Christmas in October (Loki)

[Sejah Haversh]

Within the last month, Sejah had learned more about biomechanical programming than he ever thought he would. His walking frame, which he was still confined to, has started off as very restrictive, and only offered a few basic movements. Though through hard work and frustration, he had enhanced its programming to cover a few slighter movements, and made himself feel more natural. Of course, he still looked like something out of a Sci-Fi flick walking down the hallways in a cumbersome exterior frame of metal and plastic around his legs and torso.

The stares had been common at first, but with time the others at the Order understood why he was wearing it, and soon life returned to normal for Sejah, or at least as normal as it could be without functioning legs. He had grown more detached from his friends ever since the coma, and often holed himself up in his room, practicing his reading or watching television. The mongoose was lonesome, but couldn’t find the courage to even leave his quarters at all some days. All the joy he should feel for being alive still, and having won the most prestigious fighting tournament on his world was nowhere to be found. Instead only a case of the doldrums hung over his furry head.

It was on such a day that Sejah decided to look through his calendar from home and compare his kind’s method of dating against that of the rest of the universe. Their days had different names, and even a different number of hours, though it all added up the same. His thumb idly flipped through the days on the calendar until he paused to look at the writing on one of them.

Alo Kahash: The Day of Creation.

It was one of the most important Holy days on Nehantish, if not the most important. For nearly twenty thousand years, his race had been celebrating the anniversary of their creation. For Garfife was bored with his other creations, he made a race derived from an animal he found amusing, but left them imperfect, not as smart as other races, and prone to odd vices. For the sake of expedience, he made several males and females to start with instead of only one pair, and they all were created with the innate ability to read and write their own developed language.

And, through time, they served Garfife’s purpose well, engaging in silly events, and often bungling through situations. They were his entertainment, though the Creator was always careful that he protected them as well, and was never so distant that he could not hear their praises and wants. Though some doubted the creation, it was firmly entrenched in most Nehantites hearts and minds that it was true, and to celebrate their being given life, on that day the populace would trade gifts and favors with family and friends to show good will and love for each other. Some had likened it to another holiday known as Christmas, but beyond the gift-giving, there were few similarities.

Now Sejah looked at the date, and remembered that it was that day. He had become so wrapped up in his depression that he had completely forgotten about it, and he sighed deeply before tossing the calendar aside and forcing the frame to a stand from his seat on his bed. In the third drawer of his dresser lay a box, and it had been there for several months, waiting for that very day. Pulling it out, he glanced at the handwriting on the small card and grimaced. Removing it, he found a pen and a new piece of suitable paper and wrote the message anew, his penmanship markedly improved.

Satisfied with it, he picked up the gaily wrapped box and headed for his door. Deep inside, he could feel his mood starting to change for the better, and a small smile started to grace his muzzle.

After much clomping around, and a short turbolift ride, Sejah arrived at a blank living quarters door. Giving the bell a quick push, he straightened his shirt and hid the box behind his back. It was Loki’s room, and the brown mongoose only hoped his young friend was home.

[Loki Ahmrah]

There’s a knock at my door. I’m telling myself this because I need to wake up and I need to wake up because I’m asleep. Yes, it’s early afternoon and yes, I should be doing one of the many things a padawan learner is expected to do. But not today. This little piggy is not going to Market but is instead staying at home and catching up on some much needed sleep. It was a nasty habit I have fallen into and not of my own desire either; a good night’s sleep is quickly becoming a luxury for Loki Ahmrah. Look at me, lying there all tuckered out. Cute, aren’t I?

Each day of late is bringing with it the overbearing reality that regardless of how many people you surround yourself with, like-minded or not, it’s still very easy to be alone. That’s how I feel right now, well not right now as I’m asleep but you get the idea. This is the Greater Jedi Order not the Greater Jedi Family and Friends. Incidently, there’s precious little I’m currently finding Great about it, let alone Greater. Greater than what, I ask; Greater than carelessly playing smashball with some friends? Greater than sitting around the table with mom and dad? Greater than love and friendship?

