A Matter of Extreme Seriousness

[Telan Desaria]

edited due to public wish.

[Jarek T'chort]

Ok....

Telan - I think we have developed a good rapport, so I hope you'll take my words to heart. I am not fully aware of your situation, only what you've said here - though I can imagine the pain of rejection must be very strong. As such, you can't let that blind you, the phrase "more fish in the sea" is entirely true - there are rougly 70 billion people in the world, I highly doubt there is no one else for you.

As for Chechnya, that's crazy. Chechnya is one of the nastiest war zones in the world, you are correct about the dangers, but have you considered your own temperament and beliefs? You believe in honour, chivalry - these things are practically unheard of within the Russian armed forces, let alone in Chechnya. You are an intelligent guy, you don't need to throw yourself headfirst into a situation where you will be in extreme danger, when you have your whole life ahead of you - in the USA, no less.

I hope you aren't entirely serious about this, because I see it as a desperate tactic to escape being hurt by this guy. You're a good man Telan, don't make a mistake of this seriousness.

[Telan Desaria]

You're right, Jarek, I am escaping. I am escaping the pain. But it is not just the rejection, it is the reality that there is no one else for me. As Ive heard, you get only one chance at your other half.

I blew that chance. I ruined it. And now I must pay the price.

Chechnya, I am deadly serious. Serious enough to have addressed my letter to General Verpraxin himself. The rules of war are indeed not followed in that theatre - - perhaps I can change that. Perhaps not. But at least I will remembered as the German who Died Trying to Bring Honor to Lawlessness.

As opposed to the German Immigant Homosexual Banished-ex Aristocratic Militant Imperialist. That is a legacy I cannot afford. Would you want to die with that on your sarcophogous?

The US has some good things going for it, but not enough. Its own Armed Services abhor and cast off any gay elements therein - the Russians, for all their faults, for all their idiosyncracies, never considered homosexuality as a defining factor of a person's life. For all their backwardness, they are a hardy, robust, and overall friendly people. Their heart is in the right place, even if their heads usually arent.

I thank you for your concern Jarek, you are indeed among the four people here whom I would consider the best of my friends, one of whom no longer exists (Admiral Millard).

The path we walk is not always easy. But I fouled my one chance at happiness, perhaps I can fall into history with a fragment of glory to my name.

[Shanaria Fabool]

But how do you know that HE was you one chance at happiness? It could be that He was not the one for you, since it is clear, at least from what you have said, that He did not share your feeling. Cause if he did he would have done everything in his power to work things out instead of leaving you.

I have lost people in the past that I though was the one for me, and as of yet I don't know if I have found that one person, but I can tell you that no matter how much it hurts, it's never bad enough to go and throw you life away for.

It is your life to do with as you please, but just think on this. What if you are wrong about that being you one chance. What if that one person is still out there waiting for you to find them. and what if this choice of your meens that the one person out there for you will never be able to find happiness because you gave up looking.

If the US is not for you, the why not come to Canada? Or Australia? Or England? Or any other country that is not a war zone? There are always other options, and in times of pain we must think with our heads no our hearts.

[Pierce Tondry]

I had things I was going to say, but instead I'd like to recommend this thread be closed. Telan's intimate personal life is a matter that should not be up for discussion on a public forum, even if it is one to which he feels honored to belong. His contact information can be found in his profile, and anyone wishing to discuss the matter at length with him can do so through those means.

[Charley]

If you go, bring me back one of those little russian dolls that have smaller dolls inside of them until there is one very small doll in the center. I've always wanted one of those.

[Telan Desaria]

Im not sure if that is constructive, Charley.
Morgan - - thank you for your discretion but it is not required. I put this here for public consuption, good- - - or bad.

[Gurney Devries]

Without trying to hijack your thread...
Originally posted by Telan Desaria
I put this here for public consuption, good- - - or bad [...] Im not sure if that is constructive, Charley. Does not compute.

Basically, what Tondry (not Morgan, by the way) was saying was that you may not receive the responses you wish by posting about it in such a public manner. While some people may be your friends, this is a large community, and I'm sure there are some people (myself included) who've never talked to you, and so it may not be a wise idea to disclose such things to us.

[Charley]

Originally posted by Telan Desaria
Im not sure if that is constructive, Charley.

How else am I going to get a russian doll? I mean c'mon.

[Pierce Tondry]

Actually, what I meant was that this is not a discussion I care to take part in, nor is it one I feel should be part of the public discourse.

Personally, I do not care about your intimate life, Telan. I do not care to read about it, nor do I care to talk about it.

Don't get me wrong; you've been through something, and I have sympathy for people in bad situations. Had you approached me over AIM about the situation I would have found it odd that you came to me, but I would then have settled down and given you what I consider good advice on the situation.

