Family Tradition

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Teagan s'Ilancy sat alone in her room.

It was a small room, tucked away in the Padawan dormitory and utterly the same as most all of the rooms that made up the living quarters of the Jedi's younger generation. She had a bed, a small study desk with a chair, and a nightstand. It was all plain and the same furniture that was in every room, but the young Lupine had taken some pains to make her living arrangement a little bit different. There were small trinkets here and there; mementos of a life that was long gone, now. She'd even managed to find herself a small bookcase, which she had placed her small collection of books upon. There was a closet, but it was small and only held the small amount of clothing that she possessed. Which, aside from the traditional attire of Jedi was not much. A few pairs of pants and some old shirts that she barely fit into anymore. Well, truth was that she didn't at all fit into them anymore, but they'd been presents from Sanis so long ago, and she was loathe to get rid of them.

It was such a different life that she now led. Everything had changed, and while she wasn't so sure that it was for the better, she hoped it was at least only temporary. That whenever her mother was finished doing what she needed to do for the Alliance, she'd come back.

Cross-legged on her bed, Teagan held a small book in her lap, furiously writing on the empty pages within. Before her was one of a few holo cubes that she'd managed to keep with her; this one showed a small still image of her Dama, smiling and reaching for the camera. Captured for all time, it was a face that the girl missed so much. It glowed a translucent blue, and every so often she paused in her writing to look at it. She would stare, her mind working quietly and at a steady pace, then she went back to writing.

[Zem Vymes]

Zem had brought sandwiches.

It had been no small feat. He'd had to deal with the maniacal Chiss despot at the camp deli. He'd followed every asinine direction fellow deli veterans had imparted to him and he still felt those glowing red eyes weighing heavily on his every move. Still, if you want things done right, you don't do them in half measure. The paper bag glistened at a few seams and corners, greasy harbingers of joy within. A few padawans' doors opened as youngsters' heads popped out like so many dianogas at the wonderful lingering smell that passed. "No fair" whimpered Drax. The put-upon Rodian sulked as he closed his door in jealous disgust.

knock knock knock

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Her head snapped up at the unexpected sound, and she went completely still. A few moments later, and her hand went out to shut down the holo. She didn't get off the bed though. No one knocked on her door. Ever. It was such a foreign sound that the young Lupine scrunched up her nose at the equally strange scent that was now just filtering in through the cracks in the door.

It was an almost overpowering smell, and for the first time she was reminded that she'd not yet eaten. Her stomach growled just a little bit, but she quelled the sudden hunger. Confusion caused her brow to furrow, and she finally found her voice, raising it so that whoever was on the other side could hear.

"Who is it?"

[Zem Vymes]

"Free lunch."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

She knew that voice.

Another few moments of confusion, and she slowly slid from her bed. The journal and the shut-down holo imager left atop the comforter, Teagan padded on bare feet to the door. The smell only got stronger, and she frowned. She reached out, opening the door with a push of a panel button. Blinking up at Zem's face, the girl let her eyes travel down to the bag he held. The perplexed downturn of her lips only deepened, and her gaze swept back up.

"I haven't skipped any classes in a week," she started in cautious defense.

[Zem Vymes]

The look he gave the younger s'Ilancy was an implied mm-hmm.

"I can read your mind." Zem gravelled, a deadpan challenge to any possibility that her plea was insincere.

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Gods but whatever was in that bag smelled good.

Though, she wasn't about to let the challenge go unanswered. Teagan folded her arms over her chest.

"Then read it."

[Zem Vymes]

His brows raised in unison.

"You and that Staedtler boy did what now?"

A bluff. A statistically-sound bluff nevertheless. Zem shook the bag.

"You gonna let me in before this gets cold or not?"

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Her expression melted, and she gave him a look of sudden horror.

"That's not... "

Fair? Teagan held the last word back, choosing to bite it out of existence rather than speak it aloud. Instead, she huffed out a breath, stepped back, and gestured for him to enter.

"Fine, come in. I was just... " she moved quickly to the bed, snapping shut the journal and scooping both it and the imager up. They were deposited on her desk with a small clatter as she let herself practically fall into the chair. "... doing some writing."

