Young Mother (open)

[Lillian Snow]

Lillian has made her first appearance in the Bar and Grill in months. She has made a fine recovery from Titian's birth and carries him tightly in her arms. She doesn't want to drop him, but at the same time, she wants nothing to do with him. The little boy is a product of his torture! The sight of the infant's face brings his to mind, and Lillian cringes slightly as she sits down and adjusts Titian in her arms.

"Little boy...what will I do with you?"

He smiles back at her and blows a spit bubble.

[Jezreal Darkshard]

Jezreal watched a woman enter the B&G while carrying a baby, Jez got up from her table and walked over to Lillian "hello miss" she said with a smile "that a lovely baby you have there miss

Would you mind if I joined you?" Jez asked to woman.

[Lillian Snow]

Lillian holds Titian closer to her, nodding for Jezreal to sit down.

"He's only a week old," Lillian comments. "He's very quiet, and hardly cries at all."

[Jezreal Darkshard]

"thats a good thing" Jez said as she sat down "I always liked playing with my little brother when I was younger" She said with a smiled "I'm Jezreal Darkshard."

[Lillian Snow]

"Lillian Snow," responds the Padawan girl politely. "And this is my son, Titian."

The baby kicks a little, eyes roving about for something bright to look at. Finding nothing, Titian shuts his eyes, and Lillian shifts him to keep the light away from them.

"Quiet as he is, he doesn't sleep much. I lose alot of sleep just trying to get him to shut his eyes. He likes looking at bright objects, red especially."

[Jezreal Darkshard]

Jezreal watched the baby "He might just like looking at his suroundings" She said with a smile "are you a jedi Lillian?"

[Helenias Evenstar]

Food raid!

Damn it, more cravings. This time it was frelling raw egg yolk. Absolutly disgusting, but at the same time, I was being compelled by some irresitable force. Yoghurt's Bar and Grill staff had experience with the wild food stuffs and had plenty on hand for whatever wildness took hold.

Not wise to upset a Jedi Knight like me. And even more an overly emotional pregnant one. I heard one staffer had to go into therapy after the screaming fest I had when denied alcohol. Hell, I wasn't even drunk! Since when was a baby going to stop one from a tipple?

In I came, six months gone, three to go and wanting egg yolk. Raw. Gross.

"Gimme a..... ohhhh, is that your baby?" I cooed, seeing the young girl with the baby in her arms. I didn't miss that she was not that old, a teenager it seemed. Six months ago, I disliked children. Funny how things changed.

[Lillian Snow]

"Yes ma'am," Lillian replies to Jezreal as Helenias asks her own question. The girl giggles nervously and adjusts Titian so that his eyes and ears are covered. The boy has taken a rare nap, and she wants him to sleep. "Yes to both questions," she says with a smile.

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Oh, how beautiful! I've only got three months to go before I give birth too..."

Dont ask about the father

Sometimes The Force could prompt you to say something. Or, not say it. Somehow I had the feeling normal questions would be very unwelcome. So, I stayed on safe ground.

"How old and what's it's name?

[Jezreal Darkshard]

Jezreal looked at the odd woman who had just entered the B&G "shh, He's asleep" the sithling said in a wisper to the woman.

[Lillian Snow]

"It's fine...he'll sleep quite soundly so long as no one is shouting," she says quickly to Jezreal. Ms. Evenstar is one of the few Jedi Lillian has studied, and the girl is very impressed with her strength of will. "He's only a week old, and his name is Titian."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Oh, dont worry, I wont be shouting. Only a week old? You have done well to recover in that short a time. Is he letting you sleep?"

[Lillian Snow]

"I don't understand the quick recovery...it's not like me at all. Titian seems eager to counterbalance it though...he keeps me up very late, and I haven't had time even to meditate on the Force."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Maybe it's a Jedi thing. Not much is known of Jedi bearing children, so what happens to us is very much wait and see. If Jedi do recover fast, I will be grateful. Tell me, do you wish for help? I can arrange it if you wish"

[Lillian Snow]

Help with Titian? A nanny to care for the boy, like she had growing up? Yes, it would be marvelous! Lillian could do her training and never have to see his child...

"Thank you, Miss Evenstar..."

She frowns, looking down on the boy snuggling against her. She hates how Titian reminds her of Armaiil, but...she couldn't leave the boy like that. It would be just as heartless as him...

"...but I will manage on my own."

[Helenias Evenstar]

I stared at Lilian, not wishing to pry, but something in her attitude caught my attention. Something was wrong.