What I don't have sympathy for are people who take their own private woes and put them up for public display. It smacks of drama and it smacks of attention-whoring. Frankly, I do not want you to give dissertations about your personal life and how broken-hearted you are on a Star Wars-themed chatboard. To my mind, it is extremely out-of-place.

My personal feelings on your choice of venues aside, the reason I suggested closing the thread was to achieve your goal in private. You see, closing this thread and allowing others to contact you about this through the means listed in your profile achieves three goals:

a) It permits for discussion with people who genuinely have concern for your well-being and filters out those that do not.
b) It permits for a more lengthy discussion of topics that may not necessarily be board-suitable PG-13 material.
c) It ensures this thread will be neither drama- nor insult-fest.

For those reasons, I believe closing this thread but leaving it up constitutes a reasonable stance on the matter.

[imported_Eve]

This thread will not be closed unless a violation of the FAQ and rules has occured.

If you don't care to take part in the discussion, no one is making you.

That being said, people should take great care in posting personal things in public forums.


... you may not receive the responses you wish by posting about it in such a public manner. While some people may be your friends, this is a large community, and I'm sure there are some people (myself included) who've never talked to you, and so it may not be a wise idea to disclose such things to us.

[Jarek T'chort]

Telan, running away doesn't solve a thing, throw yourself into rping or whatever makes you happy, give yourself time to get over being hurt. This whole deal, in a few weeks, months, will just be a bad memory. The victim complex here is just going to screw you up even more. It really isn't worth it.

[Khendon Sevon]

Pierce, if you don’t care, simply do not post.

Telan, you know my stance on this issue. I will recount a metaphor I have used. No matter the size of a rope, there are always two sides. Those two sides are connected, for better or for worse. No matter the distance they span, they are still one. This is how love and life work.

If you give it time, someone else will come around and make you feel amazing again. It’s a cycle that will occur until you find that ephemeral someone that is cut from the same cloth.

Just, give it some time, please?

[Telan Desaria]

I thank my friends for posting. At no point did I intend to receive an attention whoring whatever. This a star wars themed chat, yes, for also OOC and IRL - if it wasnt, why if the name of the God and Our Ancestors are there wfts, issues about cars, and such a comment is never made when someone speaks of car problems or school.

At no point did I made a comment that was anywhere close to the obscene MPAA ratings nor would I - I am a gentleman, after all. I have not posted intimate details whatsoever, merely a synopsis of what has happened and a request for advice on my situation and an announcement as to my actions. This was ppsted here specifically so all would see since, if I leave, the actions of the Empire in which I partake would be severely curtailed - - - I do not want to brag, but I do a good deal of rping.

This is for public consumption because of the bond I feel to this board and its members, regardless of whom they are or over what matters we have disagreed. For example, those from TRF know of Gash Jiren, a man who is vehemently opposed to my ideals on nearly all matters and I to his, but over AIM we are I would like to think friends. It is THAT connection and that bond that I speak of. If you dont have it - -and I doubt most if any do - then you dont know of what I speak. But when you march a mile in my jackboots then you will. Try being banished from your family and country before your 17th birthday and see how you deal with it without support.

Thank you for your comments all. I appreciate them more then you know.

[Telan Desaria]

And I will bring you a doll, Charley.

[Morgan Evanar]

Since you're part of a military unit, why don't you see the psychologist/therapist?

[Telan Desaria]

For what purpose??? I am as sane as the next man. And the last thing I need is some idiot who could not become successful as a real doktor trying to analyze my neuro electrochemical activities. I will rely on friends, thank you.

[Syren Wyssholt]

I've been biting the inside of my cheek really hard as I've read through this thread. Honestly, it's been to refrain from posting in it at all. But, now that the inside of my cheek is sore and there's this taste of blood in my mouth ....

Telan - I doubt there is anyone here at swfans (unless they are just too young) who has not been rejected by someone that they loved or thought they loved. I'm not going to go into a personal history here publicly so if you want to talk more, feel free to pm me or contact me on aim; but I can tell you this:

That whole load of bull about you only get one shot at a once in a lifetime with a soulmate is crap. I'm living proof that its bs, and I'm sure that there are many, many others who are too. A man I was once very much in love with wasn't exactly kind to me (to put it mildly). We were married for ten years and I finally left. It's taken me five or six years to get where I am today and I'm happily engaged to a man that I know - without any doubt - is the man I will spend the rest of my life with.

Yes, you hurt. Yes, it does feel like it is the end of your world and perhaps this whole joining the Russian military thing seems like a really good idea.

For the moment, at least.

