You can have one or the other (Keira)

[Maxim Vasilijev]

It had been a week. And it had been a long one. While he had been busy, fully entrenched with his training and catching up on the things that had been going on with the Order, the politics of it all, the days had passed. And they had passed quickly.

But it was the nights. The nights when he would lie in his own bed back at the Order and it would feel…well, empty. Because it was. Keira wasn’t there. He had reached for his com several times in the middle of night. Sometimes he dialed her com number and before it could ring, he hung up. Other times, he let it ring, and there was often no answer. He tried to remind himself that it was likely because she slept so darn soundly – but other times he tortured himself with the thought that she might….well….she might be out with another guy.

Had he blown it? Had he ruined their friendship? Should he have just…should he have just told her that things had changed and put it all out there on the line to see if maybe…maybe she felt the same way?

He couldn’t decide which was worse. Wondering if he had ruined things, or knowing that in trying to make this work as friends, he would forever be tortured by the existence, or possible existence of another guy in Keira’s life.

His master, Lady Vader, had given him the night and the next day off. He had been working hard, he’d been making progress, and his return had been relatively seamless. A part of him wondered if going into the city was a good idea – that maybe he and Keira would argue again. But then there was that other part of him, the more stubborn part that refused to listen to anything but the desire to see Keira.

As he parked his speeder, he pulled out his com to contact Keira. One ring….two rings….

[Keira]

Kei sat on the edge of her bed, it was just one more place to rest. It was in fact all she had been doing moving from room to room since Max had left. Unable to function, unable to believe that he was gone. She had ruined everything, and now she didn’t know how to bring back there friendship to the way it was. The night he had left he had told her it would be ok but for Kei nothing would ever be ok again, and part of her wished she had risked telling him.

"Maybe he feels the same Kei maybe he loves you the way you love him." Her sad voice filled the empty apartment. Talking out loud had kept her company before.....Before Max had re entered her life. Now it was just a lonely sound. Kei knew it was all ruined they would never go back to being the friends they were. He could tell she loved him and he left because he didn’t love her back, well not that way.

The com rang and her eyes dulled by lack of sleep turned toward it. It had rang off and on throughout the week and she couldn’t bring herself to pick it up. Kei didn’t want to talk to anyone, unless it was Max and she didn’t think he would be calling anytime soon. Besides she didn’t want him to see her so tore up. She would not let him see her so weak. She thought perhaps if he saw her as little miss party, little miss nothing gets to me he would see she only wanted friendship. Not the dreaded love that always hurt. Maybe then he would come back and it would all be ok.

Kei flopped back onto the bed the com in her hand. She had picked it up without realizing it....

"Yeah?" Was all she said, with no irritation in her voice just a wistful yearning.....

[Maxim Vasilijev]

“So I don’t have a date tonight….” He began, trying to act the way he had always acted around Keira, trying to do as she had requested of him – start over and act like it all had been before…before whatever strangeness had occurred.

“And I figured if someone as good looking and fun to be around as me didn’t have anything going on, than no one else on the planet had anything going on either…” His voice was teasing. Sure, there was a hit of cockiness to it, for Maxim was a pretty confident guy, but he didn’t seriously believe everything he was saying. It was more just a joke between he and Keira – it was their way of making it seem just fine that it was a Friday night and they were without plans.

“I figured maybe I’d stop by and see if I could convince you to help me get something started in this town….” His voice sounded far more positive, far more confident than he felt inside about that prospect. Inside he was already preparing himself to hear that she had a date – that she was in the middle of one and he was interrupting.

“What do you say, Kei? You up for it?” Truly, he would far have preferred just going to her place tonight and hanging there. But he knew, oh how he knew how dangerous that could be – for it was there, in that apartment, that this oddness between them had begun. The temptation.

And he was trying to avoid it. He thought that maybe if they were out…maybe they could go back to the way it used to be. And he would have to be happy with that – because he wasn’t going to get what he really wanted.

