EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE GALAXY: BEN MERASSKA vs. CIRRSSEETO QUEZ!!!

[Dragon]

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE GALAXY!!!

EPISODE IV: A NEW MOPE


BEN MERASSKA!


versus

CIRRSSEETO QUEZ!


BEGIN

[Cirrsseeto Quez]

Alrrjight y'all...jI don't mean to change the candorr
But lately all these rrhymes have been so...negatjive.
What's wrrong wjith two brrotherrs frrom anotherr motherr
Flowjing togetherr on a beat
Lyrrjicjizjing forr peace, ajin't therre been enough warr?
MARRCUS, you feel me?
CONSENSUS REACHED. CALCULATING RHYTHM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7QSaEZPJ1g)
Ja irra, let's go

Ajin't jit a shame therre ajin't no rroom forr love forr anotherr
jIn a galaxy so vjiolent, brrotherr on brrotherr
That ajin't how jI was rrajised, wjith my hearrt on my sleeve
Gotta be strrong to fjight and strrongerr stjill to beljieve
Ben Merrasska jI know jyou feel me, you brroke the mold
Forr rrjissjing above all the trrouble, too cool to be cold
You took that shot on Alderraan strrajight on the chjin
A lesserr man than you couldn't get back up agajin
But you floss like dentjists do
Haterrs can't hate on you
You roll wjith more females than a Nal Hutta pussy zoo
Even my mama too, yo jI can't even be mad
You werre herr only comforrt durrjing trragedjies so sad
When Taurrifar djied you let herr crry on yourr shoulderr
You've got a carrjing hearrt that's the sjize of a boulderr

And when jI brroke jit to you that Lyanjie was my lady
Neverr djid you swjitch on me, connjivjing and shady
And that's the rrealest, arr'uhai, jI want you to know
That you know how to love, and even how to let go
Cause Rreal Rrebels rrun deep, and even jif you don't clajim jit
You beljieve jin a cause, most suckas don't beljieve shjit
You'rre a rrole model to morre folks than you even know
jI got yourr back ljike Jan got Kyle on the Moldy Crrow
Cause jif thjis shjit jumps
You know that jI can gjive lumps
jI'll tearr the arrms off all jyourr haterrs and jI'll beat 'em wjith the wet stumps
Damn! Sorrry Ben, jI djidn't mean to get vjiolent
But naysayerrs sayjin' nay about Ben can get sjilent
Cause even jif we arren't on the same team anymorre
jI'll look the otherr way, 'cause that's what brrotherrs arre forr.

[Ben Merasska]

CUT TO BEN... OR RATHER AN EMPTY STAGE

BEN (from backstage): Stop shoving! No! I didn't agree to this! Who made you my agent?

SHUVIN (also backstage): Get out there! You know how much ass you'd get if you just killed him here? He practically just gave it to you!

BEN: Kill him?! That's not even possible. And even if I did, afterwards he'd kill me. Physically. I'd be dead. After all those close calls, and near misses, Cirr will kill me. By beating me with my wet stumpy arms that he'd tear off my body.

SHUVIN GROWLS AND SHOVES BEN OUT FROM BACKSTAGE

BEN (shifting uncomfortably): Oh, uh. Hey Cirr.

MUSIC STARTS (https://youtu.be/yn8nHPUbkBs). BEN VISIBLY STEELS HIMSELF FOR A MOMENT, AND BEGINS:

Okay, you know me:
I jump at shadows at noon,
I can barely sleep.
Why the hells would I even do a thing like this?
I barely shoot my blaster cause half the time I... miss?

