Three Simple Words

[Dasquian Belargic]

Three Simple Words

Open up my eyes
Flooded with daylight
Another sleepless night turns color black and white
With all the things I’ve said
There is just regret
Repeating in my head

Hands into a fist
Static in my head
Now I’m sitting face to face with loneliness
What did I expect
Did I see forever
In you

I never
Want it to hurt
More than it should
I hope you’re
Satisfied
I never could

Time to close my eyes
Forget about this mess
Try to fix this tragic loss of innocence
But how can I forget
The things I have inside
When everything is dead

I never
Want it to hurt
More than it should
I hope you’re
Satisfied
I never could

Can’t you see
You left me
Here on my own
Give me one
Good reason
Why I should let go

With my hands around your neck
Who will stop me now?

***

It was wrong. Dasquian knew this much. As he sat re-reading over the letter he'd just written, and was about to post, he knew he was breaching something, some code, some rule - but he needed to get in touch with Xazor. She was a fugitive, wanted for assisting a darksider, but she was also the woman he loved and the mother of his child. There were things that needed to be said between the two, and there was no way Xazor could come to the Order to hear them. Likewise Dasquian could not go in search of her. He could not risk being pulled into the whole muddle as an accomplice, but thought that surely a letter would do no harm. He could ask for her location, and if she did not give it then nothing would change.

Once again, he lifted the message up and began to read:

"Xazor,

I have come to a realization over the past month or so. One of the most important traits of a Jedi is to put others before oneself. What a person needs and wants is no where near as important as the needs of others. For some time now I have not been doing this. I have been placing my wants over the feelings of others and I do not think it would be fair for this to carry on any longer.

I wanted to tell you this in person, but complications would arise from the current situation that I believe are best avoided. More than once now I have stepped into your life and the lives of others and turned them upside down simply because I love you. I have caused poor Terran to become distraught and pained. This is not something a Jedi does, a Jedi does not inflict pain and anguish upon others.

I love you, but you must go to him and you must rectify what I have broken apart, Xazor. The two of you are meant to be together and you know this. We were good friends before anything developed between us and I hope that this can remain the same after. I hope things between you and Terran go smoothly and that wherever you are, you are well.

Love always,
Dasquian"

The Knight nodded to himself and sent the message relay to Dexter's Diner - someone there would know where to pass it on to.

[Xazor Elessar]

Upon a black leather couch sat Xazor Elessar, a sealed letter in her hand. Just moments before, Dexter had handed it to her with a curious expression on his face. He thought it odd to have mail from the Greater Jedi Order after what had happened. It was not from the Council or anyone of that nature, no, it was addressed to her from Dasquian. She smiled at the thought of having contact with him once again, despite the fact that she was still on the run. "He is so sweet and caring." She thought to herself before carefully ripping open the envelope.

Her eyes scanned the letter quickly, but with each word, she regretted ever receiving it. As she reached the last paragraph, tears began to form in her eyes and they stung ever so slightly. "I love you, but you must go to him and you must rectify what I have broken apart, Xazor." The words tore at her heart. She knew he was right. He spoke the truth when he said that she was aware that she and Terran belonged together -- but she loved Dasquian too. Without being able to hold back much longer, the tears fell down the Garou's cheeks as her heart broke in two once again.


* * *

Dasquian,

I suppose I do not understand your reasoning for writing such a letter to me. Was it your intent to break my heart from the beginning? All this time you've strung me along, why? Just so you could torture me and have the last laugh? I love you! You know this to be true!

If you love me as much as you say you do, then why are you hurting me like this? Is this some kind of sick joke? If it is, I don't find it funny at all. Granted, I love Terran -- but please don't think that our breaking up was your doing. I made my decision, Dasquian! I want to be with you and Valanya!

Please re-think what you have said to me, please? Don't leave me, Dasquian, not when I need you the most. Can't you see how much this is hurting me? If this is truly what you need, though -- I'll support you. You're my friend and you always will be. I'll always keep you in my heart.

Love forever,
Xazor


* * *

The letter was written and sealed quickly, and then Xazor put it into the small drop box near the end of the couch. The letter fell downstairs into a small box where Dexter picked it up and sent it on its way to Master Yoghurt's Bar and Grill. Of course, though, it did not bare a return address for fear of being caught and imprisioned.

[Dasquian Belargic]

I have not strung you along, Xazor. You know I love you dearly but I feel as though what we have is not meant to be. I want to be there with open arms for you, but the Force is telling me this is not what either of us is meant for. Terran is your past and your future. Our time together was wonderful but, I have come to believe, just an intermission between your lives together.

