Attempted walkout (Please wait till Navaria posts..)

[Helenias Evenstar]

OOC : You'll get the idea then what I want :angel



Today was a day much like any other in the Order. Jedi Trained. Jedi studied. Jedi talked. Jedi in their robes walked the halls and corridors of the Temple, talking quietly. The sound of military style boots made for a real difference in sound, as did the brisk walk. The other thing that really made me stand out was the military dress and the sunshades. It was much, much different to the flowery dresses I had been wearing for far, far too long. This was the old Helenias back, the bitch from hell who kicked <smallfont color={hovercolor}>-Censored-</smallfont>, the one even Masters thought twice about taking on physically.

There was one thing about being a Senator, I thought. People listened to you and made spots in their schedule to see you. Even the Jedi Council. Even if I was still a Jedi Knight, Senator just had that much more weight to it.

The back pack I put down near the door of the Council chamber. The Padawana ttendant gave me a questioning look, for I was certainly not dressed in a manner of someone wishing to petition the Council.

"Senator Evenstar, may I escort.."

"No, I know the way" I said sharply. With that, I opened the door myself and went inside. Even after last night's talk with Pierce, I was still detirmined to do this.

"Hi there, I'll make this brief. I'm leaving the Order."

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria turned her head towards the forcefull bootfalls against the floor and recognized the air of determination that surrounded its owner ... Though, something about Helenias Evenstar struck the Jedi Knight as odd this day. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but it wasn't her annoucement.

Though .. it did raise a brow in curiosity, not surprise. Her non-chalant manner in speaking would make one think that her mind was etched in stone. Navaria felt that it was otherwise. The elusive presence that she sensed about Evenstar went hand in hand with that decision.

Her eyes relaxed but her mind was focused greatly towards the Jedi Knight, searching for answers.

"Would you at least give reason to the Council as to why?"

If there was going to be a way to counter this situation, Navaria had to hear what Evenstar's reasons were. It would also shed light upon the unspoken reasons as well and guide Navaria to the actual truth

[AmazonBabe]

:: AB just blinked. She knew Helenias to be an honest, hard working woman, and one that got things done and when they needed to be done. She was resourcful and strong, and the sudden revelation, bluntly stated as it was, took her aback. ::

:: She closed her mouth after realizing her jaw had gone slack, and slowly looked between Helenias and Navaria, the former whom had asked the question no doubt burning in everyone's minds in the room. ::

[Typhoon]

Unnoticed by anyone, the tall thin guy with the spiked hair that had been seen wandering the grounds with a broom was now outside, dangling from a rope. His purpose became clear in that he had a squege and a bucket of soapy water, he was cleaning the windows.

[Morgan Evanar]

Internally, Morgan shrugged. Helenias was, well, she was borderline in some areas. He had sometimes pondered that her extreme maverick tactics did both more harm than good, and set a poor precedent for other Jedi. True, she was a fierce fighter, resourceful, and occasionally a good teacher, but she was an incompetent diplomat, and an even worse example.

While his fiance's jaw went slack, Morgan's tightend with thought.

Briefly, his attention shifted to the janitor, and he wondered who the frell it was. Actually, he had asked about the skinny, spikey haired fellow. The only thing anyone was sure of was that he was employed here. It reeked of Marcus, who was always up to something.

"Oh." Morgan said quietly.

[Figrin D'an]

Outwardly, Figrin's expression did not change as he listened to Jedi Evenstar's statement. Behind the stolid apperance, the Jedi Master was disappointed that such a statement was made, but not surprised. The general flare of the proposal, and it's delivery, very much fit with the personality of the Jedi and Senator.

"I agree with Council Member Tarkin," he responded calmly. "The Order deserves an explanation for this."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Your question is easily answered" I replied, "I have too much to do and the ways of a Jedi do not suit me. As Madam Tarkin is no doubt aware, it was not my choice to be a Senator. However, that is the resposibility I now have. I also find that my ways are the ways of warfare, there is no place for one like that within the Jedi. The Jedi would want ones like Master Figrin, not me"

That was a pretty good reason, I thought but, as I scanned the room with my eyes and senses, I caught on Tarkin was ...

