Total Defense: Force Sense

[Pierce Tondry]

"Hello, Master," said Pierce as he entered the medical wing's private offices.

Helenias looked up from the medical bed where she was reclining. "Hello Pierce," she greeted him. Then she smiled at the young boy toddling along at his father's side. "Hello, young Jax."

"Hi!" Jax said brightly. He looked up at Pierce. "She have sad, Da?"

Pierce laughed aloud. "No, kiddo, no sad here today."

A foreign flicker crossed his thoughts and he frowned. Jax, on the other hand, jumped. "Color!"

Color? I felt it, too... But that didn't make sense. None of the people in the room should be thinking in color. "That wasn't you, was it?" he asked Helenias.

"What was?" she asked.

Pierce shrugged. "Nothing I guess. How've you been?"

"As well as can be expected," Helenias said. She leaned forward slowly. "Not quite feeling perfect, but I seem to be in one piece. How has your training gone?"

Pierce's lip twisted. "I've actually had some success with sensing. Jax is picking up the techniques as fast as I learn them, though. He's a bright boy."

Jax beamed at his father. "Da happy!"

"I need to pick up some way to guard my thoughts," he laughed. "He keeps picking them up."

And how are you, physically? his fingers asked.

[Helenias Evenstar]

I had been just going through the medical report just before Pierce walked in, coincidentally. That was placed by my side as Pierce came in and my face broke out into a smile seeing the toddler that I had looked after for 10 months.

"Put Jax up on the bed, if you dont mind. My, you have grown haven't you? You remember your Auntie Helenias, dont you?"

As Jax was lifted on the bed, my fingers sped in the familiar Imperial code, explaining what the medics had found. Finally. Here was official confirmation of the problem I had developed since before the incident on Harrvii.

... and biological incompatibility. It may hold, it may not. We'll know in the next few weeks if I'm out of danger. I hope so, I dont like being sick

[Pierce Tondry]

Incompatible? Pierce tugged on an earlobe, then drummed his fingers against the bedside table. Here's to hoping you recover. Talk about indigestion.

Jax, meanwhile, had wrapped Helenias in a tight hug. "You are a strong boy, aren't you?" she smiled.

"Gettin' big!" Jax announced proudly. He looked up at Pierce. "Da still big-big."

Pierce noted a wistful look in her eye. "They grow up so fast," he said. "And here, I bet you thought you'd have to feed him some more strained peas."

"That's one thing I won't miss," she said. "I lost a good pair of robes the one time."

Pierce laughed. "Club soda," he said wisely.

Helenias' fingers flickered. Read Jax, if possible. He and I will talk.

Pierce shut his eyes. "So Jax," he heard Helenias say. "What kind of food do you eat now?"

The fuzzy image of a piece of cake flashed through the inside of Pierce's eyelids, followed by some distorted-looking monga root. "Bumpy root!"

Pierce frowned. It was as though his receiving antenna was bent. He mentally collected himself, then tried to tighten his own thoughts with one of the techniques he'd looked up for clearing away mental clutter.

It seemed to work. The image of the root wavered and bent into a recognizeable shape, although it was still awkward looking. 'Maybe that's Jax's take on things factoring in somehow,' he thought. 'I need some way to calibrate this against an adult.'

[Helenias Evenstar]

Your well connected to Jax, so that makes it easier to sense what he may think. It is also the case his mental defenses are non-existant right now. Befire you think you may have a bent antenna, lets try something a little bit more precise

"Jax, do you have the little Ewok I gave you?"

"Wokky!"

"Remember what it looks like?"

"All dirty!'

Grey. It was grey, which I wouldn't have expected a toddler to know. Dirty looking was close enough.

What did you sense?

[Pierce Tondry]

Whuh!

Pierce had not at all been expecting telepathic contact from Helenias, and so it took him completely by surprise. The clarity of the mental speech also caught his notice, right before the entire outward focus he'd built up for sensing crumbled.

He opened his eyes, frowning in annoyance. Easy, his fingers said in handtalk. I'm not used to this stuff. Lemme try again.

With his eyes shut, Pierce quickly re-established the receptive state he'd created previously.

"You say it was dirty?" Helenias asked. Pierce could hear the smile in her voice, and he smiled himself.