Dasquian paused. None of this was coming out right, but he was having a difficult time wording anything that he thought wouldn’t upset Xazor. That whole topic would could distress, no matter how it was said.

Please don’t think badly of me for this. I am only trying to do what is best for both you and Terran.

The note was brief, but there was little more he felt he needed to say.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor held the note in her hand the day after it was written. Her heart was aching and her face was stained with tears. She still could not believe this was happening to her. Sitting down with a pen and paper, the young woman began writing her own note in reply.


* * *

Dasquian,

I don't think badly of you but I think you're making a big mistake! What about everything we've shared? We have a daughter together! Doesn't that mean anything to you?

You say you'll be my friend forever because we were friends first -- but we're more than that! Just because I am gone right now doesn't mean our love is gone too!

I know you love me, Dasquian -- I know it. Why are you lying to yourself? There has to be more behind this than what you're telling me. Is it because I aided a Darksider? Do you think I'm turning into one?

Your reasoning just doesn't add up anymore. Like I said before, though, if this is what you truly feel -- there is nothing more I can do. I just thought that our love was something worth fighting for. You weren't just an intermission in the lives of myself and Terran. We had something.

Love always,
Xazor


* * *

The Knight sealed the envelope and addressed it to Dasquian once again before sending it off. This was her last chance -- her last hope. Perhaps now, it would be her last attempt at getting him back. If he was so stubborn about this, Xazor knew she wouldn't be able to sway his decision.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Xazor

I’m not denying that I love you,

Dasquian began,

Because I do. I have only loved twice in my life. I know what it feels like. Of course what we have means something to me. If it didn’t I wouldn’t be doing this, however skewed the logic may seem…

He paused. There was time to reconsidered, but he had thought this over one hundred times. It seemed like the right thing to do. Time would heal whatever pain it caused and in the long run it would be better. He didn’t know how else to justify himself, so addressed the other topic.

I don’t know why you helped that darksider but I know you must have done it for a good reason, so I do not hold that against you, know that much is true at least.

Yours,
Dasquian

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor sighed in confusion. She knew not what to make of the letters she and Dasquian were exchanging.


* * *

Dasquian,

Fine. You want it this way, then I guess this is how it is going to be. There have been several things on my mind lately, you being one of them -- Valanya the other, and, something I must tell you.

I feel like I'm being surpressed. I don't feel like I can make my life work inside of the Jedi Order. I helped the Darksider because she needed someone to show her mercy, to give her a bit of grace.

I want to help people like this, Dasquian. I want to befriend Sith and Dark Jedi and help them live their lives. I want to be taken in by smugglers and mercs so that I may show them love too.

I'm telling you this because, well -- I'm leaving the Jedi Order. I am removing myself from it and becomming something else. You know of The Lost Jedi -- you know that is what I am, and so, I leave you and the others so that I may embrace my destiny.

We will work out something with Valanya. I'll be close to you, closer than you know at times. Perhaps this was for the better, my love. I am set free now, to do what I need to do. I will never forget you and how kind you have been to me. I love you.

Forever yours,
Xazor

P.S. Please take care of my Padawans for me. Enclosed is a separate list of those who will be left behind.


* * *

And so she sealed her fate and mailed it to him. This was how it had to be and with each passing minute, the young Jedi Knight was beginning to realize this.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Leaving the Jedi Order? This was most unexpected. Dasquian shook his head. Xazor’s heart seemed in the right place but sometimes he feared she approached things in the wrong way.

Good luck with whatever you seek to do, Xazor. I hope for your sake that these people seek out are good people and that you are not harmed in the process of trying to help them.

He frowned and exhaled heavily.

I will take care of your Padawans. May the Force be with you, Xazor.

-Dasquian.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor sighed as she finished her last letter to Dasquian. This had not gone as planned, but in the end, she had found herself in the place she belonged.


* * *

Dasquian,

This will be my last letter to you for a while. Thank you for your support. I wish I could see you one last time, but I know that is not possible -- not until I can return to you and Valanya again. That will not be for some time, though, so please -- wait for me.

I will miss you dearly but you shall be forever close to my heart. Please tell those who ask you of me, not to worry. Please tell my Padawans that I will never forget them and that I shall see them soon enough.

Above all -- know that my love for you will never fail. I shall always love you, even if we are to be only friends. You have touched my life in a way no one could. Please remember me and may the Force be with you.

Love forever and always,
Xazor


* * *

And so she sent the letter and placed her hands on her face as tears poured forth from her eyes. She knew what she had to do and now, it was to late to undo what had been done. Xazor now, was fully a Lost Jedi.