Marga - Molding Mind, Body and Spirit

[Navaria Tarkin]

In one of the sabre training rooms, a Jedi Knight was training with great tenacity to perfect her technique.

Lunge

Parry

Sideways arc

pivot

slash ....

Around and around she danced, the light blue sabre blade coming dangerously close to slicing into her skin. Sweat soaked under her arms and back for she was doing this non stop for almost an hour. Each completion of the movement was an indication to increase the speed of the kata, something that was helped through the Force.

This particular kata was a focusing technique taught to her by Master Leia a long time ago, molded here and there by Navaria herself. She performed these series of movements each and every day since coming to the Order again at exactly ten o'clock ... Morning or night. Sometimes her busy schedule conflicted with the morning exercise. Not today.

Another sabre was taken off her belt and ignited, the yellow blade offsetting the color of the blue one. Now the twin sabres were used in synch, complementing each other as they passed around her body.

Her new student was to meet her at eleven thirty to begin training and it was perfect timing for the Knight to complete her exercises now and grab a quick shower before Marga arrived ....

[Marga Alton]

Marga steps into the training room to see Navaria training with great tenacity to perfect her technique. Having the habit of showing up early, she showed up, well early. She uses telepathy to talk to ppl instead of her voice. She's been doing that since she left home after the accident that ended up killing her oldest brother. Dressed in a yellow dress, with her necklace the gem wrapped in a silk bag so it is not seen. Her necklace had been repaired since she got back to the Order only a couple days ago. Her dress used to be tight on her, but now it is extremely loose. It looks as though she hardly eats anything, though in truth, for the last couple of days, she's been eating like crazy.

Domna Navaria?

Marga questions slightly, knowing that she is here early and that perhaps her new Master would be early as well. She is eager to continue her training, even if she's not completely up to it yet.

[Navaria Tarkin]

She had felt Marga's presence outside the training room and was surprised that the Padawan had entered. Marga was quite early to begin her lessons. At least that was a plus in her favor. Navaria had done her homework on this one. Malnutrition due to her kidnapping caused her to loose a lot of weight. Also, there was a problem with Marga loosing herself in her memories. It was as if her mind hid itself from all the galaxies problems ... The kidnapping didn't help matters.

Navaria could relate. She too had often done such daydreaming back when she was a child as close family members died in one tragedy after another ....progressively making her flights of fancy worse and worse.

Her legs sprung into the air for a spinning side kick, landing upon the group with legs crossed, fingers spread along the mat and facing Marga. The Knight tilted her head in greeting, smiling.

"You are early."

The sabre was extinguished so quickly that it took the Padawan by surprise.

"But better then late no?"

[Marga Alton]

I am sorry if my being early is a problem. I figured that I would arrive early so I could make sure that I wouldn't be late in case I had some unexpected problems along the way here.

Marga doesn't add though that she also would want a moment to get a bit more energy before her training started.

She closes her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath before she opens them again.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"No apologies are needed, Marga."

The Knight rose to her feet and clipped the sabre to her belt.

"I am not bothered by it. I only had hoped to get a quick shower before your arrival. As long as you do not mind training with a rather ... sweaty Master, I would be happy to begin your training right now."

Navaria motioned in front of the mat.

"Please sit and gain your strength."

She felt that the Padawan wanted a chance to focus and regain some energy. The child was still physically scarred and needed time... Needed the lessons to move at a pace suitable until all her strength had returned.

[Marga Alton]

Marga smiles and takes a seat on a mat, happy for a chance to regain some of her energy.

If you still wish to take your shower, I could wait here for you. But I do not mind if you are sweaty. It would not be the first time that I'm around a sweaty person.

Truthfully, it's easy for me to work up a sweat here. It's alot warmer here then on my homeworld.

Marga closes her eyes for a moment, happy to be amongst the Jedi again. Happy to back to where she is accepted for who and what she is. A slight look of pain appears on her face, as she slips back into one of her memories. The wind was blowing, faster then else where tonight. Mind you, she's on a horse, racing away from her home. The girl, Marga, was leaving. She couldn't handle it anymore. Tonight is the last time that she will take a beating from her Father. Just because she spilled her wine. He beat her for a good half hour before sending her to bed. Sleep is something she won't get tonight. She has to get away. Far away.

She had packed only a few changes of clothes, and a blanket to sleep under. "I won't put up with it anymore. I am almost a grown women and yet, he still treats me like a child. I am twelve, and most girls my age and getting their marriages sorted out so they can marry on their thirteenth birthday."

