Reconciliation (Jordana)

[Ace McCloud]

Usually Ace wouldn't bring anyone into his living quarters, but this time was an exception. He walked into the room with a strong stride about him. His room was just like every other room in the GJO. It had a bed, a closet, and a bathroom. But there was something noticeable as soon as anyone entered. For force users it was immediatly evident that much meditation went on here. There was a small sense of battle, even to non force users. But Force User or no-force user, the hundreds of weapons lined along the walls immediatly came to their attention. From Sai's to old fashioned long swords, almost the entire dorm was mounted with melee style weapons.

Ace threw his cloak onto the bed to reveal his face for the first time in years to her, but he kept his back to her. Without a word he continued to strip himself of his weapons. Lighsaber, daggers, swords, the works. Finally stripped of his leather armor and weapons, he was much more comfortable.

[Jordana Montegue]

Jordana follows Ace from the exterior of Yogurt's Bar and Grill across the beautifully landscaped grounds of the Jedi Order and onwards to his quarters; keeping the tears that want so desperately to fill her eyes and wet her cheeks at bay. She's shed enough tears during these past years and she keeps telling herself that she will not shed any more.

She watches the body language of Ace; his purposeful yet arrogant stride, the way his shoulders remain straight and rigid, the way he keeps his hand tucked beneath his cloak. When in public in the past, he'd carry himself in this same manor; silently warning others to keep their distance and to allow the two to pass unhindered. He was quite different when they were alone together.

Alas ... that was then - this is now.

Gingerly, Jordana steps into his quarters, a few paces after Ace already entered. The way he kept his back to her this whole time pretty much said to her that he wasn't going to simply and politely invite her inside.

Quiet as he removes his weaponry, Jordana finds a comfortable out-of-the-way spot on the floor and simply stands there, looking around at the sparse furnishings and the collection of weapons adorning the walls.

Some things never change, no matter how much time has past - as evident by the display lining the walls. Glancing to Ace as he removes his cloak, she steps over and very lightly slides the tip of her index finger along the flat of one of his swords.

"I won't be staying long - so you don't need to wonder if and when you may end up running into me again."

Jordana's never been one to yell or even to raise her voice and this incident is no exception. She was raised well and it shows. Figuring he'll probably just snap at her to not touch anything, she returns to that small yet comfortable place in the room - near the door - and finally glances over towards Ace.

"Maybe this time, Ace ... we'll be able to say our goodbyes and part as friends?"

This was not stated, but asked. He's the one who left her without any explanation at all - not too mention that he also left her pregnant - so she leaves the ball in his court for the time being.

"Before that happens though ... maybe you'd be kind enough to tell me why you left?"

No accusation in her tone, no anger or subtle hints of a woman scorned - just a simple question posed to hopefully get the answers that will help her close a part of her past that has not found its closure yet.

[Ace McCloud]

Ace listened quietly to everything she said, as he fiddled with some belts and straps on his clothing.

"Take a seat," he said, not ready to answer her questions yet. He thought she was being a little too brief. Time had passed and those many years ago, Ace had been unfair to her. It was time for reconciliation.

He moved into the bathroom but didn't shut the door as he went in. Turning on the faucet, he began to splash his face with cold water. It was late and he was tired, and the drink was supposed to help him sleep. Now he needed the effects of it to go away, it could be a long night. He stood there, after drying his face, staring into the mirror, trying to collect his thoughts. But he hated what he saw, that fallible thing staring back at him. Most of all, he hated those eyes of his. The only source that betrayed his feelings. Whether he was nervous, calm, angry, and so on, his eye color changed accordingly.

After filling up a glass of water, he headed back out into the main room. Taking sips and every now and then, he began to pace along his walls. It was obvious he was concentrating, and he made it clear that he would be the first one to speak -- he just needed a little time to think about it.

[Jordana Montegue]

"Take a seat," he had said while he himself headed into the bathroom. She had to smile a little while watching him - he usually never shut the door when they lived together, either. But that was then and this is now and the now is far different from the then. Polite as always - almost always- Jordana doesn't stare at him; instead she looks around his quarters and notices that there is only the bed or the floor to sit on.

