Demon's Within; A Lupine's Hold (Morgan)

[Quay'Na Rakai]

I'm dying... Quay'Na thought from her curled up spot on Sage's couch. No, this is worse than dying..I'm already dead...

Her stomach involuntarily heaved, but she didn't even bother leaning over into the bucket she had. It was just another painful dry heave. Everything else, she had managed to expell three hours ago.

The dreaded withdraw sickness had hit her hard, just as Dr. Radnor had presumed. You'll feel pretty bad when it does... She remembered him saying. Pretty bad??

Not even her month long illness on Dagobah matched this. She was in hell and she probably didn't look any better on the outside than on the in.

Quay'Na's body had become a sweat machine. Her shoulder-length brown hair and her clothes were drenched.

Then came the shaking and for the life of her couldn't figure out why in the frell she was shaking so badly. After all, she was neither hot nor cold.

Quay was in a horrible state and it was no one's fault but her own. She had allowed her heart and mind to fall for Vega and this was the outcome.

The young Padawan had been cursed. Cursed by Vega Van-derVeld.

Cursed for loving him, cursed for wanting to hate him. But she had bestowed this curse upon herself by allowing herself to fall prey to the darksider. A darksider that she still loved.

Quay didn't really understand why she still loved him. After all, it was useless, he was dead.

For a moment, she was very glad that he was dead, he deserved it!

With a sudden sick heave of her stomach, she wiped the thought from her mind. What was she thinking? That was kinda like revenge in a way.

She heaved again.

Quay'Na felt the shadows of the Darkside tickling her mind. It so much wanted her to accept it, to flourish in it.

It seemed that ever since she brushed against the Darkside a week ago, it ahd lurked around her. Waiting.

"Then, you'll just have to wait." She said weakly. "Because, you're not getting me again."

With a tear in her eye, she sighed heavily as she body continued it's shaking and sweating.

One last thought came to mind as she closed her eyes. Master, where are you?

[Morgan Evanar]

Morgan rapped his knuckles against the door three times. Sage had sudden "personal bussiness" to attend to, so Morgan was slowly informing his Padawans. While the list was alphabetized, he decided to visit Quay'Na first.

She had been through an awful lot lately: being manipulated by Vega, seeing him murdered, being questioned about the murder by a none-too polite blonde fellow, and then a suicide attempt.

An awful lot of awful things. It was another item of bad news to add to her pile, unfortunately.

"Quay?" he called through the door.

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na opened an eye at the call of her name. She didn't clearly recongize the voice, but then again in the state she was in it could've been the ghost of Vader.

"Come in!" she called, but didn't make any attempts to move.

[Morgan Evanar]

She didn't sound right, Morgan thought as he opened the door.

"You don't look so good." Quay looked uncomfortable, and the smell of bile and food mixed together into something foul. The door clicked close behind him.

"Whats wrong?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'na groaned slightly as the Jedi Master stepped in.

She attempted to sit up, but her head hurt too bad to do so. With a regretful sigh, Quay'Na closed her eyes for a brief moment and rested back onto her pillow. She opened them once again when she felt she could. Giving the Jedi Master hte best smile she could muster, which wasn't much. She replied, "I don't feel so good, Master Evanar. Actually, I feel rather terrible."

Quay'Na paused for a moment and looked at him. She knew why he was here. "This is just another bad stage of being with Vega. I'm in withdraw from a stimulant addiction."

Quay was sure it wasn't what the High Council member wanted to hear, but she was tired of lying. She was tired of keeping things she did while with Vega locked away.

Deep down, Quay'Na knew why MOrgan was here, it wasn't everyday a Council member showed up at your door.

The Padawan had gone too far this time and she knew it. Quay'Na looked down at her lap, her eyes sad. "I'll have my bags packed once I'm better. Sage didn't have to send you, he could've just simply sent me a memo." She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I'm being dismissed, aren't I?"

[Morgan Evanar]

Oh jeez. Morgan shook his head and gave Quay a sad smile.

"No, you're not. You're in trouble, but we're better equiped to help you than anyone else. Sage is away on some sort of personal bussiness, and I came by to tell you and say that the Council's door is open if you need anything during his absence."

He looked her over carefully. She was probably dehydrated, which made her nausea much worse.

"Quay, you need fluids. You're dehydrated. Can you hold water down?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na sighed as she placed a hand across her forehead. "I haven't tried for a couple of hours, last time I did....no." She felt herself start shaking again and cringed. "This is terrible, I'll never do this again."

