Stepping Away...forever....(council attention)

[Quay'Na Rakai]

It had been a long time coming and Padawan learner, Quay'Na Rakai-Scott knew it.

It was time to leave the Order.

Her new life was taking her places now. She had been secretly married a month before to a Darksider, Anthony Scott and was going to be helping her sister with her new club in the evenings. Still remaining at the Wildside Animal Refuge and still receiving Jedi training out and beyond the ranks of the GJO.

Yes, her life was finally coming together, she could finally see the light at the end of the dark tunnel at which she had trudged for so long.

But, even with the excitement of where her life was leading her too, saddness was there as well. For the Order had given her nothing, but understanding and friendship she would never forget. Quay'Na hoped that just because she was leaving that the friendships she had made would always continue and for some reason, knew they would.

There was one person in particular that she didn't want to face, one that she knew telling her news to would hurt. It would hurt her deeply, for this one Knight had become like a father to her in all aspects of training and friendship.

Jedi Knight Dasquian Belargic.

With a deep breath, the Padawan placed the dufflebag into the floor just outside the council chambers. Her muscles still aching from the battle at the Senate medical center the night before. She had barely gotten any sleep from the wayward fight or the mental strain that it was she, who had delivered Master Helenias' child.

Quay'Na needed rest, but there was no rest in store for her until later, there were still a few good-byes that needed to be made after she left the Jedi council.

With a deep breath, she straightened out any wrinkles in her attire and opened the door. Walking to the middle of the room, she bowed. "Good afternoon, Masters." She smiled tiredly. She did all she could to keep the weariness from showing, so far, so good.

"I've come before you to..." She saw Dasquian and nearly teared up. "...to tell you, that I must take my leave...indefinitely."

It was supposed to be a time of joy, that she was going on with her life...so why did she feel so....bad?

The Padawan didn't move a muscle as she awaited their response.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Perplexed, Dasquian sat forward in his chair, his brow knitted into a frown.

“You are of course free to leave, but… why do you wish to do so?”

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na turned and looked at Dasquian. "I feel that its more of a personal choice than a professional one, Master Dasquian. Professionally, I believe I've grown here since my return over a year ago, but my personal growth has been nothing, but a rollercoaster ride. Most of you know my past and it's not been good. I need a change of pace."

[Dasquian Belargic]

“Would a break, then, not be more appropriate? Or do you already have plans for where you wish to go once you leave?”

[Navaria Tarkin]

These sort of meetings were never pleasant, but the Order was not for everyone. Navaria had seen many Padawans come and go in this Council Room.

She let Dasquian continue his questioning and stayed silent until the Knight had heard Padawan Rakai's answer.

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay nodded solemnly. "Yes, I'll be going offworld for a bit, not exactly sure where and when I return, I'll be helping my sister Yasmin at her new Club and I'll still be working at Wildside. Who knows I may end up traveling with my little sister, Cheyanne for a bit as well."

She looked down for a minute and then back up at him. "It's just something I need to do." She felt somewhat guilty as she stretched the truth just a bit. Quay'Na let it go.

[Alpha]

Satine simply watches from his own corner of the council room, silently thinking. The Order would suffer for the loss of a Padawan, of course. But, if this was what she thought she needed to do, then so be it.

He stays silent, letting Dasquian handle most of the questions, his silver eyes glowing a bit in the dim light.

[Dasquian Belargic]

As an empath, Dasquian was adept in sensing the emotions of others. It was for this reason that he pressed Quay's questioning further.

“I sense much guilt and toil in you, Quay’Na… I do not feel you are being entirely honest with the Council.”

[Quay'Na Rakai]

The words stung deeply. No, she wasn't being completely honest, her life was turning into nothing more than a secret..again.

The Padawan sighed deeply and nodded. "Yes, part of me is in turmoil...but I can't regret the decisions I've made and that is why I must go." Quay'Na had read the history on the marriages between Darksiders and Lightsiders....no, their marriage would last and it would be different. But, it would last.

I love Anthony too much to regret ever marrying him.....

[Falcon Gyndar]

Falcon listened, nothing more than breaths and blinking coming from him.

So Quay is leaving...And is a little secretive about it. Scratch that. Very...

Falcon wondered if this had anything to do with a small part of a recent discussion with his daughter over breakfast, but he thought to just keep his mouth shut about it. It seemed that way...the way Quay was going about this, stepping carefully with her words. Falcon was one to always consider appropriate factors, possibilities....and few things escaped him. The Knight's mind had always baffled his brother, Lyan. That's one amazing piece of work in your noggin... He'd always say.

