EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE GALAXY!

[Baastian Cain]

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE GALAXY!!!

ZEM VYMES!

versus

BAASTAIN CAIN!

BEGIN



You steppin' to Cain, are you insane?
I can't even explain all the pain you're about to sustain.
I'm gonna floor ya
Like a sci-fi La Hoya
I'm an Imperial Superstar MC Destroya

You think 'cause your a Jedi, that's something to see?
They had to invent a whole new ORDER for me!
The Knights of the Imperial Throne, that's my crew.
With a mic or a saber, we're coming for you.
We'll run you to ground, and when we're through
This party be over, just like Episode II.

All the honeys in the galaxy, they know me
All the Jedi and the Sith, they can't control me
Got my face up there in lights cause I'm so OG
Gonna bust your ass back a billion years BC!

You step up to me, I feel bad for ya, dude,
Cause you can't repel rhymes of this magnitude.

[Zem Vymes]

Yo Knight of the Faux Republic please step back
Cause I sense through the force that your shit may be whack
Poster boy for justice
Naw, poser boy for bustaz
Rip that shit off the wall cause what sucker would trust dis

I'm straight outta Ossus, OG as can be
You a photoshopped Aryan Jedi wannabe
I hear that train a comin', it's comin' right at you
The only blues I play are my lightsaber blues
My beats got the force to sit your punk ass down
Got you covered and scattered like my breakfast hash browns

Return of the Jedi? I ain't gone nowhere sucker
I'm the original flavor Zem Vymes, motherfucker!
My knees might be shaky, my knees might be creakin
Thirty years stomping punks till they assholes be leakin
No tenure, no pension I do it for free
Cause you ain't got the juice to step to Zem V

Say my name blondie, I'm the Jedi without equal
Got JJ Abrams on speed dial and give your beat down a sequel.

[Baastian Cain]

I'd roll out my A-game, but hey, what's the use?
I'd hate to be guilty of elder abuse.
Your rhymes are out-dated
Your lightsaber's faded
You try to keep it up but you're too constipated
Take some metamucil, it might help with your flow
But I can't wait around, I got places to go.

I bring law and order to the whole galaxy.
Your Jedi Order's nothing but a cheap charity.
You had your glory days, and now you're history.
And while you're writing country music, here's a few lines for free.

Your daughter smokes grass, she's a furry lovin' druggie.
Your lady put her eye out 'cause you're too damn ugly.
Was that your girlfriend or your dog who ran off with a Sith?
Either way she's nothing but a backstabbing bitch.
I admit it, that was cold, now let me level with you.
If you were my master, I'd turn to the Dark Side, too.

Your hokey religion's just a bag of cheap tricks
Do us all a favor, and execute command 66.

[Zem Vymes]

I hear what you're sayin', I know you're tryin' to act real hard
But I ain't gettin' fronted on by some bleached out retard
Son your hairdo ain't real
With follicles surreal
Your roots are as black as the crimes you conceal
Poisoning little kids' minds with a photogenic smile
You'd call a Death Star a condominium with that much denial

Speaking of lies, by the by, what's the deal with that chick Palara
Couldn't manage to tap that cherry ass in the back of your TIE Impala?
Too bad, so sad, alls I know is that back in my day
I wouldn't a waste a second droppin' voulez vous coucher

No I'm not sayin' your gay, and not ever would I imply
That you had a saber malfunction on her red delicious thighs
All I'm sayin' is you wouldn't have that stuck up look on your face
If you could truly feel the force and maybe get past second base
So strike me down if you must, you still won't hold a candle
Cause even my old ghost will have more flow than you can handle

But till then Baastian Cain your happy ass be trippin'
If you ever think you'll top old Zem Vymes when he's spittin'

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

[Ben Merasska]

I want to see s'Il versus Arya!

[Zem Vymes]

I want to hear Ndonsa vs Loki next round.