Or frell, I think she's seen it! I thought. She can see something different! Mentally I cursed, for I had hoped no one else would be able to see it, yet. Another couple of weeks, they would. But by then, hopefully I would be gone and it would not matter.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Dasquian simply frowned, but did not say anything for a long while. It seemed that Lady Evenstar had made her mind up on the matter and if Dasquian knew one thing it was that when she had her mind set on something, it was set in stone.

“Good luck in the rest of your life then, Lady Evenstar.”

[Xazor Elessar]

"You cannot leave, Mother -- I will not allow it." A voice calm, yet steadfast rang out from the doors of the Council Chambers. There stood Xazor Elessar -- her Daughter, and Jedi Knight. She had learned so much from Helenias, and had been taught the ways of the Warrior by her. Now she stood, clad in her flowing white robes and held a stand before someone she loved.

Her cyan blue eyes sat upon the Senator's face unmoving. "This Order needs you -- I need you. It would not be fair to anyone, or yourself, if you left. Besides, what has your excuse got to do with anything?" She questioned, eyeing Helenias carefully. Her senses then told her there was something else -- more to this story than met the eye. They would talk later, if nothing else.

"I too am a Warrior at heart -- I love peace but I deal with things in a manner less than peaceful at times. The Jedi love you and you are looked up to right beside Master Figrin!" The woman stated these as facts as she shifted her weight slightly, keeping her gaze upon Helenias's face with her pleading eyes.

[AmazonBabe]

:: AB blinked as Helenias gave her explaination. It was a good reason, but she couldn't help but feel the woman was holding something back... telling the truth, but not telling the whole truth. ::

:: She opened her mouth to reveal what she was feeling, and then closed it. No, she would confront Helenias at a later time. For now, she would let the woman keep whatever it was she was hiding private. ::

You will be keeping in touch with us, I hope. Even though you are leaving, we wouldn't want to lose track of you.

You've been a good friend and comrade to many of us... it'd be a shame to let that bond and friendship be tossed out a window.

[Ryla Relvinian]

While to my left Dasquian seemed sure of Helenias' actions, I could not be sure. Although Lady Evenstar had not always been the strong, serene Jedi that I had come to know, I always believed that she was still open to the reason of her peers.

Suddenly, before I could speak up, Xazor's voice rang out throughout the council chambers. As usual, she was right about the Order needing her, but something in Helenias' tone told me that all was not as it seemed.

This just doesn't make sense... I thought to myself before speaking up.

"Besides, it is up to all of the Jedi to decide who is wanted and who is not. If you are to leave, make it for your own reasons, and do not rely upon the untruth that you are not wanted."

I took a quick breath and continued. "If someone truly has informed you that you are no longer needed to us, then we would certainly like to speak to that person. If, however, your reasons are beyond this, we at least are owed a motive before you part ways with us."

[Pierce Tondry]

"Yeah, motives are interesting things, aren't they?"

Pierce had quietly entered the room, and was standing behind Xazor with his thumbs tucked into his belt. The lightsaber Athona was viewable beneath his Jedi robe; it quietly clinked as he shifted his weight. But it was the knowing smile on his blindfolded face that spoke the loudest.

"When someone does something, no one ever really cares about what or how unless they're extremely out of the ordinary. No, what everybody with a drop of curiosity in them wants to know is why."

Pierce paused and phrased his next statement very carefully. "I think some motives are going to get shared today."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor's eyes fell to the floor as she heard another enter the room and speak.

Pierce Tondry

"Great." The Jedi Knight thought to herself as she moved to the side and eyed the Padawan, bowing in respect. "Indeed, motives are a very interesting aspect of every situation. I support your words, Padawan." She said softly, turning her eyes to rest on Helenias as a knot formed in her stomach.

