Opiate: Emotionless

[Xazor Elessar]

Emotionless
Good Charlotte



Hey Dad I'm writing to you
Not to tell you, that I still hate you
Just to ask you how you feel
And how we fell apart how this fell apart

Are you happy out there in this great wide world?
Do you think about your sons?
Do you miss your little girl?
When you lay your head down how do you sleep at night?
Do you even wonder if we're all right?

We're alright
We're alright

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life
It's not OK but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive

The days I spent so cold, so hungry, were full of hate
I was so angry, the scars run deep inside this tattooed body
There's things I'll take to my grave, but I'm OK, I'm OK

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life
It's not OK but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive

And sometimes I forgive, yeah and this time I'll admit
That I miss you, said I miss you

It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried?
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life
It's not OK but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive

And sometimes I forgive, yeah and this time I'll admit
That I miss you, said I miss you -- hey Dad



* * *


Coruscant -- what a miserable place on a rainy day. Sure all activity persisted on the sidewalks and streets, but it was less frequent and the mass of traffic normally seen in the evening was greater. Above the scum, dirt, and noise rose tall buildings which reached skyward with their enormous spires. Peeking forth from the pearly white structures were windows which looked like tiny diamonds against the growing night sky as lights were turned on to fight the inevitable darkness.

Alone and quietly in a room sat a figure against the window, silhouetted by the few candles which burned and were slowly fading as night drew near. She shifted her weight and with that the silver coins woven into the waist length braids in her hair clanged together softly. The Garou Warrior -- Jedi Knight of the Greater Jedi Order -- was more than just those titles, though. She was a mother, a sister, and most importantly -- a daughter.

It was this particular title that was heavy upon her mind at the moment as she sat with a message pad in hand, staring down at the blank screen. Xazor sighed heavily and placed it down once again before reaching into a pouch upon her weapons belt. The Knight withdrew a small glass container which contained a black powder. Opening the lid with ginger fingers, she brought it close to her nose and then huffed the contents before accidentally dropping the now empty vessel upon the ground. It shattered and she cursed under her breath before leaning her head against the window.

"Only a matter of time."

She said to herself, making reference to the drug which she just ingested. It would only take a moment or so before it began to relax every muscle in her body and make her feel slightly lightheaded. A heavy sigh fell from her lips as her right arm fell limp against her side and her eyes rolled back in her head. Laughter filled the room as she became unconscious to the heavy burdens upon her shoulders. Ten minutes into the effects of the drug, she opened her eyes though everything looked blurry. A hand gripped the message pad once again and she looked down at it before typing awkwardly into the machine.

Verse-

Guess it would be too weird to call you Dad now that -- you know, I'm not carrying your last name. Sorry bad blood seems to flow between us now, I never intended for that to happen. I just get so angry sometimes -- honestly, I get pissed beyond belief as to why you aren't here for me. Guess you don't care anymore. Gotta go -- sorry this is so short -- somehow, I can't see the keys on the keyboard because my vision is blurred.

-Xazor

P.S. I don't hate you

She barely hit the send button before the messenger fell from her hands and she fell out of the window seat and onto the floor in a slump. The Knight shook slightly from the cold as well as the effects of the drug on her body -- for it was running fully through her bloodstream now. Her head throbbed, but it was a good pain -- something that made her forget about everything else. Placing a hand over her eyes, the woman leaned back against the wall and soon she fell asleep, unaware of how strange the letter was that she just typed and sent to her biological father. Only time would tell how he reacted to her letters written under the influence of the foreign spice she was huffing. It was her Opiate, though -- and for this time and each letter she would send afterwards, she would remain emotionless.

[Verse Dawnstrider]

::Verse had few things on his hidden retreat on Eden. Only a few Garou knew of this place as well. Only Pivo, Kindred, Santhia, and a couple of his childhood friends knew it was here deep in the jungles of Southern Eden. A network of houses were grown, yes grown, in the trees. Branchs grew and twisted to make bridges between them. When Verse was a soldier in a Garou War Pack. The Confederate Pack, this was the name of this War Pack, grew this area over a period of years. It was there haven. Thir secret spot to get away from it all.

One of the few things he had was his GJO messager system. It aloud member of GJO to send him written messages so he could keep up to date. Only one or two people knew what he was doing and where he was at. Even those people only knew the name of the planet. Not the excate location. Verse was lost. For a while now he no longer knew his place in the world. He had lost so much, and gained very little.