Her lips part slightly, as if about to speak up and voice a question; then she thinks better of it. Dressed to kill this evening and she is definitely not sitting on the floor; so she heads over to the bed and sits right on the edge of the mattress. Her posture might appear to be a bit stiff, uncomfortable - and maybe she is - with her back straight, her hands resting against the tops of her knees and her booted feet planted firm and flat against the floor.

If her posture doesn't scream that she is nervous, then the habit on display certainly will - her thumb rubs methodically against the side of her index finger as she thoughtfully chews against her lower lip; licking her mouth at times to moisten her lips as well.

As Ace emerges from the bathroom, Jordana looks as if she may say something yet again. But, she holds back, unsure just what to say really. Her heart pounds rapidly, her breathing has quickened and tears have begun to fill her eyes; however, she has managed thus far to keep them from falling. When Ace begins pacing, Jordana lowers her head some, shifting her eyes to hands.

A shakey breath is inhaled and let out slowly, then she looks back up to Ace hoping he says something - anything - just to break the deadly silence that has fallen over the room.

[Ace McCloud]

Ace could not only see, but feel her discomfort and nervousness. He hated to see anyone like this, especially her. He was nervous and a little frightened himself, but he had learned to control such weak emotions(as he saw them).

"If you want to cry, cry," he said, not really knowing what else to say. He hated to see her cry, but he had done her wrong, very wrong. He didn't know what hard times she had been through after he left, but suddenly meeting like this could have been a disaster for her.

He sat down on the end of the bed, waiting for her to let it all out or collect herself.

[Jordana Montegue]

The sound of his voice, though not loud, sounds loud in the deafening silence that has blanketed the small living quarters that Ace now calls home. Drawing Jordana's attention, she looks over to him, but still holds the tears at bay - save for one, that manages to waver along the lower lid of her right eye before trickling its way slowly over her cheekbone. It doesn't get much farther than that though, as she lifts her hand and brushes it away with the tips of her fingers.

She never did like to have anyone - especially him - see her cry and this time is no exception. In fact, this time, it seems to be a need to not cry; though she isn't sure why she feels this way.

The bed sinks slightly with Ace's added weight and Jordana shifts a little, turning just a hairs breath so that when she does look back over to him, she isn't craning her neck to do it.

"I really do not wish to trouble you, Ace and I don't want to have any kind of a confrontation. I'd really like it if we can just talk, you know? Like we use to do. It hurts to feel that I've done something to you - something to cause you to hate me."

Once the words began to flow, they didn't seem to stop; but she forces herself to take a moment's pause and catch her breath - as well as her thoughts.

"Why did you go? Whatever it was, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were unhappy or anything. Could you please tell me why you left?"

Again, just her quiet tone and one filled with pained wonder; no accusations, no insinuations; just questions that have lurked within her heart for the past few years.

[Ace McCloud]

Ace let out a troubling sigh. Guilt was now flooding over him and his conscience -- that he has tried to forever lock away -- was beggining to take its turn. He found himself holding his breath as she spoke, and he didn't even notice it until his heart started pounding for oxygen. He turned his head to let out a shaky breath, trying to hide his feelings as usual.

She wouldn't cry, he knew she wouldn't cry. Jordana was a very strong and proud woman, and he knew she couldn't do such a thing -- especially with him.

"I left because I had to," he finally said, with a more relaxed and clear voice than usual. He looked up infront of him where the pieces of a broken lightsaber were framed on the wall.

"I left because..." he paused, trying to find a reason that she could understand, "I left because my feelings for you were too real. Those two years we lived together were all too long. I slowly began to care for you and need you by my side. Jordana," he said her name, standing up and walking towards the wall, "the only way I could escape those feelings was to leave."

His breath practically left him. What was he doing? Showing, even explaining his feelings! All this was so unnatural and forbidden by him. Only once had he done that, and it was with her. Never, never, never did he do this, and thats why he left, and thats why he was scared right now. Scared of what he might become.