Marga nudges the horse into a fast gallop as she races away from her home.

Marga opens her eyes quickly after about 15 minutes, a look of pain on her face which slowly disappears when she remembers where she is. She does not know how long she was back in her memories, just that she was. GJO, not her homeworld. Not racing through the night away from her Father's home. She lowers her head slightly and says through telepathy to Navaria.

I am sorry Domna Navaria. I did not mean to loose my focus like I did.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"I think I will quickly grab a towel and come back. That should give you enough time to ..."

Navaria saw a look of tenseness cross Marga's face, followed by a severe look of pain.

"Marga? Are you all right?"

Nothing. She kneeled before the Padawan and tried to probe her gently with the Force. Mostly her reading was done through Marga's aura, which showed Navaria that the girl was good but troubled mentally. It would be intrusive to probe deeper and waited the fifteen minutes for Marga to snap out of her reverie.

"How often does this happen?"

[Marga Alton]

Marga doesn't respond immediatly since she's still regaining her bearings on where she is. When she does respond, she just nods at first, followed shortly by her speaking through telepathy.

Yes Vai Domna, I'm alright.

Yes, this does happen often, though I can go weeks at a time without it happening. Lately though, it has been everyday, sometimes two or more times a day which is not normal.

Marga keeps her head lowered, expecting to be punished for her lapse.

[Navaria Tarkin]

There had to be a trigger for this to have started in the first place, Navaria thought, looking briefly away from Marga. The mind was a complex organ. Trauma inflicted upon an individual could create many psychological problems ... Something the Knight was all too familar with.

She looked back at the Padawan without any judgement or signs of punishment, and asked as gently as she could.

"How did these start?"

[Marga Alton]

Marga lifts her head slightly and looks at Navaria.

I don't know. This has been happening to me since I was a little child. Though I do know that if I go through a traumatic ordeal, then they will increase in frequency. I have found no way to stop them, or to decrease how often they happen.

Marga sighs slightly, knowing that if these can not be stopped, she will eventually be living in her memories permanently.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Ever since she was a child, Navaria repeated in her mind. This was going to be harder then she thought, but what was life without challenge ... But it would be a challenge taken without hesitation if she was able to help Marga.

Navaria heard the sigh and offered a hopeful smile.

"Do not fret. I have an idea that might help. It would not be solution right away, but I think with training and practice, it could be."

[Marga Alton]

Marga gets a slightly hopeful look on her face at the possability of a solution for what she goes through. In having her memories stop haunting her like they do. She already knows that if she focuses on something, she can delay the onset of reliving her memories for a short while, but they always come. Whether she wishes them to or not.

If nothing else, it may help?

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria nodded reassuringly.

"Yes, at the very least it will help. In the beginning it might not work all the time .. but I know if we work at it hard enough, it will be enough."

She paused, formulating a strategy quietly to herself for a few moments.

"Now ..."

Her eyes furrowed.

"... when you meditate, what exactly do you do? I think that is where we need to begin."

[Marga Alton]

Marga bites her lip for a moment as she tries to figure out how to answer Navaria's question.

I usually don't meditate because if I do, I usually slip into my memories.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"That is a problem then..."

A serious one actually, but Navaria didn't say anything. A Jedi's ability to meditate was essential in connecting to the Force.

"There has to be something that you can think about that does not cause you to regress. A specific memory or object? Perhaps even a smell or sound that you find pleasing that you can concentrate on for a good amount of time?"

[Marga Alton]

Marga knows the answer to that one and she speaks it immediatly.

The smell of a freshly baked homemade apple pie.

A slight smile touches her face as she thinks of the pies she used to make at home.

[Navaria Tarkin]

A smile came.

"That is quite a good one. All right. Considering your condition ... We shall do this slowly ... I want you to concentrate on that image with your eyes opened. Visualize it firmly from the smell and the look of it ... Do not think of anything else."

[Marga Alton]

Marga nods her head slightly before closing her eyes to visualize, first the image of a freshly baked homemade apple pie, then the smell of it. While doing this, she goes to clear all other thoughts from her mind, focusing only on the apple pie.

[Navaria Tarkin]

So far, everything was going well.

"Now, close your eyes and do exactly the same thing."

Navaria rooted herself in the Force and latched onto Marga's mind in a silent and subtle manner. The Padawan would not know what she was doing but it was for her benefit. More when then if, Marga regressed into a memory, she was going to experience the trigger for herself and then catch the Padawan before she fell too deep ... bringing her back. Or try at the very least ...