He hardy ever went against the Jedi Code. Even though it was so different from the Garou Code. He went from Killer to Saint. And for what? No where was getting better, only much worse. The Garou was Lost. Then he got the message and read it. This was his reply.::

Dear Xazor,

I know you no longer wish to call me Dad. And i understand. I haven't been around, but I think it is time to be blunt with you. It is not like you tried very hard yourself. I didn't try as hard as I should, but the times I did you shut me out. Your ideals are so different than mine. You also got the raw end of the deal genetics wise. Your mothers temper and my stubborness. After a while..... I lost my will to try. You were grown up already. You were to be wed and are with child. Even at the begining you were closer to Marcus. No matter how hard I tried. I saw that you would never fully see me as even your equal, much less your father. Then my spirit broke. I saw you no longer needed me. The Order didn't need me.......so I left to find myself. The only thing I found was that I was sailing alone on this sea of stars. That is where I am now. Still looking.......

-Verse

P.S. I don't hate you as well.

::Verse hit the enter key and fell into a chair. He looked at the dagger on his wall. It was a symbolic dagger given to soldiers before battle. To take ones own life before he lost a battle. He often wondered if that also meant emotional ones as well. He breathed deep and just looked at the dagger.::

[Xazor Elessar]

It had been a few days since Xazor crashed on her floor after sending a message to her Father. She paced around her room, locked up and secluded, wondering what went wrong. Often she would become nervous and take a hit from a bottle of spice just to feel the edge of the effects it had on her. Suddenly she heard a beeping sound across the room and dashed over to the messenger upon her window seat. The message was rather dreary, but it was from Verse -- a message from her father. She sighed and sat down, staring at the screen where she was to type. A sigh escaped her lips once more and she began typing.

Verse-

I didn't try hard? How can you say that? I waited for you and you abandoned me! My own brother hates me -- my mother is dead! You know what, you're right -- I am closer to Marcus and for good reason -- he actually cares about me. Ya know what, though -- it was because of me that you couldn't stick around. You left to find a new life on the expanse of the galaxy. Women, drinking -- I've heard it all. Glad to know what you care so much for me, Master. I thought at least for that reason you'd stay. Guess I was wrong.

-Xazor

P.S. I'm not just mad at you, I'm mad at myself.

She hit the send button and tossed the messenger away from her before leaning against the window once again. Tears that had been stored deep within her soul finally rained down her soft cheeks. The Garou turned to her stash of small glass containers and grabbed for three -- she would take care of her problems for at least a day or so this way. One after another the Knight opened the vessels and inhaled their contents -- feeling results almost immediatly.

Xazor began to shake more violently than before. Her skin became blue and her palms became clammy. Her eyes rolled back in her head and when she tried to stand up to make her way to the bathroom to vomit -- she blacked out and hit the floor. All of this occuring withing five or ten minutes of the initial ingestion. She had done it now -- she had OD'd on the spice for the first time. As she lay on the floor so cold and lonely, no thoughts entered her mind -- but pain filled her body and the tears still fell from her eyes.

[Verse Dawnstrider]

::Verse sat under a waterfall near the retreat. Water tore all feelings away from his body. The pain grew and opened his mind. He grew used to it after a while. He became one with it. The water was him, and he the water. He got out in time to here his system beeping. He walked through his hut dripping the water. The tree quickly soaked it up. He read and sighed. He pulled out his keyboard and started to type again. And boiled inside at what his daughter wrote. His fingers ran across the keyboard fats and hard::

[I] Xazor,

How do you know how I feel?!?! Can you even image what is going through my head. Your brother, my son, hate sme as much as you! If not more. You mother is dead, but bear in mind she was my wife. My love. My second love Daetana is dead. Most of my brothers are dead. My friends are dead. In many ways, you are dead as well. How do you know where I went? Why I left? What I did? Can you guess where I am at now? Odds are you are thinking a whore house drunk and sexed up. You assume to much. You pushed and forced me away just as much as I left. I should have stayed. Should have tried harder, but you did not try and keep me. You found someone else to take my place. You were already lost before I left. YOu forced everyone that tried to get close to me away. I di dnot have many women. Santhia tried to talk to me. Nothing big, just as an old friend, but you would not even allow that. I was Forced to live alone. To be by myself while you jumped from man to man. You clearly are more like me that you wish to see. You have had just as many men in your life as I have had women.

