Tying the unraveling thread - tag Azhure

[Matthias darkstone]

Matthias Darkstone could not sleep. A thought of discomfort had filled his mind. And the reason made him feel sad. A part of him seemed to be missing.

He got out of bed, and pulled on his robe. {This is something that even a coffee wouldn't be able to help fix, dammit.}

He went out the door and headed down the corridor, and stopped at another not too far from his. He felt a distant connection to its occupant, and silently entered.

He was surprised at how neat the place was, in comparison to his own. He saw a knife on the table, and picked it up, knowing that it was a treasure to its owner...

...and felt nothing in connection to the delicate instrument.

He put it back, and entered into an adjoining room, seeing a woman curled up in the bed occupying it, and silently smiled at the lightsaber only inches from her hand.

Ahh, his sister. He did love her, very much, but there was still a sense of distance between the two. And that troubled him greatly. His sister was a beautiful person once you gained her trust, but until that time, well, it was for her and her victim to decide against any sudden undiciplinary actions that one made against her.

He sat at the foot of her bed, watching her sleep. He'd promised her so long ago that he'd never leave her, and he broke it. Stupid Nash Ngut. Always getting him into trouble. And he'd left without even so much as a goodbye to her. He just disapeared, and nearly got himself killed. But she was in danger, so Nash had said, and it was better for Matt to have left...

...leading him straight into a trap.

How was he to know that his oldest friend had become a Sith? If this was the case, he could trust no-one. He was hoping his sister would be an exception.

He felt Azhure stir lightly, and grumble in her sleep. She could have been telling him to go away, but he wasn't sure. But he wouldn't. He needed to talk things over with her. It was about time that he tied that unraveling thread between them, and hopefully renew that small shred of trust between them.

He reached out a hand, and placed it upon hers, feeling the slight beating of her pulse, and a tiny jolt of recognition. In a sense he hope she'd never wake, otherwise she'd kill him for invading her private space. Then, he wanted to see her awake. It was a very confusing rush of emotions he could feel.

He had better begin.]

Azhure? Are you awake?

He awaited a reply.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::The first dagger of the set was at the table where her twin had just passed, the second hidden under her body. The saber was merely a distraction, which tended to work with intruders.
Her ship had refused to open and thus she had been forced to occupy one room for the night, as she no longer officially lived in the head-quarters. She heard the breathing, almost felt the heart beating of another and her mind woke her up, her hand with the dagger in it instinctively going towards the being before she realized it was her brother - just in time.

Glaring at him she put the dagger down, saying nothing for a moment before sitting up. By the look on his face he wanted to speak about something, something important and she wasnt sure she wanted to hear it. She would have to anyway by the determination in his eyes and also that little twinge in the very little connection they held.::

You do realise that I could have killed you. Thats a dangerous way to awake an ex-assasin. What is it?

[Matthias darkstone]

He smiled at her.

Hey, at least your instincts work overtime! He got up from the foot of her bed. can I make some you some coffee and have a chat? I believe I have some explaining to do..

Well, it was too late to back out now. He had to get this over with, sooner or later.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure glared, not being much of a morning person to begin with, and pulled away the covers that protected her from the cold air in the room to sit on the bed. She wore black pants that did not resemble pajamas at all and a red top, she didnt wear night clothes in case one had to escape or attack in the middle of the night. Looking at her brother she said nothing, accept shake her head.

She stood and walked soundlessly to the fridge and handed him a beer, somehow she knew he would pay her a visit sometime during the week and had prepared. She herself took out a water bottle.::

You might enjoy that better, your favorite label I assume. Explain away if you feel you must.

::She did not want to talk about this but it had been stalled for many many years, it had been stalled to long. He wanted to speak of the present matters but the matter stretched far beyond that.::

[Matthias darkstone]

"Mmmm....VB....all the way from Earth...how the hell did you get this???"

He regained his compose after a long swig.

"I have reason to believe that you no longer trust me as much as you once did, and i have no reason to blame you. I broke a promise that i wished to keep to you, but broke it in due course because of my extreme selfishness. I am willing to tell you why, if you want to listen, and tell you how sorry i am for hurting you in the way i did."

