Old Fashioned Fun (Arcan IV)

[Arya Ravenwing]

The place was a shithole, that was for sure. The muddy "streets" were churned up by passing rollers, and Arya flinched as a gobbet of mud flew by her head. The mud sucked at her boots as she trudged forward, and the rain was nearly horizontal as it lashed her face. A neon drenched door loomed on her right and she altered course for the bar, just trying to get out of the weather and hoping it would dry out soon. It couldn't rain forever, could it?

She pushed the door open and walked in, knocking as much of the filth from her feet as she could. Her wet hair dripped into her eyes, and Arya pushed it back, squeezing some of the water out and unfortunately down her neck. She shuddered, and walked up to the bar. "Give me something strong."

"Sure thing." A drink materialized and she tipped it back, draining the glass with several long swallows.

Arya set it down and nudged it back toward the bartender. "Another."

[Tony Maxwell]

The shudder of landing gear on earth shook him from his sleep, almost dislodging the small cap that had been positioned over his face for maximum light obstruction. His seat automatically lifted itself out of it's reclining position upon landing. The cushion was suddenly so much softer now that he had to get up. A heavy sigh escaped his mouth as he pulled his hat free and blinked his eyes against the daylight streaming in through the open hatch. With a shake of his head and a stretch of his arms, he prepared himself for what was to come. A quick hand check of his hair made sure every follicle was in place. Hat on head, briefcase in hand, he strode tall, head held high, from the luxurious transport. His aggressive sales pitch was already running through his head, warming up, only to go cold in his mouth as his eyes met dirty structures and overcast skies.

"Woah, woah, WOAH! I'm suppose to be on Mon Calamari not planet of the dirt people. What in the seven levels of hell am I doing here?"

"Twelve hour layover. You're transport will be here in the early morning. Have a good day Mr. Maxwell."

The hatch closed shut right in his face, and with clenched fist he banged against the hull screaming every filthy swear word in the Basic language, and a few alien ones. Whipping around he forced himself to look at the dirty city again, and immediately reached into his expensive suit and pulled free a pair of Ju'ban shaded glasses from and threw them over his face. The dulling of the overcast sunlight did nothing to make the situation any better. With a huff he stomped down the dock, plodding along the street for several yards until the paved street disappeared and left only a muddy path. "You have got to be kidding me..." Tony muttered as he tried his best to gingerly step over the mud, and grimacing when his soles began to sink in. "These shoes are Crosh-hide. Fuck my life!"

And then it started raining.

He had no idea where he was going, but he was angry and he would be damned if he didn't stomp around until he either got attention or found something else to distract him. In the end the latter reared it's head in the form of a bar. He couldn't even make out the name on the neon sign. It did not even matter. There would be alcohol, and hopefully a roof that did not leak. Pushing inside he tried to wipe the water from his OKwear suit. To no avail. He didn't even dare look at his shoes. He would cry, and he knew it. Instead he wiped them off as well as he could on the doormat, but it was like trying to dry your hair with water. There was already so much mud.

"Whiskey Sour, my good man." Tony called out as he reached the bar, standing beside a woman who, at a glance, might have been attractive in a past life, but she looked like life had not been kind to her. He mused that before the night was over that her, and some other cretin, would probably stab him and run off with his briefcase, which he now had set on the bar. His drink arrived and he quickly took a sip only to make a sour face and set it back down. "By the Emperor's Black Bones, what terrible whiskey did you put in this. Tastes like rubbing alcohol. Please tell me you have something at least triple distilled. Top shelf please."

"Was that so hard?" He asked absently as the bartender turned around to remake the drink using a bottle of whiskey that at least has a brand label he thought he recognized.

[Arya Ravenwing]

Arya gave the new arrival side-eye as he bitched about his drink, and tipped her second one back. She nearly snorted it out her nose when she caught sight of the bartender adding a generous portion of spit to the drink where the dandy couldn't see.

Before he took a drink Arya turned toward him. "You don't look like a local. Here on business?"

[Tony Maxwell]

"I'm a mud salesman. They said I couldn't sell mud to the mud people, but I'll show them." Every word dripped with sarcasm and was accompanied with a roll of his eyes before he lifted his newly brewed drink to his lips and took a tentative sip, not even mixing it first. He wanted to taste the whiskey and make sure he wasn't getting something crappy again. It was still low grade in comparison to his expensive tastes, but it was drinkable at least. "I've never even heard of this world before today. It looks like a giggle of Gungans stomped across the whole planet. I'm suppose to be on Mon Calamari. I have a very important business meeting."

[Arya Ravenwing]

Arya shrugged, a warm glow beginning to spread from her stomach into her extremities as she set her glass down and nudged it toward the bartender for a refill. "Arcan IV is a shithole, that is for sure. Doesn't really make on the 'one thousand things to see in the galaxy before you die' list."

She paused for a moment. "Maybe the 'one thousand things not to see' list."

[Tony Maxwell]

"More like 'One Thousands Things Not Worth Even Seeing'". Tony grumbled as he finished off the rest of his sour. It was only when he set the glass back down that he realized that it had been served in the wrong kind of glass. Oh well, these heathens probably do not even know the difference. They were lucky to even has glass constructs that could hold water. He half expected them to leak or shatter when touched. Miracles do happen.

He ordered a sun crusher, had to explain what that was, and then went back to drumming his fingers on the bar top. The bar door opened, and Tony glanced over his shoulder just a moment to catch sight of some rather gruesome looking individuals. The ragged, dirt under the finger nails types that had likely never had a credit to their names. You know, the kind of people he detested the most. Hard working poor people. Gross...

"What do people do for fun on a shithole planet like this? Other than sit around and watch the mud dry." He was vaguely aware that the dirty people were coming closer. He prayed to any listening deity that they didn't stink.

