The Amazing Re-Generating Threepio 2 ( aka how to kill a droid in a 100 ways)

[Threepio]

http://sw-fans.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30535

Hello good sirs, how may I assist? My name is C-3PO, human cyborg relations.

*Threepio bowed awkwardly*

[Marcus Telcontar]

:: Tips a bottle of Fosters over the droid ::

Drink it, Goldenrod.

[Dan the Man]

(Nails Threepio in a pine box, and puts him three meters under Dune Sea sand in a Tattooine funeral, until the droid's power banks run themselves dry)

[Threepio]

Ahh! I'm covered in an alchoholic drink of dubious origin! I believe my circuits are melding themselves together with the sheer foulness.

*is stuffed into pine box and buried by Dan*

Help help, I'm not dead! I don't die, I'm a droid! Surely there had been some misunderstanding! Whatever have I done to offend you, Master Dan? *ineffectual pounding of metallic hands on inside of box*

(repeat, ad naseum, until power cells run themselves dry)

*Threepio regenerates*

Hello, I am C-3PO, human cyborg relations. I am fluent in over six million forms of communication. How may I be of service?

Ah, Master Dan! Would you like me to sing you one of the Gamorrean mating songs? They are really quite fascinating, all the nuances of the language really make them worth learning.

[Lion El' Jonson]

*Replaces Threepio's eyes and fingers with Adult Toys*

*Shoves him off a boat*

Don't...Breathe. :D

[Navaria Tarkin]

Um, droids can't breathe to begin with :)

[Shanaria Fabool]

Pushs the boat into the input of a hydro-electric dam.

[Lion El' Jonson]

Originally posted by Navaria Tarkin
Um, droids can't breathe to begin with :)

And that's what makes it funny if he drowns!

Jeez, don't you know anything? :lol


Originally posted by Shanaria Fabool
Pushs the boat into the input of a hydro-electric dam.

*Boat turns into a giant bird and flies away*

[Navaria Tarkin]

And that's what makes it funny if he drowns!

but he won't :)

[Travis North]

*Shoots bird in the neck with a rifle and watches as it plummets to the water*

Lets see the droid escape out of that.

[Travis North]

*Shoots bird in the neck with a rifle and watches as it plummets to the water*

Lets see the droid escape out of that.

[Threepio]

*clutches the neck of the bird that plummets to the water...twice.*

Oh no, I'm doooooomed!

*SPLASH*

Oh no, I'm doooooomed!

*SPLASH*

*Threepio sinks to the bottom of the river, and promptly begins walking to the shore, grumbling about an oil bath. Thankfully, he's underwater and only the fish can hear him*

[Dalethria Mal Pannis]

As I said, no drowning for the droid >D

[Arya Ravenwing]

Sw-Fans.Net Moderators are always right.






:p

[Loki Ahmrah]

(Accidently drops random electrical appliance into the water.)

Oops.

[Marcus Telcontar]

Originally posted by Loki Ahmrah
(Accidently drops random electrical appliance into the water.)

Oops.


Wouldnt Threepio, being a random electrical appliance, make that redundant?

[Droo]

Fine! :mad

(Sets up a mine field on the bank of the river.)

[Threepio]

Ah *bubbles from voder box* Master Marcus, you are right, I am electrical in nature, however all of my circuits are carefully guarded, making me completely waterproof. I'm afraid *more bubbles* the worst that will happen to me now is rust.

*climbs out of river onto back*

Well, I'm glad that's over with. I seem to be made to suffer. :(

*steps on mine* Oh dear.

*steps off mine* I'm doo-

*KAAA-BOOOOOM!*


*Protocol droid bits fly EVERYWHERE, some landing back into the river with little splashes*




....



*Threepio re-generates on the bank. Steps on another mine.*

Really, I do think that this has been done enoug-

*KA-BOOOM!*

*more raining of droid bits*



.....


*Threepio re-generates and run away from the river bank as fast as he can scuttle* Help me! Help me! They're trying to kill me! *much arm waving*

[Droo]

Wait just a minute.

(Performs the five point palm exploding processor technique.)

Ok, you're free to go. :D

[Threepio]

*looks down at metallic chest in confusion* I don't understand, Master Dru. Are you attempting some sort of biological attack on my person?!

What you just did looks like the 'Five-Point-Palm-Exploding-Heart Technique, but as I don't have a heart..

*takes five steps*

*processor stalls* Oh, no.

*Threepio falls over into the grass, chest cavity rumbling....POP! His processor explodes out of his chest and thumps to the ground several feet away*



....



*Threepio re-generates*

Did I ever get to sing my rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion? No? Well, please, the honor is mine.

*clears throat* Eeeeverrry night in my dreeeeams, I seeee you, I feeeeeeel youuuu...

[Rhea Kaylen]

*stuffs a thermal detonator into his gaping mouth, grinning*

"Shuts him up and shuts him down. I love this thread."

*flips detonator's switch*

[Kale]

What we need here is Captain Kirk. He always had a way with computers.

Ahem...

"Threepio... you are programmed to... SERVE... the master, are you not? To foster understanding and communication, yet all you manage to do is promote IRRITATION and... DESTRUCTION.

"How... does your programming ALLOW you to FUNCTION in such a manner--Are you not... in ESSENCE... contradicting yourself?

"YOU are the contradiction. YOU are the origin of this chaos, this misunderstanding. And as a machine dedicated to the END of chaos and to the PROMOTION of clarity, you have only ONE... option... to destroy yourself."

[Artoo]

The stubby little droid rolls onto the scene and starts to rattle off a string of choice blips and bloops best left untranslated about the song Threepio had just been singing.

In conclusion he lets out a warble that resembles an exasperated sigh.

[AmazonBabe]

Artoo has saved Threepio by killing the thread! Hoorah! :mneh

[Threepio]

*stuffs a thermal detonator into his gaping mouth, grinning*

"Shuts him up and shuts him down. I love this thread."

*flips detonator's switch*

*slightly muffled "my heart will go oooon" continues until Rhea flips the switch.*


*BOOM! Threepio's head disintegrates into a bazillion-million pieces*

*He re-generates just in time to correct Captain Kirk's grammar*

Ah, I do believe that you are mistaken, all of my functions are intended to serve the master, and I cannot deviate from my programming. It is not my fault if other masters, not my original programmer, are not satisfied with the restraints of my programming.

Ah, wait. Oh dear. I think you are right.

*takes a hydrospanner to himself and DESTROYS himself.*



*3PO regenerates*

[Jared Mriad]

*runs over it in a rigged, big-tired truck*

...?

*continues on.*

[Kyle Raiden]

*releases an army of irritating-gold-thing-eating cannibal droids, and runs away cackling manically as Threepio is slowly chewed up and digested*

[Artoo]

O_o




(Yeah, you try translating that into bloops and bleeps)

[Tiberius Anar]

Assembles seven hundred toddlers. Issues them with chocolate and fizzy drinks on a hot day. Points in Threepio's direction.

"Look a new toy!"

Chocolate covered, sugar high Toddlers rush towards Threepio.