Carry The World Interlude 3 : "Together Forever"

[Helenias Evenstar]

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<font size="-2"> Dedicated to the real life Marcus, who gave his time, prior body of work and advice on writing this. Together Forever I do indeed wish to stay with you my darling. </font>

My name is Helenias Evenstar. I am Sindarian of the planet Imdradis, on the far edge of the western spiral of the Galaxy. My father is the ruler of the planet, one of the Wise as they call those of the Council of Rulers. I was named Evenstar at birth for my beauty even then was to be seen - not that I cared for such things even now as a young Sindarian. Young? Yes, even if I am 86 Galactic years old, I am indeed young for my race. About 23 – 25 for a human would be an apt comparison. The actual system my home is in is called Arda and has four other inhabited planets. Mine is the most hospitable, a garden planet of temperate climate. Perfect for life and indeed, life abounded on Imdralis. I grew up amongst gardens and waterfalls, a place of unparalleled natural beauty and mystery. The buildings were built to flow with the trees we lived amongst, hardly any technology that infested the rest of the Galaxy visible or even needed. For eons, my people had lived as one with the ecosystem, being symbiants with it. There were places built to worship God as we understood Him, there was music, food and all in all, a much desirable life.

I grew up never knowing what evil was, or even shoes. The grass was always soft enough to walk anywhere with footwear and few of the Sindarian did. The rain would fall, bring new life to valley. Snows would sometimes appear in winter, much to my delight.

Not all of life was like that, I would admit. There were lessons befitting of a daughter of a man such as my father. But even these were enjoyable, especially the martial lessons which I excelled at. I grew tall for a female, supple, fast and skilled in weapons that we had. My favoured was a bo-stick, which at the age of 23, I managed to even better the dojo master with. Such was my ability, I was given a commission in the army, unusual for a woman. Not that the women were not capable, they were. At heart the Sindarian were warriors. What was unusual was that a woman would be so well suited to physical battle. Normally, the women were mental warriors, for I learned later that the women were all naturally Force sensitive. A strange gift of God I thought. Some males like my father were adept but not many. I too followed my mother as a mentalist, learning how this strange Force worked and how to access it. I was not in the class of my mother, but still quite good.

But as I found out later, our learning’s were in no way as advanced as the Jedi. But for now I digress.

Why would a planet like ours need an army? Unfortunately while two of the other three planets were peaceful, the innermost, a true hell named Arnor was not. A violent race named the Numenorians lived there, trying to eke out an existence amongst the burning sands and far higher gravity than almost any beings lived. Surface day time temperatures were in the 70+ range, rain almost non existent. Such an incredibly brutal existence for the Outcasts as we called them produced a race of beings, tho few in number, were incredibly tough and hardy. They were also unique in the system for being at home with technology. Normally short lived, there was a group of them whom lived every bit as long as the Sindarians, in fact we believed they were related to us. We also dearly wished they never existed, for our history was filled with the occasional Numenorian rising up and trying to take over the system. Normally they would be put down, but the life loss would be heavy. Our advantage was our Force adeptness, for the Numenorians had none at all. It evened out their brutal strength and cunning. So far in our existence, unknown by the rest of the Galaxy, the delicate balance had existed, undisturbed.

It was foretold not to last forever, I might add. One of my ancestors had foretold the coming of a Numenorian whom would succeed where others had failed. He was destined to rule Arda. It frightened us that this man would be a tyrant and as such we kept a close eye on our planetary neigbour. We watched for signs of his emergance and prayed it would not happen in our life time. The real problem we had is that this one was not able to be foreseen precisely, unlike others. It was like the Force was protecting his identity.

I could tell you much more of this, but would you be interested? I think not. If you are reading this, you are reading the story of my life so far. Unfortunantly, the Numenorian that was foreseen was born 20 years before I was. The Wise, whom monitored all births on Arnor, missed one somehow. A poor woman whom left the sheltering caves to wander the deserts. The story was she came to the only open water that was on the planet, Lake Eyre, there to find a place to give birth. We don’t know what happened from there, but Callista the Black, an outcast of the Wise, found him when he was 6 years old. She took him and left the system, taking the boy far away. Where, none knew. Only three or four of Arda had ever left to the open Galaxy. I remember the day I took my commission and found out the real reason I had been getting the training I had been. My father called me to the High Seat, asked me to sit down. I remember his face, so serious and concerned.

“Helenias, my daughter. Today you have come of age and that is a time when those chosen for a task are told of it. You are to find the One foretold and kill him”

“But, he isn’t born yet?” I asked, puzzled. I had not been told – none of us had been.

“45 years ago. We always knew we would have to send an assassin after him, least our way of life be destroyed. We know the odds of that working are low. I’m…. sorry it had to be you”

I saw the tears on his face, knowing that he was sending his own daughter, the woman whom they said was the most beautiful for many generations, out on this mission. I understood what this really meant to him, how much pain he had been hiding while I was prepared. It touched me, even as I swore to do as they asked. Understand, my mind was focused and even then, I had a degree of foresight. When he spoke, I saw that it was something I was to do. Two days later, I left my home with a bodyguard, using the almost never used hyperspace powered craft we had. Don’t ask where we got them from, they were old and I am not sure that even the Wise now know. It was only however in matters critical that they were used. One had been stolen by The Black years before and never returned. “My father, where should I start?” I had asked just before leaving.

“I have to leave that to you Helenias. The Wise cant penetrate the cloud of Darkness that surrounds the center of the Galaxy. Something has happened there – go in that direction first. And…” Here he hesitated.

“What is it?”

“Beware. There are apparently ones who know of the Force. Once, we heard they were called Jeedai. That was nearly 1000 years ago. We don’t know anything more than that. God be with you and bless you my child” With that, he kissed my forehead, releasing me to my task.


My bodyguard flew me to the place they called Coruscant. This apparently was the capital of the Republic. Leaving me there, I picked up my traveling pack, going from the landing platform and into what was the most incredible sight I had ever seen – buildings the size of mountains! Aliens and humans beyond count. Sights and smells beyond description. I was staggered as nothing I had learned could prepare me for this. So foreign this was, I was forced to go underground for two years, just getting used to this… place. There, I learned what the Galaxy was really like, updating for the Wise – none of my brethren had been out of Arda for 300 years.

Things had changed. An Emperor ruled, a military of staggering power backed him. A being named Vader seemed to be his right hand. And I got an idea just how damn big the Galaxy was. How hopeless it was that I would find this one unless he did something to poke his head up. Even then, I needed access to information sources to see if I could pick up anything. I also needed a disguise. Infiltrating the Imperial forces seemed a good idea, they had what I wanted. Except, I was an alien and also a woman. Not a good combination in the sexist and xenophobic regiments. I thought about this problem, until the solution presented itself by itself. One day I was attacked by some… I’m not sure whom they were. All I knew that they were after some “sweet tail”. In the bar I had been in to get a meal, they came. As the first reached out to try to drag me off, I picked up a bar stool and smashed his face in. The bar turned into a battle zone. Guns were drawn. Shots fired. Each time to miss, for in my mind I saw them coming. The stool split apart and I used the legs as improvised weapons. A few minutes later, I stood alone, breathing heavily with the scum strewn all about – there seemed to be more of them than what started. All I had clear memory of was the bodies, the broken furniture and the bar tender looking startled and scared.

“Are… you a Jedi?!?” he stammered.

“Get real. Why would be one of those now gone losers?”. I threw aside the stool legs, bent down to pick up my bag.

“Stop there please”

The new voice was calm. Deep and powerful. I glanced up to see to my surprise an Imperial Guard! These faceless guards were feared galaxy wide for good reason. “Yes?” I asked.

“I ask as well.. Are you a Jedi?”

“Stop wasting my time” I snapped back. “Move or I’ll smack you out of the room”

“I don’t think…” he tried to start saying, before I lost my temper and slammed the oaf with a sweetly timed kick to his helmet.

“Just shut up and leave me alone” I stated, walking out.

To cut a long story short, he didn’t do that. He recovered and came outside – I firstly thought to try to get revenge, but instead he asked me where I learned to fight. “Here and there” I said evasively.

“Your not Jedi, truly?”

“Don’t ask that again. I don’t repeat myself”

“Where do you come from?”

“Unknown Regions”

“By yourself?”

“Why, looking for a chance to bed me? Think again bozo”

“My Lady, I would not dishonour your skill by doing that. I am Lord Fire Blade and I serve the Emperor himself as his guard. Would you stop to speak with me?”

“Hmph, some guard. So… what do you want?” I asked, coming to a standstill and facing this red helmeted demon.

“To train you in our ways”

“To … what? A stranger like me?”

“Come with me. And don’t worry, my offer is genuine”

Later, I would have to reflect how amazing that offer was. Here he was, one of the Emperor’s top henchmen offering to train me. Even more so was the fact the Guards did have something to offer to teach. While my fighting skills were good, I wasn’t in their league of sheer toughness and physical condition. These men were conditioned to be able to march for hours, to stand perfectly still for days, to exist on virtually no rations, to tolerate heat and cold, to feel no mercy. Believe me, when I entered their training camp, only my mentor thought I could survive. For a while, I wondered if I would too. For five years I was there. For five years of mental and physical torment designed to break all but the very best. I can’t tell you of much that happened, as it is now to me a blur. What wasn’t was the day that I ‘graduated’ for the want of a better word. The first and only woman to have proven worthy. My mentor was the one who placed my armour on me. The head instructor himself placed the helmet on my head. And the man whom I would call my Grandfather handed me the weapon of a Guards – the Force Pike.

I was remade. No longer a pretty face, but one of fear. I now had a place in the Galaxy as one of the most terrifying beings to exist, one of the Imperial Royal Guards. Grandfather allowed me to use his name to hide whom I was and from then on, for so many long years, I never showed who I was in public. I became sexless, I whirlwind of destruction for the enemies of the Empire. To this day, even now I still believe in the principles of Order the Empire had. Men like Tarkin, whom destroyed Alderaan were the exception, not the rule. I never met Vader of the Emperor themselves, but I was proud to serve. It also gave me the resources to try and find the one I had been sent to look for. In my communications to home, they gave me possible things to look for, but in the 15 years I was with the Empire, I found nothing. Not a thing. Well, do you have any idea how big the Galaxy is and how truly hard it is to find one being? It was no wonder there was no result. Not even the mentalists could get a track. Still, I was in a good position to hear of anything. The Guards had the best information sources.

That was my life until the day the Rebellion struck at the second Death Star and destroyed it. I personally was on Coruscant when the news of the Emperor’s death came through in my room at that time resting. It came from Grandfather, as I affectionally called the now aging warrior whom was my mentor.

“Helenias… pack your belongings – we must be gone!”

“Why?” I asked, turning from the window. I hadn’t gotten visibly older – but he had. Graying, lines around the face. Still muscles and ultra fit however, the eyes showed the worry.

“The Emperor has fallen. It will not go well if the Rebellion finds us.”

I accepted the news fairly easily. “But should we not stay and support whomever will rule in the Emperor’s place?”

