Delusions of Self-Made Security (Quay'Na and Open)

[Daen C'allyx]

Daen had spent a long time searching for just the right room in the living quarters. He had finally found it, on the ground floor, in the farthest and darkest corner. It was a small space, that was part of it’s appeal. It hadn’t taken long for him to move in, he had just tossed his bag in the middle of the floor and made sure his Kowakian Monkey Lizard, Luna, was settled. Then Daen had slumped to the floor, intending to slip into meditation as was his habit. This time though, he was fast asleep before his head hit the floor.

Drip

Drip

Drip

He could feel his flesh burning under the hot iron, a sharp pain so real and definite that he thought he would die because of it. Only he couldn’t scream because his head was underwater and there was no sound except for that intolerable drip.

Cold, it was cold, and burning hot and his eyes were itchy, he wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t breathe and…why, why couldn’t he feel his Master? Where was the Force, why couldn’t he feel the Force?

But now the searing branding in his leg was back again and his thoughts twisted and spiraled in the ice water, a breath rushed past his blue lips and into the liquid in giant bubbles.

They were killing him, only not yet…please, just do it. End it now, I can’t take this.

Hard, he was on a hard surface now and he could hear faintly the screams of a man from somewhere…somewhere, where? He couldn’t tell, he couldn’t feel, just hear the screaming and it was getting louder and louder and—

Daen gasped sharply and sat bolt upright, covered in a sheet of cold sweat. His chest rose and fell rapidly, searching for air. Across the room, Luna was screaming.

Screaming. Louder and louder. No, no, no, he was back. They had found him, he was back.

Daen opened his mouth and a trembling cry was emitted. They weren’t going to hurt him again, not again. He was getting dizzy from breathing so fast, it was getting hard to think and so he began to rely upon his instinct. This time they would not capture him so easily. This time he was ready.

The young man crawled rapidly over to his bag and ripped it open, pulling the contents out in a frenzy. At the bottom of the pack he found what he was looking for: his blaster. An intense look came over Daen’s face, and he stood shakily, exiting his room.

It was quiet in the hall. They didn’t know he was escaping yet, but they would. They would know soon enough, so he had to stop them. The Padawan scurried down the corridor, blaster in hand, breathing as if he were going into cardiac arrest. He paused against the wall when he came to the corner and wiped some of the streaming perspiration from his face.

There was someone around the corner, he knew it. They wouldn’t catch him.

They wouldn’t make him scream.

Daen let out a piercing screech that dated back to the days of savagery and spun around the stone corner, grabbing the figure around the neck and pressing the nozzle of the blaster into the back of their head. He trembled in fear and triumph.

“Don’t move,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Don’t move a muscle.”

[Quay'Na Rakai]

What the... Quay'Na Rakai thought as someone grabbed her, had she not been trying to balance the load of texts she was taking to her personal storage area, she would've thought the ordeal quite humerous. But, when she dropped them all and felt the blaster in the back of her head, it wasn't funny.

Immediately, the Padawan felt the rush of savage energy through the young man who held her at blaster point. She felt his fear, it was evident. "

Quay'Na stayed calm, her lightsabre was only centimeters away from her hand, though at this moment she didn't want to startle him. Yet.

There was no doubt in her mind that she could easily get out of his grip, but it was the strange feeling she felt shimmering off him in waves that made her stay. It was almost familiar. "Easy, friend. I'm not here to hurt you."

[Daen C'allyx]

Daen shook the woman roughly. The blaster pressed into her neck more firmly.

"You don't talk, you keep quiet!"

The young man swallowed and darted his gaze about the empty hallways, expecting more to come. In his mind the agonizing cries could still be heard and Daen could no longer distinguish what was real and what was past.

"I swear I will shoot you if you don't listen to what I tell you. This is it, this is the end of it all."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Great, now I have to deal with a delusional Padawan, as if I don't have enough on my mind... Quay'Na sighed deeply. What was he doing down here anyway?

"Just who do you think I am?" She asked as she tried to get an answer from te young man. PDS. Post-Dramatic Stress Disorder, had to be. No one acted this way here normally. She needed to get him talking, perhaps it would bring him out of the state he was in.

[Helenias Evenstar]

There were times when you just had to have a rancor burger. A big fat one with dripping fat, some salad toppings as well. A Nice spicy sauce and a fizzyglug to top it off.

The damn thing was revolting, but the craving pregnant women could get, at the strangest times, for the strangest things, were beyond explaination. The food raid was just bizarre. Especially when it was for greasy crap.

