What can I do if people don't like me?

[Malcolm Trippen]

A couple of my girlfriend's friends don't like me. That, in itself, is not an alien concept. A lot of people don't like me...most of them have good reasons. Some don't...that bothers me a little.

I just found out today that these friends don't like me for two specific reasons. Firstly, I used to know one of their ex's. They really like him...worship him, practically. I however, didn't like him. He was a bully, and I never get on with bullies. Of course, they didn't know that about him. It was one of those things that he neglected to tell them. I'm usually quite a docile guy. A few times I get worked up verbally, and that (unfortunately for you) often spills out as me over-reacting to stuff online. But I rarely get violent. I've only done it twice with this bully guy. Both times, after doing one thing, I either had him close to, or beyond the brink of tears. It took a lot of self-restraint to keep it to that, especially since this guy was a bully, and spent a lot of time doing everything he could to hurt people, verbally and mentally. I'm also kind of protective, so it took a lot to stop me lashing out then. Basically, this was not a nice guy. However, he didn't tell these two girls any of that. All he mentioned was the two times I lashed out at him...and because they worship him, they won't here a word against him.

The second reason is even worse. I with the first issue to some extent. But the second one...its very complicated. My girlfriend had an internet relationship a while back (as did I, coincidentally). However, I broke up with mine six+ months ago, and she with hers after they met up...they didn't get on. Not a problem, you'd think. However, my gf's two friends really like this other guy. They know him really well, and have made friends. Which is great. Except, they now view me as his "replacement". Because they don't know me, they naturally like my girlfriend's ex more. However, because they like him more, they refuse to get to know me.

Those two problems can be coped with. However, the problem is, they're doing everything they can to break us up. She was at their house, and they pretended to be passing along messages to me. When I didn't believe them, they waited a while, and then managed to get into my gf's account. I actually spoke to her for a bit, but then she left the room...and they took over. However, I didn't realise. So, I've just spent the past two hours getting insulted and upset, because I took it all to heart...my girlfriend is one of the few people who's oppinion I respect. It wasn't until a few minutes ago that I found out I'd been talking to them.

On top of all that, I'm getting snowed under with school (double Maths A-Level...Maths and Further Maths...Maths gives you twice the workload of any other subject, and I'm doing two of them...along with Physics and Chemistry, which are two of the hardest subjects around, especially since Physics is mainly Maths-based). And, I'm having one of those weekends where everything just seems to go wrong. When, instead of getting cheered up by my girlfriend, I get insulted instead...its a problem.


I really need to sort this problem with my girlfriend's friends. Hopefully, I'll get to speak to her alone tomorrow so I can tell her about it...but I also need to try and make her friends not like me a little less...if you get what I mean. Is there anything I can do? I don't want my girlfriend to end up in a situation where she chooses between her friends and me...especially since she gets on really well with them, and she'd probably choose them, and not me. :(


Ah, well. At least its only 1102 days until my teenage troubles are over...at least, over until I become an uncle/father. Fortunately, the world will be safe from my offspring for a fair few years yet.

[Syren Wyssholt]

Uh, you really need to sort this out with your girlfriend and she needs to tell her friends to back off. They have no business interferring in the first place. It's not your responsibility to make her friends like you 'a little less'. You can't make people do things they simply are not going to do. Personally, I'd get rid of the girlfriend if she isn't going to tell her friends to back off and keep their snotty little noses out of the relationship. But, there is a part where you mentioned getting violent physically that made the hairs on the back of my neck rise. I'd get counselling for that temper.

Second of all -

Why on earth do you care what they think or if they even like you or not? The opinions of others matter very little to me. There is less than a handful of people whose opinions do mean a lot to me. God, my fiancee and my children. That's it. Other than that, I don't give a rat's you know what about how others think of me.

[Christopher Munro]

The getting violent thing happened twice...in the space of 5 years. This guy was a constant annoyance to me. More calm and collected people snapped sooner. My temper has come a long way in the last few years...5 years ago, I used to flip out at anything. Now I get worked up, but I can (save for a few coccasions) keep my anger in check. On those few occasions, its often because I've ether got too many things making me angry, or one thing that is going out of its way to make me mad...which this guy used to do. If I didn't glare at him at least once a day, he felt he'd failed. Thats the sort of guy he was. But yeah. I do have a lot of repressed anger...and I have spoken to a counsellor about it. It didn't help. I can usually cope by making things explode on the computer...but if my games don't work...my bedroom can become a very dangerous place. Thank god for doggybear (by big, cuddly dog-bear thing). I've had him since I was born. I think I've nearly hugged his neck off, though...:(

The opinions of others, for the most part, don't matter to me. However, the problem is that people often find a way of preying on my insecurities, and the aspects of me that I don't like. Its sort of backing up my own opinions more than anything. Also, there's the problem of society...these two friends hold a lot of sway and, though I could handle any problems, I don't have to go to school with them. They don't deserve to be Vickei's friends...and they don't realise how lucky they are to be. Vickei has told them to back off before (not specifically regarding me, but with the whole ex-net boyfriend thing), and it didn't work.