“There wont be anyone. The Empire will break into civil war. Now, it is time for us to go underground”

“What about the rest of us?”

The eyes of his changed from worry to anger. “Dead. Killed with The Emperor. There are very few of us left Helenias. Come, we shall continue the fight against the rebels our own way!”

So it turned out. We collected a group of Imperials with like minds, began a rear guard battle. It was hopeless in the end, but what was there more to do? Turn tail and allow the rebels to win by capitulation? Hide for good? Become terrorists? Or have a clean fight, hopeless as it turned out to be?

Well, it was fun while it lasted. 15 years of fighting was wearying for those whom didn’t live as long as I did. Grandfather was well into his 70’s when he admitted his body was no longer able to keep going at the pace we drove ourselves at. He retired, leaving me alone to head up our now small group – who were proving to be effective at small time stuff. Not many really big strikes could be done. A lot of attention turned to political undermining of the New Republic, which I was not suited to.

But by then I was losing passion for the Cause. I had uncovered something else. I had found out about the Jedi. Their rising was a real problem, a problem I was very much suited for. I began to observe their struggles and began to engage, slowly learning what they were and what powers they had. Unlike other Rebels, these Jedi had the Force and they used it well. They were the ones I was warned about when I left Imdralis.

There was someone else fighting them. Sith, they were called. Dark Siders they claimed to be. I was aware the Emperor used ‘Dark Side’ (I didn’t understand this division myself) and called himself a Sith, but these new ones were weak, unlearned. Palpatine would have been their Master in minutes if they were to try to one on one match. Most of them were little more than common criminals, which I viewed with distain and anger. A few fell to my Pike, as did Jedi. Other rose up. Didn’t really pose a problem, although some like Figrin D’an showed they had power. I battled a Sith Master named Itala Marzullo and won. Interludes and entertaining diversions.

So it continued for a few more years until Venom showed up. Now this one was different. He was very powerful, but also cold, calculating and when I first faced him, a truly formidable foe. In fact, in that meeting, I barely escaped, defeated. I could hardly believe it! Beaten by …. Thinking back on it, I wasn’t sure what he was. Too fast, too strong. Could not possibly b.e human. A trouble maker, for he had designs of his own. He interfered with the Imperial Remnant’s plans and hence earned our ire. While our first meeting was little more than an accident, the next time I swore wouldn’t be – I would be ready. That meeting was to be in 31 AE, 31 years after Endor. I was 67 standard years, for a human that would be barely in their 20’s. For 44 years I had been wandering far from home. For once, I got a great deal more than I bargained for, or expected. Little did I know that landing on Harrvii, where we had found out Venom was holed up, what would happen.

I was in disguise a ship’s mechanic, walking about to get the neighborhood’s feel when the first attack came. There was a few drop ships first, then all hell broke loose. Communications went first, then the power with incredible speed, effectively blinding the defense. There was mass confusion. I got a very, very bad feeling suddenly, I ran back to my room for my backpack and a weapon, also deciding to get armoured as I could (I did not have my regular grab, only some plates I could hide under regular clothes). Coming out of the hotel I stopped, for the scene before my eyes was almost beyond belief. In the time it had taken to go in and do what I had, the square outside had every single man, woman and child that was there dead. So fast. There was nearly 100 bodies. Not normal weapon injuries either. Puzzled I took a closer look. It was the mental warning that saved me – in a blink, I swung around with my light sabre (which I had acquired a few years before) and lopped the head off of my attacker. Almost too fast to react to, another one appeared and this one too went the same way. I ran, not choosing to examine the bodies of the enormous lizard type creatures. There was no choice, for I sensed more coming.

For the rest of the day, I continued to alternate between fight and hiding. The lizard beasts were on a rampage, killing all before them. They were missing people in their first sweep, but I was sure that if they were serious on this genocide, they would be back. In fact, behind their lines it was somewhat peaceful – if you could call being peaceful in a town where nearly every single person had died. I knew that if I didn’t get off the planet, I would be dead too. Least my target would be dead too. No one could survive this hell, not for long.

As night drew in, I came across a platoon of soldiers. They were lead by a man named Tohmahawk, whom looked tired beyond belief. He was only barely holding together emotionally, which I couldn’t blame him. I was barely hanging on myself. I had seen nothing to match this destruction, this senselessness. Why would anyone just massacre an entire planet, for that was clear to be happening with the reports I had managed to listen to during the day. Comms chatter had gotten less and less, to the point there was almost nothing. I felt ill, sickened to the depths of my soul. Tohmahawk’s family had been killed, he had started out with a company of soldiers. All there was left were these seven.

“Hi! You there!” he called out when we sighted each other.

“Still fighting?” I called back

“No way. I’m rounding up all I can and getting out of here if I can”

“Don’t need to suggest that twice!” I replied. “Where’s the nearest space port?”

“Bout five clicks west. Firstly, we’re going to find whom we can. Seen anyone else about the place?”

We used life sensors to sniff out hiders. Some were mentally able to pick up a weapon and join. Some were so emotionally broken, we had to drag them for a way before we got them to walk. One or two were so hopeless, it was all we could do to get them to acknowledge our presence. One woman asked for a blaster. We gave her one. She shot herself through the head. Through it all, Tohmahawk was proving to be a very able soldier and leader, whom I was warming to.

“Hey, don’t mind me asking lady, but your military, aren’t you. I see it in your walk and the way you watch the area. Where are you from?” he asked as we walked another street, searching for survivors.

“Imperial Royal Guards”

“Say what? Your kidding right?”

“Nope. Lord Fire Blade”

“Holy Frell lady! My father tangled with you lot in the Rebellion!”

“Really? Feel like a second round now?”

“No way. By the way, what’s your name?”

“Eileen” I stated

“Wish we could have met in better circumstances Eileen. I’m James. NR Captain, Special Forces. I was having a holiday, catching up with my family. Then…” His voice choked, before he regained control, with some difficulty. “Sorry Eileen. Bad day”

“I understand James. I’m not having a good one either. Don’t go to pieces on me until we get off this hell hole”

“I’m trying, believe me” He broke off, recomposing himself, before speaking again. “So. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?”

“Eliminating a Sith”

“Whoa, really? Hey then, maybe you’d like to meet a friend of mine. Just got it in – new design and everything. They call em Jedi rooters”. He had a rifle in his hands – a rather oddly bulky one with crude electronics up and down the barrel. I was good with my knowledge of guns but frankly, this one beat me. I admitted as such and asked what it was.

“It’s a slug thrower!”

A What?!?! A slug thrower in this age of blasters? “James, you and I both know slug throwers are useless against composite armours. What person is going to… LOOK OUT!” The warning was timely, for one of the lizards suddenly appeared. The group we had, numbering over 50 now, froze. I reached for my sabre. Tohmahawk leveled the strange rifle, pulled the trigger. The CRACK! of firing was like nothing I had heard before from a slug thrower. Nor was the spectacular detonation of the Vog’on, pieces flying everywhere in seemingly the same time. I noted his platoon also had these guns and they were ready to fire if more of the beasts showed.

“By the blazing suns of Tatooine! What the frell is that thing?” I said, goggle eyed. Wow. “A girl could get to like firepower like that”.

“Like it? NR model AA-101 Rail Gun – experimental thing the Special Forces are starting to get. The bullet is a full .7 calibre explosive tip, fired by powder”

“Powder? Sorry, no percussion slug thrower can do that. What’s with all the flashy electricals?”

Tohmahawk’s eyes glittered. “Electrical accelerators. Speeds the bullet up to about 1500 meters a second. When it hits, it adds it’s impact speed to the explosive tip to make a mess”

“Can I get one?” I asked

“Sorry, only had a handful. But it’s a nice thing, eh?”

“Oh yes. But why they called Jedi rooters?”

“Try blocking the bullet with a sabre. It’s either detonates or melts if the blade intercepts, spraying the Jedi with shrapnel or molten metal. Most of the time the blade will miss, cause the firing speed is so much faster than a blaster. Either way, your average Jedi is rooted”

I definantly had to get myself one of those. If we got out of this alive.

I think it was the next night that we decided to try for the space port. We had nearly 200 survivors in tow and we had raided a munitions depot for weapons. We had a few skirmishes with the Vog’on, not big ones now as the majority of the creatures had seemingly moved on. The Rail Rifles finished those few beasts we did meet off fast. We were pretty sure we had everyone whom were still able enough in the area in the group and ready to make the dash to the space port, so it was time to leave. From the sporadic comms we could hear, others were doing the same and getting out if they could. It sounded like there was no real air resistance and those whom could make it to a ship were getting clear.

But, I could tell that wasn’t many able to do that. Whether or not those beasts had gotten to them already, the vast majority on the planet were doomed. If we didn’t make it off as well, it would be our grave. That drove us onward. Kept us alert, still, we drew hope from the fact we knew others had escaped. Then, barely a kilometer from the spaceport, just when we could dare hope that hope was not false it happened - They found us and attacked. A horde of Vog’on, appearing out of the night like ghostly hell spawn. Our guns opened up and wonder be, some of the soldiers we had found had rocket launchers. Fiery tails lit the square up as those who couldn’t fight huddled together. The counter attack was savage and swift – it would have worked normally if it were anyone else. This was no normal situation. For every one we killed, three took it’s place. We were outnumbered and our weapons were running low. Backed into a corner with no escape, The Vog’on sensed this and were clearly regrouping for one final stroke.

“Sir, we really cant survive another massed attack. We don’t have enough missiles and ammo left” called out a soldier.

A sigh I could hear from Tohmahawk. “Then we sell our lives as dearly as we can. You know what these beasts did to our families, lets give some back to them!”. Some nodded wearily, a few who were furious gave a “Hell yeah!”. Most were resigned, fearful. No one really wanted to die, but there was no choice. Well, I thought to myself, this was it. Helenias’ final stand. I drew out the sabre in my pocket, ready to use it when quite abruptly a young male yelled out “Get DOWN!”

I frowned, then saw a small streak of light, a flame of some sort appear. It was aimed at the Vog’on. My basic attunement to the Force suddenly screamed of danger and I took the boy’s advice. I ducked behind a burnt out speeder, but I kept an eye on what was going on. The flame stopped right in the middle of the grouped beasts. The flame became a ball…The ball became larger..

At that point I realized I should really duck. I hit dirt as hard as I could.

The ball exploded in a wall of fire.

Frelling hell! What the….?

There were screams of shock and terror from our group. I think most had managed to take cover. I could barely hear them over the horrid roar of the fireball. I heard secondry explosions as combustibles ignited. More things ignited. I felt a piece of metal flick my back. Other pieces began to land, creating a deadly hail. After a few seconds, I very, very carefully started to get up from behind the remains of the speeder, my eyes going wide as I surveyed the absolute carnage that had occurred. The whole area seemed to be on fire, debris was still falling and right in the center of the blast zone, there was a crater. The only Vog’on left were either shredded or dying of massive trauma wounds. Who in the name of the Father had done this? What weapon was it? And why couldn’t I have one?

“What in blazing hell…?” exclaimed Tohmahawk. “Do you do this Eileen?”