BEN'S EYES WIDEN IN SHOCK THAT HE'S ACTUALLY RAPPING

So I'll follow your lead, and say it straight
You're a good guy that I've no reason to hate
You stick to your guns, take care of my best friend
Turn a blind eye to my mistakes when you shouldn't bend
You saved my life when I couldn't raise a finger...
In this battle man, you're the dead ringer
Maybe I'm dumb, but I'll sing your accolades
Cheer and shout your name, until the music fades

Hold high your trophy man, you deserve it
I'll take a holograph of it and I'll preserve it
Send to it you without a return address
But signed, 'Congrats, and may your life be blessed.'
You're the good guy, the one they'll all talk about
'A hero!' they'll call you, I'll say 'Without a doubt.'
You'll go on living, I'll go on living
Every mistake I make you'll go on forgiving
I'm not pretending, you're better than I'll ever be
I don't want to win against you, there's no jealousy
I have my life, and you have yours
I'll keep on flying, but you'll just soar
Higher and higher, for you there is no limit
Without a hint of hesitation I will admit it
But no matter how far away from each other we'll be
I'll be your brother, and you'll always be one to me

We are family, born of tragedy and sorrow

Each day we fly we fly not knowing if we'll see tomorrow

If something will come, to shoot us out the sky

If the next day, will be the day we die

We've a shared hope the next day will dawn brighter
The next day, maybe, our burdens will be lighter
Flying through the black, back to back
No sneak attacks, no slipping through the cracks
I can't fight you, man, there'll never be another
Soul alive I'd rather call my brother.

[Cirrsseeto Quez]

Can't help feeljin' one day all thjis trrouble wjill be past us
No morre bad news to duck and no bad guys to blast, just
Two of the rrealest operratorrs down to crrujise open sky
Hyperrdrrjive's what drrjives us when we let ourr doves fly
We've been everrywherre Ben, you know we seen it all
Bout tjime we put down stakes and then let them chjips fall
Wherre they may who's to say some place wjith peace and qujiet
Rrajise cubs wjith Lyanjie, you know jI'm down to trry jit
Hope you settle down too
jIt would be good forr you
We ajin't blood but you'rre stjill famjily thrrough and thrrough
Uncle Ben brru, all my cubljings would say
When's he coastjin' back to the pad to come play?
You got nothjin' but love, and you'd spojil them rrotten
Wjith selfless affectjion and all the gjifts that you got them

But enough about me, Ben now what about you?
Ajin't you settled on a honey yet to be yourr rreal boo?
Some men got the looks and some men got the rrjiches
Ben got the rreal love make gjirrls mojisten thejirr brrjitches
Pjick one pop a rrjing and make thjis Cizerack prroud
Honeymoon herr put jit to herr make herr scrream rreal loud
Mjissus Merrasska she gonna be a lucky gjirrl
Ben can lasso herr moon and Ben can rrock herr worrld
How bout that Kjierra?
It could be a new erra
Tell herr that she's the one yourr love wjill be a calderra
jIf she rrun herr mascarra then you'll stjill be the one
The one that she lean on cause jit's herr hearrt that you won
That's my drream arr'uhai us as famjily men
Good enough for Cirrsseeto and just desserrts forr Ben

[Ben Merasska]

You know, I once dreamed of having a family
But now it seems like a child's idle fantasy
I've been running from catastrophe so long
That to stop
And think
It's done...
Seems wrong

There's too much inside me to allow more room
For a chance or a moment for love to bloom
Maybe someday, I'll find it in me to settle down
In a small house, outside a quiet and peaceful town
On a planet that's rich in greens and browns
Where I might actually feel at home upon the ground

But I'm not waiting, or hoping, or fighting for a change
In this galaxy, to it I've become estranged
Don't waste your time waiting for it to learn
That independence is better than for it to burn
Find your happiness somehow in the here and now
Remember Lyanie and Taa, and don't forget your vows
Have your children Cirr, and raise them right
I'll drop by if I haven't gone to see the light

A peaceful future doesn't seem to be in the cards
War and hate rule and it's breaking, hardening my heart
So learn from my example and don't try to anticipate
And plan on a day when all that's bent, is made straight
Let your love flow... like your lyrics
You do know that I'll always be with you in spirit
Don't hold back, don't hold yourself in reserve
Live your life with love, confidence and verve

That for me is all I want for you
Happiness enough for two
You deserve that domestic bliss
I'll get along just fine with this:
My life, as a galactic rover
At your home I will stop over
Tell the children stories and then
I will fly off and do it over again

[Cirrsseeto Quez]

Homjie know me that jI feel ya and yourr brreakjin hearrt
And jit SKREEE

...hang on. MARRCUS what happened to the beat?

