Cruelty of Love: In The End (Dasquian, Terran)

[Xazor Elessar]

"Don't Stay"
By: Linkin Park



Sometimes I
Need to remember just to breathe
Sometimes I
Need you to stay away from me
Sometimes I'm
In disbelief I didn't know
Somehow I
Need you to go

Sometimes I
Feel like I trusted you too well
Sometimes I
Just feel like screaming at myself
Somestimes I'm
In Disbelief I didn't know
Somehow I
Need to be alone

Don't stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
What you were changing me into
[Just give me myself back and]
Don't stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
Take all your faithlessness with you
[Just give me myself back and]
Don't Stay

I don't need you anymore
I don't want to be ignored
I don't need one more day
Of you wasting me away

With no apologies


* * * * *

It was a warm day and many Jedi were out walking in the gardens growing about the Greater Jedi Order. The scent of the flowers filled the air like an intoxicating perfume and swept up one with the lightest heart. Beside the scent, love also filled the air this day whether it was a young woman reminiscing on a love lost or a young man in a state of gone due to the subject. Whatever the case, happiness seemed to manifest itself in everything, even the singing of the birds.

Along the walkway toward the Jedi Living Quarters a young woman clad in white flowing robes walked. Her waist length Garou Warrior Braids were done in various circles atop her head allowing only a minimal few to hang down upon her back. The silver coins woven into them crowned her head in a tiara-like fasion. She seemed to glow despite the darkness that loomed within her. It was not the kind of darkness a user of the Darksider felt, though -- it was a mixture of circumstances, feelings, thoughts, and regrets that created a hollow within her.

This day, though, she would put it all aside and spend some quality time with the father of her child and the love of her life, Dasquian Belargic. Little Valanya was spending time with her grandfather while both Jedi trained others and worked within the Temple giving Xazor, primarily, a break from the infant. Lately life had been rather hectic. A week ago the Garou broke off her engagement with Terran Starek -- someone she loved but could not be with. Too many factors made it an imperfection in her life, mainly that Dasquian held such a deeply rooted love for her and she had made a mistake in breaking things off with him long ago. For the last few months, Xazor made every excuse in the book to avoid Terran, though her heart broke from doing so. Now, she had done the ultimate thing and had handed him his engagement ring, lying to his face about her true feelings for him.

She was a broken woman.

At an attempt to put the thoughts behind her, the Jedi Knight took a large bow in her hand and a quiver of arrows upon her back to Dasquian's room. Both were given to her by him as a gift some time ago, and she had never really had the chance to learn how to properly use it. So now, she stood before his door and knocked, wondering if her fellow Jedi and mate wouldn't mind sparing a few moments of his day to teach a pretty young Garou woman how to properly string a bow and shoot an arrow from it.

"Come in, the door's open!"

He called and with the turn of a knob, the door slowly creaked open and Xazor walked in with a smile upon her face. Closing it behind her, or so she thought, the woman moved toward him and set her belongings upon the floor before wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

"Cormamin lindua ele lle, melamin." My heart sings to see thee, my love.

She whispered the greeting in his ear before kissing him on the cheek and pulling away just enough to look into his eyes. Their color and depth never ceased to draw her in, drowning her in his very soul. The Knight lost her breath everytime silence swept over them and she gazed deeply into the oceanic orbs of his eyes. It was truely incredible and for just a moment, she stopped in her place and stared without realizing it.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Thoughts of Sejah or Corin being around the communal room, and intruding on the two, were pushed out of Dasquians mind the moment Xazor entered the room. Something about her presence set him at ease and reassured him that he had nothing to worry about. It was in this moment of stillness between the two, as they stood perfectly motionless engrossed in adoring gazes, that there was a clattering – the quiver the Garou Knight carried slipped from its moorings. Snapped out of the apparent trance, Dasquian knelt down to lift the arrows piece by piece into their container.

In the seconds in which they had been so entranced by one another their minds had brushed together and for a second Dasquian had felt the turmoil within Xazor. He knew not to intrude into her feelings, and thus always reasoned that the best he could do to help was to try and cheer her up, to give her something to reminder her of what a rich and blessed life she lead.

“We can go practice in the courtyard,” the Knight nodded off to his right – the room, as it was one of the larger ones, had its own patio and small garden, which Dasquian tried to keep in check.

