The Amazing Re-Generating Threepio Thread (aka how to kill a droid in 100 ways)

[Threepio]

I have a bad feeling about this. *looks around worriedly, optics flaring in the semi-darkness*

Artoo? You're never around when I need you!

:cool :)

<font color=00FF00>THWACK!

<font size=-3>....zzzzzzzzz......</font></font>

:cool :cool

[Jyanis Scorpion]

*runs out of the shadows screaming with rage, clotheslining the annoying little pest before stomping its annoying little mouthpiece flat*

[Jyanis Scorpion]

*continues stomping, then stands back and busts open the metal torso with a baseball bat*

[Threepio]

*falls over backwards in a heap of gangly mechanical arms and legs*

Oh no! We're under attack! Somebody, help me!

[Charley]

I'm sorry, but this thread has already been won by me. :cool

[Threepio]

*regenerates*

Master Charley, please stay away from me... *backs up hurriedly*

[Sohei]

Does the church know about this?

[Jyanis Scorpion]

*stabs the stupid droid with numerous knives from the Miracle Blade Perfection III series (check the Home Shopping Network) until its circuits spew onto the floor*

DIE! DIE! DIE! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!?! DIE!

[Threepio]

I'm afraid the word "die" has little significance to a droid, Master Jyanis...

[Jyanis Scorpion]

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Threepio]

Master Jyanis, is something wrong? I am well versed in many sorts of battle cries, but yours is not readily identifiable... Perhaps if you do it again I can better classify it. :)

[Jyanis Scorpion]

Must... destroy... Kind of... thirsty... Could use... a drink... and... some ice...

[Threepio]

*turns to go get him a drink* Would you like your drink on 'the rocks' Master Jyanis? No?

"returns with alchoholic drink* You know, in many cultures the giving of alchoholic drinks is a rite of courtship...

[Dae Jinn]

Originally posted by Jyanis Scorpion

DIE! DIE! DIE! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!?! DIE!

*has a "Buzz" flashback to the Squirrel Hunter* :lol

[Jyanis Scorpion]

*pours the drink on the droid and lights it up, booming with maniacal laughter*

BURN!!!!

[Threepio]

*scuttles about, screaming and flaming, with much waving of arms*

[Jyanis Scorpion]

Oh yeah I was wondering why that came to mind

Hehehe

[ReaperFett]

*Puts high powered magnets on every side of the room*

*activates them*

*watches the droids get torn in many directions at the same time*

*watches Jyanis get hit by a large lump of THreepio*


Steeeeeeeeerike :)

[Jyanis Scorpion]

*bites into the large lump with a crazed look in his eyes*

[Threepio]

*POP! Threepio is scattered about the room*



*body parts slowly come together again, and soon...he is standing upright once more!*

[Jyanis Scorpion]

*drags Threepio by rusty chain and tosses it into a pit of molten lava, then runs away with his arms flailing madly*

BLAHHHHHH!!!!!

[ReaperFett]

*Sets 15 Kowakian Monkey Lizards on him*

*Watches as one accidently goes for Jyanis, chewing at his ankle*

[Jyanis Scorpion]

*bites into the Kowakian Monkey Lizard with a crazed look in his eyes*

[Park Kraken]

*There is a sudden flash of light. The droid is thrown into very small pieces all over the room. A piece of wire hits Fett in the eye, a piece of red hot tubing sets Charley's hair on fire. There, standing in the doorway, Admiral Kraken starts to reload his Merr-Sonn Missile launcher.*

"Hehehe. 100 ways to kill a droid eh? Make that 99."

[Threepio]

*droid and monkey lizards go crashing down into the lava! A faint voice is heard just before a splashy impact:*

Oh..my eyes!


*SPLOOSH....fizzzle*

[Park Kraken]

Drains lava, looks at melted droid. Looks at Charley. Looks at melted droid again. Pours in fresh batch of lava. Throws Charley in.

