Long time forgotten...(open)

[Shade Magus]

Shade walked into the dorrway of his room and shook his head. He had been so busy for the past few weeks that he had completely neglected his usually clean room. Now there were clothes lying around, and chairs broken from his late night practicing.

"Maybe it is time I got it together and put this place in better shape, but there is no hurry........"

The Jedi Knight went over to his far wall and pressed a large green button and a section of the wall beside him slid up revealing a large black screen. Then after a moment soft muscial notes began to play around the room, with the screen slowly changing colors to the beat.

As Shade moved clothes into a pile for washing and moved old furniture around he lifted a blanket off of an old trunk and for a moment he stood still, just staring at the thing.

"Well.....haven't seen you in awhile.....well I guess a small break wouldn't hurt."

Shade whispered as he pulled up a chair and and sat down in front of the trunk. He reached out with the Force and moved the locking mechanism around until he heard a small click. He then opened the trunk and for a moment just stared. On top of a silk cloth lay two lightsabers. One had been his fathers, a great Jedi Master. The other belonged to his brother, unfortuantely a great Sith warrior.

The Jedi then moved both the weapons and lifted the silk cloth to reveal book. Shade picked the book up and brought it up to his lips as he blew the dust off of it. Then he opened it and stared for a moment at the pictures before him. The first was of his family before his parents died and Yurza became a Sith. The next was of him and his brother a few years after their parents death when they lived with a freind Chaos Alexander, who quite ironiclly wasnow one of Shade's Padawan's even though he had not heard from him in a long time. All three of them could be seen in the picture, were they all looked so happy.

"Was it really so long ago?"

[Shade Magus]

Shade turned his head as he threw the picture against the wall.

"Too long......."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Her leg had been bothering her tonight for some odd reason, everywhere that she had feeling in it was aching something awful, so she had decided to head back to her room. The leg brace seemed to click noisily tonight, she couldn't decide whether it really was or if it was just her own self-consciousness.

Jacali was limping and she stopped for a moment and tried to stretch out the muscles, when she heard a thunk from the room she was just outside of.

The Padawan straightened and knocked on the door, but it opened and she stood there with a half smile. "Oh, sorry....I didn't mean to disturb you, Master Shade."

[Shade Magus]

Shade jumped up from his chair startled at someone's voice.

"Oh...Jacali. Ummm...it's ok. Is there anything I could help you with?"

He settled back down as he went to the door to invite her in.

[imported_Jacali Danner]

"Not unless you have some killer meds for some major leg pain. Can't understand why it's hurting tonight, I've not had problems with it for quite a while." She leaned against the door frame to take some pressure off it.

"But, anyway...are you alright, Master Shade?" She couldn't help but to ask, it was in her nature to be as helpful as possible.

[Shade Magus]

Shade was going to say yes, but anyone that was Force sensitive could feel the turmoil raging inside of him. Looking for a release, but he would not let it find one. He had been down that road once already.

"To tell the truth no, but first of all, come inside and sit down. Rest your leg. I don't have anything extraordinary for pain, but I do have asprin that I could spare."

Shade walked over to the small bar in his room and opened a cupboard and pulled out a small bottle of pills.

"Would you care for anything to drink?"

[imported_Jacali Danner]

The Padawan was glad to see him opening up to her, she felt his turmoil, but lately had found herself being more reserved than to just blurt out things.

"Aspirine would be great," she said as she limped in and took a seat. "Water is fine."

She was more than grateful for the meds and water. "I did feel that things just don't quite seem right with you, is there anything I can do? I'm a good listener, if nothing else."

[Shade Magus]

Shade filled a glass of water and brought the meds over to Jacali. He then held out his hand a a frame came flying into his hand. He held it out for the young lady to see.

"This is what was bothering. It is a picture of Chaos Alexander, now one of my Padwans, but he hasn't been around much, the other one on the left is my brother Yurza, and then me in the middle."

Shade took a seat across from the young Padawan.

"About a year ago though my brother died."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Jacali took the meds and drank some water as she listened to the Jedi Knight. She looked at the picture and listened to every word he said very carefully.