“I’ll just get my stuff.”

Xazor nodded ‘okay’ and made her way out through the double doors as Dasquian rummaged through the trunks beneath his bed to find his what he was looking for – a broad wooden board, with a rough target drawn onto it. It had a stand on the back, and was easily set up to aid in archery practice. Once outside with Xazor, he set it in placed some distance away from where the two would stand before returning to Xazor’s side.

“Show me your natural posture for holding it…” he smiled and folded his arms over his chest, as he watched his love from her flank.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled as she lifted the bow into her hands and eyed it thoughtfully for a moment. Dasquian spoke and brought Xazor from her trance, instructing her to fall into the natural position with the weapon. She nodded and took the bow in her right hand, completely oblivious to the fact that she had to turn her body sideways, and she drew the string back with her first and middle fingers on her left hand. Of course, there were too many flaws to count in her stance and she blushed in the knowledge of this.

"I know it's wrong -- I haven't been able to shoot a damn arrow out of the thing as of yet!"

She exclaimed with obvious frustration, but a willingness to learn from him. The Knight attempted to move her feet more apart and regulate her weight to make her stance appear better, but alas, she knew not what to do to fix it.

"I'm sorry -- this is why I came to you, though. I knew you could help me, my love."

[Dasquian Belargic]

“Oh dear, you are rather bad at it aren’t you,” Dasquian smiled impishly, obvious just joking.

With a few steps forward Dasquian brought himself to Xazors side, and motioned for her to once again lift the bow. She followed his instructions though some how still managed to end up holding the bow in such a fashion that would make it difficult for her to fire quickly, let alone fire at all. Her frustration was almost tangible – Xazor was good at so many things, so it must have been a little off-putting when such a hurdle was presented. It brought a smile to his face, even if Xazor could not see it. The small idiosyncrasies about her personality and her movements that he noted and in turn loved her all the more for.

Deciding that perhaps a more hands-on approach would help, he stood behind Xazor and – with his arms stretched around her gently set her hands into the correct places, with two fingers on the stringer. He lifted his hands away and gestured drawing the string back, effectively miming that Xazor would have to do.

Stood behind her, he inhaled lightly and wondered how, to a Garou, the scents of others must have seemed – especially the sweet aroma that he could always taste in the air when Xazor was around.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled gently as Dasquian moved his arms around her to help with the positioning of her hands. She felt more comfortable now that he had fixed her wayward limbs. The Knight drew the string back but accidentally let go and the string snapped her right forearm. She winced and clenched her teeth together tightly, noting the deep red mark and small gash that appeared in place on her flesh.

"DAMN!"


She howled in pain as she removed her left hand from the string and rubbed the welt from from the right. Her eyes stung with tears for she had never felt something that aweful before, not even childbirth was that horrendous.

"Sorry -- I know something was wrong that time."

The Knight stated with a hint of regret. She knew that moving her arm was a bad idea but she did so because it felt more natural. Now she paid and learned her lesson -- her arm would not move an inch the next time.

"Okay -- I will get this! I get everything else! Why not this simple task?"

[Dasquian Belargic]

“Don’t get wound up about it… you just need to practice,” Dasquian assured.

This time, to help further, Dasquian kept his hands in place as she went through the motions with Xazor. Hopefully this way, though he was effectively the one firing the arrow, she would gain a better feeling for what was needed. With a tug of the string an arrow shot out, and Xazor seemed to jerk backwards into the Knight behind her as though the force of the bolts expulsion had knocked her off guard. The shot itself had landed neatly on the target and, presumably, because of this, the Garou gave a cocky little laugh.

“Well done, Miss Dawnstrider.”

Eager to test her skills, she slipped another thin arrow into the string and drew it backwards. For a moment it looked as though she would let it go, until she glanced back over her shoulder slightly and asked:

“Could you show me one more time?”

There was a playful smile playing across her lips as she looked back towards the target. Dasquian nodded and slipped his arms around her body once more, glancing downwards as Xazors body shifted comfortably back into his embrace. The back of her head was against his chest, just beneath his chin. His fingertips brushed lightly against hers, as he felt her grip on the bow loosen somewhat – her attention divided now between the bow and her lovers gentle caress.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor couldn't help but giggle as Dasquian held her close. Her eyes were fixed down the center of the arrow, but she could not help but glance back at him over her shoulder.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing? I -- I think you're still a little too far away for me to fully grasp the concept."

