Lonely Elves (Dasquian)

[Helenias Evenstar]

The Council room was cold and dark, lonely. I remembered that Marcus once said he would come here when he had a troubled mind, to think and to see what The Force had in store.

Well, my mind was certainly troubled. Distressed was a better word for it, for it seemed that my life was going to a hot burning place in a small wicker basket. What had I done to deserve this? forstly it seemed Marcus had abandoned me, or avoiding me. I found out I was pregnant, which approaching mid term, I was now beginning to show, no longer could I keep this secret and avoid the questions I could not answer. My Padawans were estranged from me, Sejah because he felt I was ignoring him and Pierce.... just the thought of him was enough to make my teeth grind. He was the instigator of the latest disaster, the arrest of my adopted daughter Xazor and now it appeared her abandoning of the Jedi Order.

Had the Galaxy gone mad? Why was all this happening?

I stared out the large windows, deep in thought and regret. I was regrettign ever coming a Jedi now, for here I was a woman, alone and soon to be helpless, burdened with more than I knew how to deal with. No friends. Nowhere to go.

Sighing, I bowed my head. Even my foresight had gone quiet. I could not see what was ahead. If ever I needed answers and direction, this was it.

[Dasquian Belargic]

“Good evening, Senator Evenstar.”

A familiar voice bounced off of the shadowed walls of the Council room. Even bathed in darkness, the room managed to give off an air of regality, of prestige. Dasquian stood in the open doorway, admiring the simplicity of the room in which so many important and heavy matters were dealt with. It was an honor to stand within these four walls.

“I sense you are troubled.”

The Knight continued, hands clasping behind his back as he strode forward. His awareness of other peoples emotions was becoming much more astute now and he found himself far more able to sense sadness or frustration, even when those experiencing it were trying to hide it.

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Good evening, Master Begaric. I would say that was most perceptive, except it would not take a Jedi to read my mood right now". I continued to look out the window, gladdened a bit there was someone here I knew, even vaguely.

"I guess you would know part of the reason why I seek solitude here. Events with Xazor troubles me deeply and to have her taken away when I needed her the most is a disaster. When I just need someone"

[Dasquian, I can't hide it any longer] I said, switching to the High Tongue both he and I knew, [I am pregnant. I wish it were not so, but I am. I so wanted to tell her, but I fear I can no longer]

[Dasquian Belargic]

Yes, I heard from one of the Padawans, though I thought it was only rumor and speculation.

Dasquian strode forward a few more steps, his eyes watching the window which Helenias’ did.

If you do not mind me asking, Senator Evenstar, when can we be expecting the little one?

[Helenias Evenstar]

[Imagine what they would say. The Warrior Evenstar, finally bought down by a night of too much alcohol. Do they also speculate on the father too?]

Mentally, I slapped myself for letting some of my bitterness out.

[I... I'm sorry, I should not have unloaded. It's just been very hard. I can't tell others who he is and for me, it is not honourable to be a single mother. The gossip pages I believe are going to have a field day. Unmarried, single, Jedi and a Senator. I can just imagine what would be said in 4 and a half months time. I just wish I had someone else to speak to, you understand? It would make the burden easier, especially someone who knows.....him]

Even in the High Tongue, I did not speak Elessar's name. I couldn't bring myself to.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Who cares what the papers think? The news columns write trash most of the time anyway.

Dasquian shook his head.

The others here will not reprove you. There’s no shame in being a single mother. It just shows that you the strength of character to deal with something so big alone… although I’m sure you won’t be alone, so long as you’re here.

[Helenias Evenstar]

I stayed silent for a moment, contemplating Dasquian's words.

[I dont know - I really don't know. That which drew me here is now gone. I didn't become a Jedi for my own reasons, you understand. I have however found love, friendship - gained a daughter even. But much that I gained is taken again and I feel I need to start again. Or maybe I just dont understand why Xazor and Marcus threw away everything. Maybe that is why I came here]

I turned to face my fellow Jedi directly.

[Could you do it? Could you spend so much of your life building something like the Jedi Order and then willingly turn your back on it? Why would anyone do such a thing? I thought I knew him.... but I don't. I can not understand this]

[Dasquian Belargic]

We cannot always cling to the past. There comes a time when we must all move on. The Force shows us a new path and we must walk it.

Dasquian’s response was ambiguous, but then Helenias question had been as such also.

Have you really lost these things? Just because these people aren’t here in this Order does not mean they are removed from your family.

[Helenias Evenstar]

[I am a Jedi, Dasquian. I dont know where Marcus and Xazor have gone, I dont know hen they might return. But I am a Jedi here and now and I feel in my heart that things between my family and I can not be the same. The dont even know what's happening to me. I feel that a barrier has become into being. ]

For a moment I became silent, then...

[I so wanted to ask my daughter of something that I know not of. I wanted to know - what's it like to see your child for the first time? What's it like to hold your baby?]

[Dasquian Belargic]

Dasquian had experienced this feeling thrice over, yet it was all the sweeter after the conflict endured to see the successful and unhindered birth of Valanya.

Indescribable. It is something that must be felt to be appreciated.

A thought drew the Knight away for a moment as he became lost in his nostalgia.

Your blood family may not be here, but the Order is your family also. Whatever support you need, anyone here will be happy to offer.

[Helenias Evenstar]

[That's truly yet to be proven Dasquian. I know so few here.... Only really Mistress Tarkin. I have spkoen to her, she is a caring and understanding woman. But even then, I fear I will have to face the birth of this child alone. I wish that were not so]

[Dasquian Belargic]

They say everything happens for a reason. The Force has a plan for us all. Though we may feel down and alone, we can always feel safe in the knowledge that things will get better.

Dasquian parted his hands, as though submitting.

I’m afraid there is not much I can offer you, aside from my own friendship and help whenever you should need it.

[Helenias Evenstar]

[Will things really get better?] I countered. [How do we really know that? It's..... well...... not a question any of us can answer. But, if we do not have hope that what you say is right, taking a dive off the highest tower is all we can do. Hope and indeed friendship stops that]

I pointed.

[See out there? I had a, I guess friend who was a Stormtrooper many, many years ago in the Empire. He heard his family was killed in a Rebel assault. Hope died for him and he jumped off that building. He made a hole in the pavement. I knew others who did similar. Hope was such a fleeting thing in those times.]