A View of the Strip Club

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Please keep this PG-13 because I don't want this thread closed.

I need opinions on strip clubs. From anyone. Should people who are in significant relationships go to them, even if it's only for socialization and not for any other reason?

[Charley]

Sure. It's not a problem, any moreso than people who are in a relationship watching a porn every so often.

You go in, and pay a modest cover charge. There's usually a bar to the side, and several tables in the back. There are some seats at the front of the stage, for those who want to play, but playing is optional.

The strippers come out on the stage, and start doing their thing. They strip down first, then mess around on the pole and stuff like that. Then, they spend a little quality time up front with the patrons that sit by the stage. They'll do a little close dancing next to them, and then let the people up front slip some cash into their garters and such. That's about as much contact as you get. You don't do anything else. Don't even really touch em. I slapped one on the butt on my first trip, and its pretty much a faux pax. It was cool because she was nice and I knew the owners, so no feathers were ruffled. She even came and had a few drinks with me after she was done.

Anyway, playing is completely optional. You can hang back and have a few drinks, and be as low key as you want. There's nothing required of you. Of course, if you're just completely flustered by tits (below the equator is covered), then you should probably stay at home. Really, its pretty innocuous.

[Gav Mortis]

This one has caused a lot of problems in the past, especially with a few friends of mine who have been invited to a strip club as part as a night out; usually a birthday party. Now as much as I see it as unfair for either member of the relationship to forbid the other from going to such places I can understand and to an extent sympathise with the whole aspect of jealousy. It is jealousy and is more or less unavoidable in such a circumstance.

The way I see it, if the relationship is that significant; strong and trusting then there should be no real problem. The reason why there is a problem is trust, or lack thereof. If you are uncomfortable with your partner going to a strip club then there has to be, somewhere at the back of your mind, a lack of trust no matter how small. You see, overall I find strip clubs to be very harmless things; essentially it's just a good night out and a good laugh. The only difference this has to a regular night out is that there's nudity involved.

If, as I've already said, there is a slight trust issue between the partners then there's more to worry about on a regular boys/girls night out than a night out at a strip club because the audience is going to be either all men or all women. And the strippers are professionals, they aren't loose unlike many drunken clubbers. So on the whole I view strip clubs as harmless fun but like I said, I can understand and sympathise with people who have problems with their partners going to them.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

^_^;; okay... I was just having a conversation about it with my boyfriend last night and I got pretty upset. He said he would take me to one so I could see what they're like, but I dunno if I'd ever do that. I just find it sort of humiliating I suppose, even though he assured me just about what you just said, Charley.

Thanks, that helps.

[Lady Mylia]

Okay, let's mix things up a bit. I know what you both are saying, it's harmless fun and we'll say it's not for any particular reason, just to go with the boys. Why would you go, pay money, drink, and watch girls take their tops off when if you have a sigficant other that could get the same (maybe more) if he were to stay at home....

[Charley]

You obviously haven't seen some of those girls dance, then.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Well he hasn't been since he's been with me... I dunno it just sort of bothers me, and yes I suppose I'm being jealous and possessive on some level. But if you're going just for 'the music and the dancing' then why not go to a non strip club?

[Lady Mylia]

No, I can't say I have.

[Charley]

Are there trust issues in play when girls have Chippendale dancers at "Girls Night Out" or a Bachelorette party? No.

I don't feel threatened when a ladyfriend of mine eyes that Orlando Bloom jerkwad and goes "OMG so hawt what a hunk blah blah blah". Sure, its a lapse of bad taste, but there's no sense of threat.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

It isn't that I don't trust him. I do trust him. I'm just having a hard time wrapping my mind around this and I don't know how to 'get over it.'

And I would be too embarrassed to have Chippendales or male strippers at any girl's night or bachelorette party. So maybe the 'problem' is with *me* and that I'm too square. :cry

[Lady Mylia]

That's funny. But don't you think it's kind of different to say "Oh, what a hot movie star" than actually going to see hot women dance, in person? On the chippendale note, I don't think I would ever be a part of that. I don't see a need to.

[Charley]

Originally posted by Lady Mylia
That's funny. But don't you think it's kind of different to say "Oh, what a hot movie star" than actually going to see hot women dance, in person? On the chippendale note, I don't think I would ever be a part of that. I don't see a need to.