Still, I thought, walking back to my room, the still unfinished bottle of fizzyglug in one hand, it could be worse - I had heard Faith was craving some foul snack food. and lets face it, in my military days I had eaten a great deal worse. But right now with baby pushing against my stomach, it did want to make me belch. The other good thing about being bregnant was the ability to be most unladylike in manners. The burp was long, loud and echoed. It made me smile with relief.

Said relief was wiped off my face as a felt a surge of emotion. I felt..... two beings. Close. A scuffle. Normally, I would be charging off in the direction of the disturbance, sabre in hand ready to beat up the cause. However, that wasn't quite wise, not with a baby on board. Instead, I progressed somewhat more carefully, reaching out with my feeling to find out just what was going on.

Seeing it with my own eyes was better. Behind someone hold a blaster to... a female? I wasn't quite sure, I was coming from behind the male.

"What's going on here?" I asked out loud. "Can I be of assistance?"

[Daen C'allyx]

A jerky breath rusheed passed the 'captive' woman's ear, what may have been a laugh. Daen swallowed, whispering hoarself.

"Now don't do that. Don't try worm out of this with identity games, it's not going to work. I kno--"

"What's going on here? Can I be of assistance?"

Daen spun himself and Quay'Na around to face the newcomer. He had known that it wouldn't be long before others came. They were still coming. He knew it, they always came in a group.

*

"What's going on here?"

No, not him. He was the worst, he enjoyed their suffering. Daen whipered on the cold stone floor.

Something was wrong with his back, he couldn't move. The throbbing was so intense that he felt for sure that one could see the pulsating. Daen coughed, trying to ignore the sharp pain that the sudden movement brought, and spit out a mouthful of thick blood.

"Master?"

Empty silence.

The apprentice reached slowly to his neck and felt the low hum of the collar that encumpassed it.

"Master?"

"What's going on here?"

*
Daen growled at the stranger before himself and his other captor.

"I'm a Jedi but I won't hesitate to blow you and your buddy from here to Kingdom come. Not another step."

Then he leaned closer to Quay'Na's ear again.

"Where is he?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na grimaced slightly as the Jedi Knight spoke, she kept extra cautious now, one wrong move and it could result in death and there was no way she was going to let that happen. "Where's who?" She asked gently she silently wished she was better at telekinesis and perhaps, she could've gotten the blaster away from him. But, it wasn't one of her strengths...yet and neither was her mental telepathy, she was deaf beyond the animal kingdom.

"Just who are you looking for?" She asked. "Perhaps, we can help you." Her words again spoken softly.

[Daen C'allyx]

"You've helped enough!"

There was an edge of desperation to Daen's voice now, an urgency that was slowly picking up speed. He kept his eye with sight trained on Helenias, but never let up on his grip on the other Jedi.


"Just who are you looking for?"

Daen again pushed the blaster further into her neck.

"Don't play the idiot, you know who. Where is he, where's the other Jedi who was with me? What did you do to him?"

[Falcon Gyndar]

Falcon had been taking in some much-needed sleep that he had finally been able achieve after a few restless and headachey days. Ice was still away, and that was in part a good thing because then he had some more time to get his noggin sorted out. In the meantime he had made a few new friends, done some sparring..and recruiting..Well, he'd spent a great deal of time between the academy, Yog's and the RC. And met one or two rather interesting characters. Speaking of interesting characters, he heard some familiar voices down the hall...and one was particularily fresh in his mind...

Daen...Daen C'allyx. The new kid. The troubled one....

...The others were those of Helenias and Quay'Na. The situation sounded threatening, and from what he heard coming out of Daen's mouth, and what he could feel, he knew what was going on...and why.

Something with his past...His RECENT past... He didn't tell me, and I didn't ask it.

Falcon moved closer to his door, which was open a small enough crack to see. This passage was dark at the end, but he could make everyone out just fine.

I know he's missing all his training...except the meditation...but the blaster, nonetheless, could cause damage...

The knight withdrew completely into his room a second, and grabbed his utility belt, which held his 'saber, his personal blaster, and a few other useful trinkets and toys. Falcon grabbed his leather jacket off the coat tree and put it on. He slept in his boots that time being that he had been too tired to take them off, so he was already wearing them, buckles and laces done up and all. He casually walked up to the door, and out into the corridor, keeping tabs on the current 'event'. He could be seen by Helenias, no one else...as they were facing the other direction. He looked at her, hoping she'd know enough to see that he was there, but also to not give any clue that he was. He tried directing a thought at her, not knowing if she could hear it.