The Code informs us that there is no emotion, only peace. I miss my parents and my family yet apparently that is wrong for a Jedi. My insides are bubbling with frustration and when I’m awake my head buzzes with questions. Sometimes I can’t help but have my doubts about my future here and about the person I may become should I stay. My trip to Nehantish with Sejah brought many of these questions to the surface; the whole experience had taken a toll on me and as time had passed and the heat was turned up one notch at a time, I’d found all my fears and doubts had revealed themselves. It had been like a smelting process and all that was left by the end of it was me. Just me.

Sejah was alone too. Speaking of friendship, I can’t say I’ve been there for him as much as I had been when we were stuck on his homeworld. What kind of friend does that make me, I wonder. If we hadn’t been trapped on that God-forsaken planet would my loyalty and support be as dedicated as it had been? Maybe so. Even the most simple of things had become like cracking an Imperial code; things such as talking with a friend, things as simple as just being there and listening. This brings me back to the whole waking process. WAKE UP AND ANSWER THE FRELLING DOOR!

The door slides open without a sound; Sejah is stood there in all his biomechanical unglory and Loki steps aside to allow him inside. His smile is thin and weary, he rubs his tired eyes.

”Hi Sejah. Please, come in.”

[Sejah Haversh]

It was obvious that Loki had been taking a nap, and Sejah fought back the temptation to unruffle the boy's errant "bed hair".

"Hello, Loki, I hope this wasn't a bad time," the mongoose said, letting his frame carry him inside where he took a mechanical seat on an empty chair. There had been a visible change in Loki's behaviour lately, and it was even evident in the shape of his room. Normally neat and tidy, it was now a little unkempt, and looking like that of a college student. But, Sejah was not one to criticize a room's appearance, for his looked far worse.

"Well, um, sorry I didn't set this up a little better, but, time in my head has been a little fuzzy, so it's a miracle I didn't forget it entirely," he started to explain, then cut to the chase. Extending the wrapped box to Loki, Sejah smiled and said, "Happy Alo Kahash, Loki. It's a holidy on Nehantish where we celebrate what we have been given by giving gifts to our friends. I don't know if I told you about it before."

The box was similar to a showbox, though a little longer, and not as heavy. If it was shaken, a gentle thump could be heard, but a good friend doesn't shake a gift in front of the giver.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around too much. I've not really been much of myself lately. you know. And, thanks for coming to visit me in the hospital all those times, it really meant a lot to me."

[Loki Ahmrah]

"If you thank me for that one more time I'm going to shave 'Kiss Me Quick!' into your back!" Loki threw Sejah an amused sideways glance. He looked down at the carefully wrapped box and resisted the urge to shake it. He frowned slightly and looked up to meet his friend's expectant face. "You should've told me about Alo Kahash sooner, I'd have you a present ready and--"

He fell silent and stared at the tag on his present. "Heeey, wait a minute, did you write this? Awesome. You're coming along in leaps and bounds, Sej, spellings perfect and everything."

Taking a seat next to his friend, Loki slowly unwrapped his present, not being one to enjoying tearing the paper to shreds in the process.

[Sejah Haversh]

Asll Sejah could do was give an embarassed smile as Loki congratulated his penmanship. If nothing else, his time in the frame had gotten him to read more, and work on his handwriting.

"I hope you like it. I've had it for a little while now, but, I was waiting for today to give it to you," Sejah explained as the wrapping came off of the box.

It was a wooden box, finely tooled near the edges, and inlaid with gold leafing. It wasn't an antique by any means, but a modern reproduction of a classic piece. Even by itself, it was a handsome item, but the true gift lay beneath its hinged lid.

Surrounded in a custom-molded lining covered with green satin lay a kris dagger of beautiful design. The wooden scabbard was exotic hardwood, and polished to a near mirror shine, most of its length coated in a sheath of tooled brass. The handle was bent, just like all kris handles in a near pistol grip, and was even more ornately carved than even the scabbard. If drawn, the paw-forged blade would ripple with a lazy five-wave pattern, and the light would dance upon its patination of high and low carbon steels. It was truly a fine blade, finer than his own, in fact; one worthy of a noble or display in a museum.

Though he could explain it, Sejah thought it best to let Loki observe it first.

[Loki Ahmrah]

Loki sat in silent awe for a while and turned the ornate box in his hands, he lifted it up and tilted his head, turned it sideways and hunched his shoulders and systematically he managed to see the entire kris dagger without actually having to touch it. He daren't for he was aware, after having spent a great deal of time watching these weapons in action, that this particular weapon was very precious. After a while, he rested the open box in his lap and spoke, his eyes still on the dagger.