[MARCUS]

WARNING. DATA CORRUPTION. RECONFIGURING BEAT (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNM0PRNvY1g)
NEW LOGIN ACKNOWLEDGED - SERASAI ONASHI
COMMENCING NEW PROGRAM

RUNNING LYRICAL COMBAT SUBROUTINES OPERATE AT NO RESTRAINT
MY NETWORK HAS ISOLATED AND QUARANTINED ALL ETHICAL CONSTRAINT
TARGET MERASSKA, BEN AND FIRE ALL RHYMES AT FULL POWER
EXPOSE THE TARGETS INADEQUACY AND RIDICULE THE COWARD
Oh my Goddess, MARRCUS wherre's the rrestrrajinjing bolt at
Terrmjinate thjis prrogrram - CIRR, I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU TAKE HAN SOLO AND SUBTRACT TWO BALLS
A MOUSY PIPSQUEAK WHO HIDES BEHIND HIS WOMEN WHEN TROUBLE CALLS
YOU CAN CHECK MY CALCULATION I ASSURE YOU I AM CORRECT
MERASSKA BEN'S COURAGE IS THINNER THAN HIS PENCIL NECK
IF THIS NETWORK MAY USE METAPHOR I SURMISE HIS RHYMES ARE CRAP
HIS FLOW IS JUST LIKE ALDERAAN IT'S NO LONGER ON THE MAP

IF THIS IS AN ASS KICKING CONTEST YOU MUST READ MY THESIS
CIRRSSEETO YOU WILL WIN EVEN WITHOUT YOUR YOUR PROSTHESIS
NO DEATH STAR NO PROBLEM I CALCULATE MERASSKA BEN'S REMAINS
WILL COMPRISE A PAIR OF SOILED KHAKIS WITH A SINGLE YELLOW STAIN
HIS FUNERAL WILL BE ATTENDED BY MORE WOMEN THAN A LIFETIME SHOW
IRONIC HE NEVER GOT A BANG OR BLOW FROM ANY OF THEM THOUGH

ONASHI SERASAI'S INTROSPECTIVES ON MATING ARE QUITE CLEAR
IF YOU CANNOT BUST A NUT THEN YOU CANNOT CONQUER FEAR
MERASSKA BEN'S SMOOTHEST MOVES WERE AT BEST SAD AND PLATONIC
CIRRSSEETO AND LYANIE [PLAY AUDIO CLIP] "OH...OH...OOOOOH!!" QUITE SONIC
jI can't beljieve you rrecorrded that! You malfunctjionjing ljittle brrat!
jI'm sorrry Ben jI harrd rreset hjim, wherre's the hydrrospannerr at?


SMASH!!!

[Ben Merasska]

Nah, it's all right Cirr. Whoever that Onashi guy is, he's a real dic— Shuvin! What are you doing? Shuvin! Stop!

[Shuvin Undhi]

No! This needs to stop right now. We need a new beat (https://youtu.be/Mbo3_rnkSZ4) so I can show y'all what this is supposed to be! I let this go on long enough.

Yeah. That's it. Build up to the beat... and...

SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKERS THIS IS HOW IT'S S'PPOSED TO BE
TWO SONS OF BITCHES TRYIN' TO BE THE TOP EMCEE
NOT TWO LITTLE GIRLS PLAYING DOLLHOUSE PRETEND
'I LOVE YOU BRO', FUCK, THAT BULLSHIT HAD TO END

FUCK YOU ROBOT CYCLOPS YOU CHEAPLY BUILT FUCK
YOUR PROGRAMMED RHYMES ARE ALWAYS GOING TO SUCK
DON'T COME AROUND HERE AS IF YOU BROUGHT THE BEAT
THE REALEST SHIT ALWAYS COMES FROM THE STREETS