Helenias.. It's Falcon... he...Daen...He's still very shaken by something in his past...This is trauma...I know it..

He hoped that Daen didn't hear him around, because the young man had been yelling so loudly. Falcon looked tired, and let out a small yawn. But really, he was anything but what you saw....

[Helenias Evenstar]

I was very careful to stay unthreatening and quiet, whilst assessing a course of action. Grab the gun with my mind, quick in, a quick fight and he would be out of it and Quay safe. However, the quiet speech in my mind changed that plan

Helenias.. It's Falcon... he...Daen...He's still very shaken by something in his past...This is trauma...I know it.

Allright. Different strategy. I breathed out, makingn my mind calm and focused, then, with every bit of mental encouragement for the young man to believe me, I spoke.

"It's okay, your safe now, I am a Jedi too - I was sent here to help you. This is my Padawan Learner, Quay'Na Rakai. I am Helenias Evenstar. Put the gun down Daen"

My words sounded all the more resonable and suggestive as they were the truth.... well Quay wasn't my Padawan (Or was she? I wasn't even sure of that) but there was no deception to be detected. Only honest good will to help and protect.

[Daen C'allyx]

Something in Daen's memory clicked. Yes, the last time they had captured him, there had been two Jedi who came. Yes, this was right.

Why had they taken so long? So much blood...and not one person had helped, not for so long...

Slowly the young man pulled the blaster from Quay's neck, though he still kept a firm grip on the weapon. He released his vice-like grip on her and shakily shook his head.

"Finally. We don't have long, they're coming! We have to find him, we have to..."

Oh he was so tired. It was so hard to even stand, and why did he feel so empty?

"My Master...I don't know where they have him...We have to find him, we have to..."

Daen waved the blaster about wildly.

[Falcon Gyndar]

Falcon watched a moment, then slipped back into his room, being sure to leace his door open a crack.. just in case his part in this was not over...

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Helenias' Padawan? Had she actually considered it for now? Quay'Na would question it later.

The Padawan ducked out of the way to keep from getting hit in the head by the young man's blaster. She wondered how she always managed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

After all she'd been minding her own business, though her thoughts still kept her preoccupied. But...she felt no warning from the Force whatsoever. And that in itself was very strange. But, nonetheless the young man needed her full attention and she would worry about her own problems later.

With a sideward glance to Helenias, Quay questioned the young man. "What's your name first? So, we can get to the bottom of this and help you." Her voice remained calm and gentle to try and soothe his panic.

[Helenias Evenstar]

"His name is Daen, Quay. He needs our help"

Still keeping my voice toned to project a want to help and honesty, I came forward, hands open and slightly up, making myself as unthreatening as I could.

"Who is you Master and where did you last see him? Who's coming?"

[Daen C'allyx]

Daen tried not to yell, but he was frustrated.

"Didn't the Council tell you anything? My Master is Iro Kann, they took him to a seperate room when they caught us... I can't, I can't remember where it is..."

The young man gripped his head, trying to ease the screaming. Tears were sliding down his cheeks because he knew something wasn't right. This shouldn't have happened again, it couldn't be happening again.

Yet, it was.

"I just...They're going to hurt him again and he doesn't even have the Force anymore."

Suddenly Daen began to claw at his own neck, scratching the skin with his nails.

"It's these damn collers, I can't get it off!"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

It was starting to come clearer now, the young man had lost his master....somewhere and it was obvious that he wasn't coming back. Just like herself eight months ago. She too, had lost a master, that had been the reason she had to return.

She saw the turmoil, felt the empty pain he had. It was all too familiar and she hadn't handled Master Ira's death well either, but not to this point where the young man was delusional and didn't even know that he was safe.


Post-Dramatic Stress Disorder. And the young man had it bad.

"We're here to help, Daen." Quay'Na responded softly as she looked over at Helenias. This was quite an odd situation.

[Helenias Evenstar]

Oh dear. This was getting out of hand. In times gone by, I would have stepped up and king hit the man, laid him out for the medics to treat. I could do that, who would expect it? But there was another way.

"There is no collar", I said quietly and softly. "You are safe with friends. Relax.... go to sleep for a few minutes. When you wake up, this will be just a bad dream"

I used the persuasive powers of the Force to the maximum I could, toning my voice soft, gentle and relaxing, willing him to retreat from the illusion he was in and into reality.

[Daen C'allyx]

...It's not a dream, it's not a dream, it's not a dream...