She spoke softly in a seductive manner. Slowly the woman inched back until she felt herself completely against the Jedi Knight. His abdominal muscles were evident to her middle back now and her head fit even more perfectly under his chin. They were snug against one another and this brought a smile to Xazor's face.

"I think your feet are in the wrong places -- hold on, I won't let you fall."

Dasquian spoke softly in her ear before taking his right foot and gently nudging hers out. He slowly twisted her body toward him until they were both standing a bit sideways to the target. His right foot was now to the outside of hers -- his leg gently touching the Garou's.

"Now I think we've got it."

She whispered to him as she tilted her head back to gaze up at her counterpart. Smiling as brightly as before, the woman set her attention -- or at least half of it -- upon the bow in her hand. She felt as though the lesson was progressing quite nicely.

[imported_Terran Starek]

How he had managed to conceal such emotion baffled him. He had stood in the midday shadows of the courtyard, the entire time his breathening quickening and his pulse rising. It must have been something between them that had distracted the two from noticing his presence, for the young Jedi stood with an emotion in him greater than he had since he had realized who he was. . .

And who Xazor was.

He turned away, the sight of the two growing closer a sharp pain in his stomach. It nearly made him sick to watch the two--nuzzled together, flirting, whispering playfully. He couldn't believe it, he just couldn't. Xazor, the love of his life, had lied to him. The entire time that they had grown apart was not because she needed some time or because she was busy. It was because of him. It was because of that coniving, backstabbing Dasquian.

No. You don't mean that, and you know it. You're being very foolish here, don't you think? I mean, come on--

SHUT UP! I will do as I see fit. I have been wronged, and my feelings must be made known. Something cried out inside him. Something that he rarely listened too. It was too powerful, too misguided, too full of emotion.

As Xazor giggled and reached around to touch Dasquian, Terran could tolerate no more. Hs heart broke into a million pieces. But it was not sadness that fueled him. He did not wish to grieve or go meditate. He wanted to settle this right now. He wanted to let everyone know how he felt.

He was angry, and it showed.

"I see. . .I see you're back to your busy training schedule, Xazor." Something was strange about his voice. It was darker--as though it was not even himself. It was irrational, something that in all of their time together, Xazor had never heard in his voice before. His eyes took on a color not common since his days with the Sith as he glared at Dasquian.

"Master Belargic," he said, a definite tone of animosity in his voice. It was not strong or prevelant, but it was there. Xazor looked a bit stunned, and Terran almost smiled. Something wanted to cause him to smile--something dark inside of him.

"I'm sorry if I was interrupting," he said again. "But apparently, Xazor and I have some unfinished business. If you'll excuse us. . ." He wanted answers. and it was easy to tell that he was extrememly upset at the sight of the two.

Stay calm. . .stay calm. . .if you're going to do this, stay calm. . .

[Dasquian Belargic]

“Ahum…”

His first instinct told Dasquian to move away from Xazor. This was guilt coming into play. Being the first emotion to appear, it made him step away rather clumsily, and his hands got tangled up in the bow in the process. A grimace came over his expression as the taught string nicked his fingertips and caused a sharp pang of pain to rush up through his hand.

“I mean, yes, of course.”

What he felt next was worry. There was a definite anger in Terran, and it was not the controlled anger that sometimes could be found in frustrated Jedi. It was not harnessed particularly, and it was not mild. Dasquian’s eyes fell to the floor, as his transgressions jumped upon him, once again flushed out into the light of day. Away from their protective veil, from their shielding cocoon, these acts were no longer the expressions of two lovers – but attacks; attacks on a union.

Dasquian felt, for the first time, an unsettling sense of déjà vu.

“I’ll… go inside.”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor and Dasquian parted for the time being and immediatly the Garou felt her face flush a terrible shade of red -- but unlike other times, it was not disappating. She felt a hard lump form at the back of her throat and her eyes fell to the ground immediatly. Never before had she felt guilt so strong -- never before had her heart felt so crushed.