[Marga Alton]

Marga keeps her eyes closed and continue to visualizes the freshly baked homemade apple pie. She can see it, and she can smell it. But it's not good enough. Have to make it better. SPLAT

The newly made pie hits the floor and there is a shattering sound as the glass pie plate shatters into a hundred different pieces.

"My pie!! Dad, how could you? I was goint to be serving that for dessert after dinner tonight."

SLAP

The girls, Marga, Father slaps her across the face and says "Very simple, it wasn't good enough. And besides, you're useless. I'm ashamed that you are an Alton, one of our noble families here. You are a very pathetic excuse of an Alton and I hope someday you will be killed."

"But Father.."

SLAP

Marga's slapped again across the face by her Father. "Marga, you know better then to talk back to me. Honestly girl, I can't believe how stupid you are. You are so very stupid."

As Marga slips into her memories for the second time since the her arrival into the training room, Navaria gets drawn into the memory as well, but only as an observer.

After Marga comes out of the memory, she's curled up on the floor, her hands at her face as if to try and deflect the slaps that came at her in her memory. She's also mumbling verbally, very softly though.

"I'm sorry Father, I'm sorry."

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria was appalled at the way Marga was treated as a child. There was never any reason for a Father to treat his daughter that way.

Her heart fell heavy, watching Marga regress and act as if she was still that small child being verbally and physically beaten. She scooted up and went over by the Padawan to sit behind her, placing a gentle hand to remove the hair out of Marga's face while she mumbled.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. You did nothing wrong. It was only a memory, Marga."

The aura of calm grew stronger and was coupled with a sense of peace to help Marga regain control.

[Marga Alton]

Marga continues to mumble for a few more moments before growing calm and registering Navaria's words. It was only a memory. Memorie's can't affect me now. Memories are of the past, not the present, and not the future. After a couple more moments, she takes a deep breath and pushes herself up into a sitting position on the floor before looking at Navaria again.

I'm sorry Domna Navaria. I'm doing my best, but at times, it seems impossible to keep myself in the here and now.

Marga lowers her head again, feeling that she has failed two times in the same training session.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"There is no need to apologize."

She lifted Marga's chin.

"Or a need to hide from me. You cannot control them .... yet. It will come, but you have to give it time. Besides ... with the Force, anything is possible. You just need to open your mind up to all it wondrous possibilities."

[Marga Alton]

Marga nods her head slightly, acknowledging Navaria's statement. Then she realizes that she was talking verbally a short while ago, before she was completely aware of her surrondings, but also notes that Navaria hasn't chosen to comment on it yet.

Each time I slip into my memories, I can't help but feel as if I've failed at something. What you saw, I'm assuming you saw because it felt as if there was a presence there which I could not account for, was one of my 'nicer' memories of my Father, or Dom Alton as he prefers me to call him.

Marga doesn't think it would hurt to let Navaria know a bit of the history which she's been through.

I first have to be able to do things beside telepathy without falling into my memories all the time. Though I'm sure, that with your help, a time will come where I can do anything within reason with the Force, and Not slip into my memories.

[Navaria Tarkin]

She listened intently to every word. This was important to Marga, opening up like this. It was a good beginning and the Knight was pleased that the Padawan trusted her so.

"But in a way ... you have one a battle... tough not quite so permanent ..."

Navaria smiled.

"You spoke. We are going to have to make sure when you do, it is not so traumatic. But .. one thing at a time."

A firm grip was placed on Marga's shoulder.

"Want to try again?

[Marga Alton]

Marga takes a deep breath when Navaria mentions her speaking.

I choose not to speak verbally Domna Navaria. After I lost control, before I came here, I used the Force to injure my older brother, my Fathers' Heir. I left at that time and I stopped speaking verbally. Then after I arrived here, I recieved a message from home, informing me that I've been accused and found guilty of two counts of murder. My brother died of the injuries I gave him, and my Mother then commited suicide.

Both are my fault.

Marga hopes that Navaria won't think any less of her for what she has just told her. Deep down, a part of her wants somebody else to tell her that it's not her fault. She looks down at the floor for a moment before taking a deep breath. When she looks up, she has a slight smile on her face.

Well, it would be a good idea to try again.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria herself understood what it meant to go through life and not utter a single syllable. The memories of Daleethria were firmly entrenched into her mind and there was a time that Daleethria couldn't even speak mentally to anyone. She was a true mute. Marga's was a self imposed punishment for what had happened.