Sighing internally and shifting her weight, the Jedi Knight gave Pierce a glance sideways before speaking. "And though I do not support your choice to leave, who am I to argue? Though behind every action is a motive, sometimes it is none of the business of others -- even if they deserve an explanation." Xazor continued looking at Pierce as she spoke these words, and then turned her attention back to the Council.

Clearing her throat, Xazor decided she had spoken enough for now and would not until necessary. She had a feeling that Pierce was making a great deal of references to an event of the last week -- but she would not allow it to bother her. In fact, the Garou was at peace at the moment, but concerned for Helenias's choice.

[Navaria Tarkin]

A flash of concern came across Helenias' eyes when they locked with her's. The Knight wasn't completely sure but a look of nervousness, like the one she saw from the Senator, confirmed everything. The change in her emotion dropped the barriers even further to sense a presence around the Jedi that was very extraordinary.

Navaria was right in her assumptions, but the Force never did lie. Not to a Jedi. Now to handle the real reason behind Evenstar departure.

"Yes. I do understand quite well the position you have placed yourself in. But, I do recall that I only gave you the reasons for and against taking the position of Senator to Arcan. It was you that decided to accept that role .....

Just as it is your decision to leave the order. But I find your reasoning to be less then sound today as to why you wish to leave."

Unlike the others, she wasn't letting Helenias leave so easily. Not when the Knight knew the truth.

"There are plenty in the Order that walk the path of a Warrior.. to seek out justice in battle against the Dark Side. So... you do not walk alone in such matters. Your generalizations do not speak of anyone in the Order specifically who thinks your ways are wrong.

Actually... you do not event think so either."

Every word spoken was made with direct eye contact. If Navaria was an unfeeling individual, she could have put Evenstar on the spot right now. She was attempting to see if that stubborn facade would fade and the Senator would speak the truth.

[Helenias Evenstar]

I closed my eyes and and took in a calming breath. I swear, I was going to wring the neck of my Padawan.

"Stay out of this Pierce, it's not your decision and you are in no position or rank to question me, or call my motives to question"

I would have to put Xazor to one side - for she at least deserved a full explaination. I said in the language of my homeworld, knowing no-one else knew the tongue, [Why I have to go, Q'Dunn must not know!]

Turning my attention back to the Council once again, I decided that to speak to Madam Tarkin was the right strategy here. She knew, I could sense it. It seemed no one else had as yet done so, so.....

"I believe I am right in this matter. There are situations that I find myself in, that will require me to act contrary to the Jedi Code. While I have often stayed my hand if there is a conflict with the Code in the past, I shall not anymore. I can [i]not do so anymore."


Which was the truth, from my point of view. Maybe not now, but soon, very soon. I just did not see how one could be a Jedi and maintain this type of commitment.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria frowned, not convinced in the least.

"What is wrong has nothing to do with the code or how to act within it. There are others that have been put through similar ordeals and the Force has seen them through it."

She cast a glance over at Pierce and then back the Helenias.

You do not have to protect him from the truth...

The language was not understood, but the intent behind it was sensed.

[Helenias Evenstar]

He knows the truth, I want him to shut up and not blurt it out

"May I speak to you alone for a moment, Navaria?" I asked.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor nodded as Helenias spoke in a language that a very select few spoke around here. Nodding with a sigh, the Jedi Knight responded in the given language. ["I shall await you in my quarters so that you may tell me the truth."] She bowed but as she did, something became quite apparent to her. "No, it can't be." She thought to herself and shrugged off a strange feeling that she had gotten. The Force did not lie, though, and as surly as others could sense it with her so long ago -- so could she sense this secret with Helenias. It was tiny, but still, it was there.

The Garou turned and eyed Pierce for a moment, relieved that he had not brought up certain things from the previous week. With a simple bow of respect to him, she turned and bowed to the Council as well. "I take my leave, dear friends." Xazor spoke softly before turning on a heel and heading for her quarters where she would await Helenias's arrival.

[AmazonBabe]

:: AB sat silently, having listened to all that had been said. She certainly didn't want Helenias to leave, and would fight just as hard as the others to persuade her to stay, no matter what it was that she was frightened of. ::

:: But if worse came to worse, she would never turn her back on the woman. ::

[Navaria Tarkin]

Ah... I see

"If that is what you wish ... of course."

