You will know my name

[Lady Frygt]

Rikke leaned in closer to examine the focusing lens of her lightsaber. Just a scratch. The weapon functioned well for a reasonable amount of time, but in a duel with her mother the blade flickered and died. It cost her new scar from elbow to shoulder. Her mother had been more generous than she ought to have been, had Rikke been training an apprentice, she would have taken at least a hand.

As she replaced the lens she thought about Dark Rive. Rive was only her adopted mother. Her genetic mother was out there somewhere, probably enjoying her life, After all, she abandoned her child to the streets of Corellia, she must have had a reason. And apparently her father was scum as well, he did not take her in when her mother didn't want her any more. She sighed and lit a cigarette. Why did you abandon me? What did I do to make you not want me so much? What is so wrong with me? She thought

"What troubles my daughter so deeply?" Darth Rive said upon entering the room.

"My genetic mother. I can't stand the fact that she left me alone like she did. I had to endure so much torment with no one to care for me."

"You are angry with her. Anger is the weapon of the darkside."

"Yes, mother, but this Anger can not seem to be focused, it clouds my mind.

"Indeed. I believe it was responsible for the defect in your weapon. You have not been thinking clearly. I worried the gene mods might have had a side effect. Do you seek revenge?"

"What good would revenge be? She did what she did to me already."

"Revenge has a unique purpose in that it allows the mind to clear itself of clouding anger so that the anger might be focused. Unavenged anger is an impediment."

"Then I will seek Revenge. If the witch is even still alive."

"I have a gift for you, my daughter.

"You owe me no gift."

"But I wish to give you one anyway. Your birth mother is in fact alive, livingon a world in the Deep Core, Shu'on. She is a monk in a light-side monastery equivalent to the rank of Knight. She enjoys a quiet life of mediation and training her Padawan."

"Enjoys?" Rikke was enraged. "ENJOYS!?! She left me! She deserves to enjoy nothing! Why should I had to suffer so she can be happy in her life?" Now Rikke wept openly, Rive drew close and embraced her adopted daughter.

"Rikke." Rive whispered. "Go kill this wretched woman."

Sobbing, Rikke replied, "I will leave tonight, I want this more than anything."

Rive held her daughter closer. It was imperative that Rikke's birth mother be killed as soon as possible. In taking Rikke on as apprentice, Rive was risking her life. Sith apprentices had a longstanding tradition of killing their masters but Rive had no desire to die. Rikke outpowered Rive by on a multitude of levels. However, Rive believed she had developed a plan to preserve her own life while training Rikke to completion. When Rikke sought out the same genetic modifications that Rive had for herself, Rive had Rikke's DNA altered so as to become Rive's genetic offspring. But it concerned Rive that Rikke's birth mother might still be out there and that if Rikke knew this, her loyalty to Rive might falter and then Rive would be dead. Rive intended to kill Rikke's birth mother herself, but if Rikke could do it for her, all the better.

----

"She's out there. In total anguish. She hates me."

Rayna Eclipse sat in front of her student and spoke as the Force filled her feelings with information about her lost daughter. "I fear the Darkside has taken a hold of her mind."

"What shall we do, master?"

"I believe we must interfere. If only to save my life. Murder is in her heart now."

"Can I help master Eclipse?"

Rayna thought for a moment and decided, "Go to Corellia, change her mind if you can, if not... bring her to me."

"At Once my master." The padawan got up to leave immediately.

----

[/i] I hate not flying in my own ship.[/i] Rikke thought, But my mother needed the ship, I could hardly say no. Though, Rikke did wonder where her mother intended to go. She pulled a cigarette from its container and lit it. She coughed. Why do I do this again? Oh yeah, anxiety attacks, somehow it helps. She needed to find a ship that would take her to Shu'on.

"Looking for passage miss?" a woman said with a smile.

Rikke forced a fake smile, hiding most of her teeth so as to appear somewhat like a normal human. "I am. I seek to go to Shu'on in the-"

"--deep core." the pilot finished for her. "I'm familiar with the area, I can get you there in less than 3 days, and returned at your leisure."

"Excellent, I will pay you 30 thousand credits for your service."

"30 thou... very generous, my lady."

"Indeed it is. we leave immediately.

----

Day 1.

