No Way Out (Anthony)

[Quay'Na Rakai]

No Way Out


Everywhere I turn, I hurt someone
But, there's nothing I can say to change
The things I've done
Of all the things I hid from you
I cannot hide the shame
And I pray someone, something will come
To take away the pain.

There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But, I can't see another way...
I can't face another day...

Tell me where, did I go wrong?
Everyone I loved, they're all gone
I'd do everything so differently
But, I can't turn back the time
There's no shelter from the storm...
Inside of me...

There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But, I can't see another way...
I can't face another day...

It had been three weeks since Quay'Na Rakai-Scott had seen her husband, Anthony. Three long weeks of silently rehearsing what she was going say to him, how she was going to say it.

But, there was no way out of this, she was pregnant with another man's child, one she would have to raise...by herself? Quay'Na regretted deeply now not telling Anthony what had happened nearly three months ago.

In her eyes, she had been doing the right thing, it would only cause him unneeded pain and she had suffered enough of that on her own, without dragging him into it. Now, it was too late, possibly three months too late.

With her dufflebag slung over her shoulder, she slowly walked into the condominium building and took the lift to the fiftith floor. It was about another half hour before the sun went down and it would no doubt be the quickest half hour of her life.

Anthony would emerge from their bed chambers with that loving embrace and gentle smile on his face, welcoming her home.

Quay knew it would take all she had to keep from bursting into tears at that very moment.

With a deep breath, the Lost Padawan opened the door to the home they shared and wondered if after tonight, it would still remain their home.

She dropped her bag by the door and saw...a dozen red roses in a beautiful vase sitting on the counter that led to their kitchen.

Quay felt tears well up in her eyes as she opened the note attached. I've missed you dearly, my love. I'll be up at six. With all my love, Anthony

She kept the note with her and smelled the roses, they were wonderful, it was just like him.

The Lost Padawan held onto the note and walked out onto the balcony...she felt so much like crying. But, she had to be strong...even her strong side could be broken and shattered and tonight. Who knew what would happen.

So, with her Force barriers in place, she waited on her love to awaken...

[Anthony Scott]

It had been a good day's rest and Anthony could hardly sleep with the thought of his beautiful wife returning home to him. It had been some time since he had spent any real quality time with Quay, and tonight, he vowed to make it the most special occasion. With a yawn and a smile, the immortal being rose from the bed he and Quay shared only a few times a month. His feet hit the floor and with stretching arms, Anthony Scott stood up. Immediatly his eyes shot to the crono on the wall and with a sigh of relief, he noted that it was exactly six o'clock. "Perfect."

It did not take long before Anthony was dressed in a new set of black robes that he had purchased just the other day. They were lovely and comfortable. Of course, he wished to look his best for the woman of his dreams -- she herself was a dream. Checking his appearance one last time in the mirror, the Vampire nodded with satisfaction. A hand was placed on the doors to their room and they slowly moved open as Anthony set his gaze on the balcony. There sat lovely Quay'Na in the moonlight. She was just as heavenly now as she had been in his dreams.

Quietly and with the stealth of a cat, the fledgling sauntered up behind the woman and then wrapped his arms around her neck, placing a kiss on her cheek. "I love you," the immortal whispered in her ear before kissing her cheek once again. There was something strange about her, though -- the way that she looked out into the night. Anthony could feel a change, a shift in her aura and it made him wonder about her emotions. "Did I do something wrong? Is she happy with me? Did she want to come home?" The thought even crossed his mind if the flowers he got her were okay. Still, she smiled and returned his joyful welcome as she always had.

Something inside Anthony led him to believe, however, that this was more than just a normal homecoming.

[Quay'Na Rakai]

A tear had fallen down her cheek as thoughts of their wedding night cascaded through her mind. Such a happy and memorable night that had been.

Such love they shared and now....she tensed slightly as his arms wrapped around her. A kiss and an 'I love you', eased her mind as she turned and looked at him with a smile. Quay remembered the tear that had fallen and wiped it away.