-Verse

P.S. I don't know what to feel. I just feel........alone.

[Xazor Elessar]

There she sat, alone again. Sometimes it was funny how much she really was like her Father -- but both refused to see it. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she read the letter. Her heart ached as she silently reached out for him. With the back of her hand, the Knight wiped the tears from her eyes and focused on typing a new letter to Verse.

Verse-

You're right -- I don't know what you're feeling, but how can you say you know what's going through my head either? You haven't been around long enough to know what's going on with me and other men! For your information, there have only been three men in my life -- almost four but he died! The only reason I pushed people away was because you dedicated most of your time to them and left me out in the cold! Can't you see it, Verse? I am giving back to you what you've given me all along. Honestly, though -- I -- I miss you. I just wish you didn't hate me. I told you, I don't hate you -- but right now, I just don't know how to feel. You've been absent from my life and you are right now. Bet you don't care that I cry myself to sleep and OD on spice, wishing I'd die. Thanks a lot -- makes me wonder how much I really am like you.

-Xazor

P.S. I'm only being honest -- despite what you may think.

Again, she hit the send button and rested her head against the wall, tears streaming down her cheeks still, yet, and again. It was killing her inside and out -- slowly the stress was eating away at the young woman. How she desired to fall into his arms and stay there, while at the same time she wished to slap him and scream in his face. It was such a confusing time -- but she had to get these feelings out before she exploded under pressure.

[Verse Dawnstrider]

::A sword cut through the air above Verse's head. He jumped back as well to keep the dagger from slicing his gut. A Laugh could be heard as the battle rolled on. The other was taunting The Jedi Master into attacking. Verse did, though much more aggressive that the other had thought. Blades worked in unision as the two matched blow for blow. Sweat rolled down both fighters chests as they attacked and fell back. At once Verse pushed foward and slammed his sowrd at the other neck. It stopped only a hair away.::

"I got you."

::The other smiled. He was dressed the same as Verse.::

"Look again old friend." The other said with grin.

::Verse looked down to see a dagger stopped at his gut. The angle would have killed him just as his attack would have killed his sparring partner.::

"So it would Osiris. I am getting slow."

"Age does that Verse. I must get home though. It is late."

"I understand. Tell you mate I said hi."

"I will Verse."

::Verse and the man bowed and went in opposite directions. Osiris was one of Verse's oldest friends. They faught together many times and saved each others necks more than once. The otehr had moved his small family near here. He came to see Verse often. Only to find his once carefree friend falling deeper and deeper into a dark depression. One that sent a chill up his spine. It was the depression of a man dieing from the inside out. The one were a darkness is covering a man's soul. Verse fell into hi schair and stared at the cieling. He hardly slept anymore. To be honest he couldn't remeber if he every slept at all. Then he heard the beep and cut on his screen. he read an typed.::



Xazor,

Who did I dedicate my life to? I had no other padawans. I had no love interest, I hardly spoke to the other Jedi. I was on the border line of being a hermit! I am not the whore you see me as. I will not lie, in my younger days I had many one night stands. I bedded more women than you can think about. I took all I could from life. Then Life got tired and took it back. How ironic that is if you think about it. I don't hate you. I never did. I love you more than you allow yourself to see. How can I not care that you take spice?????? My God. My Little Angel, please I beg you to stop with that stuff. If not for me....then your child. I have many times thought of taking my life. I no longer sleep. I just exsist. I miss your smile. I miss your love. I just plain miss you. I miss my little girl. I just wish you would not see me as a cold-heart monster, but as a man. One that is like any other person. One that makes mistake and has a life outside of just one person. One that can try hard if given a reason and the will to do so.

- Verse

P.S. I know you are only being honest. One can not fix things unless they are honest. That is why I am being honest as well.

[Xazor Elessar]

A week and a half had passed since the first letter Xazor wrote, and now she sat upon her bed, wrapped up in warm white blankets. Her eyes were glassy and red, her skin a hue of blue. She was completely stoned and staring at the screen of her messenger. The words tore at her heart, and despite her condition, she knew that her father was right. So with nimble fingers, the young woman began typing -- though it be painful.