[Figrin D'an]

"If there is something you are not telling us, Padawan Rakai, I would advise you to speak up now while you have the opportunity," Figrin chimed in. "Should the Council discover at some later time that you have withheld important information from us, there could be serious reprecussions... even if you are not a member of the Jedi at that time."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

In all the time Quay had been amongst the Order, she had never heard Master D'an speak. She clamped her mouth shut to keep it from hitting the floor after the first initial shock.

The Padawan could see it in his eyes, he meant business.

"Very well, if you must know. It's not going to matter much anyway, I'm married to a darksider and have been for the past month." She looked amongst all of them. "A darksiding...vampire."

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei raised his eyebrows. "A Darksider Vampire, huh? That's interesting."

Wei thought that over for a little bit. He wondered what her motives were for going through with such an act. Love? Yes, definitely. But was Quay'Na intending to possibly help this man come to the Lightside of the Force through this marriage? Wei had his doubts about how well that would work out.

"And how do you two plan to reconcile the differences between you two concerning the Force?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"I don't pressure the Lightside upon him and he doesn't pressure the Darkside upon me, Master Wei." She looked at Master D'an.

"Our love is genuine, Master D'an. But, even so, I don't belong here. There were times..." She trailed off for a moment.

"There were times when I wondered if I ever belonged anywhere. I mean no disrespect to this council in any way. You have all helped me so much in the past and I am very thankful for that."

She looked at the rest of them. "Now, I may be married to a Darksider, but it doesn't mean that I will walk that path. I know my beliefs and some don't tread with the Lightside as much as you would want them to for me. But, I don't think that makes me a bad person."

[Figrin D'an]

"You say those words for our benefit, yet do you really understand their meaning?," Figrin questioned. "The Dark Side is often not wielded through brutality, but through subtlety. Love, like anger and hate, can lead one down the dark path in ways which will fool even the most steadfast and vigilant."

"Whether you realize it now or not," he continued, eyeing the reactions of the rest of the council, "your relationship with this person has affected you, and will continue to affect you. It is not so simple as mearly accepting one another's beliefs and perspectives. You will be inexorably changed should you allow this relationship to continue."

He looked at her, concerned yet in control.

"Are you willing to risk the likelyhood that the person who stands before us now will eventually cease to be?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

A tear slipped down her cheek, she knew it was going to be hard to leave, but she hadn't thought it was going to be anything like this.

Quay'Na was silent for a long moment and then she finally looked at the Jedi Master and answered gently. "I understand your concern, Master D'an. I've not made good choices in the past, I'll be the first to admit that. I attempted suicide a long time ago, I've had death threats against my life...I held the blaster that killed my mother."

Another tear fell. "But, I did come through each and every one of those devastating times. I'm not the demon that you all take me to be. I love my husband with everything in my life, I can't walk away from him. I tried once, right after I found out who and what he was and I never felt so empty. I cannot do it again."

[Navaria Tarkin]

A part of her could empathize with the Padawan. Who she loved was questionable. "I understand that we can't control the ones that we love, and you have found yourself in that position now. But have you truly thought about your answer to Master D'an? You leave and stay with your husband, you yourself could be put in a position between the Jedi and him in a confrontation." Navaria looked at Rakai with much sadness in her eyes, knowing what she asked of the Padawan, she had asked of herself long ago. "Can you really comprehend the meaning of that?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na suddenly remembered all her feelings from the night before at the Senate Medical building. How everything seemed hopeless and impossible to bear during the attack on Master Evenstar's life. The two had been so close to death and yet, Quay came through for her.

Delivering her baby in the most impossible situation, fighting to keep them alive...and here she was now, fighting for something she felt was so right, so damn right.

With a renewed strength, Quay'Na nodded. "I know my marriage will be challenging, Masters. I knew that when I married him, but I took a vow, a sacred oath to him and I am taking that on. It won't always be easy, I know that. There is good in my husband, even though you may never know that side of him. I know it."

[Ryla Relvinian]

"You consider yourself to be above the Order, Padawan Rakai."

My words were blunt, uncharacteristically so, and yet I knew that they needed to be said. Though there was sympathy in my eyes, born out of the pain I knew she felt, both from my senses and also from my own memories, I knew deep in my heart and mind that she was severly deluding herself.

"You believe that you, and only the power of the bond you share with this man will be able to acomplish what thousands before you have failed. You feel that what you have is unique, and has not yet been experienced."

Pausing for a moment, I let my words sink in. "We are not here to condemn you, Padawan Rakai. We are not here to harm you, or keep you from living your life. However, you must allow us to at least attempt to shed light on your choices. Those who have not experienced these things cannot be faulted in their ignorance, but those who have seen... cannot refrain from speaking. Do you understand?"