[Zem Vymes]

Irritated at the prospect of a hot meal because of reasons. She was becoming more and more like her mother.

Zem entered the small dorm room, setting the bagged lunch on the desk next to Teagan as he sat on the foot of her bed. He noted the presence of a bookshelf already populated by a small herd of literary treasures. Yeah, just like her mother.

"So you've made your classes and lessons. How do you feel about that?"

Was that her goal? Just showing up?

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

She only gave a shrug while reaching out to gingerly manipulate the bag's folded top edge with a single hand.

"I didn't get lectured, and I didn't have any truant marks against me."

The bag peeled open a bit, and the smell inside intensified as it escaped. Her attention was given fully to what lay nestled within.

" 'Sides... " such a wonderful aroma, and her curiosity was very much getting the better of her.

"... isn't like there's much else to do but run around when no one is looking."

She knew that he knew. After all, he'd been the one to sternly caution her about any future outings without proper supervision. She'd countered with the normal fair, insisting that she would've been ok no matter what, and that she would be able to heal. Ever since the run-in with the Y'sanna, Teagan could tell that he was watching her more closely.

"Anyways. I'm not gonna go and get myself killed, you know."

A single finger from her free hand reached out to pull the bag open wider, and reaching in, the young Lupine grasped one of the two tightly wrapped sandwiches inside, pulling it out. She bit her lip, then half-turned in her seat, holding it out for him to take.

"I can heal just as good as my Mom."

[Zem Vymes]

Zem declined the offer. They were both for her. Besides, he had come here for more than just a chat over lunch.

"Young lady, your mother understood something and it's time to understand it too. This isn't just a lifestyle here. What you're doing, what you're learning. It's to an end. It requires a serious commitment and a serious mind. So far, you haven't showed that commitment."

His face was stern.

"Are you serious about being a Jedi, Teagan? If you haven't faced that question then you need to do it right now."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

She seemed to freeze, her hand still holding out the wrapped sandwhich. His words were firm, and slowly she brought the small meal back to the desk, setting it down gently.

The question he put to her now was one that she'd truthfully never considered. Everything that happened now was just... What was it all? Her mother had left her here, and then gone off. She visited yes, but those times were so few and more often than not never for long enough. The thought made her scowl, and she broke eye contact with him to stare down at the thin carpet.

"I don't know," she finally mumbled.

Sullenly she looked to the side, at the imager. One hand went to slap it on, and she looked at the holo of her mother, still reaching for the camera. A tap of her finger, and the holo changed to one of both her mother and her father, looking so happy as they embraced one another. It was the memory of those two that filled her with so much resentment. Resentment at the lies and falsehoods. Resentment at the farce that her life had once been. And now that reality had come crashing down, she hated it.

Staring at the flickering blue image, the young Lupine gave a sniff.

"I don't like it here."

[Zem Vymes]

"Your mother brought you here for a reason. She saw as I see, the potential within you and your brother. The wellspring."

Zem laced his fingers together as he sat, slightly hunched towards her.

"It was important enough to her that she sent you here. Do you think she wants to spend even a moment away from you? But I'll tell you this. She can't make you become what you don't choose to be. You have something unique. Something that your mother and I did not have. You have a choice."

The Jedi Master called the holocube to himself with the force, turning the image back to the one previous. He smiled, turning it off.

"You can be anything you want to be. What you are is a sum of many wholes. Some of those you control and some you don't. If you leave this place, you'll still be Teagan s'Ilancy. You'll have a brother who will grow up to look up to you and a mother who loves you very much. And I'll still check in on you to have talks like this one we're having now."

He tossed the holocube back to her.

"But if you choose to stay, it costs more. There's no easy paths for a Jedi. What you can do and what you can be, they're guided along a road that's hard to travel. You don't take those steps lightly. I know the kind of young lady you are, and you've never disappointed me. I love you like a daughter. If you stay here and don't give everything you've got to the work demanded of you...I'll be disappointed.

And so will your mother."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Disappointed.

She caught the cube easily enough, but his voice rumbling out that one word made her pause.