[Keira]

Kei heard his voice over the com, Max, his voice had always made her smile. This time it caused her heart to beat harder. His voice.....She had been waiting for what seemed like an eternity to hear him again though just a week had passed. For once Kei didn’t know what to say to him, well the right thing to say anyway. She knew what her heart wanted to say but it was something Max just didn’t want to hear.

She would rather stay in and seduce him and frell the consequences. She would rather be alone but it was obvious he would rather not even be alone with her, perhaps afraid she would tell him more than he could take.


“What do you say, Kei? You up for it?”

"Sure Max.....You know me, up for anything when it comes to a good time." Her voice was strained. For him she would sacrifice everything, she could pretend even though it was not in her nature to do so.

"Come on up, ima jump in the shower and get ready. Make yourself at home Max." Kei said softly, hurt still there and a slight amount of bitterness.

"I'm glad you came....." The com clicked off with those words. Kei hurried into the shower not wanting him to see her mussed hair and lack of sleep showing on her face. She could pretend that all was well if it meant making him happy, even though it broke her heart......

[Maxim Vasilijev]

She was there. And she wanted to hang out with him. It was almost too good to believe. He felt a huge amount of relief wash over him, and then he made a very concerted effort to collect himself. He had to keep himself together. He had to remember to act like…before. As the com clicked off, he used his key card – he’d never given it back when he had moved out – and entered the building.

It was odd to enter the lift, the lift he and Keira had stumbled into in a drunken state more times than he could even recount. It made him a little sad, knowing that tomorrow he would return to the order and leave Kei behind again. Tonight, even, maybe. Afterall, it probably wouldn’t be best for him to stay there. Wouldn’t that only compound things?

He walked into the apartment and could still hear the water running in the shower. He moved to the fridge and helped himself to a beer before sitting down on the couch and turning on the holovid to catch the sports headlines while he waited for Kei to get ready.

He knew that it could be a while. Quite a while, if Kei was in one of her moods where she hated everything she tried on.

He took a good slug of his beer and rested his head back on the pillows, closing his eyes and wishing….

[Keira]

Kei stood in the shower for a long time, the hot water rushing over her small frame. It plastered her hair to the sides of her face and washed away the old tears that had dried there. She would not allow new ones to form she was done with crying. Kei had decided that she would throw herself back into life, in between the shampooing and conditioning.

"I will not let this break me, if I can't have him as a lover than I will keep him as a friend." She whispered harshly to herself. She had to learn how to maintain in front of him, she could spend her lonely night brooding but never in front of him again.

Stepping from the shower she grimaced. Debating between looking her best to not caring. She decided to go full force tonight. Kei swept the sides of her hair back from her face, pinning them there and; leaving the rest to hang free down her back. Pink lipstick and minimal makeup was all she allowed her blond beauty and deep tan. Sliding on a pair of tight knit pants and matching shirt she was ready well before she should have been.

Stepping from the room she spotted Max, his head tilted back, his lips full and waiting to be kissed. She wanted to....But knew he would only hate her more for the gesture of love. So she stood there studying his every line, memorizing features she knew all to well. Loving him and unable to have him the way she wanted.

Kei stepped forward her hand poised above his head ready to brush back the hair that fell across his forehead, unsure if she should even do that......

[Maxim Vasilijev]

He had fallen asleep. Soundly. It had been a very long week, his nights had been sleepless and his days packed with activity – all of the training he had missed out on in his weeks of absence. And he was sound enough asleep to forget where he was. And so when something in the force warned him of a foreign object approaching his forehead, his hand snapped out to catch Keira’s in a tight grip. His eyes flew open and he was prepared for…

Prepared for battle. But not prepared for the vision of beauty that stared back at him in surprise. Instantly his grip softened, but his hand did not drop hers. His heart beat harder in his chest than it had when being warned of misbehaviors by Lady Vader. Harder than it had pounded when his life had been on the line.

