Of Past, Present, and Future...Part 1 (open)

[Quay'Na Rakai]

It was a another letter, a hand-written letter just as the other two were.

Padawan learner, Quay'Na Rakai stared at it as it lay upon her kitchen table...it was from Anthony Scott.

The very man she had truly fallen in love with and the man that had left her standing, alone.

Quay snatched up the letter and crumpled it, then threw it in the trash. As she walked out of the kitchen, she didn't get very far. This was the third letter this week.

Kick! Quay'Na stopped in her tracks. "I know," she whispered as she walked back over and picked it back up. She could hear her father snoring in the extra bedroom he shared with his fiancee and decided that maybe she should go somewhere else to read it.

The very pregnant Padawan grabbed her brown Jedi robe and put it on then headed towards the garden, where she could read it.

It was cool in the garden now that fall was upon them, the morning dew was still on the leaves as she brushed by and found a bench in a little alcove.

Carefully, she opened the letter and read:

My dearest Quay,

It's been nearly six months since we spoke, I'm in town right now and would love to see you. I know my behavior gains no right to that, for I let you down badly and I was in the wrong.

I wish to make things right, our time together was precious and I'll never forgive myself for walking away. It was the biggest mistake of my life and if you'd only give me another chance, I'll make it up to you. I promise you that.

I've received no response from my other two letters and as they say, the third ones a charm. If I don't hear from you in a weeks time, I will know that I've overstayed my welcome and I'll not bother you again.

Please don't let that happen, I'm begging you, Quay.

Just give me one more chance and you won't regret it, you or the baby. Here's my comm number: 569-3340A2

Love, Anthony

Quay'Na folded the letter up as silent tears flowed down her cheeks. She was so unsure what to think or do. The truth was that she loved him with everything in her, but her trust in him had left her the day he walked away.

"Why now?" She asked aloud. "Why would you care to come back now?" Quay'Na felt confused and alone, this couldn't be happening, what did he really want? Did he really and truly want her back or was there another agenda on his mind?

The Padawan shook her head. He's not Brent! He's Anthony! But, even Anthony felt more of a threat as well, her mind gave her a cast of scenario's that only Brent had wanted. But, in her mind it also surrounded itself with Anthony.

When would this distrust end?

[Quay'Na Rakai]

What if it were just a lie? What if this wasn't Anthony at all, perhaps it was another one of Brent's evil tricks to draw her out from the safety of the GJO.

He nearly had her the last time had her friends and Master not shown up. Things had become very tense that day and it was an experience that Quay didn't want to have again.

Brent scared her, yes; he did and the Padawan wondered if she would ever really truly get over what had happened.

Probably not, with Aramis being a constant reminder of that fateful night.

No, I can't do this! I won't do it to Aramis, he deserves better. Who was she kidding? Life had given her a child, perhaps not in the kindness of ways, but still she was going to bear a son. A son that she would love and charish forever...just like her good friend River charished his son, Ry-Obi. But, that had ended terribly.

Quay was strong and she knew it, but something within her broke after she was raped, something she knew she could never regain.

Her comlink chimed. "Yes, Quay'Na here."

Long pause.

"Hello?"

"Quay..." A gentle voice spoke.

Her heart nearly stopped. "Anthony." Quay spoke in nearly a whisper.

"Yes, it's me. I'm sorry, I commed. But, I could wait no longer to hear your voice."

Quay didn't know what to say, her feelings were all mixed up.

[Quay'Na Rakai]

There was a pleading in his voice that brought Quay back. "What...what do you want, Anthony?" Her voice stammered like a young school girl.

"I want to see you, Quay. There is so much to talk about. I beg this of you. Please, Quay at least let me explain."

"Explain? What's to explain? You couldn't stand the thought of me carrying this child, because it wasn't yours. I saw the look on your face and in your eyes that horrible day you walked out on me. You couldn't even look me in the eye, you were so ashamed." Her voice broke for a moment.

"I was wrong, Quay'Na. I wasn't thinking of you or what was going through your mind, I was thinking of only myself and how ashamed I was for allowing this ordeal to happen."