It was a word that shook her from her inner simmerings. The young Lupine looked up at him from over the tops of crystal blue eyes. Eyes that were so much like her mother's.

You're not my real dad paraded at the forefront of her thoughts, like some sort of defensive barrier erected, but in the next instant she shut away the terrible thought. It wasn't fair to him, and it wasn't fair to her mother, either. And in that moment she felt shame. Shame for thinking such a thought. Shame for feeling so angry. Shame for every time that she'd brushed away his helping hand.

The food that he'd brought was suddenly forgotten, and Teagan fingered the imager back on. It was set to the picture that she'd originally been looking at; of her mother and a time when things had been so much more joyous. It was a time when she had a family.

Again she looked to Zem with a gaze that was bordering on tearful. Another moment later and she shifted her eyes once more to the holo.

"I know how she feels about you, and how you feel about her."

What her mother had possibly intended, by leaving her here...

"And I know she wants the best for me an' Markos."

As if suddenly her appetite had left, she slid the wrapped sandwich farther away. The holo was switched off before being thrown lightly to the bed, landing on her pillow.

"How am I supposed to choose what I want to do with the rest of my life right now?! I'm just... I don't even have a dad anymore, and my mom is off in space doing... " she made a gesture to the air, "... whatever it is she does!"

Her features screwed up into a pinched expression.

"And now I'm supposed to tell you what I want to do for the rest of my life!?"

And in a fit of frustration, she swiped up her journal and threw it at him.

[Zem Vymes]

The journal paused mere inches from Zem's face, and with a serene gesture he brought it down to his lap.

"Every moment. Every choice. Every step you take. That's for the rest of your life. You only walk the path once. You may stay on it, or you may stray. You may even get lost. But you always walk. You always choose."

Zem rested a hand on her journal, not daring to spill it's secrets as he kept his eyes on her.

"I've told you about the path I walked. I made my choices, and they were sometimes the right ones and sometimes the wrong ones. You let yourself stop walking and get afraid of what that next step brings, and you won't get anywhere. It's alright to be scared, but you damned sure don't let it hold you by your ankles, kid."

He returned the journal to Teagan's expecting hand.

"I've got something for you. More than sandwiches, that is."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Was it the reaction she was expecting?

Well, not really. His patience seemed like some bottomless well that never stopped going down and down and down. She took back the journal, somewhat shocked by her own outburst into silence. She listened quietly to the words that he spoke, biting her lower lip.

"But I'm not old enough for something like that yet," she tried to deflect, even still. It just seemed so rushed.

"The others... they all seem to know what they want, but I just... I just don't."

With her journal in her lap, the young Lupine looked down at the leather cover. It'd been a gift from her mother the last time the elder s'Ilancy had visited. She ran her fingernails over the smooth, tanned surface.

"They've all gone and made their lightsabers, and I don't even know if I care enough that I haven't yet."

She gave a huff, and kept her eyes downcast. She felt so much younger suddenly, lost in a sea of unknowns while mumbling out the words that had such a double meaning now days.

"I'm not my Dama."

[Zem Vymes]

"No, you aren't."

Zem removed something from one of the utility pouches at his belt. A simple box, like the sort that inexpensive jewelry came in. He weighed it in his grasp, turning it over between his fingers as he talked.

"You're as stubborn and hard-headed as she is. You're as smart as she is. You're as compassionate as she is. But you are not her. She walked her own paths and faced her own doubts. She stumbled and fell, and got back up again. The road she walked won't look a thing like the one you stare down. But you know what? You never really walk alone."

A faint little smile etched on his aged face, and he tossed the box to her.

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Catching the little box was easy. It was small and light, and it felt as though it held nothing. Frowning, Teagan held it up, not sure what exactly she was supposed to do with it. The box itself looked banged up and old, like it'd been thrown around on rocks and bounced off of the ground more than a few times.

But she pressed on, and her fingers moved to lever open the small hinged lid. It had a resistance to it that surprised her.

Inside was a thin length of tightly braided blonde hair, curled up into itself like a baby sand snake.

"Wha... "

Blinking up at him, Teagan's brow knit.

"What is this?"