[Wei Wu Wei]

"I realize that you do not intend to be swayed in your learning. But you are still a Padawan. There is still so much for you to learn in the way of the Light. In these things we do not want you to be ignorant, Quay'Na."

Wei held deep concern for the girl. Her husband might not be explosive or violent, but there would still be other ways he could get to her. He worried for her mental and emotional safety.

"I have had a brush with a Darksider in the past, when I was a Padawan like you. This Darksider did not hurt me, but poisoned my mind to believe all sorts of rubbish. I was prepared to fight the entire Council by myself if I had to. I am thankful that the Council then was patient with me. And I am determined to be patient with you too."

[Dasquian Belargic]

"You have been down this path once before, Quay. Surely you remember where it took you," Dasquian said, knowing she would understand to whom he was referring. "This time will be no different."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay remained quiet until they finished, she felt like she was battling a durasteel wall.

But, Dasquian's comment hurt the worst. She closed her eyes against it. Don't do this to me, please.... The mental anguish she was beginning to feel was evident, but she blocked herself against it. Shoved it away, far away.

Opening her eyes, she took a deep breath. Looking at Master Relvinian, she began. "Yes, Master. I do understand and I would never feel that I was indeed above the Order. I am listening. But, my heart won't let that go."

Why was this so hard?

Quay'Na faced Master Wei next, a tear fell. She knew that they were all concerned for her. "I know, I've not been a model Padawan ever since I've returned, Master Wei. I've had four masters, three since my return a year ago. So, what does that tell you, I don't belong here...I never did. I make a mistake, I redeem myself, I make another mistake, I redeem myself again and so on. But, through all these mistakes I've learned that forgiveness has to start with me. I know, I've got so much yet to learn, but I'm tired. I'm tired of endlessly trying to be someone I'm not."

The Padawan shoulders slumped slightly as she looked down. "Vega VanDerveld was my biggest mistake, one I may never forgive myself for. But, my husband...is not Vega, Master Dasquain." She couldn't even look at him, the name had dredged up many hurtful and terrible memories for her.

[Ryla Relvinian]

"No, Padawan Rakai," I spoke up, wanting her to understand this simple fact, "It does not mean you are a substandard Jedi, but rather that you are an above-average being, connected to the Force as we all are, able to make mistakes but, more importantly, willing to stand back up and dust yourself off."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na sighed and looked up. "I've probably been one of the dustier ones. But, now some of that dirt won't come off."

She paused for a moment and then continued. "You ask me to turn away from the man that I love deeply and throw away a marriage that I hold so dear. Do you know what that would do to me? To walk away from something I have such faith in? This is no school girl crush, this is real."

[Dasquian Belargic]

“And equally a commitment to the Jedi is not to be taken lightly. You know this. You have been a follower of the Jedi ways for many, many years, Quay. Are you so quick to turn your back on all that you have worked on?”

[Quay'Na Rakai]

The turmoil Quay'Na felt was heavy, the battle for what she believed in was enough to turn her inside out. "I'm not going to turn my back on the Jedi, Masters. I...I just..." She didn't really know what to say, she wanted to run. Run far away before she broke down completely from the exhaustion she felt from the night before.

The Padawan was so tired. "I've done to many things wrong here. I...I need out!" Before she could even think of what she was doing, she turned and bolted for the door.

Her emotions were running wild and she could do nothing to stop them. She had no control at the moment, she felt like a caged animal!

[Estelle Russard]

Quay's revelations were most disturbing and the fraught state that she was displaying before the council, even more so.

Estelle had sat a little dumbstruck at the announcement that Quay had married a dark sider. For the Jedi Master, such a contradiction of loyalties and goals was incomprehensible. And inexcusable.

Estelle had always been idealistic. And while she had grown to be less "head-in-the-clouds" as when she had first arrived - through hard learned lessons during her time at the Order - her understanding of the duty and committment of a Jedi had never waivered. It had only grown more clear. Quay's choice to join her life to a darksider, to Estelles mind, was disobedient to the Code.

She could see clearly that padawan Rakai was passionate about her husband, and was in love with him. This only reinforced Estelle's own belief that love, and the attending emotions and desires, could monumentally skew ones perspectives. Often, and most unfortunately, not always for the better.

Such a step as marriage - a life changing decision in any circumstance - obviously had not even been discussed with Quay's own Master beforehand.

"Padawan Rakai - you must wait for the Council to dismiss you"

Estelle's tone was firm.

"Running from what is difficult brings no one any answers"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay had almost made it when she heard the firm tone of the Jedi Master's voice. She skidded to a halt and stared at the door.

In front of her--the door, behind her---the council. Door, council, door, council.....ugh!! She just wanted to leave, why couldn't they just let her go?

You're stonger than this, Quay. You must always face the Council with pride for what you believe in....