There was a flash, a flicker, of the color gray with salt-and-pepper flecks to it. "Dirty!" Jax repeated. "He not washed! I try n' wash, but he still mess!"

... a hand reached down into the cloudy water and swished the toy around, then withdrew. The toy was lifted in close, then was lowered for another swishing. After further examination, the view lifted, revealing great, wide waves slowly tumbling to shore as the sunlight reflected off of them in a thousand different sparkles. There was just enough time for the hand with the toy to shade its view from a familiar looking sun before everything faded to black...

The swallow Pierce took was involuntary, born from awe at what must have been and nervousness from its very existence. He opened his eyes and found both Helenias and Jax looking at him, the expression on both faces quizzical.

"Da?" Jax asked, pointing at his mop of blonding hair. "You here?"

Pierce's tongue worked itself off the roof of his mouth. "I think so, kiddo," he said. "I think so."

Jax tilted his head thoughtfully. "Why?"

"I dunno," Pierce shook his head. "It kinda happened."

"Oh." Jax seemed to ponder this.

"What did you see?" Helenias asked gently.

"He was playing with his toy," Pierce whispered, almost not believing his own words. "Trying to get it clean by washing it in the ocean out back of the beachfront home I have on Chandrila."

It was unbelievable, sheerly impossible, that he could- that his son- "This is what Jedi see?" he burst out. "All the time?"

[Helenias Evenstar]

"I do" I said. "Of the past, future and the now. Other being's minds, their thoughts. You can go mad listening to it all if you dont learn to selectively tune in and out. Some of the things I have sensed in the Senate are mind blowing. The fantasies of a female Bothan about a Wookiee are not something I wish to know". There was a touch of sadness in my voice however - seeing that peaceful image had touched me deep inside.

"Is that place really yours?" I said, changing the subject for a moment, "It was beautiful. You could find peace in a place like that. Jax, that place where you tried to wash Wokky. Did you have a room there?"

[Pierce Tondry]

Jax nodded vigorously, his ponderance over his father's presence in his mind temporarily forgotten. "Jax's room!" he chirped. "All blue, an' with Kimbo, an' Mekli, an' big Roofoo!"

Pierce smiled, his eyes closing briefly...

... it was a small room, painted blue, with several toys scattered about. Nearest were three comically shaped stuffed animals, the last and largest was very furry and oddly green colored...

... his eyes shot open immediately, and Pierce ran a hand down his face. "Oh, hells," he choked out, but the words were barely voiced. His fingers rubbed his chin with obvious tension.

He was clearly seeing images, memories, his son had, and the last time had done so without even trying. Memories of happiness, memories that stood out in his young mind strongly. To imagine that the same thing could happen anywhere, at any time- with anyone, no less- and for it to be as natural as a hurricane, and equally undefendable against as well...

It was enough to drive a man mad.

Pierce pressed his palms into his temples and rubbed. "This is impossible," he whispered, not even being so loud as to interrupt Jax's dialogue with Helenias about how much he liked blue.

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Oh, do you like blue too? I love blue! Do you like the colour of the sky?"

"Yes"

"How about the colour of my eyes, do you like them?"

"Pwetty!"

"Awwww, isn't he a lady charmer Pierce. Pierce...?"

I turned my head a bit to consider my Padawan, who was looking a touch out of sorts. "Pierce, what wrong?"

[Pierce Tondry]

Pierce turned to look at Helenias, and she could see a haunted look in his eyes. "How do you do this?" he whispered.

Helenias gave him a blank look.

"How?" he repeated. "How do you live with this? This is... this is insane! It's not just a holographic picture in my head, it's... it's scents, and sounds, and feelings... oh, hells, the feelings! It's like someone else is part of me! This is nuts!"

Jax tilted his head sideways, then slid off the bed where Helenias was sitting. He walked over to Pierce and held out his arms.

Pierce had the young boy in a hug almost instinctively, picking Jax up and sitting in a nearby chair. "What are you up to, kiddo?" he murmured into the hair around his son's ear.

"Makin' sad go 'way!" Jax's voice was muffled by more than Pierce's chest. His little arms hugged tighter.