[Arya Ravenwing]

"Fun?" Arya snagged a few nuts from a bowl on the bar and popped them into her mouth. "Probably petty crime. I'm not sure the mud ever dries - at least not during the rainy season." If there was an enlightened center of the galaxy, Arcan IV was probably the planet farthest from it. At least Nal Hutta was organized and well maintained according to Hutt standards. Arcan IV, from what she'd seen of it so far, was like a mix between Gamorr and - no, mostly just Gamorr. Except populated by mostly humans.

"Since the Empire pulled out of the Tion Cluster I hear things have been a real mess. They want to rule themselves, but without the Empire they don't have the infrastructure. And no one was very interested in having the Alliance come in and set up shop. Or so I hear." The lights flickered and she sipped her drink.

[Sheldon Esalis]

It could almost be heard over the hum of the T-16 skyhopper's repulsors.

"WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

The airspeeder buzzed the bar low enough to cause the windows to rattle before fading off into the distance. Once again, the banshee's wail rose above the tempest.

"WOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Kicking up a spray of mud, the airspeeder eventually slowed in front of the drinking hole, settling down to land before a mustachioed man in a spacer's hat and a flannel shirt with the sleeves torn off climbed out of the rain-slicked cockpit, carrying a half-full beer bottle stuffed precariously into his shirt's front pocket. He paused to survey the shabby scene before him, a stoic expression of his face before he belched, and jumped down into a mud puddle.

"Sixteen! Sixteen womp rats! (BURP) I am the Rat King, baby! WOOO!!!"

[Tony Maxwell]

"Shame. If they had the backing of the Alliance maybe they could afford my business. A few agricultural droids might turn this planet into something that produces more than just mud. I don't think I introduced myself. I am the Tony Maxwell." The suavest smile spread across his face, accompanied by a slight lean in. More words were readied, loaded, ready to spit, but were horribly interrupted by what sounded like mad ravings just outside the door. "The fuck is this shit?"

He swore that if he died on this god forsaken planet that his company would sue every penny out of Galactic Transports for dumping him here on this planet. Thank the gods his life insurance paid double on business trips, although now that he thought about it, that did not really benefit him at all and he didn't even care enough about anyone else to leave his money to them should he die. He wasn't even sure what happened to his money in the event of his death. Hopefully they would load it all into his funeral barge with him and burn it to ash. Yeah. That sounded pretty cool.

[Arya Ravenwing]

She was leaning backwards away from him, wondering exactly how much trouble she'd be in for decking THE Tony Maxwell (whoever he was), when he abruptly backed off and started swearing.

"Probably a drunk local," Arya said, returning to her drink. The lights flickered again and then went out, just as the door opened. The newcomer was dimly backlit by the pouring rainstorm, but it looked like the entire block (or more) had gone dark. The bartender snapped a handful of glowrods in various colors, tossing them into the now non-functional light fixtures around the bar. It cast the whole scene in a slightly eerie glow, like they'd fallen into the puddle reflection of a neon sign.

[Sheldon Esalis]

"I guess by the raver couture wall sconce look that the power's on the shitter again."

Sheldon Esalis snagged the half beer from his pocket and proceeding to slam the whole thing down. Finishing with another burp, he threw the bottle in the general direction of a trash can, where it broke against the wall and at least some of the shards did indeed go into refuse. He headed to the bar, leaning against it rather than opting for a seat.

"Well, I was going to night cap with moonshine but I guess we can't have all that beer going warm, so I'll do my part, Jeebo." Sheldon magnanimously slid a single chit on the table. Jeebo the barkeep glowered it, then back up at the swamp rat.

"It's still two credits a pop, T-Beau. Happy hour was two hours ago."

"Fine!" Sheldon flipped another chit on the table. "I mean it's not like I'm trying to help out a friend...you know...get rid of the beer on clearance and keep it from getting warm and going bad."

"Beer don't go bad, it just goes warm!"

"The same thing! I mean, it's womp-ass energy drink, just carbs and..." Sheldon checked the bottle offered him, doing a double take "...huh, six and a half percent alcohol. Why'd I think it was lower? Why was I out flying I had like eighteen of these, that's haha, gross negligent of me."

His face turned serious again.

"Alright, you heartless shyster, I'll need like...six. I was going to say eight, but (burp) I swore I was going to cut carbs this week."

Something caught Sheldon's eye at that moment, and he turned back to the pair of fresh faces in the dimly-lit establishment.

"Ho-lee Gentrification! Actual visitors! Jeebo, best get out the saltines and the good cheese."

[Tony Maxwell]

The lights went out and Tony immediately pulled away, grabbed in drink in one hand and kept the other one outstretched. The spring loaded hold out blaster in his sleeve was ready to pop if he needed it. Before he could even be accidentally startled and shoot someone, glowsticks were tossed out and some light was provided. Tony mumbled something about the ambiance before he finished his drink and motioned the bartender for a refill. He was having a hard time keeping his eye on both the scurvy clientele and the lunatic who had just come in hooting and hollering like the mad drunkard he clearly is.

"No offense buddy, but I'll pass on the crackers and dairy. I'm already going to catch something from this murky ice. I don't need spacebola too."

[Arya Ravenwing]

THE Tony Maxwell jerked in surprise when the lights went out, and before he composed himself Arya had a pretty good idea what it was he had up his sleeve. The way he'd held his arm in the near dark - if she hadn't been sitting right next to him she wouldn't have noticed how the cuffs of his jacket were just a little too bulky. Holdout blaster, probably spring-loaded. The guy seemed to be easily startled, too, which was a bad combination.

The other man who walked into the bar was boisterous, loud, and utterly consumed with his conversation with the barkeep. He was also not a local - a glance at his perfectly white and straight teeth told her that - no matter how he was acting. Arya held up a hand against the offer of food, draining her glass. "I was just leaving." She stood up, fishing for the credits to settle her tab.

[Sheldon Esalis]

"Oh, I get it. Core people....fiiiine. Too good for Arcan Hospitality! I mean, nevermind that Jeebo works double shifts to pay his daughter's tuition at rodeo college, or that Sko-Bozz over there practically self taught himself how to play both jug AND the spoons."