"I've missed you so much, my Luv." She told him and gently brought her lips to his as she embraced him. Her husband, her lover, her best friend.

As their lips parted, Quay showed him the note he'd left for her. "The roses were a lovely surprise. Your note touched my heart as always."

Another tear fell. Sadness enveloped her as she touched his cheek gently with her hand. "I wanted this night to be perfect for us. But, I'm afraid, it's going to be quite the opposite. I've something to tell you and..." She closed her eyes as more tears came, tears that she couldn't stop.

God, I can't lose him...please.

[Anthony Scott]

Anthony smiled as he saw Quay's face for the first time in God only knew how long. Her lips were just as delicious as the kiss that they delivered, her touch something he had longed for every waking moment of the day. In his dreams was the only time they could meet while they were apart, but finally, she was home. "I've missed you too. You have no idea how much." He smiled and the light touched the sharp canine teeth that were just peeking below his upper lip. He was very happy and only smiled so much for her, only enough for her to see who he truly was.

It was then that it hit him like a ton of bricks. There, upon her cheek, was a tear. It glistened in the moonlight that danced upon the emotional residue. His eyes narrowed slightly as he watched it fall, and just before he was about to question its appearance, Quay wiped it away and began to speak. Now more tears were falling as the words left her lips more rapidly than usual. The Force told him something was very wrong -- and he could feel her emotion flowing about her. "Shhh....slow down, Quay. This night could not be more perfect -- you're home and we're together." But he was cut short after she spoke her last words.

"I've something to tell you, and..."

This left Anthony a bit speechless. The words stung at his heart as he feared the worst. "Is she sick? Has someone hurt her? Is she...going to leave me?" The questions hurled through his mind faster than the speed of light. Shaking his head, he quieted his heart and calmed himself. "What's wrong, my beautiful dove? What could make you cry on such a night as this?" He questioned, the compassion from his heart evident on his voice. He took her hands in his and sat down, scooting the extra deck chair closer to hers. "You can tell me anything." He whispered the reassurance, hoping that whatever it was -- it would not be as he had feared. "She loves me, she even kissed me. Why would she leave me?" Anthony's mind reassured himself as he watched Quay for some sort of expression or hint that she was going to speak.

"Please Quay, I love you."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na looked into his eyes, such love he had for her, the concern showed as well. God, how much she loved him, but how would he possibly react to her news, she didn't know.

The Padawan took a deep breath to calm herself, still another tear fell.

"I know you love me." She told him gently. "I love you too." Quay'Na paused for a moment. "I...I've kept something from you and I never should have, but I did it in your best interests. You've got to believe me, Anthony. I didn't tell you this because I loved you and now...I'm paying for it."

[Anthony Scott]

A sigh of relief came as she spoke the three words that would reassure him forever. Of course she loved him -- he would be stupid to believe otherwise. It was what she said next, however, that made him a bit uneasy.

"You've kept something from me? I get that you want to protect me, babe -- but you can always tell me everything." He paused and kissed her forehead before sitting back as he was. His hands gently squeezed hers as his concern grew quite apparent.

"Shh...it's okay my love. I believe you, I do. You know I trust you." Anthony's eyes were strong and calm, though inside his heart he felt turmoil and curiosity. He was worried -- who wouldn't be? "Please tell me, Quay. Trust me..."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep, cleansing breath. Here goes nothing.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. "It was almost a month after we were engaged, so that would've been about three months ago. Ummm, I had gone into the B&G to get a drink and I saw a friend in there I hadn't seen for a long time, but before we got too deeply into a conversation Mylia came in and the two of them started talking."

Quay'Na paused and stood up. She walked over to the railing on the balcony. "I excused myself, because they wanted some time alone. I went up to the bar and was soon joined by a man, I'd never seen before there. He...uh...seemed alright so I talked to him, just as I would anyone. He came onto me for few minutes, but I told him I was taken and he said no problem basically and ordered me a drink."

