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View Full Version : all new guys! c'mere! now!



Loklorien s'Ilancy
Jul 19th, 2003, 08:55:45 PM
at the request of the higher ups (me, myself, and i; and a few other people i suppose), im writing this. now yall listen up.

i want you to each write me two paragraphs describing coming out of hyperspace over a planet. use you imagination, please.

and im serious about this.

Jarek T'chort
Jul 21st, 2003, 03:07:05 PM
A figure rose in a darkened cabin, he raised his hands and rubbed sleep from his eyes. The figure switched on a light, bathing the cabin in a soft yellow glow. The light revealed a tall man of around thirty, he was fairly thin and tall, but it was easy to tell he was lithe and wiry. His face was hard, no trace of emotion, a high brow hung over sharp blue eyes as he fixed an unrelenting gaze upon his clothes before putting them on, his bony hands gripping the folded garments like he would a blaster rifle. Dressing in a black jumpsuit, Jarek Tchort made his way out of his compact cabin.

Tchort now stood in the cockpit of his shuttle. Gazing out of the darkened tapristeel viewscreen, he watched as starlines stretched to infinity. Rubbing an itch in his hand, he looked down at his two pilots.

"I take it we are at our destination ?" Jarek asked in his soft yet husky voice.

"Yes General", replied one of his pilots. She pulled back some levers in front of her and the starlines mottled into the blackness of space. Ahead lay the world of Eriadu, it hung like a gem in the all encompassing darkness of space. His home.

The lambada class shuttles engine glowed blue as it descended toward the ever bigger growing planet, its elegant wings elevating into an upright position as it came to land.

Loklorien s'Ilancy
Jul 22nd, 2003, 03:27:50 PM
i like it. good descriptions and visuals. you described your char very well, and it was easy to see in my minds eye. the dialogue is believable and real, and doesn't sound forced. i give it an a. you spaced your paragraphs, making it easier to read and more pleasing to the eyes. good work, dood.

next!

Telan Desaria
Jul 24th, 2003, 03:25:56 PM
All new recruits are required to post here. Anyone not in compliance will receive a deduction in rank. Duchess s'Ilancy will see that you attend.

Teleran Balades
Jul 24th, 2003, 05:38:22 PM
Teleran Balades desperatly tried to stretch his legs in the cramped cockpit of the TIE Defender. The large, full-built man was not used to such confined areas, being accustomed to ships at least the size of a corvette. Teleran sighed, almost sinking into self pity. He mentally kicked himself for letting the uncomfort get to him; he should be glad, the solitude was a great welcome after the hustle and bustle of the administration buildings on Thyferra. A vacation was what he needed.

A message scroling across his HUD brought him out of his thoughts. The 12 hour trip was nearing an end. The trip had taxed the Defender to its limits, extra life support modules had to be equiped as the craft was normally only capable of supporting life for 4 hours.

Four minutes later the white, cylindrical starlines fade into tiny dots in the vast blackness of space. Just below the viewport of the TIE hung the world of Bespin. The swirling blue-white clouds had an almost hypnotic affect on the mind. Teleran sighed again, this time in satisfction, Bespin would make a peacfull vacation spot.

Telan Desaria
Jul 24th, 2003, 05:51:47 PM
keep at them, Madame Sil!

Loklorien s'Ilancy
Jul 24th, 2003, 05:58:24 PM
good job; i like how you described his dislike of smaller ships; nice attention to char likes and dislikes. i liked the 'sinking in to self pity' bit; that was cute. the only thing i would have to say is read over what you write when youre done; see if the whole thing flows together. and not only punctuation wise, but thought process-wise.

all in all though, i like it. you get an a.

Park Kraken
Jul 26th, 2003, 11:42:54 AM
::As the Tormentor glided through hyperspace, Admiral Kraken strode out onto the bridge. According to his chromometer, they should be exiting hyperspace soon. He glanced out the viewports at the beauty of hyperspace, the sea of blue, a winding, twisting vortex, lined with stars and planets flashing by. At that moment, the navigator reported::

"Sir, hyperspace re-entry in 1 minute."

