Why Live....

[Neyasha]

What is the point... Why do people always want more from a person... Why must others change who they are just to be liked...

I'm sorry about this thread in advance... I have been the crying post to long, I need to let some stuff out... I've been bulding up and locking away my problems for as long as I can remember. Somethings I have managed to express and get out... But I have to vent... I know at least one person who knows me IRL will read this, so I hope I don't offend you, or anybody for that matter.

Today I Just lost it... But not around anybody... But the thing that fliped me over the edge was the fact I went into work today for training session, There were 20 people there and all of them were being called by their names... Except me. When ever the wanted me to say something or do something, they just noded at me! I have been working at that store for almost TWO YEARS!! and they can't even be bothered to use my Name!!

The last shift I had there this week, I was questioning why I didn't have many hours to work .... The answer I got was " You are not motivated enough".... How the frell do they expect me to be motivated when they only give me a stinking 4 hours a week, where I have to get up a 5am so I can peddle my butt of to get to work for 5:30am, and then lift heavy boxes for those stinking 4 hours, just so I can peddle my butt of to go home and get only a stinking $64 per pay check!

And that brings me to another problem. I am afrade of cars. I ride my bicycle everywhere and yet I live in fear of those Death Traps. When I was young I saw my First Love have their head crushed by a pickup truck. I was close enough to have my clothing splattered with their brain. And I have been scared of them ever since. Now my parents and my current love, want me to go and learn how to drive one of those THINGS.... I can't do it .... Even with my lover threating to drag me up there and forcing me to get my learners licence.... I just can't do it. When ever one passes me when I am walking on the sidewalk, I feel like I just have to get as far away as I can...

And for a good while now my Lover's parents have been saying that I have been saying things Like "You need to get a good job so you can become rich and suport our whole family when we get old." and even my lover has said that they are only with me because I am expected to become rich. I know all of them are joking, but some people have a hard time understanding that Jokes can hurt!! and that family tend to send alot of jokes my way that make me feal like nobody wants me for who I am.

Some times it feels like nobody cares if I live or die. And right now... That includes me.

[Ki-Adi Kindo]

For what it's worth, I care. No, I don't know you personally or know much about you, but I do know one thing. You're human, just like the rest of us. We all have to endure hardships that make it hard to even breathe sometimes, but it's faith that helps us to go on. My faith is in my God. Without him, I'm not sure what I would do most of the time. To be honest, I don't want to even think of life without him.

If you need anyone to talk to, you can always PM me anytime you need. I'm praying for you. :)

[Dae Jinn]

All I can add is, if you don't like your life, change it. No-one else can do that except for you.

[Pierce Tondry]

Originally posted by Dae Jinn
All I can add is, if you don't like your life, change it. No-one else can do that except for you.

I don't mean to insult you Dae, but that's unfortunately not the best advice. Things don't always change because you want them to, or even because you try to change them.

Neyasha, it sounds an awful lot like you could use some professional counseling. You probably can't afford that, but if there's any way you can get some I would advise it.

I would also try and talk about your problems with a non-involved friend who won't judge you, which parents, in-laws, and even significant others will sometimes do and not realize they're doing. One thing I would strenuously avoid is seeking impromptu counseling with someone over the Internet. I'm not suggesting you shouldn't vent or get feelings off your chest, but the Internet is a bad place to try and fix emotional problems.

Those suggestions having been made, you have my sympathies and well-wishes.

[Dae Jinn]

I'm sorry, Pierce, but if she doesn't like her job, she can get quit and find another one that has better hours/ better pay. If she doesn't like how her BF/Lover treats her, she can dump his/her sorry butt :p

If you don't even try to change your life for the better, then it WONT change. End of story.

[Pierce Tondry]

If you don't even try to change your life for the better, then it WONT change.

Trying != guaranteed success. You ought to know that.

[Charley]

I'm with Dae on this. May be a bit existentialist of me, but what else are you going to do about it?

[Vishalla Daoked]

*takes a deep breath before going to type anything and knows that ppl will figure out rather quickly who the Lover is*

Okay Neyasha. First things first. If you don't let me know that something I'm doing you don't like, how the heck am I supposed to know.

Second, if I truly was going to drag you up to get you learners, I would have done so by now. I know you don't like vehicles, and I respect that. That's why I haven't taken you up to get your learners yet.

Third, about the joking around, if there is a joke you don't like, or if it hurts your feelings, if you hide it, I have no way of knowing that you are hurt by it. And if you don't tell me, how am I supposed to figure it out if you hide it??

I in no way expect you to support my parents when they get old, just as I don't expect it.