“Not… FRELL ME!!”

The curse was not adequate to describe what we all saw. Coming through the flames was a being, in shining reflective black armour. Fire licked his boots and his lightsabre almost seemed dull in the light of the burning around us. I nearly tripped over in surprise. A Jedi…? But.. no Jedi could do this. Could they?

“Oh my…it’s a Jedi!” exclaimed one woman.

“I hope there is more than one of them, as we are going to need all the help we can get if we are to live” replied Tohmahawk in muted fashion. The Jedi came closer, before speaking. A deep voice, twisted by a vocobox.

“Who is your leader?”

“I am” replied Tohmahawk, clearly awed.

“Who are you?”

“Captain James T. Tohmahawk, New Republic infantry. I was here on assignment before these monsters turned up and basically started doing as they wanted. Mister Jedi, are there more like you? Has the Council come, cause I think that’s the only thing that can stop this world from being destroyed completely” There was a note of whining hope on his voice and for that I didn’t blame him. Even if I hated Jedi, this one was more than welcome, especially if he could pull tricks like we had just seen.

“I’m it Tohmahawk and the Council wont be coming. All communications were cut before these things started their work in earnest, understand?. Everyone,” He shouted, addressing the group "We are sitting dew backs if we wait here for more Vog’on to show. Tohmahawk, arrange you men in the best possible way for a defensive position. I want all those who cant fight to be in the center and I want us undercover before sunrise. Clear?”

“Where’s any cover, Mister Jedi? I’ve been looking for some all day”. No crap I thought.

“Either that or we find a way out of here. Any suggestions?” Duh.

“There is a landing pad about 1 km from here. We can use a shuttle from there”

“Dangerous, as I think the presence of Vog’on will be thick there” replied the Jedi after what seemed like a thinking session. “I got the Governor.. “ There was a small gasp from my left that I believed no one else heard, “.. out from another airfield and had to fight my way out escape – I bet they are wising up to that. But probably the only way we can get off this rock. Five minutes and then we head out in that direction. I’ll go ahead and scope the area out, you Tohmahawk, get your people to within 500 meters and find cover”

“Ummm, they’re not my people…”

“They are now. Am I clear?”

Tohmahawk looked reluctant, but he gained a measure of resolve as the Jedi spoke something softy to him alone. Tohmahawk replied, before the Jedi nodded and sprinted off. A few seconds later, he was back on a speeder bike.

“I’m going ahead. You remember what I asked of you” stated the Jedi. He was off before anyone could reply, leaving a group of stunned humans, wondering if it was all a dream. Tohmahawk stood there , before shaking his head as if to clear it.

“Listen up! We wait here two minutes and then we follow the Jedi. He’s gone to scout ahead and clear the way. Eileen, what do you want, point or tail end?”

“Point”

“Good. Find us some cover about 500 meters from the landing pad. He said he’ll meet us there”

I nodded, putting the sabre away. No need for that now. My gun was out of ammo, so I stooped and picked up a piece of metal. Sort of like a Pike - I so wished I had that thing now. I moved away, knowing the group was following about 30 meters behind me. Working with a balance of speed and caution, I made the distance up till I could just see the spaceport’s lights, before finding a small warehouse. I booted the door in, waited for the rest to catch up. They all raced inside while I waited for the stragglers. I was last in, though I kept myself looking out, waiting for this Jedi. Surprisingly, he did turn back up about 7 minutes later. I waved him down to let him know where we were. No acknowledgement or thanks, I noted. All business. I closed the door behind us, barring it and dragging a table to block it as well. Well, it would delay them if they found us. I went further into the warehouse to where everyone else was, to find Tohmahawk and a few soldiers already talking to the Jedi. I got closer to listen.

“… not heavily patrolled, but they have humans on guard, not the beasts. So, we have two pilots?”

“Yes, we do”

“Excellent. There’s a Gamma assault boat that looks intact. Now we guard the pilots at all costs. How many have we here?”

“Don’t know” said Tohmahawk. “Seems we lost a few in that fight you saved us from”

“Head count then. Everyone stay still! 5…. 10… 20……. 44…… 67……….100….. 114. You get that too Tohmahawk?”

“Yes”

“It’ll be a quite squeeze, but we can all get on. Can someone find me something wear? This armour will slow me down – I need speed”

As it happened in this warehouse, there was. I grabbed a medium sized jumpsuit out of a locker, bringing it to where the Jedi had stripped off the composite protection. I had to admit, he was clearly very fit. And scarred. They were everywhere on his body! Not on his face, which was quite handsome, he also had dark hair and brown eyes.

Venom! My mind suddenly clicked. The very man I had been sent here to kill! Quickly I decided to put that to one side - to survive and get these people out, we needed even this evil bastard. Though, why was he doing this? Didn’t quite tee up.

“What’s the name, Jedi?” I asked, handing over the jumpsuit

“Q’Dunn. And you?” he said fairly robotically, not really noticing me.

“They call me Helenias. I got myself a few of these things”

“Really? How’s that?” he said, just turning his face enough to make it look like he was paying me attention.

I smirked and dug into my pocket, showing Q’Dunn the top of my lightsabre “Lets just say you were originally on my hit lit. I think things may have changed”

I had his attention now. He stopped getting dressed, to look me over. “Pardon?”

“Q’Dunn’s a nice alias for Venom, yes?”

“Lady, far as I’m concerned, Venom’s dead and gone. I’m just going to get the frell off this planet and I’m going to….. I dunno, find somewhere quiet and work out a way to …. “ He shrugged, finishing getting dressed. “… start over I guess. You a Jedi?”

“No”

“You going to try to kill me?”

“No”

“Fine. We can talk later. For now I want you then to go tail end bantha. If anyone slows down or begin to fall behind, whack them with your sabre. If they stop, leave them. Understand?”

I nodded. Even with my smallish Force skills, I could tell this was not the same man I had fought as Lord Fire Blade before. Something had changed. Filled with palatable hate and anger before. Now…. Sorry, angst? Interesting. Doubt I’d find out what caused that and in some ways, I didn’t want to know.

We moved out and began to move quickly, following Q’Dunn. I didn’t really need to give any boots up the backside. We stopped once again at the edge of the landing field, Tohmahawk and Q’Dunn having a discussion. The pilots and five others were drawn out of the group. He ran across the wide expanse of landing pad, went inside a well armed shuttle. A pause, then I saw him poke his head out the gangplank, signaling. The pilots and other selected men ran out as well in staggered formation. They made the craft without being seen. I shouldered my way to Tohmahawk.

“What’s going on James?” I asked.

“He went first to clean out anything inside. The pilots are going to prep the ship. The other five are going to get the shuttle’s guns ready”

A minute or so, then Q’Dunn reappeared, crossed back to us. “All clear so far. The craft is working and is almost ready for motor start. Now, everyone, this is what we do – there are too many to sneak across, so we run for it. It’s about 50 metres from here to the gangplank. Drop anything that’ll slow you, do not stop or you will be left behind. Do not slow down, do not stop because if Helenias over there” I smiled and waved “gets on before you, your going to be left behind. Understand?”

Nods all round.

“Right, ready?” He didn’t wait. He was simply off, making for the gangplank as hard as he could.

“Go!" cried Tohmahawk. Some reacted quickly and were sprinting almost as fast as Q’Dunn. Others had some lag. But within a few seconds, the whole group was making a mad dash. I waited a second, pulled my lightsabre out, then likewise began to make the dash across. Remarkably, we were only noticed as the first of our group made the gangplank. Half were onboard before there were shots. And by the time I joined Q’Dunn, the base’s guards were starting to find their range. His sabre was already a blur – mine became the same as we shielded the last remaining stragglers.
“Get onboard!” He yelled. “Tell them to take off!” I nodded and ran up the plank.

“We’re on! GO!”

I heard engines start. I felt the heavy weapons this ship had begin to fire, repelling base guards.

“Gregori! Please heeeelp!! Dont leeeeeave!! ”

I barely heard the cry from outside. My stomach went cold, for I knew we had left someone behind. But there was nothing we could do, we had to go. The ship was lifting I felt and as I looked back down the plank I was shocked to see Q’Dunn suddenly turn and jump off the ramp, hitting the ground and racing for two children a fallen male and a female knelt over him, crying for help.

Oh my God, that madman wasn’t actually going to die a hero protecting the kids, was he? Dumb and suicidal! What idiot would do that?

A second later I dived out the closing ramp and made a run for the kids as well. My sabre was on and I was swatting blaster bolts at a furious rate.

“What the hell are you doing here?!?!” He yelled, noting my presence behind him.

“Same thing as you.”

“WHAT? You stupid woman!” Hmm. And who had jumped out first?

“Don’t argue Jedi.” A blaster bolt was ducked before I continued. “There’s a smaller fighter/freighter not far from here. We can go for that”. He might have been loony, but I wasn’t - I noticed that as an alternative when I was making the first run to the now lifted shuttle. The guns on the shuttle began to add to the chaos as they ripped into the guards, forcing them to take cover and giving Q’Dunn and myself enough time to get the male kid to his to his feet. A nasty cut on his knee explained his mobility problems. The female seemed okay. Suddenly, there was a whoosh and the shuttle’s motors went to full power. A missile darted by, missing it.

And now the Vog’on appeared.

“Helenias! Gregori! Shay! Move it, we're going to have even worse company!”

“I KNOW!” I screamed back. I grabbed the male, almost dragging him as I ran for the fighter/freighter. The female child got on first, I dragged the male inside and dropped him unceremoniously on the floor. Running for the control deck, I summed up the controls, noted they were fairly standard. The layout was odd, the pilot’s chair below the co-pilot’s and the navigator. Didn’t matter, I got the motors started. There was sounds of fighting from behind me, the girl screamed. I ran back to the ramp, to see Q’Dunn surrounded by guards. His sabre was gone. Abruptly, he lept above them all, then charged for the ship.

“GO!! GO!!!!”

I didn’t need a second invitation. I dived for the controls again and slammed the motor start. There was a huge roar and the ship literally leapt upwards. Woah! It was clear this thing had some power to spare! I ripped along the ground, building speed until I tilted the nose for the sky, outrunning anything the missile battery could send at us. Q’Dunn scrambled to the co-pilot’s seat, sighing in relief.

A scream echoed on the ship.

“I believe that meant I didn’t close the ramp in time and something got on board. I go, keep flying”, He said wearily. I nodded. I could nothing other than to fly. At one point, I jinked to avoid a missile. But, as for the fight I could hear behind me, I could do nothing. After about a minute I heard a thud. The girls screams broke down to sobs. And I heard a muted exclamation, which suggested Q’Dunn won out. Another minute later, Q’Dunn came back into the control room, looking very second hand and bloodied

“Vog’on got on-board. Gregori’s in shock, Shay’ll be okay. Frell. What a day” He flopped inot a chair, looking every bit as exhausted as he looked.

“You know those two kids?” I asked, taking a glance back.

“Yeah, sort of. Long story.”

The tone of voice he used was a clear Don’t Ask. So I chose a different subject.