"Detholalle, melamin -- uuma dela." Your choice, my love -- don't worry.

She said softly in a language that was beautiful and flowing. It was evident that she and Dasquian were having their own conversation through the use of a secondary dialect, and at the moment, Xazor cared not if this was not pleasing to Terran. Her eyes trailed after Dasquian who moved inside and left the broken lovers alone.

"Why did you come here? I told you not to wait for me -- to not come after me."

Xazor spoke gently and softly, keeping her emotions in check all the while. For but a moment her cyan blue eyes glanced up at Terran only to see a face belonging to someone she had never seen before -- he appeared angry, to say the least, and there was a fire in his eyes that Xazor had seen only a few times before. She swallowed hard as beads of sweat formed on her brow. The Knight slowly lowered the bow in her hand until the tip of the bottom touched the ground and her attention seemed to be drawn to it.

"It -- it wasn't what it looked like, Terran. He was just helping me with some combat issues I had -- mainly learning how to use my bow. You can't take that away from me, Terran -- Dasquian is my friend and also the father of my child, it is difficult for me not to trust him and come to him with issues."

She looked up at Terran for a moment before allowing her eyes to fall down his body until they came to rest at his feet. Xazor felt hollow and empty inside. She felt like she had betrayed everything she once knew -- and indeed, she had.

"It -- it isn't what it seems, okay?"

The Garou pleaded quietly before glancing back behind her to see Dasquian's face in the door. Her heart sank as she longingly glanced at him and then turned her head back to her ex-love once again, truthfully feeling a tinge of fear at the aggressive feelings about his aura. She was confident in herself, though, and knew if something happened -- something unexpected, she would be prepared.

[imported_Terran Starek]

"STOP IT!" He shouted, angrily, as she spoke. He grabbed his face and then turned away from her, as though his plea had hurt him to say more than it had hurt anyone around him to hear. He was nervous and upset at the same time--nervous about how he was feeling, but admittedly very upset. He turned back to face her. "I know what's going on, Xazor. I know." He turned away, walking a few paces away from her.

"Did you honestly think I wouldn't come here, Xaz?" He gripped his hair painfully as his mind twisted in a million directions. "Did you think I wouldn't try to fight for something I thought was right? Did you think I would just go on, not knowing the truth?"

"Terran, please, it's not--"

"NO MORE LIES, XAZOR!" He approached her almost threateningly, and then drew back, realizing how aggressive he was being, hoping not to do that again. He rubbed his temples. "When were you going to tell me, Xazor? At your wedding? Or were you to wed in secret, behind my back, just like you've been seeing him for the last month." He saw the look on her face. It wasn't just a look of guilt--it was sadness. Something inside of him told him that she had never meant it to be this way. Never. That she never would have done such a thing to him.

But his anger masked his reason.

"Don't begin to cover it up, Xazor. I know. I know." He turned away again, the tears pushing down his face as he felt more and more confused and angry. "I don't want to hear anymore of your lives. Never." The anger grew.

"Just tell me one thing. Why? Why? Why would you do this to me? Why would you?"

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor's right hand shot to her lightsaber's hilt on her left hip and she gripped it firmly as Terran neared her. His stature was tall and overpowering, but the Jedi Knight knew better than to fear him -- if he even thought of attacking her she would know.

"Why do you pretend to know so much when in reality, you know nothing of me?"

She questioned, her voice calm with only the hint of shakiness. Deep within she was nervous, fearful, and saddened. Her heart was crushed and now, it seemed to fall from existence.

"Terran -- you were the love of my life so long ago -- then you returned and I felt almost -- almost ob --"

Xazor paused and looked up at him, the grip on her saber loosening just a bit as she took a few paces back, shaking her head in disbelief at what she knew she had to say.

"Obliged -- Terran, I felt obliged to take you back into my life. It was too soon -- you had changed -- I had changed. Dasquian and I were having problems and I was weak, vaunerable even. Terran I --"

He looked up at her with such emotion in his eyes that she had to stop. The man shook his head and stepped forward toward her triggering the woman's hand to tighten on her weapon once again.

"Stop -- just -- STOP IT!"

Again the words flowed from his lips like a torrent -- an angry river pouring forth from the ledge of a mountain high -- beating and crushing all beneath it until it had weathered all to its mold.