There. He said it. He looked at her, watching her face for any signs of emotion that may have flickered there.

[Matthias darkstone]

Her face was unreadable, and a mental sheild was set up, blocking her thoughts from him. That was understandable...her thoughts would probably distract him from the topic at hand.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure's mouth twisted into a tiny little smile as she knew then for sure this conversation was going to spring up. She shook her head and didnt speak as she turned and looked outside, opening the door to the forest area.::

Perhaps it is not entirely your fault. There is much more to talk about than that.

[Matthias darkstone]

Matthias hesitated. There was more??

He sat on her bed, and patted the spot beside him with a smile. Come on, I won't bite you.

It seemed as if she didn't want to, so he got up and went outside after her.

Before I begin, is there anything that you want me to clear up for you? He hoped so, it would be so much better than him going off on a tangent as he usually did. He wanted his Sister to give him some pinpointers.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure waited until he stood outside and closed the door. Walking down the path in silence she pondered what she would say, she was never any good with emotional confrontations. She turned and looked at him for a second longer and sighed.::

We were close as children. Secrecy tore apart that which we had, and we were left with this. This mistrust, these actions BOTH of us commit against each other and this big gap which I cannot heal, nor hope to heal without healing myself. We both have much personal healing to do.

Say what you need, become of your tangent and let it out. The anger, the pain, the..the love if you have to. But I need a support to help me through and your guilt at a thing I am not angry with you at does not help. You tried to help me when a gambling friend said I was in danger and that is no crime. That is...

::She turned, emotions running through her, emotions she couldnt deal with. She felt warmth at that thought but she could not voice it. Not now.::

We both have much personal healing to do.

[Matthias darkstone]

Matthias came up behind her, and very hesitantly puts his hands on Azhure's shoulders, as if providing her with a support.

"I thought you were angry with me, Sis." He was confused. "If that is the case, then why can I feel such a large gap between us?" Her frowned. "There has to be more to it than this. Maybe we've been separated for too long this time..."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure shook her head.::

We have been seperated since we were four Matthias. I was an assasin, do you really think I would let you in, we just simply forgot about the link. Now that I have opened up a little...I must to be jedi...it has reopened and you feel its gap. Your not the problem, I am.

::She didnt take her brothers hands off her shoudler however, she felt as if she would fall if there hadnt been any support, emotions ran wild and she couldnt control them or deal with them. She tried to close herself over again to get rid of the racing emotional run in her mind..::

[Matthias darkstone]

He felt his sister's inner turmoil, and was more confused than ever. The problem was her? Well, she was once an assassin, but that was in the past now.

"Azhure, that was a long time ago, and I forgave you long ago for it. I was an assassin too, remember? Please, don't hate yourself just because you feel disconnceted from me. I don't feel that way about you."

He turned her to face him, and saw the evidence of a single tear welling up in one of her eyes, and gave her a tender smile, pulling her in closer to him for a hug. Her felt turmoils and inner confusion of his own, turmoil at the gap, confusion that Azhure was blaming herself for it.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure tried to smile but shook her head and pulled away from him. If only it was not simple for him. She had been the Angel of Death, one of the most wanted criminals in the galaxy, thus why she never used her real name and would someday have to face the authority. But not yet, not yet. She had always been a very sensitive person and thus they had gone to long lengths to break her spirit. Matthias...Matthias was a stronger surviver than she was no matter how she pretended she was stronger.::

You do not understand. I am disconnected from myself, I am more afraid of myself than anyone else. my master is having a hard time getting me to trust her, and I break easier than you do if I let that wall down. I break easier, I fall harder and I'm afraid of the fall.

::I am afraid of the fall, she had said it. Afraid of the faces that haunted her every night, afraid of the accusations, afraid of the people she must face. Her master did not know yet what assasin she had been, her brother had never know how far in ranks she'd been, and she...she wanted a brother but didnt know how to get one. If she was not to blame for this turmoil, for this fear of feeling too much then who was to blame? She needed to blame someone. Something broke with those words and her form sunk into Matthias like jelly, as if there was no substance to hold her together. She hated herself for it, but she couldnt hold back the helpless feeling. Little did she know that this action made the link a little stronger. He would be her strength.::

[Matthias darkstone]

Matthias held onto her sister for dear life, kissing the top of her head.