Navaria looked to her fellow Council Members.

"If the Council does not mind?"

[Ryla Relvinian]

"I do not mind, but I caution you... A divided council cannot stand strong."

If her motives were something that the rest of us couldn't know, then that usually meant that they would affect us. Of course, losing a longstanding member affected us as well, but usually people were not so guarded about their actions. At any rate, I was sure that the siruation was, by now, out of our hands.

[Pierce Tondry]

With a smooth, fluid motion Pierce jerked the lightsaber Athona from his belt and jabbed the emitter end into Xazor's side, doing so beneath his voluminous Jedi robe so as not to attract attention. "Not a word," he hissed. "Not one decibel slides through those lips of yours or I arrest you hear and now, traitor."

[Morgan Evanar]

"I suppose Senator Evenstar knows whats best for her. She is of her own will anyway, regardless of what we would say. Good luck." Morgan stated evenly, his accent coming on a little stronger than usual.

[AmazonBabe]

:: AB looked at navaria. ::

I have no objections.

However... I do echo Master Relvinian's comment.

[Figrin D'an]

"Very well... proceed," Figrin conceeded grimly. He glanced towards the rest of the council members, his face clearly indicated that he was not pleased with cloak-and-dagger tactics playing out before them.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor stopped short as Pierce's saber was jabbed into her side. She looked up into his eyes with a confused expression, but it settled to a slight glare.

For several moments, the woman was silent for she too did not wish to draw attention to the matter -- not at this moment, but she could not resist. "Arrest me, then." The Knight stated coldly.

It was no game she was playing -- and in fact, she knew that he would not arrest her -- at least, he hoped. The fact that he had called her a traitor did not make her feel wonderful, but she pushed the thought aside and awaited his reaction.

[Navaria Tarkin]

She looked at her fellow Council members.

"I understand how you feel, and I do not want us to be divided. What I have to speak of is not why she came her."

From a certain point of view that is ..

".... Either way, it is Helenias' decision whether or not she stays or goes and I shall inform you all ... but ... there is a matter here that is of a personal nature to her."

Her eyes looked towards the Knight.

"Our discussion is not for the public. Only she can choose to make it so. I would hope to think that I have earned your trust and would never do anything behind the Council's back without good reason...."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"I have no wish to defy the Council either. Nor, in the end, do I wish to ..."

I paused and thought what I would say over. No, there was nothing more I could say here for now, not openly. So i chose to bow to the Council, then moved to a private interview room, off to one side.

"So, you can sense it" I said, as Navaria came into the room and closed the door. "I was very much hoping no one else could as yet. I wanted to go before it is known... because I just dont think I can deal with this and be a Jedi. I tell you the truth in this, right here. That is why I want to go. I'm not much of a Jedi, I'll be no loss"

[Sage Hazzard]

Sage had stayed silent. He didn't know the woman beyond the fact she could kill him if needed. That fact gave her high esteem in Sage's book. Especially since it meant she was disiplined. And no one with that much disipline would make a rash decision unless it wasn't so rash at all.

As the two women spoke back and forth in that odd language, Sage grew uneasy. He didn't like the idea of secrecy in the council chambers. It only compounded the fact Helenias had more motives than she showed.

The Great Jedi Order needed strong hands, especially lately. Sage squirmed at the idea of Jedi who spoke when action was needed. Politics only got you so far. Helenais seemed to be one of the only few left that shared that idea.

Sage raised an eyebrow at Pierce and Xazor.

"If you two do not have anything to add I'd advise you to take a seat. Council Member Tarkin may take awhile."