A toothless Codru-Ji hillbilly in the background gave a chappy-lipped grin at mention of his name as he blew an octave into an old moonshine bottle.

T-Beau helped himself to the empty chair at the table, bringing his two armfulls of beer bottles with him.

"Besides, idiots there's an ion storm warning coming in, so unless you want to blow out a repulsorlift and get really stuck in some mud, you might want to kick up your feet a spell."

[Tony Maxwell]

A pair of fingers pinched the bridge of his nose and then rubbed his eyes while he grimaced. God fucking dammit, why did he have to get stuck here of all places. That's it, he didn't want to resort to it but he was going to give the transportation company a very bad Zelp review. They had one job. ONE JOB! To get him to Dac in a timely manner. He paid them all that money so that he wouldn't end up getting stuck in some hillbilly ass backwards planet like this one. Surrounded by idiots; one of which will probably scoop his eyeballs out with a spoon by the end of the day.

Padding his pockets for a moment he found and withdrew a long silver cylinder. It oddly resembled an over-sized stim, and it's function was revealed when he raised it to his mouth and sucked on one end. The other end lit up with a blue light and when he finally pulled it free he blew a stream of vapor from his lips. It wasn't the same as a real cigarette, but it helped calm him down. His father had never approved of his smoking habit. Said it was bad publicity, but now he was at an age were he did worry about his health. Although, knowing his luck the vaporizer would still give him some different kind of cancer.

"I hope the ion storm clears by morning. I have places to be." He said between hits on the vaporizer. "And what about you buddy? You don't look like the product of incest. Do normal people intentionally settle down on this planet?"

[Arya Ravenwing]

Arya looked down at her muddy boots, then to the bartender. "Know any place I can stay the night. Nearby?" she added, with a sideways glance at the two pretty boys facing off.

[Sheldon Esalis]

Tony Maxwell wasn't a fan of holo cinema. I quaffed down another half a beer.

"It's more a, uh, tourist spot. You haven't seen Crocodon? Crocodon 2?"

Starring THE Bret Reynard! Action holo God! I pointed to an autographed photo on the wall of a mustachioed man in a vest standing over a dead swamp monster with a bowcaster slung over his shoulder.

[Tony Maxwell]

"Huh..." Was Tony's only reaction as he gazed over his shoulder at the picture on the wall. "Never heard of him, or those. Are they on Holoflix? After a night of strippers and booze I enjoy winding down with bad movies. It's the only way the strippers can follow the plot after all that spice."

[Arya Ravenwing]

Arya held in the urge to roll her eyes and headed for the door. Stepping outside she found herself nose to muzzle with a blaster, and she slowly put her hands up. "Uh...take it easy..." The rain lashed the four figures in front of her, rainslickers and hats obscuring any identifying details. She blinked rain out of her eyes, easing backward from the blaster.

"Get inside." The statement was punctuated with the blaster pushing into her face, and so she obligingly backed up, back into the dimly lit bar, freshly soaked and with four new 'friends.'

[Sheldon Esalis]

Them was fightin' words, to ape the vernacular.

"Bad movies? Come again! They're classics! They're..."

And suddenly commotion from the door caught my eye as four sopping-wet individuals with unsavory dispositions returned our wayward brunette to sender.

"...guys, no need to rush. There's still (burp) like...forty-five minutes left in happy hour."

[Tony Maxwell]

Tony had spent this whole time trying to ignore the other occupants, only to have his attention redirected back toward the lowlifes when the intoxicated man started yelling at someone else. His eyes turned sideways, and then his head followed. The light of the glowsticks caught one something metallic in their hands, and his insides froze a little. Without taking his eyes off them, he grabbed his dark briefcase off the top of the bar and lowered it to the floor, sliding it behind his barstool with his foot.

His hand was kept close to his chest, ready just in case. Perhaps these guys had beef with the brunette. He wouldn't blame them. The way she turned down him, THE Tony Maxwell, was the kind of behavior that would set him off too if he wasn't in such a nice and forgiving mood. Tony imagined it did not take much to set off these mudders. Probably refusing to share a stim would send them into a murderous rage.

Trying not to shake, Tony lifted his vaporizer back to his mouth and took another, longer hit before blowing it casually through the air. For the umpteenth time he wished he had brought some droids with him. Then he could hide behind the bar while they killed everyone in sight. Enough money would convince any judge and jury to side with his story.

"I don't think they're here for the cheap appetizers, buddy."

[Arya Ravenwing]

Arya let herself be shoved back in the direction of the bar and made a show of nearly falling, scattering a few stools and catching herself on the bar. "Everyone stays calm, this goes a lot easier," growled one of the figures, pushing his hat back and revealing a scarred human face. The others dripped menacingly on the warped floor, their weatherproof coats dark with water.

The tallest one was a Wookiee, his hairy paws holding several bags stamped with Aurabesh lettering. Arya couldn't get a good look at them, but they seemed to be heavy, with squarish things inside. The rest were heavily armed. "We're just gonna stay here until the power's restored, and none of you are gonna give us any trouble." The last few words were directed at the barkeep, who froze with both his hands under the bar.

[Sheldon Esalis]

Huh. One, two, three, and big moneybags makes four. I finished the dregs of my beer thoughtfully, setting it aside as I moved to stand. Three blasters trained on me and I held my hands up passively.

"Easy there, Botch Sundance and company. I've been drinking beer literally the entire day. Pretty sure if I don't hit the head right now, my pores are gonna start pissing. And you know what doesn't help avoid incontinent moments? Yeah, blasters pointed at my dome."

One of my raised hands pointed to the restroom.

[Tony Maxwell]

"We're all friends here. Pull up a stool and grab a drink."

It was all that Tony could think to say. He felt he had to contribute. He didn't want to be the spineless guy hiding in the back of the bar the entire confrontation. He had always considered himself as a person with charisma overflowing. Maybe he could sweet talk these loons into a mood better than trigger happy. They might all make it out in one piece. Hopefully that peace wouldn't come at a steep price. Tony may be rich but he got that way by not throwing his money around. Unlike his father, with all the charities and public events. Bah. Maxwell Industries didn't run like that anymore. It was all about progress and lies. Mostly lies.