“Kei…” It was the only word that he could manage as his dark eyes gazed upon her. It was so good to see her again – the past week had felt far longer than that.

“I fell asleep…” He explained, the exhaustion evident in his voice. He sounded tired. And as he had always done in the past, in his tired state, he tugged her gently to him, pulling her down onto the couch to be with him.

“Was your week ok?” He asked as he gazed at her, his eyes taking in the vision before him. It felt good to see her. And he tossed aside caring about trying to make things the way they were. Instead he chose to just be himself. Chose to stop caring so much about making things as they were and instead just relaxing into whatever it was they were now.

[Keira]

The look in Max's eyes when he grabbed her hand was enough to make Kei want to jump from her skin. He looked as though he would kill her, or at least put a hurting on her. She wondered just what kind of training he had been receiving. Her hand had been tightly trapped in his and she was glad when recognition appeared in his eyes.

“Kei…”

Her name softly spoken brought her heart to a stand still however. Not even the flash of instant death could make her heart as still as her name on his lips did. The gentle look of love in his eyes, she wondered at that the most. She knew she was just telling herself she was reading too much there, Max was never one to hold back. Kei knew if he felt anything other than friendship he would have stated it by now.

When he tugged her down beside him and stated he had fallen asleep she smiled. Hearing the Max of old slipping back in, she had missed there comfortable moments.

“Was your week ok?”

Kei snuggled close to him relishing the moment, not knowing how long it would last. Thinking perhaps because he had just woken up he had forgotten to keep him self at a distance. She wanted to tell him that her week had been horrible, that every moment of it had been spent thinking of him. She wanted to tell him she just couldn’t do it without him.

"It was ok Max, quiet. I caught up on some much needed sleep. I.... I'm glad you came. It was getting boring around here. I....." Kei almost said I miss you, almost. But she didn’t want to break the spell with any admissions to her feelings. Kei lifted Max's hands, her fingers entwining with his, playing there.

"How bout you Max, how was yours?" She wanted him to say lonely, she wanted him to say empty without her just as hers had been.

[Maxim Vasilijev]

She had been bored without him? He found that hard to believe – Kei was the one who was the life of the party, not him. She was always able to find fun or trouble just about anywhere she went. Guys loved her and girls were envious of her – but everyone wanted to be around her because she radiated energy and excitement.

When she asked about his week, he answered honestly, as he would have in the past – unafraid of what she would think of what he said. Trusting enough in their friendship that she wouldn’t judge or find fault with what he told her. It would likely be like this with Maxim, now – hot and cold. Warm one minute, returning to his former self with her, and then on occasions when he caught himself, or was wary of going to far or felt strange vibes from Kei, would back off and be cooler. But for now, there were none of the odd vibes he’d felt the last time he had been here, and he responded as he would have in the days of old.

“My week was both good and bad.” He admitted. “I was really busy with training and catching up on everything that’s been going on while I was lounging around here drinking beers and chilling at the pool. So that was good, because I caught up on a lot of stuff and I was so busy that the days were over before I knew it.”

He took a slug of his beer and offered the rest of the bottle to Keira.

“But it was different at night.” He added ruefully. “I forgot how quiet it is there, and they don’t really hang out there…”

He gave a slight roll of his eyes and a lazy sort of grin.

“I missed you.” It was said in a way that was sincere, yes, but it also carried that cocky tone so he wouldn’t seem so vulnerable. It was a defense he commonly used with people he didn’t know well. With Keira it was…well, it was just Max being Max – teasing her, maybe, while offering a bit of truth as well. An admission that maybe he needed her in his life.

“You should try picking up your com when it rings a little more often….” He added, somewhat scolding her.

[Keira]

Kei listened to his words hearing them and storing them away for later. What she was enjoying was the easy way he was speaking to her, his voice a soft balm on her wounded heart. She would never blame him for not loving her the way she wanted but it still hurt. For now she was just enjoying his company, enjoying the feel of slipping back in time like it was before.