“Where to now?”

“You see the others anywhere?”

Almost forgotten them. I scanned the sky and to my joy saw the shuttle coming parallel to our course. I waggled the ship’s wings, got a similar response back. Finding the comms board, I opened a general frequency – finding the other shuttle already trying to hail me.

“…. Ello? Anyone home?”

“Yes! We made it!” I yelled.

“Hell yes! Hey Eileen, this is James. Does your ship have hyperspace capabilities?”

“Let me check…. Yes it does. Where you thinking about going?”

“Well, we are in luck here. We have a long range comm. We’re trying to make contact with Coruscant as well as anyone else that could be about. Seems we have about five other craft leaving near us”

“Anything blockading?”

“Strangely, no. We have a clear run”

“That makes no sense to me. All right James, you lead. I’ll follow”

“Right you are then Eileen. Hey, say thanks to that Jedi on behalf of us all”

“You can do that now, he’s right behind…. me?” I faltered as I turned, seeing Q’Dunn had quietly left. “Never mind”
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Three days later, we landed on Ithor. The kids, Gregory and Shay, were taken by Tohmahawk. He also asked me out on a date. I was rather flattered and accepted. Why not, I felt the need to get back some humanity after that experience on Harrvii. Q’Dunn however seemed to have withdrawn into a shell. He didn’t speak the entire trip. He hardly left his chosen room. And he didn’t leave the craft after we landed. As I got ready to leave, I popped my head into the room he was in.

“Hey Q’Dunn… we’re here.”

No answer. He stared up at the roof silently.

“You going to get off?”

“No”. The voice sounded so weary. So… heavy. And it was not the voice he had used on Harrvii. This one was soft and mild. And a very, very strange accent.

“What are you doing then?” I asked, puzzled. “You haven’t spoken two.. “

“I know” he interrupted. “I don’t want to talk. I just…. Want to be alone”

“Oh. Well…… good luck then. Maybe I’ll see you again one day?”

“No. You wont”. From weariness to firmness. How quick it changed.

“Have it your own way Q’Dunn” I replied in kind. “Anyone would think that the way your acting, you were responsible for those… things coming”

He turned to look at me – and I took a step back. The eyes were filled with pain and fury. “Maybe I was. Go. I want to be left alone”

He was kidding, wasn’t he? The expression on his face didn’t suggest that, however. “Well…. Q’Dunn, how about you see me in six weeks time on Tattooine. Mos Eisley”

He made no reply. Didn’t acknowledge me anymore. Feeling slighted, I left the ship. I only turned back when 10 minutes later, I saw that ship rip for the heavens. And I do mean rip, I had never seen anything scream for orbit like that winged craft did. Tohmahawk was by my side, working on some paperwork. He looked up as the twin fire trails dissipated and the noise of the blast off abated. “Would have liked to have talked to him. What was his name?”

“Q’Dunn. Didn’t get anything else”

“Odd name”

Over the next few weeks, other thoughts occupied my mind. There was reports to write, explainations, studies. My Imperial superiors read my (modified) reports that I had cleansed any word of Venom from, claiming the disaster to hit Harrvii happened before I found him. My Grandfather asked some questions, but not many. He guessed I wasn’t really in the mood. I wasn’t. Besides, I was dating James. Oh, he was nice, but…. Well, it wasn’t going to work out. Still, Tohmahawk was a very decent man. Pity he wasn’t an Imp.

I did remember the six week date I had told Q’Dunn. Making some excuses, I disjoined my regular duties, hired a small transport and made my way out to Tattooine. Mos Eisley was a hive of scum and villainy, no place for a lady. Well, wasn't that a good thing I wasn’t one. Had to persuade some amorous beings I wasn’t interested in their undoubted sexual prowess. Usually, limb removal was enough to dissuade whole crowds. After a few days, word had gotten around and I was left alone. No sign of that strange fighter/freighter or Q’Dunn tho. I waited three more days before deciding to leave again, a bit disappointed. I visited one more bar, not looking anymore, but instead seeking a drink to clean the dust from my throat.

And, there he was, in a corner. Surprised that he actually turned up, I ordered another drink, then took them both to the table he was at.

“Hello again” I said.

“Hi”

“Still want to be alone?”

A pause, then he shook his head slightly.

“Mind if I sit?”

“I’m not staying for long”

“Where are you going?”

“Back… out there. Into the desert”

“What’s out there?” I asked, putting the drinks down on the table and taking a seat.

“Nothing” he said. “No people, no animals. No trees. Just heat. It feels… nice”

“You’re a strange man if you like this heat” I stated.

“I prefer the heat”

Blunt and flat. He wasn’t really interested in talking, I could tell. But I was interested. “Sounds a lot like a planet from my home system. It’s hot like this”

“Your home?”

“Yes, it a long way from here”

“Wish I had knew where my home was” he said, a twinge of regret in that strange voice. “Wish… I even knew where I was born” he sighed.

“You don’t know?”

“No. The earliest I remember is building sand castles and some person asking me to follow her. Since then… training. Moving around. Fighting and death. So… much.. death and suffering. All my fault”.

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?” I asked. Q’Dunn looked at me and turned away.

“Was that the reason you came here? To annoy me”

“No. I said I’d be here and I intended to be here”

“I said I never wanted to see you again”

“Least your being honest - so why are you here?”

“I came because I’ve dreamed of you” What? Puzzled, I asked what he meant.

“I dreamed of you. Since we met, I keep having the same dream. Nothing much, I just see you on a grassy plain. What that means, I don’t know. It’s been bugging me. I was hoping you wouldn’t show up so the dreams would end. But one thing your right about – I want to talk. But not here. Not now. Back out there in the desert”

“Do you want to go out there now?” I asked.

“No. we’ll finish these drinks off first”

Not long later, we were both walking. Q’Dunn had a box of water he was carrying. I bought a few litres as well. Not that it was too hot, for it was now approaching dusk and the land was cooling. Still, good to know I had water. You never knew if it would be needed in this hell hole. “Where are we going?” I queried.

“About 5 km’s”

That was the last word he spoke for all that distance. Sand walking can be tiring and indeed, we both had to rest after a while to ease aching calves. We eventually arrived at the bottom of a cliff, Q’Dunn looked up and in the manner of a Jedi leapt up from outcrop to outcrop. I preferred a bit more of a normal climb. It was an easy climb and I got to the top quickly. I wasn’t too surprised to see that same fighter/freighter Q'Dunn had blasted away from Ithor was here. Neither was the small fire, enclosed in a ring of stones. Q’Dunn himself was coming out of the ship after putting the box inside. I too went to put my water at the base of the ramp, by which time I could see Q’Dunn was putting food on the fire.

Now this was something I had never tried. Food cooked over an open fire. “What’s for dinner?”

“Desert rat”

“Taste good?”

“Not too bad. Give me about an hour”

“Sure”. I settled by the fire, staring into it. The night was cold, but the fire was warming and pleasant. This was so different to anything I had ever experienced in my life. Also, I was acting different. Why was the hard assed bitched Helenias here anyway? I was nto one to just care about some man Oddly however, I found I did care. I wanted to know more about this strange man and I wanted to talk to this Q’Dunn. Why, I didn’t know. He was, after all an enemy. All be it temporarily suspended for now. Eventually he broke the silence.

“How do you like meat cooked?”

“Well done” I replied. “Look, Q’Dunn…”

“Marcus” he said.

“Marcus?”

“Yeah, that’s my real name. Marcus Q’Dunn. I’ve forgotten what yours is”

“Umm, Helenias… Evenstar”

“Helenias Evenstar” he said thoughtfully in that odd accent. It sounded wonderful, musical almost. “Evenstar. It suits you m’lady. You shine like the first star at night”

“Flatterer” I said half seriously.

“No, really you do. I’m sorry you would think I would use words without meaning them. Maybe that’s why I dreamed of you. You’re the most beautiful human I have ever seen”

“Hate to break it to you, I’m not human”.

“Your… not?” he said with some surprise.

“No. I thought the ears would give it away”

Marcus looked at me again, while I brushed my hair back with a hand. “Well… never noticed. What race are you then?”

“Sindarian”

“Never heard of it” he admitted.

“What about you? Human?”

“Probably not” he said. “I’m nearing 100. I’m not aging right for a human”

Nearly 100? “What’s your guess?”

“Part Falleen. Don’t know of any near human race that ages as slow as I do.”

I gave him a look of appraisal. “Maybe. So. You were saying about how beautiful I was?” Hey, why not. Flattery could get you a long way.

“Oh. Well, you are. Are you married or likewise committed?”

Blink Ummm... that's not what I was expecting “Uh… no. Why?”

“Why?”

“Cause…. It’s not my life. I’m not a brood mother. I’m a warrior and I’m not interested. Why would I want to do something so foolish?”

“Fair enough. Look, I’m sorry about saying that, it wasn’t called for. To be honest I’d rather not dream of you, I’d rather never see you again after tonight. I just think I need someone to talk to and the dream was a way of the Force saying it was you I should do so to. Well. You want to hear me out?”

“Sure” I said. “What about?”

“Me. My life. I feel…. I need to confess what I’ve done. I don’t want forgiveness, but I want someone to know. Does that make sense?”

“I think so”

“Good…..”

It was surreal. Eating desert rat as this man I knew as Venom began telling me his life. I felt sure he was leaving bits out, but he told me many things I found hard to believe anyway. A Sith Master he had been, murderer, deceiver. His life had been one of power and anger until Harrvii, when he tried to kill the same children whom we had rescued, found he could not sink that low. “It was as if I found some spark of compassion, of mercy in me. That I’m afraid a Sith should never have. I failed and in that the Dark side control over me broke”

“Just like that?” I interjected.

“Just like that. It’s hard to explain, but in that, I found something much more profound. I found that I was living a lie. All this.. power was false and not really mine. I was a Dark Side pawn. I rebelled, went to ground. Did you ever stop to smell flowers Helenias? Watch children at play? It’s like nothing I can describe. I thought my soul was twisted and evil, but I found I’m not. I can’t be. There’s something deep down that will not let go of what we call good and light. Now it’s been unfettled and I don’t know what to do. My life up to now is worthless and over. I so much want to have forgiveness for the past deeds, then make sure they never happen again. I have so much to pay pack. I have to remember Harrvii”

“Why, was that your fault?” I asked.

“My Master’s more precisely. She must have found out who back stabbed her and came after me with a hammer like no other. Or maybe decided to show how useless compassion and peace are. Either way, the fact I was there was the reason Harrvii was destroyed. I…. Went back after you last saw me. I landed there and looked around. The Vog’on did their work well. The place is a fog enshrouded wreck. Nothing living could grow there again. So… I swore vengeance. The person who did that will die at my hands. I wont stop until she dies.. then…”

“Then what?” I prompted softly.

“I’ll find somewhere quiet and live out the rest of my life in peace”

“Nice dream. Think it could happen?”

