Break the Walls Down (Azhure Darkstone)

[Navaria Tarkin]

There would be no distractions today. That was why Navaria ordered this room to be cleared out of everything. All the desks and chairs had been removed and this room contained no windows to the outside world. It was unpleasant but necessary that she had to go such lengths for her Padawan.

Her last (http://sw-fans.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=26238) training session with Azhure was less then exemplarily. The Padawan was skillful in combat and swordplay but her lack of control was detrimental. At least twice during the combat she'd thought of harming Navaria more so then was necessary during a spar. The thought to even kill was there. To Azhure's credit, she fought back those feelings but the fact remained that they were there.

Needless to say, Navaria was quite concerned for her student and knew that Azhure was displeased with herself. It was time to finally overcome these barriers that she created in her mind ... and to destroy what was left of her Assassin training as well. These thoughts weighed heavily on the Jedi Knight's mind as Navaria waited quietly, standing, in the center of the room done in her traditional Jedi Robes.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure moved with her disturbing grace that made no sound, the signature of her past. Training. 1.30 sharp. She put her door handle on 1:29 and entered the room at 1:30.
The room had nothing in it, not even any windows. It was a room she identified with, for much of her mast training had been in rooms such as this, accept of steel. For it was easier to wipe blood off steel - a logical solution to cleaning problems.

She knew instantly as well that this was not Navaria style, the style that always urked her. This was hard measure style and she almost smiled at the thought. So Navaria was taking it to the tough mile - doing just what every other teacher had been forced to do with Azhure. First to break her spirit, and not just once but continually. To destroy her heart. To make her an istrument and destroy her sense of self. That had been an important step. Self held no value.
And now Navaria was using the exact same measures to try and rivive self, heart and full spirit back to what it once once. For some reason it was ironically funny, and a neccessary step. How one group could detroy things so carelessly then one had to fight so hard to bring it back. It seemed unfair and she almost simpithized with her master. Master? What made her think that. A small part of her shook her head and asked where Sage had been - no Navaria was her master. Very well. That was agreed upon.

Moving towards her master she took out her sword and bowed her head before Navaria.::

I am ready to learn Master Navaria Tarkin.

::She sat in a way that she could jump up in one second easily, and did something very uncharacteristic, as if trying to find words for this irony.::

A five star room I must say. Feels just like home.

[Navaria Tarkin]

A flash of confusion crossed the Jedi Knight eyes as Azhure took out her weapon. Her Padawan's attitude and slanted voice made no sense to Navaria.

"Azhure."

She began, using no formalities right now.

"What exactly do you think I am going to with you here?"

Her brow was raised in curiosity for some emotions were finally being picked up from her pupil. If she was sensing this correctly, Azhure thought Navaria was here to punish her? Perhaps she was wrong in this but that was the underlying feeling she was receiving.

How far from the truth that was.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure almost smiled but said nothing for a while, a coldness coming towards her as if she already felt the trainin gher master would give, the breaking of those walls she had put up to protect herself, her sanity. Was it her sanity or her pride? Or her fear? Nether the less, Navaria had asked the question and ir was her duty to answer.::

You are going to play with my mind until you have found a way to break into the walls, then you are going to try and heal what cannot be healed easily. You are aiming to do the damage that years have forged with precise skill and patience.

::If she stayed like this any longer that suppressed part of her would grow weaker and yet stronger in it’s resistance and she would go mad.
She do not think she was strong enough for this, but it would either break her completely or forge her further. Either way she could not stay like this, she knew it as much as Navaria. Perhaps she was fearful of what it may do, no, fear was not of her. She was…apprehensive. But it had to be done, if none of it went well then she would have to do what any honourable assassin did when they fell to the heart. Give the heart their steel. If she could not be jedi then she refused to be a darksider.::

[Navaria Tarkin]

Her student was defiant, but the Knight did sense that somewhere deep inside Azhure's mind, she knew that this had to be done. Still, Navaria felt confused about what Azhure thought of her intentions. She was correct in that her Master needed to break the walls that Azhure erected upon herself for safety and to protect herself from fear. Then of course, there is the long and difficult task to set the Padawan on the correct path. Not an easy task to be certain, but Navaria had infinate patience when it came to her students.