[Pierce Tondry]

"I have separate business, Master Hazzard," Pierce replied calmly. He produced a datapad from beneath his robes and held it up. "By order of the New Republic, Xazor Elessar is to be taken into custody for questioning regarding her assistance in the recent escape of Lilaena De'Ville from an authorized agent of the military during an attempted arrest. Lilaena De'Ville is wanted on counts of murder and treasonous activity against the Republic, making Xazor's actions no small matter. Due to the delicate nature of the situation, I'd strongly recommended that any inqueries the Jedi Council has on this matter be directed to the appropriate New Republic offices, as direct interference in Xazor's apprehension will likely be seen as an attempt by the Jedi to protect one of their own from the consequences of Republic justice."

Pierce turned to Xazor, looking down at her coldly. "You're under arrest," he said.

(ooc edit) For those not already in the know, I'm referring to this:
http://216.73.105.30/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=29917

[Dasquian Belargic]

The Hallaeran Knight’s eyes were fixed on the ground, somewhere in mid-distance. A lot of confusion came over Dasquian as he listened to Pierce. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, looking between the other Council members – there was an odd silence left by Helenias’ words, and now this. Unsettling.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor lowered her eyes to the ground as Pierce read off of a datapad everything she was being arrested for. Clearing her throat slightly, the Jedi Knight felt stares from the Council members -- and then caught Pierce's cold gaze.

"You're under arrest."

It was simply put and the woman nodded in reply. "As you wish." She spit out the words like dirt in her mouth as she lifted her wrists to him. "I shall face the consequences of my actions -- but I shall never regret them." The Knight whispered.

For several moments the Council Chambers grew hushed and the Garou Knight could sense Dasquian's confusion. She dared not lift her eyes to meet his, though, not now. "Perhaps you are all disappointed in me, but Pierce speaks the truth."

[Ryla Relvinian]

There was a shocked silence in the council chambers. First Helenias' walkout, now this? I had the sudden sense that things here were running deeper than any of us would ever know, and I felt a great wave of pity.

What has this Order become? I thought to myself before speaking in a more formal tone than before.

"I believe that we will, of course, defer to the laws of the New Republic, due to the nature of this... situation. Knight Xazor, this situation is out of our hands. Any help you assumed from the Order will be absent for the time being."

I cast a sideways glance at Dasquian, who looked even more aghast at the recent revelations. Other Council members also seemed filled with intense dissapointment, and I was sure that the same questions were running through their minds as well.

[Pierce Tondry]

Pierce nodded to Ryla. "The full account of recent events as well as the warrant for Xazor's apprehension are on this datapad. You're welcome to look it over and ensure its full and complete accuracy."

Leaving Xazor where she was, Pierce delivered the datapad into Ryla's hand. Once it had been freed, Pierce's hand removed a pair of binders from his belt. He walked over to Xazor and pulled her hands behind her back, beginning to handcuff her. "Xazor Elessar, under Republic penal code you have the right not to speak until confronted with an appropriate agent of the law. You also have the right to seek counsel from an independant source not affiliated with the Republic government."

The binders snapped into place securely and Pierce took hold of them. "Until such time as you are officially cleared or sentenced by a Republic Magistrate, you are considered a criminal. Attempts to avoid your hearings will be met with appropriate punishment. Attempts to flee or escape the Republic justice system altogether will result in consequences of the gravest order."

The necessary words spoken, Pierce turned and bowed respectfully to the Council. Then he departed, pulling Xazor by her arm with him as he went.

[Marcus Telcontar]

In a place of still burning desert, a lone man was staring at the night sky. He wasnt doing much but thinking when quite abruptly, even over the huge distance of space, he felt a surge of emotion. It didnt take long to work out it was over the Life Bond he and Xazor shared - something they had wisely never told anyone else about. He was rather surprised that he felt anything, being such an enormous distance from Coruscant. A flash of binders in his mind, a push and words.

He closed his eyes, cast his face down and reopened his eyes, looking at the sand beneath his feet. Something akin to pain was all over his face as he considered what he had seen.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor lowered her head as her hands were placed behind her back. As Pierce began speaking, the Knight closed her eyes tightly. Everything he said seemed like a blur, save for a few key details. She nodded slowly and opened her eyes, looking up at the Council once more -- particularly at Dasquian. Thoughts of Valanya entered her mind and pain was evident on her face. "Melamin!" She shouted in a distressed voice. The word was spoken in a language only known by a few here -- one being Helenias. It was the same language they had communicated in prior to Xazor's arrest. Now she spoke her good-byes to her love.