[Zem Vymes]

"In the old times, a Padawan learner would braid their hair in a symbol of their devotion to their studies in the way of the force. It served as a physical reminder, present when the way ahead was perhaps less clear to them."

He could remember well the day he'd stood with her, his blue saber inches from her face as she knelt. She was perhaps one of the last to carry the tradition in that way.

"It belonged to your mother."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

The sudden look of uncertainty that passed over her face was a strong one, and gingerly Teagan set the small box on the desk. She pulled her hands away as if the box had been covered by plague germs.

"That's... "

She turned to look at the Old Jedi.

"You kept her braid."

Her hands folded together and came to rest in her lap. Still she looked at him, but her voice dropped to almost a whisper.

"That's kind of a weird thing to do."

[Zem Vymes]

"Maybe it is at that."

Zem shrugged, a half laugh forming.

"Your mother's the sentimental one. Maybe something of that got passed to me during our travels. Felt right to do so. At any rate, I've kept it with me for a long time. It's served for a reminder to me as well, of my responsibility. There's a power within symbols."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

At the mention of her mother's sentimentality, Teagan had to keep herself from rolling her eyes. Her mother seemed to keep so many things because of... well, because of some reason or another. Instead, the girl only sent a second look to the open box and the braid held within. Slowly she reached out to close the box.

"About all I have are old holos."

Which wasn't entirely the truth, but it was close enough. The girl had managed to get a hold of her father's wedding band and stolen it away along with one of a few of his mementos that'd once been on display in the quarters aboard the Dauntless. These she kept safe, locked away in a small chest, hidden in her closet.

"I don't think I want to collect stuff like my Mom does."

[Zem Vymes]

Like her Dama, and yet different. Zem smiled.

"Then maybe there's something else I can give to you. Something that belonged to your mother, and yet uniquely yours to make your own."

Zem stood, crossing the distance to where Tak sat, and he extended his hand down to her.

"My counsel as your Master."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Staring up at him, Teagan's eyes went wide first, then narrowed as she looked down to his offered hand.

Not really sure what to say, she leaned back a little bit in her chair. It wasn't that she was afraid of him or his offer, but it seemed so... so sudden. It certainly wasn't what she was expecting. Hells, she'd not even thought that she'd have any visitors this day. It was one of the few free days of the week that they had, and usually she spent at least one of them alone in her room for the whole day. Seemed that Master Vymes had other intentions.

"I... "

She had no idea how to answer.

"I should probably ask my Mom first, I think."

It was a stalling tactic, though not a very good one. Even she knew that.

[Zem Vymes]

"If that is what you feel is right."

This was a decision that, ultimately, could only be made by Tak. She could ask questions of him. She could seek her mother's advice. She could metamorph and spend three days in the wilderness, seeking the counsel of solitude. In the end it was her path, and she took the steps down it.

Zem rose, smoothing out his tunic as he did.

"You have one day to think it over."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

"One day?!"

Again the frustration at everything on Ossus flared to life, and she stared up at him in shock.

"But that's hardly any time at all!"

Getting to her feet as well, the girl made a face while looking away to the closed door of her room. Her eyes screwed shut and she let out a long exhale. Was this like how it used to be at the old Jedi Temple? Kids being made to make such big decisions that maybe, just maybe, they shouldn't have been made to make?

She cracked both eyes open, still turned toward the door as she brooded silently and asked the first question that came to her mind.

"Why is it - all of this - so important?"

[Zem Vymes]

He made to leave, pausing at the door to look at her. She was a whirlwind of emotion, not certain which way prevailing winds would carry her. When she learned to harness the wind and make it her own, she could fly.

"Only you can answer that question, Teagan. I'm just here to listen."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

Teagan watched him, her sullen look only deepening.

"What sort of an answer is that," she grumbled out.

"You can't just turn it around on me. If I'm supposed to learn from you, what good is it if you make me try to pull out some magical answer from the air to my own question? What sort of teaching is that?"

She slapped at the back of the chair, hitting it with an open palm and shoving it a small bit as she turned away from him.