"Sejah, it's exquisite." His fingers carressed the satin interior. Loki looked up at his friend. "You didn't have to give me something like this, it's-- wow!"

He gasped with a half laugh. He glanced at the gift again and shook his head in disbelief. Slowly but surely, the guilt was settling, slithering like a slippery serpent down his throat and into his stomach leaving a vile taste in his mouth; not only did Loki not have a present for Sejah but he hadn't been there for him as much as he could have during the Nehantite's time of difficulty. He was shaking his head again.

"Sejah, thank you." He closed the lid on the box. "But I don't think I deserve this, buddy."

[Sejah Haversh]

"You know, it's not really up to you to decide that, Loki," Sejah replied.

"That kris was forged by hand in one of the finer smithy shops on Nehantish. The scabbard is a rare hardwood that actually comes from nearly the other side of the world from where we were, and the brass was tooled there as well. The handle, though, is from a much older piece, dating back three hundred years, I believe. I know it's not really a practical gift, but, it's the only thing I could think of," Sejah said, then rubbed the back of his neck, the nervous feeling in the room spreading to himself.

"It, um, should be made to your size. Well, your size when you grow up, that is. I had to guess a little, so I might be wrong, though. You humans don't use the same age and measurement systems we do for stuff like that."

[Loki Ahmrah]

"It looks about the right size." Loki commented, reopening the box. He was looking at the handle, finding it hard to believe that it was over three hundred years old. "For being so old it's in excellent condition, the handle that is."

Inside Loki was angry that Sejah had said it wasn't up to him to decide whether or not he deserved something. I should know better than anybody. Sejah didn't understand what he was thinking and how he felt, now that he thought of it, Loki didn't understand it either. He was lost for words around Sejah; what do you say to the most unlucky guy in the world?

"Sejah, you know--" he cut himself off and looked out the window. It was nice day. He'd not noticed. "Can we take a walk or something? It's just too close in here. Feel up to it?"

[Sejah Haversh]

Inwardly Sejah rejoiced for the opportunity to change scenery. Somehow the room had grown oppressive, and he toggled his control stick forward to stand up. "Sure, I've got an eight mile range on a full charge with these, so, yeah I'm up for it, you could say."

Something was wrong, and he knew it. But things between himself and Loki had somehow fallen apart since their trip to Nehantish. At first Sejah had blamed it on what happened to him at the Rho'istaan, and then for being out of comission so long in his coma. But now he was wondering if it wasn't simply his being out of touch, but maybe something more. Had he done something to offend Loki? Had he been wrong to take the boy with him to Nehantish? The mongoose was confused, and tried not to think about those things.

Instead he opened the door and maneuvered his frame outside. He would let Loki decide where they were going to go. After all, it had been Loki's idea to go outside.

[Loki Ahmrah]

From his room, Loki made for the turbolifts which would take them two levels down to the ground floor and had he thought it through he would've opted for the stairs as opposed to a difficult turbolift trip filled with awkward silences. Silences between Sejah and himself had never been awkward before, they both had always been very relaxed in each others company but both had experienced, in vastly different ways, things which can change one's whole perspective on others and themselves. Perhaps a good talk with his mongoose friend will help the fog to lift.

"I'd forgotten what a sunny day looked like." Loki said, bringing his hand to shield his eyes from the brilliant glare of the afternoon sun. the last truly sunny day he'd had the time to enjoy had been back on Nehantish, again with Sejah. Since that trip however, he'd rather lost his liking for the sun and sand. They lumbered down the stairs together, the wide, open avenue stretched out before them was littered with plots of grass, water fountains and men and women fitted in their Jedi attire. "Things have been hectic around here, haven't they? Since we got back, I mean. Master Hicchoru has had me working really hard, there's been so much catching up to do. Are things starting to pan out for you now, on the whole master front?"

[Sejah Haversh]

It was trickier than it looked to walk up and down stairs with his frame, but Sejah managed. In the months he had been in it, he had downloaded several mauneuverability patches and upgrades, and almost had the contraption to a decent level of competancy.