Anthony had moved from his chair and was beside her now, she turned and looked at him. "He wasn't alright though, Anthony." She told him as the tears began to fall as she shook her head. "He wasn't at all." Quay's hands went to her face as she started crying again, This was so hard!!

[Anthony Scott]

Anthony listened as Quay explained. The situation she was telling him about sounded just fine, until she got to the end. "He wasn't alright? What do you mean he wasn't alright?!" The thoughts screamed inside Anthony's head as he attempted to find answers from her body language. Nothing. There was nothing and all he could do was wait until she spoke again.

"Shhh...it's okay, honey. I'm here for you." He pulled his wife close to him and held her head against his chest. His strong arms were a comfort to her as she wept into her hands. "Shhh, it'll be okay. Just tell me how you feel and what happened. Why wasn't he alright?" He kissed the top of her head as she continued crying.

Maybe it was time for him to coax the answers out of her. "Sweetie, please tell me. I love you and nothing you could possibly say would ever change that. Just tell me, why wasn't he alright?" He paused a moment as thoughts circled in his mind. "Did he -- hurt you? Did something happen to him? What went wrong, my love?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay calmed down and shook her head. "He...he drugged me and I didn't even know it. I just started feeling bad and decided it was time for me to go back to the order. This man told me he would make sure I got back home , but he didn't take me home." Her body began trembling uncontrollably as the next few events began to go through her mind.

"He took me somewhere else...I didn't know where and...and he raped me."

At that point, Quay sunk to the floor in uncontrollable sobs. She felt so ashamed and dirty.

[Anthony Scott]

The words spilled out of Quay's mouth so fast that Anthony didn't even have time to think. He shook his head as Quay slipped from his arms and fell to the floor in sobs. The words seemed to unbelievable to him as they echoed in his mind. The world just seemed to stop in that very instant.

"What?"

He couldn't even hear himself speak and before he knew it, he spun around and punched the wall, doing no damage to the cement -- but breaking his hand. "GOD DAMNIT!!" The words left his mouth as a scream as his blood began to boil.

"Who did this to you? Do you remember? What did he look like?" It was all that Anthony could think about. "I'm going to kill the motherfreller, Quay. I swear it -- I'm going to castrate the son of a --" He paused then as his own tears from pain and anguish began to fall. They dripped down his face and onto his robes.

"This isn't happening -- not to me, not to her -- not to us." He held his hand close to his body as the pain ravaged through him. "I'm sorry Quay. I'm so sorry -- you shouldn't have to go through this. You don't deserve this." He fell to the ground with her and wrapped both arms, broken hand and all, around her trembling figure.

She wouldn't look at him and he did not even know where to begin with words. There was nothing he could ever do or say to make her feel complete again. Whoever did this to her, ruined part of Quay and it was slowly ruining part of Anthony. "Please look at me, Quay. I love you! I'm sorry..." He trailed off, so lost and confused already as he rocked her back and forth, their tears falling in time as their hearts beat rapidly against one another. "I hate seeing you this way...I hate it...I'll find him, Quay. I'll find him and I'll make him pay for this...I'll make him pay."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay didn't know how long it until the tears finally stopped, Anthony wasn't mad at her and she was thankful for that, so thankful. But, there was more.

Quay wiped at her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Anthony this has happened...but there's more and it's not getting any better." She bit her lip as she put her arms aroudn his and held him close, careful of not touching his obviously broken hand.

[Anthony Scott]

Anthony couldn't think of anything else that would make this situation worse, but obviously Quay knew that there was something more. He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that when he opened them this would all be a nightmare.

"Shh...please don't cry, Quay. Whatever it is, you can tell me -- we'll pull through this just fine." He whispered the words into her ear and kissed the side of her face. The pain in his hand was blocked now as he focused upon his wife and all she had to say. There was nothing more important than her at this moment -- there was nothing more important than her ever, but especially now.

"I love you, and you can tell me anything, you know that."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

This was so hard for her, it weighed heavily on her heart. "Anthony..." She couldn't even look at him. "I'm...I'm pregnant. I'm so, so, sorry."

