Nerdmas Plots: Space Westerns!

[Captain Untouchable]

I lost my Western movie virginity while in Alabama. Charley was gentle but persistent, and while haven't seen everything it went on for several nights, and I've learned all kinds of rad new things.

Inevitably, Charley and I threw some ideas around for a Star Wars version of the Wild West, which we'd like to do on Tatooine. Our idea is that after the Imperials were forced to withdraw from that area (under the terms of the treaty), some/many of the Sandtroopers in the garrison there were left behind and are now a sort of bandit gang a little like the Cowboys from Tombstone, or the Red Legs raider people from The Outlaw Josey Wales. Our story would start off with a town under the "protection" of these ex-Imperials, who we would presumably oust, earn the ire of, and engage in numerous skirmishes and shenanigans with, with a liberal sprinkling of every Western trope we can think of.

We have ideas up the wazoo, and there are plenty of Westerns out there for us to plunder for a good long time. Charley and I are going to run around in this sandbox regardless... but are there any more Western fans out there who want to grab a spade and dig in too?

[Loklorien s'Ilancy]

Heavens yes! Charley has been talking about it while we've been watching Deadwood, and I'm more than a little excited about this. I already know who I'm going to use ^_^

[Captain Untouchable]

Of course you know who you are going to use: Jodie Foster. :mischief

Also, say hi to Cowboy Bobby for me when you're next watching Deadwood! ;)

[Dasquian Belargic]

Pencil me in as a tentative yes? I need to actually watch some westerns first ^_^;

[Captain Untouchable]

Definitely start with Tombstone. That's what Charley started me with: it's got all the elements of a Western but is a more familiar / faster pace than other Westerns tend to be... plus Val Kilmer's character is utter amazeballs, as is the supporting cast of facial hair.

The Outlaw Josey Wales is another Clint Eastwood movie. Remember when Charley was telling us about the rivalry between Kansas and Missouri, and the whole football fan t-shirt with the burned-to-shit village? This is a movie about that, with the addition of an epic old Native American guy. Also, Josey Wales is not just a deadly shot with a pistol: he can also snipe with his spitting tobacco. I think at one point he spat it on a frog or a lizard or something. Pro skills right there.

Unforgiven is also worth watching. Charley got me to watch The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly first (for a taste of quintessential Clint Eastwood), but I don't think you really need it. The story is about someone who used to be the quintessential western gunslinger... but he's retired, old, and broken, and it's an astoundingly good character piece regardless of genre. It also has Maximum Hackman, which is quite possibly the western genre's greatest contribution to cinema.

The Quick and the Dead is a Sam Raimi movie, that has all of the cliché tropes. It has Maximum Hackman. It has a Clint Eastwood style "man with no name", though played by Sharon Stone. It's got sixteen-year-old Leonardo Di Caprio being awesome. Russell Crowe in handcuffs. A bunch of caricature gunslingers... and Captain frikkin' Anderson as a cowboy. I'd save this one until you've seen a couple of others, if only because you will pee yourself laughing every time they do super exaggeration face zoom. :lol

Also, watch Maverick if you get the chance: it's Mel Gibson playing Sanis Prent, and he spends most of the movie hitting on Jodie Foster. I dunno what it was like when Charley and Christin met, but from now on I'm going to pretend that Maverick is the cinematic adaptation. :uhoh

[Dasquian Belargic]

Doc Holliday :love

[Jaan Furlow]

Y' are a woman of discernin' taste, Miss Jones. :clint

[Cirrsseeto Quez]

I will probably find a way to make a character using brad dourif for this

[Torik Beirhannon]

Since running afoul of that cocksucking Jedi girl and her Alliance-fucking lapdogs all them years back, I found cause to park myself on Tatooine and find better business opportunities. Easy to find on a backwater dust-rotted dirtworld; you just gotta know where the real money is, and thanks to Imperial credits and sex-starved stormtroopers, I landed the fucking jackpot. Course now if the Empire pulls out, I'm not so sure my prospects are as profitable. Never know though...







(I'm so glad I still have this account ^_^ )

[Jaan Furlow]

An' how might y' be caterin' for these sex-starved Imperials, Mister Beirhannon? If y' have a cure for that particular ailment, ah might be interested in engagin' the services required.

:mischief

[Patience Darklighter]

Ain't nothin in this flea-bitten spaceport 'cept vaporator hooch and sandy cunt, and I ain't got temperance to scrape out to all y'all ignorant motherfuckers so whens I fall down on account of my condition, best keep your goddamned hands off and be on your merry, you insufferable sons of bitches

[Yoss]

Tattooine is drought, and destruction, and disease, and depravity, and death. If there's a light at the center of this goddamned galaxy. If there's anything good and noble and virtuous, we're on the planet it's farthest from. So far that light just don't shine out. I'm tired. So tired. The heat boils at my soul, the steam rises in my head and cooks my brain. And there is no good to come of it.

[Torik Beirhannon]

Yoss is a fatalist. Pay him no heed beyond lookin' at him. And Patience? That slack-jawed flapping mouth of hers don't quit, so I would advise you invest in some earplugs. Bitch just ain't worth a dewback nag, and she's more washed up than a drowned Quarren.