"Yes. That is what is going to happen. How do you think I intend to get those results? Please, be honest."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure looked at her master, her face showing no expession as she considered the question. She only knew what she had experienced and had been preparing herself for pain. IN reality she knew Navaria wasnt that kind of person but long years of distrust made her immedietly think of the blood stained whips and blades and the cold hard hands, the heavy body. She shut her eyes at the memories, feeling the walls weaken. She now accepted what happened but the pain didnt go away, and emotions were something she didnt know how to deal with very well. To be honest she had no idea how Navaria would achieve this. She presented a strong hard woman but inside was a broken spirit that fought a defiant battle and a scared child that didnt know how to trust. Opening her eyes she looked directly at Navaria.::

I have no idea what your mission will provide, and how you will strategically go towards the problem area. I know I have to trust that you are doing what is best.

[Navaria Tarkin]

"Have to trust ... yes."

She crossed her arms.

"But do you trust me?"

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure couldnt help but smile softly at this one.::

I do not trust anyone, but in answer to your question I trust you more than most and that trust must build, and may build with time. How can I trust anybody when I cannot even trust myself? Is this not the purpose of this session?

::Her voice was of reason, did not carry insult - only the belief one has when they think they speak the truth. Yes, she did trust navaria more than most - more than herself. She trusted Navaria to handle Azhure and this was what was important at that moment. Of more trust commitment she could not commit, though she wished she could it was not in her to do so - yet. Perhaps someday. She knew Navaria would not like this answer but Azhure never was gentle to anyone who had lost something just to be kind. Nor was she the kind to say what one wanted to hear even when she respected the person - for that carried more disrespect than respect. She didnt know how to be gentle properly and had mostly failed in the past when she had tried - and sometimes the stark truth needed to be said.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Azhure was wrong in her assessment of what Navaria would think of her answer. She could tell by the small smile that came directly after the Padawan had finished speaking.

"To trust completely is foolish and I know I have yet to earn your trust. I hope that what trust lies between us will strengthen and that you will understand that I do this ... that I ... help you in this manner because I care."

She motioned for Azhure to sit and knelt down on the floor.

"Please. Sit."

It was a position taught to her by a Sith, strangely enough, but it centered her mind and body. So, she adapted it to her everyday routine in meditation.

"When I helped your previous, I was more of a spectator in your mind. Only witnessing your past and your feelings. I never experienced them for myself because our link was superficial. I want to make that link deeper between us."

Her eyes narrowed.

"I need your agreement to this before I continue. It is up to you and I will understand if you are not ready for this yet. I want to help you but everything has a time and place."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure frowned slightly in thought, the fact that the frown showed meaningful. She did not understand what that meant exactly. Did that mean linking the soul, the mind? She was not entirely comfortable with somebody having access to her every feeling - it made her feel naked because she had never had to - had never required to give access to that area to anyone. Not even herself.
She knew she wouldnt really give anybody access to it anyway unless she was pushed, change was not something Azhure liked unless it was involved in missions and fighting.

Touching delacately the area where wild mental threads were in dissarray and the wall was very very tender - almost ready to push with very little strength yet with a deep hold on the little strength it held, Azhure looked at Navaria, would she trust this person?
She knew the woman wanted to help her, heck she could have killed her and destroyed her physically and mentally by now. There was so much to lose, yet nothing to gain by staying put.
She would allow this to one person and one person only. No-one else. She formed her consent in a cryptic manner, one that held more than a mere yes.::

Everything has it's time and place, yet some things cannot wait or they will willingly never change.

[Navaria Tarkin]

An odd look came about Navaria's face for the words that Azhure spoke surprised her ... pleasantly surprised her.

"I think you do not give yourself enough credit, Azhure. Your words ... they were fitting of a Jedi. And ... I thank you for what little trust that you have has been given to me."

Navaria didn't want to push it too far. This was already difficult for her Padawan, it was written all over her face, let alone the conflict that Navaria felt in her mind ... and it was time to get this started. Her eyes shifted, a change that Azhure was familiar with. It meant that it was time for business.

"Now. Please, bring yourself into a meditative state, leaving yourself open for me."