I'm going to see my genetic mother for the first time in almost 30 years. I don't know what she even looks like. I have no memories of her face, nor an inkling of feeling of being around her. But what I do have is that unending sensation of loss. Since she left me, msybe when I was 2 or 3, It's been an unending replay of that moment of loss. The doctors said my obsession was unnatural, but confirmed that it caused a significant amount of distress so they tried to treat it. But no luck there either. I had to learn to cope with it. For a while I was on spice... again. but it's temporary oblivion failed to create any lasting solution. The only lasting thing the spice gave me was chronic pain in my spine and extremities. I wish I could forget this person forever. I hate that I was ever born to her. My mother, the new, truer one, Darth Rive tells me that I ought to be pleased to be alive. That despite the endless pain, there is pleasure in my existence, however much pain accompanies it. If she refers to being in each other's company, then there is indeed pleasure in life. Though my hatred and anger for my birth mother spoils it all. What good is a nerf steak if it is polluted by the spores of mold? But my revenge shall end it once and for all.



"writing a diary?" the Pilot said to her.

"Yes, I was. what do you want pilot?" Rikke said bitterly.

"The auto pilot is set for the rest of the hyperspace trip. I have a little down time and thought we could chat."

Rikke sighed and embraced the irritation wellingup in her. "Then chat."

"You have genetic modifications?"

Rikke smiled fully, exposing the length of teeth as wide as her face. "What was the first clue?"

"The scar line on your cheeks, to be honest. it's a frightening look."

"That's by design, pilot."

"What brings you to Shu'on?"

"I need to end some unfinished business."

"I don't mean to pry, but I noticed the lightsaber... you're no Jedi are you."

Rikke laughed in a giggly manner. "Sith knight, actually." This pilot was agitating her, she contemplated severing her head and skinning her face off for a trophy.

Upon feeling through the Force Rikke's potential intentions, Sanja swallowed nervously. "I didn't know Sith were a thing anymore."

Rikke laughed, "Don't call it a come back."

"This unfinished business..."

"I'm going to find my birth mother... and kill her."

"Why!?"

"When I was a child, she abandoned me on the streets of Coronet. I never quite got over it."

"Murder is very illegal, not to mention morally bankrupt."

"There is no peace without revenge."

"You need not revenge but acceptance.Your mother wronged you, yes. What was done can not be undone. Accept this and move past your anger."

"I have no duty to this. Do you really think it is just if the wronged should accept the injustice of the unjust?"

"Interesting point, but if all wrongs were avenged, the galaxy would be in chaos."

"Really? Would you wrong a fellow person if you knew that the person had every right to avenge the wrong done to them?"

"I would not wrong a person, simple because it is morally void."

"This might work for you, but I think the rest of the galaxy doesn't follow this moral code."

"The galaxy can be taught."

"The galaxy will not accept a code that requires them to hope no one will wrong them and to 'just gert over it' if they are wronged and hurt."

"And they would accept a populist version of vigilante justice?"

"Of course, it is sentient nature. We seek justice, not for justice sake but to feel at peace. Revenge is the surest path to this end."

"These are frightening insights, Lady..."

"Frygt. Lady Frygt."

"Frygt... Marksdansk?"

"In fact."

"I will think about your words."

"And I yours."

---

Day 2

[i]With each passing day I can taste my revenge. My witch mother will soon pay for her transgressions against me. I wonder if she can feel it coming, her lost daughter out to recify the awful fate given to her for her mothers actions. I hope she can. I hope the fire of my rage burns her in its approaching. I suspect, if I am strong in the force, she or m,y fasther must both have been stromng in it as well. Perhaps through the Force she can see my face and feel my hatred. I sincerely hope she can and I hope it gives her great fear and regret.
The pilot continues to be a source of irritation. I suspect her of being some sort of Jedi agent. I hope she realizes I will kill her if she gets in my way. Perhaps, she can be turned... I missmy true mother, I need her advice very much.

"Do you worry about how fulfilling your revenge might affect you? Possibly in ways you might not like?"

"Do you trust the force?"

"Of course."

"I am Sith, I trust the Force as well. But I trust the Darkside. In situastions like mine, the darkside prescribes Revenge. I trust that."

"But what if Revenge only makes you feel worse?"

"It might. But I don't think so. Action has consequence, yes?

"Yes."

"My mothers action was to abandon me in an alleyway and allow a child to be enslaved to traffickers. My revenge is the consequence to that action."

"The difference is that you can choose the consequence to that action, whereas the past has already happened. In your place I would choose love and forgiveness."