[Anthony Scott]

Now everything really stopped for Anthony. He couldn't move as his very vampiric blood froze inside of his veins. The news was more than he could bear and his heart simply collapsed inside of him.

"No -- you can't be. It was one time, right? You can't be, right? It's a mistake -- Quay?" The tears fell harder then ever before and it looked like someone had punched Anthony in the face for how the blood tears continued falling. He shuddered and shook his head as he pulled away from Quay and looked at her, unable to find an answer to her own words.

"Ca -- can't you do something about it? Ca -- can't you end the pregnancy or something? You can't live with that, Quay, I can't watch you suffer with such a reminder for the rest of your life. I'm going to find him and kill him, Quay." But there was no answer from his wife, and Anthony fell apart in her arms, unable to believe this was happening to them.

He was unable to comprehend anything at the moment...

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"Wha...what?" She couldn't have heard him right. Get rif of the child...she did hear him right.

"Anthony," she said as she held him. "I can't do that, please don't ask that of me."

[Anthony Scott]

Anthony still couldn't believe what he was hearing. Now Quay wanted to keep the child. He shook his head and pulled her away from him to look into her eyes. "It's not mine! How can you expect me to raise a child that is born of another man?!" All of the fledglings dreams seemed to by flying out the window with each passing moment.

The dream he had of having his own children with Quay, someday, was gone now -- now that she was carrying this baby. The thought suddenly struck him, though. "How? How is it even possible, Quay?! I thought you were going to wait for me! Why is this happening!?"

Anthony stood up and paced over to the other side of the balcony as he held his broken hand. It hurt so badly now...

"This can't be happening..."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"I didn't want this, Anthony, but I can't have an abortion. I'm a Jedi and my oath is to preserve life, not destroy it and that would be what I'd do if I aborted this child. It's not the child's fault...it's...it's my fault. I wasn't strong enough and I'm sorry, Anthony. I'm soo sorry!" God, this was a mess.

"I failed you as a wife, I failed my fathers as a daughter and I failed the Order as a Jedi." More tears fell as she stood and looked at him. "Besides, I may not be able to carry the child anyway. You should go have that hand looked at."

Quay said no more and walked back into the apartment, more tears came as she made her way into their bedroom and curled up in the center of the bed they shared and cried.

[Anthony Scott]

Anthony was still stunned as Quay spoke. Now, because of what he had said, he was sure she hated him. "No -- Quay --" But it was too late. She walked away from him and into the home they shared. He shook his head and walked in after her, not knowing what to say. All he wanted to do, was make this into a bad dream. He wanted to make the man pay and he wanted Quay to be like she was when they were married. She was fine then!

This was a mess, indeed, and Anthony didn't have any answers right now. He walked into the bedroom in time to see Quay curl up and weep in the center of their bed. "Quay, please." He begged of her to understand the words that he did not have. He moved closer to the bed and sat down upon the edge before placing a gentle hand upon her leg.

"I know you can't have an abortion." He paused a moment and thought rationally about the entire situation. He wasn't even sure if Quay could have the baby, as she pointed out. It would be too hard on her body to handle a termination anyway -- not to mention that she was too far along to even consider one. A few months was a lot different than one or even two. Anthony knew all this, but he still couldn't accept it.

"I'm sorry I'm so selfish, Quay -- but how can I raise this child? How can you live with this? I know it's not the baby's fault, but that doesn't change the fact that it isn't mine." He glanced down at his hand that was pounding with pain now and he attempted to block it out with the Force.

This incident would not be easy for him to get over, but he thought back to their wedding -- and their vows. "Through thick and thin, Quay. I will be here for you and I will respect your decision. Just please -- help me too. I don't think I can do this without your support. I don't know how I can accept this child."

"Or how long it'll be before I find that guy and rip his head right off his body." Anthony felt the flare of aggression inside of him, but quelled it quickly. Quay was the one who was important here, not him. He knew this, though he still was on emotional overdrive.