Death was never an easy thing to live with, even when one thought they were over it, a memory could pop up and bring those feelings back out.

"I'm so sorry, Master Shade. I know how badly losing a family member can be. It's a very hard thing to live with."

[Shade Magus]

"Yes it is......but it is even harder when you killed the person you miss."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Over the time that Jacali had been in training and the accident, she had learned something. Never show a reaction that she herself wouldn't want to see if the tables were turned.

The Padawan's jaw didn't drop and she didn't do anything to make him feel uncomfortable for anything that he just told her.

Instead, she was filled with compassion and wanted more than anything to help him through this troubling time. "Yes, I'm sure it is. We all have steps in our lives that we must bare the burden, good or bad, Master Shade."

[Shade Magus]

"Steps yes. Everyone says that a path is laid before our feet and we must walk it taking the good and the bad, but what if we falter and take the wrong path? So long ago I thought that I was doing what was right, leading the life of a Jedi and my brother thought he was right leading the life of a Sith. Yet I wonder. What would life be like if the roles were reversed? Would he have killed me? Would he still be alive? The Force can only answer so much........I am sorry, I am just rambling on and on about nothing. You see the truth is that a few years ago recently after my promotion to Jedi Knight, I had recieved word that my brother had joined the Sith, and it seemed that he was moving right up in the ranks. A small part of me was happy to see him doing well, and the rest of me hated him for what he became. Then after being knighted for two years, I recieved a holo-message saying my brother was in trouble and he needed my help. Naturally I went for it, and played right into the Siths' hands. It had been a trap...."

Shade took a breath and a sip of his drink before continuing.

"......a trap he paid for with his hatred for me and the Jedi. Yurza had taken a whole planet hostage and forced me to fight him for thier freedom. I thought it would be simple. Just a quick fight and then once he was down I could free everyone and leave, but it wasn't the simple. Nothing ever is. Once I wounded him, I turned and tried to leave, but to no avail. I told me this was a fight to the death, and so it was. We continued our fight and I drove my lightsaber though his heart, all the way to the hilt. Afterwards I got everyone out of their prison ok. But after that I learned what my brother foundso compelling about the darkside. A worked pushed me aside for something and I let loose on him, and with his death I was overtaken my darkness for what seemed like an eternity. The Jedi who saved me is no longer here. After that I went on a sort of quest, seeking answers for my questions about the Force. I have only recently returned here to fulfill my duties as a Jedi Knight. You are right, death is not an easy thing to deal with, and it is even worse for a Jedi."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Jacali listened carefully, she herself was on her way to knighthood, hopefully very soon. She took in all his words and gave him a thoughtful look. "Master Shade, I believe even if a Jedi does fall from grace, they can redeem themselves. You said it yourself, you came back. With help, but still you came back. That is what you should always remember, yes, perhaps this tragedy led you astray, but look where you're at now."

[Shade Magus]

"Maybe so, but still I have always regaurded killing as the ultimate sin for the Jedi."

Shade sighed as he took another drink of his water.

"Back or not, I know better than most the taint. What I fear is another fall into the darkness."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

My father told me something when he gave me my first blaster a little over two years ago. He told me everytime I pulled my blaster out not to think of what I was killing, but of what I was allowing to live. I've lived by his wisdom and can only hope that one day, I'll be able to share it. Master Shade, I want you to know that if at anytime you feel that darkness beckoning on you that you can come to me anytime, day or night. Even Jedi need the strength of others."

[Shade Magus]

"Yes they do. While I appreciate your offer, and I don't mean to offend you by this, but I hope I never have to see you if that were the case. But I still thank you for your kindness."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

"As do I, Master Shade." Jacali nodded. "No offense taken and your very welcome." She liked talking to him, he was a very interesting person. One could learn a lot from others, if they just listened and was doing just that. "I hope, that I remember all my father's lessons he taught me, when it's my turn to teach."

[Shade Magus]

Shade smiled.