"I could use the restroom myself if you chaps don't mind?"

[Arya Ravenwing]

"What are you, a coupla females?" Scarface sneered. "Piss in a pot for all I care, you ain't leavin' this room. Drews, guard the scratch." The wookiee nodded, practically standing on top of the bags, a heavy blaster appearing in his shaggy hands. "Squints, the door, and Gobbler, let's get our bartender over against that wall."

Gobbler was a blotchy looking Aqualish, and he pushed the bartender out from behind the bar to the far wall, gathering the blaster rifle the 'tender had stashed under the bar. He tossed it to Scarface, who caught it by the barrel and passed it to Drews the wookiee. Gobbler approached Arya, who involuntarily backed up. He reached into her jacket and relieved her of her blaster, his moist face probably sneering, but she wasn't that great at reading Aqualish expressions.

"Anyone else with a weapon, get it out nice and slow and put it on the ground," boomed Scarface. "We will shoot you, so don't get cute."

[Sheldon Esalis]

"Great job, idiot, do you have any idea how hard it is to pee with a gun pointed at you."

I was herded over to the wall near the woman, and Billy Bespoke was done likewise. The search began with the lady. I waited my turn, idly whistling the open bars of a nursery rhyme. Outside, the droid brain on my T-16 activated in response to the whistled bars. Still waiting my turn, I continued to whistle notes to the song. The green ocular of the droid brain on the skyhopper turned red, and a series of commands were put into motion as the ion reactor went critical

BWOOOSH!!!

The saloon's windows blew in as the T-16 exploded, causing everyone in the bar except me to flinch/turn. I rocked the toes of my boots together as they pivoted on heels. At the front of the right boot, a one inch double-sided knife blade popped into view with a click.

Before the gang could turn back, I winged the Aqualish in the shin with the blade and made a dash over the bar. By the time I slid across the counter and down into cover, the alien was already succumbing to the neurotoxin.

[Tony Maxwell]

Great. I'm peeing on a wall in the middle of a bar. Not the first time, Tony. Yeah, but those other times I was so hammered I thought I was in the bathroom. New low. Peeing on a wall while sober. The worst part is doing it standing right next to this pleb. Come on little guy. You can do it...

The sudden and unexpected explosion threw him off balance, tumbling him forward right into the wall. Bouncing his forehead off the plaster he then stumbled backwards, bumping into his Aqualish captor, who was cursing and holding his shin. Tony managed to hurriedly pull up his pants and clasp his belt before the alien he was leaning against crumpled to the ground, leaving Tony to stumble backwards again, tripping over the dropped blaster, and fall to the floor in a heap. Rolling over, he looked around for the guy he had just been urinating beside, and he was gone, but judging by the smack talk coming from the other side of the bar he guessed that was where he found find his partner in captivity.

The other gangsters were yelling and raising weapons. Crying out, Tony rolled back over the Aqualish, who wasn't moving so much as shaking and frothing at the mouth, and pulled the unresistant body up against his much smaller form and used him as meat shield even as blaster bolts began to rain down on him. With a flip of his wrist the fold out blaster sprung into his palm and he fired back over the top of his shield. Not at anything in particular, and most of the shots went wide or into the ceiling. He might have been crying, but he wasn't sure. Everything was moist this close to a Aqualish.

[Arya Ravenwing]

Something exploded just outside the bar, and the room erupted into anarchy. Arya threw herself at the floor as the windows blew in behind her, a gout of flame singeing the Wookiee who was now yowlmewling in pain. Everyone had a weapon in their hands/tentacles/suckermittens, and she crawled for cover, grabbing a table and upending it so she could duck behind it.

Looking over she saw Tony using the fallen Aqualish as a particularly squishy shield, and he was either crying or had had water splashed on his face. Her blaster was on the ground within his reach, so Arya shouted at him. "Hey! Toss me my blaster!"

[Sheldon Esalis]

No sooner had I hit the deck on the other side of the bar then I began to look around to make full use of my surroundings. Improvised weapons, sure, but I was looking for something else. There! I popped the lid off the commercial-sized bucket of margarita salt. Liberating three full hands of the stuff onto the floor, I dropped zipper whilst in combat crouch and proceeded to take a combat leak in the salt bucket.

"Oh my god you guys I wasn't kidding...just give me BZAT! a minute here."

Liquor bottles exploded overhead, raining booze and glass below. I carefully mitigated the chance of glass shards on penis (ie, situational awareness) while casually returning covering fire with a few pop shots over the counter. The prospects of the bucket holding containment were starting to look...slim.

"This is why I normally don't do beer!"

[Tony Maxwell]

Tony could hardly hear anything over the incoming blaster fire coupled with the holdout in his hand ringing his ears. Somehow over the din he made out a few words begging for a weapon. Lifting the now smoking corpse's arm, Tony peaked out through an armpit at the woman from earlier, who was hiding behind a slowly disintegrating table; blaster fire chipping it away at the edges.

"Are you crazy? If I die all my money goes to my shithole cousin. He bankrupted a lemonade stand. Lemonade! On Naboo! Everyone on Naboo loves lemonade! What do you think he'd do with a multi-billion credit droid manufacturing company!?"

The asshole behind the bar was returning fire, and still talking out his ass. Rather than reach over the dead Aqualish and crawl for the dropper blaster, Tony instead reached between himself and the corpse, and choking on the smell, pulled the bandit's own blaster out of his belt and tossed it overhanded at the woman without really looking. A few shots flew overhead, singing the skin of his arm and filling the air with the smell of ozone and burned hair. Yelping, Tony snuggled back down against his corpse wall and tried to block out the world by closing his eyes and covering his ears.

If either of his parents were alive he might have called out their names. Instead he whispered a single name, lost in the noisy commotion.