"CHASE! He is the one I loved -- not this man who has conformed to be something he isn't! YOU DON'T KNOW ME! But you know what? He did and guess what else?"

The Knight smiled slightly, nodding over her shoulder in Dasquian's direction.

"He knows me -- he loves me and you can't take that away from me."

[imported_Terran Starek]

"Obliged? Obliged?? How can you say that! It was love!" He argued with her even as she spoke. It was terrible--he was falling apart before her eyes. He became someone new, someone she didn't recognize or know.

"CHASE! He is the one I loved -- not this man who has conformed to be something he isn't! YOU DON'T KNOW ME! But you know what? He did and guess what else?"

"I DO TOO KNOW YOU! I know you better than anyone else! Anyone else, here, especially! I've known you for so long!" He was breaking down before her, tears now staining his eyes. He sobbed, through his words, finding himself swelling with emotion. He could barely control himself.

"He knows me -- he loves me and you can't take that away from me."

Something exploded inside Terran and his eyes grew a shade of dark blue that Xazor had never, ever seen.

"No one tells me what I can and can't do." He grew calm--the crying and emotion stopped. He'd changed. He had grown to be someone he had feared. It was a visible change--his eyes growing darker, his demeanor changed as the air around him shifted and he became colder. He had snapped inside, and something else was taking shape. "You wanna watch me?" He removed his lightsaber from his belt and turned to face the window from which Dasquian had been watching.

"DASQUIAN! You've done all you can behind my back," he looked back at Xazor as his eyes told the story of the despair he felt. "Now come and finish the deal." The green blade of Halcyon ignited at his side, the lightsaber humming idly in his hand. He threw off his cloak, standing between Xazor and the window.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor growled deeply and narrowed her eyes at Terran as he spoke. She could sense his pain -- in fact, she could see it in his eyes.

"Maybe you used to know me, Terran -- but you don't anymore -- you don't."

She said quietly and then heard the change in his voice as he informed her that no one would tell him what he was entitled to do. Everything seemed to slow down ten fold until Terran's movements seemed to nearly cease -- that was, until he drew forth his saber and ignited it, then everything flashed back into real time.

"DASQUIAN! You've done all you can behind my back, now come and finish the deal."

The words entered Xazor's ears and in that instant she felt fear and disbelief. The Knight knew very well what Terran was capable of in battle -- and she also knew what Dasquian could accomplish. It would not be a good thing -- and someone would die.

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP IT NOW!"

Xazor drew Love from her weapons belt and ignited it. Two blue blades shot forth from each end of the hilt and the weapon hummed gently in her hand. Suddenly the Garou lept forth at Terran and brought one blade close to the back of his neck.

"I'm not afraid of you -- I'm not afraid of what you are capable of doing to me for I have confidence in my own abilities. I would hate to have something happen to you, though, if you even touch Dasquian."

Her words were calm yet fierce in tone. She was shaking ever so slightly as she attempted to imagine hurting Terran for something he wished to do to Dasquian. The Knight shook her head and growled once again, angry at herself for the way things had gone.

"Terran -- it would be wise of you to step down. Step down Terran -- STEP DOWN! STEP DOWN NOW!"

She spoke calmly and softly at first -- then tension rose in her voice until she was screaming at him. With a few steps forward, the woman shoved Terran with her left hand to bring his attention back to her. She could feel Dasquian's concern but tried to put it from her mind.

"This isn't about him -- it's about us. If you have something to prove, prove it to me -- unless you're too much of a coward."

She spit out the words, but quickly slapped herself mentally for breathing them. Xazor knew that she did not mean what she had said -- but it was too late and now she stood face to face with one she loved and cared for -- but one she had to let go.

[Dasquian Belargic]

snap-hiss

“Both of you!”

The orange blade of Dasquians saber flicked upwards, singling out first Terran then Xazor. The Jedi Knight was growing faintly read in the face.

“Stop this, now.”

His brandishing a weapon was mere defense now, as the thought of Terran turning on him loomed in his mind.

“What is done is done, and this cannot be changed. Perhaps indeed transgressions have been made that could have been avoided – thoughts and words that could have been better put, or actions better done, but they are all in the past now and cannot be changed. Are we not Jedi? Are we not diplomatic in our ways?” Dasquian implored,

“Surely you see fighting will accomplish nothing save to put us all in a med-ward.”