Though the mantra flew through his mind like a frightened bird, Helenias' nudging with the Force was having a soothing effect. Daen stopped mauling his neck and leaned against the wall, his chest heaving up and down.

...It's not...it's real...it's not...real...it's not real...

It was as if he had been underwater for too long and unable to breathe. Daen sucked in a startled breath as the cold dank halls faded into the quiet calm of the Jedi corridors. He began to tremble, the shock of the release from his past having chilled him to his core. The young man shook his head, sliding down the wall with his blaster slowly. His chest was aching and he stopped breathing for a long moment, as if breathing would shatter him.

He opened his mouth to speak, but it only moved soundlessly. When he reached the floor Daen crumpled and let out an anguished cry, sobs shaking his emaciated frame.

"...It was real...They were there...I couldn't...I couldn't..."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na knew exactly how he felt, she had felt the same way when she came back after Master Ira's death. But over the months and with the help of several master's, her waking dream with the aged Master and she had finally gotten past the worst of it.

With a deep sigh, Quay'Na knelt down by the emotionally crushed young man, she lay a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "You're not alone, Daen. I know how it is when something like this happens, I've been there myself." She told him gently. "You're not alone." She told him again and gently pulled him to her and merely held him, while he released his anguish.

[Daen C'allyx]

"You're not alone."

But he had been. Alone, scared, and utterly helpless to stop any of it. Daen clung to the woman, gripping her garb tightly in his fists and cried and cried and cried, for the first time in years.

* * *

"Master?"

Heavy silence and a cold stone floor were all that answered for a long moment. Finally the familiar deep voice replied, though softly.

"I'm here Padawan."

"Master I can't feel you, I can't...the Force, it's gone..."

"The collars Daen. It's just the collars. Did they hu--" Here the voice faltered, "--rt you?"

They had. He couldn't move it burned and ached and throbbed so badly. But Daen just coughed.

"I'll be alright. Master?"

The quiet again.

"Master?"

Nothing.

"Master?"

* * *

With a shake of his head Daen pushed Quay'Na away and leaned once again against the wall. He tilted his head up, squinting through tears at the bright light above.

"...He never got hurt. Nothing hurt him, ever. But he was screaming...he was screaming..."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"Daen, I know how you feel." Quay'Na told him as she gently touched his shoulder. "My first master passed away about a year ago. If anyone knows what's going through your mind, it's me. Talk to me, Daen."

[Daen C'allyx]

"No, no you don't! You don't know how I feel! You weren't there! You didn't see, you didn't hear, you didn't feel...Oh Frell..."

He was screaming at the top of his lungs, huddled into a pathetic little bunch. Daen shook his head viciously now, whipping it back and forth as he rocked in his crunched position.

"It never stopped...They never stopped, they didn't eat or sleep...Always there, they were always there and yelling and cold, it was so cold..."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"Daen, that is in your past, it can no longer hurt you. You must pull away from these memories for that is all they are...memories. Take a deep breath and try to relax." She sent soothing Force waves over him, trying to calm him. To keep him from hyperventilating.

[Daen C'allyx]

Why didn't they understand these weren't just memories! These were devils, they were ghosts, they were horrible, horrible beasts that never left him alone. It didn't matter what he did, they always came back.

"But I can't!"

Daen shook his head angrily as another tear spilled over his cheek. He looked intensly at Quay'Na, a longing in his eyes.

"I want to. I want to so badly but..."

His head fell.

"I can't."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"I know it's hard." God, did she. "I blamed myself for the death of my master for very long time. It haunted me, just as this haunts you."

She gently took her hands and placed them on each side of his face and had him look at her. "It will pass, I promise you that. You'll never forget it, but it will get better with each passing day. That darkness that surrounds you will lift and you'll be who you were before this ever happened." She paused. "I'm here for you, Daen. I will do everything in my power to help you through this."

She gently wiped the tear away with her thumb. "I won't let you go through this alone."

[Daen C'allyx]

That seemed to do it. Daen fell quiet, but the salty liquid kept sliding from his eyes. He didn't try to stop it. Sometimes even men needed to cry, despite the age-old addage that boys didn't.

When his eyes burned from keeping them open, Daen blinked. For the most part though, he just kept them staring forward. All the horrible haunts were playing slowly through his mind, but this time it was different. This time it was from a distance, as if he were watching a holovid. Daen saw himself, saw it from an outsiders point of view.

How long? How long was it going to take before he felt better? It seemed to Daen that never was the right answer. There was something so infinitely intimidating about the grief. The exaustion was mutated, so that it never went away. He had no hunger, no thirst. Daen was absolutely empty except for that great gaping hole.