"All of this... all of the learning and the meditating and the sparring and the math and the writing and the history and, and... " she faltered then, her thoughts becoming a jumbled up mass of nonsense. But, it was nonsense that perplexed her and drove her into an outsider's life among the people that her mother had wanted her to live with.

The young Lupine angled a narrow, sideways look to him.

"Why. Is it so. Important," she chewed out, repeating her question.

[Zem Vymes]

He paused just shy of the door, turning around again. Amid all the questions and turmoil within her, he still had yet to reach her. Zem sighed, and leaned against the door frame.

"Anything I tell you, it comes from me. My eyes, my perspective. I was taught the Jedi arts when I was young. Far younger than you are now. I never knew any other life until I was sent beyond the cloister of the Academy grounds on my first mission as a Padawan."

Zem returned to where he'd previously been sitting, sighing a bit as his knees popped.

"We were taught to be selfless, to live a life of example and service to others. To give of our time and energies and to not only do this, but represent an ideal. A beacon of light that anyone, no matter where they stood in the galaxy, could simply turn their head and see."

He looked at the wall opposite.

"I held these ideals important. I still do. Through more trial and toil than most ought to endure. The clone wars. The purge. The desperate attempt to right uncountable wrongs. What I did, it was a product of my training and my belief. You know by now, my belief's been tested. I still remain."

Age-creased hands wrung against each other as he talked. His shoulders slumped as he leaned over, elbows on knees.

"I don't know who I would be if I'd been given another path. If I had your choice. I can't answer what you want me to answer. I know you're a good person, Teagan. You're the best of people. You don't train a good heart. You don't conjur it from an empty hole. You have what so many people are born without. What so many other people deserve."

He looked somehow older as he spoke to her, a little more gravel to his voice.

"I want you to do good, Teagan s'Ilancy. In whatever thy hand doeth. I only know my own way to do that."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

She listened quietly, following him with her eyes as he moved back to sit on the edge of her bed. His words were the answer that she'd been looking for; the answer that she had wanted. And truthfully, it was the fact that he had no real answer, only something that was specific to him and his own life. It was what she'd wanted to hear. She wasn't so selfish as to think that he would be able to divine some sort of 'correct' answer. There wasn't one. There were just... well, answers. And even if he spoke of his own experiences, the girl found herself nodding.

"Then it's important to you, because that's what you grew up being taught. And you lived it and it's a part of you."

She could respect that.

"I'd rather have your perspective to help me find what I'm supposed to be looking for, rather than being told to just magic myself an answer out of thin air."

Reaching out to still his hands, Teagan gave him a hand to hold. It was the first time that she'd reached out to him on such a level.

"I don't know what my Mom was like when you taught her, but I need more than just some turn-back inner-searching stuff."

[Zem Vymes]

He met her hands in a respectful embrace. Sometimes, it was important for the learner to teach the teacher, it seemed. Zem's eyes softened.

"You'll have to forgive an old curmudgeon his bad habits, miss."

She wasn't locked in her conflict over the choice anymore. She wanted to listen.

"We'll try our hand at practical magic, I suppose. One day at a time, right?"

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

"I s'ppose."

She moved to sit beside him, suddenly feeling like the little girl she had once been, back on Layla. Back when they all traveled together. He'd once caught her trying to fix his wild mane of bed hair. Now days he seemed so removed from what she remembered of him in those early days. He was so different, but the same person all the same. It seemed that he'd become a fixture in her life; from Layla, to their time together on Cloud City, and now here, on Ossus.

The young Lupine leaned against him, and her eyes went to the still uneaten and very much wrapped sandwiches, and it occurred to her that she hadn't yet shown any gratitude for the gesture.

"Thank you for the food."

[Zem Vymes]

"I seem to remember being a hungry student once. The last thing I'd want to see is you stunting your growth on vacu-noodles."

He clapped a hand over her shoulder. Not her mother. She was going to find her own way.

"Plus, if you're serious about this sort of thing, you're gonna need every bit of it. I'm gonna make you work, you know that?"

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

"I still haven't decided," she interjected while leaning away.

"You said I have a day, remember?"