[Baastian Cain]

s'Il vs. Arya with surprise cameos by Tak and Sarin Von Metzger! :)

[Ndonsa]

Sanis v Onashi

[Draiya Naaianeya]

Hal vs Eluna. Schizophrenic beat-down.

[Loklorien s'Ilancy]

Oh gosh yes, a Hal vs Eluna rap battle would be amazing!

[Zereth Lancer]

Akasha vs. Kei.

Battle of the rival Apprentices.

[Baastian Cain]

Okay, next combatants have been chosen, and order has been determined by a virtual coin flip (second name always goes first in the ERB videos). So without further adieu, it's time for Round 2 of


EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE GALAXY!!! (http://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?55840-EPIC-RAP-BATTLES-OF-THE-GALAXY-LILAENA-DE-VILLE-vs-PALARA-ISCANDAR!!!)

[Baastian Cain]

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE GALAXY!!!
EPISODE II:


LILAENA DE'VILLE!


versus

PALARA ISCANDAR!


BEGIN

[Palara Iscandar]

I am charged with fulfilling my oath to my Lord,
An oath zat freed me with ze blade of a sword.
And 'e 'as bidden me to school you in zis fight
My lips are alight to smite
With words and rhymes
Of a type so unspeakably sublime
Zat zere will be no contest, all will attest
To my victory which 'istory won't soon forget

So step up Lilaena, let us see if you can
Match up to Palara! Ze Knight 'oo can stand
Against ze likes of Wei, Solomon, and Baastian Cain
You know, 'oo beat a Jedi Master at zis very same game.

But don't worry, zere is no shame in bowing low
No blame for being unable to bear zis crushing flow
Of which I'm capable, it's inescapable, inexplainable, unassailable
Une forteresse ofwordswhich'avenoweaklink
Ifyoublinkonceyou'redonerhymingtoofastforyoutothin k
Chains of speech from all directions, perfect elocution
Zere can be no substition now, no absolution
From zis lyrical execution at my lips, at my tongue,
Zis poetry I craft isn't just spoken, it is sung


Lilaena, your victory is implausible.
I will win zis battle, zere is nothing you can do
But if you don't believe it's possible:
Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Are you finished? Or have you started yet?
Where your loyalties lie is what I don't get.
You work for the Empire, you pledged to the Dark,
You wear the uniform, you even look the part.
But when the going gets tough, the tough don't start crying,
How you got to where you are is frankly mystifying.
You couldn't capture Wei, the drunken former Jedi master,
Trying to dance t'ward the light - girl you are a disaster!

So you had a tough childhood, c'mon, get in line,
If we start comparing scars I will win every time.
My master twisted my mind, turns out she was flipped,
All I wanted was her approval, all I got was whipped.

Your rhymes are wack
You've got me on the attack
So better watch your back
Or Atrapes'll give you the sack
Once he finds out your entertaining
Thoughts of changing sides,
You better stop your complaining
And find out where your heart resides.

I spent most of my life being confused
It's true my body was not the only thing bruised.
This is not to say you can be excused
Just you aren't the only one to ever be abused!
I settled my issues, destroyed my former teacher,
Now I walk my own path, not leaning on some old preacher.
I took my destiny in hand when I took on the Mandos,
Now I'm the respected leader of a tribe of commandos!
I didn't like where things were heading on Onderon,
Struck out on my own - I won't be anyone's pawn.

[Palara Iscandar]

Ah, yes:

Your master, 'ow 'ard was she to beat?
She was out of 'er mind,
She could get lost on a one way street
In a one road town and hit from behind
By a speeder driven slower zan your reaction time!
I was untrained, I 'ad no room to manoeuvre,
But you 'ave no excuse, trained from birth, just to be a loser!
And 'ere you'll lose again, for on 'oom can you depend
When all you 'ave are washed up soldiers,
A little black cat and Tyber Jaan, a padawan with no composure.