"Amin mela lle -- Amin mela lle." And her voice faded as she was pulled from the Council Chambers. Tears threatened to fall, but the woman remained strong and fought them back, vowing not to allow Pierce the complete satisfaction of arresting her. Instead, she lowered her head once again and walked in stride with the Padawan. Of course, she dared not speak else he could use her words against her -- instead, she thought of what he had said. He had mentioned the fact that she could contact anyone for counsel outside of the New Republic government. Of course, she already had immediate contact with Marcus and Pierce did not know that. He was her constant counselor and this, to her, was a great advantage. Now for another -- she knew just the person.

Pierce's grip on her arm was tight and uncomfortable at times as they proceeded from the Temple. She shook her arm slightly and eyed him with a glare. "You do not have to handle me so roughly, Padawan Tondry." The Knight said in a rather derrogatory way. She looked away from him and out ahead of her as they walked. He knew so little of the plans that were stirring inside of her mind at the moment -- and though he threatened grave danger for escape -- she was willing to risk that too.

[Pierce Tondry]

"If you think this is rough," Pierce said absently as they waited for the pickup van he'd commed during their exit. "You're not going to like prison at all."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor scoffed at his words. "He really has no idea of my past." The Knight thought to herself as she caught herself smiling. "Oh, on the contrare -- Pierce." She laughed slightly and eyed him to her left.

This was going to be interesting and already she had ideas and plans churning within her mind. The NR would be in for a big surprise.......

[Sage Hazzard]

Sage's teeth nearly grinded themselves into a paste. He tried to keep his emotions in check, lest he be judged by his peers for his outburst, not to mention the fact he cursed himself for his own anger. His fist nearly drew blood as it tightened.

"Most.... Un... Settling..." Sage bit out. Finally his face transformed into a more acceptable scowl as his fist uncurled. "We must defer to the law of the government. Still I would like my words on record. Placing a Knight of the Jedi into restraints and reading her rights in front of the Council, a Council that first heard of this now, is very ill mannered. We should have been informed of this before hand. Out of courtesy if nothing else."

[Ryla Relvinian]

"I agree Master Sage, but what's done is done. We can only move forward and try to make the best out of the situation at hand. We cannot legally assist Xazor, but we can analyze the data given and proceed from there."

I passed the datapad to Sage, but honestly felt more confused after reading it. Xazor had always been... headstrong, independent, and some may have called that foolish. But this was such a shock, there was nothing to warrant her behavior.

[AmazonBabe]

:: AB blinked several times, trying to find her voice. First helenias wanted to leave, then Tondry came in with the accusation, Xazor didn't protest, and suddenly she was arrested. All she could muster were several blinks, until finally she found her voice again. ::

What just happened?

:: It was a rehtorical question and very unlike AB to be so surprised. But after witnessing what had just occured, it was hard to think anything could get worse. ::

Unbelievable...

:: It was a simple word that spoke volumes to the proceedings. What was the Order coming to?? ::

[Anbira Hicchoru]

"In light of such events..."

Anbira began, carefully measuring the words he spoke amidst the maelstrom of thoughts in his mind.

"...I recommend that we suspend a decision on Master Evenstar's fate, and deliberate immediately to discuss the more immediate situation."

[Ryla Relvinian]

"A good suggestion, but I'm not sure that there is much to be discussed in the way of Xazor's situation. What's done is done, and any deliberation on our part would only hinder the need for immediacy in Master Evenstar's decision."

It was a good plan, but I wanted to stick with what the council had originally been called to address. Somewhere in my mind, the thought occured that perhaps the two events were related, though I had no proof.

"I believe that the longer we wait the more fixed her opinion would be."

[Helenias Evenstar]

OOC : No more posting till Navaria replies please, your a mile ahead of her

[Navaria Tarkin]

It was a statement. Not a question and Navaria waited until Helenias was finished before speaking.