This would surely have to be difficult for her to adjust to. Someone so young to have a child... but .... I dont feel that is all.

"It's not weakness to ask for help Lillian. And I dont just mean help in looking after the baby"

I bent my knees to bring myself eye level with the girl, grey eyes starign at her's. Seeming to try and see what was behind in her mind.

"I also meant help for you" I said quietly, so none other could overhear. "Whatever happened, you dont have to face it alone. You dont have to face bringing the baby up alone"

[Lillian Snow]

Titian's little hand takes a handfull of her shirt, and Lillian looks back to him. She's hardly cut out to be a mother, and Logic's no father...Helenias is right, she will be needing more help than she'd like to admit.

"But I'm afraid I'll neglect Titian and leave him to the help...I don't want to be a bad mother to him..."

The boy's eyes blink open for a moment, and Lillian sees the eyes he inherited from his father before they settle shut again. She bites her lip, refusing to voice her next thought.

...even though I hate him...

[Jezreal Darkshard]

Jezreal looked from the Helenias to Lillian to Titian "asking for help once in a while dosnt make you a bad mother" She said to Lillian "and I think you could use the help."

[Helenias Evenstar]

I could read faces well. It came from my time in ther Imperial service and it was gaining practice in the poison pit of the Senate, where the corrupt would do anything to hide their real motive. The power to pick emotions was mine as well and that had become more acute as I grew as a Jedi. Lillian Snow was a young woman with a problem she was struggling to deal with.

"I dont know this for myself, not yet, but I hear all mothers have the same doubts, Lillian. No matter how they come to us, the care and nurture of children is the greatest thing we can do - yet it is fraught with problems, traps and pitfalls. Whatever you think and feel right now, I will not condemn or blame"

What was going on here? There are some strong emotions to untangle, I feel

[Lillian Snow]

"I'm just worried that if someone agrees to help with Titian, that I'll just abandon him to whoever helps...that's not how things should be."

[Helenias Evenstar]

Hmmm.

"Why would a mother do something like that?"

[Lillian Snow]

"Maybe she'd be scared..." Lilllian ventures quietly, biting her lip. "She'd be afraid of doing something bad to the child, or be afraid of what might happen simply because she has a little boy to take care of."

[Nequa Galos]

A rather exotic looking stranger walks up to the group with a very slight whine of servo motors coming from the armor he's wearing.

"This wouldn't be by chance the little girl by the name of Lillian I saved from a bunch of sith apprentice would it?"

[Lillian Snow]

"...maybe..."

Lillian shifts away, holding Titian so that Nequa can see him. She doesn't recall him at all, having been unconcious during his efforts all those months ago, and she doesn't quite trust him. By letting him see the baby, she hopes it will gain her some protection...surely he wouldn't hurt a newborn child...

[Nequa Galos]

"There's no need to be afraid. I've sworn my life to the protection of the innocent long before you were old enough to walk. You can talk to Master Belargic if you don't trust me" Nequa says as he squats down to appear less imposing. "That is a beautiful baby you have there."

Finally noticing the other women that she was talking to, Nequa says, "Forgive me ladies. I saw this young lady and had to satisfy my curiosity. My name is Nequa Galos, kajik-in-exile. May I have the honor of hearing your names?"

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Who... or what the hell are you?" I demanded.

[Lillian Snow]

Lillian speaks up a bit.

"My guardian says he's either a lizard or a droid..."

[Nequa Galos]

"Logic was not to far off in his guess. The droid part comes from the fact that I wear power armor, which is currently what I have on. And yes I am a lizard of sorts. My species is actually refered to as Kalithorian. I guess the best description of our physical abilities is that of a half-dragon from you societies ancient fantasy texts. Being as I've just been accepted as a padawan, you will be able to ask more questions later if you so choose." Nequa says as he stands up to his full 10.5 ft height.

"Pardon me ladies, I must get a bite to eat before I go and finish transfering my personal effects to my room. May the force be with all of you." As Nequa walks towards the bar, he gives Jezreal a cold, calculating look as if he knew what she was trying to hide.

[Jezreal Darkshard]

Jezreal watched the thing walk away while looking at her as if it knew who she was "that is a rather strange person" She said to Lillian and Helenias.

[Lillian Snow]

"Logic doesn't like him," Lillian says, referencing her guardian droid. "He says he's glad I was unconcious when he was around."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"I'm not sure I like... it either" I stated.

[Lillian Snow]

Lillian just shrugs, nudging Titian awake by accident. The baby sneezes and looks around, probably trying to find something red to look at.