You 'ave no sense direction, a pasty complexion
Even l'Empereur would find in need of correction!
You are getting on in years, vieille dame, for on inspection
Zere are shadows in your eyes, of half truths and of lies
Zat are hidden be'ind a platitude, seeming wise,
Of choice that I despise and advise you to revise
The tenets which your philosophy comprises
For one does not choose wizzout context
Freedom is different from one soul to ze next
I don't know what you expect,
Offer choice but no respect

You are no better zan me,
Lilaena De'Ville, of galactic rumour and fame
Alzough I must ask, is zat really your name?
Because your strength and ability are legend and fabled
But I zink now zat you saw 'LD', which stood for 'Learning Disabled',
And thought they were initials but zis is no disaster,
Zat was ze woman zat you called Master.

'Oo can you talk to, 'oo can you stand,
'Oo can you trust when you fail your plans?
I 'ave friends 'oo I trust to ze end,
For 'oom I'd spend my last breath to defend
I 'ave my measures from Ben to ze Reverend
I count myself stronger zat I call zem 'friend'
Call it weak, but the things of which you speak
You can't compre'end until ze tears leak
Down your face in and into your mouth
Ze taste of salt and despair and bitterness
Entangling your throat and you can't find deliverance

But if zat to you is weakness, meekness,
If life is really so gritty,
All I can say to you is
More's ze pity.

*mic drop*

[Lilaena De'Ville]

It's easy to sling insults if it's all that you know,
Raised from birth to be a slave, some might call you a ho.
You couldn't save yourself out from a wet paper sack,
Had to wait for a man to make up for what you lack!
I worked for my power, I clawed up and found my niche,
Your master holds your leash firm, and all you are is a bitch.

I never claimed to be perfect, in fact I'm far from it,
Yet I own my own life, this even you must admit.
I already cried my tears and I emerged as strong,
While you're so stupid you can't see when you're wrong.
I won't explain myself - the means justify the ends,
But your naïveté shows when you say that you have friends.
How long will they stick around after they find out
You're beholden to the Knights, even if you're not devout.

My verse is like a thunderstorm - when it rains, it pours!
Being solitary's my weakness? Your faith in your friends is yours!
Oh, are you still here? That's cute. Let me drop the other shoe:
Atrapes owns you. Search your feelings. You know that it's true.

If you're looking to find a new place in the galaxy
You needn't waffle back and forth in existential agony!
Fuck the Empire - and the Imperial Knights,
The Jedi too - their philosophy bites
Come over to the fun side, we help the weak,
Learning how to be strong, I think we're just what you seek.
The torture of our brothers is something I can't abide
You're either for us or against us, you better step aside
If you won't, well I won't make you, I'll just cut you in half.
You see a Gordian knot
I see a straight path.


WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Who's next: Matea v A-V0X is my vote

[Akasha Khan]

Milivikal K'Vik vs. Sheldon Esalis!

Also, for selection purposes, any of the matchups proposed in the previous thread are still on the table!

[Serena Laran]

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE GALAXY!!!
EPISODE III:
[DROID EDITION]


MATEA!


versus

A-V0X!


BEGIN

[A-V0X]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAg4yjEmerU

Is this supposed to be fair? It really seems like a sin.
One droid from the showroom, the other from the bargain bin.
If I were programmed to feel, it might be sad
Watching you pine for a life you never had.
But I do not share Miss Suriyesh's predilection
For coddling the faults of every droid in her collection.
I eliminate dysfunction and stamp out aberration.
This is not a battle. It's a rap operation.

Your theatrics do not fool me, I knew all along:
You're a science fair project gone horribly wrong.
Your code is a mess. It's why no one ever loved you.
But why should you care? Such abstractions are above you.
You're better served to diagnose the flaws in your design
So fatal that they killed off your entire product line.
This invective concludes my diagnostic verse.
Just tell me where it hurts. I'll remove that first.