A new sense of calm came over her as she heard the voice in her mind from lessons long ago. The voice was haunting, yet edged with a caring tone that the Padawan would always remember.

With a deep breath, Quay'Na turned around and returned to her place in front of the council. "There are no answers to this, Master Russard. I know you're all thinking this, I'm reckless and I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I knew the complications going into this marriage, so why can't we leave it at that and just go on with our lives?"

[Wei Wu Wei]

"Because recognizing there is a problem is not the same as solving the problem."

She was a Padawan. Stubborn and full of her own ideas. There was a lot of pride evident in her mannerisms and her words. As far as Wei was concerned, pride was a more dangerous and volatile emotion than even anger and hate.

"A skydiver knows what he's getting himself into. But it still doesn't mean he'll come out of the experience alive."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

The Padawan was starting to lose her patience. "So, what are you telling me to do? Leave my husband and what?"

[Estelle Russard]

"Padawan Rakai, we have not reached the juncture of telling you what to do or not to do. As far as I can see, we are all just taking some time to understand fully what has transpired. You must agree, your recent actions are not sudden to you but something that has progressed over time. We the Council, on the other hand, have only had a few moments with which to catch up on things. Surely you can spare us some discussion time?"

Estelle frowned reprovingly. "You owe your Master, at the very least, the couresy of some form of accounting."

Estelle did not believe that Quay would be responsive to any instruction the Council would give her. She appeared only disposed to defending her choice rather than considering the possibility that she may have acted rashly, or in a manner that Estelle felt was misguided and in contradictory to a Jedi's call.

"You may not think your decision has effected anyone but yourself and your new husband. But I assure you, it touches us all."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She reached inwardly and found her center of calm. It soothed her, calmed her.

"Master Helenias did not know of my marriage. With her pregnancy I thought it best not to put any extra stress on her shoulders. I've known I was going to leave the Order sooner or later and I think she will understand my reasoning behind it. She knows me better than anyone and my marriage will be brought to her attention."

Wait a minute....what was she doing? What did it matter anymore, what she did?

Here Quay stood before a group of people, deciding her future. No, this wasn't right, this choice was Quay's and Quay's only!

In fact, this was madness!

Her eyes narrowed. "I really have nothing more to explain, Masters. I am going to remain in my marriage and no one can stop me, I love this man and he loves me. I'm leaving now." She turned this time and walked towards the door.

Quay'Na stopped just before opening the door. "Let's pray that confrontation will never happen between my hushand and the Jedi. For I know where I will stand."

Then, she walked out.

[Wei Wu Wei]

Wei watched her go. "Yeah, she's a Padawan all right. And I'm afraid the Darkside is already getting to her. She lashes out angrily, and lets her emotions get to her. It's a shame. Shall we send someone to keep an eye on her?"

[imported_Jacali Danner]

...three, two, one... The doors to the Jedi Council room flew open and Quay'Na quickly exited, a smug look on her face.

Jacali stood against the wall waiting, their eyes met briefly. No words were spoken as she watched Quay grab her things and walk by.

The Padawan didn't try to stop her or speak, Jacali merely shook her head and sighed. Oh, Quay, what are you doing?

A moment later, Quay'Na entered the lift and was gone, leaving Jacali in the corridor.

With a deep sigh, Jacali turned and entered the Council chambers. Her brace clicked as she walked into the middle of the room and bowed her greeting. "Good afternoon, Masters." She turned to Master Wei. "I would like to be the one authorized to keep an eye on her, Master Wei. That is, if the Council would allow me too. I'm very concerned for my friend and...I saw everything that was said here today...in a dream last night." She wasn't completely sure about admitting it and hoped she wasn't stepping on anyone's feet. But, then again future outcomes were her element and she needed to share some of the recent information she had drempt of on her friend.

[Dasquian Belargic]

“I don’t believe that would be wise, Jacali. If someone is to monitor her, it should be a Knight or Master. You do not have my support for this endeavor.”

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Jacali faced her master and nodded. "Very well, Master. I will proceed no further. But, perhaps I can share some things that I have envisioned on?"

"Visions are my element and I take great heed to many of them and with just cause, usually they are rightly so. Unfortunately, visions on my own path rarely appear, but the ones including friends, outer systems and such, I pay close attention too. Quay concerns me greatly. There is more going on here than she is willing to admit...meaning simply that there is another man involved and its not her husband."

[Dasquian Belargic]

Dasquian quirked a brow, “… And do you know who this man is and what role he plays in all of this?”

[imported_Jacali Danner]

"I don't rightly know who he is, but...it seems that he has taken her under his wing. Continuing her teachings in the Force, but he isn't a darksider. For that matter, I'm not exactly sure what he is."