Verse,

I can't stop taking the spice -- it's too late, I'm addicted. You know what? I have been on and off of drugs since I came to the Order -- I bet you didn't know that. Throughout training, that's the only thing that kept me going. Once the Order moved to Coruscant, it seemed as though the drugs were there, calling my name. They were easier to buy and no one cared anymore. Marcus knows, but he can't even stop me from taking them. My child, oh yeah -- forgot I was pregnant. Hope I don't leave her in the dust too. Maybe you'll actually give a care and visit your little grandchild once she's born. I know that you're right -- okay? You can live your life however the hell you want, I just thought that I was a part of it. Maybe my vision is blurred in my head too -- maybe I'm just stupid. By the way, where in the nines of hell are you? I thought you would have come to see me by now after writing like this for nearly two weeks. Who knows, maybe I'll end up having to track you down -- again. Gotta go -- the little glass cylinders await me.

-Xazor

P.S. If you don't take your life, I won't.

Perhaps it was a glimmer of hope as she pressed the send button and set the messenger down once again before laying down to stare at the ceiling. Thoughts flooded her mind, though they were jumbled and confusing due to the drugs she was taking every day. Her eyes slowly moved across the room in an attempt to focus on her dwindling stash.

"Frell!"

She cursed and clenched her teeth together in realization that she was had two containers left and she would be out. Her eyes shut tightly as she attempted to sleep once again -- something she too had not been able to do in sometime -- ever since the depression set in.

[Verse Dawnstrider]

"You have to make the first move Versarias."

"You know I hate that nickname Osiris."

"It suits you well. 'The sleeping God in his hidden Garden' The meaning of the name is very close. All we had to do was add a little to it."

"We were kids. You all called me that because I was always the first to fall asleep after battle."

"It works now too. You can't deny that...."

::A Beep came from the other room. Verse got up and walked to the machine. Osiris waited outside. He knew it was hard for his old friend. Osiris' words ran threw the Garou's mind. 'You have ot make the first move....' Maybe he was right.::




Xazor,

There is an old Garou story my War Trainer told me as a pup. There was a man starving in the desert. He had not eaten in days. A Boy walked by and found him. He man was dieing so he got out some bread. The boy pressed the bread to the old man's lips, but the old man would not eat. Then the boy pulled out some fruit, but the man still would not eat. The boy asked why he would not take the food. The man replied that he did not like what was offered. frustrated the boy left. A few minutes later the man died from starvation. The boy felt gulty, but in truth he had done all he could do. Therefor he wasn't to blame for not helping.

That story coem to mind now though. Sometimes one needs a break as well. You said it has gotten worse sence the Temple moved. Come to me and see if I can help. There is no Spice here. Come visit your roots so that you may grow strong again. here is teh cords for where I am at. There will be a cave at this spot. Park your ship there. Mine and Pivo's will be there. Walk 5 miles East from there. Follow your nose. You will know when you have gotten to where I am at.

-Verse

P.S. Like the boy, all I can do if offer

::Verse hit the enter key and walked back to Osiris to let him know that for the first time in over 20 years, he had taken the younge Garou's advise.::

[Xazor Elessar]

It had been but a day since sending her last letter and now, the Jedi Knight Xazor lay alone on her bed, staring at the ceiling with glassy eyes. "When the FRELL can I get some more?" Her mind cried and suddenly she heard a beeping sound. Sitting straight up, she realized that it was her messenger and promptly she grabbed it. Surprisingly enough, the message was from her father once again -- and so she opened it and read. The letter was touching and it made sense to her -- it was even more touching that he would give her the coordinates of his location and invite her to rediscover herself. Placing a hand on the messenger, she decided to write back to him right away.

Verse-

Thanks for the story -- you've told it to me before, though -- when I was little. You used to talk to me all the time, then something happened and now you're nearly silent to me. It's like talking to a wall! I know that I have to do this, though -- so I'll come to Eden -- I need to find Gaia once again and find my roots as you said.

-Xazor

P.S. I'll be there soon.

She sent the letter and brought out a pre-packed suitcase, something she had filled with clothes and belongings eariler in the week, planning to leave to go somewhere. The black robes upon her body were fresh and clean that day, so she decided it would suffice. Then something clicked in her mind -- in the pocket of her cloak hanging within her closet were two small glass containers with the drug she so craved. Rushing over on wobbly legs, the Knight flung open the closet and ravaged through the pockets of the cloak before finally finding the two containers. The drug within them was a bit more potent than the common spice she was using as of late -- this was crystalized and could knock a bantha on its rearend. Quickly and quietly she packed them away within her robes, tucking them inside of a pouch on her weapons belt. With that, the woman gathered her things and left the Jedi Base to set out on her self-discovering journey.