His eyes held sadness, beguiled by the sternness in his expression.

“I am advising you now not as your … friend, but as a member of the Council. Stand down.”

[imported_Terran Starek]

He felt the heat of Xazor's saber on his neck as he stood still. Though he was a capable warrior, he was no match for the Jedi Knight. However, her taunts and her challenges deeply hurt him. It hurt the newfound pride that was somehow created inside of him by an unseen force. He found himself more angered, more upset.

One fact still remained: the fact that he would never attack her--never. No matter how angry he was, there was no way that he could actually strike her. Not in a million billion years.

Dasquian, however, was a different story.

When the Jedi revealed himself, all of Terran's inhibitions dissapeared. Though he wasn't quite as skilled as the Knight in reality, he didn't care--his anger controlled him. He raised his saber as Dasquian stepped near, holding it forward in an agressive position--Xazor's blue blade still on his neck.

Dasquian's words did have an effect.

"It is clear to me where I stand," he spoke, his voice cracking a bit as he said it. The green blade of his weapon was returned to its home as he let his arm fall limply to his side. "I can see that love really isn't worth fighting for, is it Xazor?" He turned to face her, moving the front of his neck closer to her blade. "For what is love? What is it, Xazor? It obviously isn't honesty. It apparently isn't dedication." He could see her growing more and more upset as he spoke. He was hurting her--the words, they were hurting her.

So what? She's hurt you so much! She deserves every pain inflicted upon her now! The voice within him spoke.

"It definitely isn't trust." He leaned closer to the blade, feeling the sting of the hot stream of light. "Why would you do this to me? Why? I stand before you now with no strings attached, Xazor. You've crushed my heart," he was begninging to cry again. How pathetic he was. "You've destroyed my spirit. You've broken me."

"Finish me. Finish me right now." He stared down at the blue blade poised at his neck. "You've killed me on the inside, now it's time for you to finish what love started." He was sobbing.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor's eyes fell to the ground as Dasquian stepped forth and reprimanded both she and Terran. Though she knew he was right, part of the woman was defiant to the last moment and her stubborn attitiude would not back down.

"No -- I will not stand down."

She spoke, but soon regretted the words. Her eyes met those of Terran and soon she saw him moving closer and closer to her blade's edge. He was now nearly touching the seering hot energy, but it mattered not to him -- it seemed to Xazor that he had given up all hope of living. Her heart broke for him again, even if she had no heart left within her. The pain and emotionality of the last year had completely tore her apart from the inside out.

"I cannot deprive my heart of the love that I so wrongfully turned away just to fall back into it with someone who I barely know anymore."

The Knight stared deeply and intently into Terran's eyes as he moved closer, daring her to finish him then and there. With a deep growl the woman disengaged her saber and reluctantly placed it back on her weapons belt.

"How can you stand there and hurt me if you know what it feels like? If you still love me like you say you do -- then why don't you hold your tongue and leave?"

"Please Terran -- it would be so much easier for you to go -- please?"

She pleaded in his mind, keeping the connection closed to Dasquian.

"It would not be fair to either of you if I continued to play this game -- and I cannot go on alone with a child. I had to choose -- I had to think of my baby. Terran, this does not mean I love you any less! No! My love for you is so strong -- but it just isn't meant to be. Maybe someday it could have been -- but I was dealt a bad hand and I had to make a choice that would end up hurting someone. I -- I ended up hurting myself."

[imported_Terran Starek]

"It's always about you, isn't it Xazor. Always about you." He backed away, glaring at Dasquian. He returned his saber to where it belonged--the agressive threat over. All that was left was the shell of the man he had once been. A caring man. A kind, trustworthy Jedi. A fair, loving man.

He was a broken man, now. That was all.

"I think you're right." He began to walk away--past Dasquian and to the mouth of the courtyard. He turned to face them both, one last time. "I don't belong here, anymore. This--" he motioned to the entire courtyard "--used to be my home. I thought things were real here. I thought people were real and I thought the Force made sense." He wrapped his cloak tightly around him.