Sipping at the beer he had offered Kei pushed her head deeper into his chest, not wanting the moment to end. Hearing the soft rumble set her at ease. His next words made her lift her head and look into his eyes, wondering yet again if he felt more for her or if it was just her false hope.

“I missed you.”

He had missed her, she didn’t know if it was just the friendship or more. Kei wasn’t willing to chance by asking him just how much he had missed her. The playful teasing and cockiness that came to him naturally threw her off a bit too.

Kei returned in kind her voice taking on a teasing quality. "Missed me huh, missed me drinking you under the table no doubt. Draggin you home....." Kei paused. "Well I missed you to you big galoot."

"Anyway what’s on the agenda tonight Max old boy? Party hardy, a quiet night for your oldness, meaning you Max." She said pointedly her grin full of mischief. Poking him in the ribs with a stifled giggle. What she wanted to do was kiss him, kiss him over and over until they couldn’t breath and it showed in her eyes.

"Maybe......" Kei stumbled over her words almost choking on them but knowing for his sake they had to be said. "Maybe we can go find a couple of hotties and show them just what we are made of." It was the last thing Kei wanted to do and that showed also. What she wanted was for him to say he would rather just be alone with her......

[Maxim Vasilijev]

“Hey,” He protested, trying to stifle a snort of laughter as she poked him in the ribs where admittedly, he was a little ticklish. His hand reached for hers to grab it to protect himself from further torture by Keira.

He took her teasing good naturedly, but his expression might have fallen just a bit at the idea of going out. Oh he loved going out and drinking, painting the town red and as many other colors as he could manage before the locales closed. And originally he had planned to go out, figuring it was the safest option. But now…well now it didn’t seem to matter anymore. He didn’t want to go out, really.

“We could do that…” He agreed, but the tone of his voice definitely carried a hint of doubt. He really was tired, and really, all he wanted to do was to hang out there with Kei and hear about what he had missed all week. To be around what he had missed all week – Keira.

“I haven’t been around any hotties since, oh….a week ago.” He added, leaning his head back, closing his eyes and grinning as he waited for Kei to give him a hard time like she always did. But then before she could even respond, one eye peeked open and he winked at her.

“The Order isn’t exactly brimming with good looking women. ‘Course…” He began, “It would be nearly impossible to beat the situation I had here.” In his teasing he might have merely meant that he’d had a best friend who was beautiful, who slept beside him at night. Of course, it could have been better – could have been better if that best friend was more than a best friend. But what he likely meant was…well, what he really felt.

It was likely his exhaustion that had caused him to let down those walls he’d so carefully put up in his last few interactions with Kei. Or maybe it was simply that he’d lived a week without her and everything had felt wrong about it. And maybe he was willing to just….to just let things be as they were and see what happened.

[Keira]

Kei moved in closer to Max, a small smile of satisfaction on her full lips. She could hear the hesitation in his voice about going out and something else. Something she was afraid to believe. She wanted to call him on it, make him say just how he felt for her, was she fooling herself or missing all the signs. Never before had she wondered if a guy liked her, wanted her. Max had left her full of doubt, about herself and about what he might really feel.


Kei pulled her hand from his and poked him in the ribs yet again, keeping the mood light for the time being and for the comment about the girls. She didn’t want to go out so she settled closer to Max.

"Max lets just stay here for a bit and lay waste to the town later. My week hasn’t been all that wonderful without.....well without you here." She risked the last phrase just to see how he would respond. Her hand captured his again, and she played idly with his finger tips.

"Besides you sound tired, and I would rather spend time with you. Besides what do you mean by the situation you had here??" She risked once again. Hoping he would see, hoping he would hear, hoping his anwser would be what she wanted to hear...... "

Her mind as always playing with her, tormenting her. "He doesn’t love you like that Kei, never like that. Max I wish you would just kiss me."