"Very well, Private Strells."

::As he watched, the vortex containing a miasma of colors began to collapse, then elongate into long streams of stellar bodies, then shortened into their respective orbits. They had arrived at the world of Hilari.::

Silus Xilarian
Jul 28th, 2003, 11:43:12 PM
An unsettling peace rested over Dominion, a large way station to the Rogue Imperial Spaceport on Kile II. The occupants knew it was coming, but unfortunately, they didn't have the privilege of knowing when. Even more unfortunate, they couldnt fathom just what would be coming. Everyone there thought the worse, but even then, none of them could fathom just how bad worse could get.

Eight thousand meters of unadulterated fury raced at the speed of light, its destination set for Kile II. Directly in its path was Dominion, but that would soon change. The Super Star Destroyer Draconian traveled its course, bristling with over a thousand weapons. To gaze upon the monstrosity was enough to make the most courageous of men cower. The sight of it barreling toward you with turbolasers blazing in itself was the epitome of terror.

Inside the main hangar of the Draconian, Silus had settled in behind the controls of his modified TIE Defender, Saint II. Behind him sat Shadow Squadron, each elite pilot readying themselves in their own unique way. Two more squadrons rested in the hangar with them, while nine more Squadrons rested in other hangars. One hundred fourty four starfighters, One hundred fourty four well trained pilots, all readied, waiting, chomping at the bit for that one moment when the hangar bay opened...

All stations were manned and readied. The attack would be swift. The enemy would be space debris before they would have the chance to even fully grasp what was happening. General Xilarian would spearhead the starfighter forces into battle, while the Draconian and its flanks ripped the station apart.

An all too familiar lurch made its way down the hull of the Draconian, as it made the jump back into real space, followed by sound of thirty six TIE engines starting in unison. At that moment, the hangar bays opened, and the full force of the Draconian's starfighter fleet rushed out, decending on the Dominion, like a dark screaming predator swooping down on its prey.

May the force be with them...

Ryan Pode
Jul 29th, 2003, 08:19:46 AM
Do I have to do this?

Loklorien s'Ilancy
Jul 29th, 2003, 10:17:47 AM
kraken:

good environmental descriptions. one thing i might stress is char development or at least description. i cant relate with just a name. you get a b.

mr. badass:

i was too lazy to read this when i got home, but you poked and prodded and pestered me enough to go see what the big hype was all about. it was cute. i like it. now. come to bed and well discuss your grade.

Ryan Pode
Jul 29th, 2003, 10:57:07 AM
k

Telan Desaria
Jul 29th, 2003, 03:05:16 PM
hahaha

Aegis Du' Caat
Aug 3rd, 2003, 12:18:33 AM
Oh why the frell not...


The journey had been a peaceful one. The new nav computers installed onboard the Fulmenis took most of the excitement and apprehension about making a jump. This led to hyperspace being a time to relax for the crew during non-combat trips and a unnerving calm when vessels where jumping into the thick of a battle.

Of course there were always men and women busy on the bridge, there was the ever present fear of interdiction and forced reversion, waking the lumbering giants out of their star-streaked slumbers. This gave travelling in hyper-space during war-time the feel of a calm before the storm. A time of unnerving serenity, a feeling of forebodeing that although the horizon is clear now, the heavens have not begun their assault upon the sod, that this calm, this peace could be broken at any minute and the sky erupt in violence.

Du' Caat felt such a calm as his vessel hurtled at many times the speed of light towards Eriadu. He had been sent to reinforce the occupation forces stationed there who had come under assault by the Pact of Iron. The mammoth man strode like a caged beast across the catwalk overlooking the command pit onboard his bridge deck. Each stride in his elongated gait covered nearly a forth of the distance of his 4 meter path as he strode anxiously with both hands clenched tightly behind him. He was calculating, deliberating, trying to predict the moves of his opponents.