Sometimes, I have a feeling it would be easier being female...I could get away with giving people a good slap when they deserve it...but us guys aren't allowed to hit girls...damn social inequality. :mad

[Darth Vader]

I don't care if I have a significant other whose friends don't like me. They aren't my friends, they're hers. I'm to the point in my life where I've got enough friends, and making a few enemies is pretty much sauce for the goose.

I've been generally fortunate to be in relationships with girls who have pretty cool friends, but I've seen incompatibility at its best. My best friend used to date this girl who had to be some kind of Succubus. She hated us, we hated her, and the whole situation put my friend in the middle. In the end, he chose how to handle it.

My advice would be to continue as normal. Don't avoid an opportunity to put things on the mend, but don't do it if it feels unnatural or feels like a compromise. Who gives a crap about these people? Certainly not you, and you shouldn't either. Leave it to your girlfriend. If it comes down to brass tacks, the decision is hers alone.

For other advice, see the addage "Bro's before Ho's", or vice versa, etc.

I wouldn't sweat it. This crap comes with the territory. Its also similar to why almost no married people get along with their in-laws.

[Syren Wyssholt]

Originally posted by Christopher Munro
The opinions of others, for the most part, don't matter to me. However, the problem is that people often find a way of preying on my insecurities, and the aspects of me that I don't like. Its sort of backing up my own opinions more than anything.

This is your own fault because you allow them to make you feel this way and you allow them to prey on your insecurities. It's not an easy thing to do, but write down what makes you insecure about yourself and resolve to work on correcting these behaviors (or whatevers). Then do it.


Also, there's the problem of society...these two friends hold a lot of sway ...

Um, unless these two chicks are the President of the United States, Sister Theresa, or the Attorney General ... they don't hold a lot of sway.


Sometimes, I have a feeling it would be easier being female...I could get away with giving people a good slap when they deserve it...but us guys aren't allowed to hit girls...damn social inequality. :mad

Yeah well its not easy being a female. Each sex has its own ups and downs but being a female definitely isn't easy. In some instances, I think the females have it harder than the men do.



For other advice, see the addage "Bro's before Ho's", or vice versa, etc.

:lol This may be true for some females in the vice versa, but I have seen a few of my friends get into knock down brawls over a guy. In the end, neither got the guy and their friendship ended. Sad, but true in many cases.

[Aiden Xaar]

Well, for starters, I'm in England, so the President is out. I was also speaking microchosmically...Even though its a small scale, the confines of a school are a society. What I meant was, these two people hold a lot of sway with pretty much all of Vickei's other friends, which means that they do have quite a lot of power over her...which means the situation sucks a lot.

I allow them to make me feel this way...wtf? I'm talking about things I've been bullied/picked on about since I was very small, most of which I can't actually help. You're saying that its all my fault? I can't help if I let things get to me...its just the way I am. Maybe I take stuff to heart too much, but thats the way I am. Its not my fault...I can't stop it on a situation-by-situation basis, and it'd take a heck of a lot to change the way I am. I'm a sensitive guy. Its a major part of my personality. Its not my "fault".

And I was actually joking about the women having it easier thing...I guess the obvious example would be pregnancy. I know I don't want to go through that... Its just annoying that, because of how I was raised, and with going to a selective (all boys) grammar school, and having two elder sisters, I've been brought up knowing that I shouldn't hit girls...thats one of the reasons I stopped doing Kung Fu. The only person my size was female and, when we had to spar, I didn't want to hurt her. So, as a result...I got beaten up by a girl. :(

[/Trip]

[Lilaena De'Ville]

If your girlfriend listens to her friends only, and not to your side, then you need a new girlfriend anyway.

[Darth Vader]

Originally posted by Aiden Xaar
I allow them to make me feel this way...wtf? I'm talking about things I've been bullied/picked on about since I was very small, most of which I can't actually help. You're saying that its all my fault? I can't help if I let things get to me...its just the way I am. Maybe I take stuff to heart too much, but thats the way I am. Its not my fault...I can't stop it on a situation-by-situation basis, and it'd take a heck of a lot to change the way I am. I'm a sensitive guy. Its a major part of my personality. Its not my "fault".