Rikke snorted, "Could you choose those things having been beaten and raped as I have been?"

"I would try."

"You would fail.

"You've tried, I sense this, but you must try harder."

"I do not want this.I want an end to this pain, I can live with it no longer."

"Rikke, understand that the darkside is deforming you."

"Do I look deformed to you?" Rike smiled, exposing her hideous teeth fully.

"You look inhuman."

"I remind you, this is by design, it reflects my inside."

"If your inside is this deformed, then you must be suffering."

"One only suffers when the reject natural emotion."

"These emotions are wrong!"

"My emotions are mine... Jedi."

Sanja's eyes widened at the word. "I'm no Jedi, just a philosopher pilot."

Rikke laughed, "Don't try to lie to a liar, Sanja Lux"

"It matters not, events are in play. I can affect only my reactions."

"How noble. Does my mother train you in such ways?"

"Your mother is a great Jedi in our Order, she has enlightened my mind in ways I never believed possible."

"Do you love your master?"

"Deeply."

"Do you think it fair that she foresaken her child and found happiness in adopting her apprentices like children?"

"Rikke, I swear to you, your revenge will only bring you darkness, not happiness."

Rikke snorted, "I thrive in the darkness."

---

The woman is in fact a Jedi of my mother's Order. That my mother would send another to resolve her problems creates a fury inside my mind. I may kill the woman, this Sanja Lux. I wish her great harm. However, her mind has been of use in leading me to further understand the justice of the Darkside. I wish my true mother was here, the paths before me are clouded, except murdering my birth mother, that much is clear, but this Sanja Lux is a problem. I understand now that the Darkside requires ensuring the consequence to every action. But what eludes me is whether the consequence to my mother's abandonment includes executing her apprentice as well. I will meditate on this.

"I think you contemplate my murder."

"Do you fear it?"

"All creatures fear death."

"Shouldn't a Jedi not fear death."

"The human animal I am fears death, But I, as a Jedi, do not. If my death has been decided, then I accept my fate without hesitation."

"You Jedi... you devote so much time and energy denying your very nature as animal creatures and trying to become some unnatural being."

"It is not unnatural to seek goodness."

"Yes, but goodness can only be attained by realizing the parameters of our animal existence."

"Goodness is an attainable goal for all intelligent creatures."

"Relative goodness is attainable, but you Jedi build an imaginary deity that no sentient species could ever become. You'll always be in search of more good. god like benevolence is impossible. The Sith realize this and aim for only whsat we can achieve as imperfect animals."

"Murdering your mother is good?"

Rikke paused and let the darkside illuminate her mind. "Not in itself, you lose sight of what transpires between mother and I. The consequence of action is what is good in this situation. My mother's crime will not go unpunished any longer. That is good."

"I refuse to accept that good can come from an evil action."

"Which is why you will fail."

It was seconds before the two adversaries had ignighted their lightsabers and the blades were clashing together, red against blue. Through the Force Rikke could feel Sanja's strength. The lightside was no push over, Dark devours light She cxhasnted in her mind and opened to the darkside completely, I need your power... She called silently to the darkside and quickly remembered what it felt to let the Darkside take control.

For a moment in the freedom of the Darkside she saw through Sanja's eyes. She denies her fear, but she is terrified of me. From Sanja's point of view she saw her own face smile grimly, her teeth in jagged rows. From her own point of view she could see the fear in Sanja's eyes plainly.

"Embrace the fear and know real power." Rikke taunted and licked her teeth.

"I am the light." Sanja whispered "I fear no darkness."

Sanja parried Rikke's thrusts. Rikke leaned in close to Sanja's ear, "You know nothing of my darkness." Sanja hacked to kill.

Rikke parried, "My hatred is eternal."

Rikke rerturned with a near slash, "The darkness that I know-"

Sanja slashed so close to Rikke's head that the heat of the lightsaber burst her ear drum. Rikke felt nothing, her self was elsewhere.

"-is greater than both of us combined."

Inside her mind, Rikke felt a rush of emotion break forward. From her own eyes, she saw that Sanja wept. Sanja said to her, "there is goodness in you, Rikke."

"Perhaps, but my path is in the darkness."

"It doesn't have to be!"

They parried Rikke felt the darkside slipping from her, Sanja was unnerving her. Without the Darkside to guide her, Sanja could easily best her in combat. She needed to score the decisive blow, fast.