[Jordana Montegue]

Confusion shows on her face as she looks to Ace, watching as he struggles with his words and feelings; as he stands and walks towards the wall.

"You left ... because you love me?", the tone in her voice clearly announces just how confused she is. It makes no sense to leave someone because you love them; at least, to her it doesn't make any sense.

"I ... I don't understand. Why is loving me or needing me by your side a bad thing?"

Her mouth twitches at the corner as she begins to chew at the inside of her cheek, letting out a sigh.

"Was it that, Ace? Was that truly the reason you left? Or was it because somehow you already knew that I was carrying your child even though I hadn't told you the news yet?"

Jordana sees most thing as black and white. There is no gray to her - most of the time there isn't. There is no black and white where love and need are concerned. You either love someone - or you don't. You either need to have someone by your side - or you don't. There is and can be no inbetween where love is concerned.

She's so simple minded; perhaps her simplicity is part of what attracted Ace to her. Book smart, not wordly wise; innocent yet alluringly evil at the same time. So many sides to the woman all rolled into one.

The fingernail of her index finger scratches slowly against the bend of her knee - another nervous habit - as Ace stands across the room with his back to her ...

Again.

[Ace McCloud]

"Was it that, Ace? Was that truly the reason you left? Or was it because somehow you already knew that I was carrying your child even though I hadn't told you the news yet?"

Ace spun around quickly, "What?! What child? What are you talking about?"

[Jordana Montegue]

Oops. Ace's reaction says it all - he had no inkling at all that she was pregnant the same time that he left her. The expression on her faces turns from one of confusion to one of deep sadness and she lowers her head a bit, pursing her lips gently.

"I was pregnant, Ace - with your child."

Her lower lip is taken gently between her teeth and her voice quivers as those words are spoken. A deep but shakey breath is taken, steeling herself for the worst of it yet to come.

"I had named him Marcus. Marcus McCloud."

Jordana lifts her head and looks across the room to Ace.

"You had a son, Ace."

The tears pooling in her eyes shiver against the lower lids, then break free and trickle over her cheeks as if racing each other to see which one will drop first. The right wins, hanging from the end of her chin for mere miliseconds before dropping silently to her awaiting lap. A moist circlet appears where it hits, then fades quickly, leaving no trace that the tear even existed.

Whether its her nerves or something else entirely, Jordana plucks at the fold in her slacks near the bend created at her hip and thigh, waiting for Ace to speak once more.

[Ace McCloud]

Ace began to walk over, sternly, and trying to supress his anger.

"What? And you didn't even think of telling me?" he said gritting his teeth. He grunted. This is why he left, well, atleast one of the reasons. He hated conversation, he hated this kind of thing. It was so hard for him to do this kind of thing, and he never liked it. Though she made the words flow alot easier, it still was not natural.

[Jordana Montegue]

Seeing the anger in Ace's expression and hearing it rising in the tone of his voice causes Jordana to startle, jumping up off the edge of the bed and side-stepping away from him. Was she scared? Yes. Though her body begins to shake, her brows knit deeply as her eyes narrow.

"You LEFT! How could I tell you anything when you weren't even around?!"

Normally, Jordana is not the type to raise her voice, however, he's upset her with the words he chose to speak to her - as if she were to be blamed for anything - so upon speaking the word 'left', her voice did rise an octave or two. Realizing that she just basically screamed the word at him, she clears her throat and takes a few more steps away from him, positioning herself nearer to the wall with a clear exit path to the door.

The trembling isn't to be controlled and neither are the tears as they flow freely, gracing her fair cheeks.

"He died, Ace. A little over a year and a half ago - he was only six months old."

Those words - the hardest she's ever had to speak - come out choked; her shoulders hitch as she valiantly holds back the deep sob which nearly clawed its way free of her restraint.

Her eyes - captivating and soul-stealing - filled with tears which blur her vision. Blinking a few times sends the newly welled-up tears tumbling over the lower lids, sending a waterfall down her cheeks.