[Arya Ravenwing]

The blaster bonked off the face of her table shield and fell to the ground, hopelessly out of reach. Arya snarled in frustration, and grabbed the legs of the table as her eyes shone gold. She threw it forward with all her strength, slamming the table into Scarface. He went down, the table skidded further and took the Wookiee's legs out from undernearth him, and Arya scooped up the blaster and vaulted over the bar before the robbers recovered. Blaster fire recommenced quickly, bolts sizzling over her head as she dove for the ground, her foot kicking over a bucket as she scrambled to a better position.

Water spilled all over the ground, soaking the loudmouth's shoes and - oh. Oh, that wasn't water. Arya's nose wrinkled at the strong urine odor and she edged further away.

[Sheldon Esalis]

"Oh great, idiot!"

Not sure what was worse, the mess or the fact that I couldn't go with someone watching, and had to cut the stream which was no small feat. Tucking and zipping in resignation, I decided at last to commit to the fight at hand. Rather than peek over the bar and risk catching a bolt in the face, I kept my eyes trained to the back of the bar, watching the same reflection play out in a dozen or so bottles and in the bar mirror beyond. It gave a pretty good perspective on where the bad guys were. Keeping my eyes on the bottles, I reached up and fired blind.

Wide left.

Pulled back down, made an adjustment.

Wide right.

Trick shots required more finesse. This was just like playing billiards. I needed alcohol. Carefully, I plucked a half-hidden bottle of single malt from the shelf, pulling the cork away with my teeth before taking a few quick gulps.

[Tony Maxwell]

His body shield was getting warm. Hot even. And the smell was getting atrocious. It reminded him of that time someone planted a dead hooker in his trunk on a hot Naboo day. Tony could only guess, and he had very limited experience in the matter, that there wasn't much body left on the opposite side as the flesh wore thin from repeated blaster fire. He could either make a break for it or wait until a shot finally burned through and gutted him where he laid. There was no good answer. Time to nut up or shut up.

Using his hands and feet, he pushed against his corpse shield, moving it toward his attackers while keeping behind it. Shots rang out from over the bar top and was distracting the bandits for the time being. Good. By his estimate, and he liked to think he was pretty smart, he should be just about right on top of the woman's dropped blaster. Peaking through his armpit spyhole he caught a glimpse of the handle sticking up just on the other side of his corpse buddy. Good. Darting his arm over he reached out and grabbed hold of a whole fistful of hot melted fat that burned his fingers. Stifling his scream into a whimper he wiped his hand off on the Aqualish's vest and reached out again, this time finding purchase on the blaster. Yanking it back he checked it over, and realized he knew nothing about blasters. He would just have to hope it was working and there was no safety on.

"If I die here, tell them to burn my money. Orphans don't get shit."

And then he stood up, a blaster in each hand, like something out of an over the top action holovid. The rocked in both hands. The hold out in his hand fired noticeably more accurate while his left shot mostly walls and ceiling. He jumped sideways, aiming to clear the bar, but instead he ran his legs into it and flipped head over heals over the top, crashing face first into all the broken glass and spilled liquid. Moaning in pain, he rolled around a little as he massaged the many places that hurt. Opening his eyes, he noticed the looks on the faces of the other two. "You're just peanut butter and jealous." And then he threw the woman's blaster at her.

Over the top of the bar someone was cursing. Something about getting his dick blown off. Tony was too busy wriggling in agony to notice that, or that he was wriggling in piss.

[Arya Ravenwing]

She grabbed her now greasy blaster out of the air, checked the power cell, and looked over at her two companions behind the bar. Pisser was using the mirror to try to aim over the top of the bar while chugging a bottle of clear liquor, with no results, and Tony Maxwell was picking glass out of his cheek and sitting in the puddle of urine.

Arya looked back at the mirror, the interior of the bar lit only by multicolored glow rods and strobes of blaster fire, making the whole scene flicker like a rave. "Does this place have a back entrance?" She directed her question at Pisser, who seemed to know his way around the place.

[Sheldon Esalis]

"Haha, phrasing!"

I belched alcohol fumes, taking another potshot at the mass of silhouette that the wookiee cast. Should be an easier target anyhow. I tried a few more shots that zinged just shy, and in my frustration, I flung my bottle over my shoulder. Of course now that I wasn't trying to, I'd hit the big lummox, and the bottle cracked him in his head, spilling liquor all into his fur. It staggered the Wookiee, and my eyes went a bit wide from the sight.

"Oh my God."

I turned to the crabby brunette and the now well-sullied playboy in training (who smelled like bacon for some reason)

"Bucket list! I'm going in! Wooo!!!"

Suddenly unaware of the blaster fire raining down around us, I popped over the bar to line a bead up on the wookiee. Big guy, big target. I pulled the trigger, and a blaster bolt hit booze-saturated fur, and the whole thing went up like a...

"Goddamn Life Day tree! Woooo!!!"

[Tony Maxwell]

"Are you insane? Get back down here before they turn your face into a bucket." Tony yelled over the ruckus of blasters and a whooping idiot. He was siting up against the bar now, trying to rub some life into his bruised legs and arms. That's when he noticed the piss and melted fat all over his suit. "Goddamn, this is an OKwear suit! It costs more than this entire bar. Fuck!"

Reaching out he snatched an unbroken bottle of booze and pulled the top off; cradling the bottle between his legs. Grabbing a dirty bar towel he ripped the thick fabric in half with the aid of his teeth and threaded it into the bottle. Looking up he saw the confused looks on the other's faces. "I saw this in a holo once." He said before pulling out a gold filigree lighter that he carried around mostly so he could fiddle with it annoyingly and less because he sometimes smoked cigaras. He lit the end, gave it a second, and then threw it over the top of the bar. That's when he looked back and realized that the faces they were making was not confusion, or surprise, it was shock and disapproval.

The bottle shattered in the midst of the attackers and created a puddle of burning liquid under their feet. Which caused them to scream in pain. Which was spreading to the wooden tables and chairs. Which was filling the room was smoke. "Okay, goddamnit. My bad!" Tony shrieked before grabbing a fire extinguisher that looked older than than the Republic from underneath the bar.