"Have you learned nothing?" Sanja replied, hoping to regain strength in the Darkside. "The darkside is the only possible path for us!" Rikke felt a swell of energy through her. Again she left her body.

Through Sanja's ears she heard herself say, "Forsake the Jedi and join me!" Sanja's mind balked at this on instinct. Being a Jedi was very much an integral part of Sanja's sense of self. If Sanja could nopt imsagine the power and freedom of the Darkside, then perhaps she could force Sanja to imagine it and influence the Jedi's decision.

"I.. will.." Sanja tried to say beyond Rikke's influence.

Rikke projected images of unlimited power and unrestricted freedom in Sanja's mind. On a weaker mind, Rikke knew she would find success. But Sanja had a will stronger than anything than she had ever met.

Rikke returned to her own mind, parried Sanja's hack to the floorof the ship, the metal hissed and popped as the blade penetrated the durasteel floor. this is my chance!

"NEVER!" Sanja declared. But before Rikke could react, her bones had sprung from her finger tips and impaled the woman's eyes.

Sanja released her lightsaber and reached for her eyes, Rikke withdrew the bonesinto her forearms. Gritting her pointed teeth in pain she looked to see if Sanja had any fight left in her. Blood gushed from between the woman's fingers as she covered her eyes.

"If you won't join me, I have no other choices." Rikke said as she pulled Sanja's lightsaber from the floor, deactivated it and clipped it to her belt.

"Ohhh, my eyes, my eyes!" Sanja screamed.

"Where is your passivity, Jedi?" Rikke asked and neared her blade to Sanja's abdomen.

Sanja gasped and asked, "Will you kill me?"

"No. I will make you hate me."

And Rikke severed the Jedi's legs from her body.

[Lady Frygt]

"Iulia." The old woman said as Rikke stepped through the doorway of the simply designed mud hut. The woman sat on a wooden stool, behind a matching simple table. A pen and notebook resting idly in front of her.

"That is not my name." Rikke said defiantly.

"Then what is your name?"

"It depends on who you ask. The street kids called me Rikke. My pimp advertised me as Ohmanova. My dealer called me Skinny. But my new mother calls me Darth Frygt, but I prefer Rikke most of the time."

"Then you've gone to the Darkside, I see. I suppose at least your father would be proud."

"What did you expect? that you could dump your own child in an alleyway and that she'd grow up to be a well adjusted Jedi?"

"I never wanted that for you."

"Then why did you do it!? The only thing worse than dying was living."

"It was a complicated time for me."

Rikke moved closer to the table, but remained standing, glaring.

"I had fallen to the Darkside and entered a bit of a wilderness period, when I left the Sith Order, I had enraged my master and infuriated your father. To make finding me through the force difficult, I developed a nasty spice habit. I was very poor, doing sex work to eat every day, I knew I couldn't take care of both you and I and that if I had to choose, I would pick myself every time, I was so tainted by the Darkside then."

Rikke snorted and spoke when the woman turned to her. "Funny. Everything I hate about myself, you did before me."

"Yes. It is unfortunate that you inherited all your father's power and still all of my mistakes."

"Even the powerful make mistakes. Power repairs mistakes, but does not prevent them."

"You sound like my old master."

"Southstar?"

"Has he found you?"

"In a way, but he's powerless now."

"Resurrection protocol, I helped him design it."

"When you finish your business with me, find him and kill him before it's too late."

"Bold words for a Jedi."

"Even Jedi know that some people are too dangerous to be left alive."

"Southstar is that dangerous?"

"Absolutely.I went from pretending infiltrator to completely fallen by his hand. Once he learned my mission, he decided to ruin me completely."

A shocking realization came to Rikke., "It wasn't your fault."

"No. I had a responsibility to raise you. The ultimate failure is mine."

"But none of that would have happened if he didn't manipulate you."

"And I wouldn't have been there if Master Neen hadn't sent me. You can assign blame as far back ad infinitum but we live in the present, each person is responsible for their own wrongdoing. The choice to become dark is ultimately mine. Worse people than I have resisted temptation better than I did."

"I know the power of the Darkside, I don't think most Jedi ever encounter it in it's full power."

"Vader."

"Who? What? I believe it entirely possible that the Darkside is an insurmountable power that is better embraced responsibly than resisted."

"Your master teaches you this?"

"No, I realize this as it is revealed to me."