"Why is that? Forgive me... I do not understand. This does not make you less of a Jedi and must I keep reminding you, that you have always been a Jedi since the Council accepted you. Granted, you may not always be here in these halls because of your duties with the Senate, but you have always acted in the best interests for the Order, for yourself, and more importantly .. for others.

What you are going through now ... it will not go away. Ever. The Force will always be with you. This is a time to find strength within it. You do not have to go through this alone, Helenias."

The Knight was never one to ask for help. It was why this conversation was happening to begin with. Navaria would have to be the one to actually speak up about such things. She hoped that Helenias would see that there was weakness in that and that she wasn't looking at the Warrior Jedi any differently. The respect was still quite evident.

[Helenias Evenstar]

This is a time to find strength within it. You do not have to go through this alone, Helenias

Where had I heard those words before? Like a ghost from the past....

"But where is strength in this? Where do I find it? How can I possibly continue on with this happening to me! How can I do my duty? I just dont see how a mother can be a Jedi as well. The code warns against commitment and love, yet this.... inside me is going to demand that I give the very things the code says I should not. I just can't see a way around it"

"All my life" I said, looking out the window sadly, "All my life I have never relied on anyone. al my life I have fought and won, even against the Jedi. I don't think I can cope with anything different. I wish my foresight lied when it told me I would not have a choice in the matter - I wont get through this otherwise. I really don't know how to let anyone help me. Not even my Padawan, not even Xazor"

[Navaria Tarkin]

"These are different times, Helenias. Many Jedi have married and have had children, finding a way to be a Jedi and a parent."

In the back of her mind, Navaria was actually pleased that the Knight was willing to talk. She could feel how hard this was for Helenias in being honest about her feelings, and the difficultly she was facing with being pregnant. The conflict within her was so potent.

"But I know that is the problem you are facing. What is the balance between your duties as a Jedi and your duties to be a mother.

Honestly... I cannot answer that for you. That is something you must experience for yourself ... but not alone."

She had to keep repeating that. Hoping that Helenias would eventually understand ...

"Just because you are not sure on how others can help you does not mean that you need to shut them out or exclude them. You might find it surprising that they might have the answer for you if you just talk to them.

Much like now..."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"And what answer would you give to my problem, now?" I asked, facing my fellow Knight. "What should I do? In spite of your words, I just can't see a way past"

[Navaria Tarkin]

"You trust me enough to tell me the truth in private.. As to the solution ... that is clouded. Even to me."

She closed her eyes.

"We are not close. Perhaps that is why."

Slowly they opened.

"Speaking with another can help you with this dilemma. I am certain."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Who would you suggest I speak to?" I queried.

[Navaria Tarkin]

She raised a brow, curiosly.

"There is no one you trust to give you advice, though you have often been the one to give it in the past?"

Navaria was amazed that no one came to mind immediately eventhough she herself could think of one.

[Helenias Evenstar]

I frowned. I really wasn't understanding where Navarnia was coming from.

"No, there is no one. My family are estranged from me and I dont really have any friends. I never really developed any."

I did have a bit of a smile tho on my face now.

"Most Jedi don't trust me. They might be thinking I might blow the Temple to dust again"

[Anbira Hicchoru]

"When one strays from the path of the light, where can their journey lead but darkness?"

Anbira offered up a single, thought-provoking proverb to bring levity to the situation.

"You of course have the opportunity to silence such voices of dissent, should they exist. Leaving the order will certainly not do this, however. You will more likely meet the ghosts of your dark past, Helenias Evenstar."

[Helenias Evenstar]

When one strays from the path of the light, where can their journey lead but darkness?

Oh dear. I had no answer for that. None other than....

"I hear what you say, Master Hicchou. And I can't disagree. That's why I know not where to turn. There is no where I feel I can turn to I don't feel that I can go forward, but nor can I go back to what I was"

Maybe, said a small voice in my head, Maybe what you really want is a friend.

[Navaria Tarkin]

OOC um... arent helen and I in another room all together? o_O