[Threepio]

*droid reappears, trying to instruct the next poster on the mating rituals of adolescent Rancors*

[Jyanis Scorpion]

*leaves to plead with the Senate for the funds to create a grand army to destroy the golden menace that is Threepio*

[Sohei]

*Throws shuriken 'with-a great speet'. Projectiles lodge themselves in each od droid's eyes*

[Threepio]

*with a blast of sparks, his eyes go dark*

Well now something is wrong, because now I can't see! *waves arms a bit while stumbling about, and bangs into a wall* Oh my.

[Park Kraken]

*Wraps chain around droid, drags it to a rocket. Ties Droid to rocket. The rocket is a 500,000 Megaton H-Bomb. Fires rocket onto next planet, explodes planet. Wreckage from planet crushes Sorrs house*

[Threepio]

*door opens, Threepio walks in ONCE MORE*

Hello! I am C-3PO, human cyborg relations. I am fluent in over six million forms of communication and I -

[Park Kraken]

*Slices droid's head off with lightsaber*

[Cirrsseeto Quez]

*rips droids arms off, and gnaws on one.*

:x

*Finding out that droids aren't food, Cirr walks away disappointed*

[Threepio]

*head falls to the ground, and the body follows. The door opens again, and Threepio walks over the droid body on the floor*

Did I tell you about the mating rituals of Ewoks? It is really quite fascinating..

[Park Kraken]

*Downloads 50 hours of Male Gungan porn into Droid* DIE a slow death!

[Threepio]

...


...


This is affecting my circuits in strange ways, Master Kraken...

[Charley]

A few dozen Charleys walk into the thread, pull Threepio apart into chunks that can be wielded somewhat effectively as clubs, and use them to beat Kraken into a pile of red jelly for being an unfunny hack / black hole of comedy.

[Threepio]

*the bit that is Threepio's head speaks*

Oh my! I don't think that my arms are supposed to be used like that, Master Charley! This is against my programming!!

[Charley]

*overwrites the programming*:cool

[Slifer]

Kraken regenerates into Slifer. Slifer grabs the droid's head, and downloads 100 hours of Barney adventures into it.

[Threepio]

DIE KRAKEN DIE!!

[Threepio]

*blink* I love you? I love me?

[Slifer]

Introduces Spong Bob Square Pants to Threepio. Bob ignores Threepio and hugs Charley.

[Wargrave]

*shoots a grappling gun through Threepio's head*

NO!

[Threepio]

*shorts out*

*S-FITZ!*

*New Threepio enters 'room.'*

Master Wargrave! I don't think that a grappling gun is very safe...do you? ^_^;

[Slifer]

Brings in Barney himself, Teletubbies, Jar-Jar. Room explodes into a hugging and singing free for all.

[Morgan Evanar]

*Rips light post out of the ground, and pounds Threepio like a tent stake*

[Threepio]

Eeep! *head is whammed into the ground*






....


*is that it? Are there no more 'regenerating threepios!? No!

Door opens... C-3PO enters room.*

Master Evanar, do you need help changing lightbulbs?

[Slifer]

*throws Charley into Threepio. Both fall into acid pit, and melt*

[Threepio]

AHEM :mad This thread is not "regenerating Charley or how to kill a fellow RPer in several amusing to myself ways."

It is about THREEPIO and as such your last post is ignored.

*scuttles back to help Morgan with the dusting*

[Taylor Millard]

*taps 3P0 on the shoulder*

"Good evening"

*slices the droid's throat with a Spyderco Harpy*

[Slifer]

*Uses force to throw dust into vents, threepio overheats, and explodes*

[Threepio]

*coolant fluid leaks from 'neck'*

I think your knife is too sharp, Master Millard. It is a hazzard.

[TC-10]

*walks up to 3PO....*

"Oh, hello"

[Threepio]

Oh my! *tried to cover leaking neck* I am C-3PO, human cyborg relations. And you are..?

[TC-10]

"I am TC-10, Human cyborg relations, I am well versed in over 6 million forms of communication"

[Threepio]

What a coincidence! So am I! I would be most interested in hearing your take on the battlecry heard at the beginning of this thread, from Master Jyanis. I was most... *falters, starting to overheat from lack of fluids* ..most at a loss to transl..sl...sl...laa..aaa

*eyes wink out, droid slumps to ground*

[TC-10]

"Oh my!"

