Pondering

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na Rakai stood on the roof of Dexter's Diner, watching the starlit sky and traffic go by. This evening was cool with a slight breeze. Very refreshing for the nearly six month pregnant female.

She had been living with the Lost Jedi for nearly three months and she had never felt so alone in her life. There were so many things she missed from the Greater Jedi Order.

Her friends were the main things, her life was a secret...even to her family. Quay could tell no one where she lived or what she was doing or that she even was in training, which she wasn't most of the time.

She missed talking to the Masters in the mornings, eating in the dining hall with her friends. The Padawan was lost, she was lost from all of this and more.

You are missed greatly. Quay remembered Dasquian telling her not too long ago.

Then, there was her good friend Kack, who wanted her to come back as well and Jacali and Mylia. All her best friends.

But, then there was Marcus.

Her master. The Lost Jedi Warlord. The man who she fought alongside and respected deeply. This tore at her more than anything else.

She had no idea what she was going to do.

[River Kincaid]

River had seen Quay go up to the roof a while ago. He found himself watching out for her quite often on a friendly basis.

Stepping out into the soft moonlight, he took a few steps towards her. "Want some company?" He asked softly, so not to startle her.

[Quay'Na Rakai]

The Lost Padawan had felt him approach and nodded. "Sure, I could always use someone to talk too."

Quay looked over at him as she took a seat in a lawn chair that was set up.

[River Kincaid]

River smiled and sat down beside her. "You seemed pretty deep in thought a moment ago, anything wrong?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"Have you ever thought that a decision you knew felt so right could possibly be all wrong?" She asked as she looked at him.

[River Kincaid]

River nodded and chuckled slightly. "Oh, yes. I've made some decisions like that in my day. Trusting Angelina with our daughter was probaby one of my biggest mistakes lately. But, all is well now, she's back here with me and Ry."

He looked at her more closely to see where she was going with this. "Is it something to do with the baby?" River hoped she wasn't having second thoughts about keeping it, she had come so far.

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"No, Aramis is doing very well. I can't wait until the day I see him. I never thought in a million years I'd be having a baby, I was always told I would never have one and look at me."

Quay rested a hand on her stomach. Even with the background of how the child was conceived, Quay felt blessed. "Saadya thinks he'll look like me."

[River Kincaid]

"Ahhh, yeah the dark-haired desert guy, you've been spending a lot of time with him lately. Perhaps a love affair is becoming evident?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na shook her head and smiled. "No, we're just friends. Saadya just seems to understand me. Even though sometimes, nowadays I don't understand myself." Which brought her back to her original thoughts and she sighed.

[River Kincaid]

River was quiet for a few moments. "What is it really, Quay? Something is bothering you and I'm not going to pretend that I don't know what that is. You're wondering....whether or not you should stay here."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na was more than surprised that River seemed to know what was going on. So much, that she couldn't even answer for a couple of moments. "I miss my friends, I miss the Order. I miss a lot of things, River. But, then I think of how Marcus took me in as his Padawan and...I know that, that doesn't happen everyday. But, we've not really trained since I arrived, I found out that I was pregnant and seeing Marcus has become fewer and fewer."

[River Kincaid]

"I agree that being in the Lost is nothing like being in the Order. I was there for a short time. But, then again, I've never been around a great amount of people. So, I felt out of place there."

River looked up at the stars and took a deep breath. "Only you can decide what is best for you and your son, Quay."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"I know, but Marcus..."

[River Kincaid]

River took a hold of her hand. "Marcus will understand, Quay. If this is truly what you feel is best, he will understand. I have no doubt on that."

He paused. "I know, it's been rough ever since you joined us, you have a good heart, Quay."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na nodded. "Thanks, River. I know, what I need to do now. What is best for Aramis and I. I just can't live this life with this secret weighing on me. The Lost isn't supposed to exist and I find myself having to lie to my friends and family whenever they ask what I'm doing or where I've been. "

She looked at him. "How do you live like that?"

[River Kincaid]

"Well, it comes easy for me, my brother knows as does Faith. Other than that, I have no one else to really talk to. I wasn't in the Order as long as you were, so I really don't know anyone there."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"Never in my life had I thought, I'd go back. But, I feel I must. To regain who I am." She sighed and looked up.

[River Kincaid]

River nodded. "I understand, Quay. But, there is someone else you need to talk to."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay nodded. "I know. A lot has changed since this little one has come into my life. I always thought that coming here was the best for me and maybe it was, but I want more choices for Aramis. I want him to grow up in the Order."