I don't know you. I haven't had the opportunity to truly rp with you and I cannot imagine how it feels to be thrown out of your country simply because of a sexual preference. I certainly will refrain from making any comment on just what I truly think of a Country who holds policies like that. - but I do hope you will take to heart what these people are saying to you here.

When upset, distraught, and experiencing a major change in life - people do things without thinking things through with an open mind. Emotions rule their decisions and this is when people make some of the worst decisions of their lives. I have to agree with the others who are showing great concern over the news of joining the Russian Military. It does look like a desperate act to escape and I'm sorry .. no matter where you go or what you do ... there is no escape. You cannot run away from what has happened and what is currently going on in your life. How you face this situation and how you handle it, will define who you are - atleast part of who you are.

I noticed that you stated you're a gentleman and Jarek stated that you believe in chivalry, honor, and exhibit manners that many no longer possess. I'm sorry to state this, but I see no chivalry or honor in the rash actions you're deciding to take simply because your significant other doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

You have to face certain facts, which you've mentioned already, and deal with them rationally. If you can't deal rationally, then take Morgan's advice and seek professional help. You've already stated the facts which you must face; now face them like a grown man. (Not meant as a slam so please do not read it as one).

Yes, it is very easy for us to sit here and pass along advice to you - afterall, we are not the ones whom are hurting deep down inside. But, we have been through it before, and perhaps the words which those who have posted already are the ones you should be truly listening to the most.

Set aside what your heart feels - set aside the pain - and step outside of yourself. (Yes, it is very difficult to do this, but keep trying). Maybe if you can see the situation from the point of view in which the others here are seeing it in - you can make better decisions. Perhaps you can better see just why it is most do not agree with your wanting to run away to Russia to join their Military.

Might just help if you could stay offline for a week or two. Take yourself on a healing vacation for 7 - 10 days and go some place quiet and peaceful. I do not know where you live but maybe if you can afford to, a nice week long getaway up in the mountains where nothing can bother you is what you need in order to clear your mind and think things through? Just a suggestion.

I am truly sorry that you're hurting and I can only hope that as time passes, so will the pain that you feel. I don't pray often, but I think I'll say a prayer for you. I think you could use a few prayers right about now.

[Morgan Evanar]

Originally posted by Telan Desaria
For what purpose??? I am as sane as the next man. And the last thing I need is some idiot who could not become successful as a real doktor trying to analyze my neuro electrochemical activities. I will rely on friends, thank you. You might say you're sane but you're certainly not acting rationally. I'd say you're probably depressed, and if you have a restraining order there are some issues you're not facing up to. In fact, if you have a restraining order you should deffinately see a doc.

Fact of the matter is that a doctor knows a hell of a lot more than friends. Maybe not about you personally, but human behavior in general.

[Pierce Tondry]

A friend is also more likely to tell you what you want to hear, not what you need to hear.

[Telan Desaria]

>link removed<

I had no idea this how so many of you felt. How many of you dont believe me or think I am trying to create some dramatic condition.

I say only that you are wrong - - - I hope only that when someone more real to you than me requests your help you do not act the same way to him.

I edit out my posts here now.

[imported_Grev Drasen]

N/m.

[Gurney Devries]

As an aside, you should probably read some of the other threads in that forum before getting too worked up about it.

[Charley]

You should probably take it easy in Hell :)

[Telan Desaria]

What is this hell? And why do people seek to deride others>>>>

[Charley]

that is the question

[Pierce Tondry]

That's the point of the forum. Nothing is sacred there. It's a parody of all the silliness on the Internet. Even Mother Teresa gets shot in Hell.

[Morgan Evanar]

Hell is serious bussiness, just like the rest of the internet.

[Lion El' Jonson]

I've had things wiped in my eyes, been run over by cars, and called a deranged rice-eating asian that sits in a corner making ^_^ smilies and saying KEKEKEKEKE!

Believe me...serious business doesn't begin to cover it. :lol

[Telan Desaria]

You are one to talk after what you said.

[Jarek T'chort]

Originally posted by Telan Desaria
You are one to talk after what you said.

Telan, I think minimizing involvement in this thread, the Meras one and indeed in OOC would be the best thing to do. In fact, if the admin have changed their minds about closing this I think that'd be a smart move right now.

[Tiberius Anar]

I concur.

[Telan Desaria]

indeed

[Lion El' Jonson]

Likewise, I've ordered a freeze to posting on the New Republic boards until this is cleared up. I believe that Tiberius is asking for something similiar from the Imperials.

[Telan Desaria]

I will refrain form the comment I had. I will say I had respected you - -a fellow commander IC and group head OOC. When we have spoken it was amiable and well mannered. I would have thought I earned a bit of politeness but I was wrong.

[Charley]

Quit playing the parriah already. Hell is not to be taken seriously. Its a giant parody of the internet.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Thread closed until further notice.