My parents want you for just who you are. I want you for the way you are. I LOVE you, and you know that there is always ppl that want you for who you are. I CARE if you live or die. I couldn't live without you.

*makes a mental note to talk to own parents about the jokes*

[Ki-Adi Kindo]

Well said. :)

[Dae Jinn]

Originally posted by Pierce Tondry
Trying != guaranteed success. You ought to know that.

Trying = better than sitting around moping.

And yes, I DO know that because I'm severely depressed myself, and I have been having a bad week. Yes, I whine and complain about it, and then I move on and TRY to do something to take my mind off the stuff that's bothering me (Ie, I write, I chat with people who I know will be happy and funny, go for a walk, etc). It's very hard to do sometimes, but you have to TRY. It's better than doing nothing.

And, now, at least one problem is going to be sorted out. Now Neyasha, you just have to work on your job problem. I'm sure that with 2 years experience (possibly more), you can find a job that you'd enjoy more.

[Neyasha]

Thank you people.... I know I could use councling... And I have had it a few times. It helped for a little while, but then...*Shrugs*... I know that The internet is a bad place to try and solve emotional problems, but I knew I could count on people's suport, and advice at the boards. If you didn't notice, I tend to avoid using words that even identify the people in question's gender. So I know that the internet is dangerouse, but if used safely, it can really help.

Also I knew that if I posted this here, Some people that know who I am would see this and see how they could help.

I just needed to vent last night. I was in a bad mood.

As for the job bit... I like the people, I Like the location, I like the compainy, I like the discounts I get, I Just don't like the hours and the number of them I am getting right now. But it's better than nothing.

Thank you for all your advice.. :) It show that at least some people care. :)

[Pierce Tondry]

Dae: *Shrugs.* I'm not arguing that you're wrong- I'm not arguing at all, really. I'm saying the way you put what you said came across as glib and unhelpful.

Neyasha: Hey, I'm glad you were able to get some resolution out of this. Hope things turn upwards even more for you.

[Dae Jinn]

Sometimes you have to cut through the crap and be blunt. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. :)

Ney -- maybe you can talk to your supervisor about more hours? Or ask them if people need time off, if you can sub for them.

[imported_Eve]

Dae has it more right than you know Bri. You should listen to her.

:: Dae and Eve skip around together in happiness. When they get down they make casserole; they don't ask for MickeyDs. ::

[Charley]

^^^

:lol I could see that one coming.

[ReaperFett]

I've always looked at it in a way that suits me. See, I'm not overly religious, so I don't know what happens when you die. So by that reasoning, it could be worse than anything I suffer presently. On the negative side this makes death my biggest fear in life (Over standing over large drops. Not heights, just drops:)), but it also means that no matter what, I'm in for the long run, and I'm going to make the best of it.


Ever seen the ending to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, or From Dusk till Dawn? That is life. You can admit defeat and stay in the building. Or, you can rush out of there shooting and see how it goes.

"Wait a minute - you didn't see LaForce out there did you?"
"LaForce? No, why?"
"Thank God for that. For a moment there I thought we were in trouble."



I know that The internet is a bad place to try and solve emotional problems
I can think of at least three people here who have made me a better person, and at least one other on another board. Can't say that for many offline.

[Dae Jinn]

Originally posted by Eve
Dae has it more right than you know Bri. You should listen to her.

:: Dae and Eve skip around together in happiness. When they get down they make casserole; they don't ask for MickeyDs. ::

:lol!

[Pierce Tondry]

I think you guys missed my point entirely, but that's okay. Situation = nonimportant

[imported_Eve]

Nope, we didn't.

[Neyasha]

Dae: I talked to the people at work not long ago, and I have recently found out that I will have a total of 12 hours of work next week!

Pierce: I got your point... And i'm glad you stated it.. It's always good to see more than one side of an Idea... Thats one of the reasons I didn't have a problem with saying this here.

Fett: That is a good way to look at things if you have the guts to do it. I like to try and plan ahead, with some futile hope to avoid chaos.

[Dae Jinn]

yay! good! I'm glad to hear you got more hours! :D

[Sorreessa Tarrineezi]

heh, as far as hours go, happens to us all at some point, hell I got the same until I asked and hinted that I needed the money, and look, more hours! :lol

[Pilot Akito]

Thats good to hear!

I've been in the reverse, too many hours.... :|
It eventually got me kicked out of KSU, and back home to parents... But now I graduate in October :D .

[Wei Wu Wei]

Hours are nice. I'd work one hour a week if it made me some money. I'm jobless. But that'll change once I go back to college. Too bad my paychecks have to go directly to my tuition. The whole thing. ^_^; Oh well.

Glad to hear you are doing well, Neyasha.