"That's all in the past now, sis. I'll say, let it go, and move on and make a new start in your life. It's difficult, but it is achieveable, and I'm here to help you remember? That what brother's are meant to be for."

He pulled away for a moment, and looked her straight in the face. "I know the authorities are after you, and I helped get them off your tail. I know what you were, but now that doesn't matter any more. That is a past, gone and lost. You are a Jedi Knight now. No one can hurt you whilst you are here."

[Azhure Darkstone]

I am trying to make a new start and I will always continue to do so, I refuse to go back. I just need...I need you here. I am in training to be jedi and even if it kills me I will be a jedi.
The authorities are gone for now....

::But they would be back, they would always be back, being the number one head on their list didnt just dissapear, and the problem was she would never forgive herself, but she would be a jedi. She could still feel wet tears on her cheek but tried now to stop them, tears did not help.::

I'm sorry I've been distant all these years, I know you've tried hard to be a brother and I've tried hard to be a stranger. I...I can try and be a sister but I can't promise I'll be very good at it.

::She stepped away from him and sat on thre ground, watching the sky. Being a sister. An entirely new concept for her state of mind, she'd always tried to be distant from everyone but now... he would help her.::

[Matthias darkstone]

"You've always been a sister to me Azhure...even if you have tried not to be." He sat down beside her, and stared at a flower for a minute, before blowing on it, and making its petals waft off in the cool breeze. "See that flower for instance. Each one of those petals helps it be what it is, and it is very fragile. People are much like that, easily destructed by their feelings. But if I do this," Matthias picked up some petals, and held them up to the flower, making it whole again."One can again be whole."

He let them fall again. "Now I sound just like an Old, Wise Jedi Master," he muttered to himself.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::She looked at the flower for a second. A child with hope. Broken spirits. What was broken could be fixed under the right hands, and only under the right hands. She couldnt do it alone. She did not move her eyes from the flower and, for a rare moment used her natural voice from her vocal box, a soft musical voice which never did fit her past proffession.::

You'd better be like an old, wise jedi master. You have much to teach brother.

::She stood up, wiping her tears from her face with her black sleeve and studied the sky, such small beings compared to the might of the universe. The jedi padawan with no surname and no said race watched the clouds in the sky, promising rain. She was concious of her brother and for once it felt comforting to know she wasnt alone. For once she did not feel completely alone.::

You'd better be at least wise, because I am not.

[Matthias darkstone]

"I'm sure you would be if you looked for it hard enough. It isn't too hard once you try." He smiled reassuringly at her, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "And I'm proof of that."

He stopped short for a moment. "Or I think I am, but you will have to be the judge of that. Past failures can prove to become strengths sometimes too, even I know that."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::She looked at him and then sat on the ground crosslegged, the feeling of feeling nothing coming closer as her heart began to panic again. The tears were dry and her body had stopped shaking as she tooo control again in a few minutes of silence.

There was nothing more to say, she couldnt think of any words so she didnt reply. She wanted him to sit next to her, just sit there, they hadnt done that for such a long long time. They had done that as children when their carer used to kick them out of the house when she'd drunken too much. She felt too tired now to anything else besides.::

[Matthias darkstone]

Matthias sat down heavily beside her and sighed. Maybe for now it would be best to stay quiet, and let his sister talk when she wanted to. He looked over at her and smiled, and then stared off onto the distance.

there was never before a moment in his life that made him more happy

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure moved a little closer, feeling sleepy, just like she used to before they had been taken away from the screamer. She put her head on his shoulder and curled up in a tight ball, shutting the world out as sleep invaded her mind, his presence almost shutting out the voices that tormented her dreams.::

[Matthias darkstone]

He looked down at the sleeping figure, for one of the first times in his life truly happy. He rested his head on hers, stroking it, remembering better times, and felt a wetness upon his cheek. Sleep tried to wash over him, but he willed himself to stay awake. It was no time to sleep now........