If I may and If I might (Marcus)

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Hormones! Hormones! Too many hormones!!

Quay'Na Rakai entered Dexter's Diner with an exhausted look on her face, she had just returned from a venture on her own of trying to find out just where she belonged. The Padawan still didn't know and knew that the only way to find out and that was to take some time to talk to her Master.

"Well, look who the cat just dragged in." Bellowed a very friendly voice that Quay knew very well.

"Dex, how ya doing?" She asked as she put down her bags that were slung over her shoulders.

Dexter came around and gave her a friendly hug. "Glad to see ya back, kiddo."

Quay'Na returned the hug and then stepped back. "Is he around?"

"Yep, where he normally is, go have a look and when you're done come back down here for some of your favorite chocolate cake."

"Thanks, Dex." Quay'Na returned as she slipped into the kitchen and up the hidden stairwell. Her heart felt heavy as she neared his office, she felt his presence and was sure he felt hers. Probably did as soon as she stepped off the transport.

She stepped up to the door and knocked lightly, she felt tense and a little sick. Deep in Quay's mind she wondered if he would just throw her out. She vowed to take whatever he gave.

[Marcus Telcontar]

it wasn't Marcus who opened the door. Instead, a large black cat sprung out, charging around the corner as a girl about 7 chased it, squealing in delight. Blazing red hair and deep green eyes marked her as Jina Telcontar, who skidded to a stop, looking rather surprised.

"Auntie Quay?" she said hesitantly, suddenly gone all shy.

The cat poked it's head around the corner, wondering why the fun game of chasing was stopped. Ohhh, Quay-Hawk!

You can chase me too Quay-hawk!

[Quay'Na Rakai]

The child and cat had brought a new smile to her face, something she rarely did anymore.

Quay gently touched Jina on the shoulder. "Hi, sweetie. I've come back to talk to Marcus, but it's very nice to see you and Stig." A sense of ease came to her. "I'm afraid, I can't play at the moment, but perhaps later." She offered, but she knew chase of out of the question with her pregnancy.

Right now, she had to talk to Marcus this was her priority.

[Marcus Telcontar]

"Hunter is by that window" Jina stated. "Where he usually is if he's thinking. I dont think he's in a good mood. C'mon Stiggy, lets go talk to Uncle Dex!"

With that, Jina and Stig cleared out. Leaving Quay by herself.

[Quay'Na Rakai]

With a deep breath, Quay entered and saw Marcus as Jina said. "Must be some pretty heavy thinking, Master. I can't imagine why, though I've been there myself several times these past few weeks." She began quietly.

[Marcus Telcontar]

"Have you now" he responded quietly, still looking out the window as he did when deep in thought. Arwenai was elsewhere, so that meant he coudl smoke and indeed he was, the room hazed with pipe smoke. "And what may I ask, have you been thinking of? Your child to be? Your feelings for someone else? Your place in the Galaxy? where you belong and where you will go? Everyone askes this of themselves. I wonder if Quay Na'Rakai knows the answer?"

"Let me say this - the answer is not for me to provide. It is for yourself, no one else can tell you where your footsteps led. I will also say this - I offer nothing much here, nothing but truth, honesty and family. You could be a Jedi, you might even be a Jedi Master for all I can see int he future - or you can be Quay Na'Rakai. Do you understand what this means?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"I don't want to be just Quay'Na Rakai, I want to be someone...I want to be a Jedi and I want to make a difference in my life and my son's. But, lately I've felt more and more alone and I want to make the right decisions and..."

Quay'Na went silent for fear of breaking into tears, the depression that had settled over her threatened to take her over. She pushed it away again as she had so many times in the past two weeks.

"I feel...that I have disappointed you, Master and I'm sorry. I left when I should have come to you and told you how I felt. I don't understand what is going on with me anymore. I'm all messed up inside and...and I just want to belong somewhere..."