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure closed her eyes, and with her mind gave each muscle an indication to relax. Her body sat relaxed, all tightness gone yet posture still firm while her mind had yet to undertake the same position. Azhure saw the door to her inner mind, not a physical thing to touch but a way to imagine the opening and her spirit walked towards it. The door was rough and she put her hand onto the dark brown flecks to push it, pushing hard. The second time it opened slowly and she half forced her mind to relax before it would open successfully. Whatever navaria was about to do better be done fairly quickly as she had a hard time closing it - as if her mind knew the gist of what would happen and was rebelling against the trust. As Azhure kept the door open she awaited the deep song of Navaria to join her own weak tune.::

[Navaria Tarkin]

Her mind molded around Azhure's mind like a gentle caressing spring breeze. A sensation that made one feel safe and secure while roaming around outside in the unknown. The tune of Azhure's thoughts were a bright beacon for seconds only, but began to rebel against the idea of another person 'invading' her mind. It was not painful to understand that was how Azhure truly felt. The girl has been distrustful of others for a very long time. It was merely her way of surviving ...

... and as the door shut tightly against the her presence, Azhure felt a jolt in the back of her mind. It was like someone snapped a rubber band against her skin, leaving a tingling sensation that wouldn't go away. She quickly began to realize that not only was Navaria feeling everything that she was feeling.... but the link worked both ways. Azhure could feel everything her Master was feeling too.

Trust is built upon a mutual understanding. I would not ask you to do this unless I was equal in the giving. My thoughts and emotions are yours to understand as well.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure's sense of comfort, of protection started to panic, as if invisable claws were trying to find a way out from the new presence in her mind. Her breath was hard as all her senses went to that one battle before she forced herself to calm down, feeling physically sick at the strength it took to stop the claws. She did not like this at all, and had suspected she wouldnt. The one thing to do right now was to make it work. She felt her masters emotions tingling through, an understanding feeling coming from it, a caring feeling. She could bear others caring but not actually feeling it personally. It confused her and made her feel angry for no reason, she could feel the tears staring to well in her eyes before she could stop it, remembering the first time a person had been nice to her. She had praxtically rin from the being, having the inability to cope with the experience. She felt like running now, the only thing that stopped her trying was the fact that this woman was her teacher. Her breath was still a little hard but she was in some sort of control, all she had to do was try and ignore the caring feeling until it became bearable.
This sort of contact made her mind speech silly, for her voice was used in front of very few people. Instead she would have to give some sort of trust back that did not speak of rejection witheld. She used her voice, soft and musical, one that did not belong to an assasin. It came out shaky and she hated herself for it. This would be a delicate process.::

What next?

[Navaria Tarkin]

The process was long and aurdious, mostly because of Azhure's anger of the situation. She did not like being in this situation, it caused painful memories that were cursed mentally, for they made the Padawan feel weak. But, Azhure was willing to continue forward. If only she knew that with each small step of trust that she was taking with Navaria, she was that much closer to healing.

What is next?

Her words were strong and powerful inside Azhure's mind, unlike the previous times that Navaria had connected with her.

Tell me about the person that showed you kindness.

That emotion was so potent. Perhaps its significance to Azhure would help to open her mind further... Or the memory could close her up. Either way, Navaria had to try and keep trying till her Padawan was helped. She would not give up without a fight.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::The image of blond whispy hair pulled back into a threefold bun, of dark brown eyes and a rare smile came to her face. Soft voice that remindned her of oversweet honey though it was not the womans fault. It was not the womans fault that she also possessed a greater heart than was suitable for CrimsonSun.
She could remember the womans soft hand son her shoulder after a session of torture due to a show of weakness, that soft laughter as she did what little she could. The woman screaming as they took her to her death on the charge of corrupting the fledging assasin's minds. Somehow that had always seemed ironic to Azhure. Just as the reasons till seemed freshly ironic so did the pain of the memory. The wall that blocked the confusion and pain was building itself up again as the faint ghost of the memory walked towards Azhure in her minds eye, and she could smell the perfume the woman used to wear. The woman gone by many names. Cary she had known her by.

The wall was building up, the ghostly figure coming closer, soon close enough for Navaria to see. No, she must fight this. Too soon. Cary laughed softly, dancing on invisable ground.
Azhure could not sense Navaria for a moment and as much as her mind had panicked when navaria had made contact so it panicked when she was left alone to face the ghost. Guilt mingled in with it, and now Cary's eyes were dissapointed. She felt like running but could not move. The wall was near completion, the closing up nearly done. Panicked seized her, she was being weak.