Now, you want a bed and a body to go with, you come to me. Choicest pussy you're ever gonna find in the Outer Rim, I fuckin' promise you.

[Quinn]

It might've been choice back in the day, but women don't show up on this dustball all that often; by now it ain't just those girls' morals that's loose. You'd probably more likely to get traction crotch down in the Pit a' Carkoon than in any a' Torik's girl. Don't waste your credits on the word a' some krayt oil salesman - better t' save 'em up and buy a ticket off this rock soon as you can.

[Torik Beirhannon]

Hell no they don't show up; not of their own fucking accord at least.

Now. Might I suggest that you head out into the desert and try slinging your words to those heathen sand people? They'd probably take to your brand of character.

[Quinn]

Care t' give me directions? From the sound a' the nerve-gratin' sounds that tumble out every time you open that yap a' yours, my guess is that you an' the Tuskens are a' silimar ilk.

[Patience Darklighter]

You sons of bitches and your incessant fucking bumping of gums is out of goddamned time with this drum beatin' in my head, so if the none of you is gonna lean on them walls to make this room stop turnin' on end why don't you cease your candor with a mutual dick in mouth and remove yourselves from this goddamned premises-ses.

[Elias Akasha]

I don't think anyone has started just yet (sorry if you have and I've not noticed :uhoh)

After a bit of research, I think that Wayfar (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Wayfar) is probably our best bet for a setting. It's pretty much the most western / Tombstone sounding place on Tatooine, it's remote as hell, pretty close to Jabba's Palace and it's only really featured in Star Wars Galaxies so we can take as many liberties with it as we like.

Here's (http://static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100202182037/swg/images/4/4f/Lesser_POIs_tatooine.jpg) the map of Tatooine from Star Wars Galaxies, which is a touch sketchy on resolution but it should suit our purposes. You can see Wayfar in the southwest; Bestine (the capital), Anchorhead, and the Darklighter Estate to the south; and Mos Eisley to the southeast. Tuskan territories - including Fort Tuskan - is to the northwest. Mos Espa (from Episode I) is just before you get to the Tuskan shizzle; and off to the eastish is Mos Entha, which is basically a less seedy version of Mos Eisley and is the "main" starport for the planet.

Based on this stuff, I'll be starting something off later today. :dance

[Maximus Whitesun]

Your delivery of Maximum Hackman has arrived! :D

http://theholo.net/forum/showthread.php?55312-White-Suns-of-Wayfar

To scene set a teensy bit: basically, Commander Whitesun leads a gang (the White Suns) made up mostly of Imperials who used to be Sandtroopers and such. He has graciously taken the town of Wayfar under his protection and has proclaimed himself Marshal (ie. sheriff). In return for his generosity, all he asks is a little respect, a little ego-stroking, and a little obedience. If not? Well, you know.

Sandtroopers. :|

[Dasquian Belargic]

I have too many westerns still to watch yet :uhoh every time I go to watch something, I get distracted by replying to roleplays!

[Isssiodorr Enssiss]

jYou all arre sscrrewed now, bjitchess. Ssomeone hass sset a cat amongsst jyour pjigeonss. :smokin

[Cyurn Varless]

Would it be at all conducive to our setting to have a moisture farmer near town? I'm thinking someone who's making a lot of money, and misery, out of controlling Wayfar's water supply.

:D

[Quinn]

God damn water tycoons, tryin' to profit off people's basic needs. Think you can swoop in here, scoop me up into that there monopoly a' yours, leave these poor townsfolk scratchin' in the dust?

Get off my land. :mad

[Veryk Sylderov]

*lights a cigar and observes*

[Mjol Starwind]

With all these wealthy tycoons running around taking advantage of the normal folk, it looks like there's a need for someone to take a stand against them. :clint



That's the sort of thing you say, right? :uhoh

[Isssiodorr Enssiss]

A stand, Mister Starwind?

Well now. Ain't that a mighty fine idea. :clint

[Maximus Whitesun]

That sounds like a mighty fine way to get yourselves shot, gentlemen.

:|

[Quinn]

Jus' folks talkin', Marshal, they don't mean nothin' by it. Ain't no need to need to go gettin' nothin' in a bunch.

That's right, ain't it boys? Gonna shut y' mouths now? :colbert

[Gabriel Starwind]

:colbert ....


Starwind....?

[Jaan Furlow]

Well, ain't you just the most borin' killjoy this side a' the Dune Sea? :|

Lighten up an' cut the scowlin' there, old man. Winds are a' changin' around here, and if y' not careful y' might find y' face stuck like that.

:shootin

[Quinn]

:colbert ....


Starwind....?

Guessin' you two ain't related, son.

Not unless your ma bin' lettin' the wrong sorta folks betwix her nethers.

[Gabriel Starwind]

...shouldn't talk about the dead like that. :|

[Quinn]

Y' more than welcome t' come try an' teach me a lesson in manners.

Boy. :mad