"I am sorry for what happened Marga. We will continue then ... but .."

She approached this carefully.

".. may I ask why you wanted to hurt your Brother? Or was it an accident."

[Marga Alton]

It's not something that I find easy to talk about, but I know that I must at times. It helps others understand where I am coming from.

I was busy doing some needlework for a picture that I was going to give my eldest brother for his birthday. He came into the room where I was stitching away, grabbed the needlwork, looked at it and then threw it in the fireplace after saying that it was a piece of garbage.

At that point, I got so angry with him, I didn't know what I was doing. Next thing I knew, he was crumpled up on the floor against the far wall unconcious. I screamed, ppl came, my Father slapped me and sent me to my room with another slap across the face.

It was completely accidentul. I didn't mean to harm him. I wouldn't have lost control if I had've been sent to a Tower for training. All I was taught though was how to use telepathy since I come from a family of telepaths.

Marga takes a deep breath, fighting off the tears that threaten to overwhelm her. She has not yet come to terms with her brother's or her Mother's death.

I just wanted to be accepted by my Family. I did everything I could, but they always slapped me around and put me down. I had lost control of my powers before since I had not had the training needed to make sure that nobody gets hurt. But it's always been accidental. Never on purpose.

[Navaria Tarkin]

She listened with a gentle ear as it was obvious that this was difficult for Marga to talk about. The pain had yet healed from the incidents of the past.

"I am sorry."

An arm slipped around the Padawan's shoulders in comfort.

"We are going to work through this together. Your family may not have been there for you in the past, but I assure you, things will be quite different now with me."

[Marga Alton]

My Family was never there to help me in my past. Ever since they found out I didn't have a power which everybody else in my family has. But right now, I have to move on. I can't let myself to stopped because of things which have happened in my past.

Marga takes a deep breath again, regaining her composure and wipes the tears off her face.

I'm sorry about being so emotional. I'm normally not like this.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"No need to be sorry ... One must face their demons if they are truly ever to conquer them."

She squeezed Marga's shoulder.

"Ready to continue?"

Her voice was encouraging, hoping that the Padawan would be up to more training.

[Marga Alton]

Marga takes a deep breath and nods her head.

Yes, I am ready to continue.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"Good."

She was proud of Marga's willingness to continue. It showed strength and character.

"Before you regressed into a memory ... return to the point of meditation when you were focusing on the pie. We shall try it again."

[Marga Alton]

Marga nods her head slightly as she takes a deep breath and focuses her thoughts, first on the scent of a freshly backed apple pie, and then adds in what her best pie looked like. She manages to do this rather quickly, and she partially closes her eyes as she welcomes the remembered scent of the pie.


OOC: Sorry for the late reply.

[Navaria Tarkin]

OOC- late reply? what about me? :)

IC - Now ... fill in the picture of where the pie is located? What room is it in? Or.. is it outside? Slowly paint the picture of your perfect image that makes you feel safe and secure.

[Marga Alton]

Marga keeps her eyes partially closed as she 'paints the picture' of where the pie is. A table. The pie is on a table in a kitchen. A window is open, over looking a garden. Not just any garden, but one here at the GJO.

Deep down she knows that if she were to use an image of home, she'd slip back into her memories. The image she uses is of the small kitchen in her quarters here at the GJO. She feels safe here, welcome, and important as well.


OOC: You've been busy irl. I'm a patient person.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Now... tell me how you feel right now.

Marga had made it this far, and that was good progress, especially from the previous mishap. Now the test was to see how long the Padawan could retain the image in her mind before regressing into a memory.

[Marga Alton]

I'm feeling alright right now.

Marga says through telepathy. She spoke to soon. "Is that all you can do girl?? Tell me, is that all you can do??" A loud rough male voice says right before the girl, Marga, gets slapped across her face.

"No Vai Dom, it's" she starts to say before she gets interuppted by another slap to her face.

"You're nothing but a failure girl. I'm ashamed to call you my neice. What would your Father say if he knew you where like this?? I'll tell you what he would say. He would say that you are worthless, good for nothing cause that would be the truth." The man says in his rough face.

"But Uncle..." Marga starts to say before she gets a punch to her stomach.

"If I EVER hear you call me Uncle again, I'll give you thrity lashes girl, and then a week in the dungeon. Is that understood?" Her uncle asks her.

"Yes Vai Dom, it's understood." Marga pauses here before continuing to speak. "May I go now?"