One Day Later

It was quiet and calm in the area surrounding the cave -- Xazor's eyes remained glassy and she appeared worn out and tired from the lack of drugs in her system. It remained in the back of her mind that she could possibly be hurting her child, but she was dedicating all of her natural healing abilities to keep the unborn safe. The Garou looked about for a moment and then caught scent of her father, then turned to the East where the sun was slowly rising -- and began walking. The five miles came at a slow pace for she was heavy with child, still -- but somehow, walking through the thick forests and tall grasses of her homeland brought the woman back to her senses a bit.

"Gaia -- be with me on this journey, not only in the places I walk, but also on the soulsearching end of things."

She prayed quietly as she walked and in the matter of an hour, the young Garou finally arrived to her destination -- a thick plot of trees with intricate homes above the ground. Lofting an eyebrow, she looked about yet saw no sign of Verse.

"Alaya?"

The woman called in her native tongue, not realizing for a moment that she was. A simple 'hello?' would have served fine, but she knew her father would answer her call no matter what she said. Setting the heavy suitcase in her hand down upon the ground, Xazor inhaled and exhaled deeply, enjoying the fresh air that Eden offered her. Her spirits lifted slightly for even the trees knew she was home -- they spoke to her and whispered messages to the animals and the grasses. All realized that one of their own was finally home -- someone who fit perfectly into the puzzle of Eden. She knew not how long she would be there, but it would be a time of cleansing and rediscovery.

[Verse Dawnstrider]

::Verse sat on a tree limb near his daughter. in fact he was directly over her head.::

"I felt you coming even before you left your home Xazor. Eden was waiting for you."

::Verse fell backwards off the limb. He twisted his body and landed softly infront of his daughter.::

"I am glad you came child."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor stepped back when her father fell before her. She was surprised and taken by how his physique had changed and how much younger he even looked since she had seen him last.

"I'm glad I came too."

She whispered softly. Her eyes remained glassy all the while and her skin pale. The lack of drugs in her system put her into withdrawl and she was just beginning to realize it. Just as she stepped forward to hug him, the young woman's eyes rolled back in her head and she blacked out -- collapsing to the ground with a 'thud'.

[Verse Dawnstrider]

::Verse acted fast. He scopped his daughter up in his arms. He had seen things like this before. Many younger GArou loved to chew on plant on Eden coudl Dungor Root. Mostly because it increased ones.....well.sex drive. There was nasty side effects thought. It was addictive and ate away parts of your body. That happened when you stopped taking it. With drawl.::

"It will be ok Angel......."

::Verse held her in his arms and climbed a staircase to his tree house. He placed here on his spare bed and let the Force run through him. He held a hand over his child and let it's healing waves roll over her,::

[Xazor Elessar]

The power flowing through Verse and into Xazor's body kickstarted her own natural abilities to heal and soon a surging warm sensation swept across the Garou Knight. It was nearly five minutes before her eyes opened, but they did so slowly and the first thing she saw was her father's face. Embarassment struck her, but then she remembered that he already knew about her drug addiction and she was here to heal.

"So -- sorry."

She whispered to him and closed her eyes once again as she attempted to sit up. Her body was weak but it was recovering at a rapid speed, something that seemed even more powerful while in the thick of her homeplanet. Eden had a way of making her feel whole, no matter how distant she felt from everything else.

"Thank you."

The woman said with a smile and finally sat upright to look Verse in the eyes. They seemed sad and hurt, and she could only guess why. Looking down at her hands, the Knight sighed to herself and remained quiet -- unsure of whether she had to walk on eggshells or not.

[Verse Dawnstrider]

"I should be saying the thanks yous and sorrys. You came when I asked and passed out because you pushed yourself getting here."

::He knew she was hurting. as a father he only wanted to ease her pain, even if it meant placing the blame on his shoulders. He was trying. He reached over a a raised root beside the bed. It acted as a bed-side table. He picked up a glass with a green liquid in it.::

"Drink this. It will make you feel better. Then you can tell me about.....your problem. Why you take it, how often, and how much. Then I can tell you about my problems if you wish."