“No” he replied matter-of-factly. “But, I have to believe there’s peace for me out there. I have to believe I can be forgiven. Otherwise, I may as well die now, for without that, life sucks”

“People die Marcus. You’re not the only killer out there. I’m one – I’ve killed many times. I’m Imperial”

“You never killed innocents however”

“True” I admitted. “Does that make a difference in your mind?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know a lot of things now. I don’t know where I’m going or what tomorrow brings. I’m just Marcus for the first time and I’m not sure what that means”

“You should meet a friend of mine. You sound like you think like he does”

“Oh?”

“Yes, you met him. James Tohmahawk.”

“Oh, yes. He’s been on my mind too. How is he?”

“Pretty good. Drop by his place sometime”

“Might do that” Marcus paused, looking up at the clear desert night sky for a while. Must have been at least ten minutes before he spoke again. “You know Helenias…. This has been worthwhile. I feel lighter. Maybe I can sleep tonight. Maybe… I’ll sleep right here even. How about you?”

“Here will do me”

“Okay. Goodnight and thanks for listening”

He made good with his words, curling up in front of the fire and clearly going to sleep quickly. I stayed up some time, thinking about what he said…… and found myself in the morning waking up, a blanket over me, a water pack and a Para compass with directions back to Mos Eisley. The fire was out and Marcus with that ship were gone. He did leave a note however.


Thank’s mlady. I’ll look Tohamahwk up. My God protect and guide you

Unsigned the note was. There was nothing else left behind. Seemed like he was gone once again, this time for good. Not sure what to think of it all, I made my way back to Mos Eisley, then eventually back to Coruscant and home. I fell back into the old way of life after a while and forgot about him. For a year at least I think. Wasn’t until I made a midnight visit to Tohmahawk after some months, coming into the NR Captain’s lounge room to see he had a guest – someone with a five day beard, surrounded by takeaway cartons and drink bottles, a smile on his face. His clothes looked worn, but he was noticeably chirpy and cheerful. “Hey James…. You lucky bastard! Why didn’t you say you had the most beautiful girl in the Galaxy dropping by?”

“She comes by now and then” laughed James.

“Damn, if I had known that, I’d have turned up earlier!” Marcus burped and promptly fell unconscious from alcohol consumption. I rolled my eyes as James roared with laughter.

“How long has he been here?” I asked.

“Bout two weeks now. Not a bad kinda guy really. Straight up and a lot of fun. Bit quiet about his past tho. Didn’t know he really wasn’t a Jedi, he told me that much”

“Yeah.. I know” I stated.

Over the next couple of days before I returned to my base (Isn’t weird I knew a NR soldier and I was full blood Imperial?) I learned what Tohmahawk meant about fun loving. Marcus was straight out insane. And a flirt. Not bad and he never did anything really to keep going, but anything in a skirt he made a pass at. Tohmahawk was the real skirt chaser, but really, I had to admit those two were becoming fast friends. In a way I felt left out of their rapport. One thing I did notice was Marcus never made a pass at me. Nor looked me over. He seemed more to think I was one of the guys. Odd, but somehow gratifying. Marcus and I were becoming friends too, to the point I’d knew I’d miss his antics after I left.

When I left finally, they were peeing off a landing platform, laughing like kids as they tried to hit the speeders below. I smiled as my speeder departed, making a note not to go that way.

Life as an Imperial was getting harder. There was less and less of us, plus… The Royal Guards were nearly all gone. Only Grandfather was really left, which meant in a lot of ways I was left to my own devices. Some fighting now and then, but the nature of my work was changing. More espionage. Still satisfying. I also made sure my occasional forays to the Republic were seen as spying. Be that as it may, when I got back to where Tohmahawk was, Marcus was gone without leaving a forwarder.

I was fairly surprised to find I was disappointed. Well, seemed Marcus was gone again. Pity.

But that wasn’t so. A week later he somehow found where I was and put a comm. call to me.

“Hey, Helenias. I’m in the area. Want to catch up?”

“Oh, yes of course!” I said with some surprise. “Where?”

“I’ll pick you up. We can also catch a performance at Coruscant Grand Performance Arts”

I agreed and for the rest of the day I was like a young girl, flighty and anxious. Most unlike me. What would Grandfather think? What would my real father think? Wasn’t I getting somewhat off my real purpose? Find the one…. Oh what was I caring about that right now. I had spent seventy years involved in this chase and I had gotten nowhere. Why not spend some time with a good friend?

He picked me up on time. I was dressed in a fairly simple dress, nothing fancy. He was in basic clothes as well. The speeder he used was fairly old, but worked well. First the café where we caught up and surprisingly, he opened up about himself a bit. Told me his favorite holo-movies. A few sports he liked (He used to be in the Kuat Dragons smashball team he told me) and just.. talked. Nearly missed the opening to the performance he had tickets to see. Was some sort… of… gah, I had no idea! What was thing we were watching? Some sort of…

“Marcus what is this?” I hissed

“It’s opera. It’s called From Dusk till Dawn”

“You like this sort of thing?!?!”

“Well… yes. It’s cultured. It's about vampires”

"Vampires???? Marcus, that's silly, vampires like this don't exist"

"So? Opera isn't reality"

Well, beats me what he was talking about. Beats me what this opera was about either. Was entertaining I guessed. One thing I did notice was that we were trying to share the one armrest and it wasn’t working.

“Oh, stop it. We’ll share the armrest” I said, looping my arm within his. It felt natural, but I still felt him tense, then gradually relax. His hand took hold of mine. I think I nearly melted. Feelings and thoughts I had never had before were beginning to come into mind. We didn’t speak for the rest of the performance, not until the lights came back on and the audience were beginning to leave.

“You got my hand” Marcus stated.

“I know”

“I don’t suppose I could persuade you to let go?”

“Nope”

“Good, cause I don’t want you to” he said. “Want to go for a walk?”

Does it sound strange that for a being as old as I was (Even if I didn’t look it), this was the first time I even held hands? A life filled with fighting and war – never even been touched. Never wanted to be touched. Oh, how all those suppressed feeling were trying to make their way out now! I was excited and nervous. Truly nervous and even scared. Fearful. What was going to happen now?

We walked silently for a while, going to a park. Of course it was a artificial one as no natural plant life was left on Coruscant – but it was shadowy with it’s trees, it smelt nice and it was dark. We sat on a bench still holding hands. And sat there quietly for a few minutes, not speaking, not looking at each other. Stuff this I thought. I moved right next to him, touching his body with mine. He was nice and warm, smelt nice too.

“Hmm?” he asked, sounding puzzled.

“Are you going to kiss me or not?” I asked

He stared at me as if I had gone mad. Obviously not. So, taking matters further into my own hands, I made a grab for him and kissed. I had the distinct feeling, even with my eyes closed, Marcus right now was verging on panicking and bolting.

“Oh no you don’t mister” I said, coming up for air, “Your not going anywhere”

“Helenias, what are you doing??” he yelped. “I thought we were just friends!”

“Sorry, not anymore. Now you going to kiss me?”

“Can’t we talk this over??” he pleaded.

“No”

“Just let me go?”

“No”

“Let me think?”

“No”

He realized he was cornered. “I got no say in this?”

“Depends what you got to say”

He managed to push me away a bit (Damn!) and just gathered his thoughts. “Okay. Let me say something. I thought we were just friends, because in my wildest dreams, I never thought I’d have a chance with a woman. Added she is one of the most intelligent, skilled and…. straight out… beautiful women I ever laid my eyes on. Forgive me my lady, but I’m not much. You can do so much better than me. Your beauty and your mind excels anything I deserve. Why would you want someone like me?”

“Because your honest, detirmined and not so bad looking yourself. A girl could do a lot worse than you Marcus”

“But.. what about… my past?”

“It’s over with. The future is open and only you can write it for yourself”

“But… “ I could sense he was realizing he was grasping for straws “… surely you have other suitors? Surely? Why me?”

“Marcus, I don’t know why you. I can’t explain what I feel right now. I know who you were, I know what you are now. For a while I’ve been hoping for more than just friends” I paused, because I knew I was going to do something I never done before – I was going to expose my heart and my soul. I took a breath, then simply plunged on in, damn the consequences. “I feel right with you. There isn’t another being that makes me feel like I want to be a woman. That’s what I am Marcus – I’m a warrior, I’m an Imperial Guard and so many other things – but those are things that I layer over myself. I’m a woman, I’m far from home, I’m lonely and I want to be a woman for someone. Can’t that person I’m a woman for be you? Can’t I give my heart to a man whom .. whom….. I love?” I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, as I drew away, head bowed and hands in my lap, shocked at just how true that was. I was shocked at just how strong my feelings for Marcus were. “I… just want to be Helenias for you. I want to love you. Will you do so in return?” I finished, looking up at the man on the other side of the bench, tears coming down my face. I could not believe it – I was crying. I felt ripped in two. I felt like an internal war was raging. I felt… His hand reaching out, touching my face and wiping away the tears of so gently!

My heart literally skipped a beat and I froze.

“Helenias… I told you before you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen on Tattooine. I meant it then and I meant it now. But… “

“But what?!?!” I pleaded.

“But…. But….” He sighed, bowing his head, as if admitting defeat. “Stuff it. I cant believe I’m trying to find excuses when the best woman I’ve ever met is literally throwing herself at me. Come on. Let’s walk”

“Just walk?”

“For now, yes”

I swallowed my disappointment, but did as he said. I got up and walked along side him. We reached a lamp post, at which he stopped abruptly.

“What’s up?” I asked

“I wanted to see your face properly. I wanted…. To read your eyes. I want to see if your soul really is matching what your saying”

“Is… it?” I asked softly.

“Yes. Listen to what I say and read my eyes, for they say eyes are a window to the soul. Helenias Evenstar, you are beautiful beyond my wildest dreams. May I kiss you?”

I bit my lip slightly, feeling scared once again. I nodded. He leaned down, his lips touched mine ever so gently. I felt myself stiffen, then I began to relax, the fear melting with the continued pressure of his lips against mine. I reached up, put my hand to the back of his neck. I felt his hands and arms encircle me, drawing me close so we touched, body to body. I put my other hand around his neck, melting with the kiss that seemed to go forever, blowing away all thought and flooding me with passion and heat. We finally drew back, I was gasping for breath. My God… I was weak at the knees with the experience of that first real kiss. I opened eyes I hardly realized I had closed, I stared up into his face, wide eyed and stunned.

“Helenias, I love you” he said simply and softly.

“Marcus, I love you too” I managed to reply, before I closed my eyes again and he bent to kiss me once more.

<center>--</center>

For the next few weeks, I spent every waking moment with him. He did open up and talk about his time as a Sith Lord – what he had done, what he learned. It was clear to me he was one extraordinarily powerful Force User, although he said since Harrvii, he hadn’t touched any of his power. “Too many bad memories Helenias. All it’s done is bought evil and destruction. I don’t want that any more. I want to be free and walk just as another man. I want peace and stillness of my soul. I wonder where I’ll find it – what about you, what do you want?”

“To go home” I admitted.

“And where’s that?”

“Many parsecs away – near the edge of the western spiral. In the Unknown regions”

“What’s it like, your home?”

