Charley
Apr 25th, 2005, 09:14:30 PM
I need the details-oriented nerds on this one:
I don't know if you're aware of the "Fat pilot" theory of Star Wars, but I'm trying to establish that it is in fact in every episode of Star Wars. Basically, what it boils down to is that George Lucas inwardly hates himself. He hates fat people, which is ultimately what he has become, as has his fanbase - at least in his mind.
The evidence in the original trilogy is...sobering. Not only does a fat pilot die in A New Hope, but they named him PORKINS of all things. Where were all the Episode 1 race-relations nit-pickers when that turd splashed out of the toilet? The Empire Strikes Back continues the assault. Poor Hobbie, guilty of carrying a little more baby fat than the arithmetic mean of Rebel pilots, also bites the dust. Return of the Jedi completes the cycle, with the death of "Fat guy with moustache" in the second death star's reactor tunnel.
When the prequels came out, we expected a relenting of this persecution and we were so wrong. Although on the screen for only half a second, one of the Naboo starfighters is clearly being piloted by a clone of Mark McGuire with some kind of weight-gaining thyroid imbalance. True to formula, his Naboo fighter is shredded by the guns of the droid control ship.
Now, what I am looking for is some kind of tangible evidence that there is a fat pilot somewhere in Attack of the Clones, who also meets a terrible demise. Perhaps it's nothing more than a day when Temeura Morrison is retaining water, or perhaps it is more. There is a missing link to be found here, and I intend to find it.
(This is only for the purposes of me putting on an orange jumpsuit, white boots and gloves, and a "SAVE PORKINS" T-shirt when I go see this movie. I don't know why)
I don't know if you're aware of the "Fat pilot" theory of Star Wars, but I'm trying to establish that it is in fact in every episode of Star Wars. Basically, what it boils down to is that George Lucas inwardly hates himself. He hates fat people, which is ultimately what he has become, as has his fanbase - at least in his mind.
The evidence in the original trilogy is...sobering. Not only does a fat pilot die in A New Hope, but they named him PORKINS of all things. Where were all the Episode 1 race-relations nit-pickers when that turd splashed out of the toilet? The Empire Strikes Back continues the assault. Poor Hobbie, guilty of carrying a little more baby fat than the arithmetic mean of Rebel pilots, also bites the dust. Return of the Jedi completes the cycle, with the death of "Fat guy with moustache" in the second death star's reactor tunnel.
When the prequels came out, we expected a relenting of this persecution and we were so wrong. Although on the screen for only half a second, one of the Naboo starfighters is clearly being piloted by a clone of Mark McGuire with some kind of weight-gaining thyroid imbalance. True to formula, his Naboo fighter is shredded by the guns of the droid control ship.
Now, what I am looking for is some kind of tangible evidence that there is a fat pilot somewhere in Attack of the Clones, who also meets a terrible demise. Perhaps it's nothing more than a day when Temeura Morrison is retaining water, or perhaps it is more. There is a missing link to be found here, and I intend to find it.
(This is only for the purposes of me putting on an orange jumpsuit, white boots and gloves, and a "SAVE PORKINS" T-shirt when I go see this movie. I don't know why)