It was good to be outside, he had to admit. If there was one thing sejah could not deprive himself of, it was the outdoors,a nd the memory that he was not always cooped up in his apartment.

"Oh, well, it's going okay," the mongoose replied to Loki. "This thing hasn't helped any for the physical part, but, Master D'an and I have been working on more of a mental aspect, but, it has been kind of slow. Good to hear you're coming along well. Master Hicchoru and I haven't spoken much since what happened on Nehantish, though."

[Loki Ahmrah]

"Neither have we, really." Loki chimed in with unabashed honesty. Their walk lead them away from the temple and brought them to the gardens which immediate surround the temple grounds. Here it was peaceful and pleasant. Instead of pursuing his current topic of discussion, Loki went off on a tangent. "I've hardly ever spoken with Master D'an although I hear a great deal of positive things about him. Definately a step in the right direction for you, I just hope your condition can improve as quickly."

The talk between the two padawans continued in a similar vein for a while after that, the tension had eased off somewhat and the ice was broken at last. Loki was feeling ready to move onto what he really wanted to talk about, questions and thoughts whirled about in his head and he wanted to present them to his friend delicately and coherently. The last thing he wanted to do was say something with the potential to make Sejah upset or angry.

"Sej, I want to talk about our trip to Nehantish." Loki stopped, he wasn't shy or awkward about this anymore, it wouldn't help matters and he knew it. He took a seat on the edge of a large water fountain and looked up, his nose wrinkled by his squinting eyes. "As long as you don't mind though. First of all, I just want to know how you're doing. After all, you have been through a lot."

[Sejah Haversh]

Taking a seat next to Loki, Sejah sighed as the pressure was taken off his legs.

"I was wondering when you were going to want to talk about that," Sejah replied in a very normal tone. "You seemed to distance yourself from me after the whole Rho'istaan thing, so, I didn't want to pressure you. As far as how I'm doing, well, I guess I'm okay."

The mongoose paused to scratch the back of his neck, an unconscious sign that he was searchign for the right words. "Loki, I'm sorry you had to see all that you did on Nehantish. I didn't mean for it to be like that, and, I hope you're okay. I didn't tell you back then, but, two days before we arrived, my mother died. Rej told me about it that night at the school. I never got to say goodbye to her, Loki. When I left home to come here the first time, I couldn't tell her where I had gone until a few months later. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to spoil your fun. And, it was fun at first, wasn't it?" He broke a smile, remembering their day in the park, and showing Loki around the city, and the look on the boy's face when he saw the grand baths at their hotel. There were many memorable moments he would treasure, but the painful ones outweighed them.

His mood turning more somber, he returned to Loki's original question, "But. I'm okay, now. The doctors don't think I'll ever walk again, but, I'm getting used to it. I'm rich. Don't know if I told you that. Even though my family name is trashed, and I'll be killed on sight if I ever return to Nehantish, several companies have paid me pretty good for photo shoots and product endorsements. Got a ll kinds of sportign clothes, and bunches of famous swordsmith shops all wanting to give me new blades if I do some exhibition matches with them and praise their works. I said no to those, though. As a Jedi, I'm doing alright. Still not nearly as far along as you are, but I'm getting there, I guess."

[Loki Ahmrah]

Despite all the good news Sejah was sharing; his newfound wealth and product endorsment deals and his car, fame and new master - the one image which was fixed in Loki's head was that of Sejah proudly sporting some sort of fencing attire covered in sports logos and wielding with the latest model of sword while his legs were encased in the metal contraption he would have to wear for the rest of his life. The thought that Sejah might never be able to walk properly again was heartbreaking; Loki had seen him in his prime at the Rho'istaan Tournament, he had witnessed first hand Sejah's now legendary skill with a bladed weapon and had, like thousands of others, been left in awe of his blinding speed and agility on his feet. How his mongoose friend could remember how to smile was a mystery.

"The thing is Sejah, after all that has happened, I guess I just don't know how to talk to you." Loki was staring at his feet evident difficulty in his voice. He was embarrassed by his revelation but he didn't want to keep his friend in the dark anymore. "I mean what do you say to someone who has suffered all that you have? What can you say?"