They know I am coming and if their commander is even remotely worth his command, he knows I'm coming from outer rim. He'll have set up a picket to slow me down...

"Ensign, contact the Imperious and the Tyrant order them to sound general alarm and to prepare for emergency reversion."

"Aye-Aye sir," The young square chinned junior officer replied.

"Also sound general quarters onboard our vessel," Du' Caat continued, he had spoken what he considered soft, those his deep bass voice resounded through the deck as if it were electronically amplified.

"Admiral?" Captain Bienauve asked in a confused tone.

Du' Caat turned to answer him but as he did the emergency warning klaxons sounded and flashes of bright red light could be seen everywhere. Then the voice of the helm came over the bridges intercom; "Non-plotted Gravity well detected, emergency reversion to real-space immienent all hands brace yourselves."

This warning was reverberated throughout the decks of the massive vessel in a matter of nano-seconds. Du' Caats massive hands gripped the railing of the cat-walk firmly as the inertial dampeners strained mightly. The force of momentum nearly tossed a lightly framed female lieutenant over the railing and into the pit, but Du' Caat's powerful left arm caught her firmly around the waist and held her close.

"One Interdictor cruiser and 3 Carracks Class vessels aft of the Tyrant"

Du' Caat quickly released the female officer and turned to his helm; "Bring us about, best possible speed, Gunney have all foward and port batteries concentrate fire on that Interdictor. Mowery order all fighters launched and engage the Carracks!"

"Yes Admiral"

Du' Caat was annoyed, the gall of these traitors to ruin his view of a normally scheduled reversion made his wrath at their attack upon Sovereign planers increase tenfold.

Serena Laran
Aug 19th, 2003, 03:58:22 PM
;) What can I say, I'm feeling the need to stretch my legs after a period of inactivity.

****

Admiral Laran sat in her ready room, flipping through some flimsies that had been stacked on her desk by a junior officer. She was taking the ISD Kelvin on a journey to Carida, to pick up the latest batch of the Sovereignty's best and brightest.

"Reversion to real space in thirty- five seconds, Admiral." Her comm crackled, and she turned in her chair, getting to her feet. Standing straight, which is what she always did, Serena Laran stood as tall, or taller, than most of the men under her command. It was slightly unnerving to them at first, but they soon got over it. She walked to the doors, opening them, and stepping onto the bridge.

"Very good, Captain." She reached up and tucked a strand of red hair back into place, then stood beside the officer, placing one hand on the railing as the helm counted down to reversion.

"Five..four...three...two..."

Admiral Laran watched the starlines fade in front of her, the miasma of hyperspace liquifying and then solidifying back into normal space. As the Kelvin shuddered once beneath her feet, she had the barest trace of a smile around her lips. "Take us into high orbit, Captain Faust. And prepare a shuttle for my departure."

He snapped to attention and then turned to carry out her orders. Laran took one more look out the viewport towards the glittery planet that was Carida before heading back to her cabin. She never missed reversion to real space. It was the one thing in the universe that could still take her breath away.

Sean Piett
Aug 21st, 2003, 04:22:39 AM
all the new guns have already roleplayed more in this thread than i have this year

Loklorien s'Ilancy
Aug 26th, 2003, 11:35:55 AM
beautiful writing guys ^_^ you know i like your work :)

yall get a's and stuff

*hands holly a screwdriver :D *

imported_STELA'SHLIT'NURUODO
Aug 27th, 2003, 10:18:54 PM
T-wrench's and screwdrivers
she's seems to have all the tools

Loklorien s'Ilancy
Aug 28th, 2003, 01:07:22 AM
hehe

not that kinda screwdriver ^_^

imported_STELA'SHLIT'NURUODO
Aug 29th, 2003, 02:08:03 AM
hey , they both can be considered a tool.