Own up to it. Nothing burns me more than people shirking their personal responsibility. Take it like a man.

[Malcolm Trippen]

So its my fault I have a stigmatism, and need to wear glasses? My medical history is my fault? The fact that I'm smarter than people is my fault?

Maybe its my fault for taking it too much to heart, but I've been the easy target since I was six. I'm shirking my "personal responsibility"? What the hell are you on?! I'm not saying I'm blameless, but for crying out loud...you're trying to tell me that its entirely my fault for getting upset, and the people who upset me are blameless? Wha? Where's the logic in that?!

[Jarek T'chort]

Give her the best sex evar and her friends will be forgotten. :cool

[Christopher Munro]

*reads Jarek's post*

:eek




I knew there was a reason I liked getting Imp advice...:D

[Morgan Evanar]

Eat their livers. They'll be dead, and you will get a healthy meal.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

It isn't your fault that you wear glasses, but it is your fault you're smart. And yet, oh so dumb. If you're so smart and tired of being picked on, then just grow up before they do. You need some maturity to look at the big picture, and unless you get it, you'll let teenager stuff like this get to you every time.

[Darth Vader]

Originally posted by Malcolm Trippen
So its my fault I have a stigmatism, and need to wear glasses? My medical history is my fault? The fact that I'm smarter than people is my fault?

Maybe its my fault for taking it too much to heart, but I've been the easy target since I was six. I'm shirking my "personal responsibility"? What the hell are you on?! I'm not saying I'm blameless, but for crying out loud...you're trying to tell me that its entirely my fault for getting upset, and the people who upset me are blameless? Wha? Where's the logic in that?!

WAAAAAAAHHHH yeah so what?

I'm an overweight nerd and I have bad eyesight too. I got over that and learned to deal with the crap that comes with it when I was about oh...fifteen.

Who's to say if those things are your fault? Its hearsay anyways. Am I nearsighted because of genetics, or because I spent way too damn much time with my face in Where's Waldo books? Am I overweight because of SOCIETY, or because I was a big fan of delicious beer on college?

I don't care. Its the way things are, and thats that. If I don't like it, I change it. If it doesn't bother me, whatever. When I decide to lose weight, I'll either cut out my intake of delicious beer, or I'll decide to work out twice as much and keep my delicious beer intake constant. It doesn't matter, really. I don't use that crap as a crutch for my shortcomings, and neither should you.

[Loklorien s'Ilancy]

I've always been a big believer in 'if you can control your environment, do so.'

That's one of the reasons I've moved around so much - because I can, I enjoy it, and I'm in control. Of course there are things that are out of your sphere of influence, but it's the things that are in that sphere which should be acted on.

So the girl's friends don't like you? So what? I've got plenty of people who think I'm a complete and utter bitch, but I ignore them because it's not worth the time to think about them and stress over them. Even some of the gals at work are pretty wary of me (and for good reason, dammit).

Bottom line, don't worry about them. They'll most likely grow up to what we call trailer trash with like, 7 kids anyways.

Eat their livers like Morg said. Also, eat their hearts so you can sustain your lifeforce and live on for the next hundred years or so.

[Alex]

I just don't like people not liking me. It makes me uncomfortable, especially if they're always there when I'm with my gf. I keep getting death-stares and stuff.

Sorry I snapped at you Vader...I woke up on the wrong side of bed. You just came off a bit insulting.

Only a hundred? Hmm. What if I eat their brains?

[Darth Vader]

Originally posted by Alex
I just don't like people not liking me. It makes me uncomfortable, especially if they're always there when I'm with my gf. I keep getting death-stares and stuff.

Sorry I snapped at you Vader...I woke up on the wrong side of bed. You just came off a bit insulting.

Only a hundred? Hmm. What if I eat their brains?


Screw em. You can't please everybody, and I frankly don't mind if a few certain people hate me. Like I said, it's sauce for the goose, and I have no problem being a hated man.

[Alex]

I can cope with people not liking me for some things, but the fact that they don't like me because I'm not someone else...that's what bothers me. Its just a weird concept to get my head around...especially seeing as they're never gonna like me.

I guess I'll cope.

You'd have thought that I'd have learned by now that trying to get sympathy from fans is stupid, huh?

[Loklorien s'Ilancy]

Enemies are actually rather nice to have, IMO. Just enjoy it.

No brains. The hearts are for life essence, and the livers are so you can drink more beer.

[Darth Vader]

Originally posted by Alex
You'd have thought that I'd have learned by now that trying to get sympathy from fans is stupid, huh?