Turning back to the wall she tried to pull one brick down, as much as it was the usual comfort. it was leaving her alone with the memory.

They had suspected Cary and asked the children about her. She had not meant to rat on the lady, she had not wanted to. She wanted to say sorry but it could not come out. The wall stopped midway but was too built up for her to manage. She wanted to ask for help in this but she could not and would not voice it. Looking directly at Cary she felt the fear as a child, those soft whispers. Blood on her hands.
Closing her eyes she did something she had not done in a long time.
She screamed inside her mind and the wall came down, and the link forged broke. Only one strand of the link remaining, the remaining string was the need to have someone to carry her for she felt too weak, a string she would not acknowledge. She looked towards the door, suddenly wanting to leave, knowing she could not on her own principals. She made herself breath deep and there was anger in her eyes as she looked at Navaria, anger at making her feel weak even though in her logic the anger seemed futile and wasteful. Her tone said she did not wish to discuss it. it had to be done. it was painful.::

Her name was Cary and she had a voice of honey.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Her own wails of pain echoed as the link was severed brutally. It was expected that there would be setbacks but Navaria wasn't expecting one quite so soon. She aligned herself with the Force and felt a small hum. The link had not been completely severed as she thought. There was a small thin red line that connected Master to Padawan and it troubled the Knight greatly.

As she looked around, the area had grown cold and grey. The power that was given to her emanating off her being in a yellow glow to provide some light in Azhure's mind, and quickly she latched onto the red line.

It was only a perception of speed and wind blowing across her face as the distance in the astral plane in Azhure's mind closed ... and lead her back to the beginning where she was waiting by the door, glaring at it with hatred that was equally matched when her eyes shot towards Navaria.

The aura around Azhure was slowly growing black to match the surroundings of her mind, but there was something in her mind that reminded her that such feelings were wasteful and provided nothing!

"Azhure... It is of your past. It cannot harm you..."

She walked cautiously forward and pointed towards Cary with sad eyes.

"She is merely a specter of your memories. The only power that she has over you is what you give her. You are stronger then that."

Redirection of focus and a different perspective could perhaps swing Azhure around to being more ... responsive towards the Knight again. She had to do something or the Padawan could grow deeper into the void ...

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure heard the words, felt a reassuring tug at the single thread, a disturbing emotion that somewhat felt like warmth that came with being looked after. She chose to ignore the emotion and look back at Cary, and could almost hear the soft singing of Cary's voice in the deep silence. It couldnt hurt her. It couldnt hurt her. She was being weak, somehow wondering when it would ever feel ok for her to feel this way, if that ever happened. Forcing herself to continue looking she took one akeward step towards the woman and, after a deep breath and a long time of stillness, moved her hand to touch the woman. Her hand went past thin air and the image dissapeared, leaving her hand in mid-air.::

It can't hurt me...

::She looked at her hand again slowly. It had been so real, her mind seemed to be able to make things seem so realistic that it fooled all of her senses. It was as if her imagination was growing and becoming more capable to visualise things. Azhure did not like it, but at the same time it fascinated her profusely.
The thread tugged at her mind and she turned to look at Navaria again, allowing the door that had shut on her masters face to open slightly. Allowing the trust to break through as she listened to Navaria's song, she reminded her pride she could not do this alone. Oh how she disliked accepting that fact.::

My apologies Master Tarkin.

::However, even though the door was open, the now three thread link dissapated into two then into one and back again, unable to stay stable.::

[Navaria Tarkin]

This would not do. Not at all. Their link was unstable because Azhure was still unwilling to let go of her pride. Only the thin trust that was shared between was keeping the connection barely alive ... and it wasn't enough.

