Are Things so Uncertain? (Jackson McGraves)

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Jacali awoke as if someone were calling her. She felt him, felt his pain and uncertainty.

Jackson McGraves.

It was like a call in the night, her heart felt empty for the past couple of months that they had somehow drifted apart as all good things often do.

She instead had grown in spirit, within the Force allowing all her emptiness and temptations to flow through her, pass over her and would bring herself into a realm of calm.

But, the Padawan felt that they needed to talk. Much time had passed and she wanted him to know that she did care, she always had and she always would.

Slipping quietly from the warmth of her bed, she dressed and switched one leg brace for another that attached to her boot. As quietly as she could she left her quarters and began looking for him. Jacali could feel him, he wasn't too far away.

She spoke gently to his mind. Jackson, where are you? We need to talk.

[imported_Jackson Mcgraves]

Jackson came up behind her as she was speaking in his mind. The padawan had been out of it for awhile stuck in his inner turmoil of weather to stay at the order or leave. Jacali was one thing that kept him here. He loved her yet he had said nothing to her face about his feelings.

"You where looking for me Jacali."

He spoke quietly from behind her so not to startle her. She turned to see a smile that had of late been absent from Jackson face. He was in a good mood just because she stood close by.

[imported_Jacali Danner]

It was so good to see him, her smile deepened. "Yes," she nodded. "I've felt maybe it's time we talk about things going on in our lives. It's been a while and I felt that you were awake, so I figured why not now?" She was being truthful about everything, the compassion in her eyes said it, if nothing else.

She was worried about him and felt that he needed to know she would always be there for him at anytime.

"Shall we go to the gardens, then?" She asked.

[imported_Jackson Mcgraves]

"I'd love to go to the gardens with you Jacali."

He try his best not to look depressed when she mentioned talking about there lives. He wasn't for sure if the talk would lead to more pain or if it would be a good thing. The couple began to make there way to the gardens.

"I don't want to depress you with my life so why don't you tell me how things are going with you?"

He was clearly avoiding talking about his life. He really didn't want jacali to concern herself with his well being. he would survive weather it be with the order or with out it.

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Jacali could tell something was up, but didn't push it right now. She would ease into it later. "Well, I've been spending a lot of time in the Archives researching this and that, I'm thinking of getting into diplomacy. So, I've had to study numerous governments. Pretty boring, huh?"

[imported_Jackson Mcgraves]

"Actually no it sounds very interesting. A life in diplomacy wouldn't be so bad. Please tell me more of your plans of the future I need to know, no I want to know cause I am lost as to what mine will be."

He said it straight to Jacali no hiding his emotions. She could now feel the pain the hate and the anger in his heart. He wasn't sure if the order was his place to stand. He didn't know if these walls could contain him much longer.

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Jacali slid her hand into his and lead him into the gardens. "Take a deep breath, Jackson and tell me what you smell." She told him as she brought him over to a small wooden bench in the midst of the beautiful flowering trees and plants. It was a welcoming scent to the Padawan, she loved it.

[imported_Jackson Mcgraves]

Jackson took in a deep breath and brought in all the scent in the garden. He liked the smell but he really wasn't in mood for such a game. Still he did it for Jacali, he would do just about anything for her.

"I smell the Flowers the clean air which is surprising for this city. I smell the beautiful lady next to me."

Jackson smiled as he eyed Jacali his expression drifted from the smile to more of a saddened look. He didn't want to hurt her but he need to tell her what was going. He could tell she was worried about him for some reason.

"I love being her with you Jacali, but I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Jacali looked into his eyes and squeezed his hand gently. "I know. That is why I've brought you to this garden. I know you are somewhat lost...uncertain of your future here? You are not alone, Jackson. I am here."

[imported_Jackson Mcgraves]

Jackson head sank to look at the ground. He new he wasn't alone as much as he would like to say he was. It would have been much easier to be a lone and just leave with out caring.

"I know that Jacali that’s why I'm having a hard time. I don't know if I should go or stay. My main reason is because your here, I can't leave you."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Jacali took him in her arms and held him. "I don't want you to leave, Jackson. But, I do want you to be happy. Tell me what has made you feel this way."

[imported_Jackson Mcgraves]

Allot of things really. My past and something someone recently said to me. I'm questioning more then just my future I'm also questioning who exactly I am."

He wasn’t sure of much anymore, he was questioning allot more he wouldn’t talk about especially in front of Jacali. He didn’t want to hurt her so he kept those things in.

[imported_Jacali Danner]

"Some cross roads are very to determine, when we feel alone and it seems unable that one person can make a difference."

She stepped back for a moment. "You see all this big flowering trees in here? The scent you smelled before, you would think would come from them, but..." She took his hand and had her follow him.

She came to a very small patch of tiny flowers nearby, and she had him kneel down with her. The scent was very strong for only being very few flowers.

"This is the main scent you smelled, they are called Rennisin." She held one of these tiny flowers gently between her fingers without pulling it out.

"Even the smallest flower leaves it scent amongst all these large trees, Jackson." She said no more at this point, hoping he would understand.

[imported_Jackson Mcgraves]

"Yeah the smallest things can make the biggest impacts. These flowers may make a large smell but these larger flowers get the credit from those who don't know their plants."

He understood what Jacali was saying it was just hard for him accept at this point. His life had no direction what so ever he was losing his faith. Worst of all he had no clue who he was anymore.

"Unlike this little flower I want to be noticed but I can't be noticed if I don't even know who I am anymore."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Jacali took a hold of Jackson's hand and gave it a squeeze. "You are a Jedi, a good Jedi, Jackson. Don't let anyone tell you differently. We all have pitfalls in our lives, but that's also why we have good friends to help us out of our pitfalls. I was in the same boat, after my accident...I felt useless for a long while. I felt like I had lost my spirit and wouldn't be able to regain it, but in truth I hadn't lost anything. Jackson, turn to the Force, let it be your guide."

[imported_Jackson Mcgraves]

"I'm going to be trying that Jacali. Because you suggested it and so it did a person I meet recently. I'm still frustrated about my current position. Its hard trying to find oneself, but I will I just hope that person doesn't change me to drastically from the man you know."

Jackson was still sad in all this but he want jacali to know what was going on. Hinting at his meeting with Navaria the Jedi knight who had brought him some clarity.

[imported_Jacali Danner]

"Jackson, I'll always be here for you. I hope you know that and I will help you in any way that I can." She told him and gave him a hug.

[imported_Jackson Mcgraves]

Jackson held her in that hug for as long as he could not wanting to let her go. She was the best thing he had right now. Some day he would show here just how much she meant to him.

"I know you will Jacali. I know."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Jacali gave Jackson a gentle peck on the cheek as the two parted again and she looked at him and smiled. "All you ever have to do is ask for me and I'll be there."