“Oh, it is beautiful. It’s peaceful and quiet. I loved it”

“When was the last time you were back?”

I sighed, crossing to a window of the room we were in, having dinner together, to look out at the teeming streets and flight ways of Coruscant. “Must be close to 50 years”

He joined me, slipping a warm arm around my shoulders. “Why don’t you go back and show me? I’d love to see where you were born”

“I can’t. I have a job to do”

“Nani? A job to do?”

“I’m out here to find some one. A Numerorian from my system. He was taken from Arnor by a woman we named Callista” I stopped as I felt the wave of hatred from Marcus – clear and powerful. “Marcus? What’s wrong?”

“Callista…” he breathed, eyes flat and angry. “She was the one that ordered the destruction of Harrvii. I swear, I’m going to remove her innards and hoist them up a flag pole. You want to find her? I know where she is”

“Did you ever see another being that…”

“Never saw one like you. Not that I remember. What are you supposed to do to that one?”

I returned my gaze out the window. “Kill him. He could bring destruction to my people”

“Right. Then I guess we have a job to do”

“We? Since when did this become we, mister?”

“Since the park” he said, with a smile I could see reflected in the glass of the window. “I don’t know about you Helenias, but why don't you and I get together and take on the galaxy and be together forever?”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, disengaging from his arm so I could look at him in the face.

“Pretty much what I said. Ummm look, I don’t know what you Sindarian do, but…” he ended uncertainly, as if suddenly getting afraid, courage deserting him. In fact, he looked very scared. “Ummm, forget I said anything okay?”

Quite abrupty, I made a grab for his hands. I made a guess, gently unfolding them. In the left hand was a small golden ring. Marcus himself was now looking mortified.

“Are you thinking about proposing to me, mister?” I said, keeping a straight face.

“Yes.. No NO! Never crossed my mind” he said in a rush.

“Oh, what a pity, it’s a beautiful ring. May I keep it anyway?”

“Well ahh…”

“Thank you!” The poor man was in such a state, normally so strong and stern, now he was nothing more than water. He was staring wild eyed as I picked the ring up and placed it on my finger. “Oooh, don’t you think it looks pretty on my hand?”

“Uhhh…”

“And the answer is yes, of course I will. You and I get together and take on the galaxy and be together forever. You be my husband and I’ll be your wife”

Some colour was beginning to come back to his face. “You… said… yes???”

“Why, didn’t you expect that?”

“Well.. no. I’m not much. And you… your beautiful and have so much more than I do. I have nothing more to give to you than my love. Why would you settle for that?”

“Because… you love me. Honestly, truthfully and unreservedly. Why would I want more? What more could you give than yourself?”

“I… I don’t know”

“Then don’t argue. Marcus, you and I, Together, Forever.”

He began to smile uncertainly, before the emotion of the moment got to me - I squealed in delight as I tackled Marcus and kissed him.

I was going to be married!

<center>--</center>

So it was, barely a month later, we were wed. Quietly, with Tohmahawk as the witness. I had a white dress, while he had a military uniform. Simple vows and an exchange of rings. That night-

- ahem. No comment. Let’s just say I was one very tired and satisfied woman the next morning. Marcus was worried that he could only give himself? It was going to do me. Mmmmm. The next few days were so clear with a bond forming between us. Just talking, holding hands. Enjoying life that had turned so fast and so wonderfully. He was even slowly resuming the use of the Force. Especially as a form of….. You know, I could never mention that without giggling in embarrassment. Nor think of it. I’m sure that was not what the Jedi of old who discovered The Force had in mind.

Thinking of The Force, Marcus began to open my mind to what was possible. I was a quick student, which was fortunate – Marcus had no patience.

“I’d never be a Jedi” he said one evening, lying in a mattress, looking up at the stars in the sky after we had shared a training session.

“Why’s that?” I asked.

“I just can’t see myself agreeing with them. Besides, is it not the case a Jedi should not marry? Have commitments and stuff? You know what I’m like, I’m a love sick puppy following you around my lady. I’m not leaving you”

“That’s good, not letting you. Oh, did a package come for me today?”

“Yes, actually. I forgot about it”

“Mind getting it?”

“Sure” he said, getting up. A moment later, he was back with a plain wrapped parcel, about 70 cm long and 20 wide. “This it?”

“Yes. Open it please”

“Okay… what is it?” he asked, beginning to tear the wrapping away. I didn’t answer, choosing to roll over onto my stomach to watch his reaction. He found a red wood box, with a gold latch. The latch was obviously old, but well maintained. It clicked open and he lifted the lid. He stared for a moment, wide eyed, before slowly reaching and drawing out the twin stage lightsabre, a truly ancient design that resembled a sword hilt. The bottom half was finished in leather and steel, and had the hilt on the ignition end. The second stage was likewise finished, without the hilt.

“What.. the… frell? Helenias, where in the seven hells did you get this thing?” He breathed in awe

“I lifted it”

“You WHAT?!???? Where from?”

“Emperor’s personal museum, just after he fell. I grabbed a few other bits and pieces – do you like it?”

“Like it? Helenias.. I‘ve never thought a sabre could look like this! Can I try it out?”

I nodded and just like a big kid, he got up, pressing the activation button for the first stage. It worked through the second stage to produce a blue blade. He activated the second stage as well, the blade glowed brighter then began to colour shift. Entranced, Marcus stared at it, enraptured. Fascinated with the way the blade changed.

“It’s said a person of the dark side can’t touch it, least they burn. It also has cortoris particles in the hilt plus I understand a Jedi Master can unlock other secrets it has. It’s called Athona, Bringer of Light”

He swung it experimentally, before shutting it down. “Do the stages separate?”

I nodded.

Marcus examined the blade, saw something that bought a smile to face, then disengaged the stages. “My lady, let this sabre be for both of us. Keep the second stage for me. I will keep the first”

“No, it is only for you!” I exclaimed.

“Keep the second stage for me. I did not say own it”

I smiled, getting up. “Of course. Now what did you see that made you smile like that?”

“This”

A bright light came from his hand, there was the smell of burnt metal. He handed me the second stage which, to my surprise, was almost too hot to handle. I looked it over to see that there was a still glowing inscription, etched onto it by some method I did not know

<center><img src=http://panic.hopto.org/swf/marcus/helen/athonatg.jpg></center>

Marcus and Helenias

Together, Forever

“Together, Forever” I whispered
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<td style="vertical-align: top; background-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" background="http://panic.hopto.org/swf/marcus/helen/jedihelenias.jpg"><font size="-1" color="#B89A0C">
About three months after our wedding (Now, what would Father and the Wise think of that? Not much I suspected), we both dropped by to see James. We were due to leave for a bit of a trip, Marcus and I. We wouldn’t be seeing Tohmahawk for a while. He suggested we go for a walk. Both Marcus and I agreed.

It was about 15 minutes later when we both realized that we had let our guard down. Love had blinded us to the dangers still existing in the universe, we had thought that we could be done with them. It was not so. Holding hands and joking between each over, we were walking over a bridge that went over one of the many huge building valleys of Coruscant, when James turned to us, a look of pain on his face.

“I’m sorry… forgive me. But I have to do this for my sister to live”

Marcus suddenly tensed, but for both of us, it was too late. Tohmahawk, the man we trusted, whom was our friend, had a remote activator in his hand. In bad holos the villain revealed would pause to give their motives, to gloat maybe over their victims. Not James. I remembered the look of anguish on his face as he pressed the button. I remember the horror I felt. I heard Marcus yell something. Then in a blinding and deafening explosion, the bridge right under our feet was blasted to pieces. I was thrown far, tumbling through the air, feeling myself fall as flaming wreckage fell alongside me, screaming as I was hit, feeling the burning of my clothes and then a thud.

Then nothing.

From the bottom of a long, deep tunnel, I seemed to wake. Slowly coming to, blinking at the bright light.

“Am I dead?” I asked.

“No… far from it” replied a voice I knew.

“Grandfather????” I exclaimed. “Where am I?”

“Medical ward my dear Helenias. We just bought you out of the bacta tank a couple of days ago”

“Bacta tank?” I queried.

“Yes, you were one big mess. I feared for your life, but you have some strength in you my girl. A will to live”

“I.. just feel a bit weak. I certainly don’t feel all that bad” I admitted. “How long was I in the tank for?”

“20 days. The medics did a pretty good job on you, hardly a mark on you. So.”

“So?” I was able to see somewhat clearer. Grandfather was getting old, but he was still strong. White hair and still stood like a military man he was.

“So, tell me. Were have you been the last few months?”

“Being married” I admitted.

“Ahh. Nice man?”

“I think you would have liked him Grandfather”

He had a harsh look on his face that unexpectantly broke into a much softer one. “Don’t worry Helenias, I’m not angry. I understand. I married once”

He had? “What happened to you wife?”

“Killed in a rebel bombing” he said. “Now. What happened to you?”

I told my story, without pause. Grandfather only spoke after I finished at the point of the betrayal and the bombing. “You know how unlikely this Marcus of yours could have lived? You only survived because you landed in a rubbish pit”

“I do”

“And?”

I glanced down at the ring on my hand. “Are you expecting me to cry and break down? You taught me yourself, crying is for the weak”

“Good. I’ll go now. See if you can get up soon”

“I will”. I waited until Grandfather left, before I drew my knees up, put my chin on them, stared forward. He was right – my survival was a fluke, a chance. Marcus could not have lived. I would be strong.

I had to be strong.

My head bowed as I felt grief suddenly come crushing down on me.

What a load of crap

<center>--</center>

Outside of the room, the man whom Helenias knew as Grandfather bowed his head as the as the first cries of anguish and loss sounded from inside the room. He bowed his head, sharing her sorrow. The bitterness in the voice wailing and screaming for her Marcus broke his heart, for in the depths of his heart, he remembered his wife he had loved so much. Also, he felt for the woman he thought genuinely of as a grand-daughter.

“No, no, no, Marcus! No! Please no!” came a final scream before uncontrolled sobbing. Grandfather chose that moment to leave. She’d be okay, he thought. She was much stronger than even she realized

<center>--</center>

Five days later, I went back to the place of the bombing. Feeling like a hollow shell, I looked over the edge of the broken bridge, before placing a single red thorned flower at the edge.

“I’m going to get whoever did this. I’m going to rip their frelling heart out. I’m going to show what it means to frell with Lord Fire Blade. NO ONE does this to me!”

With that, I put the helmet of the Imperial Guard back on my head and ripped off the cloak that covered the rest of the blood red armour. This was war. I was not going to rest until the person or persons who took Marcus away from me were frying over a slow fire. The top suspect – Callista.

The next days, it was war. What my Imperial contacts, coupled with the knowledge Marcus had, I attacked targets of Callista. I killed without passion or emotion. All I thought of was destruction and revenge. It consumed me, completely. My name came known and bounty hunter came after me. I executed them like the scum they were…..