Not one bit, because there's no physical interaction in either case.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

*sigh*

[imported_Akrabbim]

I know this is totally against the current public opinion, but I'm totally against the things. It doesn't matter how 'innocent' it supposedly is, I think they're still a really bad thing. As a guy, I'm fully aware of how easy it is to be tempted. As well, why put that kinda stuff in your head? I mean, it's hard to forget certain things. I, for one, wouldn't want any girl I was dating to have images of some other guy's winky in her head while she was with me.

So, in summary, I'm totally against the things.

[Ryla Relvinian]

Well, it goes like this. Boys can (and will) do whatever they want in terms of watching other women, either on the street, at work, or more raunchy means like porn and strip clubs. But as long as they keep coming home to you, there's no real problem that I see in guys looking.

On the other hand, I think the reason why there is this double standard that Charley brought up is that women are much more expressive when they feel like they are second best. That's why I, personally, would feel cheated if my guy was looking at other women... it implies, to me, that I am not good enough to look at in that context.

Men don't usually express this feeling, not because they don't have it, but they just don't say it. I know for certain that when I make a comment on how hawt some male movie star is, my guy feels a bit insecure for the reasons stated above.

Really, it all comes down to communication. I'd suggest just saying, "When you check out strippers, I feel **" Whether that emotion is undervalued, cheated, lonely... whatever. If this guy respects you, he won't do it. :)

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Originally posted by Agent Charley
Sure. It's not a problem, any moreso than people who are in a relationship watching a porn every so often.
Of course, I'd have a problem with my guy looking at porn as well.

[ReaperFett]

Providing we're only talking LOOKING, I wouldn't say there's a problem. Course, there's also a difference between occasionally going in with friends and going regularly, wether with friends or not.


Originally posted by Agent Charley
Are there trust issues in play when girls have Chippendale dancers at "Girls Night Out" or a Bachelorette party? No.
Might be for some. And just because there are Chippendales, doesn't automatically mean that strip clubs are fine.

[Silus Xilarian]

Suggestion: If you dont want him watching porn, then be ready to ante up and do some of the stuff they do in them.

I'd think you'd rather him be able to watch other people do some of that stuff than do it yourself, I mean...I've seen some things in porn that I wouldnt ever ask a girl to do.

IMO, its good to let men fanticize.

As far as strip clubs go, I guess my jealousy range is a bit strange. If im with someone, I dont care how much they look, so long as they dont touch.

Basically, if you feel threatened about him going to a strip club, then he might not be the right person for you. If you feel like you have to compete for his attention with every other woman on earth, you're gonna go nuts. Trust me.

[imported_Grev Drasen]

Originally posted by Silus Xilarian
As far as strip clubs go, I guess my jealousy range is a bit strange. If im with someone, I dont care how much they look, so long as they dont touch.Assuming this is a strip club with females, I'd be more than accepting of the fact my girl wanted to "interact" with the dancers. Though if it were other men she was getting touchy with I'd probably be more than jealous.

That probably makes me a chauvinist, doesn't it?

[Dasquian Belargic]

Suggestion: If you dont want him watching porn, then be ready to ante up and do some of the stuff they do in them.

PPFT. what? No way. that's ridiculous. porn is totally unlike real life. you can't expect women to do the stuff they do in porn movies. that seems pretty selfish to me, really, to demand that of someone.


If you feel like you have to compete for his attention with every other woman on earth, you're gonna go nuts. Trust me.

I don't think it's the same, really. I think it's understandable for a guy to notice women out and about, but for him to purposefully go out of his way to go into a club to watch other women would just make me feel as though I wasn't good enough for him :\

[imported_Grev Drasen]

Originally posted by Dasquian Belargic
PPFT. what? No way. that's ridiculous. porn is totally unlike real life. you can't expect women to do the stuff they do in porn movies. that seems pretty selfish to me, really, to demand that of someone.Yeah, it is pretty selfish. Which is why we have porn to begin with. Women won't do it, so they shouldn't have a problem with their significant other watching other girls do it.

[Dasquian Belargic]

I can understand single guys watching porn, but if they're in a healthy relationship I just don't see any need for it.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Originally posted by Dasquian Belargic
I can understand single guys watching porn, but if they're in a healthy relationship I just don't see any need for it.

ditto.