[Arya Ravenwing]

Okay, so Pisser was officially crazy, and Tony wasn't much better. "So, that's a no on the back door?" she said to no one in particular as the thieves threw open the front door and let in the storm from outside.

The flaming wookiee ran out first, and dropped into the mud, rolling around and putting himself out. Tony was fumbling with a fire extinguisher, and so Arya took that moment to book it toward the back of the bar to look for an exit. She found one - but it was actually the refresher. So no, no back entrance, and the front entrance was becoming more 'engulfed in flames' and less 'viable choice for survival.'

She cursed.

[Sheldon Esalis]

"What do I look like, the help. I mean, (burp) there should be one. Because, you know, fire code reasons."

Which I realized was super ironic considering the general in flames status of the bar.

"Haha."

At any rate, my shots were getting better and better, probably because I wasn't using my combat potential to keep from peeing out my ears, and probably because I'd switched to liquor. I put two more shots in the Wookiee to keep him down for good, and winged one of the other dudes in the arm enough to cause him to drop his weapon. At Tony's kvetching I momentarily paused in incredulity.

"You wore a bespoke suit to Arcan IV. I'm pretty sure even the air here would stain it."

The last attacker in any position to fight back got a shot in a little too close for comfort, and I ducked behind the bar once again.

[Tony Maxwell]

"I didn't intentionally stop at his godforsaken planet! It's a layover! Further more, I don't think they care about fire codes in a shitheap like this. Presumably they would put out any fires with the abundant mud." Tony shrilled as he clutched his fire extinguisher like a baby to his chest, eyes closed, head bowed against the debris that kept raining down on them. A flaming chair crashed into the back of the bar, throwing burning splinters everywhere. Stretching out his hands, Tony pulled the restraining pin off the fire extinguisher and pressed the handle. Instead of a oxygen starving spray of foam and liquid, it instead just sort of oozed off the nozzle and on to the floor, adding to all the other fluids on the floor to create a mixture that would probably taste better than the beer they served.

"You had one job! ONE!" He screamed at the fire suppressant device in his hands before standing up and throwing backwards over his head, over the top of the bar, and by chance right into the head of one of the injured shooter who had been trying to grab his dropped blaster with his off hand. He folded up like an deployable lover.

[Arya Ravenwing]

Arya considered rejoining the two men behind the bar. However, the problem was rapidly becoming too much fire, not too many blasters.

She held her blaster in one hand, scooped up another from the floor, and ran toward the front door, flames be dammed. Arya plugged one of the human thieves to clear the way, jumped through a wall of flames, and slammed her shoulder into the door, spilling out into the mud and the rain.

[Sheldon Esalis]

"Oh shit, we're doing this. I think I need to..."

I paused, upending half a bottle of gin, then took an entire bottle of tonic water to pour over my head. Shaking the residual drips from my face, I took a few deep breaths....

"Fuck shit ass WOOO!!!"

...and dove through the rising flames, with my hair unsinged and...

"Holyyyyy shit and I stuck the landing!"

Not wearing my body weight in Arcanian mud was definitely helping to buoy my mood. Or maybe that was the gin. Spast, who drinks straight gin?

[Tony Maxwell]

With fire as his only companion now, Tony felt very alone behind the bar. Cursing loudly he ran after the crazy drunk man, his head ducked and his movements janky.

He emerged from the other side of the wall of fire looking like an avatar of a angry fire god; his thousand credit suit burning at the edges. He ran screaming through the now open door, ignoring friends and foes alike as he dove headfirst into the mud to extinguish the flames. He didn't come out immediately. Instead he contemplated a new life inside the mud where he wouldn't have to discover how damaged his suit is, or his hair, or his body itself.

This is his life now.

[Arya Ravenwing]

She reached into the muck and grabbed a fist full of hair, pulling Tony up by his head. On any other planet the authorities would be arriving, or at least the fire department, but Arcan IV was a special sort of shithole. "C'mon pretty boy," Arya growled, placing Tony upright on his legs and releasing him, hoping he'd stay upright. For the moment he did, though he hadn't attempted to clean the thick mud off his face yet. "We - shit!"

She ducked as blaster bolts came sizzling out into the rain and a flaming Wookiee charged out the door. Then the Wookiee flopped into the mud and rolled around, standing up slowly looking like some sort of mud golem as the rest of the bar emptied out into the storm. Crap.

[Sheldon Esalis]

I guess somewhere in the midst of a running firefight punctuated by getting lightly doused in liquor, lightly singed in a fire, and then heavily doused in rain, my fake mustache decided it had enough. It listed to one side of my mouth, and I blew it off my lips with a puff.

Then Smokey the Bastard decided he still wasn't done playing. I watched the half-bald wookiee drive himself into the mud faster than a Gamorrean on spring break. When he came back up, I laughed.

"He kind of looks like...what's his name. From Bad Ryll Bugaloo, the guy who talked with a lisp."

I absently scratched my head with the barrel of my gun.

"What was his name?"

The Wookiee then leveled his bowcaster at us again, and I made a beeline for cover. Live fire pocked the mud a few paces behind me as I took shelter behind one of the few pieces of my busted T-16 that was still upright.

"He was in that other movie with Cailla Torreha, kind of a grindhouse flick."

Metal pinged near my head as shots peppered my cover.

[Tony Maxwell]

From the mud he was birthed; kicking and screaming. Begging to be put back in. The world outside the mud was cruel and cold. Not to mention dark.

Wiping the mud from his eyes he looked over his shoulder to see the Wookiee come stumbling out. He didn't even turn his head around before he started running in the opposite direction, bouncing right off a wall and dropping the briefcase he had completely forgotten he was still lugging around. His white knuckle grip had finally gone out, and the case went falling into the mud. Stumbling for it he noticed how mud was not fully ingrained in every fiber of his suit. He could fill it in his hair, between his toes, and all around his perfectly manicured bathing suit area.