"But I see that it doesn't. I see that even here, in a place where people work so hard to find it, the truth of the galaxy will never be revealed. Only lies. Only emotions." He looked into Xazor's eyes, showing her his ever thought. It was accidental, and she could see that it was not the real him. It was something else--something darker within him.

"You say that you still love me, Xazor?" His eyes became wet again as he spoke. He was full of unchecked emotion. But he was trying to be strong and turning to anger instead of sharing his feelings. "I don't believe in love anymore."

With that, he turned and began to walk away.

[Xazor Elessar]

Don't stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
What you were changing me into
[Just give me myself back and]
Don't stay
Forget our memories
Forget our possibilities
Take all your faithlessness with you
[Just give me myself back and]
Don't Stay


Xazor was speechless. Surly he did not mean what he had said -- the Knight knew he didn't. The man's eyes betrayed him as did his mind. Without thinking, the Garou reached out after Terran as her eyes filled with tears that stung at the back of their lids before falling down her face in great torrents.

"I -- I'm sorry!"

She called out in a last resort before falling to her knees with her arms stretched out before her, her eyes following Terran who's back was to her now. The woman's arms fell to her sides -- her eyes fell to the ground and her head lowered in shame, defeat, and regret.

She was a broken woman, now. That was all.

Xazor's hands tightened into two fists as she growled deeply within her, feeling emotion completely consume her being and take over. She was a lost cause having made the only decision that made sense to her -- and hurting herself in the end.

"Fine -- leave me, then. Never return, Terran -- I wish not to see your face ever again. Go -- GO!"

She screamed before rising to her feet and turning her back to the one she still loved -- but she was torn now and love seemed but a distant memory she once beheld. With anger alive in her heart, the Garou attempted to control herself and found it too difficult -- she had to release her pain. Without a thought she walked over to a wall of the courtyard and lifted her arm, chambering all the power and pent up emotion into her elbow before finally releasing the blow right into the wall. The pain that struck her did not even register -- but she had broken her hand in the impact and now blood trickled down her limp fingers, knuckles, and down her wrist. Tears fell from her eyes and kissed the ground, mixing with patches of blood that were quickly pooling upon small blades of grass and flower petals. Xazor knelt down and brought her hands to cover her eyes as she wept into them creating a painful elixer.

[imported_Terran Starek]

Though he remained standing and appeared to be strong, his heart felt as though it had been stolen from his chest and thrown onto the ground as Xazor yelled after him.

"Fine -- leave me, then. Never return, Terran -- I wish not to see your face ever again. Go -- GO!"

The words hurt--more than Xazor could have ever intended. More than words were allowed to hurt. However, they only fueled the fire that grew in his heart, and he made his way out of the courtyard even quicker. His pace was brisk like the hot blood that coursed through his veins, and his feet carried him quickly.

Consider your wish granted, Xazor. He didn't send the thought to her, but it was a thought that burned in his mind. It was time for him to leave. He only had one goal on his mind--that was release. An escape from the Order and a chance to be on his own for awhile. He needed to spend time away from here, away from Xazor and Dasquian and all the pain. He needed time away from the Jedi Order and his training. He had to get a few things first. And, he owed it to Master Elessar to let him know.

He paused just short of his room as his anger was wearing off and wanted to turn back and run to Xazor. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to lover her again. But he knew he could not. She never wanted to see him again. Though he planned on returning to the Order, he was going to spend time away, and when he came back, he would never bother her again.

It is so. Goodbye, Xazor.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Dasquians saber slipped from his hand to the ground, clattering as it hit the ground, still ignited. Dasquian himself fell to his knees at Xazor side, one arm looping over her body and tugging her up from her trembling crouch. His free hand seized up her hand at the wrist – it was bleeding at the knuckles and the joints felt limp. With wavering concentration, as it was hard to focus upon healing when Xazor was in such a state, he let the warmth of the Force flow its way over her hand, as the blood pooled over from her skin onto his own.

“Shhh…”

She was weeping still. He couldn’t tell whether it was out of sadness, anger or both meshed together. Either way, the rage that had swelled inside of her seemed to have been dulled by the pain in her heart. Guilt threatened to overwhelm him once more, but he pushed it aside from the time being – it was Xazor’s time to grieve, and he needed to be there for her.