<center>--</center>

Beep

The recorder stopped as I leaned back on my chair. It was 15 years later. I was in a cruiser, running from another Callista inspired trap, yet again trying to catch Marcus, whom had after all had survived that deadly trap. That man was proving harder to kill than a roach. I smiled, feeling tired and a bit sore from the fight on Carohdas we had gotten away from, alive. And here I was, working on something I had taken up since I had first gotten ill – writing my life story. Why I would do that, I didn’t know – who would read it? Maybe it was because of the illness. Maybe I was getting older – after all, I was close to 100 in Galactic reckoning. Maybe I was trying to sort my life out, for the last year had bought about extraordinary changes. For one, I found out Marcus had lived through the bombing, only to be ambushed and killed two years ago at Whitetown at Arcan IV. I had become a Jedi. I had been looking after for some years the young daughter of a Jedi Master, whom had been killed, Jina Jade. My Grandfather had finally died at 93. Venom, the huge clone of the man I loved was dead at my hands. And in a few days time, the young woman whom I had legally adopted as my daughter and a fellow Jedi Knight, Xazor Dawnstrider, was to give birth.

How strange to think I was to become a grandmother and I hardly looked older than Xazor herself. None of my beauty had gone, if anything a bit of aging had taken some of the girlish look away and I was in full woman-bloom. I had two good Padawans and had trained one to the rank of Knight. My latest one was also something of a bodyguard, for I was also Senator of Arcan IV. Not that I really needed a guard, there really wasn’t much that could threaten me and live. Still, having someone to watch out for me was good.

But over and above that all, a year ago, was the reappearance of Marcus in my life. Much grimmer, he looked more careworn. And he had a beard and dressed oddly. Much like the Numenorians did. In fact….

“Mother, did I tell you? I asked if Marcus would allow me to call him Father.. and he did!” cried Xazor just as the ship we were on had ripped into hyperspace

I remembered smiling.

“I’m an Elessar now, just like you!”

A what? That wasn’t right, I thought. His name was Q’Dunn, right? Now, upon further questioning, I found that was indeed what he was calling himself. Marcus Elessar.

Friend of The First Born? Why in the galaxy would he pick out a Numenorian name like that?

Even stranger, I found he had learned the language of the Quenya. Why hadn’t he told me these things himself? It seemed that over the last few months, since I had last seen him, he had changed and become a stranger. He was blind I knew, but that should not explain the sudden changes. Or the fact he had gone out of his way to avoid me onboard this cruiser. I knew the prophecies and visions I had in regard to the birth of Xazor’s child were not favourable to him, but why was he seeking not to even look at me?

Even more disturbing was what Xazor said regarding his birth place.

“He didn’t have to tell me, but I’ve seen it in his mind – a place of burning sand and huge gravity. He’s been there a few years ago!”

I really had to think about this. Something was not right here. I was about to resume recording, when I suddenly had it. I knew why I was recording. I was looking for something. Something right in front of my face that I had missed.

Marcus was no human.

He spoke Quenya like a native.

He had a Numenorian name.

He admitted to being a slave of Callista the Black…

Just right there, I felt the urge to throw up. No, not urge – I leapt out of my chair and ran for the bathroom.

Washing my pallid face later, I decided enough was enough. I was going to find out what was causing my illness. If those damn Cizerack quacks couldn’t figure it out, then I would using the equipment right here on this cruiser. I got changed into a simple dress and barefoot I quietly left my room to walk the halls of the ship.

Not surprisingly, most of the halls were only dimly lit. Not knowing where the medical section was, I made my way to the bridge first, walking so silently that no one could hear my passage. The cold floor was chilly on my feet, but that didn't really bother me. I came to the bridge, not going in there as I could hear voices. A soft one and a more military voice. I picked the military one for Tondry, my Padawan and the other with the accent as Marcus. That bought a smile to my face. They were both quite alike and if they could bury their competitive streaks, I thought they could be good friends. Not wanting to bother or interrupt, I chose another direction and continued my search.

Took a few minutes, but I found the medical room eventually, a few levels down. It was dark and unlocked. Switching on the light, I was plesantly surprised to see it was all highly modern, clean and obviously unused. There was even a switched off EmDee medical droid. I padded over to the scanner bed, took note of the controls. In the past, I had recieved some forms of medical training, so this scanner bed was not too hard for me to program. I knew it would have problems with my alien body type, but that was fine - I would watch the monitor as it scanned. I was familiar enough with myself that I could probably spot anything. Getting up on the bed, I leaned back and lay down, relaxing for a brief moment as the scanner came on, bathing the room with a green light. Readings began coming up, most incomphresible, but still there was enough to understand. The scanner moved...

"What? Stop. Back up" I verbally ordered the machine. It did so, rescanning one particular area which showed up differently. I concentrated, follwoing the green track until it finished and the result was on the screen. I stared. I blinked. This was a joke, wasn't it? I ordered a rescan. It came up, exactly the same.

I felt my blood run cold as I stared. No, the Cizerack medics hadn't missed it, they must just not have told me. Someone had decided to hold this back, obviously for a moemnt when the news could be broken gently and easily. The horror of what I was seeing began to creep into my awareness and in this one, blind, cold moment, I knew what fear truly was.

"Oh my God" I said quietly. "Oh God, no. Please no. Please. Not this. Not this... anything but this.... Not this death sentance..."

Denying it wasn't going to change anyhting. There it was, green, blinking and incurable. There wasn't a thing I could do about it. The disease... no...

I was a dead woman. I knew it. I knew it in my heart. My life was as good as over.

"YOU FRSKING BASTARD!" I screamed suddenly, the horror turning into anger at this.... this cosmic joke. "I DAMN WELL HATE YOU, YOU MISREBLE PRICK! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME????" I pushed the scanner away roughly, then leapt off the bed. Keeping some presence of mind for now, I stalked out of the room, feelignthe anger welling, ready to explode out in a rush. I felt this terrible need to smash something - anything. The medical centre was too worthwhile, so I chose to look into a few other doors,. The second one was a bar. I closed the door behind me, turned the light on. Tables, chairs, bottles on a wall. Fixtures. Mechanically I picked up a chair. With the fire in my blood getting hotter every second, I hefted it, then with one explosive movement, flung it agaisnt a mirror. The glass exploded and the chair broke. a second later, it was as if a tornado had arrived, for I set to the room in an orgy of hate filled destruction. Chairs and tables flew, glass crashed, bottles spilled their contents as I screamed foul language and expressed my hate at a Galaxy that would do this to me. I hardly felt the cuts from flying shrapnel. I didn't care. All I wanted to do was destroy.

"I HATE YOU! YOU AND ALL OF YOUR FOUL KIND!!! WHY GOD... WHY???" I screamed, smashing a table to pieces. "WHY DID YOU BRING THIS HELL ON ME???????"</td>
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[Lilaena De'Ville]

There were loud noises coming up the passageway towards her. A head cocked to the side and dark hair fell into her eyes as the woman made out the words being screamed near the other end of the deck.

"Why did you bring this hell on me?!" There was a distant sound of something being smashed, and then as the Force enhanced the senses...the sound of muffled, hysterical sobs. Another outburst of shouting caused the eavesdropper to withdraw her 'ears,' in sudden pain.

A vague question crossed her mind, and just as quickly disappeared. Who cares? Not her, that was for sure. Someone wanted to weep on their own time, that was one thing. No one ever wasted tears on her; she wasn't about to start caring about anyone else. Although that wasn't quite true. He'd cried. He didn't think she'd seen, but she had, and it had broken her heart, if it were possible to break something already rent asunder.

Careless words. That's all it boiled down to, was forgotten words and a tongue to quick to deliever opinions. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. If only it were true.

Words had a power about them. They had the power to forgive, and the power to soothe. Words could be salt in a wound, or sugar in a smile. Deception and lies were as real as Truth, and sometimes appeared more real than daggers in the back. And wounded more deeply.

"You've changed." His eyes had been sad as he pronounced her doom. Changed...changed... In reality, it had been he who had changed. Jedi? A padawan learner? She'd tried to make it work, but in reality it was a fool's quest. She couldn't wrap her mind around his change. On the outside he was the same, and even on the inside there was the familiar blank feeling. He'd never fully told her what the Witch had done to him, and her encounters with Kasajian were less than helpful. But even the emptiness had changed. As though...as though he were growing a new soul. His purposes had changed directions, and she was being left behind.

Casualty of war, but not the regular, kill'em-shoot'em-up sort of war. It was a war of ideals, a clash of world views.

No one won those wars. Wars that dealt with words were bloodless, but much more devestating.

The yelling had quieted down once more, and the woman lifted her head to stare at the bulkhead she was sitting against, as though she would look through the many walls between she and the shouter. She'd only come to this deck because she thought no one else would come. Injuries were dealt with by the Jedi, the huge pregnant one. Apparently she was close to birth... The woman felt a pang of....remorse? Jax. He was almost three. Gods she missed him.

Something down the hall popped and broke, temporarily knocking out the emergency lights on the medical deck. Lilaena unfolded her lean body as the lights flickered back on, and stretched. Might as well see what was going on. It was only one, from what she could sense, and what harm could one do to her?

She slowly entered the long passageway, and started the trek to the actual medical wards, past all the crew quarters. The doorways were closed up tightly, no crewers stowed within. No one alive, anyway. Her booted feet were cushioned by the military type carpeting, and her body was encased in a nondescript, form-fitting black jumpsuit. She'd managed to clean up in the med ward before settling down in an abandoned bunk for a rest.

He was on board. They hadn't spoken since Chandrila and the storm. It was just as well. She didn't know what she'd say. Words were powerful, but only if you knew the right ones to use. She'd already exhausted everything she'd had to say on the subject.

As the Dark Jedi drew closer, she was able to determine that indeed there was only one other being on the med ward wing. It was stationary, now, and not screaming anymore, which was a good thing. Lilaena ran through several possibilities in her mind, and settled on a plan of action. Curiousity had killed many a cat, but she wasn't the type to be a pu55y.

Hand on her lightsaber hilt, just in case - as many Jedi were head cases anyway and tended to attack first before asking questions, De'Ville walked into the officer's club and headed straight past a huddled figure towards a sink near the back and behind the bar of this paticular room.

She picked her way across the debris on the ground, and reached the sink, turning it on and sticking her mouth in the stream of water, getting a much needed drink.

[Helenias Evenstar]

Eventually, even the anger and the hate dissapated leaving an emptiness. A sense of loss that I could not truly explain, huddled as I was, staring at some point not seemingly in the room. The place itself could not have been more effectively destroyed if a bomb had exploded. In many ways, one had - one labelled Helenias Evenstar.

Now with the adrenaline gone, there was fear. Fear of what was coming. I for one had only tasted fear once or twice before and it was something I was not finding plesant. Lost as I was like this, I hardly noted the entrance of someone else. I did note the crunch of boots on glass. I did see out of the corner of my eye legs. And then heard the sound of a tap. I glanced up, wondering whom it was.

"Oh. Ummm, Hi. This wasn't your room was it?" I said a bit shepishly and as an opening line. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but your Lilaena De'ville, right?"