You are going to have to let me in ... completely. Ignore your pride. Forego the hatred you feel because of what is happening. I know that you trust me, but only so much still. It has been enough to face one of your demons but you know, as well as I do, that there is so much more that we need to work through

To walk through and join with Azhure on the other side of the door would be rather dangerous at this precise moment. The chance of breaking the link was too high and could cause severe pain for the two of them. She needed her Padawan's complete trust again to further this intervention.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::She looked at her master in a way that did not betray her feeling. Inside she had taken Navaria's message seriously but she was in dispair about how, this was far harder to do than when she to learn to balance on two bars for three hours with candles and knives below her. This involved feelings and inner processes and she had no idea about what to do in this situation.

She turned away from her master for what seemed quite some time to think about it, to sort out logically how to approach this. The problem was that this was not a logical problem. Her pride was what had kept her sane, what had kept her safe and had been put into her character deliberately. It was what kept her standards up and she had relied on it so long she had no idea how to put that defense down.

Turning back to her master, still not sure how to deal with this she looked at the woman waiting on the other end. If she could not sort this out then only one other person here could help. She swallowed and slowly spoke the one word that took much time to form in her mouth::

How?

[Navaria Tarkin]

The answer was simple but oh so very difficult for Azhure to accept. And accept it she must.

You have to want to. The reason we are back here at basically the beginning is because you do not want to let me in. So simple and unfortunate at the same time.

Then Navaria's face grew grim.

I could always force it ... but that is not the Jedi way and it would be unfair to you to do something so intrusive as that.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::How could she trust somebody into a place she had not let anybody in since she was four. The place could be very dusty and the walls of dark dirt kept anything clean from passing through. In fact there were many cracks and wounds which culd have been used to pass between and had been opened by the influence of the jedi, but that would have been forcing herself in.

It always came back to the trust, it sounded very simple. But she had found that even the simplest plans were very very complicated. There was no winning with this one.

However she did have one idea. One thing was that in order of trust things must go both ways. Her mind voice was soft, almost uncertain as she suggested an idea that made her crawl. This meant she would HAVE to share. It had to be done.::

If I am to trust you then perhaps an exchange is in order. If you tell me something private I will be expected to answer back in mine, and perhaps with each suggestion you may be let in a little more, be able to take another step.

::Then she shook her head almost angrily, if the expressionless face held the anger visually, and turned around.::

No, it won't work. It was a silly idea.

[Navaria Tarkin]

It is not.

She retorted.

"A fine idea and it makes sense. How are you able to trust me when you do not know more about me then Master to Padawan?"

Her voice lowered.

I will be willing to do this if you are.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Her masters answer made her even more unnerved, yet logic was what she listened to more than heart, though that had become almost uncertain in tiself as the heart began taking a more prominant role, slowly. She turned and looked at Navaria for a while, weighing up the reasons for and against. If she humiliated herself and failed in her ambitions then there was always the honourable assasin way out.
She did not completely trust and was not completely willing but the step should be taken little by little. Unwilling to admit, she was afraid that the woman in front of her would laugh or look horrified. She had seen too much blood in her life for gentle memories and she knew little of how much Navaria had been through. There were people who had been through much and there were some of whom had a gentler life. She could not stand the horrified look. It made her feel dirty. The words locked in the promise, and with the promise the first step.::

Very well.

[Navaria Tarkin]

Navaria breathed a sigh of relief within the privacy of her own mind. She felt Azhure's struggle, but the Padawan was willing to try this. In truth, this might be a struggle for her as well. Azhure knew next to nothing of her past .. or anything of her for that matter. But, with each admission and truthful answer, the bonds between them would be strengthen.

You may go first.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure looked at her, feeling very very vunerable all of a sudden - and not for the first time. She looked desperately into her memory at something that would not hurt so much. Those were rare. She was silent for a few minutes before her words cut the air.::

I was three, with my brother. I remember tall trees, I remember following large legs and laughter, a rare memory of laughter, a boys and girls voice. A woman beckoning. My brother fell and just sat there looking at me wordlessly. He didnt need to say anything, I just walked over and helped him up. We...

::She said nothing then. We used to have a connection. That was gone at four, and he had only come back, had scared her half to death and the connection still wasnt there and perhaps never would be there, but the memory had to be enough. Taking a deep breath she tried not to look in the dissapointed eyes of her master. She had made a promise.::

...We used to have a connection. He used to make me laugh. Your turn.

[Navaria Tarkin]

She smiled.

I too have a brother. We were close, just like yours was. All around our home we would play tricks upon our Mother. He... was lost to me during the riots after the Rebellion took Endor.