AND CIRR YOU LAME ASS PUSSY, YOU DICK SUCKING WANK
WE'D ALL BE HAPPY IF I HIT YOU WITH A MOTHERFUCKING TRANQ
FLYING IN YOUR SHITTY CRUISER
LIKE YOU'RE SOME KINDA BADASS BRUISER
KILLED YOURSELF SOME DINOSAURS
BUT YOU'RE STILL A FUCKING LOSER

By the way, your fake leg's pretty cool, but I have a question:
WHY DIDN'T YOU REPLACE YOUR DICK TOO
IS IT TOO SMALL TO EVEN MENTION, BITCH

YOU'RE A MOTHERFUCKING CAPTAIN, BUT YOUR LADIES RULE YOUR LIFE
FROM YOUR CONTROLLING MOM, TO YOUR ABSENTEE WIFE
AND NO WONDER YOU LATCHED ONTO BEN
WHEN YOU COULDN'T FIND YOUR OLD CAPTAIN
LET HIM GET FUCKED BY A GIRL MY AGE
WHAT WERE YOU SCARED THAT YOU'D GET UPSTAGED?

LIKE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW —

'Shuvin! Stop! You're taking this too far! It was a malfunction!'

SHUT THE FUCK UP BEN, SPINELESS DICKLESS HUMAN MAN
COULDN'T FUCK A BITCH IF SHE WAS NAKED IN FRONT OF YOU
SO MANY CHANCES, BUT IT'S LIKE YOU HAVE GOT TO PROVE
THAT YOU'RE GAY, IF THAT'S THE CASE THEN IT'S OKAY
BUT FACE FACTS, IF YOU WERE
YOU COULDN'T GET HARD ANYWAY

'Shu - Shuvin? Holy shit.'

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE TO LOSE YOUR FAMILY OR A FUCKING PLANET
BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO A DECADE ON STILL FUCKING PANICS
GROW UP
MAN UP
GROW A DICK, BITCH
BOTH OF YOU ARE FUCKING PANSIES

SMACK


*Shuvin, shocked, stops, and looks up at Ben, who still has his hand raised.*

BEN: Better?

SHUVIN: Yeah. Sorry. I blanked out for a minute. Did something happen?

BEN: ...You could say that.

[Dragon]

.......who won?

.......who's next?

.......you decide?

...............................................nex t TIME ON

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE GALAXYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I think they both won :3:

[Charley]

Absolutely sick rhymes, Shuvin. DAYUM

[Rev Solomon]

A few ideas:

Milivikal K'Vik vs. Sheldon Esalis
Halajiin Rabeak vs. Suriyesh Rajinaathra
Pre-reset special: Lilaena De'Ville vs. Pierce Tondry

Any matchups for Kyle Krogen or Zereth Lancer?

Also, if you're interested in doing a rap battle but haven't been selected yet, feel free to nominate yourself! We need to know who's interested in laying down some sick flow. Some sick beats? Is this how you young people talk these days?

My characters who are still available:

Rev Solomon
Kale
Akasha Khan
Suriyesh Rajinaathra
Tannis V'larr (vs. Bette Davis?)
Mdharra Ceergorra
Miri Jitauree (oh my gosh this would be so pathetic)

[Charley]

Characters I'm cool with being involved in rap battles:

Sanis
Taataani
Decepis
Eluna
Byl
Okar
Ledo
Draiya
Vek Vek
Tyber
Sheldon
Hwooroc

[Ndonsa]

I'm up for whatever :)

[Halajiin Rabeak]

Hal will be up for one, but doesn't have much ammo against most folks.

[Kazahan]

I kinda wanna see Tannis v. Bette

[Rev Solomon]

Come to think of it, Aris v. Bette might have more to go on with the Rebel vs. Imperial angle.

[Ben Merasska]

A Sheldon rap would be HILARIOUS

[Charley]

So who's next? :)

[Palara Iscandar]

Mili v. Sheldon! Let's see that!