I don't feel *threatened* I don't know exactly how to explain it. It makes me sad. I'm just overly emotional right now and I cried on him last night, and so I need to be able to figure this out today and be able to have a good conversation with him about it.

Bottom line : he's only going there to hang out with his friends, then fine, if he wants to go then fine. His friends are single, so they want to go to a strip club, whatever.

[Seteth Morters]

I can see how it can make someone feel a bit cheated or inadequate, to see that their bloke is watching pr0n/going to strip clubs, but in most cases it rates as eyelid cinema with live actors - just another temproary flight of fantasy. Its when it becomes an all-consuming obsession that your worries begin.

[Darth Viscera]

Going to the strip club with him is a better option than him going alone (well, alone + friends). At least you're involved then.

Also, you've got to accept that guys often will watch porn and even masturbate whether they're in a relationship or not. If you get mad at them and tell them to stop, then fine, they'll now start doing it in secret and hope you don't find out. Guaranteed. Again, the best thing you can do here is get involved.


I can understand single guys watching porn, but if they're in a healthy relationship I just don't see any need for it.

Then please read up on sexual health. Said healthy relationship guy is most likely suffering from "being a male" disorder. Unless you can be around 24 hours a day and synchronize your arousal to his, the guy in question will watch and likely respond to porn when you're not around. Again, the best thing you can do is be involved.

[Tear]

I think it all boils down to the person or relationship your in..

Some couples are ok with their significant other going to hang out in situations where the opposite sex is abudent and clearly trying to attract the other.(because thats their job)

They understand that its simply a group activity with no emotional bonds or significant acts being done. Its just something they are out to do and have fun in a night out.

On the other hand..some people and couples are not ok with it. Some couples just have different feelings and relationships with each other. It depends on the persons in the relationship. Some people wouldnt be comfertable to have their significant other go off into a place where the sole purpose is to watch the opposite sex in an appealing fashion. Because honestly, it can bring up alot of emotions and questions from the simple fact that they went to hangout in such a place.

It might make the person feel insecure about the relationship or maybe a little jealous because they have to share a sort of affection with other men/women.

In the end i think it mostly depends on both of you. If it upsets you that he goes to such a place, ask him not to? and tell him why. It all depends on the relationship you both have. If one of you does something that upsets the other, you should work it out.

Again maybe if you go with him to a strip club, you might see that you really dont have anything to worry about and you might be ok with it. Or you might still not like it.

[Daiquiri Van-Derveld]

Girl, if youre still uncomfortable with it, dont go! Period, end of story.

James...Im gonna smack you for the 'do what they do in the porn movies' comment (when I finally meet you, that is :mneh) :love

[Figrin D'an]

Question: Is this a situation in which your boyfriend has friends, single or otherwise, who like to hang out at a strip club and he's going so he be with his friends? Or is it just that he likes going to strip clubs?

[Ishan Shade]

Well on personal experience, I would have to say that I quite enjoy them. :D

[Galavander]

I'm sure someone else might've said this by now but if someone in a relationship has a problem with strip clubs, than the other should respect that and work it out between themselves. IMO of course

And I find pornography to be something equal to... lack of ability to get some. I mean, why bother getting something so fake if you can get something real and meaningful out of a real relationship? Not to offend anyone, I've just never seen any point in looking to pornography when I know I have the capability of getting the same thing from a relationship. But I figure people get other stuff out of porn cuz alot of that is really unrealistic i think for most people's relationships.

[Pierce Tondry]

I don't feel *threatened* I don't know exactly how to explain it. It makes me sad. I'm just overly emotional right now and I cried on him last night, and so I need to be able to figure this out today and be able to have a good conversation with him about it.

Bottom line : he's only going there to hang out with his friends, then fine, if he wants to go then fine. His friends are single, so they want to go to a strip club, whatever.

You lie. Things are not fine. <a href=/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30289>Here's the proof.</a> :)

There's really no need for a 'conversation' on the 'issue'. You need to decide on whether you can accept your partner going to a strip club (both in a dating relationship and in an engaged/married relationship) and explain it to him. He will either agree or disagree with that stance. If he disagrees, you will then decide whether this is something you'll let slide or whether it's worth stopping seeing him over. Talking it to death will just make things worse.

My personal opinion is that watching strippers is harmless gratification. It falls under my policy of "I wouldn't really do it myself, but I'm not going to stop others from doing so."