How could it get better?

"How?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"You're on your way already. These tears are just the beginning. If you must cry then I will be here to accept these tears of grief and pain. I promise you that, Daen. Cry long, cry hard...let it out." She could feel his emptiness within him and stayed right there to help him through this horrible time that was upon him.

[Daen C'allyx]

Swallowing around the lump in his throat was hard. Daen nearly choked trying to do so.

What if the surfacing recollections didn't fade, what if they remained as vivid as they were now? Surely he would die, or go crazy, or both.

Though it was sure to tear something away from what little Daen was holding on to, he ventured a question. He was afraid of the answer.

"Did you...When yours died, did you feel them leave through the Force?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'N anodded. "Yes, I felt her leave me through the Force and it's a feeling I'll never forget for as long as I live. It broke me for a long while, the more I tried to deny it, the more it haunted me. But, I made it, because I had people who cared about me and helped me through it, just as I'm going to help you."

[Daen C'allyx]

In an instant Daen's mood shifted. His viable eye grew cold and distant in it's gray-green gaze. There were no tears now, nor was there any sign that he had been a broken young man only seconds ago. The change was alarming in it's abruptness.

"What a luxery, to have been able to feel your Master go. To have that last connection."

The padawan's face grew stony, angry in appearance.

"I couldn't feel mine, Quay'Na. I'd spent eight years with him, always able to feel him through our bond. And then they took that away. I couldn't feel him, I couldn't see him. I didn't even know it when he died."

His hands were now balled into fists, so tightly held together that they were growing white.

"The last memory I have of my Master, is his screams."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na sat back on her knees. "I'm sorry, Daen. I had no idea, some deaths are different than others. But, still you must learn to get past it or it'll eat you alive."

[Daen C'allyx]

"How can I get past it when they're still out there!!??"

He panted for breath, an twisted look coming over his scarred face. Daen leaned forward, his voice a mere shadow of the volume it had been seconds before.

"They're still alive. And nobody is doing anything to punish them, nobody cares what they did. Except me. I care."

There was a brightness to his gaze, an angry brightness. Daen swallowed a barrage of angry words, barely managing to control his tone.

"Maybe others forgot, but I didn't. And I don't want to let them get away."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na looked at him. "You're training to become a Jedi, Daen. Jedi don't press for revenge and I believe that is what is going through your mind. You must let it go! Revenge is the Darkside, don't resort to that."

[Daen C'allyx]

Daen stared back, remaining silent for a long stretch.

"I don't want revenge, I want justice. Where is the lawfulness in letting them get away with murder?"

And then for one brief second all facades were dropped and all that was left was a lonely little boy, confused and very sad.

"I thought part of being a Jedi was to protect people. How is letting them go protecting anyone? How?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na had no good answer for that one. She merely shook her head. "I don't know, Daen. Perhaps, if you talked to the council."

[Daen C'allyx]

It wasn't that he didn't like Jedi Councils. It was just that he'd never had any good experiences with them. It seemed to Daen that every time he had left the chambers, he had left them with a bucket and a very small scrubbing brush and been heading to the main corridor.

But why... why hadn't the Council on Almania asked the same questions as he was now? Hadn't they been grieved by the brutal loss of one of their own?

Or was it that he was going insane?

"...I couldn't."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Even thought, Quay wasn't going to around much longer, it wasn't like she could just tell him to take things into his own hands and go after the bastitches that had done this to him.

That wasn't even an option. But, what was? "Have you tried going to the Archives and trying to find some similar cases? That could help and then you could go to the council at least you'd have some references to go by."

[Daen C'allyx]

Daen nodded. Yes, he'd done that already, hoping to find some way to excuse the thoughts that he had been having. Hoping to find a miraculous cure. Hoping to find some false hope, even. Nothing had come of his initial search however.

"I looked."

His stomach was upset from the upheaval.

"I can't go to the Council. They wouldn't understand. They'd tell me I had to get these emotions under control."

A conflicted look crossed the padawans face.

"And then I would have to go against a direct instruction in order to find them and extract justice."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Oh boy, this wasn't turning out too well...

"I wouldn't do that, Daen." But, Quay would now, without a second thought. She had changed, but still she knew her limitations and dared not go past them.

Besides, she was still part of the Order....right now. She looked behind her....Helenias had disappeared off somewhere.

In a lower tone, she looked at him and asked. "What are you planning on doing? Perhaps, I can help."