He looked up now and met Sejah's eye with his own which, while still only eleven years old, were void of innocence and were instead aged with experience. There was confusion in those eyes nevertheless as they narrowed in scrutiny. "What can you say to someone in your position without spewing the same old, patronising tripe?"

Pulling his gaze away from his friend's equally curious face, Loki stared into the pool of water from the foutain and swirled a finger in it, contemplating. "I've wanted to be there for you but I'm beginning to realise there's so much that I don't understand. A bit of a rude awakening really but at the same time. There's all kinds of things swimming around up here--"

An index finger came to his head. "--And I just don't know what to make of it all."

[Sejah Haversh]

"Suffered all that I have?" Sejah asked, a litle confused. "Listen, Loki, it happened. There's nothing anybody can do to change it, and I'm still alive, okay? Let me be the one to worry about dealing with it, okay little buddy?"

He wrapped an arm around Loki's shoulder and tried to smile. Even though he had gone into a few deep fits of depression, Sejah har tried to remain his normal self. "Loki," he said in a comforting voice, "I don't talk to you because I need sympathy or comforting, I hang around with you because you're my friend, and I respect you. For a little while, at least, can we forget what all happened and just go back to being friends and hanging out?"

Leaving his paw on the boy's shoulder, he comtinued, "And if there are things you don't understand, just ask me. You know I'll tell you the truth. Gar, I showed you the great baths back at the hotel, remember, you think I would have done that for anybody I didn't completely trust?"

What Sejah didn't tell Loki was that about a week later, a few photos from that incident had shown up in the papers, with the indecent parts censored, of course, but there was still a second photographer that Sejah didn't know about.

[Loki Ahmrah]

"You're right." Loki said, nodding as he stared dreamily off into the distance. He wish he'd had this conversation with Sejah earlier, it was so easy again, no discomfort at all and for the first time in a while he started to feel relaxed. "I'm glad we can just leave the past behind us and carry on. Since returning from Nehantish I kinda iscolated myself from the other padawans and festered in my room doing nothing."

In his hand was one of his agedan crystals, absent-mindedly he threw it into the and caught it. He was thinking of his lessons with Anbira over the last several weeks; everything his master was telling him seemed to have no impact upon him, there was always wisdom in his words and a great deal of logic but of late, Loki found his master's teachings to be in conflict with his own thoughts. This he explained to Sejah.

"I dunno really, it's not that I agree any less with the ways of the Jedi but don't you sometimes find the things masters saying to be a little cryptic? Lacking in pragmatism - old fashioned?"

[Sejah Haversh]

Sejah patted Loki's shoulder and replied, "Loki, I think I'm the wrong person to tell that to. You know my luck with masters, after all. Until Figrin, I had a hard enough time just getting them to talk to me at all. And, having been a teacher myself, I will tell you one thing that could help. Sometimes a teacher will intentionally not tell you everything, or make themselves vauge so that you will have to discover on your own what they mean. I usually only did that to students who showed promise, and it was ind of a test. Feel lucky that Master Hicchoru is testing you like that, I think he sees a lot in you."

[Loki Ahmrah]

"Now that's a clever way of looking at it. I'd never thought of that before. Thanks Sej!" Loki chirped cheerfully, clearly uplifted by Sejah's explanation. He knew it was possible that it mightn't be his master's intention to encourage him to discover things for himself as Sejah had described however there was no harm in trying. What exactly he was to discover for himself was yet to be known.

"So enough of that melancoly nonsense and back to more pressing matters: what have you got planned for today? I have an afternoon to fill and you're my victim for the day! What to do! What to do!"

[Sejah Haversh]

Sejah was caught off gaurd by Loki's sudden change of mood, and he thought for a moment. "Uhh, I didn't really have much planned. I mean, when you aren't surrounded by family, there's not much to do on Alo Kahash."

Realizing he couldn't leave it at that, Sejah explained, "It's kind of like your Christmas. You want to be surrounded by family and friends, and within that large group you just talk and listen and have a good time. My mother and I used to go to our cousins's place most of the time, and later we joined with Master Rej's family. This is the only the second one I've spent away from home, and, I spent it in my room last year. I couldn't do that this year, too lonely. I'd offer to drive us downtown to go get a burger or something, but, they won't let me drive in this thing. Anything you feel like doing?"

