A Pint of Toilet Duck! (open)

[Rum Dinger]

“What sir?”

“Pint of Jedi Toilet Duck, mate.”

The bar man narrowed his eyes in disbelief, to which the customer responded by slamming both hands down on the bar top, leaning up over the counter as he looked directly at the large barrel marked ‘hazardous – do not ingest’.

“If you say so.”

“Lovely jubbely,” Rum Dinger said, rubbing his hands together greedily as he watched the clean pint class was slowly fill to the brim as the liquid, if you could even call it that oozed its way out of its container in great big dollops. Finally, when it had massed enough caustic goo to fill the glass, the barman pushed it quickly away and took the credit chit slapped down in front of him.

Dinger lifted the glass, carefully so not to spill it (laughable as that sounds) and made his way to an empty table, where he began the rare process of downing the drink, with a hot meat sandwich of some sort to help him along.

[Paegxis Pragmaa]

I can't help but gasp as Rum passes my table. A Toilet Duck!? But...but that's supposed to be lethal! It's rumored that it's not even made of things people normally eat or drink. The bartender won't say where the stuff comes from...but an older patron says it comes from the sewers. Still others think it's a mix of all the cleaning agents in the bar, or just a blend of all the gross stuff that's kept hidden in the back of the walk-in freezer.

"Please don't let him die..." I whisper, chewing my lip worriedly.

[Rum Dinger]

Rum was about to put the glass to his lips when he saw a girl staring, wide-eyed, at him.

“Eh, fancy a drink? It’s dead cheap.”

[Paegxis Pragmaa]

"NO!"

My voice squeaks, and the other patrons all turn to see what the fuss is. Embarrassed, I blush bright red and hunch my shoulders.

"Um...I mean, no sir. I heard that just a shot of Toilet Duck can kill Rancors and Krayt Dragons..."

[Rum Dinger]

Rum scoffed, shaking his head, “Y’believe everything y’hear?”

[Paegxis Pragmaa]

"W-well..."

He's right; I took the stories to be true...but who wouldn't? The way people talk and with that grotesque appearance and warning label...

"I..." I choose simply to shut my mouth. I can't think of anything to say back that will help me.

[Rum Dinger]

“What doesn’t kill y’ only makes y’ stronger!”

And with that, Rum lifted the drink and took a long swig. As he set the glass back down, his eyes bulged and he grasped at his throat, hacking and wheezing, and subsequently collapsing out of his chair onto the floor!

[Paegxis Pragmaa]

I can't help but scream. He's dying!

"Someone help him! That stuff's killing him!"

I wring my hands and chew worriedly on my lower lip. Oh, I knew it would happen this way! I just wish I could help him!

"Don't die..."

[Vargo the Hutt]

"BO HO HO HO HO HO!"

From the doorway, an unmistakeable laugh fills the Bar & Grill.

"Ya chumba nai keecha wan boska Tolet Duk Jeedai."

(Another fool braggart trying to drink a Jedi Toilet Duck)

A group of attendants entered before His Greatness, Vargo the Hutt, and began clearing the area around the front door. Seeing as the bloated figurehead held no weapons other than an offensive smell, the door guards stepped well away from the enormous Hutt as he negotiated the entrance of the Bar & Grill, his blubbery hide squeezing flush against both sides of the door as his thick tail propelled him onward. With some work, Vargo pressed through, moving towards a now-assembled area for him to rest. His huge mass undulated forward with a sloosh-sloosh sound, tons of blubbery mass propelled in a slow, wave-like locomotion. The sights and smells of the establishment assailed the Great Hutt, and he licked his massive chops in approval.

"Un bossa jeesu naj."

(Let me show you how it's done)

A Weequay lackey approached front and center, with a mug full of the infamous elixir. Another servant procured a dish full of live chuba, creatures similar to frogs. A ribbon of saliva running thickly from his lower lip, Vargo snatched up a chuba with a hammy fist, and devoured it whole. Licking away the creature's essence from his chops, he promptly seized another. However, this chuba's fate was to be much worse.

With another guttural laugh, Vargo held the chuba by its long hind legs, and dunked the animal into the mug of toilet duck. The chuba croaked and struggled violently, but the power of the Toilet Duck began to work its magic, and the Chuba started to dissolve. Vargo licked at his mouth hungrily, as he dunked the dying Chuba in again, and again, and again, until there were only a pair of half-corroded legs. Dropping those down into the drink, the Hutt snatched the mug upwards, tilting the contents down into his gaping maw. His tongue snaked out, drawing the last of the vile concoction down his throat, before Vargo gulped the brew down.