*gently nudges Threepio with his foot*

[Threepio]

*door opens, Threepio walks in! (this sounds like the start of a bad joke ;))*

Hello, I am C-3PO, Human/Cyborg relations!

*stumbles over stacked up bodies of threepio-esque droids*

[Slifer]

Slices Threepio's head off with saber. "Hello, I am Slifer, Dark Jedi Knight, well versed in 6 million forms of droid killing. Who might you be?"

[Jyanis Scorpion]

*bypasses the slow-moving Senate and marches an army of the damned to face the wily droid and its new companion*

[Threepio]

Oh MY! *sees army approaching, and wets himself in fear. Well, if a droid COULD wet himself, he would. Instead he just waves his arms about a bit*

[Silus Xilarian]

*runs past army....rips TC-10's arms off*

*beats Threepio to a pile of scrap metal with TC-10's arms*

[Threepio]

*comes back to 'life'*

I feel strange... Master Xilarian! How good to see you! Did you want me to retell the story of Jar-Jar the Mighty Gungan to you, again? I am only a droid, and not very good at telling stories...but I can do the sound affects quite nicely. :D

[Taylor Millard]

*flies missile boat over*

*hits Threepio with an advanced concussion missile*

*flies away*

[Threepio]

*blasts apart into several thousand melty bits*


*comes back, AS ANNOYING AS EVER*

Master Xilarian, the story? I have several thousand other stories readily available if you'd like.

[Threepio]

oh, Frell it! I hate myself! *hangs self from light fixture*

[Silus Xilarian]

*jerks Threepio off of the light fixture and smashes him against the wall*

*and again*

*and again*

*and bashes him into the floor*

[Lilaena De'Ville]

*please hold! Threepio will be back for responding at a later time. Until then, please feel free to beat the frack out of him*

[Park Kraken]

*Puts on a pair of Charley style sunglasses, and starts stomping on droid's butt case*

[Ishan Shade]

*grabs Threepio and throws him onto his speeder*

Have no fear, I shall save you!

[Strider]

*Strider crashes his swoop bike into Shade's speeder, running over Threepeo in the process.*

And I just had the thing waxed too.. Now I've got droid parts all over it. :(

[Artoo]

Comes rolling in, full speed, successfully rolling his heavy casing and treaded feet over Taylor and Silos' feet. He then comes up to Kraken, zapping him on his behind with his electro zapper, sending the man jumping off and running around holding his rear in pain.

Lets out a string of whistles, toots, and hoots best left untranslated, directed towards the three men he has just assaulted.

He then swivels his dome to look at Threepio, letting out a mournful whistle that resembles an electronic sigh.

[Threepio]

*waves hand weakly up at Artoo* Where have you been? I'm laying here in pieces!

[Artoo]

Lets out an indignant beep and snort, before beginning to weld Threepio back together again.

[Threepio]

Thank the Maker! Artoo, you'll never believe what's been happening to me.

[Artoo]

If the stubby droid had eyes, it would be rolling them around right about now. But instead, he toots a question as to what has happened to Threepio... and what it was he said to start this "maiming of the protocal droid" fest.

[Threepio]

Don't get that tone with me, you wheeled lump of mechanics! Ow! Watch what you're doing! I was merely attempting to instruct General Scorpion on the fine points of Chiss courtship, as he appeared to be floundering a bit.

*Artoo lets out what can only be a snicker*

Well! I'd like to see you making yourself useful once in a while, Artoo. I was merely trying to help.

[Artoo]

It was a wonder his counterpart was still functioning, he thought as he welded in another piece. Once he was finished, he swiveled his domed head to look about and spotted the next piece on the other side of the room. Making a 90 degree turn, he shot out his magnet and attached to Threepio, dragging him closer to the next piece.

[Threepio]

Aah! Where are you taking me? Artoo! Artoo stop it! I'm getting all bumped around!

[Strider]

Uh, so how many Threepeos are there?

I just would like to know..