"You have the makings of a very fine Jedi Knight inside of you. Never lose sight of what is important and you will be fine."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

"Thank you, Master Shade." She smiled back. "I want so bad to become a worthy Knight of the Order. It means everything to me, it is my life."

[Shade Magus]

"You will succeed as a Jedi. There is n doubt in my mind about that. You have everything that most Jedi are either lacking, or do not see."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

"I'm still learning and I figure I will always have something to learn as the time goes on. I try to keep an open mind on everything around me." That she did try to do, it was something she had practiced ever since her accident.

"But, I wasn't always like that, Master Shade. It wasn't until after the accident and I found out that 'this'." She patted her bad leg, "was going to be a part of me forever. That it changed my way of thinking."

[Shade Magus]

"Yes...I know what you mean. It seems that sometimes it is only that the worst things bring out the best in some people. You seem to be one of those people."

Shade stood and walked over to a mirrior, gazing at his reflection as though he could go see the past present and future in it.

"You have a very kind heart Jacli, and I hope that it never leaves you. You will bring strength to those that are weak, guidance to those that are lost, and order to those that are in chaos. I thank you for listening and helping me."

Shade took a sip of his water and smiled as he turned and looked at her.

"Oh, and please, just call me Shade."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

"Alright, Mas..." She cleared her throat. "Shade. Thanks, I try to be there for anyone who needs me. I know and understand that I'm not as a strong fighter as I was before I got hurt, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I have the will and need to go on even though I may not be able to leap tall building in a single bound. I'm alright with it now and that took me a while to get past. I learned that even with this brace, it doesn'e make me any less a Jedi, I have my strengths as well. It was just finding them." She smiled and took a sip of her drink.

"I can say openly now that I wouldn't change a thing in my life and if I had to do it again, I still would run out in front of that drunk speeder to save that child. There is no doubt in my mind."

Jacali smiled as she remembered that time. Nearly dying, the coma, all the painful physical therapy of learning how to walk again and the nights of endless crying because she didn't believe she would be a worthy Jedi due to her injury. It was past her now and she had learned a great deal from it.

[Shade Magus]

"Yes. I can tell you are wise beyond your years. It is a rarity to find someone so wise that actually wishes to help others. Most use their knowledge for power and wealth. I commend you on your unselfishness."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

"Thank you, Shade. I will remember that always. For a time, I had thought that this brace would stop me from being a Jedi. But really, it's not what is on the outside, it's what's in here." She placed her hand over her heart. "And when it is time for me to teach, I will make sure that my student knows that. You have that heart too, Shade or you wouldn't be sharing your troubles with me."

[Shade Magus]

Shade thought of his old master as he remembered a saying she was quite fond of her telling him.

"A troubled heart will flow endlessly for the doctor."

Shade looked at Jacli.

"I again thank you for your words. And you don't have to be a Jedi Knight to be a teacher. You need only patience and devotion. You have already taught me a valueable lesson here tonight."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

She had? "Coming from a Jedi Knight, that is a quite a compliment, Shade and I am very grateful."

[Shade Magus]

"You are welcome. Remember that everything we do in life will in someway impact another. That to me is teaching a person. Because it allows a person to accept something in life."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

Jacali smiled lightly. "Well, I'm glad to have been of some help to you then, Mas-" She stopped herself yet again. "Shade."

The Padawan was so used to calling them Masters that calling them by their first name was, well difficult.

[Shade Magus]

Shade smiled.

"I am sorry if you are uncomfortable with calling me by my name, but I have never been one for formalities unless it is demeed nesseccary."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

"That's alright, I'll get used to it, it's just I'm so used to calling the Jedi knights Masters, it's kinda hard to break from. So, how long have you been here, Shade? That is, if you don't mind me asking."

[Shade Magus]

"All together I imagine about 5 years."

[imported_Jacali Danner]

'It's only been nearly a year for me, but I was off training for a little over four months after the accident, so I'm a bit behind. Wondering if I'm ever going to catch up." She shook her head slightly and smiled. "Master Dasquian has been great through it all, I couldn't have asked for a more caring Master."