"Oh..." Lillian whines, "Go back to sleep! Please!"

[Helenias Evenstar]

With a sinking heart, I watched Lillian try to make her baby go back to sleep. She was pleading almost. It couldn't work.

"No" I said. "Dont. Whatever your feelings towards the child, there is only one way to really make a baby sleep - make it feel protected and content. Or that's what I've read" I ended. "Do you mind if I try?"

[Lillian Snow]

Titian burbles as he moves almost too quickly from Lillian to Helenias. He blinks at the new face, looking over what he can see, before making a loud noise...sort of "who are you?" in baby babble. Lillian shrinks at the sound, casting a pleading look to Helenias.

[Jezreal Darkshard]

Jezreal watched the baby with bright eyes "He's such a pretty baby" She said as he leaned a little closer "such a wonderful thing babys are, I loved playing with my brother when he was little."

[Helenias Evenstar]

I took the baby, feeling rather odd and awkward as I did. It reminded me forcably just how close I was to the same situation, not looking after someone elses, but my own. Two years ago I had unwillingly fostered Jax - it had been the months following I had learned much about quieting a reluctant infant.

It never occured to me how beautiful children were, until Jax. For my life, I had been a maiden of war, a fighter. It never occured to me how difficult children really could be, how it was a challenge I knew even hardened warriors would shirk and fail. Titan was only tiny, as per normal for such a young child.

"Ahhh, yes he is beautiful. He is a lovely child. Now.... sleep, you are safe and warm"

In my mind, I projected feelings of peace and calm, of love and warmth. I knew Jax had responded positively to this, as even my own unborn did. even as I did so, I felt some insight come to mind. Not really knowing what it meant, I decided to take a punt.

"Lillian, whatever the past was, you can't change it. No matter what terrors and erros there are, you can't erase them. Even if it hurts badly, if you lock those feelings away, it will rot your core and leave you an empty shell, without hope or future. Past deeds are done - be they for good or evil. Titan is not of your past - he has no past. He is Future. You have to move forward. For good or ill, you are his mother and you cant regret that forever. Understand that what what has been wrought inside you does not belong to anything but you. This child was fiercely and wonderfully made and even our great science can't understand how"

"This baby will need you. You can be a good mother - dont regret the past or hate it. As I said, the past is over. Titan has a future and it's up to you to help shape it. I hope you can understand why I say this and what it really means"

Although, I didn't really have much of a clue myself. It was a Force led fishing trip. But somehow, I felt it was very relavent.

[Lillian Snow]

Titian smiles and buries his face on Helenias, listening to her heart and the words she speaks to his mother.

Lillian feels relieved when she sees Titian become still, but Helenias' words make a wave of shame overcome it. The older woman is right, of course. Lillian spends too much time fretting over what's behind her. She knows it, and has known it for the longest time. She doesn't have an answer for Helenias. Lillian knows she must take the Knight's advice.

"C-can I have him back? He's sleeping, and I should probably take him home...he'll be hungry when he wakes up."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Certainly. Will you be allright?" I asked, with some real concern.

[Lillian Snow]

"I'll be fine..." Lillian answers as she takes her son. She sighs, and corrects herself a few seconds later. "No, I don't think I will be. I will try not to rely on others though...I will learn to do things for myself."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"It's good to learn, but remember, not always will you be able to. I will be here for you if you wish."

[Lillian Snow]

"Thank you, Miss Evenstar....but aren't you going to be busy with a child of your own soon?"

[Helenias Evenstar]

"I'm a Senator, Lillian" I said, smiling slightly. "My position means I can get any amount of help for either myself or anyone I request for. If you need help, come to me"

I thought about the idea for a moment, then leant forward, making sure my words could only be heard by Lillian.

"If you can't get me for whatever reason... or you need, maybe protection or feel the need for revenge, go to a bar named Dexter's Diner. There should be a man named Strider there. He will be more than willing to give you anything you want, if you say I sent you"

Including any dirty work I added mentally.

[Lillian Snow]

Lillian nods.

"Okay...I'll do that. Thank you again."

She bows slightly and walks out, turning over Helenias' last words in her mind.

[Jezreal Darkshard]

Jezreal thought it was weird that she was sitting here with two Jedi, It just seemed wrong that a sith like her should me sitting at the same table as Jedi

She watched Lillian get up and go out I wonder if they know I'm a sith She thought to herself But then again they might have thought I was jsut another person

She didn't know if She wanted to get up and leave also but something about Helen made her want to stay a bit longer.