[Maxim Vasilijev]

He squirmed a bit as she poked him again and reached for her hand. But he missed and he flinched when she accidentally hit a sensitive spot. She couldn’t have known, but he was bruised form his trainings during the week. Lady Vader was not easy on her apprentices.

As she settled in close to him again, he gave a soft, contented sigh. As she played with his fingertips, he couldn’t help but release a small smile. This was exactly what he wanted for the evening.

“Yeah, lets stay in….” He agreed with a bit of a nod. And when he heard her next comment – that her week hadn’t been all that great without him, he had bent to plant a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

“My week wasn’t all that wonderful without you either.” He added, one hand reaching to brush a lock of her hair away from his chin where it was tickling him. He didn’t brush it away quickly, but rather gently.

And when she asked him what he’d meant a moment ago, he inhaled a deep breath and released it. How did he answer her?

“I meant….” He began, his words trailing off as he realized that he really didn’t have any great way of explaining.

“I meant just that, Kei.” He finally replied, carefully maybe, but honestly. “It was pretty….quiet there without you.” But this wasn’t exactly what he meant. He just didn’t know how to say it – or whether he really should or not.

“I went from living with a beautiful woman and spending my nights having dinners with her, hanging out with her, going out with her, sleeping with her to sleeping alone in a rock hard bed in a castle up on a hill all alone.”

Maybe it wasn’t exactly what she hoped to hear – so admission of love, but at the very least, he had spoken of her as a woman rather than a best friend. And that was a step in the right direction…..maybe.

[Keira]

Kei's soft sigh whispered across his neck as he spoke. A release of anxiety, of the lonely week. To know he had missed her that much made her feel by far better than she had. She wondered if she should chance telling him how she truly felt about him. Risk her heart to just lay it out on the table. But the thought of driving him away with her love scared her.

She tried to tell herself his words were nothing but a gesture of true friendship, but he had never spoken to her with such feeling before, or was she once again just reading to much into it. If only she could read his thoughts.... Did he miss sleeping with her as a friend, just being next to her? Did he miss her friendship, did he want more?

Sighing yet again Kei tucked her face into his neck. She was going to loose her mind before this was all over. She had never had this problem, men to Kei were a dime a dozen, easy to have and just as easy to get rid of. But Max.....He had always been different. Kei would gladly sacrifice her beloved freedom to be his forever. Max the enigma, the skirt chaser, a man who loved dumb chicks because he just like her liked to rid himself quickly of baggage. She didn’t think Max would ever settle down and she in truth was just not his type as a girlfriend.

"Max....I don't want you to go away, I missed you being here with me. I missed you lying next to me. I don't like being without you." Her voice sounded muffled against his neck, her lips grazing his skin as she spoke. The admission could be taken for loneliness but her voice told a different story, one that held her heart in it if they listened.

"Max tell me...... tell me…. Just what can Sith do. There powers I mean. She had heard that they had the power to read minds, and she wondered if Max could, and if he could would it be the answer or the end of she asked him too....

[Maxim Vasilijev]

He knew she didn’t like sleeping alone. They’d had a big argument about it one night when Kei had brought home a guy Maxim didnt approve of. Normally he stayed out of her business, but back in school, on occasion, Max would pull the big brother routine and be a real jerk to the guys Keira brought home. It was usually done because Max knew a little too much about them, and what they would say about their night with Keira whether it was true or not. Heck, he had done the same thing from time to time and probably wasn’t the sort you’d trust with your younger sister, either. But still…it was different when it was your friend, your friend who had been like a little sister to you.

Had been like a little sister.

He hardly though of her that way anymore. In fact, he didn’t at all. He thought of her as a woman. And you didn’t think of a kid sister as a woman. Not ever.

Something had changed.

“You’re not without me, Kei. You wont ever be without me.” His reply was not overly mushy. In fact, it was said in a lighter sort of manner, as if he were correcting a silly thing she had said. Without him? Yeah right. He wasn’t going anywhere.