"Uska bo janko ba seecha na!"

(Never send a human to do a Hutt's job)

Vargo chased his words with another Chuba, grinding this one between his ponderous jaws, so that the creature's innards offset the burning remnants of the drink he just consumed.

[Rum Dinger]

Still griping his throat, Rum suddenly froze, and looked up.

“No one gonna help me then?” he said, with a grin, before sitting up and looking at the Hutt, throwing the girl a brief glance.

“There’s a … man,” he hazarded, as he got to his feet, “after me own heart.

“What’re y’ eating there, mate? Toss ‘s one over!”

[Paegxis Pragmaa]

"NO!"

My voice squeaks, and I'm certain that I've turned a sickly pale white. Eat one of those?

"It's still alive! How could you eat it? And...and...how did that Hutt not get knocked out by the Toilet Duck!?"

If there's ever been a time when my sheltered lifestyle has been apparent, now would be it. It's so obvious that I've not been around the block even once, as the saying goes...

[Jestin]

Jestin floated airly behind Paegxis. "He's a fat one, isn't he?" Jestin whispered in her ear.

Jestin put a hand over his mouth and giggled. "I saw you come in, so I figured I'd check to see how you were doing."

Last Jestin had seen of Paegxis, he had helped to lift her spirts by lifting her to the top of a skyscraper to enjoy the view.

[Tiesen]

His brother Tiesen is there too, but he's decided to pester the Hutt. He stands on a barstool, leaning up over the Hutt's head on his tip-toes and stands waving his arms about the Hutt's head and face.

"I'm not touching you I'm not touching you I'm not touching you...you can't do anything to me!"

[Ace Shipbuster]

Ace walked in just before the Hutt and watched, with some amusement, Rum's antics.

He then proceeded to sit down at the bar and ordered a Corellian whiskey.

His long jacket hung over the edge of the stool as he downed the liquor.

"Good stuff," he muttered putting the shot glass back onto the bar.

Ace took a look over at Rum and called out, "Enjoying your Toilet Duck, friend?"

He turned to the bartended and smriked, give me a pint of that will ya'?"

The bar keep just shook his head in dismay as he handed over the glass. "What's wrong with these people?" he muttered helping another customer.

Ace eyed the drink and chugged it in a fashion that would make any alcoholic proud.

[Paegxis Pragmaa]

I glower at the Hutt, Rum, and Ace, feeling I've been made a fool of. Which I have. The brother's antics are doing nothing to soothe my bad feelings this time.

"They played me for a fool!"

My voice sounds almost like a whine. Now I'm childish. And this is just icing on the angry, frustrated, confused emotion cake.

[General Tohmahawk]

There were some d-u-m-b people in this Galaxy. Willingly drinking somethign that would kill or mutate you willingly was up there in the stupidity stakes. He sighed at the people next to him, getting wasted or just beign a waste.

Again, he sighed. What a suck <smallfont color={hovercolor}>-Censored-</smallfont> Galaxy. A waiter came past with a tray of something that sizzled.

The General saw it was in a frying pan.

He paused, remembering somethign a Jedi did here a long time ago.

A manic and frankly evil grin crossed his face and witht he speed of a snake, he whipped the fring pan off the tray and in one beautiful swivel and overhead strike, smashed the hot pan and it's contents svagely onto Rum Digger's head.

CLANG!!!!!

"Wooo... Now I see why that damn Jedi liked these things so much... " The General commented, starign in awe at the massive dent in it's base. Shaped roughly like Rum's head.

[Ace Shipbuster]

Ace shot up from the barstool and over to Rum. He was fast for a such a big guy.

"Hey now! What the hell was that all about?!" Ace exclaimed, trying to help Rum to his feet.

"And don't try hitting me with that pan. Trust me, you won't get the desired effect."

The lumbering Zabrak lifted Rum up and helped him stand.

[Jestin]

Jestin clapped his hands and laughed when Tohmahawk hit Rum with the frying pan. "That's gotta burn! Jestin said so only Paegxis could hear.

"Don't get so upset," Jestin said when his laughter died down. "They're not really making a fool out of you. More like making a fool of themselves."

Jestin kept the Toilet Duck in mind though. If Toilet Duck could mess up pure idiots, he wondered what other people might act like if they had some. Might be fun to watch.