[Threepio]

Only one that I am aware of, sir. However, I am sure that there are many protocol droids on these boards that are very similar in size and shape, but with different designations.

[Strider]

Just asking, I find it hard to believe that there are more then one of you, but there are cruler jokes..

*Strider reaches over and turns the droid off.*

[Threepio]

*optical units go dim, and the droid slumps against a wall*

[Zeke]

I'd turn the droid back on, but that'd give rise to innuendo and jokes at my expense. :)

[Artoo]

Lets out a warbled chuckle, stopping the dragging of Threepio, and deattaching his magnet. He then rolls around to the back of Threepio and his his power switch to reactivate him.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Teehee!

[Jarek T'chort]

Pulls out force pike and blasts Threepio into the ground. Not finished, clicks fingers and drops a huge anvil on the golden droids head.

Ahhh so theraputic....:D

[Persona]

:rolleyes

Do you people have nothing better to do than smash a helpless droid?

*hides comically large hammer behind back, and continues to scold*

[Park Kraken]

*Fries Artoo's circutry with force lightning, uses force chok to lift threepio, and drop him down 1,000 stories into canyon*

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Hey, leave the little droid out of this! :mad

:mischief

[Sorreessa Tarrineezi]

:lol sorry my mind went elsewhere with little droid.....bad me....

[Threepio]

*sigh* I seem to be made to suffer. It's my lot in life.

[Jarek T'chort]

*Fires Death Star super laser at droid factory*

There, no more threepios now.>D

[Park Kraken]

Fires Ultra-Gamma-Ray-Light-Laser-Beams into ruins to corrode anything that survived.

[Pilot Akito]

*THrows popcorn at screen.*

Borring...

Why the heck doesn't someone send him into orbit, send him into the Maw, or turn him into Jonny-5?

[Park Kraken]

*I'm not finished*
Vaccuums up whatever is left, drops it into black hole cluster.

[Artoo]

After getting sizzled and tickled by lightning, Artoo toots, rolls up to Kraken, swivels his eye-piece to look up at him, chortles, and then...

KAAA-POOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!

A boxing glove comes out from one of his compartments and rams into Kraken's manly vitals. The humanoid was asking for it, after all.

After letting out a short string of obseneties, he rolls back and finished welding a foot to Threepio's newly blown-to-pieces body.

>>> Demonstration <<< (http://www.starwarsspoofs.com/r2.html)

Artoo saves the day again! (http://www.starwarsspoofs.com/droids.html)

[Park Kraken]

*Slices up Artoo like Yoda did Dooku in Star Wars spoof.*
*Yanks off Threepio's head, tosses it to Admiral Zahn.*

[Strider]

*Suddenly Admiral Kraken sees the business end of a Stormtrooper Blaster set on full auto.*

Now then perhaps we haven't made it clear yet, but YOU DON'T TOUCH ARTOO. You are only allowed to hurt protocol droid... not Astromechs...

[Threepio]

Artoo, are you all right?! :eek

[Artoo]

A low moaning whistle emits from the little astromechs dome, which is sitting side by side with his other parts. A whumming sound comes from the disjointed parts and the little droid is miraculously put back together again without a scratch. Yay for internal magents!

Turns to look at Kraken, bleeps out a naughty naughty word, and throws him a very elongated mechanical raspberry.

[Seteth Morters]

Walking tin can.... tin opener... tin can.... tin opener.... tin... opener

[Sets about Threepio's head with the can opener]

[Park Kraken]

*Fires Disruptor rifle at Threepio. Hits Artoo by mistake. Fires another shot, hits Strider by mistake. Fires again, Finally hits Threepio. Runs Artoo to Droid Repair Factory. Calls in Bodybag for Strider*

[Strider]

You idiot, no one dies in these threads..

*Strider gets up, grabs Admiral Kraken by the neck, and Threepio by the arm. Strider then takes them outside to a dark alley. A few seconds and a few screams from Kraken, Strider returns dragging a bloody Admiral Kraken in a Threepio suit.*

[Artoo]

Just stares.

O_o

[Pilot Akito]

Yes, Threepio is now naked again...