You'll sooner get money from me than sympathy. And I'm a miser when it comes to giving a dime to anybody.

I'm not saying these sorts of things are easy. They're hard to learn how to deal with, but its really one of those things you have to shoulder yourself, and learn what to do when similar encounters arise. Just remember that your attitude is directly proportional to what happens around you.

[Alex]

I have enemies?

:evil

Didn't think about it like that.

Surely the brains make you smarter...and what about kidneys?]

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Originally posted by Alex
Sorry I snapped at you Vader...I woke up on the wrong side of bed. You just came off a bit insulting.
And don't ever insult Darth Vader. EVER!

Here's a short answer: What can I do if people don't like me? You can totally change yourself to turn into a doormat/lapdog so that no one will dislike you, but will all secretly despise you because you have no backbone...

or...

Nothing. Some people just aren't going to like you, no matter how immature or pointless their reasons, and you have to grow up and deal with that.

[Christopher Munro]

Ok...there's the insulting part right there. "Grow up and deal with it"...I don't see how me not wanting people to not like me is being imature. But anyway...

I spoke to my girlfriend about it, and we're going to deal with the problem. They've spent the whole weekend doing the exact same thing to her, which sucks. So we're gonna try and find ourselves some new, better, mutual friends.

That a mature enough thing to do?

(And I don't mean that in an immature, bitchy way...I'm actually serious. IS that the mature way to handle it?)

[Dan the Man]

Originally posted by Christopher Munro
Ok...there's the insulting part right there. "Grow up and deal with it"...I don't see how me not wanting people to not like me is being imature.

Because a mature person knows that they'll never be able to please everybody, and they're able to move on.

As for your course of action, I guess thats ok. Its really less of your decision and more of hers, though.

[Cardinal Aiyalin]

Alrighty, my two cents.

You will never please everyone. Period. There will always be people who don't like you, and there will be people that you don't like. If you spend your entire life pleasing people, you will become one completely miserable person -- because you never please yourself. You know what, I teach high school. I told my kids that I don't care if they like me or not -- only whether they learn. Some teachers want so hard to be liked that they end up making their classes cake -- if you want one of those teachers, you have to switch out of my class. So right now around 80% of my students hate me, but do I let that keep me up at night? Nope. But you know what? They listen to me (because they're afraid of what I'm capable of), they do their work and the majority of them pass their tests..

Now, your girlfriend... if you both came to that decision, then that's fantastic.. As a female, if I confronted friends like that and they refused to back off.. I would find new friends. No one needs people like that in their lives.

Good luck, and try not to let people like that bother you so much. I know that you want to be liked, but sometimes that just isn't an option.

[Slayn Cloak]

Speaking as someone who hates his girlfriends " friends", I have to agree with LD; Also I'd like to add " brake their faces"... I hate the "macho" type of guy but, heh, sometimes you have to and it works. I wouldn't use this method on wemen though...

[Tear]

Sleep with them all. Then youll all be friends. You might get an STD or two though. But it will only burn when you pee so *shrugs*

You might go bald too...but you might end up bald anyway.

and for advice since every one else is giving some.

Maturity is a like a rice cake. Hard and full of rocks. Swing free on the hands of babies and they will take you home to neverland.

[Dae Jinn]

K, I have two things to say...

1 - follow Charley/LD/everyones' advice. Don't always be worried about other people liking you. I do this, and it's crap. Don't be nice to people who aren't nice to you, ignore them.

and...

2 - wth are your gf's friends always around when you're with her? Can't you do things with her only, or are they all joined at the hip?

[Slayn Cloak]

I like you dae!!! :love

...I'm going bald.

[Alex]

Originally posted by Dae Jinn
2 - wth are your gf's friends always around when you're with her? Can't you do things with her only, or are they all joined at the hip?

They follow her around all the time, and seldom leave her alone. Which really sucks. But, there's not much I can do about that...especially not with hr parts bing like they are. Its hard enough finding time for us to be together as it is. :(

[Ida Knoe]

The advice that I always give and live by for this sort of things is, BE YOURSELF! If people don't like you for that then they are not worth your time! if her friends are getting in your face too much just tell them how you feel about your GF and that if they don't like you then They can leave, because you have no intentions of leaving untill your GF tells you she dosen't want you.

[Christopher Munro]

Originally posted by Ida Knoe
The advice that I always give and live by for this sort of things is, BE YOURSELF! If people don't like you for that then they are not worth your time! if her friends are getting in your face too much just tell them how you feel about your GF and that if they don't like you then They can leave, because you have no intentions of leaving untill your GF tells you she dosen't want you.