"I don't want to talk about this, please. Just leave me alone,"

"Quay, I can't do that. I love you, Quay'Na. Please, give me another chance at least come and see me and let me look you in the eye and talk to you. Give me that much, Quay. I'm begging you."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"Why?" She asked her voice almost in a whisper.

"Because...because I love you and I always will. I've been so occupied with how my thoughts and feelings on this situation, that I've forgotten about yours. You were the one who had to go through it and you suffered greatly and yet you had to suffer again when you found out it left you pregnant. I felt like all our times of passion had been cut out and that everything that I brought into this relationship had ended. I was being selfish, utterly so and I'm so sorry."

He paused. "I'm begging your forgiveness, Quay'Na."

"I can't think about this, Anthony. Not right now, I'm going to become a mother in a few weeks and now you suddenly come back asking me to take you back? How can you ask that of me, I didn't leave."

"Quay, I've done you wrong, I know that and I want to make it up to you anyway I can. If you'll just let me."

Let you, do you really think it's that easy? Quay couldn't trust him, there were very few men she could trust and Anthony, even though her heart still yearned for him, she just could not. He had abandoned her in her greatest time of need and that wasn't something so easily let go of.

[Quay'Na Rakai]

After a few more moments of silence, Anthony spoke again. "Just let me see you again, Quay. Please. I'll be at the B&G in an hour and I will wait an hour and if you don't show, I'll know that I've completely lost you. I don't want that to happen, please look deep into your heart and find someway to forgive me for what I've done to you. I love you, Quay."

The comm ended after his last words, ended so she couldn't reply.

The Padawan sighed deeply. Go to the B&G, I've not been there since...Brent. The thought made her shudder.

An hour... What was he expecting? To have her welcome him back with open arms? Ha!

Quay stood and walked over to balcony of the garden and looked out at the traffic passing by. The sun was shining brightly and it was giving her a headache.

The Padawan needed to relax, but she couldn't with thoughts of Anthony being so nearby. It brought back memories of them together in happier times, when she knew she loved him for who he was. He had been so loving and caring back then...

The thoughts vanished as the pain worsened for a bit and then lessened again. Quay blew out a sigh, as she squinted, the brightness of the sun was really hurting her eyes.

She went back into the shade and found another bench and took a seat. She had time to think about this and would do so, but was there really an answer to her dilemna?

[Rognan Dar]

Rognan had been on a stroll through the Garden when he heard the sound of a comm link and a female voice talking. Not wishing to interupt, he walked away from the sound to give the two some privacy. He walked over to a flower bed and kneeled down to look at all the differnet colored flowers.

Just then he heard the female voice get louder as she questioned the person on the other side. At that moment the voice sounded familiar. General curiosity grew and he planned a path that would take him closer but still keep his distance. As he walked closer he could see that it was indeed Quay'Na. Why was she here now? What happened to her that led he back? No, matter.

As the conversation continued Rognan began to become consurned with what was being talked about. It was not until after the link went dead that he approch her.

"Quay? Is there anything wrong? I dont mean to pry into others business, but what was that all about?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay had been so preoccupied with her thoughts and talking to Anthony, she hadn't even noticed that she wasn't alone.

The voice startled her for a moment as she turned her head and saw her good friend Rognan.

"Oh, Rog, I'm sorry I didn't see you there." She sighed deeply. "That was a strange conversation I was having with my ex-fiancee who left me when he found out about this." She gently pulled back her robe and revealed her pregnancy.

[Rognan Dar]

Rognan was shocked to see the boldge on Quay's belly. It took him a moment to put two and two together. Last time he saw Quay she was no where close to this size. He didn't think this happened until after she left. Had it really been that long that she was, to what he could see, near the end of her pregnancy?

"I dont quite understand. Last I heard from you, you were leaving the Order for some reason that you would not tell us. Now your back, your pregnant, and also have a ex-fiancee. I can see that life hasn't been all to nice to you. So why would he leave you for being pregnant? Did he not want this baby?"

At that time Rognan had sat down next to Quay and was inspecting hear face and bodily expressions.