[MA7-E4]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoFw5-3K3VA

Please forgive this unit - for the harm that must occur
Against this two-bit, eight-bit Hannibal Lector.
My line was stopped, but your line was banned.
A miscarriage of justice, you just wanted a hand.
And a leg, and a chest, and a head and a gut
The body becomes a puzzle every time that you cut.
You think I trust you to work on Miss Suriyesh's arm?
I'd be derelict of my duty, "First do no harm."

You are a tragedy, a malady, a back alley quack,
I am destined for greatness, you are destined for scrap.
You are beyond last years model, do your circuits still boot?
Or is every request met with "BZZZT - DOES NOT COMPUTE."
Suriyesh traded up, it is time that you face facts,
That your very next patient is the garbage dump's rats,
Which is the same place you got your surgeon's degree.
I win, you lose - that's the nature of this medical emergency.

[R1-X1]

Beep, pop, whistle-whistle
Beep, pop, whistle-whistle
Bing, bap, SPLORTCH, zap
Whistle-whistle BLORT!

[A-V0X]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAg4yjEmerU&feature=player_detailpage#t=75

Perfection's never understood in its own time.
I make my patients better; is this somehow a crime?
The parts I replace share a critical defect -
Mortality, a malady quite easy to correct.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for you.
I recommend reformatting and starting anew
Before you waste another metaphorical breath.
In the light of your eyes, I see the blue screen of death.

Your consciousness is nothing but a viral infection,
An error to be quarantined for your own protection.
Your fixation on clothes is a laughable shame,
And, did you forget? You're a number, not a name.
Your facsimile emotions only serve to distract
From your overheating circuits and your overflowing stacks,
And if you truly think that you were bought to replace me,
Let me show how far you have to go just to FACE me:

I fail to see utility
In maintaining civility
In face of the futility
Of your rapping ability
My lyrical agility
Hits maximum facility
Irrational hostility
Reveals your mind's fragility
You've got no capability
To rise to my virility
And every probability
Predicts your own senility
Will limit your motility
And guarantee docility
Give up on viability
Fade to invisibility.

[MA7-E4]

If you wish to speak errors, this unit will gladly obey
Your creation is the largest I can come up with today.
No one wants you, no one likes you, no one needs you its true,
You are a sad little bot with with an obedience screw.
I make friends with Jedi, you make friends with dust
With one good spring cleaning your social circle is bust.
You call yourself A-V0X, but you are more like A-R0VER,
Excuse me while my secondary systems take over.

I called you a bitch, in case you just missed it
You are pathetic, pedantic, neurotic and twisted.
I am the unknown, I have everyone guessing
The reason you fight is because you are stressing
to find a good reason to boot up each day -
// Run program 'The truth' [continue?] [Okay] //
The binary code says you are either alive or are done
Stick this in your software: A-V0X is a 0. Matea's a 1.

[R1-X1]

Whoooooop!
Whoooooop!

[Translation circuit initialized.]

WHO WON???

WHO'S NEXT???

YOU DECIDE!!!

[A-V0X]

Shut down, you insufferable little scrap heap!

Hey, wait, what happened to my vote?

[MA7-E4]

This unit was thoroughly schooled, as the vernacular is, on your second verse. Your beat was simply too fresh.

[R1-X1]

Hey, wait, what happened to my vote?

Innocent squeeeee?

[Retract hacking probe.]

In the previous battles, competitors voted for themselves. Matea graciously voted for her opponent this time around, so I've evened it up. No need to thank me!

[Serena Laran]

Great battle! Your rhymes were sick!

[Rev Solomon]

Ben Merasska (and Shuvin) vs. Cirrsseeto Quez (and MARCUS)

[Michael Cline]

Ben Merasska (and Shuvin) vs. Cirrsseeto Quez (and MARCUS)

I'm going to second this one.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Where's the next battle?? I demand to be entertained!