Jordana looks to Ace, her fingers shaking and fidgeting with each other.

"There was no cure for the rare virus that took him from me, Ace."

Lowering her head, she mumbles under her breath...

"I'm sorry."

[Ace McCloud]

He had no idea what to do or what to day. Krasst did he hate these situations. He let out shaky breath, after finding that he was holding it again.

He tried to assess all this information, Ok. So. I am seeing Jordana for the first time in 2 years after I left her suddenly because I just couldn't have what we were getting into. Now she tells me that I have a son, but now he's dead. Dead. I had a son, MY son. A child born because of me, and now he's dead.

He had no idea what to even think! What in the hell was he supposed to do? How could he say anything, he could hardly even take it all in.

"Sit down," he said, taking a seat himself on the bed. His voice was a little softer and concerned. He noticed she was frightened of him. All his life, that was a good thing, but now it's not what he wanted.

[Jordana Montegue]

[OOC: Note time change of son's death in prior post to coincide with other issues Jordana had]

Her palms sweaty, Jordana wipes them against her thighs then walks back over on shakey legs to sit back down on the edge of the bed. Chewing on her lower lip, she looks to Ace; trying to slow the tears and perhaps end their flow altogether.

[Ace McCloud]

"Don't be sorry," he said, with a pause. "It wasn't you're fault. I-I'm sorry that your son died."

What was he supposed to do? Be passionate? No way, not Ace. His face remained unhindered, not allowing any emotions to be seen. Whatever he was feeling was completely hidden.

[Jordana Montegue]

She sniffles and withdraws a handkerchief from where she had it tucked up in the sleeve of her shirt and uses that to wipe the tears from her eyes and off of her cheeks, then she blows her nose.

"Our son, Ace. I didn't create him all by my lonesome."

She looks to him, quiet and chewing at her lower lip a few times again. Well, this rendezvous isn't getting any easier so she just blurts out the next question.

"Do you think we can still be friends, Ace?"

Realizing that there is still much to be said and closure to achieve, she facepalms, hearing her words. 'That was stupid, Jord. Real stupid.'

"I mean .. I don't understand why you left and I won't pretend to understand. All I know is things seemed to be going very well between us then the next minute you're gone, I'm pregnant; then a mother and then grieving the loss of our son. After that, glitterstim took over and I have no idea what happened to me for six months. Everything's so confusing and please .. please help me to understand why you left. That's all I ask then I'll be out of your life forever. I promise."

[Ace McCloud]

He would try to answer her question -- again. It seemed that was all he could do for her. He couldn't comfort her or offer her a home. He could not provide any of those. He didn't hate her, not at all, infact far from it. But he could not become attached like he did before.

He tried to think of a way to put it so that she could understand. He kept trying to find a good way to tell her, but he couldn't find one.

"I tried to tell you before. But you can't get inside my head and you just can't understand the way I think. People don't like me, Jordana and I don't like people. Living with you was always ackward, just like now. I have been alone my entire life and I intend to stay that way," he said with confidence, his face unchanging.

[Jordana Montegue]

The hurt in her eyes and expressed on her face cannot be hidden, just as the tears can no longer remain contained or controlled. Slowly, Jordana rises from the edge of the bed and smooths a few loose wrinkles from her dress slacks, trying to make sure she looks somewhat presentable when she walks out of Ace's quarters.

"I'm not people, Ace. I didn't just like you - I loved you."

Though a bit shakey still, Jordana makes her way to his door, turning to look at him.

"I can't get inside of your head because you won't let me - you never would let me in. I consider myself lucky to have gotten into your heart - once.

I may never understand, Ace. I just hope that you know I bear you no ill will and I hope that one day you can find a place in your heart to hold me as a friend."

Jordana lifts her hand, swiping the tears away from her eyes lightly.

"I promised to not keep you long and I won't. I also promised to stay out of your life from now on. I will."

The door opens and Jordana steps into the hallway, turning once to face him.