A smile broke through Pierce's face and he kissed his son's cheek. He gently rested his own forehead against Jax's, closing his eyes...

... it was a gentle, heartfelt smile, head tilted for a better view, lips barely parted to show teeth but stretched as widely as they could be, and in the image of his own eyes was an adoration Pierce was surprised to see. With it all came a need to see that smile more than anything...

Tears began to rain softly into Jax's mat of blonde hair. "I love you son," he whispered, not opening his eyes.

"Love you, Da," said Jax.

... now there was nothing, no smile, no image, no smell or sound, It was just happiness, and gratitude for that feeling, and for the person who was there to bring that feeling out. And then there was something else, a familiarity, an intimacy; the person who brought that feeling forth knew everything about him, and would not hate him, or judge him, or ever turn him away....

It was love.

Pierce felt himself respond with the same feelings, the same knowledge and depth and clarity of emotion that his son felt. And everything was dark, and there was love, and all was well.

"You up here again, Da?" the little boy voice asked.

"Yeah, kiddo," Pierce said. "I was up there."

There was another pause and Jax pulled himself away, sitting on Pierce's knee and looking up at his father. His little face was serious with pondering, but then it suddenly became an exuberant smile. "Do it again!"

Pierce laughed out loud, notes of joy creeping into his tone. "Not right now, kiddo," he said. "I gotta learn more about this first."

One of his hands ruffled Jax's hair, and Jax giggled. "'kay!" he said.

Pierce looked up at Helenias, who was still lying in bed and watching with an uncertain expression. "Maybe it's not so nuts," he admitted. His eyes fell on his son again, and he instantly reacted with a smile. "Maybe there are good points."

[Helenias Evenstar]

I drew my knees up, putting my chin on them. Thinking I was for a few moments, my mind on other things. I tunrned to face Pierce and Jax again, my cheek now on my right knee.

"Whomever said Jedi aren't allowed to love was a fool"

My fingers tapped out a message, which Pierce replied to. I shyly smiled.

"Does Jax rememebr his mother? What does he think of me?"

[Pierce Tondry]

"Mom!"

Pierce's lip twitched. This was not a good subject, even if he was exceptionally good at sabacc-facing it. "He misses her," Pierce said. "Not surprising."

Jax fidgeted. "Mom!" he said again.

Pierce gently cupped his son's ears with a hand and drew Jax close. He closed his eyes...

... there was a woman whose entire stature was all-too familiar. She was sitting in a room that seemed oddly dulled and gray, and her eyes stared out the window angrily. Briefly, her eyes looked down on him and she smiled, then turned back to staring out the window.

It was Lilaena, he knew. Just seeing that image brought forth a swirl of his own, thoughts and feelings and flutters moving so fast it was impossible to keep up with. But Jax could keep up, and did. He felt his father's anger with the woman who had refused to trust him, and felt his sorrow for lost love, and felt even more keenly how sad Pierce was to have Jax in the middle of it all.

The young child's bright eyes looked to the ground. "I'm sorry, son," he whispered. "But she's not who I thought I married."

Jax lay his head on Pierce's chest, continuing to stare at the floor. With one hand gently stroking his son's hair, Pierce turned to Helenias. He quietly shook his head. "Don't bring her up," he said. "Not again."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"You will have to face that in the future, you understand" I stated. "You have to be at peace with yourself and your past. For now, I will do as you ask. You haven't told me what Jax thinks of myself, however"

[Pierce Tondry]

Pierce looked up from Jax's hair and arched his free hand. It doesn't come up, he'd said. Ask him.

Then, he shifted Jax in his lap so that the boy was looking upward, in Helenias general direction.

[Helenias Evenstar]

How do ask that type of question?

In a round about way.

"Jax, like to sit here with Auntie Helenias again?"

He was probably too young to remember. The months spent in my care, before being returned to his rightful parents. I remembered however - initally badly put out this babysitting was landed on me. Sleepless nights, nappys - a worst nightmare for me. Until, so frustrated with his refusal to go to sleep one night, I sung him one of the songs of my homeworld. To my disbelief, he did go to sleep, where I made a discovery.