I couldn't think of a way to sum it up...thanks. I'll see how well that works.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

hr parts bing? That sounds like she need a tune-up. :)

[Lion El' Jonson]

I tried out the doormat thing last year, because I was sick of being disliked by a certain 6 people in my school. Rather stupid to attempt to change myself in order to please such a small number of people...but that was 10th grade. :lol

Anyways, it played out just like Lil (HAPPY NOW?! :D) said it would...eventually, one of those 6 confronted me, hit me with eggs, and told me that I had no backbone.

So I broke his nose. :lol

My parents had to pay for him to get it fixed in Hong Kong, but they admitted that they'd have done the same thing in my position. He tried to make up with me this year, and I accepted. Now that I'm not acting like a damned doormat, he doesn't have a problem with me anymore.

Still, whenever I look at his nose, I reminisce. :) In general, just be yourself, and people will take you for what you are. If they don't like you, then there's no point in changing yourself to suit them. If they don't accept you, then it's not worth being friends with them in the first place.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Originally posted by Lion El' Jonson
Anyways, it played out just like Dae said it would...eventually, one of those 6 confronted me, hit me with eggs, and told me that I had no backbone.
..actually I said that. :)

[Lion El' Jonson]

Gah! I knew I'd mix you two up one day. :lol

[ReaperFett]

Originally posted by Alex
I can cope with people not liking me for some things, but the fact that they don't like me because I'm not someone else...that's what bothers me. Its just a weird concept to get my head around...especially seeing as they're never gonna like me.
Bribe them. They'll like you if they get cars out of it :p

[Slayn Cloak]

I digress, and say: brake his face...

[Travis North]

Originally posted by Lion El' Jonson
In general, just be yourself, and people will take you for what you are. If they don't like you, then there's no point in changing yourself to suit them. If they don't accept you, then it's not worth being friends with them in the first place.

Best Advice I've heard. Next to Zac Branigan(Futurama) I mean Tear.

[Tear]

anyone for some Cham pagen?

[Christopher Munro]

Nah...Tear doesn't have the legs to wear Zap Branigan's trousers...

:bounce

I had fun today. Whoever said having enemies was a good thing...you were right. I was later than normal going to see Vickei - I got held up with a meeting at lunch, that the teacher sprung on me five minutes before it actually happened (:mad grrr). Vickei drove her friends almost insane asking where I was. Then, when I got there, she sprinted across the field over to me, and we started smooching and stuff...her friends were just stood there giving me death stares. :D I think they like me even less now. I think I'm actually going to enjoy this...

[Shanaria Fabool]

Well at least you are having fun...

[Dasquian Belargic]

Just don't get too sure of yourself, or she might notice that you're purposefully trying to rile them up and get a bit upset :uhoh

[Loklorien s'Ilancy]

Originally posted by Christopher Munro

I had fun today. Whoever said having enemies was a good thing...you were right.

Of course I'm right. I'm s'Il.

But, Das is right. Just be confident in what you do and let the others deal with it.

[Alex]

I'm not purposefully trying to rile them up. It just happened. I didn't do anything on purpose. If me and Vickei doing normal boyfriend-girlfriend stuff annoys them, its just a side-effect. Not a bad one, but still. I'm not malicious enough to do stuff like that on purpose...besides, I'd never use Vickei to hurt someone. I like her too much for that.

[Slayn Cloak]

good :)

[Charley]

Originally posted by Christopher Munro
Nah...Tear doesn't have the legs to wear Zap Branigan's trousers...

:bounce

I had fun today. Whoever said having enemies was a good thing...you were right. I was later than normal going to see Vickei - I got held up with a meeting at lunch, that the teacher sprung on me five minutes before it actually happened (:mad grrr). Vickei drove her friends almost insane asking where I was. Then, when I got there, she sprinted across the field over to me, and we started smooching and stuff...her friends were just stood there giving me death stares. :D I think they like me even less now. I think I'm actually going to enjoy this...

PDA is severely frowned upon. It really makes you seem tacky and insecure. Keep it under wraps.

[Slayn Cloak]

PDA isin't so bad IMO, just so long as it's not indecent... somethings should be done in private, and a sertant level of respect should be shown to your significant other. :) ( I consider a hug to be PDA)

[Alex]

*is dumb*

PDA? Isn't that one of those little palm-top thingies?

[Dark Lord Rivin]

They mean Public Display of Affection, not Personal Data Assistant.

[Alex]

Aaah. Ok.

In that case, I agree with what Slayn was saying. PDA is alright, but I guess you can go too far sometimes.