Fuck. Shit. FUCK FUCK FUCK!

"I guess I just won't have nice things!" He screamed, shoulders hunched, legs apart, his mouth wide. Taking a step forward with his body in a poor imitation of a gravball pitchers stance, he hurled the briefcase straight at the rapscallions. It soared tghrough the air, mingling with blaster bolts in the air. It hit the Wookiee in the shoulder and fell useless to the ground. Howling loudly the Wookiee looked down at the abandoned briefcase, chuckled, and shot it with his bowcaster.

The sudden and deafening ion explosion tossed Tony back into the mire, where the new burns cooled in the wet mud. While swimming between this world and the next Tony remembered he had a prototype droid battery in that case.

Fuck.

[Arya Ravenwing]

The Tony Maxwell lost his mind, and went ping-ponging off of walls as he tried to make his escape. Arya let him go, ducking for cover behind a bit of smoldering T-16 speeder, near where Pisser was crouched. "You're thinking of Benny Treego. He was in that other movie - Vibrosword." She ducked involuntarily as a bolt pinged off of the metal she was hiding behind, and then popped up and aimed at the Wookiee who was shooting that godsdamned bowcaster at Maxwell.

He missed, but she didn't, and the Wookiee fell over dead even as the briefcase he'd shot exploded. Arya gasped for air, falling to one elbow in the muck behind her cover as her sensitive ears metaphorically curled in on themselves at the auditory overload.

[Sheldon Esalis]

Oh dammit.

The world exploded into auditory overload, and I peered at the dead wookiee, mourning the eternal ringing in my ears. The brunette lady said something, but between the cotton-stuffed hell of tinnitus, it all came out in dull low tones. I stuffed a finger into an ear, wiggling it about with force to try and coax my senses back into functionality.

"Thas th aawn...ah....meep....meep..."

Everyone was always so cavalier about explosions, but even when they didn't blow you apart, they were really super bad for you.

"meep"

[Tony Maxwell]

The world had become a muffled and ringing place. Rolling over, Tony pulled his head out of the mud and pushed a log of mud out of his mouth. The quiet was surreal. He could feel movement around him, feel the trembling in the ground. Grabbing a hold of one fistful of mud after the other, he began to crawl away from the fight. His briefcase, suit, and buzz destroyed he had nothing left on this world. His meeting was going to fall apart, and then his business, and he would going to kill himself when he got to a clean hotel, and his thoughts just continued to spiral downward into oblivion.

[Sheldon Esalis]

We three unlikely heroes stumbled together out of cover, now that the bad guys were as dead as this shithole bar. Dapper Dan in the OKwear was...probably not having his best day. The brunette woman seemed to take it in stride, though she definitely looked like she'd had enough of Arcan IV. And me, I glared at Tony, determined to give him an earful.

"... ..... .. ....... .... .. .... ... ......... .... ... .......!!"

[Arya Ravenwing]

Arcan IV wasn't like other planets. On any other planet (even Nar Shadaa) the local security forces would be rolling in by now, looking to bash some heads, take names, or maybe a bribe or two. On Arcan IV it appeared they were on their own.

Actually, that was a little strange. Corrupt government was great for smuggling, as long as you knew which palms to grease, but really someone should be taking an interest in this mess, if just to keep any fires from spreading to other buildings. No one was, so they were either busy elsewhere, or someone had already paid them to stay away.

Ears still trying to recover from the blast, Arya looked around the speeder fender she was squatting behind. The bank robbers were escaping from the burning bar and slogging down the street in the other direction, content to make their getaway while the power was still out. She was missing a piece to this puzzle, and she was beginning to think that she'd stayed in this madness for long enough.

The smuggler stood up, still crouched over, and decided that she'd check to make sure The Tony Maxwell was still alive before she booked it. Maybe he'd reward her for saving his life?

[Tony Maxwell]

A prod and pull woke him from his self misery. Rolling over into a sitting position he looked into the face of the woman. Ugh. Disgusting. He desperately needed a better class of woman, some expensive liquor, and a full body massage. This planet would simply not do. He wanted to go home, to his empty gilded age mansion that he hated, to walk the hallways with his parent's disapproving faces looking down from portraits, and enjoy the peace and quiet that drove him insane. That's where he really wanted to be. Not back on Bespin where a shithole like him belonged. Back home. Maybe if he survived this he'd try to be a better person. Maybe.

"I need a shower." He said at last. The shock and ringing of the explosion was wearing off along with the adrenaline, and in it's place was pooling the sensation of cold, wet mud in his trousers.

[Sheldon Esalis]

"... .... ....... .... because tinnitus is super bad for you! And also because thanks to the bar being on fire, and the lack of any emergency infrastructure on Arcan IV to deal with that, we are now out of alcohol!"

Which, honestly, was the real tragedy here.

"Which means now, my power buzz is gone, which means I have to arrest Arya Ravenwing while practically sober."

My gun was already on rock-steady aim at the brunette's head, which I guess means there is a positive side to sobriety. Although I think I shoot a little better with a buzz.

"Oh."

I glanced to the Lupine, realizing I got ahead of myself.

"I forgot to mention, you're totally under arrest. Yadda yadda crimes against the Empire yadda yadda person of interest."

[Arya Ravenwing]

She slowly straightened up, noting that the blaster remained pointed at her head. "You've got to be joking." It appeared that he wasn't, and she spread her hands slightly, palms outward as she stared intensely at the man she'd nicknamed Pisser. He looked strong, but human strength wouldn't match her own. The blaster was a problem, but the Empire wanted her alive. Or, at least, they had. There wasn't a current bounty on her, which meant this was a directive from inside the Empire, which meant Esalis had possibly realized that Arya wasn't where she'd left her, and wanted her back. Quietly.

She sure as hell wasn't going back quietly.

Arya kept up the eye contact, her eyes gleaming in the firelight of the torched bar. "You look pretty confident for a dead man."