[Loki Ahmrah]

Whilse Sejah was talking, Loki hadn't been really listening and instead was thinking hard, the wheels were turning as he attempted to answer his own question: What could they do today? But that wasn't the only thing on the padawan's mind and his greater dilemma was finding a present for Sejah with the ultimate goal of making today an Alo Kahash to remember. They both needed it and slowly but surely, a plan was formulating in that little head of his.

"Loki?" Sejah was starting at him with mixed curiosity and worry, Loki was sat with a grin on his face and a twinkle in his eye but he wasn't looking at his furry friend. Sejah tapped him on the shoulder which startled the boy and snapped him out of it, he flushed pink in the face with embarrassment and laughed it off. "Sorry Sej, I zoned out there for a minute but it was worth it."

His eyes narrowed conspicuously and he raised his index finger, leaning in close he spoke in a hushed tone. "I have a cunning plan! I'll be right back."

With that, Loki jumped to his feet and darted off in the direction they had came.

[Sejah Haversh]

One of his eyebrows raising, Sejah watched as Loki took off like a rocket, and he just remained sitting there, waiting for his friend to return. In the back of his mind he reminded himself to call Rej later on, when it would actually be daytime on Nehantish. He was one of the last friends he still had there, and wasn't about to forget his surrogate father on such an important day.

What Sejah had hoped to be only a moment's wait turned into a few minutes. The mongoose still sat there and twiddled his thumbs, wishing he could tap his footpaw. Though he put up a brave face about it, inside Sejah was deathly afraid that he'd never get out of the frame he currently wore.

[Loki Ahmrah]

When Loki returned, some ten minutes later, his cheeks were flushed red and his brow glistened with sweat beneath his thick fringe of unruly hair. His glasses had slid down his clammy nose somewhat and irritably he readjusted them for the fourth time; one day he would head into town and have surgery to fix his eyesight once and for all but for now he would percevere, afterall Cassidy did say they made him look cute. He huffed an apology and slumped down next to Sejah, noticing that he had become rather fidgety whilst waiting.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." He said again with bubbling guilt until he cracked a smile and held aloft two strips of plastic. "But these are worth the wait, buddy. We're lucky too, I thought I'd lost them back there!"

Sejah stared at him blankly. Loki groaned in frustration. "Don't you see? These are tickets to The Blasters versus The Space Jockeys hoverball game today." Loki jumped up. "You excited? You should be!"

Pulling off his glasses, he leaned over the fountain pool and splashed water over his warm face then carelessly wiped it dry on the sleeves of his shirt. "Brr! That's better. Are you ready to go, furface?"

[Sejah Haversh]

"Furface?" Sejah replied with a smirk. "Just wait until you're old enough to shave, skinboy."

The mongoose ruffled Loki's hair and chuckled. "Yeah, I'm ready. Think I'll need a jacket? How far away is the stadium?"

Sejah was quite suprised, and very happy. He loved sports, and though he wasn't a great hoverball fan, the opportunity to see a live game was exciting. Standing up, he grinned and waited for Loki to lead the way.

[Loki Ahmrah]

"A jacket?" Loki asked incredulously, looking up at the sky. "Don't be daft! The sun couldn't be any brighter, even if it tried!"

And off they went, headed through the busy gardens within the Order's grounds, on their way they made sure to greet their friends and superiors with a bow or wave. Just as they were almost out they bumped into Anbira who was in the middle of levitating three large trees, they steadily circled the three Jedi below while they spoke. Loki's master explained that he had offered to help some of the padawans plant some trees in anticipation of the new season and he went on to grumble about his disliking for hoverball. Finally, they said their farewells and went about their respective business.

"Apparently, Master Hicchoru thinks Hoverball is a bit of a pansies game." Loki laughed, remembering the discussion he'd had with his mentor a while ago. "He says that the players are models with muscles and they wear too much protection. He's got a point about the padding - he's more fond of the old Smashball, far more violent though so don't let him know I told you - but I'd say hoverball is rough enough, besides it looks better what with the hovering and all. Oh!"

Loki suddenly through out his hand and flagged a cab, it swooped down from the flyway above and came to a smooth stop beside them. After a quick study of Sejah's equiptment, Loki frowned. "Can you manage?"