The girl sighed, and brought her hands together, folding them in her lap. In her mind two choices had begun to form, and she knew that she couldn't have both. It was to be one or the other. Her legs came up then, and she wrapped her arms around her knees, her head dipping so that her chin rested on her chest.

Finally, her voice came out in a muffled mumble.

"I need that day."

[Zem Vymes]

He nodded along with her.

"Alright."

Holding her in an embrace, Zem got off the bed and dropped to a knee in front of her. He smiled.

"Follow the good in your heart, Teagan. As long as you do that, whatever you decide will be the right thing to do."

He stood, heading to the door. She had a long day ahead of her.

"And when you know, I'll be waiting."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

* * *

It had been a day spent mostly in her room as she'd originally planned, but after Master Vymes had left, the girl's thoughts were on anything but what she'd originally intended to do. Three hours after he'd left, she rose from her bed. Still, the food had gone untouched, and pulling on her shoes, the girl left quietly. She escaped from the confines of a room that she never really felt was hers, despite her attempts to make it as so. She made her way through the long hallway, ignoring the few other Padawan's that filtered by on their own ways to wherever. It wasn't long before she'd burst through the main entry doors, out into the late afternoon sun.

It was warm, and she breathed in deeply. So many scents, so many different smells meeting her nose as they all vied for her full attentions. Instead she simply ignored them, filing them away for some other time.

Her stomach growled, but she ignored it. Food was not what she needed now.

Now she needed space. She needed to be alone. She needed to think.

Her head turned to look in the direction that gave her the most unimpeded path necessary to leave the settlement. It was almost a straight line down the main dirt road. She sniffed, and began to walk. Past the medical building. Past the mess hall. Past a few Alliance buildings that'd sprung up. Her gait quickened into a jog, but that soon enough as well sped up, and the girl was sprinting headlong on her way. She could feel a hot tear as it fell from one eye, but she didn't wipe it away. She ran past Zem's tent, her eyes forward. She felt as though the only thing she could see was whatever was in front of her. There was nothing on her sides, and she had no desires to be distracted.

A few people called out to her, but she ignored them just as she had ignored her hungry stomach.

And then... she was out of the Jedi camp.

She ran for all she was worth. Not away from anything, but just... away. She wanted space, and she needed to think.

The choice that she was now faced with was... well, it was not one that she had ever thought she'd have to make.

As she put distance between herself and the camp, the girl finally slowed as she veered off the beaten path. She came to a stop beneath the wide-reaching branches of a tree. Standing, her hand went out, palm resting against the rough bark as her breathing slowly returned to normal. She sank to the ground then, tired after her exertion.



Five minutes passed by, and the gangly, grey-furred vornskr was running. She tore through underbrush and dashed over low shrubs. There was no destination, just the act of running. The act of moving and letting her mind go. Letting her heart cry out.

The beast slowed, then sped back up as she changed directions. She had nowhere to be except for where she wished. And right now, here - running - was where she wished to be.

And so she ran.







The daylight had long since fled, being replaced by a clear, cloudless night with stars twinkling high above like tiny jewels. It was all so beautiful, but the girl, dirt-streaked and exhausted, paid little mind to the display over her head.

She walked quietly towards Master Vymes' tent. She didn't call out. She wouldn't have to.

He had said he would be waiting, and she knew that his word was truth.

[Zem Vymes]

The hour was late, and the moon was high. Zem paused in the midst of his last reports of the day, the artificial lamp in his tent providing just enough light to do work beneath. He felt her approach long before he heard the soft-falling of feet against uneven grass. A simple gesture of the hand, and the tent flaps pulled wide.

"Come sit with me."

He'd brewed caf, and served it in two mismatched cups. Another grease-smeared bag awaited her on his desk. How much he'd known, and how much he'd divined was not for her to know.

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

She obeyed wordlessly, now so thoroughly exhausted from her time out in the woods. She had wrestled with so much in the last day, and while she still rankled at the notion of having to make such weighty decisions, the young Lupine knew that they had to be made.

And that was what she had done in her time alone.

She moved through the tent's doorway, and the flaps shut behind her with a soft rustle of roughspun canvas. A hand came up to wipe away the dirt on her face, and she slowly sat down in the offered chair.