After receiving a nod of approval, she turns and bolts out of the room which she's in and leaves the house, well mansion, not bothering to put her shows on despite the fact that there is snow on the ground. She has no desire to stay inside where her family is.

Marga slips into a memory again, and when she comes out of it, she's curled up on the ground again, silent tears streaming down her face.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"Marga, no!"

But even she was too late to stop the memory from taken over her Padawan. What bothered the Knight was by the time she even knew Marga was slipping, the hold of the memories was so strong that Navaria would end up hurting the girl if she intervened. Once again, all she could to was wait it out.

She moved towards Marga and cupped the girl's head gently into her lap. With great sadness, Navaria stroked her hair until the sobbing started.

"This is not working. I am sorry."

The Knight sighed deeply, but it wasn't in defeat. It was a sigh in doing something she wanted to avoid.

"There may be a way for me to stop your regression, but it would require me to control your mind in a way. Only the part of the mind that deals with memories.... It may be the only way for you to learn this technique."

[Marga Alton]

Marga mumbles a faint apology to Navaria for her slip back to her memories. She does her best to stop crying, knowing that she's old enough that she doesn't need to cry. This time though, she realises where she is quicker then before.

I trust you Domna Navaria. I'm willing.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria helped Marga up to a sitting position, but did not let go of the Padawan until she was quite calm. She scooted backwards and returned into a kneeling position.

"I am glad you trust me. It will make this easier, but I feel we must be quick about this. Considering how easily you fall into your memories, I have a small window of opportunity to get a hold of your mind. So .. I need you to relax, close your eyes and remove any and all thoughts from your mind."

[Marga Alton]

Marga nods her head. She's closes her eyes since she can clear her mind of any and all thoughts when she doesn't have something for her eyes to focus on. That and she's been instructed to.

After a couple of minutes, she nods her head slightly, showing that for now, all of her thoughts are gone.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria briefly looks at Marge; sternly, making sure that the girl had indeed banished any and all thoughts from her mind. Once satisfied that Marga had achieved that task, she placed the tips of her fingertips alongside the length of the Padawan's cheeks.

"Remember, keep all thoughts away from the surface."

She closed her eyes and reached out through the Force and easily established a link with her Padawan. It came with ease and a small connection was made between Master and student. That was the easy part, the actual mental link was another obstacle. With the Force steadily flowing into her, Navaria began to go deeper inside Marga's mind to find the song of her thoughts to harmonize with...

[Marga Alton]

Marga does her best to keep all thoughts out of her mind as Navaria goes into her mind.

[Navaria Tarkin]

The harmony was there, calling the Knight further into Marga's mind. Slowly, Navaria moved deeper into the Padawan's consciousness until the familiar subtle shift was felt as she entered the subconsciousness. There was no way to really describe that sensation except to relate it to being crushed momentarily so hard that it felt you were going to implode in that split second ...

Continue to keep your mind still as I go further.

So far so good, but Navaria was on a time table. Marga could regress at any moment and she really did not want to know what that felt like while inside her mind.

[Marga Alton]

Marga manages to keep her mind clear of any thoughts for only a couple seconds longer before regressing again into her memories. And since Navaria is in her mind right now, she gets to fully experience every sensation that Marga feels. A lone girl, Marga, is standing in a small courtyard by herself, a look of fear on her face as she keeps turning around because she's hearing voices somewhere. She can't spot them but they're laughing at her. One laugh sounds like her Father.

^crack^ A whip cracks through the air and lands across her back. She cries out in pain as it lands across her shoulders, digging into her flesh, causing her to spin around.

^crack^ The whip cracks again, this time landing across her chest, causing her to spin to the ground, screaming in pain.

The laughter gets louder as the whipping continues.

"STOP" Marga screams, trying to get the whipping to end, to cease her torment.

Minutes, or hours, or a day later, she's not sure, she's curled up in the corner of the courtyard, her dress in tatters, clinging to her scabs on her body. A new person comes into the courtyard and walks directly towards where she is laying on the ground, shivering.

'It's alright Domna Alton. They're gone. Now let's get you healed up and then we'll see you home again.' the lady said to her as she gets picked up and carried out of the courtyard. Blood is everywhere on her.

She gets laid down awhile later on a soft surface. Her dress is removed, though it pulls some of the scabs off and they start to bleed again.

When Marga leaves her memory, she's sprawled out on the floor, sobbing in pain. Her face, arms, and hands are red as if something happened to her.

[Navaria Tarkin]

:: will edit with proper response tomorrow ::

I need to think on this one :)