"You will become the most powerful Sith this galaxy has ever known."

"That is not my desire, I just want to know about how the galaxy really works and help if I can."

"You don't sound like a Sith."

"The Darkside demands that we seek our self interests, my self interest is understanding and leading others to understanding. This will make my life worth living."

"Perhaps, you're more my daughter than I thought. You see the Darkside unlike any Sith I have ever met, and what of the light?"

"The light is an aberration. A fiction imagined by intellectuals wishing for something better than sentient nature. But if sentient life could be any different than it is now, it would be so. Adhering to the light is a waste of time, all Jedi will fail because sentient nature will triumph in the end just as it has for millenia."

"Rikke, look at all you've learned and discovered. Would you have done these great things had I stayed with you?"

"Maybe. But if you think I'm going to praise you for allowing my continuous rape for 5 years, you're mistaken."

"Rikke. I can not express my sincere regret at what I've done to you. I deserve nothing less than what you've come to do."

"Then why did you send your apprentice to stop me?"

"I did not realize how much I'd wronged you, until now. Sending Sanja was a mistake. You hasve her lightsaber... I presume she died?"

"Just critically injured."

"I can't feel her in the light anymore."

Rikke smiled.

"Sanja too... The Darkside has swallowed my life whole."

"Or... as you said, "Sanja's turn to the Darkside is not anyone's responsibility but hers."

"Then I am guilty of the consequences of my own time in the dark."

"But I am responsible for my choice to take the dark path. To my credit, I think."

"I abandoned you. I deserve worse than death."

"No, you made a rational decision based on the circumstances that Southstar put you in."

"I hold him responsible."

Through the Force, Rikke heard her master calling for her. Darth Frygt, don't you dare come home until that woman is dead. To her surprise, Rive was powerful enough to not only see events as they transpired, but know her thoughts as well. Again, she had underestimated the Darkside. She replied, Yes, my master.

Rikke felt conflicted. She knew now that her blame and anger was misdirected at her birth mother when truely Southastar's manipulations were to blame. Now she knew that killing her mother would not alleviate her pain, but killing Southstar would.

"You feel conflict, butI know what I deserve. I chose myself over you at your most vulnerable state. Southstar might hsave put me in that situation, but I chose to act the way I did on my own."

Rikke bit her lip, an old habit, but with her modified teeth, she bit through and tasted blood. "

"Just as you deserve all the credit for your decision to follow the darkside and create new insights and understandings. You deserve praise because this is your action. I birthed you, your master trained you, no one deserves praise or recognition for your work except you. Therefore I deserve the punishment that is due."

"You're right." Rikke reached into the darkside to locate her anger. If she was to see her mission through, she would need help. "But I am sorry. I wish I'd hd thisinformation before I started hating you. My anger was misdirected to you."

"Then let my parting advice be that you ought to not rush into jusgement before you are sure you have the entire story. Or else you will be responsible for further wrongdoing."

"I will live by this until I die, mother." Rikke ignighted her lightsaber, the red hue filled the room. She reached in vain for the Darkside to csarry her through this moment. Perhaps if only there was another way to end her life, if she could let the Darkside take control.

Rikke said, tears in her eyes, "mother, I do not even know your name."

"I have been called Rayna Eclipse my whole life, you were Iulia Eclipse, your father, the knight Jorshal Vuntana. I loved you, but all I ever did was hurt you, I'm sorry.

Rikke raised her blade to attack ready hoping desperately thst the motions would take over and she wouldn't have to...

"Rikke, my daughter, I committed the greatest wrongdoing a mother could do to her child. I deserve death, I hope that I might atone in some small way for what I've done by sparing you the burden of my execution."

The green blade scorched Rayna's abdomen when she ignighted it with the hilt pressed firmly to her body. Rikke felt her pain through the Force and finally the Darkside touched her again, giving her strength to act. Rikke watched through tear soaked eyes as her first mother bent over and writhed in agony until several minutes later she finally died. The whole time the Darkside prodded her to end the slow death, so she wouldn't have to live with the memory of leading her mother to a painful, lasting suicide. But Rikke resisted the urge, her presence on Shu'on caused this, she ought to be strong enough to asccept the results of her actions, after all that was where her mother failed when she abandoned Rikke in Coronet.

In the still night air, Rikke watched the funeral pyre with the disabled Sanja Lux. She said, "Would you tell me about my mother?"