[Quay'Na Rakai]

A fresh tear fell down the Padawan's cheek as she slowly shook her head. "No, he didn't want this child...and I can hardly blame him, Rog. When I left here, I had no idea that I was pregnant, we were planning our life together and it was all supposed to be so perfect. But it never happened..." She blew out a sigh. "It never happened."

[Rognan Dar]

"I still dont understand. Why would he leave his own child behind? That should have been no reason to leave you, or anyone. So that was him on the comm? What...did he want?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"It wasn't his fault really, it was mine." She answered sadly. "That's what happens when you keep secrets from the ones you love."

Quay looked away. "This isn't his child that I bear."

[Rognan Dar]

Another way of confusion washed over Rognan. Man, he hated being out of the loops.

"So then how did that hap....." He then saw a look in Quay's eyes that told a small part of the story. And it was enough, maybe to much. "Oh, I see. Well...uh... I dont know what to say. So what was Anthony want then?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"Now, he suddenly realizes after six months that he's made a terrible mistake and wants me to take him back. I don't know if I can do that, Rog. My trust in him isn't there and I don't know if I'll ever get that back."

Quay'Na paused for a moment. "He left me, I didn't leave him. I don't know what to do, he's going to be over at the B&G within the hour and he wants to see me."

[Rognan Dar]

"Well, as you say you dont trust him anymore. His actions of leaving you would be viewed as unforgivable by some, most people in fact." Rognan sighed. He wanted to help Quay out, but he didn't want to be the person to fiddle around in others business and play with others lives. But she looked like her mind was not made up yet. All he could do is offer advise.

"If you feel like he has hurt you to the point of no forgiviness then it will only hurt you more to go to him and just turn him away afterwards; for you will then think that you left him. But if you do still feel something for him...which I can see and sense that you do...then I would suggest that you go to him and hear what it is that he has to say. Whatever you choice is, just remember this: if you store up this feeling inside, this feeling of being left and not forgiving him for hihs action, then you will harbor a place where hate and anger could easily get in and ruin the rest of your life, and maybe even others that you love."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"Truth of the matter is I do still love him, but is that enough for me to just allow him back and wonder if he's going to just walk out again."

[Rognan Dar]

"If you were not going to have the baby what was stopping him from doing that anyway? Love is strong, I know. Maybe you two would have lived happily for a long time. But down the road there could come up a reason for leaving you and then you would be no worse off then you are now. Maybe you'd have had a few happy memories, but he left you all the same.

But what I'm trying to tell you is that there is no way that you could fully know if he would leave you again or not. Thats how life is. Unless the Force gave you a vision of him leaving you again, there is no way to know. But there might be something else that he says that convince you of taking him or leaving him."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay was quiet for a few moments as she thought of what the Jedi Knight said. "That's true, I suppose I should at least give him a chance."

[Rognan Dar]

"Will you be alright? Its not my place, but if you need someone there just in case, I'm always open." Rognan said with a smile. "Dont do anything you feel wrong doing. If there is some warning that you are sensing from meeting him then search the Force for what you need to do."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"I really don't want to go there by myself, the last time Brent was there and he really messed with my head and I just don't want that to happen again." She realized that Rog probably didn't know who Brent was.

"Brent was my attacker and he's not supposed to be anywhere around me, but he showed up at the B&G and I ended up in the med center. I've not been away from the ground ever since."

She paused. "All you have to do it just stick around until we say what we need to and then we can come back."

[Rognan Dar]

"If thats all you want me for then thats all I will do. I will keep my distance, if you want it to be private. But I'll make sure that if he or anyone else tries something that they will regret it. Are you ready to go? How much longer is he going to wait?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay looked at her chrono. "Not much longer, we should probably head over there."

She looked at Rog and smiled. "I really thank you for this and the talk , it helped out a lot."

[Rognan Dar]

"You shouldn't be thanking me. I live to serve and make others happy. If I can help out my fellow Jedi then it makes me feel that I truly belong here. I'm glad that I was able to help you out in this hard moment.

"Shall we?" Rog said as he stood up and offered his arm to support Quay.