The bag didn't escape her notice, and her stomach growled in constant protest yet again. It wasn't time yet, and she quelled the hunger pains.

"I've been thinking... " she bit her lip and frowned. What a stupid thing to say. But, she pressed on.

"... like you asked."

It was easy to see by the dried tear stains running down her cheeks that she'd come to grips with a looming truth, and again she wiped her arm across her face.

She broke away from his gaze to look at the mug of caf that he'd placed out for her. It smelled... well, it smelled really good. Reaching out, she touched a single finger to the outer side, feeling the intense warmth, and it caused a smile to appear. A small smile, but it was there none-the-less. The moment passed, and she pulled away to look back up at him.

When she spoke next, her voice was a whisper.

"I can't be your learner."

[Zem Vymes]

And yet he'd known, hadn't he? Not disappointed by her words, Zem nodded.

"You've had a lot of time to think about your choice. What else have you decided?"

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

And now came the even more difficult part. The part that had weighed so heavily on her for so long. It had not really tortured her in the true sense of the word, but she had certainly lost sleep over it.

She rubbed at her eyes, willing herself to keep an even keel. She'd done her crying, or so she told herself.

"If you were my Master, then you wouldn't be able to be what I really need."

Her eyes closed tightly as she felt a fresh surge of tears welling. The girl pulled in a long, shaking breath, her arms going to wrap around herself as she gently rocked back and forth in an effort to calm the sudden resurgence of emotion.

Her lower lip quivered, and without looking up, the young Lupine grew still.

"I need... I need a Dad," and then she did look up at him, her eyes pleading as the tears finally broke free to travel downward once again.

"I need you to be my Dad."

[Zem Vymes]

There was something wistful in his eyes. Zem eased his cup of caf down, looking at how she teetered on the edge. It was now that he understood when she asked what it all meant. Only now did he understand there was more direction in her life that she needed, beyond the sense of higher calling and purpose. She'd lost something precious to her, and it was something she'd never truly been able to have for her own.

"Teagan..."

Zem saw Lok in her face now. The face of the person he'd pledged himself to. Her daughter.

"...what you ask."

It was his turn to feel unprepared for the task.

"I don't know what it means to be what you want. I had no father. Or, you know, no one who raised me so."

Still, the need was nascent. He'd extolled upon her the virtues of a good heart, and finding it's place wherever needed.

"Still, you've given an old man another challenge. One more hill to climb. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather make the journey with. If that's what your heart desires, Teagan s'Ilancy. I would welcome the chance to be your dad."

[Teagan s'Ilancy]

There was an initial moment when her world seemed to come crashing down around her all over again. When he spoke of not knowing a father of his own, and not knowing what it meant to be as such. Her face pinched into a terrified expression as her mind raced. Raced to find some way to salvage things, and to - more importantly - salvage the heart that she'd placed in front of him. But that only lasted for a scant few seconds. When he continued on, the relief on her face was immediate, and she tried to smile.

It was a strange feeling, to cry while her lips pulled back in budding happiness.

She slid from the chair, and moving around his workdesk, stood awkwardly for a moment, suddenly unsure.

But, she forged ahead. Just as this was new territory for him, so too was it for her. Everything in her life changed, and was like some raging river that never stopped and let her be. This, now, was something that she could place a hold upon. She felt such elation and relief that it was impossible to keep her emotions bottled in, and everything flooded out. Every moment of happiness and every time of crushing loneliness. Now she had someone who was willing to be there for her, and be the one all-important aspect in her life that'd been ripped away so terribly.

One hand twitched, and then both arms went up to wrap around his neck in a tight embrace.

"I need you," she half-whispered into his ear, echoing those long-ago words that had been once spoken by her own mother.

[Zem Vymes]

Zem returned the embrace, a joy he'd never anticipated in doing so. He'd loved Teagan like his own daughter for long enough. But saying the words. Saying them, and standing by them? It felt as right as breathing. A hand held her head close against his, and he didn't let her go for anything. She still hadn't told him her decision. She was supposed to find her path today. Despite it all, he'd asked her to live with a good heart above all else.

She did not disappoint.