Her eyes took on a distant look.

I thought he had died but years later, I found out he was alive ... and hates me. He hates that I am Jedi and feels I betrayed the Tarkin name.

There was a long pause as Navaria said nothing.

I miss him so very much.....

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure sat down and listened to Navaria, for one of the first times understanding a similar situation in another, then listened to the silence until she looked up from her own thoughs, and spoke still somewhat in her own thoughs. Still she allowed a little more of her memories to be told, not extremely painful memories.::

I was five, and it was my first time holding a dagger. I was told it was my friend, and I was shown many a film with how it could be used, and of acts of violence as well as witnessing the honour fights between disbuting assasins. None were killed in these, but they were extensively injured and their dispute whatever it may have been was reconciled somewhat.
We used to sit there and watch each movement of the wrist and their daggers. We used to be fascinated by each movement. My first dagger was called Dagger, I never used it on anybody. I used the teachers.

::She didnt look at Navaria but into the dark area of her mind, where an endless stairway was lying behind a locked door. She still knew where she had hidden Dagger. It now seemed funny how she had wanted to keep the dagger clean. It would be very dirty now.::

[Navaria Tarkin]

The tether that held them together was beginning to grow stronger ever so slowly, but Azhure was still holding back. Understandbly, they did just start this. Navaria did also sense that the Padawan was distracted by her private thoughts... on that dagger.

When I was about that age, I lost my Grandfather to the Rebellion. Grand Moff Tarkin died on the first Death Star and I knew the instant that he left ... Even at such a young age, I was sensitive to the Force, but I did not know that I was.

I remember in my dreams that night, Grandfather came to me with such great disappointment. His eyes showed shame that was directed at me. We were sitting together in my old home, drinking tea, and all he did was stare at me and sip at his cup. But ... I just knew that he loathed me...

She pursed her lips, stopping for a moment. This was her sensitive area. How her mental facilities started to degrade over the years and in turned caused Dalethria to exist. Probably best to start off slow, just like Azhure was doing. She didn't want to scare the poor girl away.

Next morning I was told of what happened to him and acted surprised, even though I was not. It was very hard to lie to my mother.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure had listened, and nodded. She should probably continue down a straight path. She sensed Navaria's string, sounding like the deep cello, latching onto hers slowly, and it was hard not to pull back. Give this time... another memory.::

I was seven. My brother and I hardly talked. What could I say to him? He was going to school to learn arthmatic and verbs, I was going to school to learn how to kill. I was desensitised. training was...
training was meant to kill emotions, emotional ties and the threads of humanity in me...

::She stopped there, another uncertainty. She had never been told what her race was, she had only been told to kill. Killing isnt hard once you get used to it.::

At classes we learnt to handle many weapons, not to shoot just yet, that came at the age of eight. Mainly we learnt how to use steel. Swords, short swords, knifes. You name it. By that time we had learnt how to walk silently, if you didnt your feet were continuously sprained purposely until you learnt. Matthias used to ask questions about my injuries all the time.
One day I just told him to stop asking or I'd kill him. he never asked again, somehow at the that point he had realised what my education was about. I...I killed my first person that year...

::She remembered that person. It had been the first contest. Kill or be killed. They had both been afraid, two seven year old children holding daggers the size of their hand. Once your body went into protection mode it was amazing what you could do. She could still remember his face, not scared anymore but furious. Furious that he had lost.::

That person wasn't veyr happy with me. I felt...I felt power and I felt guilt and I was punished for feeling guilty.

[Navaria Tarkin]

She lowered her eyes, feeling the pain and even the guilt Azhure felt this very instant for deeds that had long since passed. On the positive side, there was relief of getting the hurtfull past out into the open and talking it through ... granted, that feeling was buried very deep and Navaria could barely sense it.

"Before we continue with me .. may I ask a question?"

Navaria was cautious. She did not wish to put Azhure's defenses back up in any way.

[Azhure Darkstone]

::Azhure looked at her master with a careful expression, yet somehow the wall was harder to bring up again, her defences being ebbed away - leaving her feeling exposed to be easily shattered. She wanted to say no, but the word wouldnt come to her mouth and instead her mouth formed a diferent word.::

What?