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"If it was, it is not anymore." She wiped the back of her hand over her mouth. "You have me at a disadvantage, because I do not know who you are." The woman was young looking, about the same age as De'Ville herself. Long dark hair, and wide eyes like pools of emotion.

The emotion they were reflecting now was fear.

De'Ville eyed the lightsider, wondering if she was really all that well known. This woman must know someone who knew of her.

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Oh... I'm.... Helenias. Helenias Evenstar. I ummm... know you through a few mutual accquantencies"

Not sure of the ground I was on, I stood up, very cautiously. This De'ville I had heard was a Sith Master. Even if I had walloped Masters of both sides in the past, now was not a good time to start something. Besides, was there any call for it?

"Sorry if I disturbed you or anything, but I've really, really had a bad day. I had to let out some frustration" I glanced around the destroyed room with a rueful grim on my face.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Okay so she knows someone I know. De'Ville didn't know very many Jedi...at least not personally. One she knew very personally. The Dark Jedi put her hands on her blacksuited hips. "I can tell. Guess the peace and calm you Jedi spout off about is not always there for you, eh?"

Idle curiousity screamed that she should ask what was so wrong that a Jedi would thrash a room to bits in a ship she did not personally own. But Lilaena kept quiet, chosing to let the woman speak of her own volition. "I would say you need a drink, but I think you already smashed all the good stuff." She winked.

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Yeah well, Jedi who believe in that peace and calm crap are boring and kidding themselves. If I couldn't get to lose my temper now and then, I'd think I'd explode.

The future seemed to take a branch in front of me. I could clearly see talking about Pierce was a bad idea. At all cost, that was to be avoided.... something had happened between De'ville and Tondry, what it was I wasn't sure, but the way Tondry refused to even think about her.....

"I'll answer two of your questions - Your resonably well known to a friend of mine named Q'Dunn.... okay, he's not just.... ahhh..."

I closed my eyes, calming my mind. I felt like I was going to pieces.

"Look, I'll be straight with you. I need that drink very badly. I've just had my diplomatic trip blown to hell, I've been attacked by monsters and god knows what else, I've been fighting for like 12 hours non stop, my hushand wont talk or come near me cause I foretold he's going to die soon and I've just found out I'm dying. So if I seem a little emotional, can you blame me?"

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"Q'Dunn?" Her voice was tinged with anger...and curiousity. "I thought I saw him earlier.

"But, if you are dying*, are you sure you should be drinking? It is just as well you have smashed everything." Lilaena found a seat with no glass on it and dragged it nearer to Evenstar. Something she'd said came back to her mind. "Diplomatic trip? Ah...so you are the Senator...the Jedi Senator." The Dark Jedi looked over her appraisingly. Horrible choice.

Evenstar didn't look like much at the moment, but Lilaena could see the muscles of her body, and the easy way she had about her when she shifted positions. Everything about her screamed soldier...well, it was actually whimpering it at the moment. The thought of her as a diplomat was slightly amusing. "I do not blame you for emotion, Senator Evenstar. Yet...I think your talents go to waste with the Jedi."

A teasing gleam entered her hazel eyes, and Lilaena added, "I have seen Sith take out a squad of soldiers with what you unleashed in this room. Get angry, go waste something. Certainly not very Jedi-like of you." She was baiting her, but then, she was bored, and this would probably pass the time nicely.

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Oh? And you think my talents would be better used somewhere else... maybe prehaps the Hand?" I looked like I was thinking of this favourably, before leaning forward. "Dont waste your time. The Dark Side is an empty lie and I know it. You know it too, I feel. You just have not realised it yet - Dont bother trying to bait me, I can mostly likely deal out more than I get"

With a slight smirk, I wandered away to find a chair for myself and an unsmashed bottle. The cork proved no challenge as I removed it with my teeth, spitting it away. I didn't bother with a glass - I simply upended the bottle and drank whatever it was straight. In my Imperial days, I had tasted stronger - but it would do. It was a fairly nasty mix whatever it was. When I had consumed 1/3rd of the contents, I flicked the bottle to De'ville, who caught it deftly.

"And anyway, I don't want to have Dark Jedi / Jedi nonsense. I just want to talk woman to woman, okay?"

Not bothering to wait for an answer, I sat on my chair. Letting out a breath I looked up at the ceiling, wondering why my life had gotten so screwed up. Andn ot really bothering to see if she was listening, I just began to talk.

"Jedi Senator. Hmph. Great. Yeah, really great, listening to those idiots drone on about nothing, bored breastless, hearing all those dirty schemes in their minds, feeling the hate and the conflicts. What a disgusting, low and filty place. No common good. No one to care for the poor and the weak. And it's all built on a lie, just like Q'Dunn is all a lie. Q'Dunn doesn't even exist! It's just another one of his disguises, one of his identities to keep it secret who he really is. Well, I see through it now. I see his secret"

Suddenly I changed track.

"What to know what fear is? Realising the man you loved is really a monster. Realising he's capable of anything, any lie, any deception. Knowing he's a cold hearted killer. Knowing he's got.... powers that you can't understand - no one understands. And then trying to reconcile it back to the man who you have in bed with you. Who can touch and caress you and make your cares vanish by his smallest word. What would you think of that? What would you do?"

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She was obviously a raving lunatic, but then, with her husband, who could blame her? De'Ville gave no sign of recognition of the name "the Hand." The woman was obviously fishing for something, and she wasn't about to give her the satisfation.

De'Ville turned the bottle around in her hands, reading the label. Jet juice would have been preferrable to drinking this tripe. She set the bottle on the bar next to her, and casually took a seat on a stool as Senator Evenstar blathered on.

"..What would you think of that? What would you do?" Evenstar looked a little like a lost child, and De'Ville pondered her words for a moment.

"Q'Dunn may suffer from a variety of mental illnesses. The need to always hide himself, the multiple 'personas' he uses... There are many reasons this could be, one of which is an intense fear of harming those around him, to the point that he lost himself in his disguises years ago.

" You do love this monster, no matter how you cannot reconcile his actions of behaviors. And just because a man is good in bed, does not mean he has any other redeemable characteristics." De'Ville shrugged. "You two, from what I have understood, are a long lived race. So you have probably known each other a very long time. You have lived through and with his lies. So answer me this:

"Why would you stay with someone who proclaims their love for you with every word, but with every action lies and deceives you and those you care for?" De'Ville smiled a little sadly. "Q'Dunn walks a tightrope between two polar opposites. A place where a rope does not even exist. And, if you are asking me (which I believe you are), he is falling to the Darkside against his best efforts. The harder he fights back against 'evil.' the more he uses 'our' tactics, and the more intense his hatred of what he used to be...the closer he comes to joining...me." Lilaena's eyes glittered in the light of the one unbroken bulb, but from glee or sadness, it was hard to tell.

[Helenias Evenstar]

I stared at the other woman. On one level, her words made sense. But on a deeper level.... no. They were hollow and wrong.

"Mental illness? No - He would never join you or the dark side - you know that just as well as I do. When you have met him - did he try to kill you or has he been kind and helped you? Did he ask anything of you, or was is unselfish?"

"I dont know" I ended, rather lamely. "Elessar can kill a criminal in cold blood one moment and then put Jax to sleep in another. Imagine that. A warrior like him knowing how to sing a baby to sleep. Nothing about him adds up"

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"Even in your protests, you still admit that he does not make sense. Only your blind devotion to him tells you that my words are wrong. Evenstar, Q'Dunn kills in cold blood. What other reason do you need to suspect the Dark side in him? You yourself were once like that. I read your files. A Dark Side user you were...but apparently you have renounced that path." She sounded vaugely disappointed.

"You cannot tell me that the Dark side does not whisper to you in those moments when you face an unarmed enemy. That your husband thinks he can toy with the greatest power in the galaxy? That he can manipulate it to his will, and not be effected in return?"

[Helenias Evenstar]

"You really believe the crap your sprouting? Listen to yourself sometime - You Dark Siders are more deluded than I thought. You also didn't answer my question now, did you? But seems you want to persist on a mute point, I'll tell you straight out why Elessar is not infected with your short sighed disease, for this is at least clear to me - and I will tell you by asking a question. Some time ago, he came back to my room, worked up and unhappy. He was saying 'she was an ungrateful bitch, she never thanked him, owed him much and never said a word of kindness'. I asked what was he talking about. He refused to say. But now, I know that 'she' was you and you hurt him, genuinely. What was it he did for you and would he do it again, even if he knew how badly you would hurt him?"

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She slammed her fist on top of the bar, and shouted, "You fail to answer my question! Both you and your 'husband' are fools, Evenstar. My destiny has been set, but he has a chance. A choice. I see him and I see the Dark side in him whether or not you acknowledge it. He can either embrace this side of him, or fight it, but if he walks the path he is on at the moment it will destroy him."

Lilaena carefully massaged her hand, and took a deep breath, calming down the prickly feeling in her fingers, although anger still surged through her. Blindness to the obvious was one of her pet peeves. De'Ville was nothing if not a realist. Idealism fell by the wayside long ago.

"He saved my life. And I did not know how to express gratitude to him, so I did not. We are not sword brothers. We do not fight side by side, rather, we fight against each other. If he knew what was good for him, and he obviously does not, then he would have let me die.

"It is all I deserve."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Good for him? What about what's good for you? Maybe your the selfish, short sighted fool who has no idea what path your on. I know his path - I have seen it in this curse called foresight. He has no choice. Marcus dies when Xazor Elessar's child is born! He dies to save her, me, Tondry and also your worthless misreble and ungrateful butt. That's why I destroyed this place, because I'm going to lose him soon and... and... AND...."

I took a deep breath, trying to control myself. This was hard, so emotionally hard. So... hard.

"I had just come to accept that. I had my goodbyes ready. Now I find I am pregnant with his child and I don't want to let go again. I can't do this alone. I dont want to be alone. I dont want to raise a child by myself. You of all people should be able to understand that"

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"Then I guess you're frelled." She got to her feet. "If its sympathy you want then you are talking to the wrong bitch."

De'Ville didn't want to think about Jax. She didn't want to think about the path she was on, but she knew without a doubt where her path was leading her. To damnation. The Dark Jedi started to walk out of the room.

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Yes, I know I'm frelled. I dont want sympathy either. If I wanted that, I would have seen my Padawan. Your too obsessed with the dark side and your delusions anyway"

I turned my head slightly - the expression on my face could only be described as detirmined.

"All I want is for you to put aside your animosity, think of this as neutral ground, and have a drink with me"

[Lilaena De'Ville]

De'Ville turned around, picked up a chair and sat it upright, and sat on it backwards, facing Helenias. She put out her hand, called the bottle from the bar to herself, and opened the top.

"Don't pretend you know me, and we will get along great." De'Ville put her mouth on the bottle and tipped it back.

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Hi there - my name's Helenias Evenstar. I'm the legendary Jedi with a frelled up life. But don't let that put you off, I'm really a nice little girl. And you are...?" i said, looking around for another bottle of hopefully better tasting stuff.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She grunted, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "This stuff tastes like dren." De'Ville took another drink anyway. "Anyway, in your condition you should not be drinking."