Silently, the tears were finally shed, there was no hiding them. Quay wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve. "I don't want to be shut out. Please, Master...take me back and I won't disappoint you again. I don't have answers for your questions. But I want to find those answers along side my Master, if he'll find it in his heart to forgive me for leaving."

[Marcus Telcontar]

Even Jedi get surprised sometimes. Even if your one like Telcontar, a good deal more learned and powerful than almost any others.

"I noted you had been seen around GJO, but you had left? I did not know this. I only thought you were looking and searching, as I would have expected and encouraged. But left entirely? disappointed me? I think you mis-read your situation - I have a baby to look after, I can't always be looking over your shoulder and I wont.

Padawan, there's no shame in being whom you are - being someone IS being Quay Na'Rakai. ever heard of the term Know thyself?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"I thought I did know myself, Master." She told him quietly. "I felt so proud when Arwenai was born and you took me on as your Padawan. The great Marcus Telcantor had agreed to take me on as his Padawan, after being under Helenias' charge...me, Quay'Na Rakai. The all time complete loser of the GJO, because I couldn't keep a master and I couldn't stay out of trouble."

Quay sighed. "It wasn't like I went looking for trouble, it was just always there and I always seemed to stumble into it. Vega, Brent...the brat pack."

[Marcus Telcontar]

Silence.

"All time loser? Padawan, your so far from it, you have no idea. I've seen some worthless lumps come past in my time and even had one of the worst as a Padawan. I'll have no more talk of that because you are better and you know it. And dont bother contradicting me, unless you want to see what happens when I get angry. Maybe you have a low sense of worth, but I certainly would not have let you within a parsec if I agreed with your assessment. I dont have time to waste on fools anymore"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay was quiet for a few moments as she thought about what he said.

He believed in her. It had been far more than she had believed in herself. But, maybe...

Quay would think no more of this, if her master thought she was worthy, than she eventually would as well.

"I just want to be a good student and a good mother. It's what I live for." She finally said as a small smile crept across her face.

[Marcus Telcontar]

"To live for, hmm? Admirable sentiments. Remeber you well that you are a student for life and a student OF life. Never stop learning, even when you become teacher - which you will, shortly. I asked you before, do you want to be a Jedi or do you want to be Quay Na'Rakai? I say to you that to understand what I meant is to understand a truth in being Jedi, a real Jedi - a Jedi is commitment, training, a way of life. Some get so wrapped in it, they lose their identity. Lose their soul and become inhuman droids, emotionless, unfeeling - unable to remember what it's like to be real.

I am a father. I am a husband. I am a warrior, I am a Jedi. But, they each only part of describing Marcus Telcontar. I didnt choose to be Jedi. I chose part of whom I am to be Jedi - to define whom Marcus was. There's an important distinction there and it's part of why I choose to be away from the Council and the other Jedi. Just Quay Na'Rakai you say? Just???? I say there's nothign more important!"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"It's become clearer now, I do understand. I do chose to be a Jedi, but I chose to be Quay'Na Rakai first and foremost. I don't wish to lose my identy, my son is too important for me to allow that. He needs me and I need him, Master."

[Marcus Telcontar]

"A good answer, but not one I will accept. The only answer I accept as you know is your actions. It is not by words we are defined, but by what we do - and sometimes, what we dont do. You will be judged on them - your son......son? When did you know the sex of your baby? You didn't tell me this. Ahhh., but I haven't been around to be told, have I? Busy I've been. Busy but happy. "

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"I found out a about a month ago. I wanted to tell you, but as you said you've been busy so I figured I'd tell you sometime. Then all this other stuff happened and it got mixed into the shuffle. I've even chosen his name, it's going to be Aramis Elijah Rakai. After my uncle." Quay'Na told him quietly, as she placed gently hand on her stomach and felt her son move.

"I also want to thank you again for saving my son, none of this could've happened if you hadn't helped me get the medical attention that I needed."