[Daen C'allyx]

A little surprised, Daen looked up. He studied Quay'Na's face with a puzzled expression, like he didn't believe her. There was no joking in her mannerisms though. With a jolt Daen realized that she was serious.

"...I didn't really have a plan."

Daen admitted slowly. His broad shoulders rose into a shrug.

"I've just been thinking about maybe..."

It was so much harder to say out loud what he wanted to do. And Daen still wasn't entirely sure he could trust this woman. How did he know she wouldn't run off and tell the Council the first chance she got?

Something told him that she wouldn't though.

"Finding them. And then..."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"...killing them. Or perhaps doing something so show, they didn't get the best of you." She finished for him. Quay'Na thought about this for a moment.

A true Jedi, would never think of such a plan, but then again...Quay'Na wasn't a true Jedi anymore. "I come from a family of fighter pilots, if you have a ship."

She was going to help him, it was the only way to get him through this difficult time. The repercussions could be dealt with later...after all she was dating a Darksiding Vampire, whom she wished to marry someday. What was one more thing on her plate for the Council to frown upon?

"Do you have the means of gaining us a ship?" Her tone serious, very serious.

[Daen C'allyx]

Holy freaking hutch!

Daen couldn't stop his mouth from falling open. She was encouraging him! Resembling a gutted fish, he nodded slowly. There was little doubt in his mind that he could convince Sin to come along, and he thought the man had said something about having a ship...

"I think so. But,"

Daen held up a hand.

"I need some time to figure out where they are. I mean, it's on Kiffex but... I need to find out where on Kiffex."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"Never heard of the place, but I'll start doing some checking in the Archives to see whereabout we're going. I'm in, Daen." She never thought in her life she would be up for something like this, but what the heck?

"I'll help you."

[Daen C'allyx]

"Okay."

Never had he imagined that the situation would turn out like this. This was dangerous, and not just physically. If this went through as planned, their futures as Jedi would be rather slim. Even the mere attempt would carry with it severe consequences from the Council.

Having someone else with him made it easier. Daen held out his hand.

"We have to keep this as quiet as possible."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"It will be. You do realize that when we return, this could be the end of your future with the Jedi?" Quay'Na asked as she raised an eyebrow. "My future really doesn't matter too much. And I have one question for you. Would your master, if he were alive approve of you doing this?"

[Daen C'allyx]

"Yes. I know."

Daen knew all right, and it hurt like the Devil. It just didn't hurt bad enough to deter him. The second question brought with it a twinge of anger at Quay'Na, but mostly just guilt. Daen shook his head.

"No, absolutely not. He would have forbidden it, and counciled me. Tried to reason with me until I came to the right conclusion on my own accord."

Then, as if he didn't care, Daen shrugged.

"But he's gone now. I have to make my own decisions, and I've already made this one."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"I'm sorry, I had to bring that up. I just need to make sure you know what we're getting into. It won't be brought up again." She nodded towards him reassuringly. "Now, about that ship..."

[Daen C'allyx]

"I've got a friend. I'm pretty sure I can get him on board."

Daen wondered how much Skaanbult Likker he would have to get before Sin would agree. It didn't matter though. It was worth it.

"I think he has a ship. Either way he'll know how to get us one."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"Very well, Daen." She said as she stood. "Shall I walk you back to your room?" He seemed to be feeling a lot better now.

[Daen C'allyx]

"No. I'd prefer it if you didn't."

His room was his fail-safe. That was the only place Daen could go and feel even partially secure. As much as he and Quay'Na were planning to do together, having her know where he stayed (though it wouldn't have been difficult to discover) was just too much. Too close to his comfort zone.

Daen stood from his seated position, feeling heavy, tired, and old. The feeling was lessened though with the task of planning. It put the padawan back in control over something he so desperately wanted to be in charge of.

"We'll meet, at the end of the week. I'll let you know where, soon as I find out."

Daen turned away quickly to walk back to his quarters. He stopped halfway down the hall and turned, staring at this newfound friend who had so oddly become involved in his life.

"Quay'Na... thank-you."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na nodded in his direction. "Anytime, Daen." How things had changed in the matter of a few minutes. She knew how he felt and wondered had she thought of it, would she have done the same. Sage would've stopped her, undoubtedly so.

But, so many things had changed now, she wasn't the same person she was when she had first come back to the Order and taken under the charge of Sage Hazzard. She still missed him, even though her life was going on without him and perhaps some of her choices were bad or unjust, but who was to say that? She wasn't....