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor immediatly fell into Dasquian's arms and wrapped one of her own around his waist, firmly pressing her face into his chest. She wept violently for several minutes as he healed her broken hand.

"Do -- do you hate me?"

She cried out but the words were nearly a whisper. The Knight buried her face into his chest once again and more tears fell from her eyes in streams. Her arm tightened around his waist and she held him close, closing her eyes and allowing her mind to quiet itself. Obviously Xazor was all worked up and needed to calm down so she could listen to anything Dasquian would say to her.

"If you don't -- you should."

The words she spoke did not help any and again the Garou woman wept from her soul. Emotion so deep poured forth from chambers locked deeply within her. Things never unleashed before seemed to combine to form one emotion that held no name but pain.

[Dasquian Belargic]

“Of course I don’t’ hate you, Xazor. You know that. I love you too much.”

It was upsetting, incredibly upsetting, to have to witness Xazor break down like this. The pain she felt radiated in waves from her mind right into Dasquians. This, added to simply having to see her in such pain, was difficult to handle. Just holding her would hopefully help some in calming her for the moment, though he knew that beneath the surface those wounds would be open for a long time.

“Just let it all out…”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor wept into Dasquian's chest as she held him tightly. Her eyes ached as much as her head but it seemed dull when compared to the pain of her heart. She poured out her soul through the tears which rolled down her cheeks like water of the falls on her home planet. For several minutes this went on and on until she began to calm a bit. Dasquian's presence and the strength Xazor felt in his arms gave her the courage to pull away for a moment and look into his eyes.

"I n -- never intended it to happen this way, melamin. I -- I'm so sorry. I just couldn't live without you anymore and I knew he wouldn't understand. My people could have killed me for what I did, if it happened on Eden. Besides that, Ter -- Terran and I --" She paused and looked deeper into Dasquian's eyes, sensing nothing but love and compassion for Xazor. He was listening to her words intently, attempting to understand what she was saying by analyzing everything that went into her effort of doing so. This meant the world to the Knight and despite the pain she was feeling, a slight smile broke across her face before disappearing once again. With gathered thoughts, she continued.

"Terran and I grew apart as you and I grew closer, Dasquian. Indeed, I love -- loved him, but I cannot surpress the feelings I have for you, especially now that I have realized the mistake I made by letting you go in the first place." The tears had nearly ceased but just then, a few more trickled down her cheeks and she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close to her. "I love you, Dasquian Belargic -- you are the man that I promise to spend the rest of my life with. You are the only one who truly understands me and forgives me for who I used to be, who I am -- and all that I've done. I'm so sorry, my love, for I have hurt you in too many ways to count." The Garou spoke through the tears as she cried into his shoulder.

[Dasquian Belargic]

Through all the tears and confessions there was a message that Dasquain had wanted – no, needed – to hear for a long time. With his love for Xazor as strong as it was he had been willing to do as she asked until she could find a way to sort out her current situation; the situation that had only a short while ago bubbled over boiling point. Never had he doubted her or what she stood for, and now his faith in her was further strengthened by what she said.

The Garou’s head buried against his shoulder, Dasquian absently brushed a hand down through her hair, his fingers gently stroking through the blonde tresses as he placed a kiss against her temple.

“I’ve told you before you don’t need to apologize to me for anything,” he whispered beneath his breath.

He gave a gentle squeeze as he hugged her closely, the smile he wore, borne both from happiness at her words and a want to comfort and assure her, grew further as he leant back somewhat from the embrace. The Hallaera nuzzled his nose against Xazor’s, brushing away some of the dampness from her tears, as he whispered again.

“Everything will be fine… I will make sure of that, Melamin.”

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor smiled slightly and pushed her nose against Dasquian's gently as her hands gently fell down his arms to meet his hands. She squeezed them tenderly as her eyes glanced down to the finger which no longer bore a beautiful engagement ring. Instead, it was empty -- hollow and full of shame. More tears threatened to fall but only a few managed to escape this time.

"I know -- I trust you and I know we'll make it." She whispered softly and leaned forward to gently kiss his lips. It had been what seemed centuries since she had done so, but it was something that Xazor had to do for herself. She had needed to express to him what words could not. "-- I am yours, Dasquian -- and now, we begin again. I will do my best to put these things behind me, but it won't be easy. I need you -- you're my everything."