“In fact, you can have me tonight if you want…” He added flippantly, brazenly, even, his cocky, self assured expression planted right there on his face. But it wasn’t the smug look of satisfaction he usually had after one of his conquests. No, this was… was it a suggestion? A dare?

She’d chosen, in any case, not to take it. Instead she had asked about the Sith and his dark eyes looked to her, wondering what had prompted the question. But still, he answered.

“Depends on the person.” He began, his thoughts flickering to Lady Vader first and foremost, and then on to others he knew, “on your training…”

Maybe a part of him didn’t really want to answer what their powers were. Or what they did. Maybe….maybe he was a little wary of frightening Keira. He’d seen the surprise on her face when his fist had closed over hers earlier.

“How you’ve been taught to use the force….”

His head cocked slightly to the side in curiosity.

“What are you really wondering about?” Something was on her mind. This much he knew.

[Keira]

“You’re not without me, Kei. You won’t ever be without me.”

This statement brought a small amount of relief to Kei, though she doubted he had meant it the way she would have liked him too. So many times in the past she had snuggled in bed with him, taking it no more than him just being there, a friend. But somehow over time it had become so much more for her. It had become more than a want, it was now a need. She could not stand being without him and in her heart she knew he thought it was just her not liking to sleep alone. Though she did hate it Kei would prefer to sleep alone if it wasn’t Max sharing her bed.

She didn’t know what to think about him saying she could have him tonight. As a friend, a lover, just Max being there only for the night.? She didn’t think he would ever see she wanted him forever, not just as a friend but hers alone and she, his alone. His evasive answers took her mind of his peculiar statement, giving her time to think.


“What are you really wondering about?”

"Well.....What I want to know Max is if you have the ability to read minds. I mean..... I have heard that it can be done by force users, and I want to know if you can." She dreaded his answer, dreaded that it would be no and dreaded it being yes.

Was she brave enough to let him delve into her thoughts, when she herself felt at a loss with it herself? How much was she willing to risk, how deep could he see? Would he even like what he found there. Those were the questions that haunted her but she didn’t think she would ever just be able to tell him how much she loved him. Not out loud at least. So much at stake, so easy to over come if she could just know he wouldn’t turn from her and what she offered.

"Max.....I need..... To know." She hesitated wanting to just say it but once again her heart betrayed her. Her fear stilled her tongue. Kei looked into his eyes, searching for any hope. Seeing only his playful self. Seeing only the man she had come to love, who only loved her as a friend.......

[Maxim Vasilijev]

Maxim heard the question that he didn’t want to answer. It wasnt like she would ever believe him anyway, when he told her the truth – that yes, he did have the ability to read her thoughts, but that he had not ever done it. Not…well not on purpose anyway. It was likely a reason that he had always known her so well – because without her needing to say anything, he’d been able to at least get a sense of the way that she felt. But never, not ever had he sought to read her thoughts.

But he wasn’t going to lie to her and tell her he couldn’t. Afterall, she’d witnessed some odd things that he had done in the past. Things she hadn’t ever questioned, but might, now that this Sith thing was on her mind.

And when she spoke her final words – telling him that she had to know, he knew he had no choice other than to answer her.

He gave a soft sigh, one that sounded like a man who had been sentenced to death.

“Yes, I can.” He answered, his expression somewhat strained. This ability had been something he had always been proud of, something that came to him more naturally than the other skills, and one that he had worked harder on because it was a strength of his.

“But not the minds of everyone.” This was true, for he could not pierce the impenetrable mind of his master, as much as he truly wanted to sometimes.

“And before you even ask, Kei, no, I’ve never done it to you. I wouldn’t ever invade your privacy that way. I have too much respect to ever….”

He paused, sitting up a bit straighter and tugging her with him so that he could look at her, so that he could look into her eyes and she would know he wasn’t lying to her.

“To ever take anything from you that you did not freely give to me.”