"What are we going to do?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay turned over and looked at him. "I don't know, but I know I love you and I've vowed my life to you, Anthony. I look at this child as part of me and I'm praying you'll see it that way too. I'm scared and I know your hurt and you have every right to be."

Quay could feel the pain from his hand, throbbing. She concentrated and sent some soothing Force waves to him to help block it out.

"I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to see if I can even carry this child. Anthony, I know it's not what we wanted, but if I lose this child, I'll lose the ability to have any children at all. My doctor on Corellia told me that a long time ago. My womb could rupture and that would be it, he'd have to remove it. So, you see...I can't give this child up. It's part of me."

[Anthony Scott]

Anthony lowered his head as Quay spoke. Everything she was saying was the truth, and he knew it. Unfortunatly, the truth always seemed to hurt. "I know." He said quietly as he felt her reach out to him with the Force. He was now able to block out most of the pain and this eased a bit of the tension he was feeling about the whole situation. He had made a mistake in hitting the wall, and his aggression should have been capped immediatly -- but the hatred he felt toward this stranger was unlike anything he'd ever felt before.

"I don't want that to happen, Quay. I know you need to carry this child -- and maybe someday, I'll see it as my own. Right now, I can't, though. I know it's part of you and you couldn't help it. Don't blame yourself for what happened, please?" He layed down slowly beside her and wrapped an arm around her waist. A slight smile crossed his lips and he shook his head.

"You're so beautiful, ya know that? I love you and I always will -- this is just a speed bump, okay? We'll make it through -- we've already come so much farther then people thought we would." He smiled to himself, though his heart still pained worse than his hand. "We just have to work through this one step at a time, Quay. We have to work together and be here for each other."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

It felt so good to be in his arms and to know that he still loved her. She knew it was a shock to him, it had been for her, it had made her sick inside.

Quay remembered her talk with her new master, he hadn't wanted her to blame herself for something that couldnt' be helped.

"I love you, Anthony Scott and I am here to help you through this." A fresh tear fell as she looked at his hand, it was swelling. "Why don't we go to Coruscant West Med and have this taken care of. No one will know us there and I don't want you to be in anymore pain than you already are in, luv."

Quay'Na gently leaned up and kissed him on the lips. "I love you so much."

[Anthony Scott]

Anthony smiled weakly as he realized how much damage had really been done to his hand. A sigh escaped his lips and he nodded before Quay kissed him once again. His head hurt quite a bit and he felt as though his own hand had punched him in the face for how much crying he had done. "I love you, Quay. We'll make it through -- we'll make it through." He whispered and kissed her again before beginning to sit up slightly.

"We should go then. I think a doctor would be a good thing right now." He smiled slightly and with a helpless glance to his hand, sat up fully. "I can only do so much on my own to heal it."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

No Way Out con't


I can't believe the words I hear,
It's like an answer to a prayer.
When I look around I see
This place, this time, this friend of mine.

I know it's hard,
but you found somehow.
Too look into your heart and
to forgive me now!

You've given me the strength to see
just where my journey ends.
You've given me the strength
to carry on!!

I see the path from this dark place,
I see my future
You're forgiveness has set me free!
Oh and I can see another way
I can face another day!!

I see the path, I can see the path!
I see my future!
I see my path from this dark place!
I see my future!

They survived the beginning of a hurdle, more was unevitable, but they would work together to get past it. Quay'Na slowly got up and helped her husband to stand. She put her arms around him and held him close.

"Things will be alright, I promise. We will get through this." She told him reassuringly, trying to keep this in mind herself.

Quay'Na had accepted this child and with time she hoped her husband would be able to as well. It pretty much would be the only child she would ever bear and that in itself hurt her deeply. The Padawan had so much wanted it to her Anthony's, but that was impossible now.

She wasn't exactily sure what was going to happen with this pregnancy and this concerned her deeply and she knew that Anthony could feel this as well. As she stood there with him, she dropped her shields and allowed her pregnancy to be felt by him through the Force.