up. Perhaps many more than then. Wasn't it good in and of itself to ask them? Or was that useless self congratulation? Did the journey mean more than the result? One thing was certain among a field of the uncertain.

"I don't intend on staying herre forr long."

Draiya drew her covers close as she watched Akasha leave. The sooner she faced the challenges ahead of her, the better.