"Farewell, Ace. I hope you are blessed and happy in whatever you choose to do."

Her eyes remain affixed to his for a longer moment, then she turns and heads down the corridor slowly, careful in retracing her steps to find her way back out.

[Ace McCloud]

Ace sat on the bed a moment. He couldn't help but cringe inside at her words. What kind of person was he? He didn't even consider himself a person.

He finally stood up and grabbed his cloak and threw it over his shoulders and the good over his head. With a swift stride, he made his way out of his quarters, where Jordana was already halfway down the hall.

"Wait," he said down the hall from underneath his hood. He paused for a second, surprised at himself.

"Let me walk you out. It's the least I could do..." his voice trailed off.

[Jordana Montegue]

Looking to her right and her left at even intervals, Jordana searches for what looks remotely familiar to find her way back out. She didn't really pay too much attention when they were coming in, so the feeling of being lost sets in.

The sound of Ace's voice echoing in the hall brings her to a stop and she turns, looking back from whence she came; surprised to see him there.

Her brows arch gently, as if asking silently 'yes?'.

For a minute, she doesn't agree nor disagree to his suggestion of walking her out, she just watches him as he approaches.

When he's close enough, she nods her head a few times then turns, walking slowly until he catches up.

[Ace McCloud]

Ace caught up with her in his normal stride and began to walk belong side without saying a word. He made his around 2 corners to a pair of elevators and then boarding one.

"I take that your speeder is in the garage?"

[Jordana Montegue]

Jordana follows Ace, her steps a bit quicker than his due to the differences in their height. Entering the elevator, she clasps her hands before herself and looks up to the numbers above the door.

'I never felt awkward around him before now.'

She thinks to herself.

"Yes. I'm just going to catch a cab out front and ask to be dropped off at the closest hotel. I'll be gone by midmorning when my speeder is finished. Need to get cracking on finding an apartment before I begin my new job in a few days."

Too much information, Jordana. All you had to do was say 'yes' and leave it at that. Oh well. Looking down at her clasped hands, she rocks her right foot from side to side waiting for the elevator to begin moving.

[Ace McCloud]

Ace smiled. He felt alot more relieved than he was 2 minutes ago. Things had gone badly, put perhaps in the future they wouldn't be so harsh. The elevator stopped at ground level and the doors opened to reveal the busy Curoscant street. The GJO had their own bellhop and escort serviced hired, they would make sure she got a cab.

Ace remained in the elevator.

[Jordana Montegue]

While Ace seems to be feeling relieved, Jordana is feeling ... most lost than ever. The trip down the elevator was spent in silence and when the doors open, she steps out and heads across the lobby.

Jordana doesn't turn to look back at Ace. She doesn't want him to know that she's crying or to know that her heart aches and just how confused she is.

'Doesn't he care? He didn't ask any questions about the baby. He didn't ask what happened to me, not that it matters, but still ...'

These thoughts, and a thousand more go through her head as she slowly crosses the looby area and disregards the bellhop. Once outside, she staggers, grabbing a hold of the railing for support.

She presses a hand against her forehead for a moment until the dizziness passes then releases the railing, heads down the stairs and waits to hail a passing skycab.

[Ace McCloud]

"See you sometime," he said as she left. The doors closed on him as he watched her walk away.

[Jordana Montegue]

"See you sometime," he said as she left. The doors closed on him as he watched her walk away.

Though she heard him, she didn't respond. Fear of turning around, him seeing her tears and her wanting to just run to him holds her back.

She lifts her hand and hails a skycab, which pulls up and the door opens. Jordana pauses for just a minute with her hand resting against the top of the open door and looks back towards the building. She can't see Ace inside; the reflection of the other elements in the area is too strong. Two fingers lift slightly as she waves goodbye - hoping he sees it.

With a deeply drawn breath and a swipe of her tears, she enters the cab and is whisked away.

********

(Thank you! You really helped me establish part of her past and I had fun :) )

[Ace McCloud]

OOC: Yea it was great. A little hard on my end though =P