She was however glad that she was able to stay at the Order and that Sage would be back sometime.

[Morgan Evanar]

"I'm going to go get you some help. I think you'll have no problem staying put." Morgan flashed her a grin before he closed the door behind him.

He borrowed (by dissapearing) an MD2 nurse driod and intravenous fluid packs.

"Sir, where are you taking me?"

"To the quarters. I need you to diagnose and help improve a padawan's health. Discreetly."

Quay was only slightly unnerved when the door seemed to open on its own, chalking it up to a halucination. The air around Morgan seemed to twist, like the reflection of a pool that just had a rock dropped in it before everything sorted back to normal.

"Sorry if I gave a start. I requisitioned a nurse driod and intravenous fluids, since I don't know how to do IVs safely on other people."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na hadn't moved a muscle, afraid that it would only make her sick again.

She sighed slightly and nodded as she closed her eyes, she didn't like needles. But, if this would help, she'd more than be glad to be pricked and poked.

"Thank you, Master Evanar. Now, maybe my head will clear." She said as the nurse droid began to look her over.

After a few moments, Quay'Na held her arm still as the needle was pushed in. She was feeling too badly to really even feel any pain from it.

It wasn't too long before she actually began to feel better. The fog began to clear and once again she was aware of the growing feelings of emptiness within her. She missed her master.

"Master Evanar, I'm feeling much better, thank you for helping me. I would like to talk to you on something, since Master Sage is going to be gone for a while."

She pushed her hair behind her ear as she took in a deep breath. "I don't know how much you know about the Vega situation. But, I have to talk to someone about it. There are things that I don't understand having to do with the...darkside."

[Morgan Evanar]

The skeleton was out of the clothset. It was the one that dressed in a black cloak and carried a scythe.

The Dark Side was dangerous, enticing and above all, sneaky. Morgan knew from experince, skating the edge while at TSO.

"I don't know much about your experinces with Vega, but I do know more than I like about the Dark Side."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na sighed deeply. "I...I...felt the Dark Side last week for a moment. Master Dasquian knew about it, but he's been so busy...we've not really had a chance to talk about it. I fought it off last week, but I feel like its here. All around me, like it's Vega's spirit trying to claim me to it or something." She paused as she looked at him. "I don't know what to do, I try to ignore it and it seems to dwell on me...I don't want that feeling around me."

[Morgan Evanar]

"It seems like the easy option. In some ways, it is. Throw your freedom out the window for what seems like power. If you haven't freedom of mind, you don't have anything. You're a puppet. The longer you're with it, the stronger the hold."

"Threads become strings become cords become rope becomes chains, binding you to it's will." He said gravely.

"The threads are soft, even seemingly helpful. They grace you with what seems like abilities, it feels easy. Almost natural. Easier than thinking or working. But the price you pay..." Morgan shook his head slowly.

"The Dark side is a parasite. But its easier to fend it off when you're on your feet. You're vunerable, and down, on many levels."

"Is there anyone special you get along with?"

[Quay'Na Rakai]

"I have a few friends, but none that I am real close to anymore since Vega. I've treated them badly, especially Mylia. And it almost seems as she cares the most, but I don't know why. I don't deserve it." She sighed and looked down for a moment. "I guess, our friendship means alot more to her than I thought and I'm thankful for that. As far as guys....phhfft, Jake Burton had been the closest, but not anymore."

[Morgan Evanar]

"They see something you don't. You've had a rough time, Quay. And it doesn't matter whether you 'deserve' it or not. They're your friends. They're going to stay with you. Give them a chance. As far as guys..." Morgan shrugged.

"I wasn't expecting anything. The right person had been here for years, but the right time hadn't come. Take care of yourself, first and foremost: its not selfish. Its necessary. If you're dead or a puppet of the Dark Side, you're not helping anyone."

"Now, romantic relationships are nice if you're prepared for them. You have to trust the other person completely, and thats very difficult to do when you're trying to, well, be a Jedi. I've been very lucky. While we don't actively encourage or discourage relationships, I personally don't think they're a great idea most of the time. Its added stress. A good friend isn't."

"I think you should talk to Mylia."

[Quay'Na Rakai]

Quay'Na sighed again. "I'll do that, after all it can't hurt anything. I just feel so stupid with all the things that I've done. The day that I tried to commit suicide I was so sure, I had failed everything and everyone around me, including the Order. I guess, I figured they were all better off without me and it wasn't until Dasquian talked to me that I realized my life did matter. I hurt a lot of people that day..."