[Tony Maxwell]

"Oh come on!" Tony exclaimed loudly, throwing his hands up into the air, tossing mud in all directions but mostly on to Arya's boots.

Just great. They finally survive what was the hardest moment of his entire life, and then this asshat decides he needs to tip the scales against them again. Seriously, he must have been really bad in a previously life to deserve this kind of treatment. I mean, seriously. He already had mud under his nails. Why did the galaxy have to punish him more?

"What's your problem, laser brain?"

[Sheldon Esalis]

"Aside from the chronic pall of tinnitus figuratively tapdancing on top of my eardrums...and the recent demise of the closest thing to a bar on this planet, I guess I'd have to say I'm just generally lamenting that this whole thing didn't end like Crocodon, with a fan repulsor chase through the swamp. I mean, I get the circumstances are a little different, and there's no corrupt sheriff and no slugthrower marriage to run away from..."

I still had my eyes on Ravenwing. Tony hadn't exactly presented himself as a threat vector.

"...but I did get to set a freakin' Wookiee on fire, so honestly, thanks for the memories. Sincerely."

[Arya Ravenwing]

Arya bared her teeth in a silent snarl as the Imperial agent spoke, her eyes gleaming gold as she held the Change at bay. After he said "thanks for the memories," but before he finished saying "sincerely," she ducked under the blaster and inside his reach, tackling him backward into the mud.

[Tony Maxwell]

"Oh, come on you two!" Tony yelled as he stood up, finally separating himself from the mud. "We are in the middle of goddamn nowhere, having just barely survived a fight with a bunch of yokels, I'm covered in mud that's sticking to my suit like shit on the outhouse wall, and now the two of you are fighting each other. Fine. Just great. You're perfect for each other."

And with that he stomped away, hands on his hips, he face looking up into the drizzling sky. He felt like he should do something, separate them somehow, but with only wet mud in his pockets he was ill equipped for this task. A realization hit him, and swearing loudly he stomped around the T-16 and went looking for that goddamn Wookiee's goddamn blaster. You know, the one that looked like a crossbow.

[Sheldon Esalis]

I hit the deck hard. Funny enough, I was suddenly thankful for the cushioning layer of mud at this point. A body shot like that on hard ground would've probably left a mark.

"Karabast..." I winced, then coughed as I feebly began to club Arya on the back of her head repeatedly with my blaster's pistol grip. "Where do you even keep muscles like those, Olga Destroyovich?"

She belted me in the face, and the world exploded into stars. I just blinked up at the cloudy sky with a suddenly bleeding mouth, smiling.

"Haha...wait, ow. Shit, did you suddenly down a venti amphetamine latte when I wasn't looking?"

WHAM

"Owww....God!"

My voice sounded all nasally. Oh yeah, that's a broke nose.

"Rancor testosterone shots?"

I pivoted my blaster to try and get a grazing shot down her back, but she wrenched my hand down to the mud, causing a stray shot to bark out that missed Tony by a hair.

"Speaking of shots..." I smile/winced, tonguing the split in my lip, "...you might feel a little pinch."

And with that, I kicked Arya hard in the shin, burying the toxin-coated kick shiv in her leg.

[Arya Ravenwing]

"Krasst!" Arya felt a numbness spreading out from where he'd stabbed her leg, almost as if she could track the poison streaking up through her bloodstream. Her Lupine metabolism kicked into high gear as her leg stiffened, and she pulled herself up on the Imperial, straddling his torso in the mud with one knee on his left arm, and trying to wrestle the blaster out of his right hand. Her reflexes were slowing and she felt a little sluggish, but the toxin's effects had nearly reached their peak and would soon wear off completely.

[Tony Maxwell]

Stepping over the Wookiee's still smoldering corpse, Tony bent down to feel in the mud. A zip by his ear reminded him that time was of the essence. His fingers struck metal. Grinning with self satisfaction he wrenched the heavy blaster rifle out of the muck and hoisted it clumsily in his arms. The bowcaster was made for a creature that was nine feet tall and filled with unadulterated rage.

He walked carefully, more carefully than ever before in his life. The drizzle sent water droplets down the length of his nose, loosening mud from his body. Stepping around the smoking speeder he looked down at the two. The mouthy idiot was bloodied. The woman was on top and looked to be in control, but she was noticeably struggling to keep her throne. Lifting the blaster up, he fired it into the air. The loud discharge and bright laser beam was attention catching. The recoil, on the other hand, almost threw the weapon from his skinny arms.

"Let's try being adults, okay?" The weapon was lowered, and aimed, at the two of them.

[Sheldon Esalis]

The were-bitch should have been a sack of meilooruns, but it just figured that she'd be merely groggy and disoriented. Fine, make my job harder! It was at least enough opening for me to pivot and drive my knee up into her, giving enough of a dislodge to scramble to my feet with my weapon still under control. By the time that Dapper Doofy had leveled the bowcaster at us both, I'd retreated to a relatively-comfortable distance, with my pistol leveled at Ravenwing. So it was a Trandoshan standoff.

"Sure thing, dad. Let's start by keeping your nose about thirteen parsecs away from my business, how's that?"

[Arya Ravenwing]

Her leg hurt, but the muscles were loosening and she stood up, trying to watch both men at once. Pisser had the blaster pointed at her, but he was talking, and then he turned his head just enough and looked at The Tony Maxwell.

She took a chance in the dark and rain, turning and running away from the bar and the confrontation to an alleyway where she'd have some cover. His blaster creased her shoulder and Arya swore, but she kept running.

[Tony Maxwell]

The standoff become a two-off when the woman took off running. The sudden movement started Tony, causing him to finger for the trigger, but his finger missed the primary fire and wrapped around the secondary fire nub. The green bolt fired suddenly, the recoil throwing Tony's untrained body to the ground. The bolt barely missed the man's chest, and hit the wall behind him... and reflected off it. The shot began bouncing around the street, off walls, speeder, and the ground itself. Tony curled into a ball on the ground and waiting for the world to start making sense again.