Old Hat link about farting

[Marcus Telcontar]

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

But still, very, very funny.


Why do farts seem to follow the farter?
(Question submitted by LBlev1978)

I'm sure that everyone has experienced this phenomenon, in which one delivers oneself forth of a silent but potent gaseous emission and then steps rapidly away, only to have the fart cling to one's person. Part of the reason for this annoying characteristic of farts is the turbulence that follows in the wake of a moving person. The fart "slip streams" or is actually pulled along in the farter's direction by the air currents behind the person.
Another factor is that part of the fart is caught in the farter's clothing, and diffuses out slowly after the main part of the emission has dispersed.

[Darth Viscera]

Why do farts come out of your butt?
(Question submitted by the Perry family)

The butt is the location of the anus in humans, and by definition, a fart is an anal escape of intestinal gas. We should be grateful that we are not crinoids. The crinoid is a marine creature with a U-shaped gut, and its anus is located next to its mouth.

Note to self: don't kiss no crinoids.

[Alpha]

:lol

[Harmony Cubel]

Why is there a 13 to 20 second delay between farting and the time it starts to smell?
(Question submitted by B_read)
Actually, the fart stinks immediately upon emergence, but it takes several seconds for the odor to travel to the farter's nostrils. If farts could travle at the speed of sound, we would smell them almost instantly, at the same time we hear them.

:lol

I learn something new everyday!

[Charley]

Is it possible to inhale (suck in air) via one's anal opening?
(Question submitted by MkongB52)

Yes, but it's a rare talent. The great early 20th Century French flatulist, Le Petomane, was able to do this, and in fact was able to suck up an entire bowlful of water (just the water, not the bowl) into his colon and expel it again with considerable force. By sucking in large quantities of air, he was able to perform lengthy shows on stage, and could imitate musical instruments, farm animals, and bird songs, whistle melodies, and play the ocarina. His productions were said to be virtually odorless, which is to be expected from air obtained directly from the outside.
Here is a message I received recently (November, 1999) regarding the skill of inhaling via the anus:

"i would just like you to know that i am part of a trio, who can suck in air in our anal openings. we are somewhat air-bandits. we can let the longest farts you have ever heard. our record holder, chad, stands at 24 sec. the record for most farts in a row is derek, at 492. and i, robert, have earned such nicknames as: Mad Crapper, gurglemeister, and old wetful. We have followed Le Petomane example, and have mastered the art of farting."

Jason W. says, "I am a 16 year old guy that is a part of a 3-man fart on command group. We get together every Saturday night and practice our talent to songs with a good beat. We accomplish this by getting on our hands and knees, completely relaxing, and our butt hole just opens up and air just seeps into our colons. We then get into position and let them rip. We can so far play a song called "THE EYE OF THE TIGER" (Rocky 3 theme song). We came across another group of 4 guys that can do this during the winter of 2001. We started to get together with them more frequently, and now we have a full fledged band going all on farting...We are going to try to make a CD on some songs we know, but no one wants to let us...I personally have let a fart go for about 75 seconds. On average each Saturday night we let off about 1000 farts EACH! The only problem with flatulating when we want is that now 2 of us can't help but sucking in air through our anus when we sit down." Jason has also provided the following instructions for people who would like to acquire this skill:

1) Get a pillow and a soft surface.
2) Place your ear on the pillow with your head turned sideways.
3) Put your butt up in the air, bringing your knees as close up to your head as possible. This relaxes your anal opening.
4) Once you're relaxed enough, you should feel a strange sensation...this is air traveling into your colon.
5) Through practice you will be able to do this by just sitting down.

Adam reports that a student at his high school, known as "The King" could fart "God Save the Queen" by alternately inhaling and exhaling through his anus. The students referred to the inhaling process as "input."

:lol I can do this too