[Ishan Shade]

Originally posted by Pierce Tondry
My personal opinion is that watching strippers is harmless gratification.

It's kind of like giving a hungry man plastic fruit.

[Marcus Telcontar]

Originally posted by Akrabbim
I know this is totally against the current public opinion, but I'm totally against the things. It doesn't matter how 'innocent' it supposedly is, I think they're still a really bad thing. As a guy, I'm fully aware of how easy it is to be tempted. As well, why put that kinda stuff in your head? I mean, it's hard to forget certain things. I, for one, wouldn't want any girl I was dating to have images of some other guy's winky in her head while she was with me.

So, in summary, I'm totally against the things.

Quoted for great truth and agreed


PPFT. what? No way. that's ridiculous. porn is totally unlike real life. you can't expect women to do the stuff they do in porn movies. that seems pretty selfish to me, really, to demand that of someone.

And you know, the people who are addicted to porn expect porn to be real life. Dont tell me what you watch doesnt influence you, it does. Porn is not harmless fun.

[Tear]

Yeah tell me about it Marcus..im still waiting for the seven blondes who are overly friendly with each other to deliver my pizza, in a rain storm..wearing all white..or something:p

[Marcus Telcontar]

Originally posted by Tear
Yeah tell me about it Marcus..im still waiting for the seven blondes who are overly friendly with each other to deliver my pizza, in a rain storm..wearing all white..or something:p

You mean you havent had that happen to you? Get with the program man!

:p

[Darth Viscera]

I don't know, I don't find it difficult to differentiate between porn and real life. The girl who I'm infatuated with is not a lesbian supermodel, and that doesn't make me fawn over her any less. I don't expect porn in real life, and I've been looking at porn actively (like 99% of the time) since I was 14.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

In an update on the situation we talked again, and apparently I misunderstood a tiny bit the other night: he doesn't want to go to one in the future, he'd only been talking about in the past when he'd gone. ^_^;

And he'd be going to hang out with friends who a single and who wanted to be there. Thanks everyone for the input, I really appreciated this.

[Zasz Grimm]

Originally posted by Seteth Morters
I can see how it can make someone feel a bit cheated or inadequate, to see that their bloke is watching pr0n/going to strip clubs, but in most cases it rates as eyelid cinema with live actors - just another temproary flight of fantasy. Its when it becomes an all-consuming obsession that your worries begin.

marry me. now.

PS: charley's statements should put you at ease.

PPS: Grev and James speak truth.

[Silus Xilarian]

Btw....note Sarcasm when I say "be ready to do what they do in the porno."

the point im making is, you dont wanna do that yourself, and Im not asking anyone to. What im saying is back off If i wanna fanticize.

Women need to realize that men in general are horny all for the better part of the day, and night, for that matter. If women are too, then by god they hide it well.

I would think by now, women would be all for letting their significant others watch porn. If you arent in the mood for sex, then let the man go fanticize on his own. If you're laying in bed with a 'headache' do you REALLY want him hunching your leg? Cause it'll happen. Its a proven fact that horny men are one of the most annoying occurances on earth.

[Darth Viscera]

Originally posted by Silus Xilarian
Btw....note Sarcasm when I say "be ready to do what they do in the porno."

the point im making is, you dont wanna do that yourself, and Im not asking anyone to. What im saying is back off If i wanna fanticize.

Women need to realize that men in general are horny all for the better part of the day, and night, for that matter. If women are too, then by god they hide it well.

I would think by now, women would be all for letting their significant others watch porn. If you arent in the mood for sex, then let the man go fanticize on his own. If you're laying in bed with a 'headache' do you REALLY want him hunching your leg? Cause it'll happen. Its a proven fact that horny men are one of the most annoying occurances on earth.

I vote for you.

[Charley]

I only go to this one because I know the owner and get free drinks. Even still, I go maybe twice a year. It isn't a big deal.

[Estelle Russard]

I think if it was for a stag or something it would be alright, but if it was my boyfriend wanting to go semi-regular basis, Id be having none of it.

Id be like "sure, go. Later loser."

To me, its shows he wants the cake and to eat it too.

[Slayn Cloak]

I hate strip clubs...

[Silus Xilarian]

Strip clubs are great for hanging out with friends. Go have a few drinks, and enjoy the scenery. If a guy goes to a strip club hoping to get laid though, then he's got some issues....

Or too much money and no shame.