Children are beautiful. Their innocence was something compelling. My attitude to Jax had changed, to the point I was even sorrowful he was gone. Singing the child to sleep after feeding was still one of the most wonderful experiences. Seeing him grow and crawl.

I wished I could be taking Jina for a walk again, with Jax in that backpack. It was peaceful.

I knew what my feelings were. He had bought joy and peace into my liife, along with Jina.

[Pierce Tondry]

Jax gave Helenias a sad and reluctant look. For a moment, it seemed he wouldn't leave his father's lap, but then he did just that. Sliding down from Pierce's knee, his short legs carried him over to medical bed. The little boy clambered up the bed and settled in, flashing his dad a brave smile.

[Helenias Evenstar]

I smiled as well, closed my eyes...

The ground was a rich dark colour, the fields green, well watered. The home was not large, nor was it a pinnicle of technology. It was warm, well lit inside, spacious for the family that occupied it. On the front step was a cat that I shooed away. From outside was the sounds of children playing and I could see Marcus reclining back on a woodpile, smoking that same old pipe he always did. He was laughing at some joke that the other man nearby had made. Other Jedi I recognised were there. Just inside the door was Xazor, smiling with a pie dish in hand, taking it out to where the evening meal was being set. There was the blazing red hair of Jina, still a Padawan but developing a reputation just as fierce and tenacious as her adopted father. I sensed Pierce was about with Jax and someone else.....

I blinked, coming out of the fog of the vision. Jax was looking at me oddly, while Pierce himself was closer.

"What happened?" he asked.

"A vision" I replied. "Of peace. Of hope. Maybe you should try to sense what it was"

[Pierce Tondry]

Jax tapped Helenias on the nose. "Far," he said.

Both adults looked at the child, who began smiling at his feet secretly. "What does he mean?" asked Helenias.

Pierce shrugged. "Don't know."

Jax giggled. "Boy, you are a silly one," his father chuckled.

Pierce turned his eyes back to Helenias. "You want me to try and sense what was in your mind? Or the future?"

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Mmm.... how about both. Try my mind first"

[Pierce Tondry]

Pierce closed his eyes and pressed two fingers to his temple. He opened himself to the outside, trying to listen in the direction of Helenias' mind.

- the image was fuzzy, very fuzzy, almost unreal in its spotted intangibility- there was a house and people, and everything was gray- about all that was really there was an underlying desire for peace-

Then everything exploded backwards! There was a whistling, a roaring, and images whirled and flashed! An utter blackness surrounded by pain on all sides engulfed him, and then there were images of himself that were ghostly and stretched, like they were made of light against a backdrop of darkness. A pair of eyes glared pain and betrayal up at him, or whispered serenity and trust from above. Three points of light rose from among a sea of stars and bound themselves together. And then, a silent shadow that linked planets rose up and devoured him.

"Aaaaaaaaaagh!" Pierce shouted. Sweaty fingers clutched at his head and he swayed where he was sitting.

[Helenias Evenstar]

I bowed my head, ears ringing from the shout.

"What is it you saw?"

[Pierce Tondry]

Pierce continued to sway and his breathing quickened. It had all come so fast. Even now, the memory of it was fading out of his mind. He tried to recall something, anything of what he'd seen before it dissipated entirely...

"... teeth."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Teeth. Would you mind expanding on that further?" I asked

[Pierce Tondry]

"You think I can?" Pierce scrubbed his eyes. "I just remember really big teeth. That's all."

[Helenias Evenstar]

"Very well then, describe the teeth. What happened before and what happened after you saw them?"

Somehow I was pretty certain this was not what I was intending when I called Pierce here.

"Any little bit can give a clue why you saw as you did. The Force never shows what is not relavent"

[Pierce Tondry]

"There wasn't anything but the teeth," Pierce insisted. "Everything was black and smoky, but the teeth were just white."

"And it hated me like nothing else."

Pierce shook his head. "I don't understand it at all. And the images... this is all too much for one day. I gotta get some air."

He stood up. "Jax, you look after Auntie Helenias now, okay? Make sure no sad gets her while I'm thinking, okay little one?"

Jax perked up a smile. "Okay!" he said seriously.

Pierce nodded slightly to Helenias and left the room. Clearly, being a Jedi was going to take some mental readjustment.