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor sat up and gingerly took the glass of green liquid in her hands. With a look of discontent, she brought it to her lips and downed the tonic. With a sour look throughout the entire time, she tilted her head back and finished it to the last drop before setting the glass back down.

"That's gross!"

She exclaimed, feeling better already. Her eyes widened slightly and she sat back in surprise at the feeling it gave her stomach. Calming once again, she looked down at the floor as thoughts of her 'problem' chased through her mind.

"I -- I take it everyday. I snort about twenty milligrams of it if I can. I take it because -- I've been really depressed and it gets rid of my problems, at least -- for a little while. I feel back into it because one of my Padawans has a drug addiction. I was doing some research on some new drugs in lower Coruscant -- and with the samples I gathered, well -- I was shooting up in the lab and snorting every chance I got."

The words were shame-filled and the Knight could not look at her Father as she spoke. Slowly, though, she glanced up at him and then recalled the two glass containers in her robe. "I need those!" She pleaded with herself, but the Force nudged her to do away with them -- and so, she slowly moved her hand into the pouch on her weapons belt and she drew forth the two small vessles. Black crystals nearly filled each to the top and as she saw this, she grasped them tighter and thrust them toward Verse.

"Please, take them from me or I'll be tempted!"

She spoke with great urgency and hoped that he would do away with the drug, though she desperatly sought a hit of the Spice. Her eyes shut tightly and her lower lip quivered as she thought of what she was throwing away.

[Verse Dawnstrider]

::Verse took the containers. He looked at them and opened one of them up. He sniffed at the air near the opening.::

"That is stronge stuff. I haven't seen spice this pure before. I am willing to bet that if you were not Garou it would have killed you.."

::He them poured the stuff out of the window letting the black stuff float away in the air.::

"I am willing to bet that is what has held you back. I always felt you could be much stronger, but something was holding you back. I am willing to bet this is what was holding you in check. That will be corrected though."

::Verse looked out the window.::

"Do you know what this place is child? Why I came to this place?" Or why no one knew that this grove was on Eden?"

[Xazor Elessar]

Xazor sighed to herself as Verse spoke. She smiled slightly, unsure as to whether it was a compliment he spoke -- or a shun. Her eyes drifted out the window as she imagined the substance he threw away to the wind. It pained her heart, but she knew it was for the better -- and somehow she would get better. His question drew her attention back, though, and her eyes fell upon his face.

"No -- I know nothing of this place nor why you would come here."

She paused a moment and eyed him curiously, recalling what Verse had said about his own troubles. Xazor looked down at her hands for a moment as they shook ever so slightly. She was nervous a bit, but decided to push the worry aside and speak openly with him.

"You -- you said that you would share your problems with me. You've had to deal with difficult things too? If you don't mind -- could you please tell me? Is that why you came here?"

Xazor questioned, sitting up more and moving closer to Verse. Soon she moved to rest her head in his lap, comfortably positioning her hands under her chin so that she was laying partially on her stomach and she close to him once again.

"Please tell me -- daddy."

[Verse Dawnstrider]

::Verse sighed deeply.::

"The Garou have a saying. 'When you are no longer needed, and no longer have a place in the world, It is Gaia's way of saying to go home.' Home as in the afterlife. I have done alot in my short life. I am only 63 years old. Bearly past 20 by human standards. I was teh head of the Confederate Pack. The highest ranking military unit on Gaia. Between battles my troops came here. It was our holy ground. Our secret no other Garou outside of ous mates knew where this place was. Even our children. You were born in this room.......on this bed. Everyone knew you would coem here on day. Each years up to three children are brought here to train. They will remain here till there 20th birthday. When they get done, they will be part of the Confederate Pack. It is the highest honor a Garou can get most of the tim ein the military. You were suppost to come here...you were take one week before I was to tell you.::

::Verse paused to let her take it in.::

"I have no real purpose to be around anymore. You have a father figure now, Alexander eally doesn't like me, I have lost two wives, All I am good at is trained children. Few care if I am gone. I can be replaced with ease. That is why I came here.....I am waiting to die. I no longer am needed. No one even cares."

::He had slumped that deep in his depression. Deep inside he knew it was not true, but he could no longer see it. He saw himself as a failure.::

"I failed in raising my kids, I failed at keeping my mates alive, I am a sorry Jedi, and I can bearly train people. I have no purpose."